Last week during a slow news day, it was reported that a man in England found what appeared to be a grid-like network of roads on the floor of the Atlantic Ocean using the latest version of Google Maps. Naturally he immediately assumed he had found the lost continent of Atlantis, and alerted the appropriate authority, which in England is apparently the Telegraph.
One thing you’ll notice if you look at this on Google Maps yourself is that the area is huge, and actually pretty easy to spot. I’m serious, go see for yourself. Unlike those stories where Google Earth was used to find ancient Roman villas or undisturbed forests, and involved someone with multiple Ph.D.s sitting hunched over a computer for days on end, this “Atlantis” can easily be spotted by a half wit with four or five beers in him (That’s a pretty fair description of most English, actually).
The fact that it’s so easy to spot suggests to me that it might not be terribly unique. In fact, after a couple minutes of scrolling around the world, I’ve found similar straight line/right angle combinations off the coast of Ireland, in Hudson’s Bay and a little northeast of Siberia. Which means that the Atlantians were either prolific road builders and I just became the world’s most incredible oceanographer, or that I have found absolutely nothing, and remain the idiot that genetics and past history say I am and always shall be.
So what to make of these lines then? Well, in the original Telegraph article, the reporter managed to get a quote from an Atlantis expert, but didn’t bother talking too an actual oceanographer, or you know, Google. In fact, when someone did eventually get around to calling them, a Google spokesperson squashed the story. They stated,
“Bathymetric (or seafloor terrain) data is often collected from boats using sonar to take measurements of the seafloor. The lines reflect the path of the boat as it gathers the data.”
Which sounds relatively convincing, in the same way that it sort of made sense when Geordi LeForge inverted the polarity of the subspace wheezit to get the Enterprise out of another inadvertent-holodeck-sentience related jam. As a web comedian, I’m marginally underqualified to analyze the scientific merits of Google’s explanation. What I am qualified to do though is express disappointment that Google didn’t try and string this along for awhile, and see how this played out. You know, act all mysterious for a couple months, or at least until a few lunatics drown in the Atlantic in homemade diving rigs. By clarifying this issue so rapidly, Google may have been acting in an ethically and scientifically responsible manner, but they really shit in the cornflakes of a good potential prank on conspiracy nuts.
Here then is how I would have strung along the world for a few days, provided I was in some sort of position of authority at Google. Senior VP of Jerking Around The Rubes perhaps.
__
1) Quickly replace this section of the map with a version that’s digitally manipulated to reveal no grid like lines. Deny the published images are real. Blame it on overactive imaginations and Photoshop trickery.
2) Adjust the search results for “Atlantis” to prefer sources that downplay any historical basis for Atlantis. Edit Wikipedia liberally with the same intention, leaving Google IP addresses in the logs.
3) Change every font on Google to unreadable and ancient looking glyphs for a few hours. Nautical themed if possible. Seaweed and tridents and whatnot.
4) Quietly funnel billions of dollars into research on artificial gills. When this information leaks, issue a public statement denying the allegations. Be sure to unnecessarily confirm your allegiance to the “dirtwalking government of the United States.”
5) Find an old bomb siren and install it on the roof of Google HQ. Set it off one day, and have everyone rush outside to the front lawn in a panic and start building an Ark.
6) For the suspect region, at the maximum zoom level, replace the “we don’t have imagery at this zoom level” error message with this:
This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 24th, 2009 at 5:00 am and is filed under Atlantis, Google. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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September 12th, 2009 at 11:10 am
It makes no sense. You’re saying that murder is wrong, then hammering the point home by publically murdering people. And if you really, absolutely have to kill someone, couldn’t you at least be humane? Do you have to electrocute them, for god’s sake?
September 4th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
@Micheal
The death penalty is far more civilized than forcing criminals to stay in a cage for 60+ years. I’d take death before life in prison anyday.
Then again, when countries give rapists/murderers fucking Wii’s to play with, maybe I should go to one of your countries and commit a crime just to get free room, board, and cable!
August 19th, 2009 at 9:42 am
“5) Find an old bomb siren and install it on the roof of Google HQ. Set it off one day, and have everyone rush outside to the front lawn in a panic and start building an Ark.”
Genius.
August 19th, 2009 at 8:43 am
@ohyes: Boat fires?
August 16th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
In what circumstance would a firefighter merman be necessary?
July 10th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
A little late entering this whole debate YES. Nice article Bucholz, I wish I had read about this when it happened but oh well.
Also, Im English, and Im ACTUALLY currently drinking cider [I see that's popular on this comment thread] (Strongbow because they didn’t have any Bulmers but WHATEVER)
Anyway, Im not offended and I dont think anyone should be, I saw the debates about which countries are stereotypical for drinking, but at the end of the day, if alcohol is legal in a country, and people like drinking it, then it will be drunk.
SHOCK HORROR!
People who take it so seriously should grow up and have the proper debates over which nation is the best in the Xenophobic threads in the forum section.
June 21st, 2009 at 3:37 am
Well, maybe we wouldn’t if you didn’t call us drunks and go around thinking that you’re somehow the greatest country in the world. You still have the death penalty, for god’s sake, so by many people’s standards you’re not even a civilised country.
June 16th, 2009 at 6:51 am
I am from America and living in England. Yes, yes you do.
May 27th, 2009 at 7:07 am
I’m from England, we don’t hate Americans in the slightest.
April 7th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
What about the Iraqie’s? Are they drunks?
March 10th, 2009 at 4:43 am
Toni-Lou.
I’m a bird too.
March 6th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
[...] Google is working with the Stonecutters. [...]
March 3rd, 2009 at 8:35 am
whoa whoa whoa guys, settle down. If i wanted to read racist comments that have nothing to do with the article they’re posted below, i’d be at . . . oh wait, this IS cracked.com. carry on then.
February 28th, 2009 at 1:17 am
Premise: I don’t mean to piss anyone off, so if you can’t read this without screaming outrage, fuck you. Also it was meant to be a small comment, it turned out long, sorry about that.
Silvio, about your brits in mallorca:
my wife is british (I am not) and as far as I could gather during these years, they’re still angry at the “jerries” for WW2 (those who were there, and those who have been taught about it when they were little by those who were there first hand).
Also I think the fact the british royals are basically germans helps with the “let’s take the piss” attitude.
Damien…
“America is generally called the evil empire by Europeans for BEHAVING MUCH BETTER at the top of the power chain” ?
“maybe we can fix the problems that Europe’s colonialism created” ???
Did the military tell you that ?
I have no intention to offend you or any of your brothers-in-arms, but it’s hogwash (brainwash?).
I’m sure most of your people think they are doing good in the world, at least at foot-soldier level (leaving out the crackjobs that are in it because they’re mental, and there are plenty), but I’m afraid the end result is not as shiny as you believe.
And dude, if you’re called the evil empire one reason could be that you don’t think twice before bombing anywhere you like without giving a shit, and it usually boils down to oil or controlling a foreign country via the installed-dictator-of-the-month.
That doesn’t look good man, I assure you.
Also, guys, a-hem - the U.S. IS european colonialism.
When I offer my opinion on something american I’m more often than not told “fuck off you’re european”. Americans forget that so are most of them and all of their ancestors, they’re just living far from home (exception made for american natives and other various immigrates from around the world of course).
And just in case someone thinks “boo he’s rooting for the brits, them ebil”, at street level they are too often drunken aggressive-cowardly bums with a penchant for irresponsible sex (the gov’ment will give you money and a house if you get pregnant, so who gives a shit?) and they are (not-so) slowly spiralling down to the point where they’re one step away from walking the streets grunting with a club in hand.
February 27th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
Broccoli boy….I am a beer swilling Brit bird who loves going out on a weekend night & talking to inanimate objects & having a rant with the twats in Subways & generally having a good old gee-rarf! It is part of our culture, so why are you so embarrased about us or are you just brown nosing? If we didn’t go out then there’d be a lot more people out of jobs over here that’s for sure! It is called having fun & we certainly know how to do that, there are a bunch of knobs that go that one step too far & pick fights etc but the rest of us are just in for the kicks! What else have we got to do on this little island of ours? Splash in puddles or go visit the Queen
February 27th, 2009 at 8:35 am
[...] Google is working with the Stonecutters. [...]
February 27th, 2009 at 8:16 am
EyesLikeBroccoli:
You sound like a good friend of mine here in Korea
Carpe Diem
He’s (British/English/European) as well. I told him about the anti-americanism that arose from all of this and he was ashamed. Unfortunate because I found being the opposition to be quite fun. Unfortunately I do have a demanding job so I can’t keep on top of it; but it has been a fun and lazy two days
(By the way write all you want; I’ll be too busy to answer. It’ll be just like that British bloke who tried to kill me with a brick when I was five because I’m half Irish and half German.)
Sorry I do have a bit of racism against the British in me despite my friends; I accept my friends but I don’t accept the culture that made it okay to let people try to kill me when I was a child. Or my uncle for that matter (born mostly Irish).
February 27th, 2009 at 5:08 am
This article was great, mainly because it sparked off such a brouhaha over one simple, tongue-in-cheek comment.
I’m British/English/European [delete where appropriate] and I found the ‘pretty fair description’, well, pretty fair. And funny, I hasten to add.
Go out in any British town or city on a Friday or a Saturday night and I can guarantee there’ll be a grotesque carnival of beer-swilling, rosy-cheeked anglo-saxons gallumphing their crapulent way through the streets [and that's just the women], picking a fight with whatever object comes into their immediate line of vision [normally streetlamps and pavements] and decorating the concrete with a delicate smorgasbord of kebab, chips and vomit.
The booze culture in this country is embarrassing. Our history of colonialism is embarrassing. We are pretty much a huge embarrassment.
But at least I can laugh about it whilst clasping my bottle of cider and lying in a puddle of my own urine.
February 27th, 2009 at 3:38 am
oh. and it IS true. the brits DO have a pub culture. you wont find as many people in pubs and bars as in england (the whole island. don’t bother pointing out that there are more “countries”). and the people i met, usually drink more then others, from other countries. THAT DOESNT MAKE THEM BAD PEOPLE. its just a fact.
February 27th, 2009 at 3:35 am
i don’t understand why people get upset here now. because the Brits have been painted in a slightly incorrect light? so what? its comedy. have you ever watched your own tv shows on the island? if you want to see some a-grade racism, there’s your source.
gee. get over yourselves. it’s freakin funny. no need to start beeing all british and arrogant about it. i used to live with brits on mallorca/spain for a very long time. nice people. but almost all of them racist. the things i had to take from them just because i am german…and it’s all meant to be funny. so just shut the fuck up, and enjoy a good joke. nobody thinks less about you if you just let it go.
February 26th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
Louis
I think that your assessment is fair. Nationality doesn’t determine a person. Indeed I think that when people talk about countries being good or evil they are talking about the respective gov’t actions and not the actual people (or so I hope anyways).
He shouldn’t have stereotyped your country’s people that way.
February 26th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Britain
According to this definition it’s my first definition. (Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland and England). In which case England has fought numerous war with Scotland before unification. It has fought numerous wars with Wales before subjugation. It has fought numerous wars in Northern Ireland (or rebellions and wars, perhaps) before and after annexation (the reason it’s protestant; Cromwell forced the Catholics he didn’t kill to leave back in the 1600’s before he became a dictator). So those are the countries with Britain that have fought other countries within Britain.
February 26th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
As to the other question I’m not sure what you are asking. You’d have to answer the defining question first . . .
February 26th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Panzer,
The composition of Britain entirely depends on the definition of Britain. If you consider ‘Britain’ to represent the United Kingdom then it consists of Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland and England. You may consider Wales and England to be Britain, or maybe even just England. Some would say that Britain is every country that is a member of the dominion system.
Anyways I didn’t mean to sound so angry; I’ve just noticed that America is generally called the evil empire by Europeans for behaving much better at the top of the power chain than Europeans did (and still do to a lesser extent) when they were at the top. So when someone calls America the malicious and destructive child it strikes a nerve. Especially since a lot of our people die thinking that they are doing some good in the world; that maybe we can fix the problems that Europe’s colonialism created (I was a soldier for 7 years; that kind of thinking is very prominent in our armed forces).
February 26th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Ruined by that one racist remark. (Not really, it was boring)
Now, I don’t like comparing one country to another, because _I_ don’t represent the whole damn thing. Nationality doesn’t mean shit, which is the whole crux of the anti-racism arguement, no? I’m offended because Mr. Bucholz thinks that being stupid and/or drunk is a ‘fair description’ of the majority of people of my country. It’s not some patriotic bullshit, I’m personally offended by his judgements.
February 26th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Google Maps is truly hiding stuff. The “Bloop” noise, which is located at 50 S 100 W has lines like the gridlines, but are random, and erratic. There aren’t little boats making those, they are 2 or 3 miles wide. Anybody else think that we need to prepare for a cthulhu attack?
February 26th, 2009 at 9:45 am
That article would have been 26224902476 times better if not for the misjudged and blatant racism.
Try going to England before making stupid assumptions about its people. (Y)
February 26th, 2009 at 8:32 am
You know, all this infighting is exactly why the Gaels kicked ass in Britain. The concept of “common purpose” would seem to be anathema to y’all.
Here we have an article about Atlantis (sure there was a playful dig, but SFW!), but instead of exploring the possibilities like a couple of decent stoners on a particularly starry night, you guys bicker like a bunch of school girls about how the others are dressed.
I can imagine a scenario here where blood-thirsty aliens wielding death rays and egg implanters are in hot pursuit, but you refuse to been seen riding in a Pinto (or arguing over who’s riding shotgun), which happens to be your only salvation.
Happy peccadillo hunting, y’all.
February 26th, 2009 at 3:43 am
Damien, what countries make up Britain? Just to see if you actually know this.
Also, what countries within Britain have invaded the other countries within Britain?
February 25th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
You mean the forcibly adopted brother India. The British adopted him after killing off all of his family. Then he could only kind’ve leave (dominion system) after all of his children stopped working for Britain (Gandhi’s peaceful revolution) and Big Brother Britain got tired of killing them.
February 25th, 2009 at 9:30 pm
@Panzer-Stier Ross
Don’t forget about the politically correct adopted ethnic brother, India!
February 25th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
Why is it that Europeans always think of America as the violent villain of the world? I mean look at it this way:
1: If you use population inflation, the British have killed more civilians in their history than any other country excepting the Mongols. Much more bloodthirsty than America.
2: Everything the US does today is with British support and even approval. And vice verse. That makes modern Britain just as bad as the modern US.
3. But beyond Britain (America’s violent parent that all the neighbors used to complain about until it got old and weak, so he taught his child America to break things and be a menace, etc. etc.) the rest of Europe pretty much has the same history. Let’s use non-Europeans, pay them in scraps, and kill them if they disagree. Look at Belgium and its heavy involvement commercially in South Africa. Look at France and its continued exploitation of the middle-east. Look at every European nation and its continued and extreme racism towards non-whites.
I want to write a lot but I fear there isn’t space or time. But I do think Europeans need to start studying their own positions in the modern world as well as what they did in the past. In the American school system we are taught to be ashamed of our mistakes. But the British I’ve met seem to have been taught to be proud of their former Empire and the murders that it entailed. Good Job Brits! And the rest of Western Europe, at any rate, seems to censor their history and just talk about how good they’ve all been. Way to go fascists!
February 25th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
A model is looking for a good man. Please reach me as cadicecc at======== C l a s s y M i n g l e . COM ==== . Please
don’t disturb me if you are not serious.
February 25th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
@Panzer-Stier Ross
It’s hilarious in the way a chihuahua tries to pick a fight with a person by barking loudly and gnawing in your pants leg.
February 25th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
It’s the island of THIRA. Anything else?
February 25th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
That being said, Frankii’s comment is one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever heard.
It has that ‘Dizzi (sic) Rascal defending himself against Jeremy Paxman’ vibe about it. Where do you even start?
February 25th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Because Canada is the pot-smoking little brother no one has anything bad to say about.
See, Britain has all these kids, but Canada, Australia and America are their biggest ones.
America is the violent one all the neighbours complain about. He’s constantly breaking the neighbour’s things, he’s abusive, he’s rude, he’s a menace. He used to be a good kid, but he fell in with a bad crowd. Some very bad influences.
Australia really wants to be like his big brother America, but even though he’s violent it’s mostly confined to sports and some select individuals who piss him off. He’s a bit rough around the edges, but he tries hard.
Canada, the third brother, he just stays in his room all the time. I mean, he had a girlfriend once, France, but it got messy. They’re still friends, but apart from speaking French there isn’t much left of that relationship. He’s just happy goofing around and smoking weed and playing his xBox.
February 25th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
why are people against America, but not Canada?
February 25th, 2009 at 11:50 am
That’s two disses against the English in rapid succession. First the Oscars, and now this. And I can’t even use my anti-Americanism against you, because you’re Canadian. Damn.
Oh, and Thor: I hereby challenge you to fisticuffs. That’s right, I’m picking a fight on the Internet. That’s because I will win.
February 25th, 2009 at 11:28 am
It’s seems that the entirety of Great Britain has come to defend the honor of their country against a Canadian Internet Comedy Writer. It would be inspiring if it wasn’t so fucking pathetic.
February 25th, 2009 at 10:50 am
Don’t you dare have a go at the English, you’re American. End of. Nuf said.
February 25th, 2009 at 7:32 am
He’s CANADIAN MORON!
Canadian’s don’t invade other countries, they just hang around the border waiting for someone to leave the front door unlocked.
February 25th, 2009 at 7:25 am
You need to watch your tongue about us English, you traitor. At least we don’t get smashed and start shooting at eachother, or invade random countries while high. ,,/,,
February 25th, 2009 at 5:04 am
Oh, great. Even here, a political debate is in the process of happening.
Us dirtwalkers have enough of that with our own governments, thankyouverymuch!!!!
February 25th, 2009 at 2:10 am
I have plans for a shit hot Ark under my hat if you wanna looksee? It has an “Arrogah” horn on the wheel & everything………even a hook for hanging your tackle…ahem
Anyway……..brilliant write up, Google should hire you :o)
February 24th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
I find your description of ‘most’ English as ‘half wits with four or five beers’ in them to be rather offensive. Anyone worth their salt will know, that the average Englishman has anywhere between 7-10 beers in them, at any given time.
February 24th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
What’s a Google?
February 24th, 2009 at 9:40 pm
the LOST city of Atlantis? No one can find it… it’s LOST…
anyone seeing a connection here?
I suggest we fund time-travel research and a gray-haired lady with a pendulum.
February 24th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
I nearly shit my pants laughing at the suggestions.
February 24th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
Interestingly enough, that’s in the same neighborhood as Las Palmas, which is going to erupt and destroy the eastern U.S. and Europe.
http://www.newsmedianews.com/tsunami.php
February 24th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Does an underwater civilization really need firefighters? I mean, really?
February 24th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
All of your base are belong to us!
February 24th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Hmph. Scientists and their “artifacts”.
February 24th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
Indeed!
February 24th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
WTF Blaze-merman? lol how does one stumble upon an image like that?
February 24th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
No. Water is covering up Atlantis.
February 24th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
What needs to be taken into consideration is that boats don’t turn in perfect 90 degree angles. GOOGLEFAIL.
February 24th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
.(ɐɹıp) sıʇuɐ1ʇɐ ɟo ɔı1qndǝɹ ʇuǝpuǝdǝpuı ɔıʇɐɹɔoɯǝp ǝɥʇ ɟo suǝzıʇıɔ 1nɟɥʇıɐɟ 11ɐ oʇ uossǝ1 ɐ ǝq sıɥʇ ʇǝ1 .ǝɔuǝbı1bǝu ssoɹb ɹıǝɥʇ ɹoɟ…pǝɥsıund…uǝǝq ʎpɐǝɹ1ɐ ǝʌɐɥ sıʇuɐ1ʇɐ ɟo ʇuoɹɟ s,ǝ1doǝd ʇuǝpıssıp ǝɥʇ puɐ ɥɔʇɐʍ ǝɯıɹɔ pooɥɹoqɥbıǝu 1ɐɔo1 sıʇuɐ1ʇɐ ǝɥʇ ɟo sɹǝqɯǝɯ ǝɥʇ .uoos ʎɹʇsıuıɯ ubıǝɹoɟ ǝɥʇ ɯoɹɟ ɹǝʇʇǝ1 uoıʇɐuıɯɹǝʇ ɐ ʇɔǝdxǝ ¡ǝpoɔ uı ʇou ssǝ1 ɥɔnɯ ‘ைமுரஅ ɹopɐssɐqɯɐ ǝɯɐu ɥʇɹıq ʎɯ ǝso1ɔsıp oʇ uɐɥʇ ɹǝʇʇǝq ʍouʞ noʎ :sd
¡ǝbɐǝdɐɹ-uopıǝsod uoıʇɐɹǝdo uɐ1d uoısɐʌuı puɐɹb ɹno ɹoɟ suoıssıɯ ǝbɐʇoqɐs ʎɹɐuıɯı1ǝɹd ǝɔuǝɯɯoɔ ʎ1ǝʇɐıpǝɯɯı oʇ ǝpıʍp1ɹoʍ sʇuǝbɐ ɹǝdǝǝ1s ɹno ɯɹoɟuı oʇ ǝɹns ǝq ǝɯıʇuɐǝɯ ǝɥʇ uı-(pǝʞɔnɟ sı ǝ11ǝ .ǝ.ı) 1oɹʇuoɔ ǝbɐɯɐp ɹoɟ sɹǝʇɹɐnbpɐǝɥ ǝ1boob ʇɐ p1ǝɥ buıʇǝǝɯ ʎɔuǝbɹǝɯǝ uɐ ǝq 11ıʍ ǝɹǝɥʇ ¡ǝpoɔ ɹno pǝɹǝʌoɔsıp ǝʌɐɥ sɹǝ11ǝʍp-1ɐıɹʇsǝɹɹǝʇ ǝɥʇ ǝɥʇ ɟo ǝuo ʇsɐǝ1 ʇɐ sɯǝǝs ʇı :ʇuǝɯʇɹɐdǝp suoıʇɐ1ǝɹ ubıǝɹoɟ sıʇuɐ1ʇɐ ǝɥʇ oʇ
February 24th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Posters, lots of delightful persiflage there! Now, back to the mind-bending conspiracy shit. In reviewing the image, there would appear to be a “well-traveled” road of some sort entering into this grid at the center, which would fall in line with most larger communities of the era, and their inroads. Oddly enough, if you follow that “highway” to the northeast, there is another, much more uniform grid. Why do the two grids differ so drastically in their structure?
Now, one could also speculate that a ship doing sweeps, would not create a grid with such a uniform perimeter due to the turning radius of the vessel.
But of course I’m just blowing hyperbolic smoke here, I mean, everyone knows that Atlantis is not due to be discovered until 2010.
From http://derekclontz.com/?p=218
In 2010…
…
“The Lost Continent of Atlantis surfaces in the Atlantic Ocean just 40 miles off the southern coast of Bermuda. Some 7,000 survivors are found in suspended animation in a deep freeze powered by an ancient nuclear reactor. Equally compelling, when thawed, the surivors speak the language of America’s Cherokee Indians.” - Clontz
February 24th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
Listen, the only people we hate more than the Romans are the fucking Atlantean People’s Front.
February 24th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
அஇஇதைப் பாவிஅரு Buchholz டைமுகத்தைப் பாவித்து வ
February 24th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
i too, agree, Bucholz-
the “dirtwalking government of the United States” is brilliant-
i plan on using it in future conversations.
February 24th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
I completely disagree, foreign relations!
See? You politicians never think about our small local neighborhoods. All you do is think of the big picture and relations with those outside our city! Atlantis is living peacefully right now and the last thing we need is a bunch of open-air-breathers meddling in our business! Think of our children.
I didn’t vote for you, by the way.
February 24th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Google’s official press announcement should have been:
“We have no comment at this point in time….”
February 24th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
@ Revolutionary Council of Atlantis (AKA Zelohim Covalhi-’ih)
Stop messing with these people. They’ll realize our city-state is actually real. About the last thing we want, what with all the eagle-eye focus of Cracked’s readers.
Strength to Atlantis!
February 24th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
I thought it was pretty obvious that Google put these images on Google maps a long time ago just so when some idiot found them they could say it isn’t Atlantis thus bringing up these types of articles. Google always wants to be the center of attention.
wait you guys didn’t get that?
February 24th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
“Jerking around the Rubes” ahahaha ‘rubes’. I miss that word. And that mer-fireman is incredibly unsettling, though I can’t put my finger on why.
@Revolutionary Council of Atlantis
Nice, though I wish someone with something clever to say had done that.
February 24th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
@Tartra, maple syrup on snow cones!
P.S just “Watch out where them huskies go, and don’t you eat that yellow snow!”
February 24th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
us Canadians are totally allowed to make fun of you British, we’re like your kids. We figure, we get it from you.
February 24th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
“this “Atlantis” can easily be spotted by a half wit with four or five beers in him (That’s a pretty fair description of most English, actually).”
Being a proud Irish man I have to say I agree with you on that point…..by which I mean the english thing!
February 24th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
sıʇuɐ1ʇɐ ɟo 1ıɔunoɔ ʎɹɐuoıʇn1oʌǝɹ-(ʍʇq ǝuo pǝʇuǝʌuı ǝʍ) ɹǝʇdoɔ1ɟoɹ ǝpoɔ ʇǝɹɔǝs ɹno ɹǝɥdıɔǝp oʇ ǝ1qɐ ǝq ɹǝʌǝu 11ıʍ sɹǝqqn1puɐ1 ǝ1oɥssɐ noʎ
February 24th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
I’ve ogled naked pictures of mermaids and read some Aquaman, so does that make me an amateur Atlantis expert?
February 24th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
I think the term ‘Atlantis expert’ depresses me.
Basically he or she is an expert on something that may or may not exist. It’s like being a theologian without the spiritual fulfilment.
February 24th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Atlas, actually Atlantis, as the myth goes, was located “beyond the pillars of Hercules”, which are generally accepted as being Gibraltar and the North African coast at the entrance to the Mediterranean. So, that would indicate, Atlantis was supposedly located in the Atlantic Ocean… exactly where Google maps show it to be!
Ok, maybe not… but it is still nice to imagine such a place existed.
February 24th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
Sheps, he’s Canadian.
Please, feel stupid now.
February 24th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Du Jour means crash positions! !
February 24th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Du Jour means seat belts!
February 24th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
@GeorgieMikey
We really love syrup. It’s the shit. I should buy some pancakes just so I have an excuse to have more of it. Screw it - I’m drinking straight from the bottle.
February 24th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I shall have you know, Bucholz, that I was in my economics class and watching a video when SUDDENLY, out of NOWHERE, on the screen some guy pops up and a caption said his name was Todd Buchholz. Two ‘h’s. My head nearly exploded.
February 24th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
While Chris found more Atlantian roads. I found that all of Canada’s major highways have the numbers surrounded by a white leaf set on a green square. At least that’s what Google showed for them. Do Canadians really love syrup or do you all hate it for ruining your public image? eh ?
February 24th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
It was funny until the British jokes, for that, i turn my back on you sarcastic American with a Satirical English Humor.
February 24th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
hilarious. i wish crackered were in charge of more important things than cracked
February 24th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
“அருமை Says: இந்த இடைமுகத்தைப் பாவித்து வருகின்றேன். அருமையாக உள்ளது.”
கின்றேள்ளதுமுகத்றேஅஇஇதைப் பாவிஅருன்கத்தைப்
யாக உள்ளயாதுதுமுவிகிஅத்கத்தைன் “LOL”ருளயா.
February 24th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Yeah dude, at last the atlantis gets discovered. Oh wait… Isn’t it supposed to be in the Aegean since it’s Greek. Naah that doesn’t matter… the fellaz at Google know what they’re doing.
Atlantis belongs to Greece since it’s an Ancient Greek myth. Just google it please.
February 24th, 2009 at 11:55 am
HA! I almost sharted I laughed so hard!
February 24th, 2009 at 11:47 am
இந்த இடைமுகத்தைப் பாவித்து வருகின்றேன். அருமையாக உள்ளது.
February 24th, 2009 at 11:35 am
@nighthawk41, now now, we know that the drunk stereotype is not applicable to every nation. I do believe cracked broke that when they showed that many africans prefer jet fuel as a cheaper alternative to alcohol.
February 24th, 2009 at 11:33 am
@zenseeker, ah a fellow cider drinker, good stuff.
February 24th, 2009 at 11:31 am
As an Englishmen, I can’t but help say ” Fuck youBucholz”, otherwise, cool article.
February 24th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Dear god, the only way that fireman could be any more gay is if he had a mustache.
February 24th, 2009 at 11:03 am
“I’ve found similar straight line/right angle combinations off the coast of Ireland, in Hudson’s Bay and a little northeast of Siberia.”
Now I’m no conspiracy theorist (or am I??), but notice how Mr. Bucholz did not provide links to his discoveries?? Clearly this is by design…
I, too, enjoyed the “dirtwalking government” line.
Now if I really wanted to crank up the freak show, I could say it looks like a crashed Borg ship.
February 24th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Really? hard to believe.i heard this news times from many friends playing on a tall dating site ___Tallmingle.com___,i did not believe, i think that they are know nothing but dating and love.
i am wrong.
February 24th, 2009 at 10:33 am
As an “English” I must object to the following line:
“a half wit with four or five beers in him (That’s a pretty fair description of most English, actually).”
I shall have you know, that I drink Cider.
February 24th, 2009 at 10:28 am
“dirtwalking government of the United States.” Dear god I love this phrase.
February 24th, 2009 at 9:42 am
That is the gayest merman fireman I have ever seen, and trust me, I’ve seen a lot of them.
February 24th, 2009 at 9:39 am
who the hell goes around looking at the oceans on google maps anyway?
February 24th, 2009 at 9:26 am
eh, well, choosing to beleive still at least gives me something to do for the next few weeks, what with building an underwater dive rig and all. I’m way to apathetic to actually go out there though, plus I heard they dont have any starbucks, so fuck that
February 24th, 2009 at 9:12 am
It’s not April 1st yet. Let’s wait and see…
February 24th, 2009 at 8:47 am
Solid article. Maybe next time you should do one on those post-it-notes with the scribbles. I’m hearing a lot of buzz about them.
February 24th, 2009 at 8:37 am
well, seeing as when Google maps first laaunched it enabled to zoomm in on th e moon and discover it was made of cheese i’m suprised that they didn’t have some mermaid type thing going on
February 24th, 2009 at 8:37 am
Eh, drinking is the stereotype of every country.
Americans are drunks, the english are drunks the french are drunks, the canadians are drunks, the scottish are drunks, the irish are drunks, the italians are drunks…
I could go on.
February 24th, 2009 at 8:35 am
I found this story boring. I actually went back to my work half way through it. There are scribbles on post-it notes, on my desk, more interesting than this shite….
February 24th, 2009 at 8:25 am
This reminds me of that South Park episode about the conspiracy being a conspiracy to make people think there was a conspiracy.
February 24th, 2009 at 8:16 am
Hey, great article! This is the first Bucholz one that’s actually made me laugh.
February 24th, 2009 at 8:12 am
I’d say it was a better description of most americans really. Although perhaps it’d have to be eight or nine beers in that case…
February 24th, 2009 at 8:08 am
This was fantastic. I don’t even know which part was the best - it all just rocked. Definitely one if your best.
February 24th, 2009 at 7:38 am
@elenmai
I AM English and was not offended at all by this discription of my countrymen, I find it quite true in fact.
February 24th, 2009 at 7:30 am
I was momentarily offended by the description of English people. Then I remembered that I’m not English.
How do you know this isn’t some kind of clever ploy by Google?
February 24th, 2009 at 7:27 am
it’s sad, but had they strung it along like you said, i probably would have believed it was discovered. =P
February 24th, 2009 at 7:08 am
Classic, Bucholz. Classic. Well done.
February 24th, 2009 at 6:39 am
[...] This morning there is a story questioning whether or not Google is covering up Atlantis. [...]
February 24th, 2009 at 6:25 am
It is a shame that Google doesn’t have a more daring sense of humor on these things.
February 24th, 2009 at 6:11 am
That is a good picture, high five yourself for a job well done.
February 24th, 2009 at 5:30 am
Brilliant, but now you’ve tipped off Google. GEEZ