Hi, blogging to you from my Mac again because apparently Back To School season is a bad time to buy a laptop online and expect to receive it in a prompt fashion. To recap, my HBN supercomputer fell to pieces. My blogging software is not compatible with my other computer - a Mac. Accordingly, there is no HBN this week. ”But G-Stone,” you ask. “Can’t Cracked just FedEX you one from it’s large empire?” To you I reply, “Have you been listening? We’re talking about a company that STILL hasn’t supplied me with my requested scantily-clad HBN assistants.” Seriously. I have no idea how they expect me to work without them.
So I’m sorry. No HBN today. And possibly no HBN next week unless that new computer comes in the mail.
I know it’s disappointing. Unless you’re one of those that think I suck. Then today can be viewed as kind of a national holiday. In the meantime, if you don’t think I suck then why not become my Facebook friend and tell me just how much i’ve disappointed you? And by that I mean send me dirty pictures.
There is also something of an ahem “fan club” that I did not start, but which is presently filled with 25 of the smartes, sexiest, most beautiful people you’ve ever seen. And you can join that too. And by join that I mean send me dirty pictures.
Gladstone wants to be your special friend. Check out some more of his stuff HERE and OVER HERE and HERE TOO.
Last 5 posts by HBN
- CNN Thinks Gift Cards Are Complicated (or Contest Winners, Rankings and preparing for the end) - November 17th, 2008
- Twilight Looks Like Crap (or Announcing the Hate By Numbers Contest) - November 10th, 2008
- Japanese Cat Saves Local Economy (Or What Would Hate By Numbers Look Like Without Hate) - November 3rd, 2008
- Marcia Brady Has More Problems Than You'd Imagine (If you imagine that fictional characters are real) - October 27th, 2008
- What if WalMart Made a Movie (or Jack O'Brien works for a living) - October 20th, 2008
August 14th, 2008 at 10:21 am
MacHaggis, I never said I’d still respect you in the morning. What I said was I wouldn’t repsect you any less. There’s a big difference there.
Oh yea, I’m gonna need that 20.00 back. I didn’t mean to leave it there, I just don’t have any pockets in the moose costume.
Buy my book! (The Kama Moosetra)
August 13th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
“Someone once wrote that the moose is a surprisingly gentle lover.”
kingmonkey+1 you know who wrote that, that was you!!!! In your infamous book
“The Karma Moosesutra.”.
August 13th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Wait! P-S Ross was molested by a policeman and I got “gored” by a Regal Simian? You know, you promised to respect me in the morning as well but, that never happened.
I thought a talking moose was strange, but I went with it. And now that I think about it, why would a Moose have a wallet and leave $20.00 tucked into my waistband?
Shit.
P.S. You were wonderful… call me?
August 13th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Last!!!!
August 13th, 2008 at 11:45 am
Uh oh, I sense a flare up coming on . . .
http://www.digitalfuntown.com/showpage.php?showid=5
August 13th, 2008 at 7:44 am
You anti-moosites are really pissing me off. Someone once wrote that the moose is a surprisingly gentle lover. When I wear my costume, I try to be as gentle as I can. MacHaggis, I’m sorry if it hurt.
August 12th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Probably broke your computer in one of your racist rallies you attend regularly. Damn racist!
August 12th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Dude I love Mooses (Meece? Moose?) I have no problem with them. except that one who gave me iHerpes (ur welcome Res_Ipsa)
August 12th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
That wasn’t from the moose by the way, the gamekeeper on that piece of land really likes it rough MacHaggis. I too noticed something was up the way the police never turned up like he said they were going to and I had to take my trousers off.
And he doesn’t call the next day either.
August 12th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
J-Pappi, I only make it with Sheep and Cattle when drunk. The first and only time I tried to get it on with a moose… well, let’s just say I’m still getting plastic surgery on my a-hole to reduce the scar.
August 12th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Gladstone I love you. I hope they hurry with your computer so that you can go back to forcing you hatefull opinions on everyone.
August 12th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Heck yes southern girls are hot. I’m a southern girl, and your right glendoor, I’m mostly irish. Strawberry blond hair and everything.
August 12th, 2008 at 8:30 am
@ Gladstone
Mine is the one that says Love MJ at the end (It’s my secret identity)
And I have added you as a friend, I like to think all my other friends will be impressed by my famous Facebook connections (aka you) but to be honest I’m not entirely sure all of them (any of them?) will know who you are.
August 12th, 2008 at 7:53 am
that was supposed to say ‘with strong ties in the U.S.’
August 12th, 2008 at 7:51 am
Dammit, us Panzer-Stiers are a proud and noble family with . I mean, my cousin Groß-Bär James lives in New York, my uncle Axt-Kämpfer Ian and aunt Swartzwind Leanne both live in Pittsburg.
August 12th, 2008 at 7:38 am
Hmmm… I wouldn’t have thought Panzer-Stier would be such a common name in the US.
“MSchmahl Says:
August 11th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
No HBN? Oh no, the terrorists (by which I mean Dan the Man) have won!”
I’ts true; if you stop hating, you’ve given in to terror.
August 12th, 2008 at 6:40 am
…….Damn.
I do actually know that too, most of our lowland clan ended up in Texas. There’s six guys with my exact name in one area of Dallas according to a Texas phone book.
I’m sort of flirting with this girl from Utah, which I know isn’t Southern, but I think Western girls have the same deal?
August 12th, 2008 at 6:29 am
Ross probably around 75% of Southern women are of soft Irish or Scottish Celtic charm or the Scot Irish mix that the English ran out of England about 200 years or so ago.
August 12th, 2008 at 6:29 am
MJ-89, the kafka picture is my facebook picture. Feel free to add away. I’m not sure which wall comment is yours.
So here’s an update: Due to Cracked’s assistance helping me through this temporary technological wrinkle, a new HBN on Monday seems likely.
Thanks for all the friend requests guys. Now, I’m gonna be the most popular boy in my junior high school!!!
August 12th, 2008 at 5:38 am
Damn. No Hate by Numbers… I really do look forward to your weekly barroom commentaries on the most annoying people on Earth.
You will tell me the name of this company that has defecated on Hate by Numbers.
You will tell me… and I will make things happen.
Bad things. (To them, not you.)
August 12th, 2008 at 5:21 am
I wouldn’t mind trading some hot Southern women for some soft Irish or Scottish Celtic charm, and let me tell you - Scottish women can take care of themselves. I always find that pretty damn hot.
To me there’s nothing sexier than a hot girl who can kick ass and give sass. If that rhymes fuck it, it was meant to.
August 12th, 2008 at 4:46 am
So I went to add you as a friend on Facebook but after seeing the picture on the Wayne Gladstone you linked us to I had this horrible feeling that is was just some random kid you were trying to trick us into abusing the form of friend requests…. So instead I left a mean message on the wall of Gladstoners. Enjoy! (Also add me as a friend if I was wrong or I’ll DEFINITELY not be sending dirty pictures)
August 12th, 2008 at 2:02 am
Gladstone?
August 12th, 2008 at 12:53 am
I agreed to be your Cracked friend, Gladstone, but FaceBook? That’s just going too far. What sort of sick, disgusting pervert asks people to use FaceBook?
August 11th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
You oughta know, my brothah; you right around the corner and we seem to have the same profession/pastime.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
I’m going to agree with J-pappi about the southern women.
August 11th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
No HBN? Oh no, the terrorists (by which I mean Dan the Man) have won!
August 11th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Thank you, sammy; I just wish girls would stop telling me that when I disrobe.
August 11th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Dear Gladstone,
My daddy says you have changed. He says you stopped making videos because you don’t hate stuff anymore. I told him he was a liar and that you hate stuff a lot. You still hate stuff right Gladstone?
Squaresquare, age 31
August 11th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
j-pappi, you’re a funny s.o.b
August 11th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Because that at one time was totally true.
August 11th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Are you calling me a whore?
August 11th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Nice. Macs go form bestiality to iHerpes. My mac gave me iHerpes. I keep having to download firewalls to make it go away. It promised if I bought an iPod my iHerpes would leave…
BUT APPLE LIED!!!
August 11th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
No way, dude; Stalin was from Jersey.
August 11th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
There are trashy people everywhere; New York and L.A. studios tend to comb the South for those people because they consider the accent funny. I promise you dude, women here are way hotter per capita (thanks for the backup, gg!). Ask Glendoor; he’s been around too. I just wish they’d get over themselves sometimes and realize their bodies are meant for sharing.
August 11th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
i think stalin was a southern woman
August 11th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
No Hate By Numbers? And Facebook? You suck Gladstone. (I still think you’re hot)
And J-Pappi is totally right. Southern women rule. The bitch thing is true, too.
August 11th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
This is what you get for buying a Mac, G-Stone.
August 11th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
I’ve seen Jerry Springer J-Pappi, some day I might come over and find my own pregnant incest ridden-barefoot princess.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:48 am
They’ve already done that, R_I. Syphilis was a disease inherent to sheep; a leading theory suggests it was transferred to humans through early European farmers.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Sour grapes, sammy.
Ross, oddly enough the women are bigger and more beastly the further north you go in America too. Southern women rule. At least in looks; unfortunately they also rule in bitchery.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:44 am
I love how quickly the comments devolved into bestiality and STDs. Now, someone needs to quick combine the two.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:16 am
No no, further north you go though the more women start to resemble beasts.
If stuck in a 300 person town with a choice between Big Mary the local whore, with a 40 inch waistline and biceps that crush rocks, or a herd of sheep, I know my choice.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:59 am
meh
August 11th, 2008 at 10:41 am
I hope your sex life is as dormant as your herpes
August 11th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Drunken Scots? Say it ain’t so! We’ll have to ask MacHaggis.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:22 am
I don’t know what the big deal about herpes is, mine never came back after the first outbreak. As for the whole “you can still pass it on even if there’s not an outbreak” thing, who gives a shit? It’s not like I can get it again.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Ross, thank goodness you clarified. I had a nightmare vision when you mentioned ‘reindeer-themed film.’ I thought it was some kind of bestiality thing… we’ve heard stories about drunken Scots, you see.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:36 am
Well, I would join Facebook, but I am in general -against- Facebook. :< A dilemma. How about I just send you a message on here like once a month to see if you’re still alive? And in Maine?
August 11th, 2008 at 9:26 am
with a “smaller cold-sore” application
August 11th, 2008 at 9:22 am
And iHerpes is a fucking crock, it makes you constantly pay for tiny amounts of medication, only to make you upgrade to a newer, better medication whilest telling you your old medication is obsolete and makes your herpes worse.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:21 am
It was a woman dressed as a reindeer (well, nude with antlers) and a drunk santa.
Holiday fun for everyone!
August 11th, 2008 at 9:18 am
“my sister just bought a mac and it gave her herpes”
That’s iHerpes. Worse than regular herpes.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:17 am
Hey no problem Ross, what was the nane of the film ” Rudolf the Dicked Nosed Reindeer”?
August 11th, 2008 at 9:15 am
Wayne, you want me to join facebook and send you dirty pictures of ME, a fourty year, bald fat man? Dude you are sick.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:15 am
Thanks Glendoor buddy, you basically just brought up horrific memories of a reindeer-themed santa-related christmas ‘film’ I once saw. Thanks, now I’m going to have to repress again just to forget about it.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:11 am
my sister just bought a mac and it gave her herpes
August 11th, 2008 at 9:08 am
The only “folk” that I that are aroused by “butt-naked Casnadians dressed in only moose antlers.” are certain Hungarian ex P0rn stars, that live in my house most of the time.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:07 am
Second, but it has to be Trish Stratus. Maybe Trish in some moose antlers and furry boots.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:06 am
And I am one of them!
August 11th, 2008 at 8:54 am
To be fair your Simian highness, only certain folk are aroused by butt-naked Casnadians dressed in only moose antlers.
August 11th, 2008 at 7:26 am
Yeah, right. I sent Gladstone a number of dirty, sexy pictures of myself, and his reaction was less than favourable. Stop sending me mixed messages, Wayne! Quit playin’ games with my heart.