Lance Bass Doesn't Know A Lot About Being Gay
Former boybander and current openly gay has-been Lance Bass told reporters that he was paranoid about his sexual orientation while he was in NSync:
"I was always watching what I said, what I did. You would learn so many things throughout the years, like, gay people do this and gay people say this. I remember one time someone told me that if you say the word 'so' a lot, that's a tell that you're gay. I was so afraid to say the word 'so' in anything I did! That's how crazy things got for me."
Wow. So Lance was so scared of being outed he stopped saying "so." And, yet, he walked around with this haircut:
And he was a member of this band:
Clearly, poor Lance was confused during that tumultuous time. Here are some other things I'm guessing he did to hide his sexuality:
- Messed up choreographed dances on purpose.
- Tried to turn straight by staring at Joey Fatone.
- Refused to have sex with Lou Pearlman like the other guys.
- Told female groupies that "flaccid" was the hip, new "erect."
- Only let Justin get to third base.
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Gladstone writes for Cracked and others. Go to Wayne Gladstone Lives in Maine to see all his published stuff, links to his other worthless endeavors, and his full name and state of residence.
This is a great story also posted it to twitter. Thanks!
ReplyThese are so gorgeous! I love the two bottom ones! Fantastic, unlike all the rest you see these days..Great blog btw:).
Replylance bass is still gay because that is the reason
ReplyWhat's the diff? He IS a cargo drum.
ReplyHe tried that a few years ago, but at the last minute couldn't come up with the money to go. They replaced him with a cargo drum.
ReplySomeone please jump on the grenade and launch this guy into space. How much could it possibly cost? Couple mill? I'll donate. Here's fitty cent. C'mon, Moscow, get on the ball.
ReplyHas anybody noticed that none of the writers have commented today?
ReplyWhat did they do take off for Christmas? Did they take off just today because they the new Batman trailer came out, or are they just not talking to us anymore?
I dont know if i have special abilities or somthing, but this guy has the gayest face ive ever seen, u mean there was ever a doubt?
ReplyLance was my favorite N*Syncer back when I was 8.
ReplyWhich fact makes me gayer: My liking of Lance, or the fact that I listened to N*Sync when I was 8 and my favorite song of theirs WASN'T "Bye Bye Bye" or "It's Gonna Be Me".
What? I LIKED THE SONG "SPACE COWBOYS", OKAY?! It had Left Eye from TLC on that track!
Lance Bass is gay?!,oh yeah right, next you're gonna tell me that Freddie Mercury was gay!
ReplyP.S. Flaccid isn't the new erect?
It always amuses me how he says he hid his sexuality "to protect the group." As if somehow he was a key member, and not merely Justin's backup dancer.
Reply