Cracked Columnists

Scalding Hot Chicks, Canadian PSAs and A Winter Outfit With No Pants: The Daily Nooner (EST)!

Awesome Video Of The DayWho Knew That Canadians Make The Sweetest PSAs EVER?

Usually when I pick out a video to post for my Nooner, I'll watch it over and over and over again, picking out every possible nuance that could possibly be used to comedic effect. I scour each and every frame for subtle facial expressions, looking for a glimpse beneath the surface, trying to figure out what it MEANS. Then I make a dick joke and go play video games.

Today is different, though, because I refuse to watch this video more than the half dozen times I just did. It's pretty grim, but it's also a highly effective PSA: the next time I'm a hot, upwardly-mobile, about-to-be-married Canadian chick carrying an enormous pot of boiling hot water, I'm going to be very careful.

Maybe our Canadian readers can clear something up for me: Are you guys constantly slipping on grease and suffering third-degree burns up there? Is this such a problem in Canada that it actually requires its own PSA? Here in the States we have PSAs for stuff like meth and teen pregnancy and domestic violence and stuff, but I don't think I've ever seen one addressing the importance of CLEANING UP AFTER YOURSELF. Do you guys live in some sort of utopian wonderland where the biggest problem you have to worry about is slipping and falling? Does universal health care make everyone totally reckless or something? What's going on up there?!

Also: How's hockey going? No, really. I'm not making a joke here - I actually want to know. Please tell me how hockey's going.


With Winter just around the corner, it's time to make preparations for the cold months ahead. You're going to want to load up on batteries and canned food and have an emergency plan for your family and all that, but more importantly, you'd better figure out what you're going to wear. Navigating the gauntlet that is Men's Fashion can be scary, but don't worry: I've done all the homework for you, and this week on the Cracked Blog I'll be bringing you my five top picks for the season.The Cracked Guide To Men's Winter FashionLabel: Duckie BrownMaterials: Cotton, Wool, Underpants

Message It Sends To The World: "Shit - I forgot to put on pants."

Features

  • Sweater, scarf and wool cap will keep you moderately warm from the waist up
  • Hat is blue, has a puff ball on top
  • Egyptian cotton underpants can totally hold your penis
  • Excellent outfit for showcasing that most majestic of all human body parts: The Male Leg
  • THIS OUTFIT HAS NO FUCKING PANTS
  • Price: $178,000,000 (everything pictured included1)

    1 Except pants, which are NOT PICTURED BECAUSE THIS OUTFIT HAS NO FUCKING PANTS.

    Recommended For Your Pleasure

    Ross Wolinsky

    • Rss

    More by Ross Wolinsky:

    See More
    To turn on reply notifications, click here

    23 Comments

    The Cracked Podcast

    Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

    The Weekly Hit List

    Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
    Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!