A Guitar-Shredding, Dinosaur-Killing Martial Arts Master: The Friday Nooner (EST)!
Awesome Video Of The DayOur #1 Commenter (Is A Douchebag)
Over the course of the last few months, the Cracked Blog has received a whole bunch of comments. Some of them have been insightful, some have been marginally coherent, and a good number of them have been spam for some site called sugarmommy.com. Through thick and thin, though, through everything that has come to pass, there has been one man, a dedicated commenter who has made it all worth it.
I'm talking, of course, about Nick.
A veritable geyser of useful information, Nick has always been there for us when we needed him most. Luckily, it turns out that Nick is an expert on pretty much every single topic that has come up! In the past few months, I've had the unique pleasure of reading Nick's thoughts on:
I have to admit it: I was skeptical at first. I thought to myself, "How can this kid possibly be an expert on all these topics?" I scoffed when he said that people who play Guitar Hero are wasting their lives away, but do you know what Nick does instead of playing it? HE PLAYS A REAL GUITAR. That's right - Nick can play this song from Final Fantasy, and guess what? HE'S NEVER EVEN PLAYED THE GAME. Say what you will, but you know what? That's really impressive. Impressive enough that when he gives me very specific instructions on how to kill a Tyrannosaurus Rex, I'm willing to listen. And when he tells me all about how awesome his computer is, I'm going to go out and buy a computer just like it. That's because - unlike a lot of people that might think he's totally full of shit - I understand that Nick is an expert on all things.
And while I'll never be as learned on nearly as many subjects as Nick, I'd like to close this post with a humble achievement of my own: I'm no math expert, but I think I've finally solved the age-old "Internet + Anonymity = ???" problem:
Thanks, Nick - I couldn't have done it with you.
Great. Now you guys ran Nick off before he could tell us how to destroy Hannah Montana.
ReplyI lol'd.
Replycheck the definition of validity ahole
ReplyNick can't help it if he totally pwns everyone at everything he does, LEAVE NICK ALONE! *tear*.
Reply.....Justin.... has ....average ...sized.. penis...nicknamed ...same .....as Wii guitar controller.....got it ,thanks Justin.
ReplyNon-cracked-editor Ross and glendoor are right. For the blog entry about me, I'd just like to clarify that I have an average-sized penis. Or it's smallish. I really don't know, to be honest, but it has the same nickname as my Les Paul guitar controller for the Wii (Axel), so that's kind of neat.
ReplyEveryone knows you can't kill a T-Rex by tripping it. That's because the metric system doesn't apply to dinosaurs.
ReplyAlso, is it possible to compile a huge list of all the facts bestowed unto us by he who is known as Nick? That would be awesome, but I'm too lazy to do it alone.
No, see, this is not the correct way to insult someone. As anyone who has insulted for 15 years can tell you (I myself have been doing so for 18), the proper form is to make fun of their mother. This will not only make them feel bad about their mother, but about themselves, as a person raised by a dirty whore is a dirty whore themselves. Watch my youtube video!
ReplyWell there's not but about six of us, I don't know why not.
ReplyDo we all get our own special blog entry now?
ReplyThe best way to kill a T-Rex is undeniably to drop a huge meteor in the vicinity of the Gulf of
ReplyMexico approximately 65 million years ago.
Nick isn't the least bit insulted but is flattered by this post, which proves once and for all, if anyone thought that the mound of evidence brought against him just now wasn't enough, that he is a fucking moron.
ReplyBy the way, the right way to kill a T-Rex is simply to make him trip (like, with a rope tied between two trees). His arms are too weak to prevent the skull from hitting the floor with the full force of a 10 meters high fall, especially when running at around 20km/h.
ReplyNick reminds me of Dwight Schrute.
ReplyThis entry and its comments are utterly fantastic. :-D
ReplyForget wikipedia-ing the verb. This is proof that wikipedia has become wikisentient. Don't be surprised to soon see the entry for Cracked be deleted in it's first expression of the the emotion it defines as "revenge".
ReplyI'd noticed a comment or two by the infamous Nick before, but I never had any idea that his mastery of everything was so complete. It's a shame he will not be around to share his enlightenment after Monday.
ReplyGod I hope that video of me molesting a goat doen't come back to haunt me.
ReplyAl Gore is now my hero.
ReplyNick is one of the greatest men who ever walked the earth. How dare you people treat him otherwise. I know what it is like to have accomplished so much with my massive intellect and experience and still be the butt of numerous jokes (i.e.. the '00 election). He suffers from persecution the likes of which an Auschwitz survivor would know and to be honest I think Nick knows a little more than that. I know what it is like to create great things (i.e.. the internet, global warming awareness) and be burned in the sick fire of flaming. Let me just be the first who says Nick deserves everything coming to him for he has traversed this world far and wide and knows more than you can your whole family could ever imagine knowing combined. Thanks and please write me in in '08.
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