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My Name Is Michael Swaim And I Love Chris Crocker: The Friday 9AMer (PST)!

Chris Crocker Is The Bomb!

Hey guys! It's me - Michael Swaim! By the time you're reading this I may or may not be on the front page of Digg with my new and hilarious Those Aren't Muskets! sketch, but you know what? I don't really give a shit about that right now.

I know what you're thinking: "But Michael, you and your amazing sketch comedy group Those Aren't Muskets! put your heart and soul into that video! After all that hard work and dedication, how can you sit there and say you don't care about it?" I appreciate your sentiments, reader, but I can't deny it: This Chris Crocker video has me completely captivated. I can stop watching it for brief periods of time, but I can't stop thinking about it to save my life.

As you all know, I'm Michael Swaim. Being Michael Swaim means lots of things, but first and foremost, being Michael Swaim means hanging on Chris Crocker's every word. What can I say? I love Chris Crocker and I love his videos. They're just so... honest, you know? If you love me, Michael Swaim (and you know that you do), you know that I love Chris Crocker. Considering that, you probably aren't surprised that I'm posting this video for today's 9AMer (PST). There's just not a whole lot to be surprised about here: I love Chris Crocker, I love posting videos at 9AM (PST), and I'm Michael Swaim. It all adds up, right?

I also love poop, balls, poopie balls, and rubbing my balls in poop. Me - Michael Swaim. These are the things I love.

But don't forget Chris Crocker! As much as I love getting my balls all poopie, I think I might actually love Chris Crocker even more! Isn't it great that he turned down all that money and fame so he can continue to say "fuck" on YouTube? Chris Crocker keeps it real! He'll turn down a fat paycheck just to tell it like it is (with profanity)! That's why I love Chris Crocker... almost as much as I love getting my balls all poopie!

Let me be clear here: If there's two things in this world that I love as Michael Swaim (which is who I am), it's a) the physical act of getting my balls all covered in poop and b) watching Chris Crocker videos.

Arrrgh! Don't make me pick a favorite!


When not blogging for Cracked, Michael Swaim enjoys watching Chris Crocker videos, getting his balls all poopie, and being the actual, real-life Michael Swaim (which is who he is)

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