Lost is an amazing show: The perfect storm of mystery and intrigue, balanced with both characterization and plot… probably. They haven’t actually explained everything yet, so judgment on quality of plot must be withheld until we’re sure it’s not all going to end as Jack’s fever-dream or something. But with so many enigmas and so much drama every single day, even the most fantastic events will eventually become routine. And coming into season six, we may well be approaching that point. I mean, there are only so many times you can drive a landmass through time before that shit just becomes the 9-5.
Dear Diary,
Today I wore my shirt bunched up around my stomach with a single smear of dirt on my otherwise immaculate face. I think it makes me look savage, but not ugly savage; a pretty savage. Like a wild, sexy horse.
I practiced ‘cavorting in the surf,’ for two hours this morning, and I really think I have it nailed. As the sun fell behind me–its rays outlining my soft body in an aura of sparkling light and water–I think I actually felt everything go into slow motion.
I would feel like such a pretty, pretty princess if a poor diet and prolonged malnutrition didn’t have me shitting liquid into a ditch every two hours.
What’s up, Journal?
Everybody here is so into their personal drama. It’s pretty weird, I guess. There’s no room for a fat guy in all that stuff, though. Oh no, the fat guy can’t be involved in any romantic love triangles; he’d just drag everything down, right? It’d be like, an isosceles love triangle if you put fatty on one end. Speaking of, why have I even gained weight here? Between nebulous monsters and the Others, I run literally eight miles a day and there is nothing to eat here but fish and fruit. I’ve been living like a Californian trophy wife for four years now, dude, and I still look like that guy from Blues Traveler. It’s not fair. If Sawyer’s gonna keep calling me “Tubbs and Crocket,” you’d think somebody’d hook a dude up with some real food.
Today I got so desperate that I made a makeshift burrito out of leaves and this dead bird I found. It almost tasted like Taco Bell.
I cried for an hour and a half.
Another Stunning Entry in Jack’s Personal Journal of Extreme Significance,
I’m beginning to worry about morale here on the island. At first, everybody was really all about our emotional connections with each other and banding together, but now it just feels like they’re phoning it in. I tried talking to Sawyer about our conflicting feelings for Kate, but he told me that he couldn’t “give a flying fuck at the moon,” about my feelings and that I should get back to him when I “know what that damn smoke monster is.” I tried telling him that the so-called “smoke monster” is really a metaphor for our inner darkness clouding our ability to love, but he just punched me in the chest until I fell unconscious. Doesn’t anybody care about my emotions anymore?
I’m not sure if I liked my daddy or not! THIS IS IMPORTANT.
The Chronicles of John Locke,
The island hasn’t spoken to me in weeks now. I begin to worry about our psychic connection. How solid can our relationship really be, if it is so easily shaken? A guy forgets to turn a wheel one god damn time and then it’s the silent treatment for a month. I’m pretty hard up. I’ve started really noticing that little island off the coast that the Others’ facilities were on. It seems like it’s really been working on its appearance lately. Sometimes I look at that pretty little island out there, sitting all perky and tight on the shifting sea, and it’s all I can do to stop myself from canoeing out there and giving it a good hard psychic reaming.
That little bitch. You know she wants it.
Jesus, commitment is hard.
Sawyer’s Diary of Feelings and Crap,
I’m runnin’ outta nicknames. For the last month I’ve just been calling everybody “homo.” Don’t think nobody’s finding it all that endearing anymore. Thought I’d step up my game last week and try something new, but I drew a complete blank and ended up calling Claire’s ghost “chucklenuts.” I think that was from a Jerky Boys CD.
My hair has officially gone from ‘sexy, primal mane’ to ‘unattractive, vegan hippy nest.’
Nobody cares how troubled you are when you smell like sweat and old fruit.
So. Journal. Hey.
Why doesn’t anybody pay attention to me? I see dead people like I’m the fuckin’ Sixth Sense. I travelled back in time to meet my own father like Marty Goddamn McFly. What does it take to get some fucking interesting story-arcs up in this bitch? I think I’m going to fight a robot assassin from the future tomorrow, thus setting in motion the formation of the last resistance of mankind. If that doesn’t work, I just don’t even know. I guess I’ll get titty implants. It worked for Kate and Hurley.
Ben’s Log,
A revelation has come to me. After years of confusion and desperation, I believe I finally understand. I believe I finally understand everything, and that is all I have ever asked in return for my many sacrifices. It’s perfectly clear now: Jacob was not the island, Richard is. Jacob was an incarnate version of an old god, hidden here in a place where old gods could still exist, not at odds with the modern world outside. Jacob was the avatar of a god, as was his brother, but it’s Richard who is the avatar of the island itself. He cannot die in this place because he is this place. These long years have had me thinking that I served the island through Jacob, but I was merely serving Jacob because it is what the island, Richard himself, asked of me. It is Richard who should have my loyalty. Richard who is truly important to me. It is Richard who has my answers. And at long last I believe there are answers to be had…
P.S.
Nevermind. Richard was just beaten to death by a four-toed, bird-headed giant named ADAM-1. His death was foretold by the talking polar bear totem that’s apparently been haunting the dreamtime of the Oceanic Six. Also? Turns out I’m a woman.
What the fuck, guys?
Just… just what the fuck.
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November 2nd, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Ahh Lost, I love you so. Oh and Prison Break, that shit was sweet.
August 31st, 2009 at 8:28 pm
LMAO. Spot on. Loved it!!!
July 21st, 2009 at 3:55 am
Ha-Ha! Larry is the kind of guy who said “the third Matrix will explain this all” when showed the enormous plot holes in the second. Those guy are invisible now. So will be Larry after Lost has ended with a “Meh”.
June 6th, 2009 at 3:11 am
I can never watch Lost again, without wondering if Locke is going to cheat on the island with that slutty other island…
God, Cracked.com can kill a hobby sometimes.
June 1st, 2009 at 6:43 am
You are one mean, mean motherfucking bastard, u know dat? Cuz this one… this one’s hilarious.
May 31st, 2009 at 10:08 am
hahahahaha…
awesome…
May 31st, 2009 at 2:08 am
HEY!
I thought about the hurley gettin fat thing as well, but i realised. he did find the dharma food in the hatch and you do see him stuff his face! and he went back to planet earth for three years didn’t he… which kinda explains his fatness!
May 28th, 2009 at 10:31 am
[...] If The Characters on “Lost” Told the Truth, according to Cracked.com. [...]
May 26th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
In reference to Hurly still being fat, has it not only been a little over three months in real time ?
May 25th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
I like this post. Mine is similar in a way-
http://basinbooya.blogspot.com/2009/05/what-if-cast-of-lost-were-real-people.html
May 25th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
i don’t even watch the show and my synopsis would have been similar. Except Ben would actually be a dwarf circus bear in a leather suit.
May 24th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Sawyer was so sexy. ;_; Someone, please give him a haircut.
May 24th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
“I made a makeshift burrito out of leaves and this dead bird I found. It almost tasted like Taco Bell.”
Rubbish! Taco Bell has never tasted as good as a dead bird wrapped in leaves. What is this guy thinking?
May 24th, 2009 at 8:16 am
Maybe someone should have watched the show before writing this. I keep getting sick of the “Why is Hurley still fat? HA HA HA!” stuff. Anyone who has watched the show knows there is way more to eat than fish and fruit. There’s pretty much a well-stocked town on the island. And there were plenty of “rations” scattered about the various stations and of course for some reason they dropped shitloads of food on them from a helicopter.
May 24th, 2009 at 6:56 am
Would you like to date an open minded girl? Yes, I’m that girl. I like handsome guys. I have a Blog in the web—seekbi.com—Guys, join and find me out.
May 24th, 2009 at 6:55 am
good
May 24th, 2009 at 6:49 am
it’s so interesting
May 24th, 2009 at 6:48 am
finre
May 23rd, 2009 at 6:51 pm
Damn, Lost is really fucked up
I stoped watching this show since 3rd season (only 1st was interesting)
and I came to see if this article was at least funny, and what I saw was that Lost became even more stupid
May 23rd, 2009 at 8:21 am
“What amazes me is the consistent excellence of the acting”
????
May 23rd, 2009 at 8:20 am
fuckin hillarious, names of the journals were awesome and i loved bens journal
“Nevermind. Richard was just beaten to death by a four-toed, bird-headed giant named ADAM-1. His death was foretold by the talking polar bear totem that’s apparently been haunting the dreamtime of the Oceanic Six. Also? Turns out I’m a woman.
What the fuck, guys?
Just… just what the fuck.”
May 23rd, 2009 at 7:13 am
LMAO!
May 23rd, 2009 at 6:33 am
Comments are fascinating. Such passion on one had and vitriol on the other. I have only become a watcher this past season, thanks to my new girl friend, although I will admit to having rented a season one dvd to try to figure out some of the plot twists. What amazes me is the consistent excellence of the acting. The great ensemble cast has the ability to make the unbelievable believable and to make the viewer care about them. That’s the magic of Lost and why it is a singular tv experience.
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:30 pm
The only funny one was Miles’… the rest were pretty damn lame.
May 22nd, 2009 at 3:58 pm
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May 22nd, 2009 at 12:12 pm
all the Lost haters on here are making me angry. Time to stop reading their posts now.
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:52 am
This is great! I want more!!!
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:40 am
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May 22nd, 2009 at 7:25 am
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May 21st, 2009 at 11:43 pm
Recently I found a hot club
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May 21st, 2009 at 7:41 pm
Now this was funny.
Pretty accurate, too. I stopped watching Lost after Season 2 because of the weird plot twists and dead-ends. I like a good cliffhanger or two, but IMO, this show really overdid it. Plus, they kept killing off characters I liked. 
May 21st, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Here is something I found on a lost related site,
David Fury, Lost co-executive producer, “Rolling Stone” issue #984, October 6, 2005:
“There was absolutely no master plan on Lost” insists David Fury. “Anybody who said that was lying.” “On a show like Lost, it becomes a great big shaggy-dog story,” Fury continues cheerily. “They keep saying there’s meaning in everything, and I’m here to tell you no - a lot of things are just arbitrary. What I always tried to do to do was connect these random elements, to create the illusion that it was all adding up to something. Many plot elements were concocted on the fly.”
very intellectual
lol @Larry
May 21st, 2009 at 11:05 am
I agree with Larry, to everyone else I say fuck you! …no …really, lets fuck! Bown-chicka-bown-bow. Seriously though, anyone with a post longer that 2 sentences is a total shit-stain!
May 21st, 2009 at 10:18 am
This is really REALLY entertaining. I really enjoy Hurley’s journal, but maybe because I’m the guy that makes the fatty part of an isosceles triangle!
May 20th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
Um wow, this is dead entertaining reading,
but thought just for those that care enough I’d let you know that this season just gone is the penultimate one so there will finally be a finale to end it all next season!!! YAY
Should also say that J.J Abrams made Alias in the same way as lost and that had a conclusion and overall storyline so I’m keeping the faith with him!!! LOL
Its great fun Lost but taking it too seriously is never good, Although I still won’t play 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 on the lotto!!!
May 20th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Y’all are so being pwned by the producers of this show.
Shadow monsters, fucking polar bears, it’s not a plot, it’s an acid trip. You have become part of a botnet they shamelessly whore out to their advertisers. Your intrigue is their bottom line. They are feeding you randomly generated horseshit masquerading as a story.
The sooner we call this crap what it is, the sooner they will wrap it up.
May 20th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
I’m runnin’ outta nicknames. For the last month I’ve just been calling everybody “homo.”
Goddammit, that made me laugh so hard.
May 20th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
umm… either you didn’t really watch “lost”, or you forgot why hurley is still big.
May 20th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
This reminds me of the series of unfortunate events by lemony snicket. So much mystery, so many unresolved questions. I eagerly anticipated the last book, thinking it would all finally make sense. Then it came out and revealed nothing, leaving everything mysterious and answering no questions as the series ended. Lemony snicket is a complete douchebag.
May 20th, 2009 at 11:54 am
“Wait until you get to season 3 till season 5. It becomes worse and worse and worse. Or more visually speaking it’s a walk from Burger King to Burger Court Jester. Hahaha”
Oh, I’ve seen them all. 3 was my least favorite season, but the finale was decent. Then again, Season 2 is my favorite and apparently everyone hated that one.
May 20th, 2009 at 11:21 am
Oh, and Kazz/Larry, how could I die of stupidity? And what would reading a book do? If I’m that stupid that I can DIE because of it, chances are I can’t read a fucking book anyway.
May 20th, 2009 at 10:55 am
I don’t get it?! How does a show like ‘Lost’ cause so much debate? There has to be some sort of brainwashing technique that only affects those susceptible to blind persuasion ingrained in the show.
When the argument of ‘you’re either too ignorant, stupid, impatient or incompetent to understand ‘Lost” surfaces, it’s not really designed to do anything but offend and corner. All it really states is that ‘If you don’t understand ‘Lost’ you obviously:
1. Haven’t watched every second of it, and hence are not knowledgable
2. Are unable to make logical links / have a poor memory / are just dull
3. Couldn’t be arsed with it, or
4. Are unable to look at a television? (I don’t quite understand how the word incompetent was implied, suffice to say I’m a bit lost, actually).
Substitute ‘Lost’ with any other show on television, and if any person who reads those words doesn’t understand the show you’ve substituted, then that must mean they are ignorant, stupid, impatient, or incompetent. That argument may be true.
HOWEVER, UNDERSTANDING and ENJOYING a show are two different things.
Even if all those pre-requisites were fulfilled (being knowledgable, intelligent, patient, and competent) and someone (much like myself) UNDERSTOOD, BUT STILL DID NOT ENJOY the show and hail it as a masterpiece of the modern televisual experience, it would not apply to me that I was ignorant, stupid , impatient, or incompetent. Only that after watching it, I think the show is an overdrawn bunch of bullshit, and would like to have the weekends and afternoons back that I wasted.
FOR ME, it was NOT a great show. I did NOT enjoy it tremendously. It was NOT the most entertaining program I have ever seen. FOR ME, it is NOT a masterpiece of television.
May 20th, 2009 at 9:43 am
[quote]I borrowed the first season on a friend’s recommendation, and got through the whole thing in a little under a day-and-a-half. I just couldn’t stop watching.[/quote]
Wait until you get to season 3 till season 5. It becomes worse and worse and worse. Or more visually speaking it’s a walk from Burger King to Burger Court Jester. Hahaha
May 20th, 2009 at 9:22 am
Kazz = Larry
what a downfall of a name
Kazz, I mean Larry, have you still no found out what’s so intellectual about Lost? I mean nearly a day has gone now and you still can’t name it. Well, no answer is an answer too. Hahahaha
May 20th, 2009 at 9:20 am
10 bucks Kazz is Larry.
May 20th, 2009 at 9:07 am
I agree with your assessment of SF fandom, but I will say this: they are more than willing to do the work for you. Lord knows I’ve avoided reading some pretty crappy comics due to reading some pretty extensive wikipedias.
And as for “Lost?” It works the way a good Stephen King book does; it is the audio/visual equivalent to a really juicy page-turner. Is it flawed? Absolutely. Are there plot holes? Hell yes. Do I fucking HATE any emphasis on the Kate/Sawyer/Jack love triangle? More than possibly anything else on TV. But I’ll give it this: I borrowed the first season on a friend’s recommendation, and got through the whole thing in a little under a day-and-a-half. I just couldn’t stop watching.
May 20th, 2009 at 9:06 am
Larry is absolutely correct in everything he has posted and it is just very sad that most people are apparently too stupid to even understand what he was saying. Go read a book before you people die of stupidity.
May 20th, 2009 at 7:13 am
BobDobalina -> Agreed.
May 20th, 2009 at 7:07 am
“not to put too fine on it”
Too fine a POINT. Not to put too fine a point on it.
May 20th, 2009 at 7:05 am
“There should be no comparison between “Lost” and “The Wire,” as they’re two completely different shows that work in completely different ways.”
Yes: the first in a chaotic, unfocussed way that overrelied on Easter Eggs and cliffhangers at the expense of having a plan, the second as a masterclass in how to combine long story arcs with episodic narrative. There is indeed no comparison between them.
But it’s the ghetto mentality of SF fandoms that I find asinine. There seems to be this tacit belief that SF shows and movies should never learn anything from shows and movies in other genres, even when they’re doing things that the SF properties are attempting and — not to put too fine on it — fucking up. Ultimately it seems to boil down to an attitude that people who care about actually good storytelling should go somewhere else and leave the fandom alone to track such-and-such Easter Egg through twenty different episodes of Lost and call this exercise “intellectual depth.” And that attitude can pretty much suck it.
May 20th, 2009 at 7:01 am
[...] 8 - If Lost characters told the truth. Splendid - Cracked [...]
May 20th, 2009 at 6:56 am
I’m sorry about the length of the last comment, but as passionate as Larry is about ‘Lost’, is as passionate as I am about getting people to accept difference, rather than judge it.
May 20th, 2009 at 6:34 am
This comment is specifically for Larry.
Firstly, let me say that your amount of devotion to a television show (a fictional one, with fictional characters) is astounding. Does it hurt when you can’t watch Lost? I’m only kidding. I’ll try to explain what I have to say in an analogy.
A television show is like a piece of music. The elements of music must tie together nicely for a song to sound ‘right’ to the listeners ear. The individual melodies, the harmony of instruments, the timbre of said instruments, and the tempo of each all add together to make a piece what it is. A television show has its elements in its characterisation, suspense, mystery, even to the way the camera is used and the way dialogue is presented. In both instances, a point is made or an idea presented in a specific way.
‘Lost’, as a television show, is much like a piece of music where all the instruments are playing at once, and they’re all playing every note possible, at different tempos, all ending in a common ’sound’. To you, music that is composed like that might be something that suits your taste, perhaps because of its originality or ‘forward thinking’. To me, that’s music that sounds as though all the composer has tried to do is throw every single element into the mix, so that everyone who is exposed to it gets a bit of what they would prefer.
What it comes down to is what you yourself enjoy as a viewer. If you think that other people are ’stupid’ or ‘idiots’ because they don’t see ‘Lost’ as the most awesome and inventive program ever created, you fail to understand people at all. It is our differing opinions about things like television shows and music that are a major cause of conflict, and only because people like yourself start to state belief as ‘fact’.
In summation, trying to appease every single viewer using one show is futile. Delivering an opinion as the ‘truth’ is pointless unless you have ample evidence, and not just because you think it is. Calling a show a masterpiece does not make it gospel, it only shows how unyieldingly engrossed you are in said show. Your inability to comprehend that a difference of opinion exists surrounding such things as works of art, musical pieces, and television programs will only lead you into getting into arguments of no purpose, and with no useful outcome. Defending ‘Lost’ as the ultimate viewing experience and condemning those who don’t share your opinion won’t change theirs. People are different to you, Larry. It’s better to learn that sooner than later.
May 20th, 2009 at 2:53 am
There should be no comparison between “Lost” and “The Wire,” as they’re two completely different shows that work in completely different ways. That’d be like comparing “Law & Order” to “The X-Files,” which is to say asinine.
May 20th, 2009 at 1:24 am
Lost is a complete scam and waste of time. The show have mastered cliff hangers, at the start it was good but now WTF, build a fucking boat and get the hell out of that island. Like all american produced tv shows, they sunk in their own shit with twister plots and sucky drama,
May 19th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
LMFAO. This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long while.
I’m a major Lost fangirl, but I’m ashamed to call myself one with people like Larry around.
May 19th, 2009 at 10:28 pm
Dude… Larry, I am a huge fan of Lost, I have loved it since the first episode, but people like you are the reason I don’t like to admit that i love the show. All you do is piss people off, even the good points you make, people ignore because you’re just an asshole who thinks you’re better and smarter than everyone else.
May 19th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
Larry, the boy who googled the internet for articles about his favorite show and stumbled upon a humor website spouting blasphemous irreverence. You must teach them, Larry! They must know of the superiority of Lost, and the superiority of those geniuses who, through a life dedicated to watching the most television, truly understand what makes it great. Fulfill your destiny, Larry!
May 19th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
Man, you keep dropping that word intellectual like it’s an argument in and of itself. What makes lost so intellectual anyway? I’m not saying it isn’t, (although the jury is still out in my opinion) but what do you mean when you use that word?
See, my favorite show ever is the Sopranos, which I feel is highly intellectually stimulating. This is because of the callbacks to classic cinema (mob-related mostly), the undercurrents of cultural/societal commentary, and the quality of many of the acting performances and dialogue. These are the things that stimulate my mind and get me thinking about the show. I’m sure others probably arent as impressed with these particular strengths of the show and might even disagree with me that they are present.
Do you see how it’s all subjective? This is art we are talking about, and there’s no accounting for taste.
May 19th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Larry, stfu.
May 19th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Brockway that was awesome.
You nailed a lot of points about Lost hilariously.
Hurley crying about the burrito made me belly laugh like Santa Claus while he’s whoring himself for Coca-Cola
May 19th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Larry lost in space?
May 19th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
@BobDobolina
I take random comments from German source code and plug it into Babel Fish. Does that make me a Computational Linguist?
LOL
May 19th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
hahahah what’s up journal?
May 19th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Larry: “You mentioned some good shows, no doubt, but each that fall short in some way - if not many - to Lost.”
Uh, yeah, no. I’ll put any portion (or the whole) of The Wire up against any portion (or the whole) of Lost any day of the week and twice on Sunday. You simply don’t look to me like someone who has an informed perspective on shows other than Lost, no offense.
I do peruse the Lostpedia from time to time, as a matter of fact. Having done so is one of the primary things that’s convinced me that the show’s writing remains chaotic and directionless. If I’m wrong and blind and a lost soul crying in the desert for making that assessment, the good news is that when the writers deliver the finale that blows everyone away and puts me hip to the sinful errors of my ways, I’ll be lining up to buy the DVDs with everyone else. So you can rest easy.
“On a side note, XKCD is pretty awesome.. not sure what you’re implying.”
Did you notice the Computational Linguists reference? That’s your hint.
May 19th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Well, it takes very, very long for Larry to simply explain what’s so intellectual about Lost. Maybe he didn’t find it yet? Oh well, let’s give him some additional time to figure it out.
May 19th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Man! That was amazing ! Well done !
All the best
May 19th, 2009 at 11:53 am
@Giritana
That makes perfect sense.
You thought you pulled a quick one on us, didn’t you Dr. Chaos?
May 19th, 2009 at 11:31 am
Larry, honey you’re making LOST fans look bad. I do admit I think it’s the best show on TV, and often the only hour of TV I’ll watch in a week, but it’s not the beginning and end of the world…
To the original post. I thought some of it was funny, but I think it could have been better. The idea was a good one.
May 19th, 2009 at 11:24 am
lame dialogues, poor writing, many plot holes and logic holes, soap operish repetitive love triangles, characters who became cartoons of themselves, filler episodes en masse, ….
…Lost
May 19th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Larry, I have a question.
Do you have a job? You’ve spent a lot of time updating this page and obviously preparing your answers, during a business day.
Secondly, if you do have a job, does your boss know you spend your time at work ranting about a television show online?
Two questions you may want to consider.
May 19th, 2009 at 11:14 am
@hobosoft:
He’s not a writer for Lost…..he’s Doctorchaos!
I mean, seriously, who else posts these REALLY long comments?
May 19th, 2009 at 11:09 am
What’s so intellectual about Lost. You still can’t name it. Please tell me because I don’t wanna die being lost.
I didn’t see anything intellectual in there. Just pure and simple pseudo mystical pseudo philosophical utter crap.
May 19th, 2009 at 10:45 am
It’s not a defect at all. You’re watching what essentially amounts to a 6 season movie (or at the very least, miniseries). Lost is not episodic, but it is unfortunately presented in episodic increments. That is the restriction of primetime television (or TV period, really).
You don’t really have to devote enormous amounts of spare time to see that the ’subtleties’ absolutely lead somewhere, and often more than one somewhere. You just have to have an open -mind, watch\listen intently and pay attention, and put your personal viewing expectations to the side so you may purely intake what the creators\writers want to deliver to you.
Lost isn’t hiding it’s intellectual challenge and depth in the least bit! Albeit it was far more subtle in the early seasons (mostly due to network restrictions), but its certainly out in the open now and has been for awhile. Again, kudos to those shows for managing that balancing act that you assert is critical to the labelling of a show a masterpiece, but Lost is not those shows. Lost is different than those shows. Lost is better than those shows. If you can be the viewer I described above (which is difficult for Joe Nobodies of this viewing culture, I understand) than you can and most likely will understand and appreciate Lost for what it is. If you happen to take sometime and peruse Lostpedia to catch the things that you happened to miss, than you will love and appreicate the show even more. You can do both without being a fanatical loser. Just like you can come on a random website’s comment section and defend the show without being one.
And in the same post you quite frankly showed that you too fell among the wayside of viewers who did not understand what they were being shown\given through the Lost viewing experience. You mentioned some good shows, no doubt, but each that fall short in some way - if not many - to Lost.
On a side note, XKCD is pretty awesome.. not sure what you’re implying.
May 19th, 2009 at 10:41 am
@BobDobolina:
I second that.
May 19th, 2009 at 10:26 am
Ohhhh, man, Larry, if I wasn’t laughing I’d be crying: “You miss an episode of LOST and you’re way behind. Hell, you miss a few minutes of an episode and you miss out on a clue, foreshadowing, symbol, meaning, answer, hint, etc.”
You should understand this is a defect, not a feature, particularly for those viewers who aren’t willing to devote enormous amounts of spare time to following the show, especially when most of these subtleties lead (or appear to lead) nowhere.
I’m a fan of exceptional production values myself (which Lost does indeed have) and of intellectual challenge and depth (which Lost is hiding very well from the casual viewer if it has them). A genuine masterpiece of a show should be able to provide both without restricting its appeal to the more fanatical fanbase. There are examples of shows that managed this balancing act quite well, in fact — I mentioned several of them earlier — Lost just doesn’t happen to be among them. If you want to be part of a fanatical fanbase, by all means have at it, it’s at least a more respectable calling than being a Furry or a Computational Linguist or an XKCD fan. But for the love of God get some perspective about it, man, for your own sanity if nothing else.
May 19th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Ugh…..epic masterpiece…..it’s a fucking TV show, dude. Don’t get your panties in a bunch just because people think your almighty boob-tube bullshit is stupid. I’m sure there’s plenty of shows out there that I like that you think is a complete waste of time, but I’m not going to say you’re an idiot for thinking they are. Because it’s just TV, for Christ’s sake.
May 19th, 2009 at 10:23 am
(=
You guys are stupid.
Its the internet.
Chill out its just a show..
Why waste your time your never even going to see this people.
It doesnt matter..
May 19th, 2009 at 10:04 am
You’re not an idiot for not liking LOST. You’re an idiot for not liking\understanding LOST and then insulting it and labelling it a bad show when it certainly is not. Even if it’s a bad show to YOU, it’s still a great show with exceptional production and creative values. When it’s to a room full of them, you can pretty much subsitute ‘idiot’ with any of your pathetic labels (Asshole, loser, etc). I’m doing plenty with my life, and I get the added benefit of being able to withold the epic masterpiece that is LOST and understand and appreciate it in all its glory.
May 19th, 2009 at 9:51 am
So, everyone who doesn’t like Lost is an idiot, then? Wow, at first I thought you were just a loser, but now you’ve really made yourself out to be a real asshole. Congratulations.
Keep on crusading for your righteous cause, Larry. Us “idiots” are going to actually do something with our lives. Like not watch Lost because it’s a bad show.
May 19th, 2009 at 9:39 am
Making myself look like an idiot, to a bunch of idiots, is something I can live with a simple chuckle and a smile. I’m sure those same idiots (and more) will continue to label me an obsessed loser fanboy and write me off, and that’s perfectly ok. The truth is, I’m a huge fan in what LOST brings to the TV\film world.. as it is so rare to have so many of those components I mentioned earlier AT ALL - much less working together in tandem so wonderfully. I just came here to laugh at something silly, and decided to simply point out the absurdity in some of the posts, and defend the show against the ingorant and seemingly incompetent. I feel like I have done both.
There is more to this show than the majority of you can even begin to comprehend, and those numbers prove it. You started out watching it expecting one thing or another, with your dulled senses from years of intaking mindless drivel, and when it failed to meet those expectations you gave up and became agitated. Also, the comment of AI and the DVR were separate, not conducive.
This show has consitently and ALWAYS been intellectually stimulating. To say or even think otherwise is laughable and proposterous. Another thing those numbers prove is the amount of viewers who don’t want to be challenged or pay attention or.. think! You miss an episode of LOST and you’re way behind. Hell, you miss a few minutes of an episode and you miss out on a clue, foreshadowing, symbol, meaning, answer, hint, etc. The complexity and depth of the show is astounding and unsurpassed.
All you guys are doing is proving me right over and over again. So by all means, please continue. I love the reinforcement of perceiving just how little you actually know\understand about this masterpiece of a viewing experience.
May 19th, 2009 at 9:33 am
Holy Shit! I think I figured Larry out!
He’s a writer for Lost! There can’t seriously be someone that dedicated to a TV show? Can there? I mean I hope not. That would be scary beyond belief. Larry, please tell me your a writer for Lost and that is why you are so filled with hate towards its critizism; don’t make me lose what little faith I have left in humanity.
May 19th, 2009 at 9:02 am
[...] Truth I’m guessing nobody would watch the show, since we’d know the meaning of the numbersSource:http://www.cracked.com/blog/if-the-characters-on-lost-told-the-truth/ Posted by Andy B at [...]
May 19th, 2009 at 8:58 am
Interesting pick up on the god thing - I was thinking that as well.
Also the 4 toed statue thing is of a crocodile god..and the whole thing is very Egyptian themed.
May 19th, 2009 at 8:57 am
Huh. When I made that “lather, rinse, repeat” joke, Larry, I have to admit I wasn’t expecting you to play that close to type.
May 19th, 2009 at 8:24 am
Awesome.
This is awesome!
Ignore the haters this is really funny stuff.
May 19th, 2009 at 8:18 am
[...] Truth I’m guessing nobody would watch the show, since we’d know the meaning of the numbersSource:http://www.cracked.com/blog/if-the-characters-on-lost-told-the-truth/ Posted by Andy B at [...]
May 19th, 2009 at 8:09 am
“intellectually stimulating”
When did this show ever become intellectually stimulating?
IMO, the overall writing got weaker and weaker every new season.
The characters at the end became more and more different and more and more one-dimensional compared to the same characters of the first episodes and first seasons. This tells me the writers had no clue how to proceed and end the story.
May 19th, 2009 at 7:48 am
That’s what I call a downfall.
http://img35.imageshack.us/img35/6953/lostdownwardspirale.png
Strange, so if many viewers bought a DVD recorder, then why do we have an economical crisis? And why did they buy a DVD recorder in the first place if this show is sooo damn great that it would be a shame not watching it live?
May 19th, 2009 at 7:38 am
[quote]This year it’s up against the 8th rendition of American Idol. Many people DVR. [/quote]
So, this means Lost fanboys prefer to watch AI instead of “their” show? Didn’t you write people who watch AI are morons? Does that mean Lost fanboys are … too?
May 19th, 2009 at 7:31 am
[quote]The complicated and challenging storyline overwhelming them is just one of those reasons. [/quote]
Hahahahahahahahahahaha
May 19th, 2009 at 7:30 am
@Larry
Are you trying to found a religion or something?
Because your argumentation is that of a fundamentalist. Congratulations, you just made a total idiot of yourself with partly good arguments.
May 19th, 2009 at 7:22 am
“If the show’s writers are weaving and delivering the story so goddamned masterfully, why are viewers falling away? Are they all a bunch of idiots with the attention span of gnats traipsing off to watch America’s Next Top Model fail yet again to produce a top model?”
For the same reasons I already posted. Ignorance, stupidity, impatience, inability to truly grasp the story-connections-mystery-symbolism-depth-etc. Not to mention faled personal viewing expectations. The writer’s shouldve done this, the show should’ve done that. On a show this diverse those kinds of mindsets will result in a loss of many viewers. Then you have all the ‘MerDer’-type drama kittens who watched the first season for all the Jack-Sawyer-Kate action and probably lost interest once the show turned intellectually stimulating.
There are many reasons why the show has not maintained it’s high amounts of viewers. The complicated and challenging storyline overwhelming them is just one of those reasons. This year it’s up against the 8th rendition of American Idol. Many people DVR. There are literally millions of people who prefer formulaic and drab crime drama\thrillers to everything else out there (the god-awful CSI Miami anyone?).
Take your pick or any combination thereof.
May 19th, 2009 at 7:20 am
“Not giving a shit is fine.”
So why do you give a shit writing long ass balls nonsense posts then? Here is the truth, because it’s too painful to admit wasting 5 years watching this garbage of a show. Your posts are full of self hate. You pain is palpably. Why else so much anger, swearing and name calling? Well here is my answer, you’ve got no life. You are an Internet loser. Wake up! It’s not an opinion, it’s the same truth.
“Literally NO clue wtf you are talking about. ”
Well I’ve watched all 5 seasons of this comedy show and I still have the same opinion. It’s an average TV show.
Now you’re gonna say “Why didn’t you stop watching, moron?”
Well, because then you would have said ““I stopped watching midway season 2″ invalidates any and all opinions you have or will ever have about this show.”
May 19th, 2009 at 7:19 am
@Larry:
I’m not a “follower” of the shows I like, Larry. That would mean that I’m obsessed. But it’s pretty obvious from your long-winded, pretentious filibuster of a post that you are a “follower” of Lost. That makes you a loser. Sorry, don’t know how else to break it to you, but those are the FACTS. Anyone willing to write an essay-length comment that pretty much kisses the ass of their favorite television program is a LOSER.
May 19th, 2009 at 6:58 am
Not giving a shit is fine. Your loss, but no harm no foul.
The rest of the reponses are just classic examples of my entire post. Overacting? Boring? Bland? Crap? Simple? Soap Opera? Literally NO clue wtf you are talking about. Your responses are more amusing and interesting than the shows you morons are probably followers of.
May 19th, 2009 at 6:43 am
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May 19th, 2009 at 6:38 am
@ Larry:
what about those of us who just don’t give a shit?
i could give any less of a shit than i do about Lost or it’s story, or the writing or anything about it.
your statement about Lost being “TEH BEST SHOW EVAR!” is purely subjective, because if it was true, then everyone would love it, but as i don’t care, and a lot of other peopel don’t care, or hate it, your statement is invalid
May 19th, 2009 at 6:35 am
Hahaha says it 100% correctly
May 19th, 2009 at 6:33 am
Larry: “Wow these are some of the most uninformed, disappointing, and borderline-retarded posts I’ve seen regarding Lost in awhile… invalidates… incompetent, unattentive, or impatient… The story has been masterfully woven and delivered to us… The level of ignorance and stupidity (or both)… defacing something so rich, exciting, and vastly superior…”
Christ, Lostoids are going to be even worse than Trekkers, aren’t they. How depressing.
The Latter-Day Lostoid faces a conundrum, of course. If the show’s writers are weaving and delivering the story so goddamned masterfully, why are viewers falling away? Are they all a bunch of idiots with the attention span of gnats traipsing off to watch America’s Next Top Model fail yet again to produce a top model? Or is the Lostoid’s assessment of the show’s overall quality perhaps subtly flawed in some way?
Oho! The answer to that one is obvious: everyone else must be idiots. Procedure: harangue them as morons who’ve obviously never watched any TV or film! Stupids! You all are stupids! Lather, rinse, repeat.
Of course, some of these people might actually know more about the industry, about television and film, and about art in general than you do. This might make your ranting a bit embarrassing and unconvincing, but don’t let that stop you. The fifty thousand words of speculation you’ve contributed to Lostpedia will SILENCE THEM ALL.
May 19th, 2009 at 6:12 am
Larry, are you from Scientology?
Lost is crap so is your pathetic fanboy post. Get real! It’s nonsense. It’s garbage. So is your post. Get a life. Because Internet isn’t just like Lost. Lost isn’t elitist, it’s so simple, so soap opera, so overdone crap about time travel, so much bad acting and overacting, so much stupid soap opera background music just like the same one you can listen to at Walmart. There is simply nothing to get. It’s a cheesy network show.
May 19th, 2009 at 5:45 am
Wow these are some of the most uninformed, disappointing, and borderline-retarded posts I’ve seen regarding Lost in awhile. “I stopped watching midway season 2″ invalidates any and all opinions you have or will ever have about this show. Cutting off Lost at that point in time (or any point in time really) proves not only was so much of it beyond the grasp of your attention and intellect, but that you would’ve been severely lost (pun intended) as the story continued to pan out.
Anyone with half a brain that has paid attention to the show knows full well that the writers\producers\creators had the major story - as well as some subplots and nuances - significantly planned out from the get go. They have consistently proven this time and time again. It is only the incompetent, unattentive, or impatient who fail to accept or see this.
The show has continually improved from the Pilot to this last finale. It has more depth, meaning, sophistication, connectivity, continuity, and brilliance than most shows even aspire to acheive. I don’t say that as a Lost fanboy, I say that has a good writing, good directing, good viewing experience fanboy.. which Lost consitently and exceptionally delivers on and is one of the few shows on TV that do.
The story has been masterfully woven and delivered to us. It is only due to your own inpetitude or failed personal viewing expectations that you are not able to appreciate it and experience it in all it’s glory. Reading through most of the posts below me I see both of those aspects in HIGH abundance. The level of ignorance and stupidity (or both) is simply astounding.
There is no better show on TV than LOST. Period. You can write me off as an elitist fanboy prick all you want, but it doesn’t change how precisely correct my statement is. Nor does it change the FACT that the major story and various aspects of the show and its characters has been plotted\planned from the beginning and has been continually shown on a weekly basis through the show itself. If I’m an elitist, it’s because I’ve watched a LOT of TV\film and can easily recognize when I’m being given something in the upper percentile (easier still when that something is even more superior). If I’m a fanboy, it’s because I’m a HUGE fan of being given a superior viewing experience and thoroughly enjoy it. If I’m a prick, it’s because I get defensive when I read such ignorant, stupid, and misinfored meanderings defacing something so rich, exciting, and vastly superior to anything else available for our viewing pleasure.
It’s not an opinion, it’s the truth.
May 19th, 2009 at 5:16 am
Boring just like the whole show.
May 19th, 2009 at 4:36 am
i can totally picture them saying those things, yet i stopped watching lost midway season 2. so this just confirms i didn’t mis out on any important plotpoint or character development and can just wait for the big finale we’ve been promised for years.
i hope this show will get cancelled soon, maybe then the writers will finally come up with an ending (even though i never believed the ‘we had it all planned out from the start, including how it is gonnna end’)
May 19th, 2009 at 4:09 am
I totally heard their voices while reading this. The entry for Locke was hilarious.. I always knew he had some kinky love for the island lol
May 19th, 2009 at 3:51 am
Season 1 was shit and season 2 wasn’t great. It’s been getting better and better since season 3 I think. Right now, it’s the bomb
That’s right. The bomb. Haven’t heard that phrase in a while have you?
May 19th, 2009 at 3:16 am
Lost in 5 points:
Season 1 - Amazing and Original
Season 2 - Still building to a climax
Season 3 - Starting to get daft but still, that climax is SO close!
Season 4 - Where the fuck is the climax? What the hell is going on here? They’re off the island but they aren’t? I’m not even sure who I am anymore…
Season 5 onwards - *snooze* What? Lost is still running? Who is STILL watching it when nothing has actually happened since season 3?
Another cracker, Robert!
May 19th, 2009 at 1:20 am
95th
May 18th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
This show still airs??
May 18th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
Lost has no plan. The writers are most likely joining Lost forums and figuring out how to mess with everybody.
May 18th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
Wow, this is a /perfect/ caricature of these characters. Robert Brockway, I seriously hope you move on to bigger and better things because you’ve got talent, man.
May 18th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
lol. moar
May 18th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
That was amazing thank you.
May 18th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
i just know the season premier is going to start at some arbitrary point in time….say 27 years in the future or 32 years in the past….the characters will be living in both times at the same time. in the future some force will all drive them together and in the past sawyer and the rest will be in the Darma inc. and it i will be about the time faraday goes crazy. A series of amazing but somewhat plausible events will piss me off but i will still stick with the series. the last episode right before they explain everything…are they in purgatory…an alien experiment…lost in time….it will cut right when juliet detonates the nuke and time and space ceases to exist. the only one left is Locke and his knives in whitnessness. then i will murder my cat
May 18th, 2009 at 9:16 pm
I’m siding with the smoke monster.
May 18th, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Wow, just wow. This article hit the characters in the eye with flung poo … or something. In any case, I read the diary entries and I could actually hear the characters reading them in my head. Great article, really.
And give Miles a proper storyline, LOST, come on!
May 18th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
Seriously, LOST is the saddest waste of meandering B.S. I have EVER seen put on a television screen…
May 18th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
bobdobolina mr. bobdobolina
May 18th, 2009 at 7:12 pm
“WHY DID YOU RUIN KATE FOR ME CRACKED, WHY?!?!?!?!”
I dunno, I thought the “shitting liquid” thing was kinda hot. Is it just me?
May 18th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
WHY DID YOU RUIN KATE FOR ME CRACKED, WHY?!?!?!?!
May 18th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
“They could not possibly have sold it to the network if they couldn’t tell the execs exactly where it was going.”
I hate to break it to you, but plenty of very expensive shows are greenlit with no clear idea of where they’re going. BSG and the X-Files would be two obvious examples. The same rationale probably lies behind this that lay behind the strictly-episodic show structure when it was uncontested king: namely that without being tied to a definite larger arc, the writers could adapt the show from season to season as ratings (and advertisers) demanded. The first concern of the networks is consistent profitability, not cohesive storytelling.
I can think of shows that did show signs of having a long-term arc planned out that integrated all the stuff they brought up, in fact (Deadwood, Rome, The Wire, even Babylon 5) but if Lost is supposed to be among these, I wasn’t seeing it by the time I stopped watching. They may have a rough idea of the basic resolution they want — though I doubt even that, frankly — but the various plot strands and McGuffins were multiplying out of control by the beginning of the third season.
May 18th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
Now here’s the tale of our castaways
They’re here for a long long time
They’ll have to make the best of things
It’s an uphill climb.
May 18th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
awesomest.
May 18th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Lost sucks huge hairy monkey balls.
This article does not.
May 18th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
As Jacob was dying, didn’t Jacob tell TMIB that somebody was approaching? If the people approaching were the “good guy” on Jacob’s side, it seems contradictory. Anyone have any ideas?
May 18th, 2009 at 5:44 pm
I agree with some of the previous posters that Sayid should have had a journal entry, as well as Jin and/or Sun.
May 18th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
I really like LOST, sometimes I’ll watch an episode and get so emotionally worked up that I have to bicycle around my house naked. I am currently 40 years old, and think this is the best thing since the Thunder Birds. My parents also think it sucks, but they can keep their opinions out of the basement.
May 18th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
I don’t watch lost anyways.
May 18th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
As a fan of Lost I just want to say Simply Brilliant Mr. Brockway, keep it up.
May 18th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
“….when it seemed obvious they had absolutely no idea where the fuck any of it was going.”
Um. LOST is the most expensive TV show ever produced. They could not possibly have sold it to the network if they couldn’t tell the execs exactly where it was going.
Whatever criticisms you have, that one’s a non-starter.
May 18th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Oh the fuck it has. Cum suck me dick!
May 18th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
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May 18th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
BLLAARRG. GIVE ME MORE WALRUS.
May 18th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
OMGosh Kate is SO hot. I wonder who is tagging that!
RT
http://www.privacy-center.de.tc
May 18th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
I’ve never watched one episode of lost, and now I don’t feel I ever need to… I understand now.
May 18th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
I don’t watch the show and yet I still find myself yelling “What he fuck is going on?”
May 18th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Excellent bait-and-switch on the Ben entry.
Good stuff, but don’t make fun of the glandular stuff. Almost four years and Hurley has lost about 20 lbs. If only he’d stay out of the frickin vanilla cookies. Damn Dharma transfats!
May 18th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
The Hurley one was pure genius. And I don’t even watch the show.
May 18th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
ROTFLMAO!!!
I’m a huge LOST fan and I really enjoyed this post. Great characterizations!
May 18th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
@Yarp
That’s it, keep telling people smarter than you that actually understand the deeper meanings of things that they’re just as stupid and are making it up. Just say it again and again. Hold that tight in your little heart so you can continue wanting to live. It’ll work, little buddy. Hang in there.
May 18th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Hahaha.
That was amazing. xD
May 18th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
“I’m not sure if I liked my daddy or not! THIS IS IMPORTANT.”
Love it.
May 18th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Lost is……an awful show. The writing is predictable (within the immediate plot of the episode anyway, past that it’s completely bat-shit), the only people that are at all realistic and/or interesting never get enough screen time or DIE, and the only reason I’m watching is because I’ve gone too far to just give up & NOT see what the hell is going on. Do I think it’ll be a huge disappointment? Hell yes. The finale will leave a lot of fans unsatisfied. I would bet half my left nut on that fact. How? I don’t know. But it will. But I’m hooked, damn it. Plain & simple. I saw one episode, went ‘Huuuhhh???” and now I’m awaiting next season…Ugh.
May 18th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
“Lost is as good a show as has ever been on TV, if you’re smart enough to be able to follow it.”
Bullshit. People like you just like to pretend you ‘get’ the nonsensical pseudo-philosophy mysticism shit (hint: there’s nothing to get) and then call anyone who doesn’t harbor those same illusions stupid.
May 18th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Lost is the best show ever. It will be sad to see it go in 2010.
May 18th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Have I ever told everyone here how much I love having weiners in my mouth?
‘Cause I do… Like a lot!
May 18th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
The smoke monster is a giant penis. Mos def homie
May 18th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
This might be my favorite article you’ve ever written…. I love Lost, and I almost pissed myself laughing at this. Good job!
May 18th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
“….but he told me that he couldn’t ‘give a flying fuck at the moon,’ about my feelings and that I should get back to him when I ‘know what that damn smoke monster is.’”
Nailed it.
May 18th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
My interest after season 2 was sporadic at best and non-existant by the beginning of last season so this post was kind of helpful.
I started watching again this season after they canceled “Life On Mars”, which I was getting into. Thankfully the LOM writers were thinking ahead and had a coherent ending already mapped out and conveniently ready when they pulled the plug.
I have a terrible suspicion that after all the twists, turns and loop-de-loops the ending is going to be a disappointment of epic proportions(ala “Sopranos”).
May 18th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Haha i totally heard their own voices when i read it. Made it that much funnier!
May 18th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
awesome article, I loved it.
Was I the only one who automatically read each person’s journal in their own voice … ?
I think I watch the show too much.
May 18th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Ben would make a pretty good woman, actually. He always thinks he knows what he’s doing, he likes to fake aspects of his life to please other people, and he has a fantastic pair of norkes.
May 18th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
ahahahaha… I’m going to make my wife read this. It will cost me sex for weeks, but it’s totally worth it. Thanks Brockway
May 18th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Ben has the best punchline ever.
May 18th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
this is seriously funny shit. i litterally lol’d through the whole thing.
May 18th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
I don’t watch the show, but I liked this article.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:53 am
I wish Jack and Kate would punch each other in the face until they lost consciousness. Then maybe Jim and Pam will finally get married. Or whatever.
May 18th, 2009 at 10:54 am
Entry form Juliet:
Damn that Kate bitch just won’t leave us alone! James and I were so happy, and almost OFF the f-ing island.. but then she has to show up at the sub and next thing you know, I’m lying in muck at the bottom of the shaft with a bomb. And did you see the way he looked at her? Damn…maybe the bomb IS my best choice!
May 18th, 2009 at 10:54 am
… because I have a life boning women: http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=28&sku=E-CD00379
May 18th, 2009 at 10:31 am
Wow, way to leave out the best character Bobert.
May 18th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Nice,
But where is Sayid’s journal about making a vow to never torture again…but then torturing more people both on island and off?
May 18th, 2009 at 10:24 am
Hurley WAS losing weight on the island, for a while.
Then they discovered the hatch with a year’s supply of food in it, and not just fish and fruit. It had candy, cereal, meats, entire meals and, one of Hurley’s favorites, ranch dressing.
That caused Hurley to stop losing weight, even after all the food was gone, and Hurley destroyed his stash of food. Moments later an air drop only supplied the island with another mass amount of food.
May 18th, 2009 at 10:14 am
So, people have been leaving and returning to the Island? I have to admit Lost snared me for a while, but they kind of… lost me after season two, when it seemed obvious they had absolutely no idea where the fuck any of it was going. If I want to look at Evangeline Lilly, I’ve got Google.
Funny article.
May 18th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Yep… don’t watch Lost so I any “humor” here is lost on me… get it? LOST on me? MWA HA HA HA HA!
May 18th, 2009 at 10:05 am
A.D: Who the fuck is Harvey?
May 18th, 2009 at 9:55 am
I don’t really like Lost, but I loved this. Especially the Harvey one.
May 18th, 2009 at 9:52 am
Lost is as good a show as has ever been on TV, if you’re smart enough to be able to follow it. The only problem I see with it is that it’s the type of show that belongs on cable so that they can have swearing and nudity, which would be a lot more realistic in fitting in with the content.
Pretty funny article. It could have gone on a LOT longer and the author probably could have come up with some funny shit on even the minor characters.
May 18th, 2009 at 9:33 am
Lost really reminds me of all my circuts from futurama. Constant revelations. I still fucking love it though.
Great entry for Sawyer.
May 18th, 2009 at 9:29 am
all i need to catch up and never watch this show. thanks!
May 18th, 2009 at 9:18 am
BAH! Lost is terrible anyways! Rediculous for the sake of being rediculous! I tried watching the show, but when in the first couple of episodes some mechanical monster comes around to kill everyone for no real reason… that’s when I decide it’s time to stop watching TV altogether. It has great character development, which is why it got soo popular….but seriously people look at the story itself! It makes little to no sense! And it is completely rediculous.
May 18th, 2009 at 9:14 am
pretty funny, i dun even watch lost
May 18th, 2009 at 9:09 am
I see the majority of us don’t like using our brains. Go watch Desperate Housewives. It has titties.
Anyway, Hurley is gaining weight because he keeps finding food stores full of ranch, chips, ect.
Also, Jack’s entry. Yes. So damn funny. My sides hurt from laughing.
May 18th, 2009 at 9:01 am
This was an interesting article, but it didn’t make me laugh out loud because I’ve never watched Lost. Not saying it was poorly written, I just didn’t find the Laugh Out Loud humor in it due to my inexperience with the subject material. Like most of your articles, it was good enough to make me read it from beginning to end.
By the way, luckylostie, and anyone else this applies to, shut the hell up about doctorchaos. I’ve read almost every comment he’s made, and he seems to only pick on certain authors (Swaim, Gladstone’s written posts, almost every comic featured), while making normal posts on everything else. Either he just likes to troll certain people so he can sit back and laugh at your reactions, or he’s just like us, a human with real opinions. Whether or not your American, the fact you are human on the internet gives you the right to say whatever you want. He can voice his opinions, you can criticize him, he can retort, I can criticize you all for continuing it by making direct comments…you see how its just one big circle that perpetuates itself? If you really got a problem with him, ignore him. Otherwise, him and I both will laugh at you all (which, in the grand scheme of things, doesn’t really mean much. Let it go).
May 18th, 2009 at 8:50 am
Watching the show would really help you satirize it better. Then you’d know that they are going into the sixth season, and that Hurley hasn’t been on the island for four years.
May 18th, 2009 at 8:49 am
luckylostie,
I have no idea what you’re talking about. Why, the season has been correct this whole time. Do you have some sort of medical condition, where you constantly see the wrong seasons listed on articles? That is a sad thing. I will pray for your healing.
May 18th, 2009 at 8:39 am
Hahahaha love! XD
They are on the island off the island, back again on the island, deep people are seen and a strange fucking dark shadow moves around.
JUST GET OF THE GOD DAMN ISLAND!
Please end the show, its been on longer then it should have!
May 18th, 2009 at 8:35 am
Locke and Ben’s entries were brilliant. The rest were funny, but those two were brilliant.
May 18th, 2009 at 8:32 am
Awww, poor Doctorchaos doesn’t understand Lost so he’s trying to bring down the people who do… Anyone who doesn’t watch Lost is missing out. Way the fuck out. I shudder to think what kind of drivel you watch instead.
And for shame, Brockway - Finally a Lost article, and you get the season wrong. Tsk.
May 18th, 2009 at 8:25 am
Dude… Kate looks like a beaver - she’s not all that pretty. Now I can see Libby and Juliet as pretty, but Kate is just… ew.
And the Ben thing made me laugh haha great job.
Hurley and Locke ftw
May 18th, 2009 at 8:09 am
“but he told me that he couldn’t “give a flying fuck at the moon,” about my feelings”. I’m still laughing.
May 18th, 2009 at 7:42 am
I actually kind of understand whats going on in the show.
May 18th, 2009 at 7:41 am
I heard the fat guy has his OWN catering truck, and it’s a goddam semi.
Any article that takes the piss out of LOST, and the mono brain- celled retards that enjoy it, is pure WIN as far as I’m concerned.
GG Brockway.
May 18th, 2009 at 7:39 am
What was that about coming in to season 7? I thought we’d just finished season 5? Shit! Oh well, even if I’ve missed a whole season without noticing, I’m sure it won’t make any difference to the coherence of the plot.
May 18th, 2009 at 7:37 am
Awesome, just fucking awesome. God I can’t wait til next year when they finally end this shit.
May 18th, 2009 at 7:31 am
Not even the writers know what the fuck is going on. Anyway, Kate is hot.
May 18th, 2009 at 7:24 am
What? No Sayid? I can understand not having Desmond, or Farraday, and even possibly Juliet, but Sayid is one of the main ones. Oh, and Claire isn’t dead. She’s just sitting pretty with Christian.
May 18th, 2009 at 6:53 am
[...] Told the Truth Jump to comments Posted in: Featured New article up at Cracked, wherein I basically swear at Lost for a thousand words or so…because I have to wait like a god damn year to find out if everybody exploded or not. The [...]
May 18th, 2009 at 6:45 am
Somehow, I now understand lost because of this. And it still manages to make no sense whatsoever.
May 18th, 2009 at 6:41 am
Very funny… where is that Sawyer picture from? I don’t remember him strumming the guitar
May 18th, 2009 at 6:21 am
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May 18th, 2009 at 6:03 am
Onodera: Beats me, dude.
May 18th, 2009 at 6:02 am
I thought the fat guy was Curly.
May 18th, 2009 at 5:33 am
What’s Lost?
May 18th, 2009 at 5:31 am
Good article… but Hurley’s definitley not been on the island for 4 years. He was on it for 100 days, then off it for 3 years and has only recently gotten back on the island… so I don’t think it’s all that big a deal that he’s still fat.
And I don’t think Miles actually sees dead people… he more like feels their presence through their dead body or some crap like that. Hurley on the other hand sees them.
The article still made me laugh tho. Can’t wait for the last season… hopefully there is actually a real conclusion to this show.
May 18th, 2009 at 5:30 am
sixth
May 18th, 2009 at 5:25 am
How you gunna put up a pic of Kate’s fine ass and then tell me all about her dookie juice? Damn man…Damn…
May 18th, 2009 at 5:17 am
Ben’s P.S. should have included, “Oh yeah, my dad is Uncle Rico. How weird is that?”
May 18th, 2009 at 5:14 am
You know, I think this show would be a lot more interesting if the show was about a guy who lost his keys on the island, and he was just trying to find them again.
May 18th, 2009 at 5:07 am
That ending couldn’t have been better. Seriously the surprise and randomness just creates it.
May 18th, 2009 at 5:01 am
Aren’t we heading into th 6th season? Or did I lose track due to that pencil I jammed in my eyeball while they were stuck in the polar bear cages?
May 18th, 2009 at 4:33 am
That last one, the explanation about Richard actually sounded really good until the P.S.
Although, the P.S. did make it awesome.
Well done, fellow Lostie.