Unpopular Opinion Podcast: Do Kids Prove We're Doomed? 5 Terrifying Ways Police Can Legally Screw You Over 5 Types of Movie Adaptations That Must Be Stopped
Cracked Columnists

Maxim Strays From Journalistic Excellence?

The Black Crowes are furious with Maxim magazine. No, Maxim didn't spill bong water all over the Crowes' stash. It's far worse: Maxim panned the new Black Crowes album without even listening to it.

The review, published in Maxim's March issue, gives the Crowes' ''Warpaint'' a rating of two-and-a-half stars out of five.''The writer - who has not heard the album since advance CDs were not made available - wrote what appears to be a disparaging assessment anyway, citing, 'it hasn't left Chris Robinson and the gang much room for growth.'''

Sure, its easy to criticize Maxim and their lack of journalistic integrity, but Im willing to bet everything I have theyre right. The new Black Crowes album will suck as sure as you can get a contact high from touching Chris Robinsons beard.

Here are some other fearless predictions requiring no further validating information:

  • American Idol winners will continue to have short-lived careers based entirely on records sales to 14 year old girls.
  • Scott Weilland of STP with OD ASAP
  • Lennon Murphy will be inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame for penning I Am The Walrus.
  • Movies made using the lyrics to random Bealtes songs as 85% of the scripts dialog will suck.
  • One day Clay Aiken and Lance Bass will share an awkward elevator ride consisting of Lance continually checking his watch in pantomime, tugging on an imaginary long white beard and coughing come out already under this breath.
  • Eventually, everyone in creation ---even die-hard Metallica fans--- will come to the realization that the boys may have made some great Metal, but theyre a bunch of whiny, insufferable pricks.
  • It's only a matter of time before I write another post alienating most of my friends.

Check out some more Gladstone over HERE. And his latest YouTube video HERE.

  • Random

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Gladstone

  • Rss

More by Gladstone:

See More
To turn on reply notifications, click here

19 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!