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Hi, blogging to you from my Mac again because apparently Back To School season is a bad time to buy a laptop online and expect to receive it in a prompt fashion. To recap, my HBN supercomputer fell to pieces.  My blogging software is not compatible with my other computer - a Mac.  Accordingly, there is no HBN this week.  ”But G-Stone,” you ask. “Can’t Cracked just FedEX you one from it’s large empire?”  To you I reply, “Have you been listening? We’re talking about a company that STILL hasn’t supplied me with my requested scantily-clad HBN assistants.” Seriously. I have no idea how they expect me to work without them.

So I’m sorry. No HBN today.  And possibly no HBN next week unless that new computer comes in the mail.

I know it’s disappointing. Unless you’re one of those that think I suck. Then today can be viewed as kind of a national holiday. In the meantime, if you don’t think I suck then why not become my Facebook friend and tell me just how much i’ve disappointed you?  And by that I mean send me dirty pictures.

There is also something of an ahem “fan club” that I did not start, but which is presently filled with 25 of the smartes, sexiest, most beautiful people you’ve ever seen. And you can join that too. And by join that I mean send me dirty pictures.


Gladstone wants to be your special friend. Check out some more of his stuff HERE and OVER HERE and HERE TOO.

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62 Responses to “No HBN Today.”

  1. kingmonkey loves you Says:

    MacHaggis, I never said I’d still respect you in the morning. What I said was I wouldn’t repsect you any less. There’s a big difference there.

    Oh yea, I’m gonna need that 20.00 back. I didn’t mean to leave it there, I just don’t have any pockets in the moose costume.

    Buy my book! (The Kama Moosetra)

  2. glendoor42 Says:

    “Someone once wrote that the moose is a surprisingly gentle lover.”

    kingmonkey+1 you know who wrote that, that was you!!!! In your infamous book
    “The Karma Moosesutra.”.

  3. MacHaggis Says:

    Wait! P-S Ross was molested by a policeman and I got “gored” by a Regal Simian? You know, you promised to respect me in the morning as well but, that never happened.

    I thought a talking moose was strange, but I went with it. And now that I think about it, why would a Moose have a wallet and leave $20.00 tucked into my waistband?

    Shit.

    P.S. You were wonderful… call me?

  4. glendoor42 Says:

    Last!!!!

  5. Crunchy Says:

    Uh oh, I sense a flare up coming on . . .

    http://www.digitalfuntown.com/showpage.php?showid=5

  6. kingmonkey loves you Says:

    You anti-moosites are really pissing me off. Someone once wrote that the moose is a surprisingly gentle lover. When I wear my costume, I try to be as gentle as I can. MacHaggis, I’m sorry if it hurt.

  7. potzy Says:

    Probably broke your computer in one of your racist rallies you attend regularly. Damn racist!

  8. BigBlue Says:

    Dude I love Mooses (Meece? Moose?) I have no problem with them. except that one who gave me iHerpes (ur welcome Res_Ipsa)

  9. Panzer-Stier Ross Says:

    That wasn’t from the moose by the way, the gamekeeper on that piece of land really likes it rough MacHaggis. I too noticed something was up the way the police never turned up like he said they were going to and I had to take my trousers off.

    And he doesn’t call the next day either.

  10. MacHaggis Says:

    J-Pappi, I only make it with Sheep and Cattle when drunk. The first and only time I tried to get it on with a moose… well, let’s just say I’m still getting plastic surgery on my a-hole to reduce the scar.

  11. alesa Says:

    Gladstone I love you. I hope they hurry with your computer so that you can go back to forcing you hatefull opinions on everyone.

  12. alesa Says:

    Heck yes southern girls are hot. I’m a southern girl, and your right glendoor, I’m mostly irish. Strawberry blond hair and everything.

  13. MJ -89 Says:

    @ Gladstone
    Mine is the one that says Love MJ at the end (It’s my secret identity)

    And I have added you as a friend, I like to think all my other friends will be impressed by my famous Facebook connections (aka you) but to be honest I’m not entirely sure all of them (any of them?) will know who you are.

  14. Panzer-Stier Ross Says:

    that was supposed to say ‘with strong ties in the U.S.’

  15. Panzer-Stier Ross Says:

    Dammit, us Panzer-Stiers are a proud and noble family with . I mean, my cousin Groß-Bär James lives in New York, my uncle Axt-Kämpfer Ian and aunt Swartzwind Leanne both live in Pittsburg.

  16. kingmonkey +1 Says:

    Hmmm… I wouldn’t have thought Panzer-Stier would be such a common name in the US.

    “MSchmahl Says:

    August 11th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
    No HBN? Oh no, the terrorists (by which I mean Dan the Man) have won!”

    I’ts true; if you stop hating, you’ve given in to terror.

  17. Panzer-Stier Ross Says:

    …….Damn.

    I do actually know that too, most of our lowland clan ended up in Texas. There’s six guys with my exact name in one area of Dallas according to a Texas phone book.

    I’m sort of flirting with this girl from Utah, which I know isn’t Southern, but I think Western girls have the same deal?

  18. glendoor42 Says:

    Ross probably around 75% of Southern women are of soft Irish or Scottish Celtic charm or the Scot Irish mix that the English ran out of England about 200 years or so ago.

  19. Gladstone Says:

    MJ-89, the kafka picture is my facebook picture. Feel free to add away. I’m not sure which wall comment is yours.

    So here’s an update: Due to Cracked’s assistance helping me through this temporary technological wrinkle, a new HBN on Monday seems likely.

    Thanks for all the friend requests guys. Now, I’m gonna be the most popular boy in my junior high school!!!

  20. Razok Says:

    Damn. No Hate by Numbers… I really do look forward to your weekly barroom commentaries on the most annoying people on Earth.

    You will tell me the name of this company that has defecated on Hate by Numbers.

    You will tell me… and I will make things happen.

    Bad things. (To them, not you.)

  21. Panzer-Stier Ross Says:

    I wouldn’t mind trading some hot Southern women for some soft Irish or Scottish Celtic charm, and let me tell you - Scottish women can take care of themselves. I always find that pretty damn hot.

    To me there’s nothing sexier than a hot girl who can kick ass and give sass. If that rhymes fuck it, it was meant to.

  22. MJ -89 Says:

    So I went to add you as a friend on Facebook but after seeing the picture on the Wayne Gladstone you linked us to I had this horrible feeling that is was just some random kid you were trying to trick us into abusing the form of friend requests…. So instead I left a mean message on the wall of Gladstoners. Enjoy! (Also add me as a friend if I was wrong or I’ll DEFINITELY not be sending dirty pictures)

  23. glendoor42 Says:

    Gladstone?

  24. Wallsy Says:

    I agreed to be your Cracked friend, Gladstone, but FaceBook? That’s just going too far. What sort of sick, disgusting pervert asks people to use FaceBook?

  25. J-Pappi Says:

    You oughta know, my brothah; you right around the corner and we seem to have the same profession/pastime.

  26. Metalbrainsurgery Says:

    I’m going to agree with J-pappi about the southern women.

  27. MSchmahl Says:

    No HBN? Oh no, the terrorists (by which I mean Dan the Man) have won!

  28. J-Pappi Says:

    Thank you, sammy; I just wish girls would stop telling me that when I disrobe.

  29. squaresquare Says:

    Dear Gladstone,

    My daddy says you have changed. He says you stopped making videos because you don’t hate stuff anymore. I told him he was a liar and that you hate stuff a lot. You still hate stuff right Gladstone?

    Squaresquare, age 31

  30. sammy Says:

    j-pappi, you’re a funny s.o.b

  31. glendoor42 Says:

    Because that at one time was totally true.

  32. glendoor42 Says:

    Are you calling me a whore?

  33. AnActualFemale@thisSite Says:

    Nice. Macs go form bestiality to iHerpes. My mac gave me iHerpes. I keep having to download firewalls to make it go away. It promised if I bought an iPod my iHerpes would leave…

    BUT APPLE LIED!!!

  34. J-Pappi Says:

    No way, dude; Stalin was from Jersey.

  35. J-Pappi Says:

    There are trashy people everywhere; New York and L.A. studios tend to comb the South for those people because they consider the accent funny. I promise you dude, women here are way hotter per capita (thanks for the backup, gg!). Ask Glendoor; he’s been around too. I just wish they’d get over themselves sometimes and realize their bodies are meant for sharing. :-)

  36. sammy Says:

    i think stalin was a southern woman

  37. greengoddess Says:

    No Hate By Numbers? And Facebook? You suck Gladstone. (I still think you’re hot)

    And J-Pappi is totally right. Southern women rule. The bitch thing is true, too.

  38. petra Says:

    This is what you get for buying a Mac, G-Stone.

  39. Panzer-Stier Ross Says:

    I’ve seen Jerry Springer J-Pappi, some day I might come over and find my own pregnant incest ridden-barefoot princess.

  40. J-Pappi Says:

    They’ve already done that, R_I. Syphilis was a disease inherent to sheep; a leading theory suggests it was transferred to humans through early European farmers.

  41. J-Pappi Says:

    Sour grapes, sammy.

    Ross, oddly enough the women are bigger and more beastly the further north you go in America too. Southern women rule. At least in looks; unfortunately they also rule in bitchery.

  42. Res_Ipsa Says:

    I love how quickly the comments devolved into bestiality and STDs. Now, someone needs to quick combine the two.

  43. Panzer-Stier Ross Says:

    No no, further north you go though the more women start to resemble beasts.

    If stuck in a 300 person town with a choice between Big Mary the local whore, with a 40 inch waistline and biceps that crush rocks, or a herd of sheep, I know my choice.

  44. Metalbrainsurgery Says:

    meh

  45. sammy Says:

    I hope your sex life is as dormant as your herpes

  46. J-Pappi Says:

    Drunken Scots? Say it ain’t so! We’ll have to ask MacHaggis.

  47. J-Pappi Says:

    I don’t know what the big deal about herpes is, mine never came back after the first outbreak. As for the whole “you can still pass it on even if there’s not an outbreak” thing, who gives a shit? It’s not like I can get it again.

  48. kingmonkey +1 Says:

    Ross, thank goodness you clarified. I had a nightmare vision when you mentioned ‘reindeer-themed film.’ I thought it was some kind of bestiality thing… we’ve heard stories about drunken Scots, you see.

  49. Wry-Bread Says:

    Well, I would join Facebook, but I am in general -against- Facebook. :< A dilemma. How about I just send you a message on here like once a month to see if you’re still alive? And in Maine?

  50. sammy Says:

    with a “smaller cold-sore” application

  51. Panzer-Stier Ross Says:

    And iHerpes is a fucking crock, it makes you constantly pay for tiny amounts of medication, only to make you upgrade to a newer, better medication whilest telling you your old medication is obsolete and makes your herpes worse.

  52. Panzer-Stier Ross Says:

    It was a woman dressed as a reindeer (well, nude with antlers) and a drunk santa.

    Holiday fun for everyone!

  53. glendoor42 Says:

    “my sister just bought a mac and it gave her herpes”

    That’s iHerpes. Worse than regular herpes.

  54. glendoor42 Says:

    Hey no problem Ross, what was the nane of the film ” Rudolf the Dicked Nosed Reindeer”?

  55. glendoor42 Says:

    Wayne, you want me to join facebook and send you dirty pictures of ME, a fourty year, bald fat man? Dude you are sick.

  56. Panzer-Stier Ross Says:

    Thanks Glendoor buddy, you basically just brought up horrific memories of a reindeer-themed santa-related christmas ‘film’ I once saw. Thanks, now I’m going to have to repress again just to forget about it.

  57. sammy Says:

    my sister just bought a mac and it gave her herpes

  58. glendoor42 Says:

    The only “folk” that I that are aroused by “butt-naked Casnadians dressed in only moose antlers.” are certain Hungarian ex P0rn stars, that live in my house most of the time.

  59. Panzer-Stier Ross Says:

    Second, but it has to be Trish Stratus. Maybe Trish in some moose antlers and furry boots.

  60. AtomicSpike Says:

    And I am one of them!

  61. Panzer-Stier Ross Says:

    To be fair your Simian highness, only certain folk are aroused by butt-naked Casnadians dressed in only moose antlers.

  62. kingmonkey +1 Says:

    Yeah, right. I sent Gladstone a number of dirty, sexy pictures of myself, and his reaction was less than favourable. Stop sending me mixed messages, Wayne! Quit playin’ games with my heart.

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