Revisiting Old-School Text Adventures as a Jaded Modern Gamer
You can pre-order Robert's book, Everything is Going to Kill Everybody: The Terrifyingly Real Ways the World Wants You Dead on Amazon, or find him on Twitter, Facebook and his own site, I Fight Robots, or you can pick up key. Get key. Grab key. Hold key. FUCKING PICK UP KEY
Hilarious... im happy walls exist, but i still think my guinea pigs doesnt like me now considering they cant sleep from my laughter...
Replybut the flee south thing works for me as well because thats germany.
I almost peed trying to keep my laughter in check on this one. I'm at work... hard to say whether the insane cackling or the urine would have been more awkward.
ReplyLost it at "bone some gnomes".
ReplyI wish there was something like this embedded in all video games.
ReplyThe only one that even comes close is the old school legend of Zelda games. you think you're all cool since you've trapped a poor little cute chicken (or cuccoo) and you're wailing on it with your arsenal of weapons cackling like a psychotic 12 year old, when all of a sudden, chickens, chickens everywhere. You try to reach the nearest house for cover, but the ceaseless pecking pushes you back until you slowly realize you're going to die the only video game death more embarrassing than missing a jump - death by chickens.
One of the most hilarious things I've read on Cracked. The spam and the friend running to Mexico tipped it from 'yeah, pretty funny' to 'oh god I can't breathe'.
ReplyThat was Swaim.
that was so wonderful
ReplyBest... Thing... Ever...
ReplyI made an account for this. I love you. But now I have to remove chopsticks out of my throat. I still love you.
ReplyBetter than getting eaten by a Grue.
ReplyThis just got better and better.
ReplyKill s**t out of deer.
Frolic.
Oh man. Reminds me of Legend of the Red Dragon. s**t was so cash.
Replyyeah... as soon as I saw swaim's screen name I couldn't help but hear his IMs in his voice... I read your skyrim article just before this and... dammit, you're a genius, Brockway. nailed them both. and some tiny bitches
ReplyJust start nailin' tiny bitches.
ReplyThat s**t was cash!
ReplyThis was just completely 100% full-on raging boner styled fantastic. And i completely believe those messages from Swaim were real. Educational articles are all well and good, but sometimes you just need a day in the life kind of piece.
Replyawesome. this was awesome.
ReplyWhile reading this article i was highly amused and a little aroused..
ReplyThe mere mention of gnome rape does that to people.
I laughed for at least 5 minutes straight at "What's slappin', irkins?"
ReplyThis is about the fifth time I've read this. It gets better each time, especially if you imagine the computer as having Samuel L. Jackson's voice.
ReplyI found Morgan Freemans voice adds some hilarity as well.
I f*****g hate people who insist on mindless violence because they think it makes them 'mature' and this was an awesomely hilarious skewering of them. :)
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