Jude Law—who recently stunned audiences everywhere by edging out reigning champion Ewan MacGregor for the coveted title of The World’s Most Precious Man—has learned a thing or two about himself in the year since the fact that he cheated on then-fiancée Sienna Miller with a portly nanny became public.
Specifically, he’s discovered that the best way to learn is through not learning:
There’s no regret. You can’t regret. I mean, I’ve felt regret but I’ve also refused to allow regret to sow a seed and live in me because I don’t believe it. You feel it, it’s like guilt, it’s like jealousy, it’s like all those horrible things and… You’ve just got to snip them and get them out, because they’re no good. Because if you regret, in a way, have you learnt and moved on?
Some would say, my dear Jude, that perhaps you have this exactly backwards, and that it is by actually regretting that you learn and move on. Because otherwise, what you’ve learned is that you’re a cheating bastard, and what you’ve moved on to is a future of more cheating bastardness. Which is fine with me, of course, but I warn you that the nannies will get portlier and the fiancées less trusting as time goes on.
However, I really do think Mr. Law may just have created the next big thing in celebrity apologies:
“Now, ladies and gentlemen, kids, Mom, Dad, Mr. President—the important thing here is that the animals in question are receiving treatment, the Girl Scouts have declined to press charges because none of the witnesses could be located, Mistress Marmalade has graciously agreed to offer refunds for the dildos, and the deposit on the clown suit more than covered the damage to the hot tub—so as far as this unfortunate incident is concerned, I could feel regret, but if I did, how could I really learn and move on?”
This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 20th, 2007 at 4:00 pm and is filed under Celebrity News, Infidelity, Jude Law, Sienna Miller. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Ian's Unnecessary Farewell Post Roundup
Economic Meltdown: What Can YOU Do?
Ian's Unnecessary News Roundup
When LOLcats Attack!
Copyright © 2005 - 2009 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
November 29th, 2008 at 1:38 am
i do not entirely know the specifics of the story, but i know that it is nog good to cheat. i do not know wheather or not anyone cheated though
December 3rd, 2007 at 2:56 am
what a joke! Someone just PSed his pictures to some hot nude pictures and then uploaded them to an onliine site Sugarmommymeet.. you know the site is a rich women seeking sugar babies site.. so it says he is looking for a sugar mommy… haha..
a little bit ridiculous!!!!!!!!!
November 22nd, 2007 at 4:42 pm
He just can’t get angry at anything any more.
I suppose if Jude Law played Carter instead of Stallone there’d be an uproar.
November 21st, 2007 at 10:19 pm
i guess Caine wasn’t too mad. Law is reprising another Caine part: his role in Sleuth. While Caine plays the old Laurence Olivier role.
November 20th, 2007 at 5:10 pm
I still haven’t gotten over the remake of Alfie.
Fuck you Jude Law. Michael Cain is old and geriatric and he’d still knock seven bells of shit out of you for your portrayal of one of his best characters.
November 20th, 2007 at 4:36 pm
But in that same interview Jude swore he’d never cheat again. Because it was wrong? Because it might upset his girlfriend? Because it set a bad example for his kids? No, no and no again. Because it was too much of a drag for him when it gets in the papers. He truly is a massive cock.
November 20th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
I wonder if people wouldn’t be more accepting of his filandering ways if the nanny hadn’t been a bit more toothsome?
(Though from the pictures I’ve seen, she doesn’t look portly– if anything, rather average. Though, maybe being totally average is a bigger insult nowadays? I mean, even Lyle Lovett was able to wrangle that ginger-haired bottom-feeding suction eel…)
November 20th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
Jude Law is a douchebag. That said, if I were him I’d bone everyone I could too. I do it now, and if I get caught I’d damn well better express regret; must be nice to get a celebrity “get out of jail free” card. With him he’s so bored boning all the hottest poon in the world he’s resorted to portly nannies just for a change of pace. Asshole.