Become A Professional Code Monkey In 3 Easy Steps

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There are myriad reasons someone would wish to be a web developer. Some people wake up one morning and decide "I have a passion for coding. I'm going to make this my career." Others wake up one morning and decide "I'd like to earn $100,000 a year without spending another 400 years paying off college loans." And still there are those who wake up one morning and think "I'd like a job where I don't have to wear pants. Bonus points for anything that lets me stay in my cool swivel chair for lengthy amounts of time."

It doesn't matter why you want to learn to code. For all we know, you could want to be a web developer because you like the way the keyboard feels pressed against your supple skin. That's totally cool. Because hey dawg, us too. The only thing your future employer will care about is how good you are at coding. So if you want to get started, these are the training bundles we recommend checking out first.

The Ultimate Learn To Code Bundle

So you are about to become a coder, but now the familiar wave of panic that accompanies any new journey has started to set in. Where do I begin? How long will this take? Are you sure I don't need to wear pants?! Like, are you really sure?

Just relax. Learning to code isn't worth wasting a Xanax. The answer to all of your questions and concerns are, respectively: This course right here. As long as you need. Just make sure your webcam is off, and maybe throw on some underwear just to be safe. The Ultimate Learn to Code 2017 Bundle gets your feet wet by covering the most in-demand coding languages that employers look for. You'll learn to build complex, responsive websites and apps with Ruby on Rails, and build a foundation for JavaScript and mobile development. Get The Ultimate Learn to Code 2017 Bundle for $49, 96 percent off the normal price tag of $1,186.

The Complete Java Programming Bootcamp:

If the term "Java" means more to you than that thing that allows you to be functional when you're trapped in the waking hell of a Monday morning, then this is the bundle for you. Java is one of the most flexible programming languages in use today, meaning it'll come in handy no matter who your employer is. First you'll tackle data structures and algorithms, before moving on to using a model-view-controller. Eventually you'll learn to enslave all of machine-kind to do your nefarious bidding ... we assume. We're not sure. There are 561 lessons in here. We imagine it gets very comprehensive. Get the Complete Java Programming Bootcamp now for $39, lowered from the normal price of $740.

The Python Programming Bootcamp:

Another place to dip in the proverbial toe or two is this Python Programming Bootcamp, which couldn't be more beginner-friendly if it were taught by Clippy the talking paperclip. You'll learn how to create a smart security camera, build filters for Instagram and Snapchat, and present data more effectively, all by using Python. By the end of the boot camp, you'll be a Python whiz, adding not only an impressive note to your resume, but also bragging rights over anyone too afraid to go near snakes. (Eat it, Indiana Jones.) The entire boot camp is yours for just $39, or 96 percent off the normal price tag of $1,293.

My coding career awaits!

Hold on. Before you increase your worth in this constantly evolving internet environment by about a billion percent, make sure to check out even more great learning bundles right here in the Cracked Store. You should also be sure to check out our pop culture mashup T-shirts in the Cracked Dispensary. We'd offer up some pop culture mashup pants, but as a coder, we don't think you'll need them.

Everybody knows Owls Are Stupid but you're not. That's why this advertisement is on Cracked and not nailed to a tree. Be proud of your superior Homeric Thought, and show those dumb birds who's boss.

For more amazing must-have skills, check out 4 Crucial Skills That Will Help You Land That Corner Office.