So if you're Rick Salomon, and the entire world has already seen you railing Paris Hilton, where do you go from there? Apparently, you go get a marriage license with Pamela Anderson. Then you tell Tommy Lee that he did a bad job of fucking your bride-to-be in their sex tape. Then you're in the news again for a few seconds and your name will be fresh in our minds when your sex tape accidentally "leaks" in a few months. Sly fox, that Rick Salomon!
Here's what you have to look forward to when that Anderson/Salomon sex tape inevitably surfaces:
- Classy camera angles like "shaky handheld" and "boring tripod"
- Exotic locales like "on a bed" and "in the bathroom next to the shitter"
- A really clever title like "One Night In Pamela"
- Director's commentary, bonus grunt track
OK! Magazine is now (quite responsibly) reporting the reason Pam's rushing off to the altar: SHE'S PREGNANT! How do they know? An anonymous tipoff provided all the evidence they needed, apparently:
"She definitely looks like she's got a bit of a bump," one source tells OK!.
Good enough for me! Pamela Anderson is definitely pregnant with Rick Salomon's baby!
To be honest, it sounds like they might be jumping the gun a little. Those two are way more likely to spawn some sort of terrifying new STD than a baby. Come to think of it, someone should probably forward this story to the World Health Organization. If anyone needs me I'll be at the free clinic.