Two big news stories were reported today involving mankind’s favorite appendage: The penis.
Woman Sets Fire to Ex-Husband’s Penis, blared one headline. And seriously, what could be worse than that?
I’ll tell you what: British dwarf’s penis gets stuck to hoover.
To quote that second article:
A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.
Frankly, I think “horribly” is redundant and unnecessary in that sentence. Is there any kind of “awry” that an act can go involving a penis stuck to a vacuum cleaner that comes up anything short of “horrible?” Answer: NO.
Unfortunately, as our friends at Fark might say, these two headlines do put the Painful Penis News Trifecta in play. I, for one, am putting on a cup.
Last 5 posts by Lex
- Cracked's Twitter Updates for 2008-02-26 - February 26th, 2008
- Cracked
sells outloves Fido. - October 19th, 2007 - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, and Not The Responsibilities of Parenthood - October 1st, 2007
- Richard Jewell is dead... Dead tired of the media. - August 29th, 2007
- Just Because I Wanted Some Bathroom Nookie Doesn't Mean I'm Gay - August 28th, 2007
May 12th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Maybe if he had some gum on his penis, and the gum stuck to the vacuum cleaner? I mean, it wouldn’t be HORRIBLE.
May 3rd, 2008 at 1:01 pm
It almost seems sadistic to post “First!”.
Almost.