So the news sites I pretend to check when people walk in on me looking at porn at the local library told me something interesting about black people today: Apparently, they possess magical powers. Did you know this - that an entire segment of our population has, all this time, possessed fairy-like abilities, similar to unicorns, leprechauns, and English Schoolchildren? The headline informed of these ‘Magical Negroes’ and, more specifically, their role in damaging the career of one of the latest candidates for Chairman of the Republican National Committee. I read on, enthralled, expecting to take a fantastical journey though the dashing and thrilling tales of a ragtag young group of African-American sorcerers, and their mystical battle with the Political lord of all evil (sort of like Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo meets Harry Potter meets Frost/Nixon,) but instead suffered through about five-hundred words of mealy-mouthed bullshit and effete Politically Correct whining.
This is literally the reason Photoshop was invented.
If you haven’t heard the story by now, here’s the run-down: An LA times reporter called Barack Obama a “magic negro” in an op-ed column, inspiring a man named Paul Shanklin, who’s sort of a poor man’s Weird Al Yankovick (which is odd, because I always thought Weird Al Yankovick was the poor man’s Weird Al Yankovick,) to pen a parody song titled Barack The Magic Negro. Rush Limbaugh, being as always a jiggling bag of fat and dicks, then played it on the air and guffawed sanctimoniously while chained up Twi’lek slave-girls danced around his Carbonite-frozen Han Solo.
Any excuse for the Gold Bikini…
Then came the aforementioned RNC candidate, Chip Saltsman, who needed a way to butter up members of the committee for his pending chairmanship. However, rather than opting for the tempting flash of say, a Gold Rolex, or even the subtle refinement of the Bronze Casio Calculator Watch, instead decided to distribute CDS of “humorous” political parodies from a right wing perspective containing Barack the Magic Negro. As expected, there was a massive publicity fallout, with liberal bastions decrying the song-writer, the paper, Limbaugh, and of course Saltsman himself as racists and bigots, all. Also, as expected, the Republican Party responded with a collective “meh,” and followed it up with a dismissive shrug and a waggle of the eyebrows as if to say “what’s the big deal? After all, a little racism between friends never hurt anybody…white!”
Am I right, liberals?!
Actually, no. See, this time, bleeding hearts – this time it’s you being outrageously, fantastically, magically retarded. The term “Magic Negro” is not a disrespectful epithet hurled by D&D-playing hate-mongers, it’s not racist jargon for dark-skinned illusionists, and it’s not some complimentary new slang that’s only acceptable when used by members of the group which it refers to.
“Heeeey, what’s up, my magical negro?”
No, the term “Magic Negro” is a critical theory term, referring to a popular post-modernist concept in literary fiction and films. It refers to a stock character utilized by hack writers when deus ex machina keeps getting caught up by their spell checker. The Magic Negro is typically a secondary character - usually a prisoner or servant - who through nigh-on “magical” insight, wisdom, and patience guides the white protagonist through all of his trials and tribulations, ultimately assisting him in becoming a better human being, but without ever bettering himself. Now, while I’m sure quite a few of the guys involved in this scandal are using it more like a deragotory slur than a thesis statement, that’s not what it’s originally supposed to mean. The term was most recently popularized by Spike Lee in a lecture at Washington State University, but it’s really been around for thousands of years. The Chinese called the concept Kun-Lun, which referred to quite literally magical black slaves that featured in hundreds of fairy tales and local legends; leaping into rivers, dodging spears, and dying epic, noble deaths just for the honor of serving their masters in some small way.
Probably nothing like this.
See, it’s not insulting somebody to call them a “Magic Negro,” unless they’re actually magical and of African-American descent, in which case just call them by their first name - don’t be a dick. It isn’t insulting a black man to infer that he’s incredibly wise or insightful (that’s one of those racial stereotypes whose flattery offsets the inherent ignorance - like how Latinos are dangerously sexy, Asians are good at math and karate, and all New Zealanders have super-strength and can fly, but only when nobody’s looking.) It’s actually just pointing out the subtle racism inherent in relegating a black man to a servant’s role – even if he’s so fucking smart that it’s like a magic power.
Shanklin wasn’t digging on Obama for being so sagacious that it seems like he’s got Cliff’s Notes for life, he was digging on liberals for thinking of Obama like the world’s most powerful manservant - here to use his super-secret Economy Vision to blast away the national debt, and punch Big Oil in the gut so hard that it vomits up maintenance-free windmills. The guy is a step in the right direction, sure, but the largely white liberal-base is expecting so much of him that there very well could be blood in the streets if the end of his first term doesn’t see every American employed at the golden blowjob factory with full health coverage, free mansions, and a working Hoverboard in every garage. They’re viewing him very much like a Magic Negro character, here to mysteriously guide us white folks along without ever advancing himself, or suffering any kind of human fault along the way.
Now, a lot of people can be forgiven for not realizing the real meaning of the term. Literary rhetoric isn’t exactly pop-culture fodder, being shouted into the faces of blasé supermodels by hip-hop moguls on MTV.
Fuck yeah, I know what deconstructionism is. Don’t assume shit, bitch.
But you know who should be intimately familiar with Liberal Arts terminology?
Fucking Liberals! This is your stereotype, guys!
The chief tactic you have in appearing intelligent is the ability to spout inscrutable bullshit about pop culture, and make it sound like it’s a real thing. If you can’t rattle off a few thousand words of dense literary terminology about the emotional schism between duty and self in Quentin Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogs, then how the hell will everybody know how much smarter you are than them? My god, you’d have to start doing math or something! And let’s face it, if you were good with numbers you probably wouldn’t be a liberal in the first place. Now, I know that it is, in fact, a stereotype – voting liberally does not necessarily equate to a Liberal Arts major – but like it or not, stereotypes are there for a reason, and somebody should be setting the record straight on this one. Not all Republicans are shit-kickin’ cowboys, but if rush Limbaugh couldn’t tell the difference between Toby Keith and Tim McGraw, you can bet somebody would be calling him out on it. Just like not all Asians are arithmetic-prone martial artists, but if Jackie Chan suddenly couldn’t tell the difference between addition and a jump-kick, you know the Asian jokes would start flying.
“Hey, Jackie. What’s three-hundred and seventeen plus two-hundred and si- WHOA, HEY! WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?!”
So when bleeding heart-liberals can’t tell the difference between racial epithets and literary terminology, they deserve all the scorn they can get. But that’s not to say my heart doesn’t go out to them. I want to help you, my puppy-kissing, money-wasting, Sedaris-reading friends. So, in order to prevent future cultural faux pas’ like this one, let’s do a quick rundown, shall we? Here is a list of famous black characters. Can you tell which are actually magical, and which are Magic Negroes?
It’s trickier than you might think!
Answer: Magic Negro
Answer: Actually Magic
Answer: Magic Negro
Answer: Actually Magic
Answer: Magic Negro
Answer: Both
Answer: Just Crazy
Answer: Not Black
Answer: Actually Magic
This entry was posted on Thursday, January 8th, 2009 at 8:00 am and is filed under Politics, Racism, Shaq, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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September 13th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Dude! I had no idea!
I’m guessing Morgan Freeman is largely responsible for this phenomenon…
And Madonna, too.
Wow, I was really sure that was racist… o_O
May 26th, 2009 at 7:13 pm
Ha!
You would think that they world have OK’d it at the beginning instead of allowing it to go so long without saying a thing and then bringing it back up when it was too late. I don’t understand it at all. Testosterone Enhancement
May 13th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
@ blackflag
Why would the republicans produce and distribute a song for the sole reason that it contains negro and obama in the same sentence? That makes no fucking sense. say what you will about the republicans, but they have some pretty keen political strategists. and publicizing a song for the sole reason that it uses vaguely racist terminology in reference to obama would be a suicidal move, unless they actually meant something else by it. which they did.
use your brain, dipshit. i’m in no way a republican, but nor am i dumb or elitist enough to simplify a complicated foe.
May 2nd, 2009 at 3:13 pm
This was a very interesting and amusing post. I have to disagree with you, though, about the Republicans use of the term not being offensive. You seem to assume that A) they are familiar with the literary use of the term and B) that was the meaning that was intended. Just because the term traditionally has a non-offensive usage does not mean that their use of it wasn’t meant to be demeaning.
April 26th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
The best thing to come out of the Obama presidency so far is all the right wing crazies who try to turn his name into a pun. “Obambi”, really? I don’t know what’s worse; that or “Oblahblah.”
That being said, he’s an asshole like every other politician, and this was a great article.
March 27th, 2009 at 6:36 am
I had to literally bite the inside of my cheeks to keep from screaming out with laughter here at work. I’m black and I really enjoyed this article. I also like to think of myself as magical.
March 16th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
Oh gimme a break.
“Paul Shanklin didn’t write this song to critique a post-modern theory of african-american portrayals in popular American film.
Rush Limbaugh didn’t play it because he thought it raised some good points about liberals’ over-expectations of Obama.
Chip Saltsman didn’t distribute the song because he thought it showcased a new idea for Republican strategy.
They wrote, played and distributed the song because it gave them the opportunity to use the words ‘Barack’ and ‘negro’ in the same sentence.”
^This x100.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:14 pm
Don’t be afraid to write more political articles man, this shit was pure gold (like all of your stuff really).
February 11th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Pretty entertaining, but not as dead on as I might have hoped. Saying that its not insulting to call Barack Obama a Magic Negro, is kind of like saying Margaret Thatcher was a good Prime Minister…… for a woman. But wait, she was a really smart and capable woman who was actually better than a lot of the men. It’s still incredibly insulting.
And although there certainly is room to intelligently discuss the parallels of Obama being a real-life Magical Negro without having to be labeled a racist, I have to go with Dirtmo on this. Limbaugh is not exactly the academic type.
Granted, irrational hippie liberals who don’t know what they’re talking about should be made fun of mercilessly. However, relegating the most powerful man on the planet to a servile position because of his race is probably a reasonable thing to get worked up about.
February 10th, 2009 at 12:37 am
Fucking brilliant!
January 31st, 2009 at 10:30 pm
Sorry, kids, but you can’t heap this one on Rush.
Al Sharpton was the first to call Obambi the Magic Negro, and it was reported in the LA Times by a black reporter. If you want to try to make an argument that blacks are no longer allowed to use racial epithets amongst themselves, then I’d like to direct your attention to the Rap section of any music store.
Right-wing songwriter Paul Shanklin did make the song (sung to the tune of Puff the Magic Dragon) with the singer doing a damn good impression of Al Sharpton. Limbaugh played it, as he does to pretty much all of Shenklin’s songs, and laughed out loud at it, as he usually does (in case you haven’t heard any of Shenklin’s stuff, it’s pretty damn funny. Cracked could do worse than to link his site.)
The only real racism here is the usual left-wing battle cry when they have no actual pertinent argument. Two black men called another black man (half black, actually) a magic negro. A white guy made a funny song about, and another white guy played it on the radio and laughed. So naturally, it’s the white guys who are at fault.
I’d call it Change You Can Believe In, but it’s just more of the same liberal whining.
January 25th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
This article is absolutely hilarious.
I just recently read ‘How Not To Write A Cracked Article’ and wanted to see what all the fuss was about, and I still don’t get it…
Brockway I think you are my favourite.
(According to the spell checker my spelling on favourite is incorrect, boooo!)
January 20th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
[...] Magic Negro-gate: How Liberals Confused Obama With Kazaam [...]
January 18th, 2009 at 8:50 am
Wow, I think this one really touched a nerve with some people! I’m amazed that anyone thinks this is an attack on Republicans. I thought it was funny and interesting and absolutely love Brockway’s style. Dumbasses aren’t relegated to just one political affiliation. So can I still be a Republican?
Please?
damn
January 14th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
I just read your answer to that correction.
Well, if you WANT the baby Jesus to cry, I suppose I can’t stop you.
January 14th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
There’s only 1 (one) “k” in “Yankovic.” See it? One. I’m sure at least one other commenter has pointed this out, but the point needs to be driven home.
A public apology is expected by tomorrow.
January 14th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
I’ve actually known about the magical negro for a long time (like morpheus or the oracle in the matrix), and the thing is Barack IS a real life magical negro.
Oh, and Kazaam is a magical negro too.
Also, the only reason why this article was written was because of that last article about Obama lambasting conservatives got so much shit from the rednecks who sleep cradling their guns.
The reason why it’s called “liberal arts” is because it’s the opposite of the “servile arts”. The liberal arts are the things that you don’t need to work on a farm like a serf (hence “servile), so it was reserved for the rich and aristocracy because it was “liberating”.
January 14th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Come along if you are not black! It’s sure to be the adventure of a cracker time!
…Cracker!…
January 14th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Wtf are you doing on cracked if you’re a fucking conservative? Conservatives don’t have a sense of humor. Ever watched “The 1/2 hour News Hour”? Without vomiting of shame?
Also, see dirtmo.
January 14th, 2009 at 9:12 am
This article raises some good points and has kick-ass pictures but I think Brockway is being either manipulative for effect or studiously naive in his defense of these right-wingers:
Paul Shanklin didn’t write this song to critique a post-modern theory of african-american portrayals in popular American film.
Rush Limbaugh didn’t play it because he thought it raised some good points about liberals’ over-expectations of Obama.
Chip Saltsman didn’t distribute the song because he thought it showcased a new idea for Republican strategy.
They wrote, played and distributed the song because it gave them the opportunity to use the words ‘Barack’ and ‘negro’ in the same sentence.
Shanklin and Limbaugh will get away with it - but Saltsman just shouldn’t. And it isn’t being a whiny, pissy liberal to say so. Not for a bunch of quasi-victimites who launch on any opportunity to claim they’re being attacked (see, ‘Lipstick on a Pig’).
January 12th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Thank you, Izzy, for providing a perfect example of the misunderstanding of the song that the article lampoons.
January 12th, 2009 at 8:12 am
[...] 12, 2009 · No Comments Cracked has a hilarious article about Magic Negros. Oh, man, I nearly peed my [...]
January 12th, 2009 at 3:25 am
At the risk of offending Americans - the joke that dare no speak it’s name
Makes me think of blazing saddles: “The president’s a n…n…n…n…n”
January 12th, 2009 at 12:41 am
Robert,
I find it difficult to believe that you can fail to observe the difference between critical use of the term “magic negro” and the use of it in a pejorative song. I was fully aware of the definition of “magic negro” before the news story concerning the song appeared, but I was still offended by it. The key to these situations is context: just as it may be appropriate to use other outdated and/or politically incorrect words in a literary paper, it does not mean that those words are then exempt from their connotations in the public sphere.
Additionally, you have to remember that the term “magic negro” criticizes the one-dimensional nature of these characters and implies a prejudice on behalf of their creators, who feel that they can assume the responsibility of ‘remedying’ slavery; while in actual fact they create barriers between the white hero and his African-American counterparts. Thus, a song referring to Barack Obama as a “magic negro” would actually be a harsh criticism of his campaign and abilities as a politician, implying that he was only elected due to ‘white guilt’ and not as a result of his own efforts and public campaign.
Regards,
Izzy
January 11th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
I already knew what this was due to frequent perusal of Wikipedia. Just felt like bragging for a moment.
January 11th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
Hey Your Mom, I had sex with your mom, which is you bitch!
January 11th, 2009 at 10:42 pm
I already knew what a “magic negro” is thanks to this very website. Once again Cracked proves more useful than a Liberal Arts education.
PS Am I the only one that thought Man On Fire was going to end with Denzel sticking a bomb up his own arse? Wasted opportunity, people.
January 11th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
I’m too tired from shoveling snow to get worked up over the article and all the comments I’ve yet to read/be annoyed by.
Considering all the Republicans who created a furor (or at least tried to) by willfully misinterpreting Obama’s “lipstick on a pig” analogy during the campaign, I think we should call it even and move on to more important things.
Like donuts.
January 11th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
@hvymtalmachine: Hey! Guess what? My screen name isn’t supposed to be “Kevin” dumb shit! If I wanted it to be Kevin, it would’ve been Kevin, because I can spell, unlike many people on the Internet. Paraphrasing my previous statement; if you’re going to correct someone, know what the fuck you’re talking about, or just don’t bother.
The word “KVINNAN” is Swedish for THE WOMAN.
Besides, if my screen name weren’t actually a word at all, that would be fine too. Screen names don’t have to be recognizable as words or names, or be spelled correctly anyway. So blow it out your ass.
January 11th, 2009 at 1:39 am
@ Alvaro-
What the frick are “extremist nubjobs”?
I am rather anxious for an answer as you seem to be the epitome of wisdom and knowledge. You obviously have infinitely more understanding of the world than dumb Canadians, like Brockway and I. (great article, btw, Broccoli!)
Teach me, O Great One!
January 11th, 2009 at 12:45 am
“Shanklin wasn’t digging on Obama for being so sagacious that it seems like he’s got Cliff’s Notes for life, he was digging on liberals for thinking of Obama like the world’s most powerful manservant - here to use his super-secret Economy Vision to blast away the national debt, and punch Big Oil in the gut so hard that it vomits up maintenance-free windmills. The guy is a step in the right direction, sure, but the largely white liberal-base is expecting so much of him that there very well could be blood in the streets if the end of his first term doesn’t see every American employed at the golden blowjob factory with full health coverage, free mansions, and a working Hoverboard in every garage. They’re viewing him very much like a Magic Negro character, here to mysteriously guide us white folks along without ever advancing himself, or suffering any kind of human fault along the way.”
great point there sir. i also think a lot of people are expecting too much of obama. the president can only do so much, and a lot of what he does do doesn’t take immediate effect. so let’s lower our expectations and be realistic.
January 10th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
@kvinnan: You spelled “Kevin” wrong.
Only douches care.
January 10th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
Good work Brockway, for both the article and causing people to get really annoyed, when really they should see the irony. There’s nothing like a good ranting session. Keep up the good work. (I now sound like a teacher…) tick, A+
January 10th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
I really enjoyed this article, thank you.
January 10th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
Actually, to anyone who gives a damn (Weird Al fans and people with OCD), Weird Al’s last name is spelled YANKOVIC. No H at the end. No K. At least, that’s what’s on all his album covers.
I’m not one to nitpick, but if you’re going to go out of your way to correct someone, maybe you should make sure your suggestion is accurate. Nothing a two-minute browsing at the iTunes store (or hell, even Amazon) couldn’t have handled.
Now Brockway’s going to have to re-edit his article AGAIN (if he even gives a damn anymore) due to your carelessness. For shame.
January 10th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
On a more interesting note than either this article, or what it’s talking about, I recommend this video on YouTube. It’s a parody of some shitty club song that’s been on the radio lately, and it’s hilarious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqOUxU4MLEY
Now THAT’S magic.
PS: Rush Limbaugh is always a f***ing douchebag of epic proportions. ALWAYS.
January 10th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
wow people are pissed about this. I’m a die-hard liberal, but i still like the article. i make fun of conservatives, so i can take a joke about liberals too. In this case, i think they WERE being too politically correct.
so, in the kindest way i can say it, get over it. most liberals have a sense of humor, where’s yours?
January 10th, 2009 at 9:36 am
Don’t worry about it, Brockway. Sure, they’re comparing you to both the extreme liberal left and the extreme conservative right, but at least they aren’t posting numerals or comparing the topic at hand to nazism and homosexual intercourse.
195th!
January 10th, 2009 at 7:54 am
Morgan Freeman in ‘Shawshank’ definitely does not qualify. If anything, Robbins was a magical honky, giving hope to depressed, hopeless Freeman.
Might wanna know your facts before you start slinging “negro” around.
January 10th, 2009 at 6:19 am
I don’t think Ellis Boyd Redding fits your definition of “Magic Negro.” If anything he’s a negro with a magic Caucasian.
January 10th, 2009 at 5:56 am
Isn’t it possible they were offended and DID understand the term?
January 10th, 2009 at 5:29 am
y’know, this reminds me of the whole hubub about the guy on the Mayor of DC’s staff who was forced to resign because he correctly used the word niggardly in a meeting.
The thing there, and here, is that there are people who will read offense into any and everything they can.
January 10th, 2009 at 2:44 am
Magic negro is not necessarily a black thing,while negro has no other definition, most people dont realize that the archetype is used for non-black characters too, usually with the “master” thinking of the MN as dim witted and ignorant, even though the master may be hopelessly dim witted himself.
example: Porky pig is a Magical Negro. if you ever watch the old cartoons with daffy and porky (duck dodgers i think) daffy just friggin sucked at everything he did, and porky would tag along offering the sage advice, which daffy would seem to ignore, then claim for his own,porky would save his ass, get the bad guy, etc, etc.
January 10th, 2009 at 12:25 am
First of all, I’m gonna lead in with the fact that I’m a right winger from the south.
Now that thats done, the article was hilarious. You wrote it well and honestly, I didn’t see a slant either way, or at least nothing too bad. If Brockman is a liberal then good on him for being able to look past the party thing and looking at something that is, honestly funny. If he’s a conservative then obviously he’s racist so he needs to be burned at the stake for using the word negro so many times.
Thanks again for the article Brockman, I will make sure to read the rest of your stuff.
January 10th, 2009 at 12:07 am
As an Africanamericanblackcolorednegro myself,I don’t recall getting the memo that Negro was offensive. I must have been late for that part of the meeting…hey wait a minute!
January 9th, 2009 at 9:02 pm
Hey, Brockway, why don’t you spare us from the liberal bullshit next time and write something about anal sex or something?
Or, maybe you could dwell in the mystery of why even though black people have always been discriminated upon they are famous amongst white people because blacks have the largest cocks the world has ever seen (or so white people say).
January 9th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Yo Vincentius, internet hi-five your way!
January 9th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
The only problem is, ‘only when nobody’s looking’ includes other kiwis. Making things more difficult than you’d expect.
January 9th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Sidestepping the long winded arguments pro and against the, “Magic Negro” monikor, I find it ironic that in an election where the Republican base has been reduced to the South, and party leaders themselves said that they need to work at expanding their appeal, one of those running for the Chairmanship would be thickheaded enough to put out a CD with a song that would inevitable reaction from Liberals and those that presume to speak for the Black/Negro/Afro/whatever-the-flying-nonlubed-fuck-we’re-calling-ourselves-nowadays.
Furthermore, I shall conclude with this crushing bit of logic: Tits are good. Argue with that damn you!
January 9th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
oh man, I got a big crush on you, Brockway.
January 9th, 2009 at 6:36 pm
Can I has magic negro???
January 9th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
# sophus Says:
January 9th, 2009 at 1:25 am
Cracked.com - apparently SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS
Holy balls people, you need to motherfucking relax. I thought this was funny and I didn’t think too much on it, because it’s an article on Cracked. If you take this seriously enough to write huge sandy-vagina responses to it, you need to GTFO.
-=-=-=-=-
OM fucking G, “sandy-vagina responses” man that is one of the funniest phrases i have read in a while.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
nah morgan freeman was definitely a magic negro
and so was his character in shawshank
January 9th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Love the list at the end, but it could have also just been every role Morgan Freeman’s had in the past 20 years.
Morgan Freeman = Magic Negro.
Great article!
January 9th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
loved the obligatory Batman reference, as well as the Return of the Jedi nod
but shouldn’t Morgan Freeman in Shawshank Redemption qualified as both?
January 9th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
You have to take everything politicians say with a grain of salt. It doesn’t matter whether or not there was any racist intent, only whether some people might believe there was.
Also, WSU got mentioned on Cracked! Woot!
January 9th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
oh man. That whole article felt like hype for the pictures… which were GREAT!!!!
January 9th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Sorry if this is a repost, but I can’t see my first response up there.
To summarize… Brockway: That was great. Well-written, funny, informative and just smarmy enough. Bravo. You are becoming appointment reading.
Please take the week off. No choking on cocks until next Wednesday.
Best,
Horace
January 9th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
“…You mean we’re not all getting hoverboards?”
Well, WE are. Just not you.
January 9th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
So in this post I have been accused of being directly akin to Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh, and also so full of liberal bullshit that it brings a solitary tear to Uncle Sam’s eye? That must be some kind of record…
Anyway, to Zenstorm, Luscious Foxy, and especially Alvaro, this is just for you.
And DOB, this is all I could think about while reading your comments.
Also, Jenna_Tullwortz, you win at internet! I have corrected all appearances of Weird Al’s name to read “Weird Al Yankovick.” I know this is not exactly what you wanted, but as much as you deserve your tiny victory, I just cannot overcome the inherent resentment in being corrected; I am a petty, petty man.
January 9th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Hey, wow, someone wrote under my screen name that I’m gay! That is sooo funny! Seriously, how did you come up with that? I mean “I’m gay.” That is classic.
Actually, I’m a woman, so maybe you meant to type “I’m a lesbian,” at the risk of that statement sending your prepubescent dick and tiny little balls atwitter….
January 9th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
…You mean we’re not all getting hoverboards?
January 9th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Also, I’m gay
January 9th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Huh, and here I thought the sentence “See, this time, bleeding hearts – this time it’s you being outrageously, fantastically, magically retarded” might satisfy some of the more right-wing readers’ lust for newsroom-like neutrality. Apparently, though, according to Luscious Foxy, zenstorm and (surprisingly) right-winger, Brockway is still a screaming liberal writing his comedy with irrepressible and irresponsible bias. Interesting…
January 9th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Actually, despite the fighting and hate going on in the comments, (But when ISN’T there fighting and hate in the comments?) I thought this was one of; maybe even the best, of Brockway’s posts.
The last couple of posts you’ve had have been much better overall than your earlier ones.
I guess I want to say “I don’t wish really hard when I check your site that Brockway starts being spelled G-L-A-D-S-T-O-N-E anymore.” but who are we kidding? It’s not your fault though.
Instead I’ll go with “I’m sorry, I was wrong about you.”
January 9th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Loved the article but I’m a Cracked reader and therefore compelled to bitch about some tiny detail that doesn’t quite live up to my ridiculous expectations of free online comedy.
Denzel isn’t a MN (is that liberal arts enough for you) in Man on Fire, he’s the main character. He’s a black action star. If the black dude is a secondary character who is scripted to impart wisdom to the white protagonist shortly before returning to Africa or dying heroically, you’re in MN territory. If somebody else gets to nail the hottest chick in the flick, even though the black dude is smarter, has mystical powers and a much better physic, you’re in MN territory. If the black dude uses his badassness for the greater good AND the camera stays focused on him for the majority of the film, he’s no more a Magic Negro than Bruce Willis is a Magic Blanco in Die Hard.
January 9th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
I completely agree with ZenStorm. I’m sick of Brockway’s liberal bullshit. Liberals killed Comedy Central, please don’t let Cracked go the same route.
January 9th, 2009 at 11:57 am
> Watch next week for my newest article “The 6 Best References To Gestalt Psychology in Thomas Pynchon’s The Crying of Lot 49.”
And now I’m sad that this won’t be a reality. Thank you for dashing my hopes and dreams, Brockway.
January 9th, 2009 at 11:45 am
@Alvaro-
Okay. I think we’ve made some progress, here. A lot of your confusion, it seems to me, stems from the fact that you’re from a different country, and we’re working with stereotypes that are familiar and accessible to us, though possibly awkward for you. Also, you flat-out don’t like Brockway’s writing, right at the get-go. You’ve got a writer you don’t like writing about a subject that’s unfamiliar and inaccessible to you. Of course you won’t have a positive experience. I like Brockway’s writing, (again, despise him personally), so I’m going to keep reading. And the writers and websites that I don’t like, well I’m just going to not read them.
But that’s just me.
January 9th, 2009 at 11:18 am
When oh when is Cracked going to get rid of Brockway?
It’s actually quite the buzz-kill to have this guy jump on every week or so to bring everybody down with his (VERY thinly) veiled political commentary and liberal-angst disguised as legitimate comedic zingery.
Yes, yes, Mr. Brockway, I get it. You hates you some nasty republicans. I think you mentioned that once or twice. But, your articles long ago began to seem like that bitch on Livejournal who finishes every insulting jab at her friends with a “:)” as if to say,… “Nah, I’m just playin.’” When really she’s not.
Cracked, please lose this knob. He’s not funny. Every time he gets himself good and worked up over those people, he honestly sees as real-live cartoon villains on the other side of the political spectrum from himself, he minces his hands together and concocts an article wherein he can blast everyone unfortunate enough to be encompassed in his pitifully two-dimensional worldview, while seeming to just be inspired for a bit of knee-slapping political humor. You can tell which articles are the angst-driven bitching-sessions in disguise; They’re the ones that leave you with the impression that Brockway’s forgotten what comedy is, how it works and who reads it. They’re the articles that have people rolling their eyes and moving over to CollegeHumor or some other site where they can reliably find the funny without accidentally stepping on the political-bitch-session landmines left by someone with a very brittle tolerance for people who disagree with them.
Just a suggestion.
January 9th, 2009 at 10:39 am
You missed just a few minor details in that rundown chief.
What’s left out of the article here is the absolutely minor and insignificant detail that the parody is about Al Sharpton whining about Barack Obama not being “black enough” to be the First black President.
In short the song *is* racist; it’s mocking BLACK ON BLACK racism. But I guess it’s more fun to only GUESS what the song said by the title and not read the lyrics when forming an opinion. After all, why do that! Those couldn’t be relevant in anyway whatsoever!
http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1584736,00.html
Go read that article. The subject matter sounds like the discussions of “Who’s an Aryan?” entertained by the likes of the Nazi party. They nit-pick Obama’s ethnic background like the SS on a racial Easter-egg hunt. But some how, Al, Time, and all the other Black racial purity monitors who inspired the song somehow got a pass.
This is what the song is lampooning, and quite frankly it DESERVES to be lampooned. It’s patently ridiculous, not to mention far more offensive then the song itself.
Now why is this a such a shit-storm? A white guy did it; even better it was a REPUBLICAN White guy. Which is kind of like the man who wades through a kiddie-pool full of razor blades then falls into a shark tank.
Frankly that’s the only reason. If say, Wil Smith (under the influence of LSD) did it; we wouldn’t be here right now, because he’s African-American.
But there’s nothing racist about that. Limiting free speech by defining what is objectionable to talk about solely on the basis of race is A-OK. (nothing against THAT in the constitution!) Sure, you need to read 12 text books using a twisted logic that would confound Charles Manson and a Liberal College professor to help you understand it; but it’s politically correct to have a racial-double standard in all speech, including comedy.
Sorry, but we’ve been here before, repeatedly, and it’s a dumb argument every time it comes up. Either it’s all okay,regardless of who’s cracking the joke or NOTHING is okay; which effectively condemns us to massive censorship, or just a load of racist hypocrisy.
But if it’s not okay, as the author satirically implies, I’d like a written apology from the Wayans Brothers for the entire run of “In Living Color.” :p
January 9th, 2009 at 9:37 am
“Alright, it might not be racist… except that I doubt that Rush Limbaugh played it because of his feelings of *sympathy* for the black community.”
Yeah, it couldn’t possibly have been played because it’s a funny song that makes fun of Sharpton being left behind in the Presidential race yet again — and this time by a black guy.
January 9th, 2009 at 8:49 am
“Alright, it might not be racist… except that I doubt that Rush Limbaugh played it because of his feelings of *sympathy* for the black community.”
Oh, right, because he only played it because he’s a racist?
No, it’s not sympathetic to blacks. It’s simply pointing out what he sees as liberal hypocrisy.
Good Lord. I’m defending Rush Limbaugh. What a crazy world.
January 9th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Also, even if “Magic Negro” IS just a critical term (and that’s like claiming that coughing the word “MotherF**ker” at a guy is just indicative of an unfortunate cough) it’s STILL offensive, because it’s suggesting that Obama’s just a one-dimensional supporting character, rather than a competent and intelligent politician, who worked very hard to achieve his aim.
Alright, it might not be racist… except that I doubt that Rush Limbaugh played it because of his feelings of *sympathy* for the black community.
January 9th, 2009 at 8:09 am
Liberals and liberal arts, that’s not so much a stereotype as incorrect.
Reagan: Economics and Sociology
Cheney: Bachelor of Arts and a Master of Arts.
Rumsfeld: Politics
O Reilly: Majored in history.
Limbaugh: Flunked college. Would have been a media studies student if he could study.
You’re right, all totally liberal guys…
January 9th, 2009 at 8:03 am
Weird Al’s last name isn’t spelled with an “H” at the end. Ever. Therefore, I’m not even going to read the rest of the article.
Cause it’s the Internet, and I can do that!
January 9th, 2009 at 7:54 am
Maybe if people could put down the PC sticks and get their heads out of the corporate thought control ass for a second, they could actually figure out the reasons why them rich male white folk feel the need to hop on the interwebs trying to outdo Hitler and for some strange reason don’t give two shits about the word negro.
January 9th, 2009 at 7:30 am
Don’t worry John, he still might know kung fu.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:04 am
Hold on a second…you mean Obama DOESN’T actually have magical powers? That’s the only reason I voted for him! I’ve made a terrible mistake!
January 9th, 2009 at 3:48 am
Not in list form. Did not read
January 9th, 2009 at 2:35 am
@thishereguy/DOB: What caught my eye was:
“But you know who should be intimately familiar with Liberal Arts terminology?
Fucking Liberals! This is your stereotype, guys!”
Ok, there’s mitigating context and all that. But it’s still one of those things that grates of me, like when people spell ‘women’ wymyn or say ‘history’ is ‘his story’ or whatever.
As for liberal elite/culture wars/spike lee joint stuff: I don’t care. I’m a moderate conservative, a concept that apparently doesn’t exist in your country. Truth told, you all seem to be skirting the margins in an insane way to me: right or left the majority of you just sound like extremist nubjobs to me.
Maybe, in the states, this is true, about liberal arts and liberals. I think of art types as being ultra-conservative. Upper-class inheritors who brag about not having worked in generations, being great-nephews of barons and living at the museum wine parties, and whose understanding of politics is mainly cursing the socialist rabble. It could be my bias from having got a history degree but almost everything I did on art and philosophy was taught from a conservative perspective by people who were still stuck in Victorian times: painting Europe as a long series of cultural achievements in a peaceful Utopia, the only beacon of civilization in a barbaric world and all that nonsense, and blaming every problem in history on darks and “popular pressure” (ie, the left wing socialist rabble). As for philosophy: again, maybe historian’s bias, I tend to think of Catholics and/or neo-Platonists. Highly religious, logos, that kind of thing.
Anyway, the above quote does make an obvious connection between liberals and liberal arts, making it the stereotype. Again, maybe my own bias, but the original meaning of that word is early medieval (Isadore, I think; Visigothic-era) and meant ’skills of non-slaves’ or ’skills of gentlemen’ (’liberales’); that’s to say, what rich Romans learned in schools. Maybe different in America but conservatives in Europe, where I did my uni, tend to be obsessed with the glory of Rome and classicism and all that. What’s a better way to participate in the great Western tradition than to get a Roman education? Since (pagan, western) Rome was dead at that point, the liberal arts were already highly conservative 1500 years ago: an attempt to conserve what was remembered as a glorious past. Nothing more ultra-conservative in my mind than whitey spending well over a thousand years clinging to some long-dead empire whose citizens didn’t really like it that much anyway. Blind worship of an idealised past, you know? Conservative.
That wasn’t my point though: I just really don’t like Brockway’s humour, political or non-political. I’m a big fan of Cracked, like I said, been reading it for ages now, and I’m pretty tolerant: I like white ninja, I liked ‘this week in douchebaggery’, I laugh pretty much every time I look at this site but he hits me as annoying and unfunny and his “edgy” bullshit is so tactless it makes me want to puke. Man, I’m just gonna steer clear of his name.
PS - And yeah, I guess I was pissed off. Point taken. And before the Pinkerton days? I don’t know, maybe I remembered it wrong. I was pointed here from the Pwot forums back when Pinkerton was still doing his news thing on that site? Maybe? I don’t know: that was a long time ago to remember details about comedy sites I don’t actually write for.
January 9th, 2009 at 2:29 am
Oh, and DOB, your reply to Alvaro totally turned me on.
January 9th, 2009 at 2:02 am
You ever wonder if people (liberals) get offended simply because someone TOLD them they should be offended?
Good article. I now know that I should be offended on behalf of the one being offended, regardless of his stance on the issue or degree of being offended. If he is not offended completely, I will assume offense for the offensive difference.
Yay for the sympathetic white man!
January 9th, 2009 at 1:45 am
I lol’d when i saw magic johnson
January 9th, 2009 at 1:34 am
Firstly, thank you to Jenna for conceding. Saves the trouble of me ranting and raving for paragraphs on end, eventually growing tired, going to bed and never looking upon the article again.
Secondly, even if Jenna had killed me, I still would’ve complained about errors in a comedy article. I’ve criticized much less, and done it far more vehemently.
Thirdly, I know it’s not really a main point of the article at all. But, as Brockway pointed out, it’s a comedy website, and as such I believe that harping for hours about politics–a decidedly unfunny activity unless it’s coming from comedians, and even then is iffy–is far more out of place in these comments than my fanboy ejaculations about the talent of my idol (and yes, he really is, I’m not kidding; up yours).
January 9th, 2009 at 1:33 am
*applause*
Hilarious.
January 9th, 2009 at 1:25 am
Cracked.com - apparently SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS
Holy balls people, you need to motherfucking relax. I thought this was funny and I didn’t think too much on it, because it’s an article on Cracked. If you take this seriously enough to write huge sandy-vagina responses to it, you need to GTFO.
January 9th, 2009 at 12:53 am
Excellent job, and kudos.
Emailing this article to Jabba… I’ll laugh for ten minutes straight if he mentions it.
January 9th, 2009 at 12:48 am
Alvaro-
Before YOU criticize someone for misunderstanding and misusing words in relation to politics, perhaps you should read the entire article and know something about the politics involved. Brockway KNOWS that the word “Liberal” in “Liberal Arts” is not the same as political Liberalism. He states:
“I know that it is, in fact, a stereotype – voting liberally does not necessarily equate to a Liberal Arts major”
Among American Conservatives, there is a stereotype known as the “Liberal Elite”- snobby, over-educated, east-coast rich people who spend their lives reading books (god forbid) and standing around at cocktail parties at art galleries in black turtlenecks, sipping expensive wine, eating cheese, and lamenting the fate of the less fortunate, with whom they do not actually deign to associate. These people live in the proverbial “Ivory Tower” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ivory_tower)
“Liberal Arts” education is part of this stereotype, as it is seen as being impractical, and focusing on abstract intellectual knowledge rather that practical skills. Also, there is a strong politically Liberal bias in American academic institutions, especially in the “Liberal Arts” departments. I say all this as a political liberal, who appreciates Liberal Arts education as the foundation of a well-informed society.
January 9th, 2009 at 12:31 am
@Alvaro-
Read the article again. Brockwayne never says that Liberal Arts is the study of Liberal Politics. All he does is point out the stereotype that there is an assumed relationship between the two, and he implies that their might be some merit to that stereotype. It’s like this: Students who studied liberal arts in college focused on intellectual pursuits- bullshitting about Philosophy; studying modern dance; arguing about the meaning of fairy tales when given a feminist reading, versus a psychoanalytic reading, versus a New Critic’s meaning, (”Rumplestilskin is sexist!” “Rumplestilskin is in love with his mother!” and “Rumplestilskin is about Rumplestilskin and absolutely nothing else!”, respectively). People who studied philosophy or art or lit theory and whathaveyou, those people were Liberal Arts students.
While some would say these are noble pursuits, (I myself was one of the assholes who argued about Rumplestilskin for four years), others could point out that, while Philosophy is neat, it won’t get you a job in the real world and, at the end of the day, isn’t at all practical. A ton of English majors graduate every year, armed with the ability to Deconstruct War and Peace at the drop of a hat, but there’s not a single employer who gives a shit.
So, see this divide of educational pursuits, right? The intellectually stimulating and “freeing” studies (liberal arts) versus the tangible and practical and safer studies, (other stuff).
Now, consider the stereotypes behind liberals and conservatives. If you were to line up one of the political groups with one of the educational pursuits, which would go where?
Of course you’d stereotype liberals with liberal arts students. Of course you would.
That’s what Brockwayne was pointing out. The broad generalization of the “Political Liberal” is the same broad generalization of the “Liberal Arts Student,” stereotypically speaking; they’re both creative, idealistic, impractical and they both probably love Hackey Sack. When I think of someone who spends 4 years and thousands of dollars studying Philosophy and Modern Dance, I think of someone who is also ready to vote as far left as our nation will permit.
Robert didn’t invent this stereotype or these generalizations, he was just pointing it out.
If you missed it, that’s understandable: Brockwayne doesn’t beat his points over anyone’s head. He implies things. He mentions things and lets the reader come to the conclusion on his/her own. He did it this way, because he’s a good writer. I still hate him, on a personal level, and wish nothing but misery on him, but he’s a great writer.
PS You said you’ve been reading this site since before the Pinkerton days….Refresh my memory, when was that?
PPS Dude, when you write a manifesto on why you don’t like something and then punctuate it by saying you’re “not too pissed off,” no one is going to believe you. That’s why I’m not going to sign this letter with “I’m too tired to respond to you;” because clearly, I’m not.
@Brockway
Die in your sleep.
January 8th, 2009 at 11:28 pm
I don’t know the first thing about what’s outside my bedroom door and in the scary scary sunlight and even I know what Magic Negro means! I noticed it all around the freaking place before I even heard the term! +65 exp for me!
January 8th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
This is absolutely brilliant simply because it shows the hyper moronic liberals just how retarded their hopes and dreams for Obama really are. I’m not a Republican but i feel the Dem’s have stuck their elect on a pedestal so fucking high that they’ll end up being laughed at or turning against him if he fails. Unless he’s a genius or a real “majik” negro it going to take time for him to attend to even a small percentage of the problems he has to deal with. And im worried that he’ll be incapable of resolving the issues quickly enough for the impatient public and that they’ll demonize him instead.
January 8th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
I like Brockway, he does punch words well. I think that the liberal elite can also be very lazy thinkers. But Limbaughs, et al are even lazier thinkers, and I suspect The Medicated One’s motives in playing the song had not a jot to do with deconstructionism (I mean these guys never got beyond good and evil, much less into the land of difference c. 1980) but everything to do with the fact that he found a politically correct way to broadcast the word negro and belittle The Man’s serious political ability by turning him from Sinterklass to Swarte Piet.
January 8th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
Alvaro, I’m actually going to ignore pretty much the entire content of your article and focus on the last bit…reminds me of a weird-as-fuck movie I watched junior year of high school for a class…my friends and I still laugh about that line “fuck you, you heartless …”
good times, thanks for reminding me of it.
January 8th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
To All of You ‘Haters’
You know, after the Romans and Jews get together and kill Brockway and, after the third day, he ascends to Heaven… or possibly just goes to the closest Chuck E. Cheese’s… you’ll all be like “Oh yeah! I knew Brockway back then! I thought he was awesome! Yeah!”
To Brockway,
Dude, you might want to steer clear of Romans and/or Jews for a little while.
Also, if you do decide to go to Chuck E. Cheese’s instead of paradise, hook a brother up with a large with extra pepperoni. I’ll pay you for it later.
January 8th, 2009 at 10:24 pm
Shawshank Redemption=best movie ever
January 8th, 2009 at 10:23 pm
All right Alvaro, I’ll bite. Post a link to your, (I’m assuming awesome) articles… I’d like to read what you have to say, sounds like you have it all figured out.
January 8th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
I’ve been reading this website since before the Pinkerton days. I’ve never really commented much, and never complained at all, but after reading enough piece of shit Brockway articles I’ve got to say something.
First of all, if you’re going to write a preachy ass sermon about American politics (as a non-American I can’t tell you how interesting I find all this btw), and make a half-assed attempt to take the “I’m more informed route” could you at least check your facts instead of gleaming them after a quick glance at Wikipedia. For example: The term liberal arts has nothing to do with modern politics.
No one has to be right 100% of the time on the internet, but *you* are the one copping this “I’m so much more well-informed than you” bullshit.
I wouldn’t even have commented at all but you are the worst thing that has ever happened to cracked.com. Edgy humour was boring in the 90s, but you’re just so fucking bad at it you can’t even fake it like every other internet big man. I was embarrassed for you when you were still trying to pass off saying the word “cocks” a lot as a joke that’s still funny this millennium. I fell downright embarrassed for crack readers as a whole when you use a factual error to segue a preachy sermon into a shitty “‘I’m not racist but… CHINKS” joke. There’s another type of “edgy” humour that got old sometime in the 80s; this really is a fucking nostalgia site isn’t it?
I’m annoyed, but not too much. There’s no way someone with obviously as little talent as you will possibly stay employed for that long. Fuck you, you unfunny cunt.
January 8th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
@TreeRol: No, it’s not a positive thing to be cast as a “Magic Negro”. THAT IS THE POINT. It’s the Democrats who are casting him in that light and treating him like a savior figure. The Republicans are laughing at a song that is about how stupid it is to force people into a “Magic Negro” stereotype. While I think they probably could have chosen a way to say it that didn’t seem as racist as a song built around mockery, that doesn’t make them wrong. They were mocking the idea, not Obama himself.
Does spreading around a CD with a song called “Barack the Magic Negro” sound really, really bad at first? Yes. But after you think about it, it’s not. You’ve gotta stop judging things based on the way they first seem to you, and instead try getting all the facts.
January 8th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
For the record: I AM intimately familiar with liberal arts terminology and know exactly what the “magic Negro” archetype is. Calling someone a “magic Negro” is as much an insult as calling them a “mammy” or “pickaninny.” The fact that it’s meant as a dig at liberals’ expectations doesn’t mean it isn’t still a shitty thing to call someone.
January 8th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
“but concepts that are at home in academic conversation are wildly inappropriate when wielded by the likes of Rush Limbaugh. Simply put, the messenger matters.”
That’s sort of unfair. In other words, if it’s on the Rush Limbaugh show, it means its a terrible racist comment? Liberal folks really have to calm themselves about this guy. I don’t agree with most of what the guy says, but when I first heard his show, I wondered why everyone got so upset over this guy like he’s some crazy hateful extremist.
January 8th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
according to America, it’s racist to call black person anything other than they’re name eg.
me” “hey dude”
Leroy” “dude? DUDE? You ain’t a brother! you racist!”
me: “shut up, idiot”
January 8th, 2009 at 9:02 pm
@ElDavo:
You are correct. Brockway’s vocabulary is so far beyond I am comprehension it’s ridiculous.
@RB:
So we agree that it’s a racist literary device. I still don’t get how it’s OK to write Obama as that character and perpetuate that “story” (as the person who wrote the song and the Republicans in question have done), but not OK to point out how racist that is. It is NOT a positive thing to be cast as a magic negro. The whole device is a way to advance the white character with the black character achieving no advancement as a person nor any real definition beyond “the magic negro.” The whole device is a way to minimize the actual human traits of the black man and reduce him to a caricature. And it’s not the white liberal who’s doing this - it’s the writer of the song, and the people who think it’s funny to define Obama in these terms.
I know that I, the white liberal, did not write the song “Barack the Magic Negro.” I don’t think he should be placed into such a caricature. So how am I being racist?
The only way I can make sense of your point is if it seems that Obama’s “base” does, in fact, view him as a magic negro and the song is just pointing that out and poking fun at it. If that’s the case, I’ll have to just agree to disagree with you. But of course, no writer ever managed to stay poor by creating a caricature of the left, so hey, you’re following in excellent footsteps. Limbaugh, Hannity and Coulter blazed quite a trail for you. If you want to make some cash, feel free to join their circus.
January 8th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
Maori’s (new-zealand people) Have FUCKING SUPER STRENGTH! Seriously thats the truth i know many maori’s (Im an aussie) & they could all beat 50 men single handedly. Just thought i would point that out!
January 8th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
BearMan you make an excellent point. Well done.
And holy shit, remind me never to piss off this author with long crazy comments! Yowch!
January 8th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Goddammit, there’s always a catch.
January 8th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
Jenna -
Only if you include the appropriate citations.
January 8th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
You know who’s not racist? Joe Cotten. Look up his music. He used feedback and pinch harmonics to hypnotize every person who ever heard him into voting for Obama because he genuinely approved of his political stance. I think. I mean, for all I know he might have voted for McCain, but I doubt it.
Look him up!
January 8th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
I swear to God I rubbed my balls on the screen after reading this.
That’s how much I loved it.
Also, I really like my laptop.
So that helps.
January 8th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
Actually it’s mostly a dig at Al Sharpton, who is supposed to be the one singing it. It’s basically just him complaining about how Barack won the presidency even though he isn’t a “real” black man (”See real black men like Snoop Dogg/ or me, or Farrakhan/ Have talked the talk and walked the walk/ not come in late and won”).
January 8th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
Well at least now I know I can type “dicks” and “cocks” without fear of plagiarism.
January 8th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Like your MUM, I meant, like your MUM. I’ve been hanging around you people too long, I’ll actually start writing “midterms” next…
January 8th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Yeah, I expected and deserved that. I wasn’t actually asking anyone to read all or any of it, I just suddenly realised I actually knew something about the subject for a change. Still, I probably would have done the same.
Incidentally, please don’t give me the “this is a comedy website” line, as people always seem to at some point in every thread - either delete all comments that aren’t making dick jokes or allow serious discussion - can’t have it both ways. I deserved to be fucked by your throbbing organ of moderation because I was being pretentious and wasting everyone’s time, not because there’s no place here for non-humour.
What am I saying? It’s your website, of course you can have it both ways.
Like your mom.
January 8th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
The first time I came across the term “magic negro” was on the old Chris Rock show on HBO. I think Dave Chapelle, in his tradition of borrowing from that show, did a similar sketch about “miggers” on his Comedy Central show. Of course Chris Rock’s signature piece about niggers not being about race but behavior was pretty much ripped off from Swamp Dogg’s
“Call Me Nigger”, but not being an academic like Gypsum Fantatic, I’m surprised Ive typed this much. And if they are still showing Harvey Birdman on Comedy Central, it looks like cartoon Barack Obama was getting extra work in the mid ought’s.
January 8th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
I’ve gone and already forgotten your nick. Luscious Fox, Luscious Foxy, Lucius von Foxenstein, but I must say that I also do not understand why black people don’t like to be called negroes. Or whatever it is that offends them. Thing is, we have SOOOO many names for people of other races! I call myself a negro and in fact call many people around me negroes even if they aren’t. When I’m feeling saucy I will go as far as to refer to myself as a nigra or even an octoroon. It’s all fun and games to me. They’re just names. I DO get a little up in arms when someone calls me the n-word but I’m kind of working on that.
Gypsum Fantastic, that was some good reading. You got any more papers you’ve written? I bet they’re interestiiiing…
I would like to address the issue of black people and “articulate” because this is kind of weird to me. I know a lot of times people take offense to it but I don’t understand why. It’s kind of like win-win. They might mean it and then what’s the point in taking offense to a genuine compliment? And even if they don’t mean it, pretend like they do! Nothing will make someone madder than when you demonstrate that you’re gracious as well as articulate! No point in being unhappy over a compliment. Sometimes people do say things like that snidely, but sometimes they really mean it. And what’s more unattractive than someone who is so on edge that if you say a nice thing about them they accuse you of being a jerk?
January 8th, 2009 at 7:13 pm
Treerol,
It is a racist literary device - on the part of the author. The one assuming that the black man is there to magically fix everything, ask nothing in return, and suffer from no human fault along the way. In literary terms, the author is the one assuming these things, so the author is being racist. In this case, the largely-white liberal base is assuming these things, therefore they are the ones being racist. It is not racist to point this out to them by mentioning the “Magic Negro” archetype. That was the entire point of the article. So actually, not only did you miss the point of the Magic Negro concept, but you missed the point of this article covering it in a comment whose only point was to point out that I missed the point. That’s criss-crossing levels of fail so epic that they may well kill us all.
Jesus, don’t do that shit, man. That’s worse than crossing the streams.
Gypsum,
I am moderating your self-indulgent crap, because you posted four pages from your mid-term in a comment section on a fucking comedy website. If you really think anybody needs to read your god damn homework, just post a link to it. I have edited your comment to be more accurately reflective of the things that are coming out of your mouth.
January 8th, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Awesome article Brockway. Critical thinking comes from the most unexpected places. I have to hand it to you now though you have set the bar pretty high when the comedy site you write for has more journalistic integrity than Fox, CNN, or MSNBC. Oh and please don’t call Limbaugh fat anymore. Slimy, disgusting, gelatinous I think would all be better choices. Yes, I am a fat ass.
January 8th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
BOW DOWN, fellow intellectual bullshitters, for I am KING OF THE COMMENT THREAD. Not only am I an English lit student, I wrote an essay last year on this EXACT SUBJECT. Behold:
“3. ‘In contemporary Western societies, whiteness is the unmarked norm against which ideas of racialised difference are defined’. Evaluate this claim by critically analysing a relevant cultural text of your choice.”
In Western, particularly American culture, an interesting phenomenon has arisen in fictional treatments of race – the so-called “Magical Negro” or “Magical African-American Friend” (MAAF). Briefly, this term refers to a stock black character who exists solely to provide assistance or enlightenment to the white protagonist(s), often through some supernatural means. Crucially, the character has little or no inner life of his (or, very rarely, her) own, and no past or background. The media criticism website Jump Cut provides the following:
DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS
AND COCKS.
January 8th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
It’s aimed toward Caucasians mostly unless your eating yogurt of a different flavor at the time.
Also I’m an excitable fellow, so it could be any racial type.
January 8th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
Robert Brockway
What say I just concede it to DanMan since:
A) He put far more effort and anger into his. So much so that I think, technically, his may actually qualify as a “rant”.
B) It really had very little to do with the article itself and nearly everything to do with the fact that I’ve silently winced for YEARS each time I see someone write / hear someone say “Yankovich”.
When I see spelling and / or grammatical errors in writing it’s like hearing someone hit that key I have yet to find on a piano that makes that jangly note you hear in movies and on TV that always jars the fuck out of people in the audience. 99% of the time I just wince and let it go but this was like, over the course of many years, hearing many people play the same piece of music and fuck it up the same way and at the same place EVERY FUCKING TIME and I just snapped. Sorry about that.
But really, if you’re geek enough to be writing comedy on the internets, you really should already know it’s “Yankovik”.
Just sayin’.
January 8th, 2009 at 6:36 pm
I just want to say that Barack is totally dreamy and worthy to take any girl’s anal virginity (because vaginas ever being virginal is a fucking myth! A MYTH FOR FUCKS SAKE!).
January 8th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
So does he or does he not have magical powers? And what about his white half? Would that weaken his powers or cancel them out all together? Discuss.
January 8th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
While it is true that “New Zealanders have super-strength and can fly”.
We prefer not to have it mentioned it in public, because we’re also incredibly modest.
January 8th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
@TreeRol: You are an idiot. Don’t insult other people because they see things differently (read: correctly) and you are too ignorant to open yourself to a new idea. He’s entirely right in this article. I bet his vocabulary, far beyond Cracked’s customary “fuck tha fuckin’ fuckers.” was just far beyond you’re comprehension.
January 8th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Regardless of race, Barack Obama just so happens to be an incredibly charismatic, attractive, and inspiring person. I think the magic negro had less to do with his election than these qualities; don’t be bitter, Brockway.
January 8th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
wonderful article. i really enjoyed it.
January 8th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
“Magic negro” is a racist literary device. I thought that was the whole point of the outrage.
Were there people out there - liberals, even - who thought ol’ Chipper was calling Obama truly magical and got offended by that?
It’s funny when the guy who says “no, stupid, you’ve got it all wrong - it’s like THIS!” is the one who’s got it all wrong. So in that, you’ve succeeded in making us all laugh. Kudos, Brockway.
January 8th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Actually, after reading the comments I’ve got more to say. I disagree with the assessment that Liberals voted for Barack because they subconsciously considered him a real-life magic negro. The way he was described was more like Jesus or Superman: heroic and idealized, someone to follow. As far as literary archetypes, he’s definitely a leading man, not a supporting character that helps out the leading man. That people thought he would solve every problem doesn’t imply people considered him a servant.
No, the racial stereotype Barack fell into was the “complimenting black people means I’m not racist” trope. Remember that whole business with Prop 8, where some pro-gay marriage liberals were angry at black voters for not reciprocating the “favor” they had done for them? We thought we were helping blacks by voting Obama, not hiring them to help us. White guilt is the primo reason Barack got elected. It was meant as a statement, not because of any belief he would actually solve all our problems for us. Hell, that’s why I voted for him. I never saw a single one of his speeches during the campaign, or ever investigated his track record as a politician. All I knew was “We could have a black president? That would be such a (completely superficial) step forward for civil rights!” I could feel like I was marching next to Dr. King, and all I had to do was fill in a circle on a ballot. What a bargain!
And why Barack, rather than Sharpton or Jackson? It wasn’t because he was less of a “real black man” (God, what a fucking stupid term). It was because they had a lot more blunders and foot-in-mouth moments. Barack’s (very short) record was clean, so Republicans didn’t have as much to throw at him. Can you imagine the campaign ads we would have had against those “real black men”? “Hey, remember that time Jackson called New York ‘Hymietown?’” “Or that tax evasion scandal with Sharpton?” I’m not saying that being controversial makes them bad people… just unelectable people.
January 8th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
“Watch next week for my newest article “The 6 Best References To Gestalt Psychology in Thomas Pynchon’s The Crying of Lot 49.””
I’ll wait for the movie. It’ll probably star Morgan Freeman as a wise old black guy who helps a young white guy. The only question is who gets to play Pynchon?
January 8th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
DOB,
I think so, man! I thought Jack would sink this, but I told him it was ‘topical’ and I think he started to get aroused. We’re finally free! Free to write nothing but dry academia! Watch next week for my newest article “The 6 Best References To Gestalt Psychology in Thomas Pynchon’s The Crying of Lot 49.”
DanManX and Jenna_Tullwortz,
I believe you two must fight to the death now. Only the winner may bitch about inaccuracies in internet comedy.
oogabooga,
Apollo Creed is actually magic. He shoots fireballs. I have literally thousands of pages in various sketchbooks to prove this.
Fortesque,
Yogurt-face? What? Is that for like, old people, skin-condition sufferers, or bukkake stars?
January 8th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
the ‘Magic Negro’ concept is a ridiculous stereotype that lives in american pop culture and the original author of the article in the LA Times is on point if he thinks many americans are applying that stereotype to Obama.
but concepts that are at home in academic conversation are wildly inappropriate when wielded by the likes of Rush Limbaugh. Simply put, the messenger matters.
January 8th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcRmkhD_91M&feature=channel
I find your views intriguing and would like to subscribe to your newsletter
January 8th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Oh, for the love of Christ it’s “Yankovik”, goddammit!
January 8th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
“The Green Mile is also interesting, because if you remember the very last scene of the movie, it’s hardly an optimistic one for the white guy.”
True, but John Coffey could hardly have known the side effects when he cured the guy’s cancer.
January 8th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Hmm…not a bad article, but the last part has some questionable bits. For Example, going by the actual definition of “Magic Negro”, Kazaam would be considered both. Also, Red from The Shawshank Redemption would not count at all. Red is kind of a Magic Negro Red Herring. He seems like he should be, but think about it for a second: in no way is he subordinate to Andy (if anything he is held at a higher status), the only help his wisdom provides for Andy is to provide him with a poster, and by the end of the movie, his status is improved considerably. In fact, it’s Andy’s special know-how that provides Red the inspiration to improve his situation. So, if anything, The Shawshank Redemption could be considered the rare example of the reverse…the “Magic Whitey”, if you will.
The Green Mile is also interesting, because if you remember the very last scene of the movie, it’s hardly an optimistic one for the white guy.
January 8th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Ahaha, the last one is my favorite. This was hilarious. I love when we liberals get offended by ourselves getting offended.
Speaking of Harry Potter… “Black could be anywhere”
January 8th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
HEY!!! HOW DARE YOU PEOPLE!! MAKING FUN OF OBAMA/JESUS!!! HE”S GONNA END ALL VIOLENCE, GIVE US FUEL POWERED BY GRASS AIR AND OUR MINDS!!!!! HE’S ALSO GONNA MAKE IT SURE THAT MONEY FALLS FROM THE SKY, THAT CANCER WILL BE CURED FOR EVAAAH AND THAT WE LIVE IN SPACE, AND HAVE SUPER POWERS, AND MARRY HOT ROBOT WOMEN, AND USE MAGIC, AND KILL GOD AND LIVE FOR EVER!!!!!!!!!! STUPID REPUBLICANS WITH YOUR RETORIC AND YOUR RACISM AND YOUR BELIEFS!!!!!!!!
(seriously funny article…and why, for the love of me, that IS usually the case?!!! http://www.cracked.com/article_15989_hollywoods-6-favorite-offensive-stereotypes.html ) I always knew hollywood was secretly racist. lolXD)
January 8th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Also, I want to make that Nixon - Electric Boogaloo picture my new desktop background!
January 8th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Excellent read. Any article that kicks the kiwis instantly appeals to Aussies but seriously great article.
And the pictures with captions at the end - just priceless!
Well done.
January 8th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
What?
January 8th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
The plural of faux pas is faux pas, not faux pas’s, although you do youself credit by not including the S after the possessive apostrophe.
…
I am so sorry, I genuinely cannot help myself - I think I may have a problem.
I really liked the article as well, by the way. Lovely stuff.
January 8th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
New Zealand:
Flying, hobbits and mountains
God damn we are freaking great!
January 8th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
As for it being a reference to Obama smoking pot, I don’t think it is, but would that really be so bad? Considering Bush has been being mocked about being some kind of cokehead for eight years, now, why not?
January 8th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
“And if you hold your nose and look up the lyrics, it’s basically just attacking him for “not being a real black man” - here’s a direct quote: “Oh, Barack the Magic Negro, lives in D.C., The L.A. Times, they called him that, ‘Cause he’s black, but not authentically.”.)”
Yeah, but Fafnir, the point of the song is to parody some of the liberals and/or liberal blacks believing that he may not be enough of a “real black man” for black voters. The song is parodying those people’s views, not advocating them. The character saying them in the song — Al Sharpton — is being made fun of, so the song’s creators don’t believe it themselves.
January 8th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Thank you for teaching me something today!
I’ve never heard the term before, and now I know.
Oh, and the screen caps at the end make this an even better article.
January 8th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
Great article.
@Fafnir: The context of the song is Al Sharpton is complaining that white people find Barack Obama an attractive option as opposed to himself. Shanklin, speaking as Al Sharpton, complains that he and other black men have been on the political scene for years, and along comes this upstart and people are awestruck and bedazzled.
The lyrics reference Joe Biden’s comment about Obama where Biden said, “I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy … I mean, that’s a storybook, man.” It’s just one of the many dumbass comments about Obama I find worthy of the kind of mockery this song offers up.
As for whether the song choice is a drug reference or not, whatever you want to think is okay. I disagree, but I don’t think it matters.
January 8th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Alright Brockway, I like your stuff, but you committed a faux pas of your own so egregious, it deserves to be pointed out.
It’s “Weird Al” Yankovic. No “H.” And he is by no means a poor man’s anything. I don’t care how many people dislike him. Are YOU talented enough to have a successful, nearly 30 year career based on your ability to write funny stuff? You’re funny, sure, that’s why you write for Cracked. Have you been doing it 30 years?
January 8th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
as a black man that leans to the republican side i endorse this article wholeheartedly. i laughed my ass off after reading it. didnt find it offensive in the least.
January 8th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Dag-flabbin Oregonians and their literary bamboozlin!
January 8th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
While not particularly amusing, I agree with every word of the point you make, and me agreeing with the media is rare (bloody Daily Show). I therefore applaud you wholeheartedly. It’s almost as if someone’s been reading my endless comments on other articles about how David Wong is the best Cracked writer.
January 8th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Words only have as much value as they are given by those who use them and those who hear or read them. If the term ‘magic negro’ was intended as a (misguided) insult or derogatory term, then as far as Chip Saltsman is concerned, it is one. But seeing as most people don’t give a care one way or another as to what it means, theres really no issue here.
At any rate, I didn’t really get the point of the article, but I laughed at a few places so it did its job.
January 8th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
Does Apollo Creed count as a Magic Negro? Cuz even as a conservative I’d vote for him in a heartbeat. I’d even move to Chicago so I could vote for him seven or eight times!
January 8th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
That’s what I like about Cracked.com–it bashes both sides for their idiocies. Thanks, Brock This Way.
I’m scared to read the comments below. I’m sure there are plenty of smart comments, but then there are the others . . .
January 8th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Look, negro was actually not considered offensive a few years back. I actually hate the fact that blacks are so sensitive about how the fuck whites or chinese or latinos or indians or arabs or jews call them. Well, fuck you blackos or whatever, that’s how we call you, blacks, like the name of the most kick ass color ever. If you don’t like it, fuck you negroes.
January 8th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Uh, no. Saltsman is using the existence of the literary term “magic negro” as rhetorical cover for his obviously racist bullshit. And you fell for it.
January 8th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
I think that the world is becoming too pussified and should adopt my solution: Instead of using racial stereotypes and discriminating against a few groups you should actively be hateful towards everyone. Everybody gets equal treatment and there are no handouts.
Wah, wah, wah, he called me a nigger, he called me a yogurt face, he called me a chink.
Racial stereotypes are there for a reason, and that’s to be used as verbal comebacks when your imagination fails you and you want to piss them (i.e. everyone) off with no effort.
For example:
Person A: You lump of shit covered camel gonads!
Person B: … … … Yogurtface!
January 8th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Great article, the captioned pictures at the end were an awesome touch. Keep ‘em coming Brockway.
January 8th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
I actually did know about this term before I heard about the story. It didn’t really make a difference to my reaction. You know why? Because context is key. When “nigger” is used in Huckleberry Finn, it’s not racist because Huckleberry Finn is a great anti-slavery novel and at the time Mark Twain was writing it the word was in common, non-prejorative use. Likewise, if you use the literary term “magic negro” in a CD sold mostly to people who couldn’t even /spell/ “literary term” in order to criticise a black man, then you’re being a racist dick. Especially if you haven’t even heard of the term yourself, which I sincerely doubt either Limbaugh or Saltsman had.
(Also, in case you didn’t know, the song was to the tune of “Puff the Magic Dragon”, so it’s much more likely the term was used in reference to Obama’s early use of marijuana. And if you hold your nose and look up the lyrics, it’s basically just attacking him for “not being a real black man” - here’s a direct quote: “Oh, Barack the Magic Negro, lives in D.C., The L.A. Times, they called him that, ‘Cause he’s black, but not authentically.”.)
January 8th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Molly said: “Seriously, peoples’ expectations of Obama are insane. I don’t know if his being black has anything to do with it, consciously or subconsciously, but no matter what he does, the guy’s fucked.”
Gee, I wonder why people have the impression that Obama’s gonna be some wonder-man? Could it be that he (or his handlers) have tried to tie him to Martin Luter King, Jr. multiple times? Could it be that there are commercials on TV for gold coins that have him standing in front of portraits of George Washington, the Lincoln Memorial and John F. Kennedy? See, when you tell people over and over and over and over that “Man X” is equivelant to “Great Persons A, B and C” the majority of the audience is gonna start tieing the 2 together, even if only subconsciously.
I want to remind everyone that Obama isn’t President yet. He hasn’t done a damn thing to improve this country yet (actually his stimulus plan will only further the economy’s demise, but that’s another issue). He hasn’t done a damn thing for civil rights in the way MLK did. In short, he’s nothing but a puppet for Kissinger/Israel/Zbig and has not, and most likely, will not, ever do anything worthy of being compared to the likes of MLK, Washington, Lincoln, or JFK.
January 8th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
The photoshop contest of this week “everything with warning labels” had an image that sums perfectly how people feel about Obama. Look it up.
Also, thanks a fucking lot Brockway, now that “Superman” image is burned into my brain permanently.
January 8th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
elected to the highest office in the country and treated like some kind of goddamn messiah by supporters = slave.
LIBERRRAAALLLLSSSS!!!
January 8th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
As a liberal, I have to say, HOLY FUCKING SHIT, this is so right it hurts. And by “right” I mean “correct,” not “right wing.” Completely accurate - and why I’m reluctant to identify as a liberal. I’m not bugfuck insane, y’see.
Seriously, peoples’ expectations of Obama are insane. I don’t know if his being black has anything to do with it, consciously or subconsciously, but no matter what he does, the guy’s fucked.
January 8th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
DoB, I would love to see you blog about literary theory, but I’m a shameless, effete, Seattle-born, Birkenstock wearing, Starbucks drinking pseudo-intellectual.
January 8th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
fantastic article on the perceived of liberals and their stupid weak pussified political ideals. oh shit I’m just like them DAMN IT.
January 8th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Yeah a little confusion of the term “liberal” near the end (a true liberal is like J.S Mill, no one these days is really a liberal. Conservative is a more accurate term though, for conservatism is mainly about keeping things the way they are and well, conserving).
I was not convinced near the beginning but the way you explained your point was very convincing. Hearing some one say “Negro” I tend to also associate it with a more older lifestyle, that older life style also being a little racist though… any way, Thank you for explaining the magic negro.
Ps: speaking of D&D nerds, one of my GM’s would always include a character in all of his games that we nick named Johnson. This Johnson was in other words the magic negro NPC, only instead of insight he provided fire power!
January 8th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Weird Al is a multi-platinum selling artist, I’ll have you know. Retooling other people’s songs has made him a very wealthy man.
January 8th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Oh….Oh my God, are we allowed to blog about Literary Theory now?! Can..Is that cool? Oh man, oh man….I hope you stupid fuckers are ready to roll and bar the “S,” because this shit just got real.
January 8th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Al Powell from Die Hard is my favorite magic negro
January 8th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
A nice article, and some nice comments. I don’t think the term “Magic Negro” is racist. Some racial epithets have always been offensive. In contrast, “Negro” was at one time the proper, respectable term for persons of (recent) African descent. In some contexts, it is still used. (e.g. United Negro College Fund). In most cases, when I hear someone say “Negro”, I think that person is not a racist but is old-fashioned. In films, you have liberal screenwriters who think they aren’t bigoted, but they keep writing movies like “The Legend of Bagger Vance. ” In that context, “Magic Negro” very nicely captures the idea that the screen writers are still stuck in an earlier time.
January 8th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
It was a good article, it fell a little towards the end but was fun to read, thanks for the piece of american culture. Good job.
January 8th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
bRAVO
You get it.
Also… Golden Blowjob factor, are they hiring?
January 8th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
“I’m not accusing Rush of being a jiggling bag of fat and dicks BECAUSE he played the song - I’m just reiterating that he is always a jiggling bag of fat and dicks, regardless of his actions. ”
Ahh, my mistake in the reading comprehension department, then.
January 8th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
you gotta realize its the newspapers job to sell stories. and higly detailed stories that delve into literary terms don’t grab attention as much as blantly declaring racism.
I’m willing to bet a journalist read into the orgins of the the story and still submitted the racism one anyway
January 8th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Best article yet, Brockway. Begone foul lists!
January 8th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
I’m more upset at the perpetuation of the “Magical Stoner” stereotype.
BTW, Morgan Freeman wasn’t very magical in Shawshank, you should have used a shot of him as god.
January 8th, 2009 at 11:52 am
The newspaper article may have been written with the literary meaning implied, but not the song. The song’s lyrics speak almost nothing as to Obama’s “wisdom” or his “deus ex machina” powers. Instead, it focuses on how he “makes white voters feel good” but has little experience. The song itself is just as oblivious to the meaning of “magic negro” as liberals are shown to be in this column. Further evidence of this is the lazy juxtaposition of the “Puff the magic dragon” theme, suggesting the song writer had no realization that “magic” here meant anything other than actual magic. And, if he is just as guilty as liberals, so are, most likely, those the CD was distributed to. And so the controversy still stands, as the only blameless one here is the original writer of the article the song references, who was apparently the only one with a clue as to the literary significance of the term he employed.
January 8th, 2009 at 11:48 am
mmmmmm…… gold bikini……..
[drools like homer simpson]
January 8th, 2009 at 11:47 am
It’s high time someone punched those words. Glad you’re around to do it Brockway, way to live up to the moniker.
January 8th, 2009 at 11:46 am
WOAH WOAH WOAH, Robert!!!! Not. Cool. I’m offended….
……. No hoverboards? That’s just insane, man. Next you’re going to tell me there’s not going to be a Hope-o-sphere made….
January 8th, 2009 at 11:35 am
There’s a missing picture at the end. We should be seeing the visage of ex-NBA “star” Ervin Johnson, with the caption ‘not magic’. Eh, I guess you probably wouldn’t get it unless you’re a basketball fan. It would still be funny, though.
January 8th, 2009 at 11:34 am
@Nattie: My main problem with those holding him in such high regard is that they were mostly just listening to his speeches, rather than looking at what the man has actually done in his career. I thought the Dems had several more qualified, more experienced candidates than Obama for the job, but unfortunately that’s not what wins
elections. It’s all about image and charisma and how much money you can pump into your campaign.
So yes, I do blame the public. Voting may be a right, but I believe it comes with the responsibility to evaluate your choices adequately. Frankly, speeches just aren’t a good way to base your decision. Actions always speak louder than words.
January 8th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Hannah Montana puts the ‘magic’ in ‘negro’.
January 8th, 2009 at 11:31 am
OK, I’m guilty of not reading every response here, but I have actually heard Limbaugh explain the context of this song, and maybe you could still argue otherwise, but it makes sense.
I’m not someone on Limbaugh’s side of things, though I do occasionally listen cuz my job takes me on the road a lot, and I hear his show. The point of this song is Limbaugh pointing out how liberals — who are supposed to be more tolerant than Republicans — began to question if Obama was “black enough” to appeal to black voters. This journalist who called Obama the “magic negro” is in fact a black liberal who was discussing this question. The article’s point, if I recall, is that white voters are only willing to vote for the less threatening, pleasant, white-sounding black man to make themselves feel good, while rejecting the “real” kind of black person. At the time it was also said that Al Sharpton, among others, felt that the “real” blacks who ran for office in the past understood the civil rights movements, etc, and Obama wasn’t really one of them.
So, this song took the name from the article, and had a faux-Sharpton singing about Obama not being “authentic enough”, etc. The song even says “the LA Times called him that”. If anything, the song mocks Sharpton and many liberals and/or black liberals BESIDES Obama. It was mocking the always-considered-tolerant liberal democrats for questioning that a black man that doesn’t act a certain way doesn’t count as one.
Unfortunately, the word “Negro” is really all most people notice and just assume it’s racist because, of course, all Republicans are racists. Despite the fact that the inspiration for this song who used the term is a liberal.
And while I’m not 100% with this “the media is liberally biased” notion, I have noticed that the articles about this have rarely adequately explained the whole situation, even though the man who’s being mostly blamed for it has offered an arguably reasonable explanation on his radio show.
There are many things we can rip into these people about. Why not stick to the important stuff?
January 8th, 2009 at 11:25 am
You said it yourself “This isn’t journalism here” once I know you’re funny I’ll be willing to sit through your serious crap. At least put the funny stuff first next time.
January 8th, 2009 at 11:20 am
beebs, rabies,
Others have explained it pretty well in the comments so far, but the “Magic Negro” concept is never supposed to criticize the black man in question. It’s referring to the negligent racism of other people’s expectations for him. You wouldn’t be accusing Obama of being a Magic Negro if you used the term; you’d be accusing others of relegating him to a subservient fixer role.
Phoenix,
Yes. I would give you a link to some congratulatory prize for figuring it out, but this is the internet and anything I would link to is probably just going to be disturbing porn or a rickroll.
Cavalier,
I’m sorry, I think there was some confusion in my wording up there. I’m not accusing Rush of being a jiggling bag of fat and dicks BECAUSE he played the song - I’m just reiterating that he is always a jiggling bag of fat and dicks, regardless of his actions. Also, why do you keep expecting me to be unbiased? This isn’t journalism here…
Your second comment was spot on and well put, though.
Scott,
You’re right, that was a little pretentious of me. Let’s remove all the high-falutin’ language and word-trickery here and just get to bare bones think-talkin’!
OBAMA AIN’T MAGIC.
Yeah, dude. I should’ve just submitted that to Cracked, along with my invoice for this week’s article and called it a job well done.
January 8th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Oops, I do know the earth is round, M. Furlong
And I’ll stop filling up the series of tubes now.
January 8th, 2009 at 11:15 am
I didn’t dispute that a majority of evolution study takes place in Africa, but I wasn’t aware that it was undisputedly the origin of humanity as opposed to more in the area of Israel, Michael. But there were also different continental er…you know, it wasn’t all separated the same then right? Nevermind, I’ll cede that. And that was kind of what I meant - that not all black people in the world who live in the US got here through African slave trade, and thus identify as African-American - I am honestly not sure how far back you really have to go to make all black people African. I won’t argue it to death since I’m not an anthropologist or a scientist and don’t play one on the internet, though. But I don’t use the term as a rule because as an American (a child of immigrants myself) I take exception to hyphenations of that sort.
It’s also very interesting to me that this is the most polite conversation I’ve yet seen on this topic. And it’s on fucking Cracked. How awesome.
January 8th, 2009 at 11:06 am
BearMan I’m not sure how much you can blame his supporters’ expectations when he has said such things of himself and held himself up in such ridiculously high esteem (writing memoirs at what, 40 - two of them, before you’ve done your thing yet? That’s just weird.) and promised his elevation could heal the planet. People always get caught up in election fever, especially when a party has been in for 8 years, but when has anyone ever said such things about him/her self like that? (I don’t remember any candidate ever doing so; maybe I’m wrong or maybe there are those that predate me.)
January 8th, 2009 at 11:04 am
“It’s a largely immaterial argument, as we’re all the same species. Separated groups merely adapted to their local environment.”
Im sitting in my lab waiting, while making some cells competent, IE I’m bored and slightly argumentative. I would not of said anything except you did disagree with Nattie’s comment in a round-about way.
January 8th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Brockway is more pretentious than funny, and CavalierX get a life.
January 8th, 2009 at 11:01 am
@ Nattie, some people still disagree that the world is round, I believe that the established belief is that homo sapiens evolved in africa.
Some people do trace their family lines back a long way, and the slave trade isn’t so far back to be considered “pre-history”.
Sorta agree with you for the rest though.
January 8th, 2009 at 11:00 am
“I am absolutely certain that generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs to the jobless; this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal.”
LOL - yeah, that was a good one. Biden is much funnier, but Obi-Wan’s come up with some gems here and there too.
January 8th, 2009 at 10:58 am
I voted for Obama, and I still think this article makes an excellent point. Many of his supporters hold their expectations way too high. Good public speaking and political prowess are two different things.
January 8th, 2009 at 10:58 am
[...] the last one went so notoriously well, I’ve written another political article for Cracked. You can Digg it here, if the Digg’s are in your soul. If you don’t feel like reading [...]
January 8th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Great article! Well-written, incisive, both provocative and perceptive.
And funny as fuck.
January 8th, 2009 at 10:56 am
“it is just that the majority of black populations came out of africa more recently than the whiter skinned people”
It’s a largely immaterial argument, as we’re all the same species. Separated groups merely adapted to their local environment.
January 8th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Not everyone agrees with that theory though, rabies. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong, but it’s not beyond dispute. It could be the Middle East as well. But as far as nationalities, no one traces their family lines and nationalities back into prehistory. But there are a lot of reasons why a lot of people do not prefer the term African-American and would prefer black.
Which was all beside my point (which I probably didn’t make well) that I’ve seen the nomenclature preferred by the people in question change more than once, which does get a bit…I can’t think of a word for it. That’s not to say you shouldn’t refer to people as they wish to be referred to (though some of us will argue the point of hyphenated Americans of any stripe). You should. But it is to say that sometimes the goalposts get changed, and it isn’t that long between then and the next change.
Of course Shanklin and Limbaugh knew negro was not an acceptable term to use for black people which is exactly WHY the parody came out when a liberal himself used it so publicly; it was too funny a situation to waste.
January 8th, 2009 at 10:54 am
“Edwards said he would make Christopher Reeves “walk again” after he was picked as V.P.”
On the other hand, it was Obama himself who said “I am absolutely certain that generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs to the jobless; this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal.” So he deliberately played on the “Magic Negro” image, to some degree, to get elected.
January 8th, 2009 at 10:50 am
@ Cavalier X
He is correct anyway, you are as well, it is just that the majority of black populations came out of africa more recently than the whiter skinned people. Well, except for the white africans.
Also the Native australians are black skinned (very dark) and they were not removed from africa, so that fucks up one person’s argument slightly.
January 8th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Funny. The author of the L.A. Times piece was a black man. The reason this was written is because it was either Obama’s campaign manager or his strategist who was John Edwards manager in 2004. Both ran the same campaign. Both had the same image as an immaculate healer of world problems (Edwards said he would make Christopher Reeves “walk again” after he was picked as V.P.) Yet one went on to win a landslide victory and the other lost in the primaries. The author says the reason for the difference in results is because whites want to elect a black man to remove white guilt over past sins such as slavery and Obama, a “magic negro,” can solve all those problems.
January 8th, 2009 at 10:46 am
You know, this site is actually pretty good. This isn’t just the first well thought out, political and logical article I have read from this site.
January 8th, 2009 at 10:44 am
“Actually Nattie, as I understand it, if you go back far enough all black people are African.”
Take out the word “black” and you’ll be correct. The human race apparently evolved in what is now Africa and spread out around the globe.
January 8th, 2009 at 10:43 am
“I’m confused. If the magic negro is a mysteriously smart servant plot device how does that make Obama a magic negro?”
The Liberals’ breathless expectation that Obama will somehow magically solve all the world’s problems for them while being all humble about it is what makes him their “magic negro.” The MN character always shows up to aid the white protagonist without displaying any ego or solving his own problems, then leaves, exactly like Morgan Freeman in Bagger Vance (not to mention nearly every other movie he’s in), or Michael Clarke Duncan in The Green Mile. The character exists solely to help the main character solve his issues, and then disappear. In fact, it’s a terrible disservice to Obama that Liberals see him this way. When it turns out he can’t just wave his hand and fix the entire world, they’re going tofeel violated and upset. It’ll make for an interesting 2012 election season. Hell, there are already people angry with him (for doing or not doing various things) and he hasn’t even taken office yet!
January 8th, 2009 at 10:39 am
“Rush Limbaugh, being as always a jiggling bag of fat and dicks”
What have you got against fat and dicks?
January 8th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Actually Nattie, as I understand it, if you go back far enough all black people are African. They call the spread of Africans to other areas of the world (which usually happened by slavery) the African Diaspora, and pretty much all black populations worldwide were established this way. It’s kinda like calling all white Americans Europeans, so I can see where some would not like it. I think black is a better term than African-American myself, because while all blacks are (arguably) African, not all will identify as American. They could be Jamaican, Haitian, Afro-Cuban, or a black person from Canada or England or something. But then I don’t get to decide these things.
January 8th, 2009 at 10:28 am
I agree, maramaramara (a name I was forced to cut and paste rather than try to retype, by the way). I’m saying that if you take the literary term and apply it to a real person and it has “negro” in it, it’s still kind of offensive, even if its roots suggest it is a “good” stereotype. But according to Rogue, people (including me) have taken the original song out of context. It still seems pretty disrespectful, though I’m not going to hunt down the song so I’ll let it rest.
Interesting point on terms too, DSDM. I read somewhere when he died that James Brown is accredited by some as popularizing the term black (with “I’m Black And I’m Proud”). The constantly changing terminology does get confusing and a little silly. I think it’s worth putting up with in order to be respectful though (I’m not saying you don’t, just saying).
January 8th, 2009 at 10:25 am
The more I hear about those liberals in the US of A, the more I want to treat them with a bit of AK-47. Then again, it’s my salution to all life’s problems.
good article.
January 8th, 2009 at 10:24 am
So let me get this straight. The LA Times reporter is okay for calling Obama a “magic negro” in his column, and Shanklin is okay for writing a funny song in which a jealous Al Sharpton calls Obama a “magic negro,” but Rush Limbaugh is a big fat dick for PLAYING the song? Outstanding. Now, if you’d said that everyone who called Obama a “magic negro” or wrote a song about it or played the song was a dick, that’d be one thing. But once again, Brockway, your bias sticks out like… well, a big fat dick.
January 8th, 2009 at 10:15 am
It’s in my lifetime that the preferred nomenclature actually was negro, but then it became black, and there is plenty of dispute about the newest term “African-American” not to mention not all people of color are African anyway. So, I’m older than dirt, ok. But I read Cracked from the beginning when it was a real paper magazine and it’s still damned funny.
January 8th, 2009 at 10:12 am
But Repubs didn’t call him a negro, Frankie, David Ehrenstein did, and they laughed at THAT. Because they know liberals believe calling a black man a negro is always bad so they don’t do it, so when liberals start doing it, they make themselves look that stupid and they get mocked on for it. Also at this point who really cares if your “image” is as a racist anymore - the term is used so loosely and universally, and everyone is racist no matter what they really think, feel or do, so what does it matter if you’re called one, you know? The Sharptons and Jacksons and hard left have made such a mockery of the term anymore (while being the most racist people going) as well, that it’s just so pointless to argue it. The left brought this one on entirely themselves, and no matter what a white conservative does, s(he)’s a bigot - no point at all.
January 8th, 2009 at 10:07 am
It’s kinda funny, but “negro” at one time preferred over “black” for referring to African Americans. But even if liberals are misinterpreting the “magic negro” thing, even if Shanklin is poking fun at the Democratic party in general and not Obama in particular for supposedly believing he will magically lead us all to the promised land after 8 years of wandering the desert (or at least through the Bushes), you know damn well Rush Limbaugh doesn’t mean it that way. He means it as slap at Obama personally.
Give Republicans a break though. They have to vent their frustration over not being allowed to rape the country and constitution for at least another four years, and weakly connecting him with terrorism and Islam by referring to him as “B. HUSSEIN Obama” gets a little stale after a while.
BTW, I don’t think Creasy in Man on Fire counts as a magical negro. Sure, he dies in the end, but he’s become a better person by then, far from the alcoholic former soldier haunted by his past. All because of his fatherly relationship with the little girl he’s bodyguarding. So if anything, Dakota Fanning is a Mystical Cracker.
January 8th, 2009 at 10:05 am
All I got out of this is that Obama will get us all hoverboards.
January 8th, 2009 at 9:53 am
I’ve heard this song.
It is a parody of Al Sharpton, not Obama. In it the Sharpton character is complaining that although he has worked for civil rights for all his life, he had never been taken seriously as a Presidential candidate while this relative newcomer has. The reason for this, he notes, is that whites see Obama as a “Magic Negro” instead of a “real black man” such as himself.
There is some truth in that.
January 8th, 2009 at 9:52 am
Beebs is right. I mean voting for a guy just because he is black is absolutely racist and should be called out.
Frankie is right too. I mean, why should liberals admit to ignorance on anything? Even though the liberals are way off base on this one, it must still be the Republicans fault.
Good call guys.
January 8th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Personally I don’t think the term negro should be offensive. It’s basically an offshoot of negroid. Which is the actual accepted anthropological term for a subset of humans. The three main ones are Caucasoid, Negroid, and chink.
Don’t worry. My mom’s Korean, so it’s my birthright to hate on the Chinese. Well, half of the time anyway. And I didn’t hate me no Chinese yesterday, so I’m due today. (The other half of my time (the white half) I have to spend worrying about the inevitable onset of male pattern baldness, and shopping for comfortable pants.)
(If you want offensive, Cracked’s spell-checker accepted negroid the way it is, in lower case, but insists that Caucasoid be capitalized. WTF cracked?)
January 8th, 2009 at 9:46 am
Magic Johnson is Magic.
According to Sarah Silverman, Jesus is too.
Actually.
January 8th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Wait, someone, on the internet, calling out the left, for a completely logical reason, not just because they are liberal, and explained coherently?
Check your fridges, Zuul has come.
Its official, Cracked.com hires a better journalist than anyone at Fox, CNN or MSNBC. Congratulations.
January 8th, 2009 at 9:44 am
This was great. This was really, really great. Nice job, Brockway!
January 8th, 2009 at 9:39 am
I’m confused. If the magic negro is a mysteriously smart servant plot device how does that make Obama a magic negro? Is the the mysteriously smart public servant? Is he mysteriously smart at all? And how can a real person be a plot device?
I think you misunderstood; it wasn’t Liberals who were getting upset over the term, it was Literals.
January 8th, 2009 at 9:39 am
Rabies… the article was not about the term “magical negro” being good or bad but rather the fact that people misunderstood it to be a racial epithet.
Also, it’s not a stereotype about real people, but instead a term for a fictional archetype. It’s not exactly the same thing as stereotyping Asians as being good at math. This is just an observation that many authors use the same character model, and then giving it a name, the “magic negro.”
The stereotyping he is referring to in this article, if I’m not mistaken, is his own of liberals, by expecting to them to know the difference between a literary reference and a racial epithet.
I think the whole point in the original article that inspired the song, was that liberals should NOT be looking to Obama as an end-all solution.
January 8th, 2009 at 9:35 am
Well, Mr. Brockway, you have thoroughly won me over as a fan with this one. An excellent diatribe of humor. Exactly what I’ve come to respect and appreciate from the bloggers here. Thank you so much!
Honestly, I think racism exists for good or bad. It’s one of those things like poverty or famine. One of the utopian ideals we work towards as humans is to abolish such things from society. If racism were to ever go away entirely, it would be one of our greatest feats. But until then, accepting positive racism is still preferable over the negative, if it must exist.
January 8th, 2009 at 9:35 am
You see, the problem inherently with this blog is the fact that he linked to a Cracked article entitled “Hollywood’s 6 Favorite OFFENSIVE Sterotypes.” So yeah, that kind of undercuts the premise that liberals shouldn’t be offended…
January 8th, 2009 at 9:33 am
This whole article was just a setup for that Magic Johnson joke at the end, wasn’t it?
January 8th, 2009 at 9:32 am
“could be blood in the streets if the end of his first term doesn’t see every American employed at the golden blowjob factory with full health coverage, free mansions, and a working Hoverboard in every garage.”
Fucking Hilarious. Laughed so hard I almost shat myself. I’ve had to deal with stereotypes my whole life and I still think they’re funny.
Great Article
January 8th, 2009 at 9:22 am
i think it is republicans who are ignorant on this one. calling a black man a negro is bad no matter how you swing it, and doing it “just for chuckles” doesnt help your image of not being racist.
January 8th, 2009 at 9:20 am
so what if something’s racist? need more of it, mooaaarrrr
January 8th, 2009 at 9:14 am
I love it! I am a Democratic liberal arts major (English Lit…seriously, useless once you leave the Starbucks after arguing with someone with a peacoast and rimless glasses over something menial like what a word really meant in part one of the longest book you’ve ever had to read) but I completely agree with this article.
As usual, Americans (both Dems and Republicans) show their ignorance instead of just reading up on something. Or finding almost any secretary/personal assistant/BK worker who was an English major and asking them what the term meant. Oh, how I love to disparage my fellow English majors.
January 8th, 2009 at 9:06 am
agreeing with rabies on this one. Relegating someone to any role, positive or negative, because of race is racist, no matter how flattering it might be.
January 8th, 2009 at 8:44 am
See, I think it’s both. “Magical Negro” is a literary device and racist. I know it sounds like the height of liberality, but even “positive” stereotypes are damaging. When you say all black guys have huge members it subtly reduces them to sex objects. The stereotype of Asians being smart and industrious reduces the to the “model minority” status where they are expected to be quiet and produce. The magical negro label reminds me of the part in “Roots” where Kunta’s master wouldn’t let him keep track of his age by placing marbles in a bowl because he thought it was voodoo, or on a greater scale just the ignorance and fear of blacks in general; it’s trying to label and marginalize something you don’t understand.
Also, the song apparently talked about how Obama is not a “real black man” like Snoop Dogg. That part is pretty clearly racist, I’d say. Also, calling anyone a “negro” in any context anymore is pretty ignorant too. Just my two cents.
January 8th, 2009 at 8:36 am
Well fucking said. So right, and at the same time so damn funny.
January 8th, 2009 at 8:36 am
Great article!
January 8th, 2009 at 8:33 am
Fan-freaking-tastic article.