Brilliant directors, creative screenwriters, actors, actresses and various crew members work diligently, honing their crafts and perfecting their art all year for one reason and one reason only: So the Cracked Columnists can make fun of their movies…
Alright, let’s get things started with some sexy red carpet coverage. Finally. We’ve been waiting all year for an excuse to watch pretty people standing around and looking at things. If I’m not mistaken, last year, Gary Busey fondled Jenifer Garner, (possibly to settle some kind of “Which of us have a more comically giant mouth” contest), so we need some predictions on who is going to bring the crazy this year.
I’m putting my money on Tim Gunn headbutting Nathan Lane, who may or may not actually attend.
I’m laying money on Mickey Rourke to bring the most crazy. He already looks like he raped Don Johnson’s suit. He’s like the old-school version of Busey. There’s just no way this night is ending without him biting somebody on the neck and howling atop the Kodak Theater, his silhouette contrasting dramatically with the full moon behind him as Joey Fatone’s blood stains the pristine whiteness of his blazer.
I know we’re on the red carpet part of the show now, but I don’t know if any of you caught Hugh Jackman giving Barbara Walters a lap dance at the end of her special. No joke. I don’t know what was more disturbing: that or what’s happening right now — Tim Gunn gushing about Valentino’s Oscar dresses.
I’ve discovered that the ABC Oscar feed, labelled “LIVE NOW!” and advertised as a live feed of the Oscars, is in fact not. I have no idea if I’m watching anything pertinent.
I know she’s a terrific actress, and I think she’s wonderful. But I’m so god damned sick of the whole Meryl Streep “thing.” She’s so gracious and elegant and sweet, I want to kick her in the throat. Also, she’s the one person nominated for best actress with whom I don’t want to have filthy motel room sex.
I’ve been such a Richard Jenkins fan for such a long time. It’s a shame he’ll probably never be nominated for anything again.
Look at all these amazing dresses. They are certainly made of fabric and colors. What the hell am I supposed to say about red carpet coverage that the baneful stare of Tim Gunn cannot communicate better? Wait…was that the dad from Six Feet Under? What did he do this year? Is anybody else even seeing him, or is this just a hallucination to metaphorically illustrate my inner monologue regarding grief?
BTW, I forgot to mention that I am drinking Jameson Irish Whiskey tonight and I continue to do so until Brockway gets funny. In other news, Tim Gunn told Marisa Tomei that while Mickey Rourke said he loves to see her with her clothes off, Tim Gunn loves to see her with her clothes on. For the life of me I just can’t imagine what might account for that. And now the Oscars are about to start for realz….
Okay, so ABC officially stands for “Astounding Bag of Cocks,” because unless Sean Penn has been looping his movements for the last ten minutes, all I’m seeing are red carpet clips.
So I’ve decided to rave blindly about the Oscars, pick fights with commenters, and harangue the other bloggers while I get increasingly drunk. This is not a drill. I will also provide status updates on my level of drunkenness and what is going on around me as I sit in a room alone without a working TV.
For my first such post, I’d like to publicly thank Gladstone for introducing me to Kate Bush the other day with his post. I bought Hounds of Love and Dreaming, they are fantastic, and I’ll be letting you know what songs are playing every time I post in case you want to join my pathetic refusal to leave the liveblog.
Okay, so Hugh Jackman was great hosting the Tony’s, but this opening number is one of the worst things that’s ever happened to the Oscars. I mean, granted, I still can’t handle how much I want to have sex with Anne Hathaway right now, but otherwise this is retarded. Also, Jackman’s making a joke about how he hasn’t seen the Reader, a joke I made several weeks ago in a phoned in blog post.
Wow, Jackman sang and acted like a douche. Who could’ve seen that one coming - the narcissist flailing about on stage first thing in the award ceremony. Was Andy Dick unavailable to host? What’s he going to do next - start a breakdancing number when they memorialize Heath Ledger? I would still get sexually weird with you, because you are an excellent Wolverine, but god damn your handsome bastard face, regardless.
I know Hugh Jackman is really talented and good looking, but do you think that was enough to keep him from being called “Huge Jackoff” all through high school? I was going to say yes, but after seeing that opening number, I’m just not sure. Oh, and Penelope Cruz just won best supporting actress. Personally, I didn’t see that movie. I know she’s supposed to be super hot and everything, but I can’t help but notice how her face comes to a point much like a mouse’s. And now she just said something in Spanish I don’t understand, but which I assume was “G-Stone, please bring back HBN.”
In my fantasy mind-Oscars, they’ve sent a nice man out to assure everyone that the nominations of Benjamin Button were a gross oversight on the part of the committee, and furthermore, as penance, Brad Pitt will be appearing later as a six-foot baby to do a duet with Elton John.
This rum and coke is more rum than coke, although Javier was right; it’s GOOD coke. I shouldn’t have had him killed. Or as the Colombians say, “Muertoed.”
Drunk Status: it begins.
Non-Oscar related activity of the moment: Considering whether it would be too gross to masturbate during a break between posts. Consider the fact that I am being paid for this time. Try to reconcile these.
And hey, Dhlizard: I find you homely and your posts derivative to those of “Teabag.” Your move, ASSHOLE.
You know, your pathetic caperings remind me of Hugh Jackman. Am I right? Am I not totally plugged into the whole pulse of this live blogging experience?!
This is happening.
SUGGESTED SOUNDTRACK: Cloudbusting—Kate Bush.
It’s weird to me that they showed movie clips during the nominations for the scripts, but NO CLIPS during nominations for the acting. Wait, not weird. Stupid. I love the Oscars, but this is already one of the worst ceremonies I’ve ever seen. Meanwhile, I’m hoping Frost/Nixon wins adapted screenplay. Doubt was a carbon copy of the play, Benjamin Button raped the Fitzgerald story, and the reader was totally unseen by me.
I know Steve Martin hasn’t made a funny movie in decades, but I still found him utterly charming and Tina Fey, as always, looked like she needed to be taught a lesson…by my dick. It would be a short and entirely unmemorable lesson, but I think we’d both learn a little something nonetheless. She would learn not to sleep with strangers staking out her apartment, and I would learn that persistence pays off regardless of what those fucking restraining orders say. I sincerely hope those two hook up after the show though, so all that erotic fan fiction I’ve been writing would have some basis in reality, and no longer just be the deluded fantasies of a pop-culture obsessed pervert.
First off, I have a headache so I’ve traded in my Jameson Irish Whiskey for Yeungling Lager, which I’m pleased to report you can get a case of 24 of for just 15 bucks at Costco. And, oh, Wall E just won best animated picture. I think I’m the only one who thought this movie was weak. The main character reminded me of Johnny 5 from those awful Short Circuit movies. Of course, it’s not like I was rooting for Kung Fu Panda.
I’ve gathered that Steve Martin is onstage nowabouts, and in my Oscars, this means he’s playing the banjo at an amazing pace while reciting the screenplay of The Jerk.
Drunk Status: My heart is relaxed and healthy, like steamed celery.
Non-Oscar related activity of the moment: Watching a tape of last year’s Oscars and flipping through a People, trying desperately to put the faces of appropriate celebrities over their onscreen doppelgangers.
Also, to all the commenters: I’ve done everything short of spitting on your king dhlizard, yet you insist on talking about what’s happening on some stupid, irrelevant media event that wasn’t even important enough TO BE ONLINE. That means it’s less important than lemonparty.
You’re all perverts.
Holy shit, did you know there’s a baby robot that can learn?! That robot could learn to kill us all! They should make a movie about THAT.
SUGGESTED SOUNDTRACK: Under Ice—Kate Bush
DARK KNIGHT!! DARK KNIGHT SHOULD WIN THIS AWARD! DARK KNIGHT SHOULD- Son of a bitch, Benjamin Button. I don’t technically know what Art direction is, but I know that The Dark Knight did it louder and faster and better than Benjamin Button. WHy the fuck should they get this award? It’s a movie set in New Orleans that they filmed in New Orleans. Gotham is a place that only exists in the comics and several personal disturbing sexual fantasies I’d rather not describe right now. This I’m sure will begin a trend of Benjamin Button winning awards it shouldn’t win. Drunk Status: I don’t know where this wine came from, but I’m drinking it until I can’t see it anymore.
They had Daniel Craig presenting with Sarah Jessica Parker? That’s a little bit of a lopsided duo. You have James Bond up there looking like he’s made out of tuxedos and tans, and then there’s Parker who looks like somebody microwaved Barbara Streisand. I hope she has a beautiful personality, because right now, she has a muffin top on her breasts. Man, look at that! See how snarky and horrible I am? I should totally be on gay fashion TV, so my vitriol could be considered charming instead of misanthropic.
So, I’m not going to lie to you. I’m getting a little buzzed. And now that Twilight guy is presenting. Man, he bugs me. OK, that’s it — they just showed a clip of Twilight… at the Oscars! That’s the equivalent of serving Pop Tarts on Iron Chef. Wait. Wait, wait, wait. This montage wasn’t even for an award? It was just a montage on the topic of “Romance”? Why did that just happen? I can’t wait til later in the show when the topic is “Awkward Opening Numbers” and they replay the start of the show.
Dear Lord. When they first pulled out the guns, I thought it was all some sort of joke or terrible “bit.” I expected Jack Black to run out in a sumo diaper and take ‘em out. But what they did to John Lasseter…my—my God. The blood sprayed everywhere, and then there was just screaming, and running. Tears drip onto my keyboard as I struggle to type.
It’s really true; TERRORISTS HAVE TAKEN OVER THE MIND-OSCARS.
Drunk Status: I could still drive, but only because I have very little respect for the lives of innocents.
Non-Oscar related activity of the moment: Isn’t there a level in Donut Land where you can get a secret “P” and then all the goomba paratrooper’s turn into silver coins and you can get like 99 extra lives? If you know what part I’m talking about, post “SWAIM MARIO INFORMATION” then the answer in the comments. If you do, I promise to stop embarrassing you quite so terribly by pointing out your obvious deficiencies in my posts.
Except lantendo, who’s going to come over to my house later to play Settlers and drink cooking sherry.
Brockway, you’re so right. I hate how everyone loves that “What Not To Wear” show where the people belittle others to tears every episode. It’s like watching school bullies terrorize a little kid, but because the bully is a gay woman, you just let it slide hoping it’ll build character. Misanthropy shouldn’t be masked, and that’s a lesson you’ve taught us all, you hateful piece of crap.
Is this it? Is this the one that won it? That won the Oscar? I’LL NEVER KNOW.
SUGGESTED SOUNDTRACK: The one with the aborigines singing in the background—Kate Motherfucking Bush.
Okay, with all the awards it isn’t winning, it’s looking less and less likely that Dark Knight is going to surprise everyone and win Best Picture despite not being formally nominated, (though I’m still pretty confident it’ll happen somehow). Jessica Biel is talking, despite the fact that she’s not wearing a dress so much as a pile of cloth. She also just credited Thomas Edison with something, and even though I wasn’t paying attention to what she said, I want to make it clear that, whatever it was, Nikola Tesla probably invented it first.
Drunk Status: The mystery bottle of wine that showed up at my house is almost gone and my feet are starting to itch. These two things may be related.
My update time is just awesome this round: Long commercial break, segment about technical acknowledgments from Jessica Biel dressed like a birthday present for the Pillsbury Dough Boy, and another long commercial break. I’d like to take this opportunity to say: Swaim, I may be a piece of hateful crap, but I’m more like the piece of crap sitting right out there in the open. Dead center of sidewalk crap – that’s me. You, sir? You cloak your shittiness in the guise of moral superiority. You are the crap beneath a leaf, that covers your shoe without you knowing it. Then you walk into your in-laws house and they’re like, “what smells like crap?” And then you have to spend the rest of the night in your socks as your shitty shoes get stolen from the stoop by underprivileged youths.
Nothing happened during my slot. I mean, I like that James Franco, Seth Rogan thing, but nothing to exciting to report on. OH! Now some German dude won an Oscar for best short film. He’s dressed in a black tuxedo with a black shirt and a black bow-tie. He also has a shaved a head. Quick tip, German guy, but the rest of the world doesn’t need any help visualizing a German as evil. Seriously, the accent does plenty already. It’s overkill.
Drunk status: I had a headache before I started drinking and now it’s worse, but it’s harder to type.
Who would have thought Ben Stiller would have so much fight in him? The way he deboned that Al Qaeda lich-king right in the middle of his gibbering tirade. And then to just go on with the mind-Oscars like he wasn’t covered in spinal cord fluid. Sir, I take back all the times I watched Zoolander and called all my friends and just screamed “WHY?! YOU LIKED THIS?! FUCK YOU!”
And may Natali Portman Rest in Peace.
Drunk Status: Drunk enough that the fact that commenters clearly aren’t even reading this blog and are instead just talking about which movie they think will win as if ACTUALLY SOMEHOW MATTERS TO ANOYONE makes me feel lonely and like weeping. Non-Oscar related activity of the moment: I’d never heard of “The Visitor,” so I looked at the trailer. It was really good you guys. You should vote for it.
Lyallowen, thanks! I’m on my way there now. You’re still a pig-fucking son of a motherless transsexual whore. I LIED BEFORE ABOUT NOT BEING A DICK TO YOU. I’m NOW GOING TO ONLY BE A DICK TO YOU FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT>
SUGGESTED SOUNDTRACK: Frank Zappa—Hot Poop (It’s only like thirty seconds but I have it on loop).
Brockway, I really want to put this behind us. I respect you and admire your work. I’m glad you’re a part of the team. Then BOOSH I smash a bottle on your head! Then I squat over your rolling form and squeeze one out while screaming “SMELL ME NOW?!!!” That’s what’s going to happen if we ever meet.
SOUNDTRACK: Back to Kate Bush. Suspended in Gaffa.
It’s like Hollywood thought they were running out of money, so they needed to re-do the ceremony but why, seriously, WHY would they try to make the ceremony more like the Tony awards? Broadway is losing money MUCH faster than Hollywood, Jesus, what are they gonna do next year? Handle the ceremony like it’s an XFL game? This is miserable. Beyonce is singing “At Last,” one of my all time favroite songs, and ruining it. I hate her.
Drunk Status: I-Rod (or something) in the comments wonders if I’m drunk enough to predict a Tyler Perry Oscar win. Man, there is not enough mystery wine in the world. (Meanwhile, the mystery wine is gone.)
Seriously, I’m not even going to put any modifiers in here about how handsome he is, or what an awesome Wolverine Hugh Jackman was; he’s a bigger desperate attention whore than Robin Williams. Was he entered in Beauty Pagaents as a child or something? What else could explain this ‘holy shit look at me’ clusterfuck?
Speaking of Robin Williams, I would just like to say that if Heath Ledger doesn’t win for Best Supporting Actor tonight, I am going to burn down Mr. Williams.
That is not a typo.
I am going to burn the man himself down to the fucking ground, because there is no way he gets to be “The Academy Award Winning Actor Robin Williams,” while doing shit like Bicentennial Man, but Ledger goes unrecognized for the greatest portrayal of a villain in cinema. It is not a just and kind world if a guy that goes “*BEEP BOP BORP* What is this hu-mon…love?” gets an Oscar while the guy that managedto school Jack Nicholson in the category of ‘Scary Motherfuckers’ gets nothing.
Well, Heath Ledger won best supporting actor. I guess this wasn’t a surprise. And not just because he’s dead, but because he really was as great as the hype said he was. But also because he’s dead. My favorite moment in his performance was when he one of the mafia thugs says “this guy’s crazy” and Health just says, “I’m not.” Gave me chills. My least favorite thing he did was crapping out on sleeping pills months later.
DRUNK STATUS: During a commercial break I saw an ad for a Maytag washer where the voice over said “it can take on huge loads.” And I giggled. That’s how drunk.
If you guys keep stealing all my posting ideas, you’re going on the Brockway List. I’m the only one here qualified to report on the status of self-innebriation. I didn’t spend a weekend at Beer School for nothing, assholes.
Speaking of which, Drunk Status: I have 99 lives.
Non-Oscar related activity of the moment: A friend sent me a link that may or may not be a working (illegal) feed. If I can successfully navigate to it without drawing the attention of federal agents, I’ll have to start talking about the real Oscars and because of that, I’m not using this time to mentally tie up most of the loose ends for the major characters in my mind-Oscars, Brad and Beyonce worked it out, Ben Stiller got his head blown off, but saved Dakota Fanning, and Robert Brockway had his nuts slowly crushed by a tank tread while he was trying to slap them against the forehead of whatever celebrity you love the most.
SUGGESTED SOUNDTRACK: Mother Stands for Comfort: K to the B.
Lyawellen means nothing to me. He’s dead to me.
Hugh Jackman is seen stretching on the stage for no reason. If I wasn’t so looking forward to getting arrested for masturbating during X Men Origins: Wolverine, then I’d admit how much I hated Hugh Jackman right now. This seems to be an Oscar montage about cars, which combines two things the Cracked Aduience doesn’t care about, so I’m just gonna talk about my wiener. Wiener Status: It is awesome
Hey! Holy shit, Ledger won! You hear that sound? That’s the sound of a continent’s worth of nerds taking their fingers off the trigger. So, what? Is there justice in the world now? Is that a thing that’s happening? Hold on, I need to call my childhood nemesis Micah Giovanni and see if he’s a bald, impotent wreck of a human being that works at a zoo masturbating tigers for their seed - then we’ll know for sure. Also, Swaim: You know I only pretend to hate you to mask the deep, abiding love that permeates my every waking hour - wracking me with desperation and jealousy every moment we must be apart. And I only pretend toward that love in order to mask the even deeper, darker, soul-crushing spite I have for every breath you’re allowed to take in this world. And beneath that hate? Some ambivalence, a little horniness, and I think some gassiness.
Oh yay, here’s Will Smith. He’s just so nice. Look at that goatee. On another man, it might be intimidating. Hell, on a little girl it might be intimidating, but on Will, it’s just one more thing to find adorable. So, Benjamin Button just won some technical award (yawn) except it sounded like “Ansom Williams” was thanked which was the name of the actor who played Potzie on Happy Days. Yeah, I never thought that would happen.
My feed literally started just in time for me to hear the word “Heath Ledger is dead.” It might have a bit of a delay.
Although amidst the dropped frames, I’m pretty sure I saw a clip of a movie where people hefted a banner reading “Stop Killing the Black People.” I didn’t know causes could be that generic. I’m going to start the “Let’s Do Good Things For A Change, Hey?” Foundation.
Another funny side note is that this feed is British, so while you’re watching slickly-produced commercials, I’m watching a bunch of gap-toothed AbFab crumpet-munchers go on about their lorries.
Ooh, the visual effects award went to my least-favorite movie of the year. I’m SO GLAD the wonder of human technology can transmit this in the form of binary information to my eyes. It was TOTALLY WORTH INVENTING IT. And if Richard King doesn’t win for Sound Editing, I’m going to fucking kill myself.
Brockway, Micah Giovanni is more of a man than you’ll ever be. He’s replacing you on the blog.
Well, after a shit-ton of technical awards, I think I can speak for everyone when I say “The Dark Knight hasn’t been mentioned enough and is Christian Bale even here?” They’re doing some kind of tribute to Jerry Lewis now. I guess that’s nice. Jerry Lewis was a bit before my time. I’ve seen some of his TV shows, but they never really resonated with me. For an alleged “comic legend,” he relies to heavily on the visual gag of children with muscular dystrophy. Having very little else to say about Jerry Lewis, I’ll move on to updates:
Drunk Update: I’ve taken to calling the number that I THINK belongs to Anne Hathaway and breathing heavily.
Weiner Update: More classy and impressive than the Academy Awards, less loud than the Grammys, more violent than Crank.
I am neither French, nor a senior citizen, and therefore I do not give a flying fuck about Jerry Lewis. I know that he takes care of children, which is honorable, and that he calls people “fags” on TV, which is slightly less so. So onto unrelated things:
Swaim: I want to fuck you like an animal. Like a cat, specifically. They have spiked penises, I am told, and only the act of making the sweetest of love to you with a blade-cock could accurately reflect the dichotomy of emotions I currently hold for you.
Also, I really hope Micah Giovanni Google searches his own name at some point and comes here, hoping to find an ex-girlfriend wants him back in her life or something, only to realize that he’s become comedy fodder for his particularly memorable childhood dickishness. If so, I would just like to say: Micah, you may have won the chicken-fight on the monkey-bars that day, but I bet everybody totally thought you were a pussy when you cried after I split blood all over your Pumas.
I think Jerry Lewis just won the Jerry Lewis award for best portrayal of Jerry Lewis in a Jerry Lewis. Am I the only who thinks Jerry sucked down a whole bunch of X before receiving the Oscar? I haven’t seen that much excessive chewing of invisible gum since Jack O’Brien showed up with glow sticks and pacifiers on “Fly your Freak Flag Day” at the Cracked offices.
Drunk Status: Sobering up. Getting more…
I thought Jerry Lewis was dead. Which brings up an even more pertinent point: I thought Eddie Murphy was dead. Wasn’t that giant stone head thing a funeral monument?
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And jesus, enough with the Viva La Vida music. They’ve used Coldplay tracks for montages twice, and I’ve only been watching since I beat Iggy Koopa. I liked that album, but they already won the biggest Grammy. Let’s give Dear Science some airtime. Nothing says “elder philanthropist” like a song about lower class wrath.
Hangover Status: Now an orchestra is playing sleepy music, so I’m going to rest my eyes for a few. If I’m back later it means I woke up to hurl. If any of you commenters have a problem with that, I’d like to point out that my posts EASILY have more words on average than any of the others, and are probably funnier. I say “probably” because I haven’t read any of theirs (I’m trying NOT to hurl here).
Okay, they’re doing a montage of songs nominated. A lot of people are pissed that Springsteen’s “Three Legged Dog” song hasn’t been nominated, but I’m more shocked that the Dark Knight’s “Creepy Violins Played by Razor Blades” theme isn’t on this list. This entire night, really, has been a series of “Dark Knight wasn’t nominated” moments for me. I guess it’ll all be taken care of once Dark Knight wins Best Picture. Drunk Status: Calling up Swaim and ex-girlfriends complaining about how we should get back together/don’t hang out enough respectively. Weiner Update: More interesting than the Oscars, less interesting than The Soup Awards that are currently on E!.
So, was that a musical montage dedicated to ethnic diversity, or did the guy that looks like Neo from the Indian Matrix just old school rap-battle John Legend for the fate of the world? If so, I think Indian Neo won, so let’s all get prepared to ride forty to a car…in bullet-time! Also, one of the winners was named Ghoul Tsar. I’m sure he prefers to spell it differently, but come on, dude. You’re not fooling anybody. You can’t be an ordinary guy when your name is Ghoul Tsar. You’re a supervillain who probably controls undead communists. Don’t front.
Best Foreign Language Film!!! YAY! I have seen 0 of these films, but I promise, whichever one wins I won’t see that one either. Oh dear, the Japanese film,Departures, won! I did NOT see that coming. And I understand this Director accepting the award speaks English as a second language so I’m not criticizing his accent or limited vocabulary, but what’s going on with his volume? I AM very hap-EEEE!!!!
Drunk Status: I’ve lost my pants and I’m randomly IMing Facebook friends…
It just occurred to me that “Tally Ho” is a beautiful example of how Britain’s brutal empire-building has impacted and guided the history, culture, and language of India. Right after I realized that, it cut back to the British hosts and I shook my fist at them. Then they said that song was actually called “Jai Ho” and I realized it’s the touching story of a Bombay prostitute named Jai Jai Binks (for money). And I wept, my friends.
Liam Neeson was so badass in Taken I want him to be MY Dad. And I want La Femme Nikita to be my hot sister. And I want Leon from The Professional to be my Dad’s “best friend.”
Also, Ghoul Czar 2012!
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Weiner Update: Dan O’Brien is a wiener.
Now there’s a list of dead people happening, but I’m choosing to let my capable colleagues risk hauntings by mocking that part of the show.
Reese Witherspoon is wearing a stupid dress and honoring the Best Director. I haven’t checked the nominations, but I think Christopher Nolan is a lock for this category. He did an amazing job with the humble story of a costumed vigilante and really spoke to the larger issues plaguing Darfur, (probably).
Drunk Status: I am not messaging GLADSTONE’s facebook friends.
Wiener Status: Swaim is a winner. It’s true. As much as I personally despise Swaim, my dick is a huge (HUGE) fan of his internet comedy. It’s a shame those two can’t get along.
I don’t think Slumdog deserves to win, necessarily, but Boyle is a damn fine director. Working as a waiter in Nantucket one summer, I went to see a special screening of 28 Days Later in the only theater on the island. There were like 300 people there - all dickheads in pink popped collar Polos - and only later did I realize Boyle himself was attending. He gave a little speech before the movie about filmmaking, took some questions, and seemed like a nice guy overall. At the time, I was like “who the fuck is this guy? Get to the zombies, bitch.” But man, after Millions, Sunshine and Slumdog Millionaire, my opinion has changed. Now, if I had the good graces to meet the man, I’d be like “You’re an excellent director, sir. Now get back to the fucking zombies, bitch.” Then I’d bite him on the shoulder and shake around like a shark.
Well, it seems my posting time is gonna come due before they announce
Best Actress, but I’m going to go out on a limb that the winner is the whichever actress saw Slumdog Millionaire the most times. I didn’t see Kate in The Reader Revolutionary Road suck. Oh and look Halle Barry managed to find a dress that completely made her breasts disappear. Oh wait! They haven’t disappeared. She apparently just loaned them to Sofia Loren. Good lord. She will be starring in my wetmares tonight.
Drunk Status: Not drunk enough to prevent Sofia Loren wetmares.
I’d like to first speak to my British friends from the comments section. Sirs, Ma’ams, Gov’ners, I beg your forgiveness. In my drunken rage I lashed out at your vapid television hosts, neglecting to realize that ours are equally vapid, and have less of an accent to cover it up. What horrendous monstrosity from your national cuisine should I eat as punishment? Fish and Vegemite? Bloody Dick? Crispy Puddlings? Just say the word and it’s done.
Jesus, the Best Actress nominee intros are so lavish: “Kate Winslet, I avert my putrid gaze from your brilliance, hoping that by saying I would rip my own heart out in order to watch a film of you acting for three seconds, I have not sullied your ears with my mortal words. I would be honored if you’d kick me in the ribs. Godspeed, my love. Here’s a fifty.”
Man, Sophia Loren used to be so classy and beautiful that even now, with her face trussed up by steel cables, I’m mildly attracted to her.
Okay, the Best Actor award is next. Mickey Rourke will probably win but, if he doesn’t, Sean Penn will. Personally, I want Frank Langella to win, but he almost certainly will not. If you’re wondering why I have so much time to riff on the idea of Best Actor, it’s because the current ceremony is FUCKING RETARDED and has way too many clip shows. Wiener Update: Wiener is feeling shockingly pensive. Considering how it fits into the world at large, considering its carbon footprint, etc. Will consider the idea of setting up a charity.
So Best Actor’s up now, but Winslet just won for Best Actress and things need to be commented on:
First and foremost, props to you for telling Streep to “suck it up.” Next year, if she is nominated again as she doubtlessly will be, let’s escalate this trend and gently inform her that she should “eat a dick.”
Second: You dad was rocking literally the sweetest top hat I’ve seen outside of Abraham Lincoln. Seriously, are you the daughter of turn-of-the-century Slash?
Third: Richard Jenkins does not look pleased about Adrien Brody telling the audience to “Google him.” Either he’s confused about internet terminology and thinks he may have just been insulted by an uppity young fellow using that teenage slang, or else he’s got some dark shit Google might turn up. Personally I think it’s the latter. I am going to go Google Richard Jenkins now and will be severely disappointed if I do not find hours of bizarrely subtitled amateur pornography.
Fourth: Ben Kingsley? Better in Gandhi.
Finally: Jesus, Academy, Rourke’s dog died and still nothing? I know Sean Penn fucked Madonna, and he’s still got some pity coming toward him for that, but come on! Pour some of your 40 out for Loki, you heartless bastards.
Wow, Mickey Rourke lost. Didn’t see that one coming. But then again. If he had won, the world would have been deprived of Sean Penn’s “commie, homo-loving sons of guns” joke. And it would have been a HUGE loss, because he told it twice. Y’know we’re coming towards the end here and I would just like to commend Hugh Jackman for finally coming out. And he did it in a classy way too. Not by making an announcement revealing his true sexuality, but by purveying a truly gay awards show for four hours. And mind you, I don’t mean “gay” as in lame, although yes, it was that too.
The cowboy music for the Best Actor montage was kind of confusing, considering that as far as I know none of these five presenters was ever in a western. Is it a subtle hint that a De Niro/Douglas/Kingsley/Brody/Hopkins posse flick is upcoming? If so, I hope it’s called “We’re Too Old For This Shit, and There’s a Fucking Cannibal Trying to Kill Us.”
The twist is, Kingsley’s the cannibal.
And I’ve got to say, watching Richard Jenkins (or as I know him, Dad from Six Feet under) during Brody’s speech is the closest this ceremony has come to touching my heart. Then Brody’s hair filled my eyes and all was greasy blackness.
Best Actor: I may have thought Rourke’s performance was the strongest and most emotionally nuanced of the year, but I don’t mind an issue or political win this time. Sean Penn helped bring a very important cause to light, and we need to validate that historically: Juice has been keeping us down for too damn long.
I just realized all my posting times have fallen in such a way that I’ve never gotten to predict any of the wins, so I’m taking this opportunity to predict The Dark Knight will win the Oscars next year when economic depression cripples the movie industry and drives us to just re-release the 2008 slate.
@Wayne: I think Rourke was actually supposed to win, but when Douglas saw that white suit, he couldn’t in good conscience give him the award. It was a reverse Tomei.
WOOO! The movie I wanted to win since Doubt didn’t get nominated won! My opinions are valid! So there, most of the people I come into contact with! I now predict that no less than 30 commenters will post “D) It was written.”
Well, it’s the end of the ceremony. A whole lot of things that I wanted to win lost, I had more mystery wine and shoebox whiskey than is reasonable for a Sunday night, and I like Hugh Jackman a little bit less. I thought it was weird that they said “Slumdog Millionaire” when they really meant “Dark Knight.” I mean, I liked Slumdog, but it was cruel to bring them up at the end, despite the fact that TDK won. Dev Patel’s face is going to be so red. What I took away from this night was that whoever was running the Oscars was terribly misguided and ill-suited for this job. As someone who hasn’t missed an Oscars in YEARS, I can honestly say that this was a tremendous struggle for me to get through. Thanks for commenting, Cracked Commenters. I imagine you had a lot of really insightful and important things to say.
Represents number of wins for each film, and how much we gave a shit.
Good god, it’s over! That might’ve been a little rough to get through, but you know what? I think we’ve all learned a little something this year. We’ve learned that Indians win at drama, we’ve learned that comic books just got a little closer to legitimacy and all it took was sacrificing the life of a promising young man on the blood altar of Oscar the Golden One and, above all, we’ve learned that Hugh Jackman is an unbelievable narcissist who just loves to dance, and once pissed himself on stage . Though I still don’t understand what was up with those bizarre montages of past movies instead of clips from this year’s nominees (was Girl Talk directing this year?) I think we’ve all grown as people. I’ve grown about six inches, myself. And now I’m going to bed to both pleasure myself and punch my pillow in fury. For both of these things, I will be thinking of Swaim.
Well, things seem to winding down, because the other bloggers are spewing inane bullshit at a higher frequency, Kate Bush is singing “The Morning Fog,” and I’ve broken out the opium pipe. All that’s left is to point out that I was the funniest tonight, put on my soiling linens in case I get so high that I soil myself (they’re brown, so they don’t show), and meet Hugh Jackman in Dreamland. Everyone be sure to read my newest article, right here on the Cracked Humor Website, tomorrow morning. If you do, I promise your favorite movie will win next year.
This entry was posted on Friday, February 20th, 2009 at 1:04 pm and is filed under Celebrities, Music, TV, Uncategorized, Video Games. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
July 28th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
How-do-you-do honestly wanted to take a minute to say I appreciate your Work
May 26th, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Ha!
You would think that they world have OK’d it at the beginning instead of allowing it to go so long without saying a thing and then bringing it back up when it was too late. I don’t understand it at all. Virility Patch RX
May 8th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Oh hugh jackman…. you can sing, dance, act, and be impossibly good looking all at the same time… obviously you had to be an ass…. dammit.
March 21st, 2009 at 1:18 pm
The “how much we gave a shit’ poster blew my mind because it happened. Crazy stuff.
At least that’s what I thought when I wrote this. I’ve probably changed my mind by now, or stopped thinking about it completely. Who really knows.
March 9th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
1 816 353 3663
I smell nigger.^^^
March 4th, 2009 at 8:39 am
I’m a million years late commenting here, but: Dan, one of your favorite songs is “At Last”? I think my heart just melted all over my insides.
February 27th, 2009 at 7:46 am
Is he the guy who’s hooking up with hot models on ___Tallloving Co m___ ? actually there’re lots sexy people there, Online chat, blogs, forums, flirtation and messages! Start an May-December romance just a click away! Whether for heat or passion, you are gonna be surprised what you might be end with!!LOL
February 26th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
@Putin’s Third Cousin Twice Removed Says:
“Swaim was so unfunny I actually had to take a break from this shit.”
Swaim is never funny , Now his hair, WHOOOOOO, that’s always funny.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:46 am
@josie
Sorry, I assumed all comedy writers were drunks.
February 26th, 2009 at 5:39 am
josie, you speak like you have never got drunk on the clock before.
my god. wait. you actually haven’t, have you.
February 25th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
A model is looking for a good man. Please reach me as cadicecc at======== C l a s s y M i n g l e . COM ==== . Please
don’t disturb me if you are not serious.
February 25th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
All the bloggers are foolish. Batman Begins was twice as good as The Dark Knight, and the people giving out the awards knew that. This was punishment to Nolan.
February 25th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Damn. This was the first time I’ve missed one of the LiveBlog’s. I didn’t watch the Oscar’s either. So I guess I don’t have anything to add except…
1,834th !!!
February 24th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
@iliketurtles..but they weren’t (getting drunk.) Think about it. They were getting paid..on the clock. They faked it. Well, I might add. Or not.
I, too, read those columnists I have history with..G-Stone and Daniel. Swaim pissed me off with the typos. I don’t know Brockway enough to get him yet. Sorry guy. Nothing personal. I actually liked to see them all off-the-cuff. On the chopping block. ‘Be Funny.’ Yikes. By and far, I am impressed with the general gunk that leaves their collective minds and is transformed into the written word. Too nice?
February 24th, 2009 at 8:20 pm
It’s nice to see that even when everyone is bickering and fighting about who the best cracked writer is, we still take time to say “I appreciate what you said, even though we disagree”
I think it’s because deep down, we know that on the other end, that guy talking shit about you talking shit about someone else is probably just another 30 year old guy sitting in his underwear contemplating whether or not 6 is too many times to masturbate in a day.
It’s nice to know where I stand.
February 24th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
So many nice people in this comment section… it’s touching.
February 24th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Swaim was so unfunny I actually had to take a break from this shit.
February 24th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
ADHD, my mums dead.
way to go.
February 24th, 2009 at 11:57 am
This made me fall in love with Swaim even more. Is it sad that I got depressed when I realized how drunk everyone was getting?
February 24th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Screw Slumdog,that fucking movie had so many loopholes to even get a D rating from me.Lame ass movie,TDK and even Wall-e were trillions times better.It seems like Hollywood is trying to suck up to the Indians,like they did years ago to the Chinese with the worst movie ever made,Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.This movie will go down as the worst movie that has been successful at the Oscars.Dammit,I fucking hate all the faggots who thought this movie was good.
February 24th, 2009 at 6:24 am
Roosterboy, i would take the energy to type out a long rebuttal about how your argument is flawed and the fact that you are a penis. Instead, i will just quote an eloquent paragraph that i feel pretty much sums up my feelings toward you. Courtesy of the wonderful cracked writers.
“Eat all the dicks. Open your bitter, miserable mouth and eat all the dicks. Stop using that mouth of yours to whine, and get started on all these dicks you need to be eating. Keep eating dicks, even at night, even on weekends. Intuition will tell you that you’ve had enough dicks, but you will be wrong: You will never have eaten enough dicks. You may complain that what you’re doing is perfectly legal, but I’d argue that I’ve never read a law that specifically prohibits force-feeding a lethal amount of dicks down someone’s throat, (though, I’ll admit, I’m almost positive there is one). You may say “I don’t care what you think, DOB,” to which I’d respond, “That’s some tough talk for someone with an acre of dicks in their mouth.”
And even when you meekly protest that they don’t measure dicks in acres, I won’t be able to hear you.
Because of all the dicks.”
February 24th, 2009 at 3:21 am
Because of the mention of Nintendo I feel compelled to say that at 25 years of age I have finally completed Super Mario Bros 3. I am fucking amazing and only a little bit sad and pitiable. Booyah bitches.
February 24th, 2009 at 2:10 am
Hugh would never have been called Hugh Jackoff at school. Here, instead of jackoff we say wank. Example:- I totally had a wank over your hot sister in the shower this morning. Just a little more Australian education for you. Oh and no one refers to us as “down under” anymore since Paul Hogan was cool. And that was 30 years ago. Seriously, what if people called you “yankees” still. I mean come on, I know you people are dumb but …… hang on. Dumb’s not that bad. You can land a job such as president of the USA even though you’re retarded. And when the people get sick of you, they can replace you with another guy with no redeeming features other than he’s black. Hallelujah! Uncle Remus has come to save us all! America! The land of the free! …. But only if you can afford it.
February 24th, 2009 at 12:51 am
Seeing as you’re probably going to qq and correct me on the “I stated as such in my comment” part of my last comment, i’ll clarify it for you now to save you hurting your pretty little head working it out later - I said that I usually find swaim’s articles to be amusing. I enjoy reading them.
This one? Not so much.
February 24th, 2009 at 12:48 am
“Swaim is by fair the best crack has”
I agree that he is, and i stated as such in my comment.
My only complaint was that his posts in this article were bloody annoying and useless, I didn’t come here with the intention of upsetting his fanboys.
Thanks for the feedback though, Mikey.
February 23rd, 2009 at 10:54 pm
Honestly Minxy, your whole post was just a big steaming pile of shit
Swaim is by fair the best crack has(sorry gladstone, it really hurts me to say that) and its ok Minxy to dislike one of the writers and express that, but they way in which you decided to do that really pisses me off, I hope swaim goes to your place of work and writes a comment on how horrible you are at flipping burgers. Maybe next time you should just sit the comments out.
February 23rd, 2009 at 10:05 pm
It’s funny what Rainer said about how he was skipping all of Brockway’s posts.
I was skipping all of SWAIM’s posts, myself.
I think it was a combination of the stupid picture that preceded all of them (you know, the one where he looks like a 12 year old, chubby, baby-faced kid in his Sunday Best, trying to be cool and grown up), and his goddamn annoying posts.
Honestly, your articles are generally amusing, but this was just a big steaming pile of shit, Swaim.
You really weren’t as funny as you thought you were, and it made me cringe to see you try so hard to be hilarious.
Perhaps you should’ve just sat this one out, especially seeing as you weren’t even watching the Oscars for most of this, which is kind of sad, considering it was what you were supposed to be writing about. Fail.
February 23rd, 2009 at 8:50 pm
I always enjoy the live blogs, though I seldom keep up with them as they’re happening or whatever.
All the posts were great. Except for Brockway. Honestly, I just started skipping over all of his sections after his third post. He reminds me of that one kid that always tries to hang out with you all through junior year. The lower classman that JUST saw that youtube video everyone thought was funny about six months ago. Or the SNL skit that came out in when we weren’t old enough to watch it. And they follow you around going “more cowbell LOL”. Actual saying “EL. OH. EL.”
Brockway reminds me of that guy.
Insulting internet comedy writers is my bag
ANONYMOUS DICKISHNESS huzzah!
February 23rd, 2009 at 8:43 pm
911 Tapes: A CHIMP IS KILLING MY FRIEND! It’s funny, coz it’s true.
http://www.tokillfor.com/view_video.php?viewkey=8f383e7e44e25305a08a&page=8&viewtype=&category=mr
February 23rd, 2009 at 6:55 pm
So, if 300 comments was anal, what do you guys get for 1800+?
February 23rd, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Tom, shut the fuck up. People like you are why we can’t have nice things.
February 23rd, 2009 at 6:17 pm
I love that there are so many references to Thomas Edison’s plagiarism throughout Cracked articles. It’s like everyone’s little inside joke.
February 23rd, 2009 at 6:06 pm
apwob, I dunno about that. Your mom thought mine was almost TOO big. But then we decided we didn’t care, and lo and behold, we had you.
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Given I adore the Oscars in any shape or form, and wasn’t able to attend the actual live blogging, I have to say it was a bonus to read all of you today after-the-fact..(skimmed for the kids I know)..
And the columnists - I question y’all’s level of sobriety; I think y’all were a lot more sober than you let on. Good acting, nonetheless. Swaim won Best Actor for his typographical errors. Very realistic.
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Alright, this has got to stop. Seriously.
I say screw Slumdog Millionaire. They gave Best Picture to a happy-ending B movie that is almost nothing like the ACTUAL life of Indian slums. I have read plenty of articles from people who have come from that life-style. Many authors say their friends from days past are either dead or still stuck in the slums. This whole “luck and destiny” thing is no dipiction of reality as many state. YES, it was NOT a bad movie by any means, but to be praised this highly. Give me a f+ing break.
This is nothing but a Disney movie, i’m sorry. Big thumbs down for the Oscars aside from Ledger who lept bounds in his role.
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:53 pm
I was already in love with you before, Swaim, but now I must have you after learning all about your love for Kate Bush music. You complete me.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Is it just me or did everything about that iCub article insinuate that they’re trying to make a robot they can molest?
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Whoa. Swaim likes himself some TV on the Radio.
Sorry, DOB, I think he’s my new favorite.
February 23rd, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Also, Swaim, you have to eat a big plate of bread and drippings for yez tea, as punishment for insulting the Motherland like that. Rule Britannia, you bloody colonials!
February 23rd, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Swaim was the funniest. I like Marmite.
February 23rd, 2009 at 1:19 pm
that was such bullshit
Rourke deserved the Oscar
February 23rd, 2009 at 1:13 pm
God. I expect stupid, unfunny tripe from the Movies section of Cracked, but this is just plain horrible. I couldn’t get halfway through the damn thing.
February 23rd, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Americans have better teeth
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Brits have bigger dicks than Americans.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:33 pm
“Our pics are ABOVE what we wrote”. A lot of us who weren’t paying close attention at the start probably made that mistake. I finally caught on like 3/4 of the way in, but that layout could use some help — even just a little gray line between a post and the next writer’s pic would help.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Michael Swaim,
You prove yourself, once again, to be the strangest, most disturbing, and subsequently the funniest bastard on the site. Did Christian Bale die in your fake Oscars? If so, I must reevaluate my crushes-on-people-I-will-never-meet. Please respond with an essay no shorter that two hundred(200) words on why you should be the new number one. “Ghoul Czar 2012″
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Dear Swaim,
Vegemite is Australian, it’s actually called marmite.
yours sincerely,
England
P.S. Long live the queen. She’s better than you. She just is.
February 23rd, 2009 at 11:29 am
this wasn’t a liveblog dipshits.
February 23rd, 2009 at 11:24 am
wow..those poor guys,many people talked about this when we chat online on tall dating site___Tallmingle. CO M___where has many humor guys and fashion girls,even hot models.
February 23rd, 2009 at 11:09 am
I didn’t write the sjp line. That was brockway. Our pics are ABOVE what we wrote.
February 23rd, 2009 at 11:08 am
I second Mopsy’s comment!
Marmite FTW.
Vegemite FTL.
It’s just not the same.
February 23rd, 2009 at 10:42 am
I agree with georgie. If there was a country that was overrepresented at the oscars, it was definitely Australia.
February 23rd, 2009 at 10:30 am
this was pretty funny, i’m glad to see someone else wanted frost nixon, and you’re right sophia loren looks rediculously old and ugly these days.
Yeah, I liked the comment about the ceremony being Hugh Jackman’s coming out party.
Also……..check out my live blog of the awards as well
February 23rd, 2009 at 10:26 am
I can’t imagine Jackman as wolverine now. Gayverine.
February 23rd, 2009 at 10:21 am
Swaim,
I would rather eat 100 servings of my native British stodgy and pretty gross meals than one single American lunch cooked by the bizzarely popular chef Ronald McDonald.
February 23rd, 2009 at 9:56 am
replace
<em>The Reader</em.
with
<em>The Reader</em>
February 23rd, 2009 at 9:54 am
replace
The Reader</em.
with
The Reader
February 23rd, 2009 at 9:48 am
Did anyone else think it was a little odd that Heath Ledger’s family was seated so freakin’ far from the stage?! I have never seen that before in my life. Many comedians have noted how you always know who is going to win, because they are right next to the aisle and close to the stage. His family was buried in the middle of the theater. I found that to be very inconsiderate.
Also, did anyone else catch Alan Arkin calling him “Seymour Phillip Hoffman?” You could see Hoffman desperately trying to keep his cool and not crack up or look too agitated.
February 23rd, 2009 at 9:40 am
“…Parker who looks like somebody microwaved Barbara Streisand.”
I just read that and potentially shat myself laughing. GJ Gladstone. I was wondering if all of the females in the world were crazy when they went on about how beautiful she was, now I know that they are.
February 23rd, 2009 at 9:33 am
I had to work last night and didn’t get to watch the awards so I totally owe you guys a hand job for filling me in on the haps. I just have one thing to say. Hugh Jackman can dance and sing all over me anytime he wants. Gay? Who cares?!?! If I was a guy I’d be gay just for him! Matter of fact all night tonight at work I’ll be fantasizing about bending him over and boning him with a strap-on through those awful fucking golden pantaloons. *drool*
February 23rd, 2009 at 9:24 am
Why so serious, TDK fans?
Slumdog, FTW!!
Although, Ledger is megacool, if he was alive i’d get all brokeback mountain with him. It would be very weird, but worth it.
February 23rd, 2009 at 9:14 am
The Dark Knight may not haven won a Best Picture Oscar, but it sure won the best picture prize… from my heart.
February 23rd, 2009 at 9:11 am
I heard Ledger is being cast as Grim for “the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy” movie.
And no, Ledger did not deserve the oscar he got, he only got it 1)because he is dead 2) beacuse a bunch of australians died in a fire and that’s why these were the australian oscars (they have black oscars, jewish oscars,etc).
February 23rd, 2009 at 7:37 am
Odium: You are a retard.
February 23rd, 2009 at 7:14 am
The Unknown: Y’mean Christian Bale still has any dignity after mouthing off at that gofer on set?
Katie: You must really loath Tori Amos then.
February 23rd, 2009 at 6:16 am
After that tirade against England…
Swaim is a weiner!
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:51 am
Swain wins this one.
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:44 am
wrongface is a pretty weak and confusing insult.
I was trying to not be harsh because you’re mostly funny.
although kate bush is full of shit. take yourself too seriously much?
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:39 am
um, the short circuit movies didn’t suck…wrongface.
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:40 am
Considering the dismal state of this year’s Oscars, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Christian Bale’s value of his dignity sadly prevented him from going anywhere near the whole thing.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:52 am
I too managed to get drunk for the oscars.
And Swaim? You are endlessly entertaining to my drunkass.
February 23rd, 2009 at 2:00 am
Don’t worry, you did
February 23rd, 2009 at 2:00 am
Oh, there was an award or something? Did i miss something? I thought I had randomly happened on a breeding-ground of internet mindlessness, oh my
February 23rd, 2009 at 1:45 am
At least Heath Ledger got best supporting actor - that’s something.
February 23rd, 2009 at 1:44 am
i’m not even going to bother to read through this to know you bastards soooo had a field day with Sophia Loren.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:50 am
@Crack-o-dile
Or we could kill him, and then give Mickey his award
On second thought, get one for Christian Bale, steal one from Slumdog, they won 40, don’t want to look like a “Fucking Amateur”
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:39 am
@Noel: No
@Tartra and LDG: you guys are forgetting what the comments are for. Bitching about slumdog millionaire and making threats on sean penn’s life.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:35 am
Next Liveblog: The Funeral of Sean Penn-Bludgeoned to Death by a Drunken Haggard-Looking Mickey Rourke.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:33 am
@LDG
My heart is broken. Now I leave to cry.
Good night everyone! Great commenting and I’ll see you all at the next liveblog!
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:33 am
Anyone else still up?
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:32 am
There’s only three of us left … let’s take it to 2000 comments! Who’s with me?! No one … ah fuck you .. I’m going to bed …
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:31 am
Tarta … that’s no excuse … anyone else watching the live red carpet coverage … adrien brody just threw up the peace sign … douchy … sooooo douchy …
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:30 am
i think gladstone is dead
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:29 am
@LDG
You, ma’am, have just earned yourself an apology. In my defense, the internet is pretty gender blind. :S
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:28 am
That’s no excuse.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:27 am
G-Stone said his last one was pretty final, just facebook IMed him
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:25 am
Tarta - Stop calling me sir … and dude … I have a vagina … and not the way sean penn has a vagina … I don’t actually know what that means I just really hate sean penn … so much so I’m no longer capitalizing his name …
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:23 am
@Shoe
I’m to take it that, according to your comment, DOB had sex with your girlfriend. Don’t worry. That’s a natural thing. The most you’ll have to put up with is ultra-chlamydia. There is no cure.
@LDG
You, sir, have become a robot. You are now more awesome than before. Use your power wisely.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:20 am
@ EddieBrock412
You and me both brother . . . you and me both
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:19 am
Once Gladstone gives his final thoughts, and the liveblog truly ends, I will once again be alone, at 12:30 am, with severe insomnia. I should open up something involving Japanese schoolgirls and tentacles in a new tab, so I can quickly get to my usual nightly activities.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:17 am
Just wanted to stop in and let you guys at Cracked know that I blame you for the fact that my girlfriend’s parents never, ever let her go out and our relationship will more than likely end over it.
I’m lookin at you, DOB.
Fuck you.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:17 am
Tarta … bring it on … bring … it … on … after tonight’s ceremony I already fell no pain or emotion …
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:17 am
I’m not leaving ’til Gladstone puts up his final thoughts but the comments are slowing down and to tell you the truth I need a shower
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:15 am
Watchmen is going to rule … or it better … and NOEL make sure you hit Sean Penn extra hard for me with that shovel
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:14 am
@ Crack-o-dile
I’m not making any assumptions on watchmen yet. There isn’t as much hype as TDK which may be a good thing but we’ll know for sure in a couple weeks.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:13 am
C-C-C-COMMENT DOMINATION!!
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:13 am
@crack-o
dude your so right and i am allready pissed about it
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:12 am
@Brockway
You’ve earned more love tonight than anyone else.
@DOB
You need no flattery.
@Gladstone
Your final thoughts are late. Tsk, tsk.
To the People that Will Read This:
@J-Pappi
What can I say? I give what I can give. If anyone’s interested, I have a few more orifices up for bid.
@LDG
I think I saw someone act it out but I’m not sure who it was. The guy I saw wasn’t funny. If I search for James Lipton’s version and it turns out to be the same guy, I lose all faith in humanity. That’s on your head. PRESSURE PRESSURE PRESSURE.
@EddieBrock412
My heart was warmed at the acknowledgment of my acknowledgment.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:11 am
Thanks everyone for not making this suck dick
I honestly was going to murder my neighbor if The Wrestler or TDK didn’t win anything. Now, I’m just going to beat him with a shovel. Did I mention my neighbors names are Sean Penn and Dev Patel?
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:11 am
i think the real winners this year are anyone who made it through the ceremony without throwing up, committing suicide, or breaking their tv.
For a preview of next year’s liveblog comments, just replace any where you see “the dark Knight” with “the watchmen”.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:10 am
someone get on facebook and tell gladstone it’s his turn for final thoughts.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:09 am
Everyone get your votes in to see who won the live blogging
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:09 am
Well that was a disappointment. Thanks to all you fine folks for making it less shitty.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:08 am
no worries, Swaim, I read all the Cracked Articles. I like to think of the Cracked writers as my personal friends. I’m a very lonely person. My heart was warmed when Tartra acknowledged me.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:08 am
@Sloth-the dark knight was the best movie there, go fuck your entire family (including your pets and television sets)
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:07 am
Well there goes my night . . . for my sake I’m gonna end this on a good note and pleasure myself til i fall asleep, just like the rest of you
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:06 am
Tartra, you are forgiven your screen-hogging. Mainly because you donated your vagina to charity; the self-sacrifice brought a tear to my eye.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:06 am
Tarta - I have … did you see James Lipton act it out?
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:05 am
i take back my last comment. there was a mistake with the awards.
the Best Picture of the Year ACTUALLY goes to…
http://s121.photobucket.com/albums/o217/jhsiess/?action=view¤t=RayCharles.png
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:05 am
too early for Heath Ledger joke?
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:05 am
Brockway you may be the first person i’ve ever seen to drop a Girl Talk reference. kudos
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:05 am
@abbzey
No, but I am going to listen to it now.
@Sloth
I retract my hate and give you love. LOVE. For the RDJ part. I don’t exactly agree with you about TDK.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:04 am
Stop……Quagmar if thats true HOLY FUCK
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:04 am
did that bitch from ‘The Motherhood’ advert really just rip off a southpark joke about parenting being like ‘Th Dog Whisperer’? Is anyone else still watching this shit on ABC?
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:03 am
Thank (insert appropriate deity here) this blog was going on, or that REALLY would have been a waste of time. I can’t believe I just typed that.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:03 am
Tartra; not at all. RDJ > Ledger, just like Rourke > Milk.
Man, no Oscars for The Wrestler is a fucking travesty. TDK won two, and that movie was a steaming, hackneyed turd.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:02 am
Omg … best part of the evening .. the fucking disclaimer basically saying “sorry we fucked up and didn’t award this to the people who should have won” … aka dark knight …
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:02 am
@tartra: did you hear the christian bale vs. peter griffin version? hilarity.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:02 am
Slumdog Millionaire has as many Oscars as Casablanca, The Godfather, and Citizen Kane combined.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:02 am
alright everyone i bid you all adue and good night…talk to you later g stone, and swaim go make another intenet gathering party brockway keep up the good posts as well as you DOB
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:01 am
Is Sean Penn Borimer or Peppin? Merri? who the fuck am I thinking of right now? Did Christian Bale shoot him in Equilibrium?
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:01 am
@LDG
Christian Bale wins the life award. Did you hear that remix someone made of his rant? AWESOME. AWESOME, AWESOME, AWESOME.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:01 am
FINAL THOUGHTS still to come
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:00 am
@Everyone
Well, I’ve sort of dominated the comments already, but I’m gonna stick around for a little bit longer until everyone kind of takes off. Don’t wanna miss anything important.
And then it’s back to DOB’s latest article to continue our flame war on racism! WHOOOOOO!!!
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:00 am
i refuse to watch movies about people who put punctuation marks between their eyes
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:00 am
is that a disclaimer about the dark knight?
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:00 am
and the Best Picture of the Year goes to….. http://www.engrish.com/2008/10/or-you-could-use-the-door-on-the-right/
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:59 pm
“D) Mickey Rourke should have one not that pretentious asshole Sean Penn. Oh yeah and It was written, all that shit.”
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:59 pm
Again I say that I have no idea what going on outside of the Liveblog. Not sure if the Hugh Jackman stuff is exaggeratted. Not sure if I spelled exaggeratted right.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:59 pm
man i saw all those movies and i think the right one won.
slutho jizzionaire, ass milk, frost on nixon (money shots on pictures of cinthia nixon), the curious hole of vagina button, and the breeder
oh wait i think this is the oscar blog. u guys actually talkin about oscars. wow you are gay, gayer than ass milk
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:59 pm
Is Robin Williams doing another movie?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:58 pm
hear hear mr swaim
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:58 pm
Well it’s been nice spending the really shitty Oscars with you all.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:58 pm
Best Picture of 2009 Terminator: Salvation?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:58 pm
Twilight is gonna win next year … oh man fucking FAME? … yes go terminator … Christian Bale better win for something … scratch that night at the museum 2 is gonna win best picture …
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:58 pm
@Sloth
I’m not… entirely sure what you said. I think you insulted RDJ, though. For that, I hate you.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:58 pm
Duh, summer doesn’t HAVE 500 days!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:57 pm
I saw RDJ. Twice. Three times. OMGOMGOMG, I’m in sexy heaven.
@splainintodo
But wouldn’t that be awesome? The Life and Times of Bob Hope? And the years they tied him to string and made him do the show after he died?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:57 pm
so what else is on. now any ideas. watch a sex movie, play x-box, call girl friend and talk about sweet things
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:57 pm
What the shitting fuck? Ledger gets a ’sorry you killed yourself like a fucking retard’ pity-oscar for playing a clown with cotton-mouth in a movie that featured the most retarded dialouge since X-men 2: 2X, 2Men, beating out the clearly better-in-every-way RJD. Yet Rourke gives the fucking performance of the goddamned century and he’s passed over for Sean fucking Penn?
Did those limp-wristed academy hacks even bother to watch The Wrestler? Fuck all of them sideways.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:56 pm
best picture of 2008 is …. The Dark Fuckin Knight. We all know it. danny Boyle knows it. Sean Penn knows. fuck face from twighlight knows it.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:56 pm
Well i’m off to Elton John’s afterparty later
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:56 pm
Fuck
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:56 pm
IT’S OVER???? IT’S OVER?????????
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:55 pm
cuntmuscle millionaire won?
mother fuck the homeland. i didnt even see that movie, how could it get an award?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:55 pm
Oh eff this. Next year, THE PRICE IS RIGHT THE MOTION PICTURE has a shot now.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:54 pm
Damn those Indians and the indian reservations we gave them. Is Slumdog Millionaire about a casino?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:54 pm
I hope theres massive backlash for this bullshit of an Oscars
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:54 pm
ditto @theHeadcase
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:54 pm
Noel, I can only hope. Shit would be awesome.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:54 pm
Ah, cats. makes sense, less resistance and terribly pointy penises. sounds like its right down his alley.
everyone remember to spay or neuter your cats, or else you run the risk of having miniature cracked columnists running around your neighborhood.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:54 pm
i ran out of curse words to replace slumdog millionaire dammit
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:54 pm
Time zone differences leave me unsure of when updates will happen. Further confusion comes from Diabetic Hypoglycemia. Should eat, but that would mean leaving the computer.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:54 pm
Tarta - Hold me …
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:54 pm
Go figure, all the Indians do the work, and the white guy accepts the award. Colonialism anyone?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:54 pm
just like indian theirs a billion people on stage
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:54 pm
I’m really tired of Slumdog Millionare. If I do watch it I better orgasm so hard that I burn a hole in my jeans.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:53 pm
slumdog? fuck
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:53 pm
Mickey Rourke is going to kill Sean Penn with an axe after the show
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:53 pm
Blumpkin-log skin-molehair again
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:53 pm
Not thrilled, but at least Milk didn’t win.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:53 pm
slum dog millionaire. what a surprise
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:53 pm
what a shocker.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:53 pm
@LDG
Sorry, dude.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:53 pm
look at all the indians onstage. QUICK SOMEONE MAKE A JOKE ABOUT ALL THE EMPTY CALLCENTERS RIGHT NOW.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:53 pm
At least it wasn’t Milk.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:52 pm
I’m calling slumdog
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:52 pm
THE OSCARS ARE FIXED THIS IS BULLSHIT
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:52 pm
PEDOSMILE!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:52 pm
Did they just compare Milk to Braveheart?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:52 pm
@half-on
I heard he likes cats now. Anyway, I’m ON it.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:52 pm
Oh Bullshit. Everyone knows The Dark Knight won.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:51 pm
That brief clip of “Braveheart” smashed between scenes from “Milk” was the funniest moment of the night.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:51 pm
please stop sneaking in exorcist level clips into the best picture movie clips!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:51 pm
Side note .. 12 angry men was a fucking good movie … please any movie but slumdog or milk needs to win … milk only cause sean penn is such a douchebag …
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:51 pm
@Tartra,
get a horse costue, present yourself, and brockway will be there in a flash. but prepare for some pain
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:51 pm
@CoMa7oSe
Jaws theme? Jaws theme. Next time, it’s the Jaws theme. And they’ll have him approach a picture of Indiana Jones.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:50 pm
these best picture mashups are the stupidest things ever. shameful. did i just see frodo cry as nixon yelled at frost? i think i did. wtf.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:50 pm
@Darkwolf
Ohhh, okay. Thanks
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:49 pm
At least they’re actually showing clips from the movies
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:49 pm
@Brockway
Will you please acknowledge my love for you? I don’t know how many other ways I can express it.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:49 pm
If they had made a movie about gay Indians, they wouldn’t have even needed to hold the Oscars this year. At least Penn acknowledged who it should have gone to.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:49 pm
really? ‘The Lost World’ theme? That’s the best they could get for Spielburg?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:48 pm
@ Tartra, that’s the gay guy who was the editor or something for Milk.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:48 pm
not until this very moment did I realize how exactly like his South Park incarnation Steven Spielberg is
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:48 pm
Who else found Mickey Rourke’s sideways mullet delightful?
Be honest.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:48 pm
sean penn is is really kinda ugly so he better be a good actor
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:47 pm
SON OF A FUCKING BITCH
MICKEY ROURKE HAD TO WIN
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:47 pm
@Quagmar
I completely forgot about him. But speak of the Australian…
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:47 pm
Anyone else wanted to see De Niro drop kick Penn for tarnishing his award?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:47 pm
Annnnnd the Jackattack is back.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:47 pm
How much of a fuck-up do you have to be for everyone in Hollywood to feel sorry for you? (Rourke)
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:47 pm
@ osiris hahah
Penn thank you for telling me how to feel…. dickweed
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:47 pm
Is Penn planning on marrying James Franco?
Give Rourke the oscar, you’ve already got one Penn.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:47 pm
DOB has it occured to you that you’ve only made brief appearances in 2 Cracked videos, and one was a Background gag? considering your written awesomeness, I’m curious about your in-person awesomeness.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:47 pm
Mickey Rourke should have won that shit.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:47 pm
@ swain
I suggest a steak and kidney pie washed down with a pint of warm stout.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:47 pm
“your out of toilet paper!”
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:47 pm
tartra
thats sean penn and dob’s love child
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:46 pm
YAY YAY YAY YAY!!
SEAN PENN IS PUSHING HIS POLITICAL AGENDA!!
Who is that wobbly red-haired kid they keep flicking to? Is it Penn’s kid or something? He looks like he’s about to cry.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:46 pm
Did he just call Obama gay, or the blacks elegant?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:46 pm
WTF The Wrestler had nice tits in
Milk had gay guys nothing wrong with that but
no tits
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:46 pm
Did the Wolverine Signal show up in the California sky? Has Jackman been gone for almost two hours now?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:46 pm
Can’t have Sean Penn without politics
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:46 pm
i’m just happy i’m hearing an american give an acceptance speech.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:46 pm
Wow! did you all hear that? Milk 2 is under way!!!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:45 pm
And lo the shame will continue
until the seventh generation
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:45 pm
DOB,
i will donate my lifes work to that charity, in hopes that one day that SMALL charity may have the opportunity to GROW into a LARGE profitable organization.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:45 pm
there is a very heavy cloud of smug forming over los angeles right now
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:45 pm
yes mcdoogle i did
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:45 pm
Apparently Headcase Arollagay and I are all on the same queer wavelength.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:45 pm
Whoa. has Penn been mainlining coke and sean penn movies all month?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:45 pm
mickey rourke is so cool, i wish he won..
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:45 pm
Everyone get out your kleenexes, Sean Penn is here to masturbate himself for as long as people will listen.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:45 pm
ahahhaha!! And now he’s insulting people instead of properly thanking them! What a refreshing twist on the classic acceptance of Oscar awards! DAMN THIS GUY DESERVES HIS LITTLE GOLDEN MAN.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:45 pm
comi homo loving sons of guns
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:44 pm
@Iantendo, Yeah, i got to give it to your man Boyle, some good stuff and bringing home the gold for all you snaggle-toothed ale-drinkers… At least I’ll have a proper cup of coffee tomorrow (today) before work, innit?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:44 pm
Thats the gayest pick ever…….ZING!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:44 pm
did you see that indian guy with buck teeth
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:44 pm
RUN CAMERAMAN!! RUNNNNNNNNN! HE THINKS YOURE A PAPARAZZI!!!!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:44 pm
The best part was the guy from Twilight breathing heavily over Rourke’s shoulder.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:44 pm
I want some milk!
My coffee grows cold
I want some milk!
I should’ve been told
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:44 pm
… now for the douchiest speech in history …
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:43 pm
The gay guy from twilight sat behind Rourke. Mickey should bite him just for taking up camera space.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:43 pm
penn is a fuckwad i bet he goes on a tirade
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:43 pm
I think twilight Ed was planning to bite Mickey Rourke.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:43 pm
Ironic that Mickey Rourke, the Wrestler, got screwed over
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:43 pm
C’mon Bruce, NOW NOW NOW!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:43 pm
Ben Kingsley is a man with very flexible acting talents. I am unsure how I would react to him in real life. I’d possibly fear him.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:43 pm
What did I tell you?!
GAY Agenda.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:43 pm
SPICOLI FTW
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:43 pm
WHOOO! DAIRY PRODUCTS WIN AGAIN!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:43 pm
spicoli wins!!!!!!!!!! awesome! tottally awesome!!11
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:43 pm
Mickey Rourke is sucking percoset out of his finger
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:43 pm
@Darkwolf
no one likes who sean penn has become, but if i could make one character from a rat pack movie come to real life it would be jeff spiccoli. sean penn should have never grown up into the morbidly-depressing, desperately-artistic actor that he is
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:42 pm
Is that Lost’s Charles Widmore talking to Brad Pitt? Now the whole show makes sense! The island makes you age backwards.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:42 pm
That is fucking ridiculous. Rourke should get up on stage and start giving his speech anyway Derek Zoolander style
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:42 pm
@DOB
I will donate to that charity. With my vagina.
Wow, that was so wonderfully inappropriate, I don’t know if I should feel ashamed for acknowledging its inappropriateness and posting it anyway or not.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:42 pm
oh god, they managed to include the vampire kid in the mickey rourke shot
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:42 pm
ASS MILK WINS!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:42 pm
@ DOB:
I can only say how your wiener fits in me– which is to say “tightly”.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:42 pm
DeNiro is a very sexy old man
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Deniro and penn are totally gonna make out after.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:41 pm
The combined attractiveness of the actors is actually more than the actresses. That’s messed up.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Mickey Rourke looks like he’s undressing you with his eyes when he looks at you, into that camera.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Next year they should just blow the nominees … ooo brad pitt … I’d get on my knees for you … I still think Heath Ledger is winning this one … it’s the twist Hugh Jackman promised …. I’m still waiting …
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:41 pm
why does adrien brody look like an art teacher?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Geez. I can’t believe Adrien Brody is still alive. Heath Leger kicks the bucket but THIS guy gets to stick around? Anyone else recognize his resemblance to Screech?
@EddieBrock412
Your name sounds so familiar… I know I’ve seen you posting on someone’s articles before. Good to see you again, dude.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:41 pm
de niro looks damn good for an old dude.
is adrian brody homeless?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:40 pm
i googled richard jenkins
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:40 pm
Sean Penn has a steroids head
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:40 pm
Who would win a badass-off between Michael Douglas and Robert De Niro?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:40 pm
WTF is adrian brody doing a jesus?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:40 pm
I don’t like Sean Penn. Thought you would all like to know. I’m calling the winner is whoever Ben Kingsley announces
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:39 pm
Thats a shitload of wax in Adriens hair.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:39 pm
have finished catching up to the current posts. Keeping myself entertained by imagining I’m real-life friends with DOB. He’s fun, and every one of his Cracked articles and blogs actually happenned.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:39 pm
Holy crap De Niro looks old.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:39 pm
AHAHAHAHHA!!! Robert DeNiro made a joke. LAUGH OR YOU WILL PERISH.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:39 pm
is it just me or are the commenters also getting increasingly drunk. also fuck cockslam whorianaire? (spellcheck?)
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:39 pm
best actor goes to…… my nuts for Putting Up With This Shit!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:39 pm
Anthony Hopkins and Ben Kingsley BFF forever
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:38 pm
i could have sworn that kate winslet said “fuck you very much” at the end of the speech
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:38 pm
@Tartra - True, I was as surprised as shit that he did not.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:38 pm
I’m convinced Jack Nicholson is not a real person, but rather a character from the world of “Make-Believe Friends” who escaped through a dimensional tear during the Great Imagination War.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:38 pm
Ha ha, pianist.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:37 pm
“Nixon” looks like a very pale, very bald gorilla.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:37 pm
@Swaim
I’m not British, but go eat some Spotted Dick. It’s delicious, apparently, but the punishment is undoubtedly telling people what you just put in your mouth.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:37 pm
Prepare for Mickey Rourke’s win, they will tape delay three hours, and he will shoot up halfway through. “I can quit whenever I want”
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:36 pm
Whoa, was that a brando clip?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:36 pm
@NoLie
me and my roommates were just arguing over whether she said fuck you so much or not
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:36 pm
Please tell they didn’t just show Jack Nicholson skipping?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:36 pm
@LDG
*unites*
DUDE!! I just saw the guy that played Barbossa!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:36 pm
Oh no! Penelope Cruz is the undead communists’ leader?!? Why won’t Hugh Jackman save us!?! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:36 pm
I thought she just said fuck you, so much. I don’t know why exactly, but her whole speech was really erotic.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:36 pm
I’d like to think that whistle was one of the actors (robert downey jr, probably) just fucking with her
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:35 pm
Meryl Streep wanted to choke kate with her bare pussy.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:35 pm
Well I don’t hate Kate Winslet so I can’t say anything bad about her … and Angelina Jolie is looking fuckable again … so yay …
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:35 pm
@splainintodo
Never saw it. Apparently, however, Jim Carrey did NOT suck in that one.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:35 pm
The only thing that can save this oscars is mickey rourke giving us a really awkward, really awesome speech
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:35 pm
wetmares sounds more like one of DOB’s routine practices of beastiality than a wet dream gone bad. then again, maybe theyre one in the same
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:35 pm
whats on adult swim right now?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Now can we get on with Batman for best actor as Bruce Wayne. (not Christian Bale, Batman)
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:34 pm
And then I shoved it up my…
wait, what? where am I? WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING IN MY BTHROOM???
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Jack the Ripper????
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Half-on … oh man I was wrong! First time tonight too and I agree with you … Swaim is one hell of a woman .. but he ain’t no Gladstone …(gladstoners unite!)
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:34 pm
She was great in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I’ll give her that.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:34 pm
@Gladstone
Oh, G-Stone. The mental images you create are both astonishing and mind-rapingly traumatizing.
Ahahah! Her daddy whistled.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:34 pm
this is my on;y link to the oscars
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:34 pm
I think Sophia Lauren’s left ear fell into Kate Winslet’s dress when they hugged.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:33 pm
Best threesome ever: me, Kate Winslet, Kate Hudson.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:33 pm
KATE WINSLET i have no joke to type
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:33 pm
Someone get her a paper bag
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:33 pm
Kate is jerking off the Oscar.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:33 pm
is that a ring pop on jolies finger?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:33 pm
and the oscar goes to…jolie for Best Fake photoshopped nudes!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:33 pm
who are those assholes who waved who weren’t Kate’s dad when she was trying to find him?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:32 pm
Meryl Streep did not get her award.
Someone is going to DIE.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:32 pm
What do Angelina and Nicole have in common?
Tom Cruise never touched either of them.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:32 pm
i nominate that chick on the far left to replace Heath ledger in the next batman movie. they’ll save a shit load on make up.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:32 pm
This is absolutely painful to watch.
These women are weepy bitches, just present the shit and move on
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:32 pm
Mark my words: one day, Jolie’s lips will take over the world.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:32 pm
Why can’t they just show clips from the respective films and be done with it?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:32 pm
boyle deserved it for trainspotting. Nolan should own it this year.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:31 pm
Sophia is damn good looking, she is her her 70’s for crying out loud!
Nicole Kidman looks foxy again
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:31 pm
Sofia Loren looks like Lucille Bluth after she got a facelift
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:31 pm
Why do they have a guy introducing Meryl Streep?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:31 pm
There’s a large bone covered in fake tan and wrapped in an old banana peel on my tv now. WTF?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:31 pm
Holy shit…. LAY OFF THE SPRAY TAN!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:31 pm
is a zombie praising meryl streep?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:31 pm
Sophia Lauren could be body double for the crypt keeper.
Fuck, she can’t even blink from all the plastic surgery and
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:30 pm
holy shit. who stretched that leather bag over her face? What the fuck? is that human?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:30 pm
Who’s this old bitch talking right now? Talking to my precious Meryl? Shut your mouth, you old hag!! Go have more drugs!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:30 pm
HOLY SHITFLAPS! It lookes like they glued together Sophia Loren!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:30 pm
@LDG (and Swaim)
I think swaim’s miraculous performance as “Lolita” which led to his success in convincing Brockway to bring him home and pamper him with adult diapers and chocolate covered dog biscuits should win best actress. That man was one hell of a woman.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:30 pm
holy fuck that one actor doing meryl streep looks like a fucking corpse
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:30 pm
loren is terrifying. and drunk.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:30 pm
wow halle barry managed to make this about her thats a new time record folks.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:30 pm
Who let my old leather wallet present an award?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:30 pm
ex tra or di nary?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:30 pm
goddammit brockway. I thought I’d repressed sunshine…
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:30 pm
and the best actreess goes to…eddie murphy in Fuck This Stupid Shit!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:29 pm
Since when did introducing the award nominees become ten minutes of brown nosing? You guys can swap sob stories and saliva later, but just announce the names and the winner and get off.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:29 pm
sophia belongs in Thunderdome
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:29 pm
Kate Winslet looks mannish, but I would fuck her anyway. Anne Hathaway is retarded, but I would fuck her anyway.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:29 pm
Coming Next month:
Anne Hathaway sings the greats!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:29 pm
Show your tits Halle.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:29 pm
there will be tears, in this acceptance speech
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:28 pm
Instead of giving the musical numbers an appropriate amount of time they added all these 5 actress blocks that make me vomit.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:28 pm
I think Heath Ledger in drag as the nurse should win best actress …
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:28 pm
so has anybody else noticed that it is last years winner that announces this year’s?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:28 pm
@Brockway
Have more love. And thank you for unintentionally answering my question about the zombies.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:28 pm
aww, anne hathaway is crying! i just love her!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:28 pm
JUST FUCKING CRY BITCH!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:28 pm
@frustrated
yeah and it was a Japanese dude that won it for you!
at least our lot are winning in all their emotionally repressed, bad toothed glory!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:28 pm
All this anger that I’ve built up over Slumdog winning everything in this god damn shame of an oscar ceremony is going to be taken out on my girlfriends butthole.
And Brockway you win tonight.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:28 pm
I just want to see Nicole Kidmans penis…
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:28 pm
Anne Hathaway,
You’re an amazing example because you openly admitted you like anal
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:27 pm
DOBDOBDOBDOB!!!
ANNE HATHAWAY!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:27 pm
old, old, do her, do her, meh
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:27 pm
NASA is currently converting Slumdog Millionaire into binary so it may be transmitted into outer space in the hopes of communicating with aliens that wear ornate clothing.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:26 pm
what happend to hally’s tits?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:26 pm
Oh my God! Michael Biehn was just viciously gunned down by the renegade Marines that are holding hostages on Alcatraz Island. I hope Kal-El Sr. can save them by neutralizing the chemical rockets.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:26 pm
oh god not hally berry, on the plus side, wait there is no plus side
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:26 pm
There shouldn’t be Oscars for women.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:26 pm
@LANTENDO: I knew it! Listen limey, we one the little short film no one knows about category, the Little Cube House on the Prairie or some such rot…
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:26 pm
@Whoopi is hilarious
the Headcase is right. I didn’t see it. That won’t stop me from criticizing it, though.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:26 pm
At least the hotness factor here is higher than previously established
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:25 pm
haha, it’s the dumb bitch montage!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:25 pm
hyundai,hyundai,hyundai,hyundai
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:25 pm
28 days later. zach snyder did the dawn of the dead remake
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:25 pm
Whoopi is hilarious, you don’t understand. Jesus Christ’s “Greatest Movie Ever” could be cleaning up right now, and everyone would be bitching
It’s the nature of the beast
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:25 pm
brad pitt, meryl streep, slumdog millionaire
those are my pessimistic predictions
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:25 pm
D)It is fate
Why Slumdog Millionaire is going to win Best Picture.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:24 pm
Whoopi,
I agree with you Slumdog was awesome! Plus Danny Boyle gave us Trainspotting
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:24 pm
thats because your dick is apparently an oscar, DOB, and that sadly is something that will never be compatable with swaim.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:24 pm
holy shit, is the deaf chick blind as well? what the fuck was she wearing?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:24 pm
Hindu Revolution!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:24 pm
@sick_boy
Are you serious? The new Dawn of the Dead or 28 Days Later?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:24 pm
I might as well say to hell with it and call it at this. Slumdog is gonna get Best Picture too.
Sighh…I’ve wasted my life…oh wait…no.
I have no life to waste really.
ON WITH THE SHOW!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:24 pm
Finally, England has found something we can actually win at!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:23 pm
@ Whoopi is hilarious
It’s not that you’re the only one that liked it, you’re just one of the only people here that actually saw it. Just saying our opinions really shouldn’t bother you that much
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:23 pm
DOB!! DOB!! DOB!! DOB!! HEY!! LISTEN TO ME!!!
Are you reading these comments? I’m not going to bother trying to condole you over the horrible, horrible snub the Oscars are giving TDK unless you’re actually paying attention.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:23 pm
They’re gonna find a way to snub Mickey Rourke by giving best actor to that Indian kid even though he sn’t nominated. This shit is getting absurd.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:23 pm
Why is The Dude doing voiceovers for Hyundai? What a sellout
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:23 pm
slum fuck wins best director and nolan isnt even nominated. thats whats wrong with this country.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:23 pm
JAI-HO!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:22 pm
I thought I would never say this: MICKEY ROURKE, SAVE US!!!!!!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:22 pm
oh danny BOOOOYYYYYYYYYY!
that’s currently on a loop in my head.
thank you, oscars.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:22 pm
Am I the only one here who liked Slumdog Millionaire? I actually think it was the best movie of 2008.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:22 pm
He should thank the prostitute he’s banging … no one thanks the whores of the world … unsung heroes .. just saying …
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:22 pm
Danny Boyle, the same guy who gave us fast zombies
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:21 pm
I’m going to keep on rambling like a drunk lunatic and say that THE OSCARS ARE FIXED!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:21 pm
How many awards for slumdog is that now? The souls of 300 unborn children? What’s the conversion factor?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:21 pm
Danny Boyle just channelled the spirit of tigger from winnie the pooh
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:21 pm
I remember my first line of coke
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:21 pm
OH what a surpise!
At least Ron Howard can go to hell this year.
That’s what he gets for cleaning up with A Beautiful Mind.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:21 pm
sweet mother of god slumdog millionaire is robbing us blind
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Danny Boyle won. What the hell was his significance again? I didn’t care enough to pay attention.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Danny Boyle thinks he’s Tigger?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Jesus, Danny Boyle looks like a bag of terror. I always imagined him being a young, English David Fincher
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Oh what a twist ….did not see that coming, I have to admit.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:20 pm
OMG I WAS RIGHT … AGAIN … amazing! I must be fucking psychic …
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Tranny Spoyle wins for cockdog gagionaire
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Awwww! Reese’s Pieces had a joke and sucked but then it got better! Hooray! She saved herself.
She’s hideous without make-up. It’s okay, I’m a woman. I’m allowed to criticize. Any guys agree with me and you’re sexist.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Why is it such a big deal that Jimmy Kimmel is getting Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise to do something crazy. Those two are already bat-shit insane, they do crazy stuff every other day
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:19 pm
finally SDM wins an oscar it actually deserves
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:19 pm
Swaim,
You are a drunk god
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:19 pm
If this thing hits 2000 comments, everyone wins 2 free tacos!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:19 pm
Did reese witherspoon just call ben stiller a douche, awesome
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:19 pm
blah blah slum dog wins … get it over with … it wins everything …
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:19 pm
Reese’s eyes shadow is too match-y match-y it’s freaking me out.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:19 pm
Sid Gaines huh?
You the one we need to see about delivering the ass-kicking for TDK’s snub?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:19 pm
Thanks Reese, for explaining what a Director is like for all us plain old country folks.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:19 pm
The Duce, the communist dictator….
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:19 pm
I hope Reese Witherspoon pulls a Blink-182 and makes the surprise announcement that she will make “Legally Blonde 3″.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:19 pm
Ahahah! I completely forgot Hugh Jackman was Australian until now. That’s as bad as the Taken/BB Raz A Ghoul (or whatever) connection.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:19 pm
The best thing i’ve seen so far tonight is a Hundai commercial that i believe is implying that Japan and Germany are reuniting the axis powers
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:18 pm
… and the guy responsible for all this shit … yes sir take a bow ….
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:18 pm
@Frustrated
Yep I’m from Britain, and getting increasingly frustrated at Swaim’s comments…. you used to be cool, man
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:18 pm
Yea i dont see the attraction to Hathaway.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:18 pm
I have your pants Swaim.
How much are you willing to pay to ge them back?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:17 pm
Very minimalist comment, Swaim.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:17 pm
Ledger was on last year’s croak roll.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:17 pm
i think the name of this article should be changed from, “The Cracked Columnists Ruin the Oscars!”, to “The Oscars Ruin the Oscars!”
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:17 pm
@Gladstone
You’re chatting on Facebook too??? Is there anyrhing you can’t do, Gladstone?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:17 pm
Yea half-on, Swaim’s just trying to add suspense
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:17 pm
Is the beer called “Natural Light” because it has a neutral carbon footprint?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:17 pm
man i only reconized some of the people who passed….stan winston, issac hays,bernie mac,paul newman roy schinder and a few others
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:17 pm
Isaac hayes shouldve gotten a bigger ovation
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:16 pm
Great, Swaim is having a seizure
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:16 pm
Of course, by TDN I mean TDK
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:16 pm
@Iantendo; Are you in Ol’ Blighty?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:16 pm
john ritter is presenting next.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:16 pm
why did is paul newman so special that he’s the only dead guy to get a sound clip?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:16 pm
@half-on
Above.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 pm
TDN even got snubbed in the dead montage?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 pm
Sigh…so much lost talent…
(looks at current Hollywood)
(Drinks self to death)
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 pm
Queen Latifa? On stage at the oscars? Seriously?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 pm
Um, Queen Latifa was an oscar nominee for Chicago
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 pm
paul newman died 2 years in a row?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 pm
R.I.P. Paul Newman. I now really want to watch “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” and “The Sting” again.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 pm
Now Swaim is having seizures, great.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 pm
R.I.P. Richard Widmark.
Nobody will ever play a homocidal maniac as well as you(well maybe except Heath Ledger).
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 pm
A dozen people quietly left the ceremony as Jennifer Hudson tries to be as boring as possible
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 pm
I miss Bernie Mac man, I need alcohol to help with my depression. Cracked, you mind making a run for me?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 pm
@ruffletuffle
It’s far, FAR worse than that. RUN!! RUN NOW!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 pm
WTF Robocop dude died?????
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 pm
are pictures of the commentors above or below their comments? im having a hard time figuring out which one of these guys is the only funny one posting
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 pm
Ahhah, they introduce Ricardo Montalban with a Wrath of Khan clip. Rock on.
They actually noted Heath Ledger during last year’s ceremony, so I doubt he’ll be in this one. Unless they want to kill him again.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:14 pm
Awwww…. Yeah, that’s right. Bernice Mac. And Isaac Hayes. They were fantastic actors.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:14 pm
paul newman if telling heath ledger to suck it in heaven right now
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:14 pm
@ SLPunk
It’s all a giant conspiracy. DOB! Listen Up!
Ever since Queen Latifah’s career completely died (around 2005, shortly after “Bringing Down the House”) she had been looking for a new career. Around that time, Tyler Perry started the ‘Tyler Perry’s’ Movies. They are the same person!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:14 pm
Since I’m not watching the Oscars, I’m getting all the information from this blog. Apparently Al-Queda attacked, and undead communists fought them off. I am confused, and very scared.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:14 pm
Moment of silence for the original Commisioner Gordon…
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:14 pm
Why was Chef not shown for Isaac Hayes?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:14 pm
They showed Heath last year…. and didn’t show Brad Renfro… so they can leave him the hell out this year.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:14 pm
Whoever’s singing right now really has a lovely voice.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:13 pm
at least Bernie Mac got his props
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:13 pm
When did Michael Crichton die?
Does this mean no more Jurassic park sequels??
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:13 pm
I had actually forgotten Bernie Mac was dead until this.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:13 pm
Guys, I honestly want to have sex with Queen Latifah. I would to dirty, nasty, unforgivable thing to her
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:13 pm
They should turn this into an award … best dead person … and prop the corpses up …
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:12 pm
why the fuck is queen latifa here?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:12 pm
The musical montage dedicated to cultural diversity would not have existed if Peter Gabriel was able to perform more than 60 seconds of his song. That being said, Peter Gabriel should have won. The chance of seeing him on stage was the only reason I stayed up.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Van Johnson, we hardly knew ye
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:12 pm
They’d better play something badass for Heath.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Yay now we get to see who the glad to see die by their level of claps. or lack thereof
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:12 pm
ah, fuck. last holiday is singing.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Since the bloggers are saying what they’re currently doing, I’m currently illegally downloading the song I feel should have won the Oscar. I’ll Give you a hint. It wasn’t Jai Ho.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Queen Latifah believes Heath Ledger is just lost, and not actually dead. Send out a search party.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:12 pm
the oscars want to be the grammies this year, don’t they?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:12 pm
DOB the mystery wine was from me. I made it myself. The main ingredient=love
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:11 pm
oh god i hate latifah’s song!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:11 pm
Another song? Holy Fuck
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:11 pm
Why is Queen Latifah doing the dead award thing … this better go to Heath Ledger … or Betty Paige … she died this year too and she was cool … wait .. is she singing? Why …. haven’t the dead suffered enough?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:11 pm
@Whoopi is hilarious
That’s what we’ve been saying!! It’s crazy, isn’t it?
@Brockway
Have more <3.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:11 pm
maybe it’s because it’s 4.15AM and I’m cranked up on energy drink… but I’d totally do Queen Latifah
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:11 pm
No more singing. Ever.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:11 pm
Swaim, you will always be my favorite. have an illicit gay marriage with me, and together we’ll flip Orson Scott Card the bird and quote his books at him.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:11 pm
here comes the heath ledger fuckfest
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:11 pm
Tyler Perry should just use Queen Latifah for his movies instead of cross dressing…..
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:11 pm
@ Tartra
Liam just got alot more badass didn’t he?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:11 pm
I’d like to but forgot what it was about thanks to my goldfish sized memory.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:11 pm
Queen Fatifah
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:11 pm
oh jabba rthe hut has the microphone
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:10 pm
Am I wasted or is Brockway hilarious tonight? Also, maybe you should learn a few English phrases if you are nominated for an Oscar. Just a thought.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:10 pm
@ Blobbidy
Yup I agree, Hollywood is run by indians
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:10 pm
I am also berry happy.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:10 pm
Haha
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:10 pm
@imonarollagay
Care to share with the part of the class missing a feed to this?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:09 pm
@theHeadcase
HOLY CRAP IN A HALF, I JUST REALIZED RIGHT THIS SECOND THAT THAT WAS THE SAME ACTOR!!! I thought I only recognized him from Les Miserables…
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:08 pm
I like the Japanese and at least Slumdog didn’t win so go Japanese dude who did something about some movie in a mortuary ….
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:08 pm
That japanese guy just experienced the painful silence of a bombed joke.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:08 pm
The Misserlou?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:08 pm
i need a translator for this chinaman. why is he yelling?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:08 pm
are they laughing at his accent and poor english?what thr fuck?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:08 pm
That guy sounds like a karate master.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:08 pm
Seriously, turn on TNT. Nic Cage is driving a Ferrari after a runaway cable car trying to capture Sean Connery, all while Ed Harris, David Morse and Bokeem Woodbine are holding hostages on Alcatraz with chemical weapons pointed at the Raiders. Best movie ever.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:08 pm
“Sank you tuu evriibodi! Im veej veej heppy!”
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:08 pm
was that a call shaded israeli(sic)
film
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:08 pm
To people who say Hollywood is run by Jews, I point to the snub of Waltz with Bashir as proof of otherwise
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:08 pm
@Brockway
I’m going to be writing this every time you post now: I love you. So much, in fact, that I <3 you. In my mind, I am giving you a hug.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:08 pm
Coma7ose: You just made me pee.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:07 pm
@Swaim - You arent being paid to liveblog the imaginary bullshit oscars. I need a Swaim-comedy chaser for this shit.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:07 pm
So, we get truncated versions of actual good songs, and yet have to suffer through every second of the filthy “melodies” Hugh Jackman spits out? Oscar, thou hast wronged me greatly.
And so help me Vishnu, if Slumdog wins ONE more Oscar, I will end it. I will find Slumdog Millionaire–a tough feat; it was in theatres for what, a day?–and destroy it with the hatred of a thousand Swaims.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:07 pm
Hey Ra’s al Ghul, if anybody else has seen Taken they know that dude is a total badass
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:07 pm
“Jai Ho” means “Whatever Happens (You Ho)”.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:07 pm
More Asians!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:07 pm
The Japanese are fucking crazy. An unemployed classical musician takes a job in a mortuary?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:07 pm
“They are going to take you”
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:07 pm
Im sorry not even liam neeson ca make this better, that Class movie was absolutly hooredous
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Christopher walken needs remember to tip his stylist.
SHEEEEEIIIT.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Everyone shut up! Liam Neeson is speaking!
Didn’t you see Taken? That guy will stab the hell from you.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:06 pm
DOB: TDK wasn’t nominated for best original soundtrack because too many people collaborated on it or some shit. V. depressing. I think they were just looking for excuses to snub it. Poor TDK.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:06 pm
why was peter gabriel being a beeatch and refusing to perform his own song? He needs a sledgehammer up his mangina.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Liam Neeson deserves the lifetime achievement award just for darkman
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Foreign Language Film = Slumbdog millionaire
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Its Qui-Gon and some girl from Cumdog
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:05 pm
peter gabriel was supposed to perform but they only offered him 65 seconds. He said “fuck you academy! let the old baby suck you off, I aint touching your train wreck for less then 70 seconds. And fuck you old baby and slum fuck, dark knight ruled!”
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:05 pm
DOB is a master of suspense.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:05 pm
Inthought ally mcbeal was canceled. STOP HAVING KIDS YOU STEALTH HYDRA!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:05 pm
the soup awards just kicked the oscars ass yet again
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:05 pm
Does the dude from slumdog millionare have to make a boring, totally vague speach that has nothing to do with his movie every time he wins an award?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:05 pm
Shit.. first they take all of our call center jobs, now they take all of our 3rd rate Oscars… God Damn you India…
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:04 pm
haha the name of T-cruise and slave girl Holmes Genetically altered spawn is Suri.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:04 pm
The Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences would like to congratulate the 2009 winner of the Nobel Prize in Chemistry: Slumdog Millionaire
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:04 pm
Comment Status: Things just got a little more BOLD around here…
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:03 pm
O.k … that was fucking hilarious … he just was on stage … waiting … for the award … before it was even announced …
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:03 pm
john legend was like 4 ft taller than the indian dude
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:03 pm
@Iantendo: That’s just what they want you to think… then the 5 times bowing to Mecca starts.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:03 pm
i had a choice of hate and love, i chose love, someone please explain to me what this has anything to do with SDM music?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:03 pm
Stupid DOB and his seizures.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:03 pm
@Swaim
I saw I SPY again on Peachtree today. Say what you will about his movies now (and you always do *smiley emoticon!!!!!!*) but there was a time when he was funny. I don’t know if I SPY is the best example of it but, before he dabbled with Disney, he was something special.
Hey - anyone else notice The Rock officially sold his soul to Disney?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:02 pm
did he just name-drop fucking Oppenheimer?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:02 pm
Downey is too high for this.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:02 pm
@KILLROYCE -THANK YOU, finally someone realizes Dio can sing way better than any of these people that are nominated
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:02 pm
close the bold tag
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:02 pm
did Alicia keys really just mispronouce jai ho when they said it like one million times. @Trish: Just saying the truth.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:02 pm
@Iantendo: Also a great movie, but painful to watch for someone who did not grow up in the 80’s (from a ridiculous outfit standpoint).
If someone just showed up in a t-shirt and jeans, they’d be pretty cool. I don’t think america wants to see all of the $30,000 outfits right now. Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s got the right idea with that beanie…
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:02 pm
Ludacris - You’z a Ho > A.R Rahman - Jai-Ho
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:02 pm
the indian music beats the intro music
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:02 pm
did alicia keyes just hack up a kitten, or was that the best song award?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:02 pm
Cumdog wins another one.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:02 pm
jahoooooooooooo
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:02 pm
@ Headcase - Yes, yes she is.
@ Everyone else - Yes, this music is fantastic, way better than most of the crap they usually have on these shows.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:02 pm
Really? Because I’m going to have that fucking Wall-E song stuck in my head for the rest of the week, but can’t remember three consecutive notes from “Jai Ho”
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:02 pm
Pakistan’s gotta be feeling left out of all this India love; hope it doesn’t cause a holocaust.
Good call, Killroyce. Dio is the SHIT.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:01 pm
I’ll say it again this shit is fixed
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:01 pm
alicia keys, looks like an apple right now, really shiny and something id not like to fuck
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:01 pm
@imonarollagay: Sari? or the child of troubled scientologists Katie and Tom Cruise?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:01 pm
Whoops! Didn’t mean to put my email in there… can someone take it down? (and perhaps send me the address at the same time?)
Guess it’s time for a new hotmail, huh?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:01 pm
zack effron’s only good role was on firefly. fuck you all.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:01 pm
Someone just tackle Efron already
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:00 pm
aww, headcase, let’s make sweet, sweaty, crabbsy love.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:00 pm
ETHNIC DANCE??? Come on people! I have no feed to this thing! I need more words than that!
@J-Pappi
Props to you for recognizing my impeccable taste. Together, we can rule the world.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:00 pm
Worst Oscars of all time.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:00 pm
The Award for Best Lip Sync goes to: Indian guy
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:00 pm
Since this is going on ill go to youtube and look at Hindu Thriller
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:00 pm
@Trish
By Hindus?
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:00 pm
I wish this was Buffalaxed …
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:00 pm
I think I was just forcibly converted to Islam
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:59 pm
From now on, I’m only gonna listen to Indian music. It’s pretty cool
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:59 pm
I think it’s safe to go out and have a cigarette.
FAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLL!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:59 pm
For the love a god, a link! I have so much snark to sling over here, and it’s five fucking Am after waiting up all night to snarl with you guys!
ddevice@hotmail.com
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:59 pm
The indian singer girl is hot
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:59 pm
This is going to start an Indian fad.
I’m going to work tommorow wearing a suri!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:59 pm
@Dukethebitch!,
Could’ve happened to anyone Mom, Duke.
HEY!
Did that Indian dude just tranform into John Legend and back again???
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:59 pm
LIQUOR RUNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:59 pm
Im still not sure how you can talk about music awards if Ronnie James Dio isnt among the nominated
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:58 pm
I like this music, it’s saving the oscars
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:58 pm
@Trogdor: Shhhh you are turning me on.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:58 pm
Will one of these actors please just call Zach Efron a raging homosexual on live national television?
Mickey? Clive? Bale? C’mon, someone remind us that not everyone in hollywood is an eyebrow grooming, purse carrying, prick.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:58 pm
…Brockway is invited to my freakfest with Swaim….
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:58 pm
The Academy has just made an announcement on their website. The best animated film award for Wall-E has been taken away and given to Slumdog Millionaire.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:58 pm
what just happened?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:58 pm
is this the tribute to Balls? what the fuck is going on?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:57 pm
@Whoopi
Alicia apparently died two years ago. This is clearly a zombie hybrid of some sort.
OH! 2 for SDM and 1 for Wall-E. Who the hell you think is going to win this?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:57 pm
J: That’s funny, because I started thinking of you when they showed Tommy Lee Jones say he’s not really bald.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:57 pm
Hugh Jackman looks…….darker.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:57 pm
i assume this song is the one from WALL - E?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:57 pm
My Prediction: Best Picture is awarded to Running Scared, the 1986 Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines buddy cop masterpiece.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:57 pm
Also, Michael Swaim is my father.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:56 pm
what the eff?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:56 pm
So Hollywood is the new Bollywood … does that mean Bollywood is becoming Hollywood?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:56 pm
@BROCKWAY Dude, from now on, never ever plan your articles, just sit and write it like 5 minutes before you have to hand it in. You’re fucking killing tonight.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:56 pm
He wrote and sings the songs? I’m actually impressed.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:56 pm
20 Bucks Jackoff comes out right now
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:56 pm
When did Alicia Keys hollow out her eyes?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:56 pm
Ethnic Dance Time!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:56 pm
@Tartra: props to you for recognizing my awesomeness on a previous column. You have impeccable taste.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:56 pm
jesus, they may as well have just let the casts & crews of slumdog millionaire and benjamin button battle for all the awards in a game of volleyball.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:55 pm
HSM lick my balls
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Slumdog did deserve this one. It had great music. Plus, where was John Williams? Shouldn’t he be nominated every year?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Darkwolf - they figure it saves time since slumdog is gonna win everything … so the whole cast/crew is just crouching behind hugh jackman …
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Help! This si so frustrating! None of the so-called live feed addresses I’ve got work!
For the love of god, can somebody send me a URL or post it?
Help!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:55 pm
I hope they don’t win best picture that would be great.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Go back to India. If C-Bale was here, he would tell this fu%king amateur to get off the stage
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Suspended in Gaffa is a Ra Ra Riot song. PWNT!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:55 pm
I wanna fuck his mother.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:55 pm
I think the indian fellow tried to make a funny, i feel pity right now
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Fuckdog Bitchionaire just won again, stop winning, im running out curse words
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:55 pm
My Prediction: Best Picture is awarded to Running Scared, the 2006 Paul Walker movie where a ten year old russian boy duels an aging white pimp.
It’s gotta win one of these years…
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:54 pm
@Douch
Someone fucked up.
And yes, I heard someone say “OPEN IT!”
Technical malfunction. Someone was drinking when they should have been pulling.
That someone was your mom.
Not YOUR mom Douch, just a nonspecific mom?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:54 pm
do you think they’re giving slumdog all these shitty awards so they can give the decent ones to someone else?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:54 pm
Did this guy not have an actual seat or something? It seems like he came out from backstage?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:54 pm
The Oscars are fucking fixed.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:54 pm
@Brockway
Yeah, dude, what the hell? You make me crack maybe three smiles on average with your articles but this time you’re making me laugh? This is UNSCRIPTED stuff, man! Screw it - stop planning your words out ahead of time. From now on, you’re farting out whatever comes into your head. Then, and only then, will I accept you.
I’m not even joking, you’re doing great tonight.
@Everyone
OMFG!!!! PEOPLE!!! I GOT THE 1234th COMMENT!! FUCK YEAH!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:54 pm
was AR Rahman sitting backstage?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:54 pm
I win …
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:54 pm
IS FUCKING ZAC EFRON AT THE OSCARS?!!!!!!!!!!! I’M OUT! I’M FUCKING OUT!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:54 pm
abbzey, I don’t know why but I find myself slowly falling in love with you throughout the night. Then again i’m as picky about who i wanna have sex with as much as you are.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:54 pm
Is there something wrong with Alicia Keys face? It looks fake
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:54 pm
zac efron. why?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:54 pm
@Trish: I believe it was blown out of proportion. No disrespect but sometimes that significant other, male or female needs thats pimp hand to be reminded who’s really wearing the jeans in that relationship. Earlier this week my girl beat me till I couldn’t see straight. I’m not on the news.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:53 pm
My Zacky! I don’t care what ya’ll say, I wub him to bits. <3
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:53 pm
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:53 pm
What a fucking cock.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:53 pm
Zac motherfucking efron … AGAIN?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:53 pm
I would love to see Christian Bale on the stage right now…
“YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!!! TDK IS FUCKING AWESOME!!! YOU ARE NOT PROFESSIONALS, YOU FUCKS!!! I´M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!! BECAUSE I´M THE GODDAMN BATMAN!!! AAAAAAARRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:53 pm
Fuck Zack Efron.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:53 pm
Is it just me or last year didn’t we get to hear the songs and not the Muzak versions?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:53 pm
-falls asleep- They aren’t even trying this year …. and whatever award this is slumdog will win … even if it’s not nominated …
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:53 pm
the love theme from final fantasy 7?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:53 pm
Shouldnt the slumdog song be some cheesy bollywood diddy?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:52 pm
CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE DEAL WAS WITH THE CURTAINS IN THE BEGINNING??!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:52 pm
DP; what’s up, my man? I was thinkin’ of your mom every time they show Marissa Tomei tonight. I don’t care if her tips at work aren’t what they used to be; she’s still got the moves.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:52 pm
yeah man Hugh needs to rock out an orchestral version of Cuban Pete
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:52 pm
Give it to defiance.
It’s a known rule in Hollywood a movie about the Holocaust must win atleast one award.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:52 pm
i just noticed that jackman has stopped trying to be funny and now is just playing straight, +10 for quick rebound. I kinda like the beggining *shame*
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:52 pm
@J-Pappi
Sucks about your comment, dude.
@Crack-o-dile
I have an IV of alcohol that I continually refresh with good ol’ Molson so I am unfamiliar with the pain you are going through.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:52 pm
waiting for old hugh to jump out in a sequin shirt here….
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:52 pm
So my heart skipped a beat when they showed that shot of Anne Hathaway… only to show the guy who eats people a few seconds later (at which my heart began to dance much like a sober, costumed, DOBatman).
Oh, shhhhhhhhh…. there’s actually some real music playing.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:52 pm
This is truly boring.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:52 pm
What’s up with the orchestra? They really are just trying to kill time aren’t they?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:51 pm
and the oscar goes to…… tilda swintons dick in the talking lion 2!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:51 pm
this is lulling me into a coma
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:51 pm
WOOOO!!! YOU DID IT BROCKWAY! You broke the funny barrier. I expect good things from you from now on.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:51 pm
@imonarollagay: no…i don’t think so. maybe old jerry lewis…..maybe.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:51 pm
So when does Bruce Springsteen do the half-time show?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:50 pm
Im not even WATCHING the oscars. Im just reading this shit.
And its even funnier out of context
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:50 pm
yeah we get the sky feed in the UK… it’s fucking sucks…
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:50 pm
OH SHIT J-PAPPI’S HERE!
HEY J IT’S YOUR BUDDY DP! REMEMBER? YOU BANGED MY MOM?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:49 pm
Gladstone, agreed about Penelope Cruz; she looks like Liza Minelli to me. Don’t know what the big deal is. Not that I wouldn’t fuck her, of course.
Can’t believe Slumdog just beat out Dark Knight and Iron man for sound mixing AND editing…fucking BULLSHIT!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:49 pm
Why didn’t the curtains open up in the beginning? did anyone hear “Steve, open it!” ??
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:49 pm
So… um… how bout that Rihanna/Chris Brown misunderstanding?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:49 pm
The entire country of France collectively just creamed their (probably already dirty) jeans. Although kudos to Jerry for giving the classiest speech of the evening.
And no kudos to me for the douchiest thing to be said all night: apparently our mothers were right, your face WILL freeze that way. What was up with Jerry Lewis’ mouth? Was he trying not to cry? If so, I’m a huge boner and I retract my statement. If not that–or some disease–then what the crap?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:48 pm
I don’t know why I’m still watching this, I have to write a paper.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:48 pm
I think Christian Bale should host the oscars next year…f#%king amateurs
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:48 pm
swaim are you watching the sky feed with a presenter a hag and two nerds? coz god help you Im just skulling cans between the breaks
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:48 pm
An unfunny comedian just gave an award to an unfunny comedian. Well, they got that one right, anyway.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:48 pm
i just say a trailer with deadpool and sandra bullock, be afraid
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:48 pm
This is definitely the first and last time i will ever watch an award ceremony sober.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:48 pm
is there anybody you wouldn’t fuck abbzey??
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:46 pm
See now was the appropriate time for Hugh Jackman to have been dancing in the background …
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:46 pm
So that’s where Anthony Hopkins has been hiding.
Did he think he was getting the lifetime achievement award??
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:46 pm
Did they just give Jerry Lewis’s ghost an award?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:46 pm
Rashida, give it 50 years
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:46 pm
Well, fuck this. I just wrote a long post and it refreshed before I hit the button and I lost it. Assholes.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:46 pm
dean martin will see you in hell, lewis. nazi clown.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:46 pm
@ theHeadcase: me too. i was wondering why suddenly gladstone hated brockaway, too.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:46 pm
is jerry lewis having a stroke on stage?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:46 pm
I can’t believe he still has black hair (not much) but he should look like BB when he was four years old shouldn’t he?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Where’s Angelina and Brad with their small village?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:45 pm
if the livebloggers had any talent we would be getting a dick joke about disabled kids in about t-minus 30
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:45 pm
woah… time machine fuck!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Even when eddie murphy was funny he wasnt that funny, beverly hills cop is overrated imo
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Eddie just compared his nutty professor to Jerry Lewis’?
Duke that sonofabitch Jerry!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:44 pm
i’d have totally fucked jerry lewis 60 years ago.
if i were alive 60 years ago.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:44 pm
Yeah, Humanitarian Award!
Yeah….
…
…woo?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:44 pm
Is Jerry Lewis dead? Why are we watching a tribute to him … humanitarian award .. what the fuck .. this is the oscars … remember assholes … about movies .. I give up …
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:44 pm
AH! A ZOMBIE!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:44 pm
This live blog is fucking me up. For about ten minutes i thought that everything that swaim just said came from gladstone
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:44 pm
jerry lewis deserves the oscar for when he played a clown that marched jewish kids into the ovens. its a real movie. greatest jerry lewis film of all time.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:44 pm
Cracked, you are officially sucking dick at updating the liveblog. GOOD JOB!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:44 pm
I want Jerry Lewis to kiss my head
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:44 pm
yeah its jerry lewis, but isnt he dead?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:43 pm
I hope Mr Murphy dresses up like a hilariously offensive Asian man and makes several jokes involving mispronouncing R’s and L’s
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:43 pm
Oh look, another Coldplay song. What, is Hollywood out of ideas?
Oh, wait…
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:43 pm
Cracked shouldn’t just liveblog the Oscar’s next year, they should host it.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:43 pm
Coldplay? Again! WTF*
I changed punctuation every time.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:43 pm
What’s with all the coldplay tonight? Didn’t they already have a song in a montage?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:43 pm
Jerry Lewis was a major influence on the script of The Adventures of Pluto Nash
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:43 pm
C-bale wanted to come but went apeshit at the E channel interviwers for distracting him on the red carpet…
“God Fucking Amatuers”-C-Bale
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:43 pm
Is anybody else watching “The Rock” on TNT instead of Hugh Jackman embarrass an entire continent of people (including Aborigines)?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:43 pm
No, NO, not Coldplay.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:42 pm
cos nothing says hilarious acting like coldplay
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:42 pm
haha, jerry lewis is being honored by eddie fucking murphey.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:42 pm
Eddie Murphy looks, talks and moves like a pimp. I mean pimp as in someone who uses whores as a source of income.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:42 pm
Are you serious? Eddie Murphy?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:42 pm
I remember when Eddie Murphy used to be funny…
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:42 pm
Tim Gunn is officially the most painfully uncomfortable product spokesman of all time. He looked like the camera man was holding his family at gunpoint.
Commercial Subtext: Buy tide or we’ll kill everyone you love.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:42 pm
OH GOD NO, EDDIE MURPHY
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:42 pm
… durring sex.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:41 pm
Eddie Murphy??
Why God Why??
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:41 pm
im noticingan absence of chris nolan, or chris bale, something doesnt seem right
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:41 pm
What is a Database error? MOR LYKE A GAYTA GAYSE EROR LOLZ
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:41 pm
@SLPunk…
what better way of apologising than by calling Indians ’slumdogs’
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:41 pm
Mr. Swaim has finished arguing with me. I am hurt, But not as much as Swaim’s ass hurts after those parties.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:40 pm
The Academy is homophobic and lactose intolerant bc MILK isn’t winning dick. hahahahaha im so clever. Suck it Swaim.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:40 pm
Why are people complaining over who wins Sound Mixing or Film Editing? It’s not like we know anything about it. It’s like the people who complain about the Pro Bowl selections for offensive linemen.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:40 pm
Well, Will Smith has officially proved to be the most charming man in the industry. HE should host next year’s show.
Ooh, look, The Dark Knight ACTUALLY won another award. A meaningless one, but it’s something (else).
And…WHAT THE CRAP? Why are Slumdog Millionaire and Benjamin Button the only contenders for winningest movies of the night? And why does Slumdog have such a huge lead? I’ve never seen it, so I won’t stoop to saying that it doesn’t necessarily deserve it, but seriously, this is getting old. When Titanic did, most people were cool with it (not me, but that doesn’t matter). When LotR 3 did it, everyone was cool with it. When Slumdog does it…who will care? I know it hasn’t won EVERY award it’s up for, but it’s still tedious.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:40 pm
The internet broke due to the incredibly outrageous images we’ve been shown the past two and a half hours
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:40 pm
when is the best kiss oscar?
“and the oscar goes to………old baby and the fuck face from twighlight!”
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:40 pm
What the fuck just happened?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:40 pm
Cracked … don’t ever do that again … I can’t watch the oscars without … it scares me … you’re my blankie!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:39 pm
Yeah…. I like to think we all shitted so hard at the thought of Dark Knight not winning everything that the internet tucked its dick behind it’s balls in shame.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:39 pm
Tartra, different timezones.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:39 pm
hey guys.
so, milk was nominated for a few things this year, eh? what’re they gonna nominate next year? CHEESE?
g’night folks, i’ll be here until i shoot myself after realizing how pathetic i am.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:39 pm
If suckdog Jizzionaire keeps winning cracked will be destroyed
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:39 pm
Apparently Slumdog Millionaire is the U.K.’s attempt at saying sorry for exploiting your people, and raping your women for years
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:38 pm
Anybody else not able to refresh this at some point in the last few minutes.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:38 pm
That guy was so white my internet stopped working
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:38 pm
WTF just happened, cracked?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:38 pm
Dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit!!!
I feel so freaking left out of the Cracked community now! The one time the bloggers are actually chatting - in relatively real time - with the commenters like it’s some big sexy party and where the fuck am I? Taking a nap. A NAP. And not even a good nap - some asshole kept calling me!
Are the Oscars over? They sound over. The last post was hours ago. Dammit it all to hell! I’m going back to my nap.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:37 pm
I think my dream night would be smoking weed with the cast of “Slumdog Millionaire” and then setting off fireworks in the Taco Bell parking lot.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:37 pm
Hugh Jackman is pretty gay. I’m just saying.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:37 pm
Did the internet explode?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:37 pm
Hahahaha that guy simon just waved the gayest wave EVER.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:37 pm
This is precisely my point.
They don’t give a shit how well done TDK was, or how well it was acted.
They wanted to give it to him because he died.
Slumdog Millionaire. I haven’t seen it, but when I do, I better ejaculate all over the walls with how good this thing supposedly is.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:36 pm
I like to see the people who made The Dark Knight and BB (I can’t the nerve to write the title) should switch places and try to make each other’s movies. We’ll see who’s better. More work was put into the dark knight than the other movies because it’s so outta this world. I can’t believe that the guys who had to come up with how the batmobile should sound were beat by the guys who figured out what india sounds like . . .
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:34 pm
Even Will Smith wonders why he’s still out there
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:34 pm
shouldn’t they be giving the technical awards out before they start filming?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:33 pm
oh man not Bumdog(balls) Millionhair(y nutsack)
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:33 pm
FIX IT, CRACKED, FIX IT. I MUST SEE YOUR WITTY COMMENTS REGARDING BEN STILLER’S JOAQUIN PHOENIX IMPRESSION. I MUST, I MUST, OR I SHALL MOST SURELY PERISH OF WOE.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:33 pm
What is with all the talk of magic today? Do they give you a wand when you step into hollywood now?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:33 pm
Hey there actually was an Indian (dot, not feather) guy who worked on Slumdog Millionaire.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:33 pm
Slumdog Millionaire.
Really Academy? You can’t even give TDK SOUND EDITING?
Fuck you.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:33 pm
“This is unbelievable, We can’t believe this”
I can only understand every 4th word that guy said.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:33 pm
These guys made the sound of falling in an outhouse so damn realistic. Well done!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Oh yea, I remember watching Slumdog and thinking, “I can’t believe how well this sound mixes.”
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:32 pm
A cabdriver just won an Oscar.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:32 pm
OH FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK MY ASS WITH A CROWBAR!!! Slumdog Dick over the Dark Knight? Fuck this shit. Dicks. Dicks in my mouth.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Fucking Cumdog Dickionaire wins another one
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Will Smith, eat several dicks.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:31 pm
DAMN IT ALL
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:31 pm
The closest thing BB had to visual effects was a WWII scene. They’ve been doing that for 80 years!!!! But at least TDK won another Oscar.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:31 pm
hooray! dark knight won! the only reason its not nominated for best pic is because the old baby sucked off the entire academy. at once. fuck you old baby.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:31 pm
comon dark knight win this one!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:31 pm
Aw hell naw! Will Smith!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:31 pm
“Not just by their mom and them” Funny Will. You fucking asshole.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:31 pm
Dude, S, Thinkin’ Things had some pretty sick fx.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:31 pm
What happen to in between 6:52 and 7:20?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:30 pm
Get off the fucking stage Hancock.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:30 pm
DARK KNIGHT WON SOMETHING YES!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:30 pm
Anybody notice Swaims picture looks like Timmy from The Whitest Kids u’ Know?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:30 pm
Distance from Hollywood
Suburban Florida > East Germany
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:30 pm
Whatever … fuck you oscars .. I don’t even care you’re giving SOUND EDITING to dark knight … it deserved best movie .. this is so patronizing …
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:29 pm
fReaking benjamin button again!?!?
That did not deserve achievement in visual effects!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:29 pm
Wait a minute….wanted was nominated for something? Who cares, Dark knight won!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:29 pm
DP relax don’t contract polio over in India
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:29 pm
I just farted. Sound edit that!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:29 pm
Boom goes the dynamite reference? I award you 2 Internets Will Smith
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:29 pm
“Boom goes the dynamite”?
I think Will Smith just came.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:29 pm
WHAT JUST CAME OUT OF HIS MOUTH??
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:28 pm
ben button sure sucked a lot of dick! good for you ben! heres another oscar.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:28 pm
There’s 10 awards left and i need to fucking sleep. Hurry up!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:28 pm
the words of inebriation are like church bells to my ears……incoherence, chaos and humor rolled into one
Sweet
Whimsical
Alluring
Intellectual
Matchbox…………..
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:28 pm
-Bangs head on desk-
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:28 pm
Fuck that old baby.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:28 pm
You just deleted a bunch of posts while I was reading them. Eat dicks, Cracked. Eat all the dicks.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:28 pm
Old baby steals another one
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:28 pm
HEY A REACTION!!! jesus thats all i wanted! IM DONE NOW.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:28 pm
How did Benny Button beat Iron Man?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:27 pm
I was somewhat OK with Benjamin Button stealing some of the other awards, but for special effects over the Dark Knight AND Iron Man?!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:27 pm
DOB I would love to verify the status of your wiener personally.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:27 pm
@DOB
how awesome is it?
the ladies want to know
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:27 pm
“Wanted” was absolute garbage. It was a mix between Scott McAvoy choking down his Scottish accent and special effects that look like they were done by a fourth grader in “Thinkin’ Things”.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:27 pm
Why don’t they just let Will Smith host? He’s delightful
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:27 pm
Im gonna start lobbying for Crank 2 to be nominated for best picture next year
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:27 pm
Ouch. Button doesn’t deserve this one.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:27 pm
Benjamin fucking Button.
Damn it all.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:27 pm
holy fuck the curious case of benjamin buttom won visual effects over the dark knight fuck the oscars
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:27 pm
Yeah because Doubt, Dark Knight, Benjamin Button, and Milk are all about how much India sucks.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:27 pm
I think thats an Iron Cross, apparantly Will Smith is also a Nazi
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:27 pm
Oh MY GOD … Christ on crutches you have to be fucking kidding me …
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:27 pm
oh well that shit turned out to be a fraud after all:
http://img3.imageshack.us/img3/4782/1235075752496jc8.png
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:27 pm
kamehameha: why don’t you shoe Dragon Ball Z! 9000 PENISES!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:26 pm
How dare they play batman theme music to will smith?!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:26 pm
I would fuck dragonball z
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:26 pm
I wanna shit in Will Smith’s mouth for a week.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:26 pm
What the hell is that on Will Smith’s suit?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:26 pm
Oh I get it… Will Smith wrote the Oscars. Case Closed.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:26 pm
Will Smith fucked up I Am Legend
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:25 pm
He asked to be there because he needs the exposure
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:25 pm
k so im like 99 percent certain that nobody here reads anybody elses posts. Here I am, trying to start meaningful conversations about, say, dragonball z (after all, whats more meaningful than that?), and guys (and girls) just go on about who you do or do not want to fuck. classy.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:25 pm
oh god here he is…
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:25 pm
Dark knight better win … or I would accept Iron man .. no scratch that … as good as iron man was … dark knight better win … but since this is fucking oscars … I’m betting 10 bucks Hancock (aka the worst piece of shit ever) wins … or better yet Indiana Jones …
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:24 pm
@Swaim, too much time on videogames.
Angelina Jolie looks less bangable this year.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:24 pm
was that “dick dick dick dick = boom” ? cause it sounded like it
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:24 pm
Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Boom!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:24 pm
@ Mechafox
Hivemind, just asked the same thing.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:24 pm
ha, i completely understand where you’re coming from lgd. they usually are pretty fake. and, as i’m sure has been said approximately a googolplex times, he deserve that award like no other.
now why i’m still on here and not playing f3 met baffles me
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:24 pm
That’s not true? Besides Heath Ledger ever award has gone to someone making a movie about how much India sucks.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:24 pm
the mtv awards have really classed up this year. go speed racer!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:24 pm
I always knew Angelina Jolie was a special effect……..eighty kids my ass.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:23 pm
Why are the Academy Awards suddenly about showing clips of every BAD movie of the year?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:23 pm
I just saw Speed Racer and Tom Cruise with an eye patch within 5 seconds of each other. My mind just imploded on itself
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:23 pm
CAR CHASES! now they have my attention
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:23 pm
Just when you think Cuba Gooding, Jr.’s movies for the past decade are the worst humiliation he could endure, he does THAT while announcing a nominee. Jesus.
At least Heath won. No complaints or attempts at witticism here.
AAAAAAAnd just when you think Cuba is the biggest f-up of the night, they send out FREAKING BILL MAHR. Holy God. Could anyone have humiliated himself more than this? The show’s not even over, so I COULD be wrong, but I doubt it.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:23 pm
what? are there oscars in best car chases because I don’t believe deathproof got it’s recognition in that case
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:23 pm
What song is this?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:23 pm
All right!!!! Bad Ass car montage!!! AWESOME!!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:23 pm
Jim Carrey is the king attention whore. Watch any Late Night interview, his insecurity is actually palpable. Runner up? Frank Caliendo.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:23 pm
Suck my boobs? Cause I don’t have a dick =P
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:23 pm
If Tom Cruise actually did kill Jimmy Kimmel, I would forgive him for everything
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:22 pm
@ kamehameha:
I agree, and respond with this: urethra.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:22 pm
That was the most intense Dancing commercial I think I will ever seen
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:22 pm
^^ So drunk she is watching the commercials very intently.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:22 pm
Hahahahaha guys read Brockways’s last post
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:21 pm
I still think its hilarious how the Cracked staff are having more trouble getting along than the commenters
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:21 pm
SLPunk: That’s not true. Go home.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:21 pm
@noxluc
BAHAHAHAHA!!
I’m sorry, was Heath Ledger your client or something?
You seem awfully invested in the entire thing.
The Dark Knight was incredible and deserves Best Picture, but you know these uptight pricks of the Academy wouldn’t give TDK a second look if Heath Ledger hadn’t died.
When was the last time a superhero movie got any kind of recognition?
Where’s Iron Man in these awards?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:21 pm
God. Fucking. Damnit. Swaim.
My thing had ALL the cheats. I hope you dream of Teabagging Brockway tonight, asshole.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:21 pm
penis.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:19 pm
Is it me or is everyone that makes a documentary fuck ugly?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:19 pm
Has anyone else realized that when Hugh Jackman isn’t running around like Richard Simmons on crack, its all white people making movies about Indians this year???
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:19 pm
Gladstone- I just giggled at that and I’m not drunk.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:18 pm
Who gave Olive Oyl an award?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:18 pm
the lady in red is fugly
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:18 pm
MAGIC, MOTHERFUCKERS! Did you fucking see that? HELLZ YEAH!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:18 pm
Jesus! Circus people ARE winning! Horse-lady just won!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Magic tricks during an acceptance speech? I’ll never understand Europeans.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Bill Maher is the greatest motherfucker to ever fuck mothers.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Now circus people are winning awards?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:17 pm
I don’t know who this guy is or what he’s talkingabout. “Documentarian” is not a real word. Fuck this I’m taking my Rum and going outside to shout at girls on the street. Out.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:17 pm
dtwiscool … oh… I may be wrong .. they oscar people are usual very fake and over dramatic and pull shit like that but in this case he did deserve to win … his performance was amazing … and fallout 3 rocks … go play you won’t be missing shit …
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:17 pm
That magic guy was a badass. I hope he punches Bill Maher in the face for his next magic trick
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Freedom Fries.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:17 pm
ahhh, you wacky foreign scamp!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Okay, so I toooooooooooootally missed this. Dammit. Well, good thing everything was written down so I can read it now.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:16 pm
That French guy is French
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:16 pm
@ Maddog… I just peed and came simultaneously.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:16 pm
its rorschach!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Anyone else catch that guy`s daughter, named Anime?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Stage crasher..where is the damn security?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:16 pm
“‘holy shit look at me’ clusterfuck”
perfectly said.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:16 pm
I feel bad for the asian guy with the bad teeth.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Is Bill Maher wearing a vinyl suit? Is his contempt for not being nominated serious? He’s not making art, he’s exploiting satire.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Don’t worry, DOB. Paul Newman and Heath Ledger will rise from the dead, kill Tyler Perry and present the Best Picture award to Dark Knight. I guarantee it.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:15 pm
@DOB Dude, Beyonce’s hot! You were actually paying attention to the song?? WTF
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:15 pm
that man needs braces….
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Josephine- If that happens, I call either joining or getting sloppy seconds.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Man whats with all the hate towards heath ledger, he acted the shit out of the joker he deserved the oscar ( or tony im kinda confused what this is with all the music)
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:14 pm
i was still trying to decide if I would want to pork kate ledger because she is kate ledger or if I would want to anywho… then I realized she has a vagina (likely) so I would probably want to no matter what
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:14 pm
ldg - the dead guy does most definitely NOT always win.
heath is the second actor ever to get a posthumous oscar.
and with that win, i’m out. off to fallout 3 i go!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Hollywood people take themselves way to serious….all that drama and inspiration you’re not curing cancer people….lighten up….
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Why would they put the most pessimistic guy in the world on after such a tender moment?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:14 pm
The documentary award isn’t worth dick-all without Michael Moore and his rants about Bush.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:14 pm
probly zombie ledger…i mean he took a mega beating by batman without even flinching which basically makes him invincible.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:14 pm
The only way this thing will end well is if Bruce Willis jumps on stage, snatches the Best Actor Oscar out of Sean Penn’s veiny little child-hands, yells “Yippi-Ki-Yay Mutha Fucker!” and runs off into the night.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Bitter Bill Maher?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:14 pm
omg shut the fuck up …
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:14 pm
why in the living FUCK is Bill Maher here?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Bill Maher in a leather suite.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Heath Ledger and Paul Newman will rise from the dead and kill Tyler Perry, don’t worry DOB. They got your back.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:13 pm
aw great bill maher prepare for a smug dick swinging
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:13 pm
i was response #100, me ftw!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:13 pm
BARFFFFFFFFFFFFFfffffff
Bill maur
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Aww Herzog speaks in a cute way
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:13 pm
WAIT … what the fuck … BILL MAHR?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Kool and the gangs celebration is probably playing in everyones head right now
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:13 pm
man that asian guy had ugly teeth
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:12 pm
very touching with the ledger family
and yes downy was very good as well
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:12 pm
Man on Wire is fucking amazing.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:12 pm
Can we fast forward though this please?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:12 pm
What can I say. I post fast.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:12 pm
who would win i wonder?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:12 pm
@lackthereof - Your mother would say hi, but her mouth is currently occupied with Satan’s genital parts in the 4th level of Hell.
Good day to you sir.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:12 pm
I think Swaim and I should make sweet, awkward, drunken love.
The offer is on the table.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:12 pm
bucktoooth
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:11 pm
Encounters at the End of the World was my idea. Damn you Herzog!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:11 pm
man you guys started off slow but now your picking up on the comedy pace, i think all that liquor is helping you guys be funny keep it up!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:11 pm
YES DARK FUCKING KNIGHT IN YOUR ASS!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:11 pm
huh. It’s 10 over here. I was wondering why the blog ended at 6:30. You guys are in Cali aren’t you?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:11 pm
DUDE UFC BRAWL BETWEEN ZOMBIE LEDGER AND CHRISTOPHER WALKEN AS THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:11 pm
$5 they thought he was crazy for being the Joker until they found out he won
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:11 pm
And the Oscar winner for Best Actor is…..
BRAD PITT IN THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:11 pm
Dark Knight won something woot!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:11 pm
i love you Swaim. YOUR MY NEXT TARGET.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:11 pm
Shit … that was pretty … cold.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:10 pm
Anne is crying. Oh dear lord.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:10 pm
lackthereof, you’re an idiot.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:10 pm
Aww, how sweet of you, Swaim <3
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:10 pm
Congrats Heath
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:10 pm
We can all go to sleep now. Go Heath!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:09 pm
Is that Heath’s sister??? She looks like him in a wig.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:09 pm
ok, can we go back to bitching about the host and lack of relevant dick jokes up above?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:09 pm
i want to eat kate ledgers ass for the next 7 years
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:09 pm
I hate how they have these former award winners talk about the nominees. They should have showed a clip from the dark knight just to add some missing class to the ceremonies
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:09 pm
dark knight win, that somewhat makes up for all the shit tonight
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:09 pm
Now pan to fake people faking emotion … and … go …
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:09 pm
BRROCKWAY PWNS and dark knight won something…lol the one thing it SHOULDNT have won!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:09 pm
SERIOUSLY?? Zack fucking Efron is on stage at the Oscars? What, they couldn’t get Aaron Carter? Fucking A’
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:09 pm
Suspended in Gaffa……WTF is Gaffa?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:09 pm
I love the Dark Knight, and speficially the Joker, but lets not fuck around, he wouldn’t even be nominated, let alone win if he wasn’t dead.
The Academy doesn’t acknowledge movies like that.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 pm
I really hope Heath won for the performance and not because he couldn’t read the directions for his valium.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 pm
Bullshit, where is his daughter Rose Ledger? I was told she would be accepting.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 pm
i am officially fucking thrilled swaim’s not watching the oscars.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 pm
Damn you T-Virus
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 pm
no surprises here, go heath!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 pm
HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER HEATH LEDGER
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 pm
HEATH WON! WOOO! im so happy
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 pm
WHAT THE FUCK SWAIM?
NO MENTION OF ME FOR MY MARIO CHEATS?
Fuck you, I’m gonna become a Brockway fan
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 pm
Well not a huge surprise … dead guy always wins but fuck if he didn’t deserve it this time …
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 pm
if you could turn the power of fanboy boners into electricity at this precise moment you could light up New York City for the next five years.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 pm
Thank you Alien King!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 pm
Finally!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOO
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 pm
YES.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 pm
And there we go, the internet is safe.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 pm
thank facking god
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 pm
Annnnnd HEATH LEDGER!!!!!!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 pm
Right, so. Here it goes. The winner is… HEATH FUCKING LEDGER
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 pm
dark knight runs this….. hands down…..woohooo!!!!!!!!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:07 pm
ok you know chris walken is fricking ceepy just thought you all should now
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:07 pm
I`m calling Ledger FTW, but Downy was terrific
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:07 pm
I agree with DP13
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:07 pm
What the hell is on Chris Walkins’ face?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:07 pm
GO HEATH LEDGER GO HEATH LEDGER GO HEATH LEDGER GO HEATH LEDGER GO HEATH LEDGER GO HEATH LEDGER
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:07 pm
Wow Cuba Gooding Jr. … somewhat funny … best part so far … -crosses fingers- go dark knight … go dark knight … go dark knight … he doesn’t win I’m burning something …
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:07 pm
Apparently Cuba didn’t see Tropic Thunder since a white guy getting a black guy’s part was kind of the point…
You dumbass.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Cuba Gooding Junior is officially a moron.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:06 pm
I’m torn with this one. I like Heath Ledger and want him to win, but Robert Downey Jr… I’ve watched Ironman and Tropic Thunder like 15 times each.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:06 pm
More Cowbell!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:06 pm
What’s Cuba Gooding Jr. doing here?
And you know what? I’m willing to bet that Robert must feel awwwkward.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:06 pm
now go to snow dogs 5
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:05 pm
cuba’s so funny
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Walken should present ledger
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:05 pm
GO DARK KNIGHT GO DARK KNIGHT GO DARK KNIGHT GO DARK KNIGHT GO DARK KNIGHT GO DARK KNIGHT
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:04 pm
slpunk, that’s where i have to disagree with you. this would be so much better if vanessa were on stage at all times. not talking (or worse, singing) mind you, just standing there. being naked
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:04 pm
look it’s orville redenbacher!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Michael Shannon FTW.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Where in FUCKS CUNT is Swaims next post?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:04 pm
If Heath Ledger doesn’t win, the internet may honestly and truly explode
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:03 pm
Why couldn’t they just let Christopher Walken present by himself? And then he could just do his speech from Pulp Fiction
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:03 pm
mmmm pushing deeper
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:03 pm
Fingers crossed they wheel a coffin on stage
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:03 pm
Yes, Walken, Awesome.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:03 pm
That’s a good one sean.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:03 pm
oh good, we’re bringing about a bunch of people to present an award for 20 minutes again!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:03 pm
“Australia” was terrible.
In “Tomorrow Never Dies” news, the bad guy died a horribly corny death (chewed alive by a huge buzz saw), Bond survived, hot, nasty multi-racial secret agent sex was had. All is well in Britain.
Hope Stock Awards Show #32 is going well.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:03 pm
As a representitve of my country that doesn’t have a thing for musical theater or arguing about the size of knives, I humbly request that all Australian citizens and residents be barred from appearing on any recored media ever again. I would include Heath Ledger but he’s dead.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:03 pm
Best Juno’s show yet
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:03 pm
5 internet dollars says its heath ledger.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:02 pm
@jpaulsanchez
Best advice of the night.
Look at that fat bitch fall on her ass!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:02 pm
I don’t care how hot vanessa hudgins or whatever her name is, she does not look attractive naked.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Now they have a montage of a bunch of old guys . . .
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Noxluc makes my penis tingle.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:02 pm
@gladstone
I’m sure it’s the musicals giving you headaches not the alcohol
drink up buttercup, it’s your turn to be the drunk one on facebook
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:02 pm
I’m not watching the Oscars, and I’m about an hour behind, but I have to ask why I was not informed Tina Fey would be on screen? They should have advertised the shit out of that. At least if they wanted to increase their viewing, masturbating, audience by one.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Walken with a mustache= i can die happy
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:02 pm
@Trish
Agreed
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:01 pm
Remind me to kill whoever they put in charge of organizing this.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:01 pm
To everyone hating on Hugh Jackman: could you be any more jealous?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:01 pm
i sooooo wish my power was on so I can watch the oscars
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:01 pm
Someone clearly put LSD in my Miller Lite.. can someone tell me what really is happening at the Oscars? The liveblog seems to be broken..
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:01 pm
I hope to God that WAS a “once in a lifetime performance,” cause if I see that again, I may have to shoot someone. Hugh Jackman almost ruined the song Mamma Mia (what? I like it…SCREW YOU!). Beyonce’s voice was pretty good, but the outfit was too out there. Vanessa Hudgens and what’s-her-face from Mamma Mia (the movie, which I’ve never seen, thank you) ALMOST saved it with their outfits, but not quite.
What happened to performing the Best Original Song nominees? Why couldn’t THAT happen? Even if they suck, it’s better than THAT travesty.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:01 pm
@Dieandgoaway
What channel is the combine on?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:01 pm
They should have G-Unit up on stage
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:00 pm
Nice to know that in these times of economic crisis, we can still afford outlandish and irrelevant dance numbers that contribute absolutely nothing. Well Done!
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:00 pm
i…..i feel…. betrayed….
hugh. what the fuck?
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:00 pm
@Whoopi is hilarious: I was thinking the same thing.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:00 pm
Dude, I forget what the title was, but did anyone just see that movie preview with Betty White feeling up a chick? God, I miss the Golden Girls.
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:00 pm
a bertoli commercial just upstaged Hugh Jackman
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:00 pm
i changed it to the nfl combine for a few minutes now i come back and see the grammy’s… i love beyonce’s ass but not when hugh jagoff is in the same frame…
fuck musicals!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:59 pm
The Wolverine movie was already made so i’m gonna watch since it happened before tonight’s monstrosity
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:59 pm
lol! baz luhrman could not look more disappointed! It just reminded me about how much Australia failed
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:59 pm
There is nothing even remotely good/impressive/funny about fuckface-Hugh dancing around like a retard. Can someone please put Beyonce out of her misery?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:59 pm
There better be a Dr. Cox about how terrible Hugh Jackman has been on the next Scrubs
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:59 pm
they need to at least bring vanessa hudgens back. so freaking hot
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Oh, and it was written by Baz fucking Luhrman. You know what, America? Just nuke us already. Believe me, you’re doing us all a favour.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:58 pm
“And the man who created that number: Alan Smithee…”
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:58 pm
gayest show ever…
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Holy shit. Hugh Jackman. What the fuck did you just do? Oh my god…
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Haha, the guy who created that number looked so ashamed
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Hat fell off. Lawlz.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Well now we know who to blame. Thanks Baz Luhrman.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:58 pm
yes! the soup awards! thanks for the heads up, DOB!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Bring Back Jon Stewart!
(P.S. High School Musical has made an appearance, meaning I lost my bet and I have to eat a full pencil, that wasn’t worth the $20 if I won)
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:58 pm
man, it would be awesome if like 6 guys dancing ripped off their suits, and turned out to be the guys from iron maiden, in full costume. then they kill everyone in the building with the sheer power of metal kickassery. that is the one way i see this ending well.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:57 pm
I think I may skip the Wolverine movie now. And Tim Riggins is playing Gambit. That is how much I hate Hugh Jackman right now
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:57 pm
musical isnt back you queer pants
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:57 pm
Did they just reenact drumline?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:57 pm
Actually, I’m really digging this. I don’t care what ya’ll say. I LOVE THIS. Viva la Broadway!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:57 pm
Plz Christian Bale trash their motherfuckin set
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:57 pm
there were TWO musicals this year, and one of them was HSM, and we have to devote an entire number to the genre!? FUCK.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:57 pm
Worst than Hugh Jackman singing? A random appearance by the losers from High school musical … at this point I’m longing for a twilight clip … and I wanted to commit suicide during that movie …
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:57 pm
this…isn’t heath ledger winning his award. at all.
wtf high school musical
and danmanx…if that happened that would be awesome.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:57 pm
Abba?! Seriously? WHAT THE FUCK?!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:57 pm
THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:57 pm
machine gun
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:57 pm
So a whole bunch of famous/classic musicals, and then they insert high school musical songs?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:57 pm
oh gosh, the HSM kids are signing, i might off myself before tonight ends
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:57 pm
omg this is gay
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
seriously what the fuck?! how much time are they gonna kill with this musical shit?!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT THE HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL KIDS . . . . . . .I THINK I JUST HAD A HEART ATTACK
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
kill me
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Aww, I’m sorry, I do love me some Zack-y and Vanessa.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
I know I ridiculed Jackman earlier tonight… but his antics are almost refreshing compared to the dribble we’ve been watching.
Oh, and I do hate Beyonce.
It’s not that she can’t sing, certainly in this instance Jackman almost makes her sound deserving of success, almost.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
When I thought it couldnt get worse they fagged it up more with the high school musical bastards
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Now theres fucking Zac Efron. Well, thats it. I’m out.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Moulin Rouge was a good movie and all, but there is no way in hell Lady marmalade should be a part of this.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Beyonce just descanted Hairspray with JC Superstar……
why?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
@Abbie
No, it’s because you are a terrible person
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Correct G-Stone. All Germans are evil and plotting to take over the world.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Something better fucking explode soon.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Someone please shoot Jackman. He’s in love with himself and none of his shitty musical jive is working. Beyonce may be able to make it bearable, but it’s a desperate move. This is creepy.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:55 pm
I’m watching guys getting hit in the groin on NBC.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:55 pm
Beyonce’s backup dancers are making my penis tingle.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:55 pm
So I was thinking since either I or Cracked are having difficulties refreshing that maybe I’d DVR the rest and wait for the manuscripts of this liveblog.
Then I thought, I’ll choke through this.
And now fuckin’ Beyonce is on the Oscars.
I hate movies now.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:55 pm
Jay-Z is one lucky mothafucka. That’s all I’m going to say.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:55 pm
Hahaha, Dream Girls was terrible
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:55 pm
Beyonce better sing her DirecTV Upgrade song
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:55 pm
this is retarded and useless
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:55 pm
oh god…. i just bled from the ears/eyes/asshole.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:55 pm
im confused, are these the oscars or the grammys?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:55 pm
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?!
WTactualF?!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:55 pm
I like this. Maybe cuz I’m a fan of theatre. Even if they are massacreing the art form.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:54 pm
does beyonce’s ass grow exponentially?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:54 pm
I can say with confidence that Hugh Jackman will never host the Oscars again, ever. Jesus Christ.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:54 pm
why the fuck is he singing again?!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:54 pm
Beyonce. Now she could play a stripper with dignity!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:54 pm
I know I’m in the minority right now but I fucking hate beyonce knowles.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:54 pm
beyonce needs to wax.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:54 pm
oh god know we need to put up with Beyonce’s god awful warbling for the next 5 minutes
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:54 pm
I’m glad that Blobbidy was recently proclaimed the authority on all things funny
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:54 pm
Jesus someone put me out of my misery. Where’s Jon Stewart at?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:54 pm
Seriously this shit sucks. Next time liveblog House.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:54 pm
Stop singing.
This is not the Tony’s.
You’re killing musical theatre, Hugh Jackman.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:53 pm
where is beyonce’s microphone located? cleavage microphones? sexy…
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:53 pm
This isn’t the god-damn Tony awards.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Well, at least there’s Beyonce.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Can Hugh Jackman turn into wolverine and kill everyone? Oh no … he’s gonna sing .. he’s dancing now … there goes my childhood memories of Xmen …
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:53 pm
I cannot believe they just fucking mentioned Mamma Mia again. Also, my Gmail just gave me the following headline: “Madea tops box office”.
SO yeah, just wanted to write something before I bury myself alive.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:53 pm
i hate hugh jackman more than swaim hates women
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:53 pm
I’m boycotting this because Space Chimps was snubbed for even a nomination!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Oh no, there he goes again… WHYYYY?????
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Oh Shit he’s singing again . . .. Holy Mother of God!!!!!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:53 pm
WHYYYYYYY????
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:53 pm
NOOOOO! Another song! Dear God, why.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:53 pm
NOOOOO!!!! Wolverine why?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:53 pm
another music number!!!!!!!!!!! die jackman!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Silly writers, staff can’t be trolls!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:52 pm
oh god more singing
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Hey, it’s Malcolm Reynolds in that commercial.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:52 pm
I’m late, is this still going?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Christ how long does this shit go on for? I might just watch some House instead.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:52 pm
The musical is back?
May God have mercy on us all.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:52 pm
GODDAMMM BROCKWAY IS ON THE BALL!!!!! fuck this noise, im going to his site.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:52 pm
I actually didn’t give a shit why he was wearing that suit
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Watching Pineapple Express and Step Brothers should be considered torture by Geneva Convention standards. I’d rather be waterboarded than have to deal with either piece of shit so-called “comedy” again
People who find either one funny simply do not know what funny is
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Don’t worry DOB…. i still want to blow you while humming the soundtrack to The Dark Knight…. that’s almost an Oscar, right?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Okay people, Best Supporting Actor is next. We’re either honoring a dead man, or there’s some legions of fans who will proclaim another dead man (possibly several) if he loses. Brace yourselves. It’ll be rough either way.
And if the stage blacks out and you see neon glowing “Hahas” everywhere, run.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:51 pm
Hahaha Underprivileged youths……….
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:51 pm
Castle may be the most cliched show of all time
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:51 pm
Nothing else matters except how much I want to have sex with some of the pretty people at these awards. Even Heath Ledger, and he is dead.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:51 pm
i am high and i already played ping pong with ya mamma
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:51 pm
They’d better start shoveling out the awards now, I have work tomorrow.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:50 pm
yup boring
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:50 pm
Sure I’ve only caught about 15 minutes but so far I’m calling Hugh Jackman a fucking liar. Yeah, so many twists and turns … it’s so surprising that every year this gets worst and worst … bah …
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:49 pm
this is boring…more posts from cracked writers please. i dont want to read the message board all night.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:49 pm
I think James Franco and I could be really good friends. Like maybe get high and play ping pong on the weekends kind of friends. I don’t know… Just a thought.
Seriously though. I want to get high and play ping pong with James Franco.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:49 pm
Is DOB drunk enough to wonder if Tyler Perry will win an Oscar tonight?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:49 pm
@Darkdog you know what was really long too? My penis
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:49 pm
gran turino was better then frost nixon
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:48 pm
This part would be better if it were in Spanish, and I don’t understand Spanish.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:48 pm
fuckin catalina wine mixer
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:48 pm
Now the Oscar for live action movie you’ll never see.
DEUTCHLAND!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:48 pm
Franco trying to pronounce this movies` title was the best part of the night.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:47 pm
hahahahahaha
seth rogen rules
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:47 pm
fixed
Swaim Mario Info
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Super_Mario_World#Star_World_and_Special_Zone
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:47 pm
I WANT TO FUCK THE DARK KNIGHT AND HACE CHRISTIAN BALE YELL AT MUH BALLZ!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:47 pm
i vote no more foreign films mentioned tonight. i am bored.
OH but franco’s pronunciation problems made me giggle.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:47 pm
3 words: Boats and Hoes.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:46 pm
@DarkWolf
Die in a fire
If you didn’t like step brothers you are a pussy who doesn’t know how to laugh
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:46 pm
why does seth have to be the blackest suit guy? it’s distracting. is that velvet? you are so gay.
i still want to sex you.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:46 pm
Like I said, Seth Rogan was funnier when he looked like shit
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:46 pm
I too want to fuck James Franco and Seth rogen so hard
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:46 pm
not to take away from the Emmys
but college humor has a show on MTV
right now. who knew?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:46 pm
james franco hads aids
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:45 pm
What if people just hate the Dark Knight because they didnt like it and not to make themselves cool? Me? I thought it was good.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:45 pm
That was…… really long.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:45 pm
hahaha Franco rules
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:45 pm
Christian Bale should get on stage and trash their fucking lights
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:44 pm
James Franco is so, so, so hot. I’d do him even if he’s a stoner.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:44 pm
i usually like seth rogan, but this is lame as shit
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:44 pm
Swaim Mario Info
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mario’s_Wacky_Worlds#Star_World_and_Special_Zone
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:44 pm
Mamma Mia was just the worst thing ever.
They need to stop bringing up the fact that it was made.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:44 pm
Step-Brothers sucked
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:44 pm
Blah booooo bam Ba loosh……….
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:44 pm
did no one mention the domo arigoto mr. roboto???!!?? brilliance!!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:44 pm
SWAIM MARIO INFORMATION
Is it the one where your mother drinks during her pregnancy and in celebration of her son becoming an internet star we make sweet love on a bearskin rug?
If so, yes, I know what you’re talking about.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:44 pm
OOOOOH! I get it!
James Franco and Seth Rogen are high!!!
HILARIOUS.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:44 pm
your mom is over rated
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:43 pm
I want to fuck James Franco and Seth rogen so hard
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:43 pm
@DP13, if you cut pitt’s nuts off, africa will make all jolie’s babies.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:43 pm
I didnt know cracked attracted the “Im so cool I hate the dark knight” crowd
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:43 pm
The Love Guru!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:42 pm
More drugged up guys!!!!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:42 pm
@ DOB: Sorry about the wine. I drugged it. Il be there about… right after you pass out. In advance, sorry about the crabs.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:42 pm
SWAIM MARIO INFORMATION: The level I recall is Vanilla Secret 3, not any level in Donut. The P switch is after the half-way point, next to the pit of red spiky dude. You run back the way you came and hit the switch near the two pirhana plants to start collecting the silver coins that were once the jumping parakoopas at the beginning of the level.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:42 pm
dark knight is overatedddd
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:41 pm
So it wasn’t bad enough that they relegate Natalie Portman to the dishonor of presenting with Ben Stiller. No, now they just come back for like 30 seconds for Jessica Biel to say…nothing of interest? Come on!
Also, I mimic Gladstone’s distaste of the Twilight guy being on the Oscars. They haven’t given The Dark Knight one award yet, but THAT piece of crap has a dude presenting…something? I call bull.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:41 pm
Wait… Slumdog Millionaire is ACTUALLY about Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? Is Regis in it? If he isn’t, then I don’t understand how it can actually be winning Oscars.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:41 pm
shit, Jack had an accident.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:41 pm
Why isn’t Robert Downey Jr. playing both characters in The Soloist?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:41 pm
DOB is still trying to hold us in suspense
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:41 pm
cy tech thingamajigs? is that a technical term, or are you just batshit insane? also, wtf was with that shortass segment
SUCK MY NUTS WORDPRESS!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:41 pm
Dickdog Dickionaire! The Dickious Dick of Dickamin Dickon.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:40 pm
DOB had another stroke.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:40 pm
If the academy wanted ratings they can just give every award to the dark knight but it seems they are too artsy to do that
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:40 pm
SWAIM MARIO INFORMATION
PSYCHE!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA SUCK IT SWAIM!!!!!!!!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:39 pm
Swaim sure does take awhile to get belligerently drunk.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:39 pm
i love the camera panning to a completely unamused audience.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:39 pm
why should I care about rhetorical questions?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:39 pm
I miss 7th heaven
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:39 pm
I wanna put my dick between Sarah Jessica Parker’s boobs and cum on her face, but not look at her face too much.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:38 pm
why does everyone wear bathrobes
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:38 pm
Jessica Biel is too important to have a co-presenter?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:38 pm
The only reason I’m rooting for Slumdog for most of the categories is that I just saw it today. Otherwise, I would probably support another movie.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:38 pm
oh yay… what award wont TDK win this time?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:38 pm
SWAIM MARIO INFORMATION
Is it Vanilla Secret 1?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:38 pm
http://www.retrocheats.com/rc_supernintendo/snes_supermarioworld_locationlevel.htm
I think that’s what you’re looking for
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:38 pm
Joaquin Phoenix can do whatever he wants after being so amazingly creepy in Gladiator
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:38 pm
@SWAIM what the fuck are you doing playing the oldest game in the world!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:38 pm
If anybody switched to NBC during the comercial break you got to see a cat attack a woman’s crotch and then an old lady fall down the stairs
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:38 pm
what an asshole family.
abandoning their poor dog for some mastercard commerical
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:37 pm
so many British people winning! It’s making me want to clap politely in celebration… and perhaps have a second crumpet.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:37 pm
lackthereof is right, *yawn*
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:37 pm
fuck off, slumdog millionaire.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:37 pm
blah blah Dark Knight blah blah. It won`t win an award, this is the Oscars, not the Shouldhavewonsters
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:36 pm
Joaquin Phoenix will redeem himself if he sets fire to the theatre right now
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:36 pm
wife my ass! more like beard. or is it merkin when it’s a woman?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:36 pm
lawlz
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:36 pm
jackman appears and people leave in the background.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:36 pm
twlight movies SUCKSSS!!! and the books are for horny lil 5th grades who want a man and cant
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:35 pm
ok that was awesome. bring on the pheonix crazy.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:35 pm
Is the academy so faggy that they hate batman
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:35 pm
I officially want to set fire to Benjamin Button’s dick right now.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:35 pm
Slumdog and Button win everything.
There, I just saved us all another 1 1/2 hours
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:35 pm
FUCK YOU! WHY THE FUCK IS THE DARK KNIGHT NOT WINNING! SUCK MY DICK! SLUMDOG DICKONAIRE!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:35 pm
Tv is being set on fire.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:34 pm
Hopefully, Paul Newman rises from the dead and eats Brad Pitt and Sean Penn’s flesh. Then forces the Academy to have the Dark Knight win all awards and makes it so no Tim Allen Christmas movies/Twilight sequels are ever made. You know he would go in there with the Hansons and just fuck shit up, even if he’s dead.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:34 pm
Come on dark knight
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:34 pm
GO DARK KNIGHT GO DARK KNIGHT
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:34 pm
We love you Natalie!
I wanna fuck you too!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:34 pm
That’s clearly Ben Stiller in disguise
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:34 pm
Is it me or did Natalie’s sexiness peak with Beautiful Girls and The Professional? Once, she hit puberty things went downhill.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:34 pm
Ben Stiller being Joaquin Phoenix is hilarious. Portman handles it better than Letterman.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:34 pm
Dark Knight better fucking win for Cinematography or I’m gonna cut Brad Pitt’s nuts off. Then who’s gonna make yo babies, Angelina?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:34 pm
I change my vote on that.
That was pretty good.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:34 pm
funny guy? I thought that was Ben Stiller.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:34 pm
maybe stiller realized how bad he looks after i saw that poster for night of the museum 2.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:34 pm
TDK better win this, or I’m setting my TV on fire.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:34 pm
Now there’s a lady I’m totally gay for right there
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:33 pm
holy crap… a presenter joke that didnt suck “looks like you work at a hasidic meth lab”… win
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:33 pm
OOOOOOHHHHHH Phoenix . . . I get it . . . . I”m gonna go sit in the corner now . . .
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:33 pm
Abbie, don’t worry about it. It’s like how I’d bang Edward Norton.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:33 pm
I hope he starts rapping.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:33 pm
Speaking of a mis-matched couple. 1 part extremely hot Natalie Portman being hilarious, 1 part Ben Stiller is an asshole.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:32 pm
is it just me or has there been way more fuckups than normal this year? mics going out, people screwiing up lines, curtains not opening??
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:32 pm
the joaquin joke is lame as hell.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:32 pm
I heard that natalie portman will sit there right on your face and take a shit. Also my dick is scared of her.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:32 pm
what you need, natalie?
to fuck all night!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:32 pm
wait a minute….BROCKWAY=YAHTZEE CROSHAW?!?!?!i totally see it. A JOAQUIN PHOENIX JOKE FFFFUUUUUUUCKKKK YAAAAA!!!! that guys awesome.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:32 pm
Is Ben Stiller doing a Brad Pitt impression?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:32 pm
When did Ben stiller become alan moore?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:32 pm
Joaquin jokes.
GOL-DEN.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:32 pm
its half grey beard
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:32 pm
YES! Love Natalie Portman.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:32 pm
Stiller as Phoenix=FTW!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:31 pm
You’re right, Brockway. You should be on gay fashion TV.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Wait, have they gone to commercial? I can’t even tell anymore. Christ I’m drunk. Also, why is everyone gay? not that it’s bad, but why everyone?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:30 pm
octomom on tv.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:30 pm
There was like 3 minutes of montage right there and I have no idea what it was for.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:30 pm
Do you think all of the other Cracked bloggers have an inferiority complex because of the amount of DOB love? I bet Brockway is working on an internet book called Waiter right now.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:30 pm
Should Be Working, gotta agree. Hellboy should’ve won that.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:30 pm
that coke ad was fucked up
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:30 pm
It’s alright, Twilight isn’t nominated for anything.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:30 pm
By the way . . . I had the 666th comment on this page . . . coincidence? Probably, but I’m gonna pretend its not.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:29 pm
I wish I knew what misanthropic meant….. Or, you know, a few words with more than 7 letters.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:29 pm
Will Smith time?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:29 pm
fuck twilight, fuck it all to hell
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:29 pm
Best kiss goes to Sean Penn and James Franco.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:29 pm
Wall-E was the most romantic movie in the montage!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:28 pm
how dare they show a clip of high school musical during the fucking oscars?!
also, they just told me i was posting too fast when there was easily 10 minutes between posts. fuck you, internet.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:28 pm
so this is what, montage 3?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Spoildmilk
I would love to. I don’t know if I should be nervous that most of the people I want to do are women. Or if I should just accept that as awesome.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:28 pm
This Oscars is pretty shitty so far
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Make up the Dark Night must NOT win!
Hellboy 2 was prime make up wise!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:28 pm
DOB should just host and present all the Oscars.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Hah!!!!!! The Incredible Hulk waqs included in the montage! Kick ass!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:28 pm
man, BROCKWAY DOES IT AGAIN!!! funny shit. o fuck is twilight nominated for things? FUCK EVERYONES STUPID
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:28 pm
HSM3 in the montage! Fuck this! Royally fuck the Oscars in their Golden face.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:27 pm
everyone involved in the making of Twilight should be burned on stage, right now. I think that would really send a clear message to the movie industry
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:27 pm
ughhj
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:27 pm
zac efron should be banned from any awards that isn’t mtv
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:27 pm
i swear to god, if twilight wins something i will murder everything
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:27 pm
that twilight dude just cant stop glairing, can he.
and she looks like she got a cinderblock to the head to compact her appearence
before she went on.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:27 pm
Javier Bardem or whatever = Spanish version of The Comedian
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:27 pm
Abbie, I’m sure you can fit Anne in there as well.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:27 pm
Sucker for romance.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:27 pm
Haha, the guy from Twilight just made a joke.
Dick.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:27 pm
The accent just makes a vampire seem even gayer
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:27 pm
First interesting montage
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:27 pm
Well, now that Twilight has made an appearance at the Oscars, I believe we are all safe to kill ourselves. Ta ta!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:26 pm
why is coldplay playing here?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:26 pm
The Dark Knight should win fucking everything! And fuck lame presenter jokes!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:26 pm
At least Fucking Piece Of Shit (Twilight, to assholes) wont win anything
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:26 pm
OH, fuck. It’s that douche from that movie based on some book.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:26 pm
dickhead from twilight can’t even play himself convincingly
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:26 pm
F*ck Twilight in every way, shape and form.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:26 pm
a gay vampire…
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:26 pm
O Girl from Mean Girls/Big Love,
I am hopelessly in love with you.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Fuck Edward!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Daniel Craig needs to do me. Rabert Pattison needs to do me. OMG REALLY.
I need to have a threesome with them right now.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:25 pm
FUCK TWILIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:25 pm
can someone win who isnt a pole smoker?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Oh shit I called it! I win at Oscars!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:25 pm
dragonball evolutions gonna suck man. they basically made everyone whos japanese american, and vice versa. gokus a fucking skinny white guy. im still gonna watch it tho. obsessivly.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Motherfucker, old baby fucks things up again
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:24 pm
STOP GIVING BEN BUTTTON AWARDS NOW!
BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!
DOB- GIVE US ANOTHER PREDICTION! WE THROW OURSELVES AT YOUR
DIGITAL FEET!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:24 pm
well, i must admit: BB deserved the makeup award. hellboy and dark night just had a bit of face paint.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:24 pm
dark knight didn’t win makeup, and they even showed heath’s face.
the nerve of those motherfuckers
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:24 pm
Fuck Benjamin Button!
You’re telling me making him look old was BETTER than Hellboy and Abe Sapien?
Get the hell out of here
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:24 pm
again?!?!?! Why do so many people love BB? it didnt even look that interesting…
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:24 pm
Go Dark Knight Go Dark Knight GO DARK KNIGHT . . . .FUCK . . . Benjamen Button stole another one
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:24 pm
“Joker with a crazed psychotic twist” is she high? Are the writers high? What?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:24 pm
making Brad Pitt look like Hanz Moleman deos not deserve an academy award.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:23 pm
Make up. Dark Night. MUST WIN.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:23 pm
# Taylor Says:
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:22 pm
NEWS ALERT: The Dark Night was in-fact not as good as everyone thinks and was not as “deep” either. It was Ok. The Joker was a good role but by no means “amazing”.
OP here
Disregard that, I suck dicks
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:23 pm
$10 Says Button beats the shit out of TDK for makeup.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:23 pm
So Taylor, the person who thinks TDK is overrated cant even spell the goddamn title right.
Nice.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:23 pm
Taylor is such a contrarian. That makes him so edgy and cool
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:23 pm
DOB:my thoughts exactly
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:23 pm
Dark Knight should have won Costume Design. The fact that it wasn’t nominated is irrelevant.
It has a fucking batsuit.
Batsuit equals win.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:22 pm
6 letters,
DOB , lol
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:22 pm
boring shitty gay show
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:22 pm
Did wordpress just tell me I’m commenting too much on a liveblog event?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:22 pm
NEWS ALERT: The Dark Night was in-fact not as good as everyone thinks and was not as “deep” either. It was Ok. The Joker was a good role but by no means “amazing”.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:22 pm
dude Swaim is a total dude’s dude who really knows what to say to a dude when he’s watching dudes win awards on TV
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:22 pm
Thank all 3 people that saw the Duchess this year.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:22 pm
Can a straight American actually win an award tonight? I’m tired of hearing accents and lilts
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:21 pm
Dragonball Evolution will sweep the Oscars in 2010.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:21 pm
what? no one made the obligatory “why the long face” joke?… i’m ashamed of you all
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:21 pm
I wish I got a gold statue just for doing my job well
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:21 pm
am i the only one who thinks that TDK would have been the only nominee in everything if they somehow worked daniel craig in it?
though it might me impossible to make it more fantastic
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:21 pm
michal o’connor is totally rowan atkinson’s dad.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:21 pm
I hope DC beats the shit out of that horse.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:21 pm
show is boring
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:21 pm
man, Dragonball Z should get all oscars for the rest of eternity.
ITS OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:20 pm
I-rod you can kill a great pair of fake tits, that’s a war crime.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:20 pm
………….. and the nominees are…. such a big pause!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:19 pm
craigs not drunk, hes super nervous
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:19 pm
It should at this stage be pointed out that no one cares about art directors.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:19 pm
Yah, get off the stage the real awards are going to be presented
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:19 pm
The first Oscar that was robbed from Batman . . . . . . no scratch that . . . . TDK should get all Oscars and if it doesn’t, it was robbed
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:19 pm
They can do art decoration because they don’t have a personality.
Is this guy coming out in front of everyone over David Fincher?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:19 pm
…Did someone just delete all the posts in between 6:52 and 7:20?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:19 pm
Swaim can suck my non-existent black forty-two inch dick! And it’s not non-existent because I’m not black or because it’s forty-two inches, but because I’m female. But if I was a man, I’d have a forty-two inch black dick!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:19 pm
# Rashida Says:
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:15 pm
i’ve missed many minutes of blogging…….how drunk is Swaim?
Status says the heart is relaxed. Meaning he’s just getting buzzed by his standards, staggering around with boxers on your head and a beer bottle on your dick by everyone else’s, even Mickey Rourke.
I say he goes to the ER with alcohol poisoning by 11:30, only problem is instead of calling an ambulance, Gladstone will try to drive him. It wont end well.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:19 pm
how did benjamin button win for art direction?
once again, fuck you wordpress
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:18 pm
Why is that horse standing on stage? Is Daniel Craig going to ride him out? It has a lovely sheeny coat I’ll give you that.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:18 pm
Bond could kill SJP before anyone knew what happened. Just a suggestion.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:18 pm
At direction for benjamin button, thats what an old baby gets ya
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:18 pm
2 more queers
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:18 pm
Why is Phil Fulmer at the Oscars?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:18 pm
DUDE dont worry about it. all we have to do about the learning robot is send daniel craig after it. that guy kicks ass.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:18 pm
bond flubbed his line slightly.
goes really well with the new “imperfect bond” angle
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:17 pm
and the oscar goes to……oh who really gives a f*ck
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Fuckin Daniel craig is wasted.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Nice Singing in the Rain reference, Oscar people, but then you ruined it with Sarah Jessica Parker. Although I did think it funny that she was given the line “give her a facelift”.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:17 pm
@Swaim
Its called I, Robot. I’d tell you to look it up but I don’t know and/or hate you enough.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Go Dark Knight
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:17 pm
i JUST NOW realized they were doing a theme here, giving out awards in the same order a movie goes from script to theaters.
i think.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Someone, somewhere, is futilely shutting a stable door.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Why isn’t Daniel Craig hosting this? He is literally the coolest person outside of DOB that I have ever seen
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Does DOB get more money by hosting the live blog on his column?? If so everyone else is getting plowed in the ass, figuratively of course
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:17 pm
ahhhhhh! (again)
its a pterodyctayl!!!!!! its gonna eat it us all! watch out danial craig!!!
and her-
wait, no thats just sarah jessica parker.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:16 pm
two of Hollywood’s ugliest actors presenting one of the oscar’s most boring awards
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:16 pm
Sara Jessica Parker looks terrifying.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:16 pm
I think Sarah Jessica Parker has an Adam’s Apple.
And I kind of like it.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:16 pm
@Gladstone
I know! I couldn’t bring myself to watch Wall-E because it’s an obvious rip off of the robot in short circuit
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:16 pm
are those new breasts on SJP?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:16 pm
Does Swaim not own a Television?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:16 pm
SJP has a nice rack
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:16 pm
no more hugh jackman
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:16 pm
Hey kids! It’s Horseface!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:16 pm
Who let that horse on stage?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:16 pm
Bond and fake tits. nice!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:16 pm
i do not like SJP’s dress, or her face
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:16 pm
Swaim
Wants
Anuses
In
Mouth
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:16 pm
dushanbe4:
The house made of bricks.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:16 pm
Do you think Hugh Jackman is subtly mocking New Zealander’s accents right now?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:15 pm
007 and his Horse!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:15 pm
G-Stone you rock! I liked Wall-E but he was definitely a short gay Johnny 5. And DOB . . .there are no words to describe how much your racism made me laugh. People thought I was choking, for reals
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:15 pm
i’ve missed many minutes of blogging…….how drunk is Swaim?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:15 pm
No more musical numbers. Please!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:15 pm
This Oscars is going well, but could’ve been going much better if they just stuck to the usual presentation format. Introduction to award, award nominees, winner, winner’s speech. That is all.
Let’s go. Do it right, Academy.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:14 pm
I don’t care what anyone says, I think Jack Black is funny.
Also, In Bruges and Wall-E (in the screenplay department) got robbed. Oh, and why was a Japanese guy the maker of a French-titled film? That makes no sense to my sheltered, Amero-centric mind…
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:14 pm
redspiders, SUCK MY DICK, brockway PWNSSS to the MAX!!!just look at his picture! how do you argue with that?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:14 pm
Michael swaim can drag his nuts across my face any day.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:14 pm
I know you weren’t rooting for Kung Fu Panda, Gladstone. We all know how you watch Space Chimps with your mom every weekend.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:14 pm
I don’t care what anyone says, I think Jack Black is funny.
Also, In Bruges and Wall-E (in the screenplay department) got robbed.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:13 pm
Gladstone’s a terrible liar. Everyone knows totally gay with that panda. It’s their relationship that caused the end of HBN.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:13 pm
what the hell is “la maison blah blah blah petite cube?”
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:13 pm
g-stone, come on.
wall-e was good!
and i like to see cute things covered in garbage.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:13 pm
Brockway’s last one made me lose it. That was fucking hysterical.
Who says Swaim dies of alcohol poisoning by 11:30 East?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:13 pm
@G-Stone. One word: skadoosh.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:13 pm
@eggplantsama
it’s true
I’m only watching this crap because of the amusement offered by the cracked community
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:13 pm
SNAP
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:13 pm
yingling is not sold in indiana i am sad
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:12 pm
Brockway has yet to show any comedic potential. It makes me want to weep, because his sad attempts at humor cause my eyes to burn. Well, it’s either that, or the Oscars themselves. Seriously, they’ve set a new low this year. And I fucking love it.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:12 pm
who’s this Sankyu guy he keeps talking about??
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:12 pm
sank you very much,
hahaha, awesome
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:12 pm
Brockway just completely borrowed DOB’s persona for a moment.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:11 pm
I noticed theres a category fo documentary, short subjects, is it a category for midgets OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:11 pm
Do people really care about most of the animated shorts?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:11 pm
True story, I had no idea that guy was speaking English. I thought it was a bold move to give an acceptance speech in Japanese, but it turns out I’m a racist.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:11 pm
Domo Arigatou, Mr. Roboto.
Like, is this like how only black folks can say ‘negro’?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:11 pm
Styx FTW!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:11 pm
@ Whoopi is hilarious
Yea Presto should have at least been nominated
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:11 pm
hahaha domo arigato mr roboto
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:11 pm
Domo arigotou Mister Roboto- MADE MY NIGHT. =3
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:10 pm
If you’re up for an Oscar. At least learn the pronunciaton of THANK YOU.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Japanese guy mocking his people. Awesome
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Regardless of how terrible this whole thing is, they’ll inevitably have the most viewers on this occasion, that is of course, thanks to CRACKED.
Assholes.
I don’t know Swaim, I might dull the pain with some masturbation.
Zankyou for the suggestion.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:10 pm
I don’t understand one thing he said.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Sank you, sank you.
OMG.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:10 pm
sank you, sank you, sank you lol
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:10 pm
lol
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:10 pm
zank you bank you vewwy much was that right???
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:10 pm
SANKU BERY MUCH! cool guy.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:10 pm
“Well played”? was that scripted? cuz that’s kind of self-congratulatory isn’t it?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Did anyone see any of these animated shorts? Were they even released nation wide? Another time waster.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Presto got robbed
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:09 pm
hey look… an homage to sen. craig
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:09 pm
And now the Oscar for cartoon you haven’t seen…
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:09 pm
@imonarollagay: I was just showering when all of a sudden she got in with me. I would’ve left, but I figured she’s famous so why not.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:09 pm
haha nice french Rachel Green
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:09 pm
brockway, your as bad as all the horny bastards down there.
my god, you people can do BETTER!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:09 pm
I feel embarrassed for everyone who has to be in the theater with Jack Black right now.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:09 pm
HE’S SO FECKING HIGH.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:09 pm
I like the bitter angle.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:09 pm
lol tina fey and steve martin? horrifying.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:09 pm
I want to do to Jennifer Aniston what Chris Brown did to Rihanna.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:09 pm
C’mon Jack Black you could be funnier. . . you really could . . .
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:08 pm
@Distracting User Name - nice… robot chicken ftw
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:08 pm
wall-e is awesome,
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:08 pm
“I was really touched by the film I made”
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:08 pm
I dont think theres anyone that doesnt wanna bone tina fey
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:08 pm
Phil Perry was gay
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Those were people? That get paid to act? Huh.
Yay, Wall-E!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Holy f’ing asscrackers. Wall-E won.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:07 pm
chimps in space was amusing… didnt see any of the others
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Jennifer Aniston: WAAAALL EEEEE.
Shut the fuck up Jennifer Aniston I’ll drop kick you in the head.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:07 pm
aw i wanted kung fu panda to win
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:07 pm
how high is Jack black?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:07 pm
YES! Seriously well deserved. =3
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:06 pm
I’m currently trying not to go insane from the hundreds of texts i’m receiving from twitter. Apparently everyone on twitter feels like telling me exactly how the Oscars are going.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:06 pm
So which columnist has an Oscar for a penis? Or a golden penis shaped like an Oscar?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:06 pm
This show looks like it was done on the cheap. Who lost their money with Madoff? And what’s with the presenters reading screen shots of the scripts? Clever? No. Waste of time? Yes.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:06 pm
The fact that Space Chimps could be nominated for anything other than a severe assbeating is nothing short of a miracle.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Chimps in space. Why?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:06 pm
I actually liked Wall-E, it showed us what kind of fat assholes we’re all meant to become in 500 years
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:06 pm
hahah Jack Black FTW
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Space Chimps FTW
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:06 pm
montage #2 for those keeping score
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:05 pm
Is there a bigger douche on planet earth than Bill Maher?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:05 pm
o god the clone wars…Blasphemy!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:05 pm
Also, who is choosing the excerpts for the screenplays? “Latika! Latika!” isn’t exactly the best example of dialogue.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:04 pm
@ Untrustable. Yes. It is always if not moreso this boring.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:04 pm
pixar kicks ass.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:04 pm
jen please go on about your showering experience with Anne……….please!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:04 pm
WALL-E Better win.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:04 pm
jack blacks facial hair is really stanky.
makes DOB look like hugh jackman.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:04 pm
I would like to motorboat Jen’s titties.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:04 pm
Very High apparently
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:04 pm
Also, he’s drunk, or high, or something.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:04 pm
FUCK ANNE HATHAWAY. id like to punch her in her ruggedlly goodlookin face. (SWIG)
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:04 pm
wow… you’re not funny jack black…. get off stage
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:04 pm
These two are unfunny.
And ugly.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:03 pm
Fuck the Iron Giant.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:03 pm
Now lets see where Jack Blacks alcohol level is at
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:03 pm
Someone needs to teabag Jen Aniston.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:03 pm
I think this is the first time I’ve ever watched the Oscars. Is it always this boring?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:03 pm
Well I guess you know best about teabagging and being plugged into assholes.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:02 pm
Slumdog Millionaire wins. And so it begins.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:02 pm
Brockway really sucks when it comes to ad-libbing. Although that picture of Hugh Jackman playing piano with his feet is BAD-ASS.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:02 pm
There is the man who made falling into an outhouse an oscar worthy idea!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:02 pm
SHENANIGANS! swaim’s posts are tottaly made up hes TOTALLY watching the oscars right now
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:02 pm
SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!SWAIM FTW!!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:01 pm
The dark knight script also game us”whekgerngktnbfgbadf” and other stuff that mushmouth batman says
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:01 pm
Swaim we are in the same boat. If you also beat your bishop than we will be one and the same. These comments are seeming to keep me quite informed on the oscars events though.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:01 pm
thats the second time thats happened das
also… fuck you wordpress… i dont care if im posting to fast
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:01 pm
Latika from Slumdog Millionaire looks like an Indian Minka Kelly
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:01 pm
Is there somewhere I can buy a copy of these movies with Steve Martin reading the stage directions?
Nailed it.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:01 pm
Did DOB have a stroke or something?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:01 pm
DOB: I went to college with Anne Hathaway (well, I went and she showed up whenever she damn well pleased) and she is NOT hot. Her stylist/makeup artist/trainer are excellent, but she is (at best) average looking.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:01 pm
The Dark Knight script gave us: Why So Serious? That line alone should receive the Oscar.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:01 pm
@ das_wootman
they do that to add suspense
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:01 pm
So the gays are gonna sweep.
DAMN YOU HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA!!!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:00 pm
What’s the matter DOB, computer broken??
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:00 pm
Wow, I wish I got the answer Absolutely everytime I said sleep with me.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:00 pm
Woo! Heath Ledger!
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:00 pm
Tina Fey, please dont waste your love on Steve Martin.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:59 pm
the typewriter thing is getting old
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:59 pm
DOB - did you just say nothing?
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:59 pm
@imonarollagay what?! how do you think we all got here? you think anyone ever INTENTIONALLY comes to arkansas?
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:59 pm
If Martin uses the Clouseau accent, I will puke all over my Mac.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:59 pm
they’re still talking…
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:59 pm
And at the end of the night, WALL-E walked away with a record 40 Awards, including, and especially, Best Foreign Language Film and Best Live Action Short Film.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:59 pm
i, oddly enough, havent seen milk. any good?
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Aww, my heart melted a little, I’m such a woman.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:59 pm
milk speech. mmmm.
heartfelt. shame i cant feel anything.
*sniffle*
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:59 pm
What an atrocious haircut he had.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:58 pm
nobody accidently comes to Arkansas abbzey
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:58 pm
The Internet just Won.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:58 pm
Apparently, gay people are beautiful creatures.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:58 pm
Goddamn queers
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:58 pm
Man, too bad for In Bruges.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:57 pm
No surpirse that a gay writer wrote the screenplay for Milk
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:57 pm
colin farrell=totally hot.
i heard he’s kind of slutty and he’s a drinker, so i bet i could totally hit that if he should ever accidentally come to arkansas.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:57 pm
@ Whoopi is hilarious: about as veiled as Penelope Cruz’s accent.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:57 pm
AWWW I had money on Wall-E. Well thats the first 100 bucks I’ll lose tonight
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:57 pm
Actually, I liked Milk, I’m pretty happy with this.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:57 pm
well milk won, no surprise there. i think it will win a lot tonight
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:57 pm
man Tina Fey is Hot 2 Def as I believe you crazy American kids are saying these days (this is 1994 right?)
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:56 pm
Wall-E= Aging gay robot
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:56 pm
wait, Courtney Hunt? C. Hunt? REALLY???
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:56 pm
A Scientology joke in Hollywood? Isn’t that like a child-molesting-priest joke in the Vatican?
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:55 pm
Por favor, senor Gladstone please bring HBN back!
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:55 pm
Tina Fey and Steve Martin have as much chemistry as that couple from that cheerio commercial.
(You had help, I’m on my own out here!)
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:55 pm
Yah, G-Stone that is exactly what she said.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:55 pm
lila and ray are ugly
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:54 pm
steve isnt really that funny tonight… it all seems forced
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Was that a veiled Scientology joke?
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:54 pm
@annie
Yeah I definately heard someone shout ‘open it’ as well
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:54 pm
TINA FEY!
So many girls I want to have hot lesbian sex with. HOLY SHIZNAT.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:54 pm
steve martin should be killed
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Steve Martin and Tina Fey. This is the best part of the program so far.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:54 pm
@abbie
I heard that too
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Th Pink Panther 2 made me not want to live.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:54 pm
hello steve martin! how are you?
pink panther 2, huh?
ill kill your family…
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Tina Fey.
So hot right now.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Hey. Steve Martin and Tina Fey. Two more people I would totally fame bone.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:54 pm
At last, funny people
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:53 pm
So Marisa Tomei looks awesome at the Oscars, but in the picture that accompanied her nomination, she looks all cracked out and old. Why in the name of God would they use that?
Also, does anyone else wanna kill Whoopee Goldberg with me?
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:53 pm
Who invited Sarah Palin?
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:53 pm
Fucking sweet. Also, I would like to bone Tina Fey.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:53 pm
Whoever let Hugh Jackman sing and dance at the oscars deserves to be beaten then shot……then beaten again.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:53 pm
steve martin is a douche, and that script thing was kitshce at best
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:53 pm
i love Tiny Fey! she is so great
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:53 pm
@Writer…
I still would though that’s the worrying part!
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:53 pm
funny hugh… i could have sworn that they wrote the screenplay… not a movie