FatMan27183141 Is A One-Trick Pony: The Friday Nooner (EST)!
Dear FatMan27183141,
Based on your 71 YouTube videos, your YouTube profile name, and your website URL, fat-man.us, I'm starting to get the idea that being fat is your "thing." I don't think you need to be ashamed of your size, FatMan27183141, but I'd like to take a moment to talk about this particular video and what it says about you.
I'm not gonna lie - you're clearly overweight. Your gut is huge, your breathing sounds labored, and you're probably at risk for all sorts of weird health problems I've never even heard of, but let's face it - your belly hasn't "come alive" and it doesn't have any interest in "eating directly." That's just your way of saying "I drew a face on my unbelievably fat torso - here's a video of me shoving potato chips into my own belly button." That's entertaining, FatMan27183141, but at the end of the day do you really feel like you're living up to your full potential?
Chris Farley. Late-career Elvis. The McCrary Twins. These were men that transcended their fat and rose to greatness. Did they deny being fat? No. Did they try to sweep their fat under the rug and pretend it wasn't there? No. These were men who CELEBRATED their fat, but always to some sort of greater end, and never just for the sake of fat itself.
Chris Farley would put on a tiny, ill-fitting suit, sweat profusely in it and then fling himself through a coffee table. Why? To make America laugh. Late-career Elvis would put on a form-fitting rhinestone-encrusted jumpsuit and sing his heart out. Why? Because people loved to hear him sing. The McCrary Twins? Sure they were fat, but more importantly, they rode side-by-side on tiny matching motorcycles to comedic effect.
Making a YouTube video of yourself being fat and smashing potato chips all over your gut? That's easy. If Farley, Elvis, or either of the McCrary Twins were alive today they could probably do it, too, but WOULD they? No. Wanna know why? Because they all knew something that you clearly haven't figured out yet: sometimes just being fat isn't enough. Next time you make a YouTube video, we'll be expecting you to either hurl yourself through a coffee table, sing a song about Las Vegas, or ride around on a tiny motorcycle.
The world is watching, FatMan27183141. Get on it.
Sincerely,
Ross Wolinsky
Cracked.com
Sei Gegr
ReplyHello I want to follow up on this article, but I am new to all of this. Is it through an rss or something? I hope I can learn something here.
ReplyGenerally I do not post on blogs, but I would like to say that this post really forced me to do so! Good post.
ReplyMy mind is a void
ReplyPour kool-aid into it
Smoke and mirrors
Say "no" to beer.
[...] It’s a bold claim, but let’s face it - your belly hasn’t “come alive” and it doesn’t have any interest in “eating directly.” That’s just your way of saying “I drew a face on my unbelievably fat torso - here’s a video of me shoving potato chips into my own belly button.” That’s entertaining, FatMan27183141, but at the end of the day do you really feel like you’re living up to your full potential? [Agree!] [...]
Reply[...] a blog that clearly loves the fat jokes, I think now is a good time to brace for the worst, and celebrate what we once took [...]
ReplySane or Insane has nothing to do with it. I'm just a total cheapskate when it comes to most purchases. It's how I manage to afford the occasional $600 flatscreen.
Reply@TillyKGB: "Disregard everything I have said ..." Most of us already have. In future, before submitting a post, ask yourself...
"If I said this out loud (a)to my girlfriend/wife, would she laugh or roll her eyes and go back to watching TV or walk out of the room while I'm in mid-sentence? (b)at a party, would people politely smile and come up with an excuse to casually wander off to another room?(c) Would my little sister call me a douchebag and pinch me in that really sensitive spot on the underside of my upper arm?"
Or you could try shorter posts.
Disregard everything I have said I suck cock
ReplyWhere do you download the Dr. Who episodes from? I'm thinking it would make a better Father's Day present than a mug.
ReplyAlso I'm an electronics retard. Put the 13 year old to work lugging big-ass TV upstairs. He's taller than me but has no muscle. Realized that I now have to push all the living room furniture around to make enough room to lay it down and slide it out of the big-ass box sideways because it's too heavy to lift out. *sigh
Would love to see re-runs of TKITH. Someone should write Comedy Central a strongly worded letter.
The only thing I ever saw worth a shit from Casnadian TV was SCTV and TKTH. As a matter of fact I spent quite some time the other day watching Bob and Doug MacKensie clips on you tube. That shit is still funny.
ReplyWell, what do you expect, we should watch Casnadian programming? Have you ever watched Casnadian TV? There's a reason we mooch illegal satellite of Americans. Plus it has the side-effect of softening our brains so we don't worry as much.
Reply@ Haruhi I believe the CBC pays for a lot of Dr. Who also.
Reply@The Butcher
ReplyHow dare you try to compare yourself to me. Bow down and maybe I'll forgive you...
Seeing as Dr Who is an English show it'dbe amazing if it were the other way round.
ReplyAlso, (insult towards whoever we hate this week)
@ lbh thank you for he link to The Roadshow, I'm not real worried about my bad ass points,
Replythough. Plus last night I realized that Doctor Who is about five episodes ahead in the UK
then we are here so I downloaded a bunch last night.
What amazes me is that I moved a 19" TV down stairs to where the broken one is and put in on stool in front of the other one. Now I grew up with a 19" TV pretty much until I was out of highschool. 19" was pretty much the standard TV size back then. Now my computer
monitor is bigger and that 19" TV is just fucking tiny, almost to the point of being unwatchable. But there're worse things in life to bitch about.
Not necessarily.
ReplyHear should be here
ReplyTHE LAMP IN MY TV HAS BLOWN.....AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH........AHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHAAAAHHHHHHH....(running around house screaming)aaaahhhhhhaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHHH......T...V... NOT..... WORKING.....
ReplyAAHAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH......I'LL HAVE TO WAIT TWO DAYS FOR A NEW $150.00 LAMP TO GET HERE...AHAHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH....I'LL MISS ANTIQUE ROADSHOW...AAAAAAAHHHAHHHHAAAAAHHH.....AHHAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHH..FUCK.....
Mrs. Glendoor42 walks in door " What the HELL is your problem and why is the back of the TV off. Is it broken? Are we going to have to get a new TV? STOP SCREAMING AND ANSWER MY QUESTION YOU FOURTY YEAR OLD RETARD!!!!! You are acting like a two year old again, now what is the problem? Do we need a new TV?"
"New TV uuuuhhh... yeah, new TV and the only problem is they don't make that size anymore, they only make them uuuhhh.... bigger like 50",but tuhh there is a 60" on sale and it will fit where the old one did and uuuhhhh ....why are looking at me like that?..... OK it's just the fucking bulb and it will be hear Tuesday. But a new TV would be better and really, it would be cheaper in the long run and .....STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT... OK THE NEW BULB WILL BE HEAR TUESDAY AND IT'S CHEAPER THAN A NEW TV.
Goddammit.
Jeeez: *proportions
ReplyThanks glendoor. Well, I guess "officially" it's just you and me. I just thought I'd do my part to get Ross' comment section numbers up to(or close to) the epic purportions previously enjoyed by other blogger's posts like Swaim's "Arrested Developement" and D.O'B.'s mabisms. It seemed like a nice thing to do at the time. That'll teach me. Next time I'll just tweak Tilly with an insult and let the back-and-forth ensue endlessly.
Reply