Local Tweens Totes Caught Texting Behind Roller Rink


This past whenever, a collection of tweens were for reals seen texting behind the Dry Hump Roller Rink on the corner of 5th and Grind. The tweens seemed to think no one could see them texting, but we totes could. Apparently, the back parking lot of this particular roller rink is a hot spot for the local tweenagers to text in an adult-free zone. The dults just dont get it, says Brytnee Halter, top cheerleader at her school and one of the texting tweens. We may be young, but were not kids. That's why we call adults 'dults. If we think were old enough to text, and texting is one of our fave things to do, then why shouldnt we?

Many of the tweens parents are appalled by this revelation and have perfectly good reasons why they dont want their kids texting. First of all, that texting stuff is expensive, says Brytnees mom Britney. If I wanted to pay an extra 40 bucks a month, Id buy real butter. If I didnt want to pay an extra 40 bucks a month, Id probably change my plan to include more texting. She paused briefly, then made a quick phone call to Verizon. Was there a second of all? Oh, right, continues Britney. No.

Some tweens dont even text behind the roller rink. They simply watch others text. My rents wont let me have a cell phone, says Jadrian Blaker, a tween who frequents the back of the roller rink to overcome his textual inadequacy. I understand why not. Im too young to start texting and I call my parents 'rents.' But that doesnt mean I shouldnt learn how to now, so when I am ready, Ill be ready, you know? Jadrian feels so strongly about this, he has even started a new club at school called Learn Or Lose (LOL), which promotes textual awareness. Were not promoting texting, explains Jadrian. We just think tweens these days should have as much information about it as possible, so they can make an informed decision and whatev happens is whatevs.

Oh, wait! interrupted Brytnees mom Britney. There wasa second of all. These tweens today. They think theyre so adult, but theyre sooo not. Dont make me rofl. Thats a thing, right? Rofl?"

Brytnee is certainly sick of being told what to do, and she will continue texting, whether its behind Dry Hump Roller Rink, the Boneview Shopping Center, or in the privacy of her own bedroom. She complains, Im at the stage in my life where Im almost close to becoming closer to the next step towards being a young adult. I mean, OMG, its not like Im husking or something. Husking, of course, is something that may or may not exist, and it is when two tweens rub their genitals together, sans penetration (or penetrashe, as the tweens call it).

No, Ive never heard of husking, says Brytnees mom Britney. All I know is that behind that roller rink is disgusting. These tweens could catch something while theyre texting. I mean, come on! We all know teenagers fuck back there.

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Cody Johnston

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