If you’re like me, you’re sick and tired of watching stuff on a regular TV. In fact, if you’re like me, you’re fed up with even HAVING a TV at this point. I don’t care if it’s an old CRT with rabbit ears or one o’ them fancy-pants LCD whatsits hangin’ on the wall; either way it’s time to call up the Salvation Army or Goodwill or whatever and have them haul that embarrassing hunk of garbage out of your house. It’s 2008, and regular TVs are for poor people. You have discerning tastes, you have disposable income, and dagnabit, you deserve a projector that’s shaped like R2-D2.
And we have the technology. Thanks, Nikko Home Electronics.
Complete with inputs for a variety of analog & digital signals, built in speakers, and a projector that can crank out a 260 inch-wide picture, the R2-D2 Digital Audio & Video Projector is 100% guaranteed to fill that void in your empty apartment that your ex-girlfriend left when she moved out on you because you bought an R2-D2 Digital Audio & Video Projector. Gut-wrenching loneliness got you down? Try the Millenium Falcon remote control. Crippling depression and abandonment issues bubbling to the surface after years of suppression? Did I mention the iPod dock?
The R2-D2 is also able to recline and project a signal onto your ceiling. For example, if you had a home movie of you and your ex having a picnic together, and you wanted to project it onto the ceiling above the bed that the two of you used to share so you could watch it while crying and masturbating at the same time, the R2-D2 Digital Audio & Video Projector could TOTALLY handle that without a problem.
You could also use it to watch one of the many fine Star Wars films. Or Terminator 2, Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol, or Look Who’s Talking Too. Or any other movie you wanted to watch, really. They would all probably work.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 6th, 2008 at 11:00 am and is filed under Nooners, Products, Star Wars, TV, Video. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
8 Things 'The Lost Boys' Could Teach 'Twilight' Vampires
The 5 Lamest Forwarded Emails (And Why Your Mom Loves Them)
The 5 Biggest News Stories You Missed During Election Season
"I Have Brain Cancer": 6 Amazing Non-Sex Scenes from Porn
The End Of The Road (Sort Of): The Friday Nooner (EST)!
The 5 Most Ridiculous SkyMall Products Money Can Buy
The 8 Most Misguided Sci-Fi Versions Of 2008
10 Female 80s Cartoons That Ushered Us Into Manhood
Excerpts from Gary Condit’s Book ‘Humping Is Not Murder’
Copyright © 2005 - 2009 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
May 10th, 2008 at 6:00 am
When I think of Casnadian women I think of Trish Stratus if that helps.
May 9th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Not that I know of, but I’m then woefully ignorant about Canadian pop-starlets. She did cut all that hair off didn’t she, so maybe? I’ve always thought she was attractive in a slightly horsey kind of way. Not that I’m a lesbian or anything, because I’m TOTALLY NOT gay. Really. Truely. Soooo not a lesbian. ummm…. well, anyway.
The truth is I thought that you might be rebelling against Mrs. Glendoor’s latest visit lasting a bit too long, by fantasizing about Casnadian women. I just threw Alanis into the mix because…
a. She’s the only other Casnadian woman I could think of
b. She has a new CD out.
May 9th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Why, is Alanis a tranny?
May 9th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
I have no idea WTF is happening here. R2D2 to humping Alanis Morrisette? No, wait, let me read that bit again….
May 9th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Actually I was going to suggest some good old fashion dry-humping, with Alanis Morissette’s new CD playing in the backround.
May 9th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Oh… okay. In a way I’m a little disappointed. Thi sjust sort of dashes all those dreams of me sleeping with Avril the Tranny.
And before you suggest she just get a strap-on… it just wouldn’t be the same.
May 9th, 2008 at 11:14 am
I checked just for fun. Your trousers are spared.
May 9th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Victoria’s Secret Catalogue? How analog! You really must be old, lbh. The first Star Wars must have come to theatres on your 80th birthday.
These days we can just log into VictoriasSecret.com, like any self-respecting masturbator. Or http://www.AvrilLavigneHasAPenis.com.
I will literally shit myself if that turns out to be a real web site.
May 9th, 2008 at 8:33 am
Additional commentary from a Real Live Woman:
Well now we know how glendoor42 spent his tax rebate.
I really don’t think I’d mind all that much if my guy bought one of these. Though, I’d probably laugh my ass off when he brought it home and set it up. The only issues that are troublesome for me are
1. It looks like it could be a trip hazard and, trust me, at my age there’s nothing funny about hip replacement.
2. The size of Millenium Falcon shaped remote control will make it difficult to hide.
3. How is that guys these days need ever more ridiculously expensive gadgets to facilitate masturbation ? What ever happened slipping off with a copy of the latest Victoria Secret catalogue ?
May 9th, 2008 at 1:26 am
Ah, but can I connect it to my kindel?
May 8th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
I would write a witty retort but I’m busy right now trying to program my my R2-D2 projection television unit and Professor Boat Ho is asking me which bikini top matches her eyes. SHE IS NAKED BY THE WAY.
May 8th, 2008 at 8:29 am
Ross, I think my confusion came because I realized that the invers of my statement would be if you tried to be more of a girl, you would be even less of a girl. My brain was caught on a logic loop, and I spent the rest of the day flashing 12:00… 12:00… 12:00…
LBH is right… but since she answered first, A Real Live Girl loses by default. She is not in fact a real live girl, but some guy pretending to be one on Cracked with the implied purpose of seducing Star Wars loving nerds. How low is that? No really, I mean it; how low is that? I’ve never heard of something that sad.
glendoor42… your wife is very upset with you right now. When we got up this morning, she asked me to let you know. Then she muttered something in Hungarian which I couldn’t make out through the material of my moose costume.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
He’s Casnadia, who give a shit what he thinks. Plus he likes to have sex with my wife so his tastes can’t be that great.
May 7th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
@kingmonkey +1: “What would a girl wear to accesorize an ivory coloured pant suit?”…
Her “Clinton ‘08″ campaign pin ?
Although, as a real live woman, I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing either. The former because I’m an Autumn and the latter because…umm…well, it just ain’t gonna happen. Frankly, for some reason I’m not quite sure of, I find it vaguely upsetting that kingmonkey came up with that.
May 7th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
On a completely unrelated note I’m never walking through a field of thornbushes again.
May 7th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
But it’s hot outside, and I need the breeze.
Ahhhh, refreshing.
May 7th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
If you’ll notice a A Real Live Girl didn’t answer either one of you. And Ross if you would stop wearing kilts, kingmonkey +1 probably would not make assumptions like that about you.
May 7th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
I’m guessing you’re saying I couldn’t be less of a girl if I tried.
I think.
May 7th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Hmmm… That sentence makes no sense to me, now that I read it.
May 7th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
I don’t think you could be less of a girl if you tried, Ross.
May 7th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
I’m not a girl but I’d be guessing a heavy ivory club.
Practical yet stylish.
May 7th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Hold on, Parker… I sense something amiss. This may be a trap.
Okay, real live girl, if you really are a real live girl, then answer this question:
What would a girl wear to accesorize an ivory coloured pant suit?
May 7th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Wow really a real girl then I am totally getting one.
May 7th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
I would be into a guy that had this.
May 7th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Wild_Marker, are you Swedish?
May 7th, 2008 at 6:18 am
but, if you fall asleep with a proyector on your face, wouldn’t it be posible to actualy burn a nicer face into you with that?
May 7th, 2008 at 5:50 am
I’m with Kloi. What incredible danger is the safety control meant to prevent?
Sure you might just eliminate the risk of getting first degrees burns if you fall asleep with your face next to the projector for 12 consecutive days but chances are you’re just going to bash your un-burnt face against a wall anyway because your little brother has found the ’saftey feature’
May 6th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
As soon as I stopped laughing I looked it up.
$2,500.00.
May 6th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Birth control? I came in my pants just now.
May 6th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
better question, does it have sex with wall outlets to charge its batterys?
May 6th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
How much does it cost?
May 6th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
I hope the critical error sound is the howl R2 made when the Jawas zapped him.
May 6th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Fuck, I got a wife and I don’t care if she goes or not, I’m gonna get me one of those sons a bitches.
There I would be with my light saber, my Millenium Falcon remote and my R2-D2 projection TV fucking watching all the Star Wars movies during the day and watching adult films, ON THE FUCKING CEILING, with the boat ho teacher from Gladstone’s post ( Boat Ho would be there because Mrs.glendoor42 has probably taken off because I bought the R2-D2 thing, which is fine because Mrs.glendoor42 takes off to Casnadia all the time anyway to see her
pet monkey.)
I WOULD BE COOL AS ALL HELL!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you Ross for showing me this and once again bringing meaning to my life.
May 6th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Yeah, Gman, he’s a war veteran. Injured in battle at that. Ross is just a hater. Besides, I’d use this as a test. If your girl were to dig it, you’d know you had a keeper.
May 6th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
R2 helped destroy the Death Star, cut him some slack
May 6th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
the safety control looks excellent- now i can fornicate and instantly hide my pron!
but honestly, whats the safety control for?
May 6th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
When a burglar broke into my home, I was very scared until I realized I had R2. I sent him toward the burglar who then picked it up and chucked it at my head. I don’t remember what happened after that. What was this blog about?
May 6th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Lets keep it real Ross. Anyone who is interested in this product has no chance of having a girlfriend in the first place.
May 6th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Is anybody else incredibly turned on by this? I must have one!
May 6th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Birth control, my eye! That’s sexy.
May 6th, 2008 at 11:32 am
where can I “not” get one of these things…. cause um you know my “friend” wants one.
May 6th, 2008 at 11:22 am
I would never go for this… Police Academy 3 was the pinnacle of the series. If you could guarantee that my R2-D2 DVD projector/surrogate lover could play PA3, then we’re talking.