Dear readers, in my eternal quest to find the freshest, most intriguing, least important minutiae about which to blog, it sometimes happens that there is a moment of kismet, of destiny, of utter serendipity. At these moments, it is as if the Comedy Gods have reached down from the heavens and deposited a fully formed piece directly in front of me.
I give you, without alteration or exaggeration, four headlines that appeared in my Google news search this morning. I've linked the articles themselves, but trust me; they're not nearly as hilarious as the headlines.
ADDENDUM: Turns out Hillary Duff loves Vaseline so much she's agreed to become their new spokesperson. It's a perfect fit, really; whenever I think of Hillary Duff, my first reaction is always to go straight for the Vaseline.
SECOND ADDENDUM: Yes, I masturbate with Vaseline. No, I don't recommend it.