Cracked Columnists

Orlando Bloom Collides ... With His Internet Doppleganger!

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I was a little taken aback when reading about Orlando Bloom's recent car accident:

Orlando Bloom was involved in a minor car crash on a Hollywood street early Friday morning, police said. The "Pirates of the Caribbean" star told police he was being chased by paparazzi as he left a nightclub around 2:15 a.m. in his 2003 Toyota Matrix.

Yarp, that's right. Orlando Bloom drives a 2003 Toyota Matrix.

Pretty shocking. Not just because it's not exactly what you'd expect from Hollywood's favorite elf pirate, but because I drive a 2003 Matrix.

It got me to thinking about all the things I have in common with Bloom. The similarities are pretty startling:

ORLANDO BLOOM

GLADSTONE

Owns 2003 Toyota Matrix

Owns 2003 Toyota Matrix

Portrayed Tolkiens Master Archer Legolas Three Times

Saw Fellowship of the Ring Three Times

Moustache Makes Him Look Like A Dentist

I Have A Dentist

Had His Heart Ripped OutIn Pirates of the Caribbean III

Lost 9 Bucks Seeing Pirates of the Caribbean III

Has Kissed Kiera Knightly On Film

Has Ejaculated While Watching Kiera Knightly on Film

7 Inches

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