QVC, "Katsaks" and There's A Freemason Under My Airport: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
Awesome Video Of The DayMike Rowe Selling Katsaks on QVC
It's kind of weird to think there was a time when Mike Rowe, current host of Dirty Jobs, was hawking things like "Katsaks" on QVC to pay his rent, but you know what's even weirder? THERE WAS SOMEONE OUT THERE TAPING IT. Who in the name of God tapes the "Quality Value Convenience" channel?! Were they huge Mike Rowe fans, or did they just not want to miss seeing all the products that were available for purchase? Maybe they had the VCR set to the wrong channel or something.
If I were Mike Rowe and wanted someone to hire me for a new show, I'd just show them this clip. Not only would it prove that I could handle myself with grace under pressure, but it also shows that when I had a show on QVC, THERE WAS SOMEONE OUT THERE TAPING IT. If that isn't a surefire indicator of future success, I don't know what is.
The Best Conspiracy Theories EverAwesome Conspiracy #3: Denver International Airport Is A Secret Masonic Nazi Alien Something-Or-OtherNuts And Bolts: Three is an enormous, multi-level underground complex underneath Denver International Airport that was built by the Freemasons. That's where they keep all the aliens. Oh - and a bird's-eye view of the runways forms a retarded-looking swastika, so the Nazis are probably involved in this too somehow.
As a parenthetical footnote, DIA was also voted Best Airport in North America by Business Traveler Magazine in 2005.
Evidence: Theorists point to a series of creepy murals hung in the airport for clues. The murals were painted by a Chicano artist named Leo Tanguma and a group of local schoolchildren - not exactly the kinds of people you think of when you think of Freemasons, but maybe that's all part of their plan. Some have also suggested that the Masons stuffed the ballot box at Business Traveler Magazine in 2005 to get Denver International Airport voted the Best Airport in North America so nobody would suspect anything.
Plausability: So-so. I have no idea what the average number of sub-basements is for an airport, but eight (which the theorists claim DIA has) seems about on par to me. Besides, even if there IS some sort of underground bunker full of Illuminati guys in dark robes and aliens and Nazis, it doesn't seem like they have any interest in messing with the departures or arrivals. If they were, how would Denver International Airport have been voted Best Airport in North America in 2005 by Business Traveler Magazine? Hmm?
That's what I thought.
Got A Problem?
Do you hate your mother? Are you clueless when it comes to proper dinner table etiquette? Is your weird fetish ruining your life? Let me help you out. All next week on the Cracked Blog, the Daily Nooner will also double as the worst advice column on the entire internet.
The New World Order and The Homosexual Agenda and Elvis Are Behind It All!!
ReplyAfter all,They Murdered JFK/RFK/MLK;Arranged The Bombings of Pearl Harbor;The Marines in Lebanon;The OKC FederalBuilding;
The WTC in'93 and 9/11!!!
Mike Rowe, QVC, Dickies, blows Noah's Ark out of the water, close to the funniest fucking thing ever!
ReplyThat was some priceless god damn video. Thank you cracked.
ReplyWhat an awesome guy. Seriously; I could not do that for 10 seconds without cracking up. Great video!
ReplyDoes anyone else have the same idea I do? Mike Rowe should have a late night talk show. I could hear him talk about how bizarre cats are forever.
ReplyWow. Mike Rowe is just hilarious. Love it when he makes fun of people on Dirty Jobs.
ReplyTo Gladstone:
Reply5 minutes? Check out his other QVC videos... in particular check out the Noah's Arc one... that's hilarious when he starts pulling the animals out and guessing what they are.
Wow. This affirms everything I believe in. Mike Rowe is basically God.
ReplyI can't believe i've become a Mike Rowe fan. He manages to be sarcastic for 5 straight minutes
ReplyMike Rowe is amazing... he's actually convincing enough some people still spent $25 on that thing instead of just getting a brown paper bag from the grocery store.
Reply