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Boyfriend Trouble For Goldie's Spawn

Kate Hudson ---famous for her supporting role in Almost Famous and virtually nothing else--- has broken up with her boyfriend Dax Shepard.

Suffice to say I'm pretty stunned. It's always a difficult time when an actress I barely care about dumps an actor I've hardly heard of:

Friends claim the actress wants to spend more time concentrating on her three-year-old son Ryder and isn't interested in a serious romance.

A friend of actor Shepard tells In Touch Weekly magazine, "Dax is devastated over losing Kate. He will do anything to win her back."

So it seems Kate's on the market and she's looking for a decidedly un-serious relationship. For those of you still having Penny Lane-inspired wet dreams, here's your chance! But are you Kate Hudson material? I've put together this chart itemizing Kate's past relationships to help you, the loyal Cracked blog reader, decide:

 

 

Kate's Men

Chris Robinson

Owen Wilson

Dax Shephard

Intelligence

Handful of remaining brain cells contain information only on bong construction.

Fairly intelligent, but excels at appearing kind-heartedly stupid

Probably the smartest person who hasn’t changed his name from Dax

Drug Use

Smells like a Rastafarian’s dreadlock dipped in a pool of hemp oil contained within a Deadhead's armpit

Apparently that monkey on his back wasn't Ben Stiller

IMDB lists “snowboarding” in his bio so I’m guessing

Looks

As ugly as homemade sin

Unconventionally handsome

See above.

Deals With Break-ups By

Becoming progressively less famous and dating what appears to be my pre-K teacher from the late 70's.

Attempting suicide

Whining to chatty friends who blab to Starpulse.com

 

 

(Bloggers's Note: Just kidding Owen and Ben! No offense guys. Screw you, Chris.)

 

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