Today the eternal flame of the Olympic Torch, having traveled hundreds of miles to reach our glorious land, found its home atop the Beijing National Stadium. Though the actions of several insane radicals threatened the route, the torch was nevertheless carried to its final destination unlit and by bus, as the Chinese People had always planned in the first place. The final runner, failing to ignite the Olympic flame by rubbing it with the damp nub of the torch, was summarily executed. Hail, the People’s Republic of China! The Games are begun!
The first day of games held in our great nation have proven our worth and superiority as sportsmen and citizens of the world stage. Our men and women performed notably in the archery and shooting competitions, hitting many targets and several vicious Tibetan separatists who rushed the field. A number of criminals in attendance also displayed a sign accusing our perfect nation of brutality for its righteous actions in Darfur, but after the police publicly whipped them, they willingly retracted their statements. Truth rings out, and the Games wear on!
August 12
There was only one fatality at the Games today, and it was gymnastics-related. All hail our glorious Communism, and its life-giving power!
August 15
As was to be expected, the Chinese team crushed their opponents during the table tennis event and won the gold medal. One member of the team, a rural farmer from the Beijing rice fields who was singled out for his extraordinary backhand, broke his wrist and yet played on, in the true spirit of the people. Also in the spirit of the people, he was denied access to any restrooms on the premises, as he is of a low or “dirty” class and is unfit to use them. His time spent competing in the games will be worked off in the mines over the course of the coming weeks. Our discipline gives us strength!
Many of China’s weak and undisciplined opponents complained of poor air quality and a contaminated water supply during the track and field and swimming events. Meanwhile, our athletes, hardened by a life of luxurious, well-compensated service in our plentiful coal mines, performed admirably. This reporter suggests that other nations would do well to provide their doughy populations with some hard (yet equitable and humane) labor. Coughing is the People’s disease!
August 19
As of today’s announcement by Micronesia, all other nations have boycotted the Olympic Games. Though their propaganda claims to be concerned over “human rights violations” and “an oppressive, jingoistic regime,” it is more than clear that China’s prowess on the field of competition drove them away in fear and cowardice. The President Himself will be visiting the stadium this evening to collect all gold medals, melt them into ore, and oversee the erection of a statue of His blemishless likeness in honor of the People’s victory.
August 23
The beginning of the Third World War, or “People’s War,” has resulted in a rain of nuclear hellfire across the globe. We are happy to report that among the billions killed was the entire population of Tibet, finally quashing their seditious attempts at uprising. Another victory for the Chinese People! In related news, all citizens not suffering from mutantism and/or explosion are to report to their local armories tonight to prepare for “Operation Doomsday.”
March on, Olympic Champions, and hurdle the dead!
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael begs for votes in the Finals of the Sketchies II Youtube Competition!
Last 5 posts by Michael Swaim
- If You Wanna Make An Omelette, You Gotta Let Some Kids Get Molested - November 13th, 2008
- CNN Ushers In Era Of Incisive Reportage With New Holograms - November 12th, 2008
- The 7 Deadly Sins of Online Gaming - November 7th, 2008
- If McCain's Concession Speech Was As Bitter As His Campaign - November 6th, 2008
- Class War! A Handy Guide - October 30th, 2008
August 18th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Bounce…
Bounce…
April 15th, 2008 at 10:35 am
If the killing of new born female Chinese babies is going on then it would seem to me that they veiw human life different than the West. I’m not talking about abortion.
From what I understand in the rural areas the one child policy is relaxed, it is in the cities, where the so called educated people are, that this is a major problem. The information I sorted came from a World Health Organization report it does not matter who reported those facts.
April 15th, 2008 at 8:44 am
So you’re are saying that Italians are to lazy to work, who is racist now?
April 15th, 2008 at 7:53 am
Hmm. I guess italics dont work here.
April 15th, 2008 at 7:53 am
I’m Irish, to clarify my position. I don’t need to read up about the one child policy - my argument was, and still is, that the policy is necessary and I’d fully endorse abortion and enforcing the policy if Ireland had the same level of relative population. How can it be rejected? Lets be honest here - theres too many Chinese in the country as a result previous actions (larger population = larger country = more weight on world stage). Coupled with the fact that the majority of multiple births happened and happen in rural areas, as in the rest of the world (Europe included). Its not a Chinese only problem, and issue, to prefer male births.
Honestly, can you not see that the population is a problem?
I don’t think i stated that there was no, or little, wrongdoing on the part of the Chinese - i recognise the issues inherent in the country and the problems within.
However, ill repeat what i mentioned earlier - that statement above, and one which you repeated, that Chinese view Human life differently from the ‘West’, is inherently racist (yes, racist) and ignorant to the extreme.
I’m not going to break down your above post to quote from - you were making a perfectly good and interesting argument before that horrendous statement (twice) that just reaffirms my view of many Westerners.
And another thing;
[I]“If the above reporter is not viable enough, this is the wikipedia site on the one-child policy:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One-child_policy
But then again, maybe the evangelicals have gotten to that site too, corrupting it with their perverse value of human life — even people. Just google ‘one-child policy’.” [/I]
I dont need to be patronised either.
April 15th, 2008 at 6:15 am
Again, two different arguments are actually taking place. On one side, the argument is that Chinese value human life differently and one example of this is the practice of female abortion and infanticide that has resulted in about 120 males to every 100 females (keep in mind that this ratio is NOT a part of the one-child policy, but instead a result of parents either aborting the fetus or killing the newborn once it was determined to be female so that their ‘one child’ would be male). On the other side, the argument is that there was no wrongdoing on the part of the Chinese, that what happened was a necessary response to the situation, and that we are wrong to criticise China. So in the first case, the issue is the value of human life; in the second, our position in criticising China.
If the above reporter is not viable enough, this is the wikipedia site on the one-child policy:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One-child_policy
But then again, maybe the evangelicals have gotten to that site too, corrupting it with their perverse value of human life — even people. Just google ‘one-child policy’.
What’s confusing me is who Mr. as you were is. He said he taught in China for many years: that would make him a foreigner. But I teach English in China right now, and I recognize all of his arguments as those spoon-fed to Chinese students in defense of the situation in China (overpopulation and the ‘developing country’ status necessitates extreme government power, the ‘developing country’ status is a result of foreign actions even though they took place a hundred years ago, etc) — I’ve heard them all many times, so that makes me think he’s mainland Chinese. But, his English is perfect and he even uses so-called ‘weasle words’:
“The Chinese as a whole agree with it - and CONTRARY TO POPULAR WESTERN OPINION [my capitalization], a second child is allowed if you have the money to pay the fine.”
That’s a well-known tactic of throwing in a small unsubstantiated critique or insult. Depending on the vague meaning of the words, it could be true (I mean technically, Cher is ‘popular’). But it’s not part of his main point; so for his opponent to take issue with it changes the subject of the debate and makes him look petty, since the statement is really just a side-note. Therefore, it is usually unchallenged and gives the appearance of a small victory, even though it doesn’t convince anyone of anything (which is especially meaningful for Chinese, since the appearance is the important part). So in this case, he gets to say that most westerners are wrong about the nature of the one-child policy without rebuttal.
So in the end, I don’t know who he is. But if he debates like a Chinese, then I know that this ‘debate’ will only end (like most internet debates) with both sides reaffirmed in their beliefs: mine, that Chinese are unwilling to allow their country to be criticised (and that this unwillingness will continue to be a drag on their society); and the Chinese belief, that Westerners are disrespectful and hypocritical because they criticise China.
April 15th, 2008 at 3:38 am
Correction, not folly to mention but folly to criticise, considering the circumstances. They agree (the Chinese) the population is too large but theres not many alternatives.
April 15th, 2008 at 3:36 am
I think its absolute folly to mention the population control and the enforcement of the one-child policy. The Chinese as a whole agree with it - and contrary to popular western opinion, a second child is allowed if you have the money to pay the fine.
Can you please tell me the alternative? Theres far too many people in the country already, and if abortion is the only option then abortion is the only option, until the entire country is educated to sufficient standard.
@glendoor; ive looked up that journalist you quoted; a man labeled as an “Evangelical Christian American journalist” does not qualify as a viable quote. He has his own twisted Christian agenda as do all evangelists. Please don’t bring that into the conversation about China as they will always be on opposing sides.
April 14th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
““…it’s true that the Chinese view human life differently than the West does.”
I don’t even know where to begin to counteract that horrendous statement. How on Earth can one have a genuine discussion with reasoning such as that?”
” in September 1997, the World Health Organization’s Regional Committee for the Western Pacific issued a report claiming that “more than 50 million women were estimated to be ‘missing’ in China because of the institutionalized killing and neglect of girls due to Beijing’s population control program that limits parents to one child.” (See Joseph Farah, “Cover-up of China’s gender-cide”, Western Journalism Center/FreeRepublic, September 29, 1997.) Farah referred to the gendercide as “the biggest single holocaust in human history.”
@ Wha?? In two and half years of living there, that is not the sentiment , as a whole, I got at all. A long running joke in why the US is still there is not to keep the North from coming South , but to keep the South from going North. I knew a lot of Koreans who felt exactly that way, including the Korean family I lived with for 9 months.
April 14th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
“‘To this day there are American bases in both Japan and South Korea as a result.’
Is this a problem? When I was stationed in Korea and visited Japan no one seemed to mind.”
Hate to be the bearer of bad (and obvious) news, but the Koreans HATE the fact the U.S. still has a huge presence in Seoul. And while the merchants who sell you cheap kimonos and fake pearls for your girlfriends back home may like your dollars, they find you all crass, obnoxious and way past your welcome. When we told wary Koreans we met that we weren’t American, they immediately became more open.
It’s too bad, but they paint you all with the same brush…
April 14th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
“…it’s true that the Chinese view human life differently than the West does.”
I don’t even know where to begin to counteract that horrendous statement. How on Earth can one have a genuine discussion with reasoning such as that?
April 14th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Bad misspellings and punctuation in the above, in a hurry.
April 14th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Yes, you are correct that you cannot judge the Chinese by western moral standards and it’s true that the Chinese view human life differently than the West does. China is so different in their thinking from the West that people in the diplomacy and intelligence circles call them Klingons or Romulans because their ways are so alien to us.
That being said the problem is that for the first time in history the Chinese are wanting to play on the world stage, not just there corner of the world, and they see no reason to adapt and that is arrogance and racist. China’s leadership way of thinking has not changed
much in 2000 years or more and if they want to run with big boys they are going to have to change, as you said Japan has done it, S.Korea also, most Asian countries that are mid to major economic powers have.
To China’s credit, in their eyes they feel that that have made concessions and making a concession to them is admitting a defeat. Most people in the West do not understand that.
However China has done nothing but change the amout of Emperors from one to about a hundred and the time for Emperors in this world has long past.
April 14th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Glendoor42, you’re entirely correct about the state of Chinese government. However, I think there is much to gain from looking at it from a Chinese person’s perspective. To an American or European, political leaders who commit crimes against humanity to serve their own purposes and maintain their power is an inherent wrong, because we believe that a government’s purpose is to serve the people and sustain and uphold law and order in a society. But, a Chinese doesn’t have that background ideology. In Chinese eyes, the main purpose of a government is to be powerful, and especially, to LOOK powerful. There is an unbelievably strong culture of saving face. With that in mind, a political leader who is dishonest or breaks a few laws or maybe sometimes kills a few people — well, that’s his job, he’s got to keep up appearances, show his strenth! That’s what’s most important. Face is more important than laws, much more important than human rights.
Now, if someone is willing to question a government, then it must not look so powerful (its primary purpose), right? That is why there is such unwillingness by Chinese to allow their government to be questioned, especially by foreigners. Whenever there is an article about Chinese human-rights violations, and vehement opposition in the comments, who is the commenter? A high-ranking Communisty Party official in charge of PR? No, always, a private citizen! Also notice, in this case as in every other I have seen, the defender does not refute the charges against the country, but rather attacks the actions of the United States. Why? Because it is not the charges that bother them, not the idea that their leaders commit crimes against humanity. It is only the fact that their government is being criticised! They don’t care about the human-rights violations; to them, that is the necessary cost of government (maybe how we would view taxes). So what you see as logically faulty arguments about United States human-rights violations, he only sees as in-kind criticism of the American government, regardless of the particular charge. To you, the issue is human rights; to him, the issue is criticism.
Therefore, when you’re talking with a Chinese, you can’t start at the same place you would if you were talking with a Westerner (that is, that Chinese leadership commits human-rights violations) because that fact doesn’t matter to them. It is impossible to discuss this issue with a Chinese. You must instead debate the responsibilities of government and the value of human rights AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE without directly implicating the Chinese government of any wrongdoing, because if you do that, you’ve changed the subject of the debate.
I know it can be intensly frustrating to talk with a Chinese like this, but I also know one will never make any progress otherwise. And in the end one must ask himself: “Am I debating because I have some personal need to make my opinion known, and force my opponent to admit I’m right? Or am I debating to convince my opponent to change his mind?” If it’s the latter, then it almost certainly will be less ego-stroking, but it will equally as certainly be more benefitial for everyone.
April 13th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Also for the sake of this argument I think it is best to seperate a countries people from their goverment.
April 13th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
“what fair and balanced news source lead you to assumptions of atrocities in Iraq?” - pretty much the same media reports that report on the “awful godless communist China”, i.e., the western media in general. It all depends on what side you look at it though its very easy to demonise a country that the populous has never visited (the same thing happened on thoughts & opinions of ‘Mother Russia’ during the cold war).”
So what they say about China is not true and what the say about the US is? WTF?
April 13th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
“Do I believe that the current U.S. administration is any where in the league of China’s”
Should read “Do I believe that the current U.S. administration, or any U.S. adminstration, is any where in the league of China’s”
Also to put the U.S. as a voilator of human rights in a class with China is a fucking joke.
April 13th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
“To this day there are American bases in both Japan and South Korea as a result.”
Is this a problem? When I was stationed in Korea and visited Japan no one seemed to mind.
The United States has always been at the forefront of human rights and with billions of dollars in economic and military aid to the world has always worked to make the world a better place, FOR THE MOST PART. No other country in the world can claim it has done what the U.S. has done for good for the world and it people.
Now do I believe that the that the current U.S. administration is possibly the worst in U.S. history and many of the senior U.S. officials need criminal charges brought against them yes, I do.
Do I believe the previous U.S. administration ( The Clinton’s) would have condoned torture, yes, if it meant them getting reelected, in a heartbeat.
Do I believe that the current U.S. administration is any where in the league of China’s leadership in as as far as being a bunch of criminals and murders and are only interested in keeping themselves in power by any means necessary, no matter who is killed, tortured, invaded, worked to death and lead toys sent out to the world, not only no, but hell no.
Do I believe nearly all of China’s policies are designed to keep the hundred or so murderers, terrorists and thieves of the Chinese Politburo in power, Yes and once you understand that, you have a pretty good understanding of why China is the way it is.
April 13th, 2008 at 10:26 am
The Iraq War, a great tragedy of leadership as is any war, is going on right now; no American would claim otherwise. Slavery existed in America for many years, hateful racial discrimination for years afterwards; no American would claim otherwise. Both are terrible examples of ‘human-rights violations’, the term being too mundane for such horrors. And again, NO AMERICAN WOULD CLAIM OTHERWISE. How many Chinese would admit to China’s human-rights violations? And of those that would, how many would face prison time upon doing so?
Besides that, I couldn’t have said the rest better myself. The current aversion to Western influence is a result of things that happened before even the oldest of the current generations were born; and the aversion to foreign influence in general is as old as China itself. But is this really a feasible stragegy for development in the modern world? And, even if it is feasible, is it the most effective?
The Opium Wars happened a century ago, they do not explain the situation in recent decades — the reign of Mao does. If you acknowledge it, and the rest of the world does, why do Chinese continue to honor and, in many cases, deify him? Why did the last renovation of the rmb dollar feature Mao — on EVERY denomination? Is the current retrospective view on the Mao years helping the country develop? Also, yes, the country is Communist in name only; but why do they keep the name, if they do not accept the ideology?
You are absolutely correct in that Chinese people are advancing quickly, and enjoy a standard of living that is higher than it has ever been, and someday hopefully it will reach the status of developed nation. But surely you realize that there is not a single person in the West who says otherwise. The point I am trying to make is that the problems China has — the most noticeable being (1) an aversion of foreign ideas for distant historical reasons, and (2) a lack of transparency of current government power, especially an intolerance of constructive criticism and debate, and a whitewashing of recent (last half-century) historical events and figures — is currently being addressed in only the most roundabout ways, if at all, and it has seriously delayed the development of the country and will continue to do so until more direct changes are made.
It will only be once Chinese start directly addressing, through open discourse and constructive criticism, the problems they have inherited, will the country truly become developed; as long as they make excuses for the current state, they will remain developing. Why is it that every Chinese (or China defender) is eager to display a ready-made list of reasons for the country’s current state, but rarely does one see a list of strategies or plans for the country’s future?
April 13th, 2008 at 9:15 am
To reference your other point - why China is still developing as of 2008 - this can be attributed directly to both European influence (Opium wars and beyond) and the disastrous reign of Mao. The nation, as i said, is communist in name only and the people are living better now than they have been since the beginning of the 20th century.
April 13th, 2008 at 9:10 am
too many points to reference - however, ill take up some here. Theres plenty of McDonald’s in China already along with a host of western franchises. The adverse reaction you frequently see is a throwback to the European & American invasions of the late 19th , early 20th century (ref: Opium wars) - as a result the Chinese mentality is to go it alone. Coupled with the fact that the nation is one of the oldest on Earth.
The reason for the mention of the States - which is not unrelated - is that most often the most vociferous cries of lack of Human rights are from the States. ‘Pot calling the kettle black’ is a phrase that springs to mind.
Japan becoming a booming international presence can be attributed to the undoubted influx of the American Dollar and the funding it received in the aftermath of the war, and the same goes for South Korea & Taiwan (UK). A colonial presence in the East was offered after the War and those nations took the chance they had to elicit influence in those important sectors, especially with the threat of the USSR & China. To this day there are American bases in both Japan and South Korea as a result.
April 13th, 2008 at 8:49 am
Also, if they melted down the medals, they wouldn’t make a statue of the current president, they’d make a statue of Chairman Mao.
April 13th, 2008 at 8:48 am
Lastly, why is it that whenever a critique of China is voiced, at least half of the response will always be an unrelated attack on the United States?
April 13th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Why is it that when Western countries like the United States are influenced by Asian ideas or technologies, no one says anything negative: there are entire portions of cities on the west coast rightly called “Chinatowns”, and so much Japanese technology, yet no one complains about foreign intrusion. Yet when a Western idea makes its way to China, why are there so many complaints about Western influence? Is the Chinese identity so delicate, their grasp on who they are so tenuous, that a McDonalds can send it all crashing down? Are Chinese really less Chinese because their supermarkets sell Coca-Cola?
Every other developed nation in the world has eagerly pursued beneficial foreign ideas and technology; why does so much of China so adamantly refuse to do the same?
April 13th, 2008 at 8:24 am
The Chinese government often puts people in prison without trial, especially political dissidents. China isn’t North Korea, it’s true, but it is still very far from a politically stable nation. As for the old “developing country” line, yes, it’s true that China is still a developing country: but consider that Japan was totally destroyed during WWII, Taiwan as its current state was not founded until 1949, and South Korea did not really begin to develop until the 1953 armistice, yet all three countries (despite their respective political problems) have managed to become “developed countries”, and spectaculary wealthy. During the same time, however, what has happened in China? Why is it, that by 2008, China is still a “developing” country? How much time does it need? It is true that the country is going through major changes, but it should be remembered that the reason it is going through these changes now and not 20, 30, or 40 years ago is due to particular societal and political problems — and unless those problems are acknowledged (which is only happening indirectly) and addressed, the country’s development will continue to lag.
April 13th, 2008 at 7:16 am
Guys, if you’re going to start a flame war, you have to keep the arguments to pre-school level insults and ridiculous claims. What you’re doing is educating people through reasoned debate, and no one wants that.
April 13th, 2008 at 4:22 am
no, i havent spent any time in Iraq and never plan to, (never said i had, either), though i have spent many years in China in several parts teaching, and saw a world thats very different to the world thats projected and propagated by the western media. The article above refers to China as a monster communist state, a fact that simply is twisted and does not entirely reflect the modern country as it stands. Currently its communist in name only and i find it comical that the locals there find the wests perception of them so skewed - you never know unless you go as the saying goes.
“what fair and balanced news source lead you to assumptions of atrocities in Iraq?” - pretty much the same media reports that report on the “awful godless communist China”, i.e., the western media in general. It all depends on what side you look at it though its very easy to demonise a country that the populous has never visited (the same thing happened on thoughts & opinions of ‘Mother Russia’ during the cold war).
Someone once said ‘Let him without sin cast the first stone’, and though im not religious, that has a certain humanitarian truth to it. The united states has used torture, and continues to use torture on suspected terrorists. Theres ’suspects’ (and i use the term loosely) that have been in Guantanamo Bay for up to 6 years without trial - if any other country perpetrated this there would be international uproar. The united states has a history and reputation for putting into place and supporting suspect governments in suspect, though strategically important, countries (namely South America) . The black population of the states did not have a full free vote (without fear of retribution) until well into the middle of the 60s - this is from the primary first world country and self-appointed leader of the free world. What should be remembered is that China is a second world country and needs time to develop - it cannot be dragged kicking and screaming into first world status. The country is going through major change and will continue to do so,without western influence.
April 12th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
No, I’m afraid we will always be a long second to the Peoples Republic of China. You know, for things like imprisoning and executing anyone who speaks out against The “Peoples” Glorious Republic. You know because of things like when we execute someone we don’t charge the spouse of the executed for the bullet like China does.
I’ve spent six years in the sovereign state you mention and saw few atrocities outside the norms of warfare. The ones I did see, however, were perpetrated by Islamic outside agitators and the indigenous population.
What did you see when you were there? Or if you weren’t there,( and I’d bet money on that ) what fair and balanced news source lead you to assumptions of atrocities in Iraq?
April 12th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
the largest violator of human rights on the planet could equally qualify the united states though seeing as how states-centric this entire sire is that will evidently not surface. Guantanamo Bay is still in existence and lest we forget the invasion of a sovereign state and the atrocities ongoing there.
April 12th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
I don’t see how this post is racist in as is a condemnation of the Communist political
system. There were, as far as I read, no Asian racial stereotypes in this post.
If you change the Peoples Republic to the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics and change a references around it fits just as well.
Personally, I think shoving the inadequacies and the genocidal brutality of the fail policies
of Mao, Stalin and Lenin in the face of the largest violator of human rights on the planet, through a parody of their own bullshit propaganda, funny as fucking hell.
FUCK COMMUNISM!!!!!!!!
April 12th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Terrible, racist bilge. This passes for entertainment, and gets lapped up by the readers here?
April 11th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
If you do a sketch about the Nuclear Winter games, will there be a machete fight for a cheeseburger competition, just asking.
April 11th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
wow, this makes me care about the world and such.
April 11th, 2008 at 8:58 am
Realy cool, brother
April 10th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
mook is correct. Everyone else can fuck off.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:57 am
I thought “stregth” was part of the joke. Almost all signs in China (propaganda signs too) have misspelled English words on them. The Chinese government has announced a public crackdown on signs with poor English before the Olympics.
April 10th, 2008 at 4:56 am
Pfft, strength is over-rated anyway. But guys with stregth… They get all the chicks. I can only assume the same goes for the People’s Republic.
April 10th, 2008 at 1:47 am
Well, fuck.
April 9th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
“Strength” was spelled wrong in the “People’s Air” caption…
Just sayin
April 9th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
All Michael needs to do is win the olympics and claim the sponsorship money.
Do communists even have money?
April 9th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Only a budget of 28 dollars? Why, if only there was a way one could help you increase that budget, to say around 40,000 dollars? Nah, thats just crazytalk…
April 9th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Well, remember, it would really only be the 2010 Nuclear Winter Paralympics (due to only having limbless participants) and the 2010 Nuclear Winter Special (or Gifted) Olympics, which will be filled with real-life counterparts to the X-Men.
April 9th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
You can call up those Moss Guys from the recent Craptions picture.
April 9th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I’m kind of on the verge of wanting to do a sketch about the Winter Nuclear games now…sigh, if only I had a budget above 28 dollars.
April 9th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
/\/\ It’s just quotes from this blog entry, combines with random pics of tanks and propoganda against the glorious people’s government
April 9th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
[...] Keep Reading… [...]
April 9th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
This is awesome and nicely written is distinct Chinese (and nord koreans) fashions. He could have called the westerners “barbarians” a few times though.
April 9th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Nuclear winter would definitely cramp women’s beach volleyball, thus removing the prime motivation for an estimated 79% of the viewership of the summer games.
April 9th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Oh wise one, what will become of the US after the nuclear attack? Will we have post apocalyptic societies run by giant chihuahuas?
April 9th, 2008 at 11:39 am
I once doubted Michaelus Swaimstradamus’ prophetic visions. I have seen the folly of my doubt.
April 9th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Next article on Cracked: “Top 10 Games at the 2010 Nuclear Winter Olympics”
April 9th, 2008 at 11:14 am
Nuclear Winter Olympics would be amazing, but only if they took out curling.
April 9th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Swaim is The People’s Blogger!!
April 9th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Swaim, I consider this to be one the funniest and creative of your posts. It belongs in your top 10. More updates as the games progress please.
April 9th, 2008 at 9:51 am
Absolutely fantastic. One of the best things I’ve seen on cracked.
Not the biggest Olympics fan, but I still rankle at the idea of a communist government using the Olympic torch as a propaganda vehicle across the globe.
April 9th, 2008 at 9:51 am
march on and hurdle the dead? awesome.
April 9th, 2008 at 9:35 am
I’d definitely watch the televised 2010 Nuclear Winter Olympics.
April 9th, 2008 at 9:30 am
It would be funny if the Olympics resulted in a nuclear holocaust. Largely because it would validate my feelings about the Olympics.
April 9th, 2008 at 8:39 am
Nuclear Winter is the People’s Season!
April 9th, 2008 at 8:31 am
FIRST!!
The people’s movement can be nuked, but it WILL LIVE ON!!!