Nobody Ever Said Being A National Joke Was Going To Be Easy: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
The fame that comes with being a Cracked blogger has its pros and cons. I can always get a reservation at fancy restaurants, I get into all the most exclusive night clubs, and thousands of women email me pictures of their junk on a daily basis. That's great and all, and yeah, I'm filthy rich and everything, but it's not all cash and clubbing and ill-lit close-up jpgs; the schedule can be exhausting, the gossip mags say the nastiest things, and I can barely walk down the street anymore without a dozen women throwing themselves at my feet. It can get to be a little much sometimes, but hey
This gig is my Different Strokes (Gladstone is Willis, Swaim is Kimberly, and Daniel O'Brien is the maid). That being said, what's going to happen to us when it's over? Swaim will end up doing porn and OD'ing (but we all knew that was going to happen anyway), and Gladstone will knock out Vanilla Ice on Celebrity Boxing, but what about me?! Will I be making diaper rash cream commercials and making fun of myself on any show that will take me? Will I run for Governor and get 14,242 votes? Perhaps most importantly, will I end up on Divorce Court with my beastly ginger wife and talk about my inability to get an erection on national television? Is that's what's going to happen to me?!
How much money could Gary Coleman have possibly received to appear on this show, and at what price does it actually become worth it to tell the world you're packing a limp noodle? My guess is that he got paid $10,000 for this. Times must be rough for Gary Coleman.
You know what he should probably do with that money? Go to community college and get an associate's degree. Something practical. Data processing, or maybe stenography or something. Anything to get this guy a steady paycheck and some dignity. Seriously, Gary - get it together.
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ReplyGreat post...
ReplyJose...
This topic is quite trendy on the Internet right now. What do you pay attention to when choosing what to write ?
Replyp.s. Year One is already on the Internet and you can watch it for free.
HI looks very interesting! bookmarked your blog. john brightman
ReplyYou know, I'd still kill to have Gary's level of celebrity. In fact, some people say I already have. Some people better know to keep their mouthes shut.
ReplyI'D fuck her. But that's not saying much. My experience with beastly redheads is that they're usually awesome in the sack, which makes up for whatever other shortcomings they almost always have (and I'm sure they say the same about me, except for the "awesome in the sack" part). But then if one must avoid the sack...hmm. Poor Gary, indeed. He should have managed his money better, no?
ReplyI too, am loving her with my brain. It's something she can't see. But I do it all the time. Sometimes six or seven times a day. She is too beautiful to be here, and should go home, with me, and my brain. My massive, long brain.
ReplySay what you want about Gary's failing life, but the man is a love poet the likes nobody will ever know. And that's why he has a semi-attractive wife that he doesn't even feel like boning. Because he kicks that much ass.
Wern't these two just on the TODAY show like a few weeks ago, professing thier love and crap? (I know Colman was, and I think it's the same red headed beast woman) I remember them saying something to the effect that they hadn't had sex yet. When did this episode of Divorce Court air?
ReplyAlso, @ Ross: "Perhaps most importantly, will I end up on Divorce Court with my beastly ginger wife and talk about my inability to get an erection on national television? Is that’s what’s going to happen to me?! "
Sorry to hear about your impotence. You know, they make drugs for that now.
Not that I watch the Tyra Banks show or anything, but this one time I was REALLY bored and had read everything on Cracked so I may have watched some of it. Anyway. Gary was on it with this redhead lady talking about how they finally found love and stuff. So that makes it extra sad to watch this.
ReplyExtra sad.
Damn, poor Gary Coleman.
ReplyGary Coleman: Tye Next Home Stenographer.
Replyand yeah, I'm low enough to laugh at this.
I KNOW THIS GIRL!!!! I KNOW THIS GIRL!!!! I GREW UP WITH THIS GIRL!!! She was never on any televsion show and she's really trashy. Does this happen to people often!? Seeing people they know on court tv? I'm geeking out right now. She grw up in Salt Lake Fucking City! When the hell did this happen!?!?
ReplyThere's a slight resembelance, but yes, the daughter from Grounded For Life is a rather hot ginger.
Replyif you are referring to the daughter from Grounded for Life, then she is way too hot to be Gary Coleman's wife.
ReplyWho would Chris Bucholz be?
ReplyI think it was Grounded For Life was it not?
Replyyeah, i believe she was on The Facts of Life. Not really though, but she is sick enough to be on that show. also, please someone bash my skull until i forget what The Facts of Life is. or i forget until i stumble upon another blog that reminds me to compare someone to the show, The Facts of Life. At least i will be happy until that day comes though.
Reply