FatMan27183141 Is A One-Trick Pony: The Friday Nooner (EST)!
Dear FatMan27183141,
Based on your 71 YouTube videos, your YouTube profile name, and your website URL, fat-man.us, I'm starting to get the idea that being fat is your "thing." I don't think you need to be ashamed of your size, FatMan27183141, but I'd like to take a moment to talk about this particular video and what it says about you.
I'm not gonna lie - you're clearly overweight. Your gut is huge, your breathing sounds labored, and you're probably at risk for all sorts of weird health problems I've never even heard of, but let's face it - your belly hasn't "come alive" and it doesn't have any interest in "eating directly." That's just your way of saying "I drew a face on my unbelievably fat torso - here's a video of me shoving potato chips into my own belly button." That's entertaining, FatMan27183141, but at the end of the day do you really feel like you're living up to your full potential?
Chris Farley. Late-career Elvis.
The McCrary Twins. These were men that transcended their fat and rose to greatness. Did they deny being fat? No. Did they try to sweep their fat under the rug and pretend it wasn't there? No. These were men who CELEBRATED their fat, but always to some sort of greater end, and never just for the sake of fat itself.
Chris Farley would put on a tiny, ill-fitting suit, sweat profusely in it and then fling himself through a coffee table. Why? To make America laugh. Late-career Elvis would put on a form-fitting rhinestone-encrusted jumpsuit and sing his heart out. Why? Because people loved to hear him sing. The McCrary Twins? Sure they were fat, but more importantly, they rode side-by-side on tiny matching motorcycles to comedic effect.
Making a YouTube video of yourself being fat and smashing potato chips all over your gut? That's easy. If Farley, Elvis, or either of the McCrary Twins were alive today they could probably do it, too, but WOULD they? No. Wanna know why? Because they all knew something that you clearly haven't figured out yet: sometimes just being fat isn't enough. Next time you make a YouTube video, we'll be expecting you to either hurl yourself through a coffee table, sing a song about Las Vegas, or ride around on a tiny motorcycle.
The world is watching, FatMan27183141. Get on it.
Sincerely,
Ross Wolinsky
Cracked.com
