Hey guys! This is coming along nicely. Even though we’re in closed pre-production, there’s already a ton of Internet buzz, and with Will on board, we expect it to be relatively smooth sailing from here on out.
Wanted to get you our feedback on the draft…I think with a little–or possibly massive–retooling, this one will be guaranteed Oscar-bait.
We wanted the script to start off with some upbeat energy, and we’re glad to see you’ve done that. But I think we can do without the rap introductory sequence. On page 8 you’ve got Obama singing:
So I’d like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I’ll tell you how I became the President
Of the United States of America.
First off, if we’re going to have a theme song, let’s get Will involved. He’s had a lot of success with that type of thing, and I’ve recently become confident that he knows how to rhyme better than you.
But frankly, we thought you could accomplish the same effect with a scene of young Barack at a student rally, or maybe try replacing the “rare cab driver” character with an AIDS clinic worker.
Also, we’re pretty sure Obama never said “smell you later” to anyone, let alone to George W. Bush on his inauguration day.
You’ve done a really great job showing Barack’s Hawaiian roots. But after the luau, hula competition and surf camp scenes in the opening twenty minutes, do we really need Barack to wear a lei throughout the whole rest of the movie?
Just because we’ve got a popular black comedic actor in a sappy biopic doesn’t mean we can cut corners. Pages 56 to 72 are just the screenplay for Ray with the words “but he can see” pasted after each stage direction. At least replace the piano with a podium, something.
Of course, we’re all hoping that this thing will get some awards. It’s a touching portrait of an incredible man. But we also don’t want to count our chickens before they hatch. In other words, it might be a good idea to cut the in-character Oscar acceptance speech after the credits (but leave the blooper reel; really takes the edge off the assassination ending).
BARACK OBAMA IS NOT A ROBOT. I cannot stress this enough.
I hate to say it, because it was one of our favorite scenes, but Pg. 34-39 has got to go. Oliver Stone’s people said they’re definitely not cool with a W. crossover, and I’m afraid the Step it Up: 2 Tha Streets people felt the same. Obama and Hillary will just have to find some other way to settle their differences.
We loved the Bill Ayers/Barack Obama camping trip and hug montage. Maybe work in some high-fives as well? We don’t want to risk being too subtext-y.
Now, I know you’ve got a difficult job: you’re writing the life story of a man whose greatest achievements are, hopefully, ahead of him. Nevertheless, we really think it might be a mistake to invent scenes from throughout Obama’s term during the third act.
For example, the scene where Obama beats Osama Bin Laden in a dunk competition and sends him back to his home planet, SpaceJam (also, if you are indeed stealing the plot of Space Jam, you should know that’s not the name of the planet) may be exciting, but if it somehow turns out that doesn’t happen, it’ll really kill our DVD sales. Always be thinking ahead guys.
And because I know what you’re going to ask, no, just putting the word “hypothetical” on the bottom of the screen won’t change our minds. It didn’t work for the Obama cloning scene (see later notes on this), and it won’t work here. This is a definite cut.
”Urf?” Really? Come on guys. And I can’t believe I have to point this out, but when people talk about illegal aliens, they’re actually referring to non-citizen foreigners.
John McCain is much older than Barack Obama, and from a different state. It’s pretty unlikely that Lil’ McCain and Lil’ Barack would have formed any kind of childhood club, let alone a detective agency. Also, why is this scene at the end? You’re either ripping off Benjamin Button or Memento, and I don’t think we have legal clearance for either.
Even if Barack Obama were cloned, the idea that the clone would be a fully grown evil version of Barack is scientifically unlikely.
And he almost certainly wouldn’t step out of the smoking clone chamber, “damp member aquiver (P. 108)” and say “I make this look good.”
When not script doctoring, Michael serves as head writer for and co-founder of Those Aren’t Muskets!
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September 12th, 2009 at 11:43 am
ASAP
July 31st, 2009 at 11:31 am
this is the closest look alike to malia obama follow this ste to view http://sites.google.com/site/needmalialookalike/
June 20th, 2009 at 11:58 am
Hey, nice tips. Perhaps I’ll buy a bottle of beer to that man from that forum who told me to visit your site
p.s. Year One is already on the Internet and you can watch it for free.
April 15th, 2009 at 7:29 am
I can tell that this is not the first time at all that you mention the topic. Why have you chosen it again?
February 18th, 2009 at 1:51 am
Why is’nt this on the home page? Oh how about Wesley Snipes play Obama. The tax thing…??
January 26th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
Sexy girl fights two guys: HOT!
http://www.tokillfor.com/view_video.php?viewkey=fab6abfcf1c333aa9838&page=8&viewtype=&category=mr
January 25th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
“DAMP MEMBER AQUIVER!”
January 25th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
These are always the funniest things on the site, or at least second to the “Grossly Inaccurate Reviews”.
January 25th, 2009 at 9:25 am
AHAH w00t to you swaim you be the man.
*hi five*
January 25th, 2009 at 8:03 am
Great article, haven’t laughed that hard in a while.
January 25th, 2009 at 2:17 am
Way to work in some spam, Kendall! I give you an “A” for effort.
January 24th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
I just read a powerful article about Will Smith at http://www.ebmpublishing.com. The article was wonderfully written and showed a different side of him. It discussed in detail his approach to life and commitment to improving the community. It’s an engaging, thought provoking article that gave me a new found level of respect for him.
January 24th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
Paul Giamatti for John McCain ‘08!
January 24th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
I’m sure the Prince is a lovely guy, but Edward Norton would be far less annoying in almost any role.
Eric, I’m well aware of Denzel’s turn as Malcolm X. Also, I can’t help thinking of the whole Joe Louis/Rocky Marciano thing from “Coming to America”. Tookie? That would be impressive.
January 24th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Will Smith’s casting to play Obama is just a show of admiration and respect between them for their mutual accomplishments in regard to their shared racial heritage. The real buzz is around Edward Norton or Robert Downey Jr. to play the president.
January 24th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
FAIL.
January 24th, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Jay: greatest heavyweight? overstatement of the century
also, Denzel Washington already played Malcolm X
how about Huey Newton or Tookie?
January 24th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Not funny, but it’s on Cracked, so why should I be surprised?
January 24th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
This flick should have Morgan Freeman playing his God role from the Bruce and Evan Almighty movies telling Obama that he is not the messiah and that he must publicly demand and end to all media, entertainment industry, and cult of personality-style worship of his public persona or God will see to it that he does not last a full term.
January 24th, 2009 at 10:07 am
Greatest heavyweight, first black president; can Will Smith please be Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Marvin Gaye and Sidney Poitier while he’s at it?
January 24th, 2009 at 7:07 am
Recommending a scene where Obama confronts his evil twin on a rooftop and says, “Time to bail out the economy” and pushes him off.
January 24th, 2009 at 7:05 am
I want this to be real :’(
January 24th, 2009 at 6:16 am
Shaun needs to check his flat for gas leaks…
January 24th, 2009 at 5:15 am
This is the first really funny article I’ve seen on Cracked in absolutely weeks !
January 24th, 2009 at 4:53 am
amen to that melly. i almost wish he was an evil pirate right now. raiding my house. and all the valuables are in my room. under the covers.
January 24th, 2009 at 12:21 am
Barack Obama looks freakishly hot with an eye patch.
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:11 pm
Fist bump…doesn’t that sound dirty?
Fist bump fist bump fist bump.
January 23rd, 2009 at 7:41 pm
Dammit.. What is wrong with a little real sometimes?.. I get so tired of this ALWAYS humorous world, political incorrectness, and everyone so lessie faire - - hahaha, right.. Go Swaim!!..
January 23rd, 2009 at 7:25 pm
change the assasination ending to a crusifiction…
January 23rd, 2009 at 6:48 pm
I laughed out loud at the idea of the “childhood Obama & McCain detective agency” placed inexplicably at the end of the film.
Good article Swaim!
January 23rd, 2009 at 6:39 pm
Great job , Mr. Swaim, very funny.
January 23rd, 2009 at 5:50 pm
If only film producers/directors/etc. would actually take script notes like this.
If only…
January 23rd, 2009 at 5:46 pm
I like Swaim better in video form. Most of his articles i don’t even want to read..like this one. And i didn’t!
January 23rd, 2009 at 5:40 pm
What’s that Jimmy? Am I TOO REAL FOR YOU? Is the Swaim experience TOO MUCH TO TAKE? Bazooooooooom.
January 23rd, 2009 at 5:40 pm
CavalierX: Obama was offered a book deal upon becoming the first black editor of the Harvard Law Review. This book became Dreams from my Father. His second book (not an autobiography) was published when he was a sitting US Senator. Lots of those guys write books. In fact, most published authors have done less. My uncle has a book out and he’s batshit insane. What audacity Obama had, to write a book when he’s not even running for president!
The internet is serious bizness.
January 23rd, 2009 at 5:20 pm
I’ve read much better from you Swaim. It’s just that you sometimes get a tad too real.
January 23rd, 2009 at 4:31 pm
I was going to say, being pretty close in age, Will Smith is too old for the role….but then I remembered that presidents age twice as fast as normal people and Hollywood types either age well or turn to plastic…so this should work
January 23rd, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Swaim, you rock. I love the tone of the script notes. Excellent. Great Photoshop of Obama’s evil clone, by the way; he looks like a would-be Nickleback-style rocker on a pirate kick.
January 23rd, 2009 at 3:51 pm
But what if he was a bioengineered cyber-human designed to age slower than usual, cloned at birth (cyber-birth?), and capable of inventing an machine that allows him to travel between alternative universes? That solves a Jam-load of problems into a believable Space.
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:48 pm
I know nothing about this film that isn’t mentioned immediately in the article, but I really hope they film the film as Obama’s presidency continues. So as Obama does something in real life, Will Smith can act it. When Obama’s presidency ends, the film will be released, just in time for the Summer 2010 cinema rush.
(I hate to say it, but the assassination gags are actually getting a bit tired already).
Also, Bruce Willis for Joe the Plumber, obviously. And Steve Buscemi as Joe Biden, Halle Berry as Michelle Obama, and the Olsen twins as the little Obamas.
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:46 pm
hilarious! not too long and plenty of good jokes that work.
BARACK OBAMA IS NOT A ROBOT. I cannot stress this enough.
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:13 pm
holy..freaking..hell.
they’re actually making a movie with Will Smith to play Obama?
you have got to be kidding me. it’ll never work because everyone knows Will Smith and everyone knows Obama. it would be better for them to find some obscure black actor who more resembles Obama so that it would be easier to actually get into the movie instead of watching it and trying to think “Obama” when you’re thinking “Will Smith.”
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:02 pm
i always seriously thought Will Smith was going to be the countrys first black president.
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Long time reader, first time replier.
“Pages 56 to 72 are just the screenplay for Ray with the words “but he can see” pasted after each stage direction.”
The epitome of why I hault all activities when you publish something.
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Here’s the casting
Adolf Obama as the Fuhrer
Clyde the Orangutan as Michelle Obama
Some howler monkeys as Screwy and Louie (or whatever the Obama brats are named)
A Homeless retard as Joe Biden.
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:52 am
[...] CLICK HERE Published in: [...]
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:43 am
Thanks, Swaim. Now I want to see Obama to grow a devil goatie and wear an eyepatch to work.
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:24 am
“it’s a bit odd, to say the least, that people are already talking about a movie about obama before he even becomes president.”
Why not? Obama wrote two autobiographies before he even ran. TWO! Which is REALLY odd, since he doesn’t seem to have accomplished anything except run for various offices, then use those positions to run for higher offices. What I want to know, is, who’s going to play wacky, bumbling white neighbor/unrepentant terrorist Bill Ayers in the movie, and is Sherman Hemsley available to play comic-relief hate preacher Jeremiah “God damn America” Wright? Come on, he’d be perfect!
January 23rd, 2009 at 10:53 am
ok…the other notes to screenplays were much funnier.
Maybe this only works properly with movies that have already come out.
January 23rd, 2009 at 10:19 am
jojo is what we like to call too damn sensitive or, in other words, a liberal.
Nice work Swaim, as always.
January 23rd, 2009 at 10:05 am
that wasn’t funny. at all.
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:59 am
Nice job, Swaim.
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:42 am
“damp member aquiver” - Brilliant.
January 22nd, 2009 at 10:30 pm
That was awesome. Great job Mike. Funniest blog on this site in a long time.
January 22nd, 2009 at 7:54 pm
I chuckled throughout, then the last bit hit and I laughed for a good five minutes, just when I thought it was over.
January 22nd, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Pretty funny Swaim , by the way your hair looked great, oh wait that was John McCain.
January 22nd, 2009 at 12:52 pm
“damp member aquiver (P. 108)”
Wow… I always wondered how I should word that, when it happens to me.
Thanks, GI Joe! Knowing is, indeed, half the battle!
January 22nd, 2009 at 11:37 am
it’s a bit odd, to say the least, that people are already talking about a movie about obama before he even becomes president. although, from what i can gather after reading the article, it’s entirely possible that the scientologists have actually diseased his brain so completely that he has literally become dangerously delusional, and has been reduced to a sputtering psychopath. as much as i like will smith, i’d really rather that be the case than a horrific and premature movie be made about barack obama’s boring life thus far.
January 22nd, 2009 at 11:19 am
Jeff Goldblum/Tommy Lee Jones as Biden.
January 22nd, 2009 at 10:34 am
After reading this my biggest question is: who is going to play Swinging Joe Biden? And more importantly, who is going to play Joe the Plumber? You said it yourself, got to think ahead: sequels people, sequels!
January 22nd, 2009 at 10:24 am
lolz
January 22nd, 2009 at 9:21 am
Why isn’t this article linked to on the first page? ._.
January 22nd, 2009 at 9:13 am
I like this article, very entertaining, good joke–
…wait, Will Smith already laid claim to that? Holy damn.