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I'm Glad You're Enthusiastic, But You Just Made Me Hate Your Candidate: The Daily Nooner (EST)!

Hillary Clinton - Making Our Dreams Come True

Here's a surefire formula for completely alienating anyone who might be on the fence about your candidate: make a YouTube account, rewrite the theme song from a sitcom three decades past its prime, then sing it like it's opening night at the opera in Sturgis, South Dakota and you're the only fat lady in town.

Could this have really been created by a genuine fan, or is this some sort of nefarious right-wing plot designed to shame the lefties into submission? I can't say I'd be particularly surprised either way, to be honest. All I know for sure is that this video totally fucking sucks, and even though it's obviously not an officially sanctioned advertisement, it still kind of makes me hate Hillary Clinton.

If I'd been the brains behind this video, I would've done things a little differently. First of all, I probably would've used the theme song from Three's Company:

Come and stop the Iraq war...

America's waiting for you...

Because this country is hers and hers and his

Clinton for President, woo!

Second of all, I'd make it totally "extreme" and in-your-face. There'd be eagles swooping down and eating field mice (which would be dressed up like terrorists) and sepia-toned Nazis exploding and Stars 'N Bars and all kinds of other shit crammed into every singe frame, but there'd still somehow be time for one of those crazy slow motion shots of a samurai sword cutting through a soda can or an apple or whatever... FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER. I'd probably throw in one of those "bullet time" shots, too, only the "bullets" would be barbs from political opponents and the "dodging" would be clever rhetoric and a sane tax plan.

Oh - and last but not least, I would've made it for Barack Obama. Minor detail there.

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Ross Wolinsky

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