The 4 Strangest Things Nobody Tells You About Life in China 5 Slapstick Failures by Modern Military Commanders 5 Things I Learned as an Anonymous TSA Blogger
Cracked Columnists

CNN Waaaay Too Excited About a Teen ‘Sex in the City’ (or Speaking of Teens That Will Land Me In Jail)

So in today's episode, I count off CNN's truly disturbing attempts to cast a teen version of Sex and the City with a bunch of jailbait celebrities.

Speaking of jailbait, today's shoutout goes to two teenage girls who have absolutely nothing in common except for their alleged (and highly dubious) desire to marry me. If you read the comments (like I do while wearing a velvet robe and sitting in a chair of fine mahogany and leather) you might realize I'm talking about our own Nerdlette and Direwookie. But which to marry?

One lives in Canada (somewhere); the other lives in Texas.

One is a future Greenpeace activist; the other shoots guns and likes Sarah Palin's style

One looks like Tina Fey's punk rock niece; the other, the love child of Jamie Lee Curtis and Nicole Kidman.

I can't decide. I have so many questions: Will their boyfriends mind? How about my wife? And just how illegal would it be for me to even exchange an erotic email with them? (Answer: very, very illegal).

Ultimately, I think this should be decided by cage match, but that's my answer for everything.

  • Random

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Gladstone

  • Rss

More by Gladstone:

See More
To turn on reply notifications, click here

59 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!