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A Guitar-Shredding, Dinosaur-Killing Martial Arts Master: The Friday Nooner (EST)!

Awesome Video Of The DayOur #1 Commenter (Is A Douchebag)

Over the course of the last few months, the Cracked Blog has received a whole bunch of comments. Some of them have been insightful, some have been marginally coherent, and a good number of them have been spam for some site called sugarmommy.com. Through thick and thin, though, through everything that has come to pass, there has been one man, a dedicated commenter who has made it all worth it.

I'm talking, of course, about Nick.

A veritable geyser of useful information, Nick has always been there for us when we needed him most. Luckily, it turns out that Nick is an expert on pretty much every single topic that has come up! In the past few months, I've had the unique pleasure of reading Nick's thoughts on:

  • Atheism Vs. Religion
  • Computer Programming
  • Martial Arts
  • Humor
  • Why Guitar Hero Is Stupid
  • I have to admit it: I was skeptical at first. I thought to myself, "How can this kid possibly be an expert on all these topics?" I scoffed when he said that people who play Guitar Hero are wasting their lives away, but do you know what Nick does instead of playing it? HE PLAYS A REAL GUITAR. That's right - Nick can play this song from Final Fantasy, and guess what? HE'S NEVER EVEN PLAYED THE GAME. Say what you will, but you know what? That's really impressive. Impressive enough that when he gives me very specific instructions on how to kill a Tyrannosaurus Rex, I'm willing to listen. And when he tells me all about how awesome his computer is, I'm going to go out and buy a computer just like it. That's because - unlike a lot of people that might think he's totally full of shit - I understand that Nick is an expert on all things.

    And while I'll never be as learned on nearly as many subjects as Nick, I'd like to close this post with a humble achievement of my own: I'm no math expert, but I think I've finally solved the age-old "Internet + Anonymity = ???" problem:

    Thanks, Nick - I couldn't have done it with you.

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    Ross Wolinsky

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