Part of being a Cracked.com columnist means staying on top of trends in pop culture and knowing what’s HOTT! And nothing’s hotter right now than those delightful Facebook memes. But before we talk about Braggaboo --the newest, hottest one of all-- let’s do a quick review of some old favorites:
First there was the List of 25 Things where your friends shared amazingly off-beat and amusing details about their lives:
Then there was the one where you assign all your friends identities in a cartoon filled with Little Miss characters. That one’s super funny because you’re saying your friend is like a little, blue, round dude with a flower hat even though your friend totally doesn’t wear flower hats. He’s not even blue! LOL!
More recently, people have been making album covers for their own fake bands, following directions that take you to various websites for words and images. And the results are always as enjoyable as they are convincing. This could totally be a real album!
But the new one that’s super hot right now is called Building The Perfect Braggaboo! And everyone’s doing it. How? It’s simple! Just follow these quick and easy steps below.
BUILDING THE PERFECT BRAGGABOO
1. First, type your deepest childhood fear into Google images and hit return. Take the third image.
2. Then go to the U.S. Dept of Agriculture website and check out the crop calendars. Choose your birthday month and see what is planted in the United States at that time of year. Write this down on a piece of paper and put it aside (you’ll need it later!).
3. Call up the first person you ever had sex with and tell them you’re pretty sure you gave them a venereal disease. Write down the first thing they say. This goes at that top of your Braggaboo in quotes (hot pink is preferable, unless your childhood fear involved an image with a lot of hot pink that would make this graphic unreadable).
4. Become the facebook friend of a mildly notable Internet pseudo-celebrity with the words “Braggaboo” in the request. Wait for a reply to accompany your accepted request. If no reply is forthcoming, try sending homemade pornography. Upon receiving a reply, plug it into Babelfish and translate to Dutch. If no reply is received, translate the phrase “Best Facebook Meme Ever!” into Chinese (you should also use this phrase if you are already this person’s Facebook friend. Also, you should probably still send additional homemade pornography). This phrase goes at the bottom of your Braggaboo (any color is acceptable – except chartreuse).
5. Take the piece of paper with the U.S. Agriculture stats from step two and fold it into three equal parts. Then throw it away.
6. Start a stopwatch and go to the Digg.com’s home page. See how many seconds it takes you to find a popular story featuring either Linux, some kind of wacky lolcat type pic and/or boobs. Then add 10. That’s the total number of Facebook friends you should tag to check out your Braggaboo.
7. Tag one more Facebook friend (the one you don’t really like speaking to that often. Perhaps, tagging this person in a meme will count as communication, thereby buying you a few more days of not actually having to speak).
8. And you’re done! It’s just that easy. And just that fun! How'd ya do? Here's mine!
Author's note: Despite having just made fun of ridiculous Facebook memes, I decided I was still a big enough loser to try to start one for real. Here are the rules to "The Real Braggaboo." Or you could just scrap that and check out my website Kafka Lives in Maine