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Out-of-Context Celebrity Headline Roundup!

Dear readers, in my eternal quest to find the freshest, most intriguing, least important minutiae about which to blog, it sometimes happens that there is a moment of kismet, of destiny, of utter serendipity. At these moments, it is as if the Comedy Gods have reached down from the heavens and deposited a fully formed piece directly in front of me.

I give you, without alteration or exaggeration, four headlines that appeared in my Google news search this morning. I’ve linked the articles themselves, but trust me; they’re not nearly as hilarious as the headlines.

Angelina Jolie Loves Eating Bacon and Sausages

Christina Aguilera Digs Chicks

Britney Spears Loves Public Restrooms

Hillary Duff Likes Vaseline on her Face

Amen.

ADDENDUM: Turns out Hillary Duff loves Vaseline so much she’s agreed to become their new spokesperson. It’s a perfect fit, really; whenever I think of Hillary Duff, my first reaction is always to go straight for the Vaseline.

SECOND ADDENDUM: Yes, I masturbate with Vaseline. No, I don’t recommend it.

Last 5 posts by Michael Swaim

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 27th, 2007 at 11:08 pm and is filed under Celebrity News, hillary duff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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One Response to “Out-of-Context Celebrity Headline Roundup!”

  1. Swaimfan Says:

    Day 1: Had first encounter with an entry that had no comments already. I managed to struggle with the deserted comment section and subdue it long enough for Jenkins to knife it. We will eat well tonight.

Cracked stuff on