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Learn Your Motherf#@kin' Science: A Textbook for Juggalos

You should really watch this video. Yes, it's the moment you've been waiting for: The Insane Clown Posse just came out with a new song.

It's called "Miracles," and it isn't just any old cut of sick joker mayhem; it's something special: an opportunity for the ICP to celebrate all of the mysteries of the universe. There is so much magic, so many unexplained phenomena occurring every day, that the Detroit Clown Madness Duo simply can't contain its awe.

Oddly, what the Insane Clown Posse categorize as "magical unexplained mysteries" involve things like "rainbows" and "giraffes" and "magnets." Somewhere down the line, the public school system has failed Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope. That's right, I blame not Misters J and Dope, but the system. The burden of education falls on the shoulders of our teachers, not students. If the traditional methods of teaching aren't getting through to a child, it is the obligation of the teacher to find a new method that will.

Or, alternately, it is my obligation.

I've created a juggalo-friendly textbook, taking into account the song's claim that they "don't wanna talk to a scientist," who they consider to be a "lying motherfucker" intent on "getting [them] pissed." To that end, every lesson will be directly based on actual ICP lyrics, and every page will be packed with in-your-face juggalo clown-rage. Or, the best clown-rage I can muster.

Juggaloco Psycho Clown-speak is a shockingly complex language.


Daniel O'Brien is a backflipping blackbelt in outerspace funk. His series, Agents of Cracked, is up for an award and you can vote for it here.

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