My Blogging Promise
A few days ago, my co-blogger Ian Cooper turned the blogging world on its ear by revealing he would no longer blog about Britney Spears. Many were shocked, but I wasn't surprised. Mostly because I know Ian, and I dislike him intensely. We all do. (Well, in truth, just me. Swaim only hated Ian when he thought he was Black.)
But giving up Britney is typical Ian. It's just the kind of uppity stunt hed pull to prove to hes better than we are. The same way he showboats his comedic work ethic by bringing you three separate stories in his Unnecessary News Round Ups. Where I come from, thats too much work. One post. One joke.
But not to be outdone, I too will raise the bar to show I can bring the funny without resorting to easy stories. For example, TMZ is running a really juicy piece today about James Eckhouse. Yes thats right. Turns out that this balding
Well, I wont blog about that. Too easy. Heres other things I vow never to blog about:
Any story involving Ian Ziering
Any story involving Raven Simone. Or if I do, I promise not to title it _______s, So Raven. For example, if she were busted in a crackhouse, I might still blog about it, but I promise not to title the post Smoking Cracks SO Raven.
Any story about a possible Small Wonder reunion show.
Any story about Pamela Anderson where it is somehow impossible to make a joke about her breasts.
Any story involving a Mexican boy who glues himself to a bed, and if I do, I wont use this graphic:
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Gladstone writes for Cracked and others. Go to Wayne Gladstone Lives in Maine to see all his published stuff, links to his other worthless endeavors, and his full name and state of residence.
Hi, I found your blog via Google and your post looks very interesting. Thanks for the information.
ReplyMy friend on Facebook shared this link and I'm not dissapointed that I came here.
ReplyEsperanto infigo. Major domus kudos pro tractus ut ex vestri ass. Per via meus matris est a secretum schola magister , non a meretricis quoque sedatus per Swaim quod vestri penis est non ut magnus.
ReplyVi ?iuj estas treega inteligenta kaj viaj patrinoj estas bonegaj prostituitinoj. Pla?i al kiso mia giganto peniso. Vivu Esperanto!
ReplyOK, David.
ReplyI promise to blog about that if Ziering does it again.
That all sounds great, but if Ian Ziering glues himself to a Mexican boy, I would really, really, appreciate you blogging about it.
ReplyI would retort, but the fact my country takes your women and beats you at soccer twice means much more than any petty insult I can come up with.
ReplyI would nevair insult your mother, Ross. Every woman dat I have slept wit was special and beautiful. *takes a puff* Your American women especially, like tigresses when dey overcome their repressions. *long exhale* Une question pour toi, *sardonic smile* comment as-tu pu sortir d'un trou si étroit? Comme une vièrge...Esque c'est possible que tu sois adopté?
ReplyAnd...scene. I am done playing this character. My french is too rusty.
I'd like to clarify I don't have issues with people of other races/nationalities, but if some asshole is going to insult my mother then you better believe I'm taking the Jerry Lewis worshipping, onion eating, beret wearing, chain smoking, arrogant metrosexual fashionista man-whore to task.
ReplyIt isn't his fault. Racist bastards tend to attract this type of attention. Why do you think Swaim is so popular?
ReplySee, more reasons to hate Ian. You do a blog tangentially related to him and you get a bunch of comments in a different language.
ReplyDude don't lie. The day they catch Raven Simone in a crackhouse I expect, no, DEMAND to see a that shit in HUGE letters on your blog within the hour.
ReplyI can say balls in Gaelic.
ReplyCLARK!
Yeah, I'm bilngual.
Groundskeeper Willie rules!!! Though I have often heard the tall guy on that British car show Top Gear use it too. If I had to bet I would say, as in all things," The Simpsons did it first.
Replyahahahahahahahah. Ah, ah, ah, en français hon, hon, hon, hon *bullfrog distensions*
ReplyI once told that Groundskeeper Willie thing to an actual Frenchman (I translated for him and everything), and he didn't get it. The French are apparently too busy despising anything non-parisian to be aware of their international reputation. Personally, I can't think of a more succinct description of the French.
LMAO
ReplyHmm, étrange obsession de tu pénis et mères. Etes-tu secrètement Larry Flynt?
I think i'll turn this one over to my countryfellow Groundskeeper Willie; "Bonjoooouuurr, ya cheese-eating surrender monkeys!"
@ROSS: Tu oses mettre en cause mon identité francophone? Ta mère attaque mon amour rigide avec passion.
Reply@glendoor: We are French in the same way Americans are English, which is to say not at all. C'est vrai que parfois le son que font mes testicules quand ils frappe le menton de ta mère me fait pensé à un rire...c'est peut-être pour ça que mon sperme sort de son nez quand j'éjacule?
@ Ross I believe John-Dude there is French-Canadian. Which is to say not a real French person.They just think they are.
ReplyJohn-Dude I believe the sound you heard was my mother's laughter, not your penis.
Dammit Jean-Guy you're not French enough to be insulting!
ReplyYou need to lean against a wall with a beret and casually smoke a cigarette whilest telling Glendoor "your mutherrr rides like a BEAST!"
@glendoor42: tis true, she make quite a sound when violently penetration your maman, but dis is only from its bigness.
Reply