Have you ever been to Disney’s California Adventure? According to Disney’s numbers, chances are you haven’t.
I have, twice, and I can tell you it’s fabulous if you’re into walking around and paying sixty bucks for the privilege. Also, two dollars for a pickle. Also, you take their damn “which Disney character are you?” quiz and you get Mrs. Potts every time no matter what the fuck you put in.
Well, they’re hoping 1.1 billion dollars will change all that. To attract more young visitors, Disney is adding such technological innovations as a 3-D interactive Toy Story cart ride, a robotic Mr. Potato Head voiced by Don Rickles, and an in-park counselor for when your child is permanently scarred by the virulent insult comedy of the robotic Mr. Potato Head.
All that and the “which Disney character are you?” quiz tells you that you’re Mrs. Potts with a high-definition hologram.
So you’ve got Toy Story going for you, and the imminent release of Toy Story 3 in 2010. Plus you’re adding in robots and video games, which we all know are a hit with the kids. But, to be honest, Disney, you’re going to have to do better than that to beat Dubai Land.
If you really want to spin your properties for the Internet generation, may I suggest:
(Thanks ginenbijnoam for the following entries in this list)
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael makes imagineering videos as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren’t Muskets!
This entry was posted on Monday, February 11th, 2008 at 8:00 am and is filed under Amusement Parks, California Adventure, Disneyland, Dubai Land, Toy Story, Wastes of Money. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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October 1st, 2009 at 1:22 pm
FILL IT WITH SHITTY MEMES HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
October 1st, 2009 at 8:40 am
[...] Also under construction is Dubai Land, an amusement park that will eventually cover three billion square-feet. The initial infrastructure for this incredibly over-the-top monument to wasted man hours will cost about $814 million dollars. In other words, Dubai Land far out does Disney Land, even with the recent addition of toy themed killer robots to the latter. (see Robotic Mr. Potato Head Will Kill Us All). [...]
April 15th, 2009 at 8:20 am
After reading through this article, I feel that I really need more information on the topic. Could you share some resources please?
December 28th, 2008 at 3:38 am
I actually have never gotten Mrs. Potts before. I get Belle pretty much every time.
February 12th, 2008 at 1:36 am
I’ve been to California Adventure. It was big and empty and everyone I saw gave me a look as if to say ‘what the fuck are you doing here’? This happened about twice. No shit, I only saw about two people there.
I started to think maybe it was closed and I had wandered in accidently. But then there were alll these lonely looking food venders every now and then. It was a bit like the beggining of that movie 28 days later in which the ity is completely abandoned, except without the zombies.
It was the surrealist experience of my life.
February 11th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
I really feel like you missed the oppurtunity to link the name “Rick Astley” to something that WASN’T the rickroll’d video, and completely blow our minds.
February 11th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
It looks to me that there is some sort of threshing device at the bottom of the killer potato head robot. Boy, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wished for one of those while standing
in line at an amusement park.
Another thing, about the guy in blue shirt firing gun really fast. Great suggestion Swaim. I’ve always wondered how Disney World could proclaim itself the happiest place on earth with it’s glaring lack of real firearms.
February 11th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
How bout a display of the frozen carcass of Walt?
And maybe they can open the Disney fault, where all the Nazi gold he horded is held.
I think that would put asses in seats for the roller coasters, or whatever the fuck they have at Disney’s California Adventure.
February 11th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Sure, go ahead. You can call me ginen if you want, it’s easier.
February 11th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Lol at your suggestions, ginenbijksdjfhs. I could have used you last night at two AM when I couldn’t think of a fifth entry to round out the list and said fuck it. In fact, I think I’ll steal them.
February 11th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
What fat guy? I remember some guy firing a gun REALLY fast, but was he fat? What a strange thing for you to notice…
February 11th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Some more suggestions:
-pics of mickey mouse with poorly spelled text on it. (I’d like to coin them lolmice)
-Showing videos of Rick Astly instead of showing the movie people expect to see.
February 11th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Have you not seen Beauty and the Beast? I thought everyone had that movie forcibly screened for them at birth.
February 11th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Will no one tell me who this mystreious, ubiquitous Mrs. Potts is?
February 11th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
But, you already said that in the headline.
You didn’t tell us HOW the robotic Mr Potato Head will kill us all.
February 11th, 2008 at 11:51 am
Aren’t carnies ALWAYS running wrestling arenas?
Also, that robotic Mr Potato Head may destory us all.
February 11th, 2008 at 11:08 am
Appropriately, a carney would be the one running aforementioned wrestling arena.
February 11th, 2008 at 10:28 am
PARANOIIAAAA!!!!!
February 11th, 2008 at 9:52 am
A wrestling arena where you could perform your own Casnadian Destroyer would be awesome, too.
February 11th, 2008 at 8:18 am
Who is Mrs. Potts?