Cracked Columnists

Lymph Nodes, Detoxing and Lancing the Boil of Institutionalized Racism: The Daily Nooner (EST)!

Awesome Video Of The DayShirley Q. Liquor Goes To K-Mark

WARNING: Today's video IS not FUNNY in any way, shape or form. It portrays hurtful racist stereotypes, and although it does so in an entertaining voice I can assure that it IS not FUNNY. I can't speak for my fellow bloggers (I'm pretty sure that Swaim is a card-carrying Klan member), but I can tell you that I personally DOn't THINK THIS VIDEO IS FUNNY.

Okay? Okay.

Shirley Q. Liquor is a character that was created by Chuck Knipp, a drag comedian who is also an ordained chaplain, registered nurse, and active member of the ACLU and Libertarian Party. On top of all this, he somehow manages to find the time to caricature southern black women and put it up on YouTube. Impressive!

His live performances have been protested several times, apparently, but I can't figure out why. Maybe they're picketed by people who hate the ACLU, or people who really hate drag comedians. Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that he PERFORMS IN BLACKFACE. I don't know. People can be so touchy.

While his critics call him a bigot, Knipp defends himself by saying he's "lancing the boil of institutionalized racism." I know I'm playing with fire by putting this question forward, but here goes nothing: What do YOU think?


The Worst Of "As Seen On TV"The Product:Sole Detox PadsThe Ad Copy: "Sole Detox Pads absorb toxins including heavy metals, cleanse the lymph system (the only thing that heals the body) and makes the painful areas of your body feel life's energy and become more comfortable... by absorbing toxins through the soles of the feet while you sleep."

Price: $59.95 plus $6.95 shipping & handling (for a box of 30 pads)

Target Demographic: Morons who don't feel good

Why It Sucks: So let me get this straight - you put these pads on your feet, go to sleep, the pads get dirty, and the dirty stuff is toxins, right? Well why, might I ask, do the toxins come out of your feet? And why only at night? When my socks get dirty throughout the course of the day, is it from the toxins seeping out of my soles, and if so, shouldn't I be wearing some Detox Pads to prevent it? If I'm really ambitious about detoxing (and lord knows I am), shouldn't I be wearing them all over my body 24 hours a day? I want to believe in this system, but I'm pretty sure I have too many toxins in my body for it to work for me in its present state. Which is too bad, really. I feel terrible pretty much all the time.

Stupid Factor (1 to 10): 9

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Ross Wolinsky

  • Rss

More by Ross Wolinsky:

See More
To turn on reply notifications, click here

27 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!