Every time Superman pushes a meteor out of a collision course to Earth, Aquaman is somewhere else, pushing a fish to go too far on a first date. And he’s the only superhero with the ability to speak to fish, so it can’t even talk to anyone about it. Fish scream when you fart in the water, and only Aquaman can hear them. It’s like music to him. I just remembered something: Aquaman sucks. These are his adventures.
This entry was posted on Thursday, October 22nd, 2009 at 4:00 am and is filed under Comic Books, Comics, Music, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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If Aquaman Comics Knew How Much Aquaman Sucks
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November 13th, 2009 at 2:51 am
one of Seanbaby’s articles was the first thing i read on cracked, he has been my favorite writer since then, and with things like this, i don’t think it will ever change.
November 12th, 2009 at 11:55 am
By “chai moresto” I nearly pissed my pants.
I never thought Cracked could be taken to another level, but damnit Seanbaby, you have.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
The thing about the ocean is that there is a lot of it, and from what we’ve seen of the murky depths, it holds strange creatures that were never meant to see the light of day.
October 31st, 2009 at 5:05 pm
“Hong Chong Bong!”
“Ha Ha!”
Gold.
October 29th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
This was by far the funniest thing I have ever read on Cracked. Ever. Just perfect.
October 28th, 2009 at 8:40 am
[...] Aquaman comics if Aquaman realized how much Aquaman sucks [...]
October 27th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
Seanbaby, you need a clothing line. Put these things on tshirts. I will buy one.
October 27th, 2009 at 9:09 am
lol at chad allen, he’s a guy who write manga fanficiton, the most gay and retarded activity that someone can do on the internet..
October 26th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
I want your babies now, Seanbaby
October 26th, 2009 at 2:47 am
Seanbaby, seriously, WTF? I laughed my ass off with Batman the Dark Fratboy, but this one sucked balls.
October 25th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Can’t be your collection as none went back to the 40’s. I’d seriously have made some serious cash off of those.(Not that I was the type to sell comics…but all those back then would have afforded me many, many comics and probably a mansion and Rolls.JK. I suspect the guy DID steal them from a mini storage though. These were all boxed and bagged.
It’s Shadow CraN. As in Cranston. No worries though.
Aquaman even sucked in the villains department. Black Manta, who as Seanbaby has pointed out on his Superfriends part of his website, was just a guy with a boat. Ocean Master was a whining version of Aquaman(imagine that …shudder). He had a supervillain called The Fisherman who used….exploding lures and other stupidities(there was a recent assassin on Venture Brothers that reminded me of the Fisherman)
It made me wonder about Aquababy, though. He sprouted superpowers often. It was as if Superman got busy with Mera during one of his daily visits to get Aquaman out of a trap.
About the ads. I always wanted to get those “Complete revolutionary War sets” and other war sets. I heard later, though, that each of these sets were so tiny that ants looked down on them.
“Want people to cower with fear when they see you coming with your shoulder bag? Then sell Grit!” Grit! Finally! A newspaper designed especially for the bottoms of bird cages!”
October 25th, 2009 at 4:02 am
And will Pete Wheatstraw, the devil’s son-in-law, continue selling seeds. Well done, Seanbaby…
October 24th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
Aquaman lives in an underwater city and he can communicate with sea creatures. He’s your man if you need to know what’s happening in the ocean. Maybe Superman has to go underwater to do some superhero stuff, and he thinks “I’d better go to Atlantis first to see Aquaman, he can give me the lowdown.” Like an underwater Huggy Bear. Or on his own, he could rely on his wits, like an underwater Spirit. But THIS NEVER HAPPENS. Instead, for some reason DC insists on cramming every hero together into deformed shapes like “Justice League” and “Superfriends,” and Aquaman always ends up getting dragged out of the ocean. So of course he’s going to look like a tool.
October 24th, 2009 at 8:20 pm
i love the last panel and the fish isn’t an exact language thing
October 24th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Christopher Chance=Chris Chance=Christians. Get it? They’re the guys that go waaaay out of their way to find reasons to get upset about things that they never would have heard of it they hadn’t gone waaay out of their way to find.
October 24th, 2009 at 9:43 am
Eh, decent article, although the whole “Aquaman is a useless superhero who can only talk to fish” deal has been done to death before.
“Fish isn’t an exact language, it’s more of a dance” and white being the only race avalable in that advertisement were worth a chuckle, though.
October 24th, 2009 at 12:26 am
“Oh, OK. I thought it would be more complicated for some reason.”
Brilliant.
October 23rd, 2009 at 8:58 pm
You fucking rule, Seanbaby
October 23rd, 2009 at 8:00 pm
I nearly pooped myself while reading the Aquafather comic. Holy shit, all of these are the funniest things I’ve read on the web.
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:50 pm
This is the funniest thing I’ve read in weeks. I laughed so hard I cried!
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:08 pm
Classic Seanbaby. Long overdue.
October 23rd, 2009 at 3:10 pm
ahahahah
October 23rd, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Yay! And I’m too drunk to actually remember anything, so I will be reading this again tomorrow, and find it funny again, thank you alcohol, you realy are the gift that keeps on giving.
October 23rd, 2009 at 12:32 pm
but Seanbaby’s been doing this kind of stuff long before Jay Pinkerton. Get your time lines straight people.
October 23rd, 2009 at 10:26 am
“Vwooooooo!” indeed.
October 23rd, 2009 at 6:59 am
LMFAO this was awesome as fuck (like I had any doubt)!!!
Cristopher “Asspie” Chance, your butthurt faggotry aside, it’s actually ok to do this under the fair use clause (if you weren’t a retard you’d know that).
October 23rd, 2009 at 6:48 am
Laughed. So hard. Out loud in class.
Thank you, Seanbaby!
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:09 am
The Dolemite references in the seed ad were awesome.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:03 am
[...] Aquaman Comics Knew How Much Aquaman Sucks (Cracked) Dish Washing Motivation and Other Funny [...]
October 23rd, 2009 at 2:54 am
You’re publishing to a demographic that’s seen Justice League. Aquaman jokes ain’t gonna cut it anymore, Cracked.
October 23rd, 2009 at 12:34 am
I laughed at the changes to the old seed selling add (which I remember well), but no much at anything else.
October 22nd, 2009 at 10:52 pm
Seanbaby, your seamless integration of story elements is ingenious. The piss-filled rocket made sense in the very last frame, and you had enough foresight to explain it. Bravo.
October 22nd, 2009 at 10:12 pm
You’re MY hero, Seanbaby. Please make more! ^o^
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:54 pm
This made my day. Awesome! Four squiggly lines out of five: ~~~~
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:19 pm
So I was watching a Justice League rerun the other day, and this badass with a mullet and a hook for a hand pops out of the water and saves Batman’s ass, and I’m wonderin “Where’d this motherfucker come from?”
Then, Batman addresses him as “Aquaman” and I totally shit bricks.
October 22nd, 2009 at 8:32 pm
theres a contemporary Aquaman?
October 22nd, 2009 at 8:24 pm
When you rearrange the letters in the name Christopher Chance, it spells “Aquaman Lives”. Coincidence? I think not.
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Seriously…Aquaman fans are real?
Did they ever see an episode of Super Friends? Because i’m pretty sure that show was made just to show that aquaman isn’t even a fan of aquaman.
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Shadowcram!!
That was my collection. Seriously. I had a great collection that got stolen. Just disappeared from a ministorage where it had been put during a move.
My whole collection gone. I had great stuff from the 1940s even. So, frankly, seanbaby is my only link to those good old days. I could never buy them all back again, but I had started collecting when I was 8.
Well, forget my life story. Glad they brought you some happiness. Hope the guy with the car trunk has had to sell GRIT to make ends meet.
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:55 pm
That was one of the funniest things I have read in years. I laughed as hard as I did when I read “The Churchill Wit” from Nat Lamp! Thanks!!
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:47 pm
hey christopher chance.
Why so serious? Aquaman is lame!
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:46 pm
Never read Seanbaby while masticating.
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:43 pm
You can bust on Aquaman, but leave the seed “scam” alone.
Sell at a buck a packet to all the grandmas in your neighborhood, plus their grandmas. Kid keeps 50 cents, reports sales fairly to distributor for prizes. 50 cents a packet times a thousand packets is 500 bucks PLUS four air rifles!
Then do it again the next year with hired elementary school minions with air rifles. Double your pleasure, triple your fun. You are set if you stay away from Bernie Madoff.
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:40 pm
Wow. Is that last comment a joke? That is one serious aquaman fan.
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:34 pm
This is terrible, I am permanently giving up reading your stuff printed and otherwise! I happen to consider Aquaman a great hero, and not a character to be f’d over by your feeble attempt at humor.
I hope you get sued for using copyrighted art (and it is). I would consider continuing to read if you cease and desist on Aquaman (and any other established Hero) and print an apology to all the Aquaman fans out there.
I am pretty sure by what you are doing, that you do not even know the character which you are profaning. Do some studying of contemporary Aquaman. He is not a weakling, wuss, or any other put down that might come to your mind.
Thanks!
October 22nd, 2009 at 6:44 pm
@Kyo Says:i believe that show is Batman:The Brave and The Bold
October 22nd, 2009 at 6:36 pm
@Kyo
It was Batman: The Brave and The Bold… I remember that episode because Aquaman was depressed because he couldn’t save some dolphins or something… what a pussy.
October 22nd, 2009 at 6:18 pm
I’m suddenly reminded of an episode of one of the newer shows that I don’t quite remember the name of that I unfortunately sat through.
Scientist: “These robots are attacking the city, and we can’t stop them!”
Aquaman: “Then all is lost!”
As he hung his head, Batman gave him an utter look of disgust. When the robots did come, Aquaman did the same thing as in this comic and just got the fuck up out of there.
October 22nd, 2009 at 6:12 pm
Hong Chong Bong.
*titter*
I miss Jay Pinkerton too :- (
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:53 pm
The last panel says it all. Reading aquaman is like getting a rocket full of piss on your face…Kinda like being a parent.
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:52 pm
I don’t blame Seanbaby for imitating Jay Pinkerton. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:48 pm
this is so funny ! great job !
too much funny quotes !
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Why is everyone telling themselves to do terrible things to themselves?
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:22 pm
Masturbating manatees! This was funny as shiiiiitt!
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:17 pm
that was good
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:04 pm
I’m confused… maybe my nerd trivia processor needs to be defragged again, but it seems to me that these comics are totally unchanged from their original release. Who knows, I could be wrong about that. I mean Last week I thought Cody’s videos about Lost were made by someone else and he just uploaded them because I misread one word in his intro… and also because I found it hard to believe anyone would spend any length of time making videos about Lost.
But nothing that happens here, from the accidental oil spill, to molesting Aqualad in his sleep while shrunken on a Lawnmower engine… I think… is outside cannon.
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:44 pm
PS Fuck Me.
No, I mean the guy named ‘Me’ who commented below.
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:42 pm
“You want to see me not suck? Fine!”
Hilarious article!
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:38 pm
And by the way, if it didn’t show from my initial belligerence, I’m a bit drunk at the moment.
Presence is spelled with a “c” near the end.
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:36 pm
@”Me”
Really, go die in a fucking fire.
Seanbaby is a legend in the internet comedy business and serves as an inspiration to all the columnists you see here. His presense here is the equivalent to having Maddox on this site (and I as sure to fuck hope you know who that is).
I’m goddamn serious. Go die a slow and horribly painful death.
October 22nd, 2009 at 3:43 pm
The only time aquaman could ever have been useful is if he was in the Cloverfield movie and talked the monster into eating him anyway.
October 22nd, 2009 at 3:23 pm
OMG, that was funny as hell! I think the seeds thing was my favorite part.
@”Me”, go drink douche water.
October 22nd, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Some of it was funny but again this is the type of article I need to be high to really enjoy. Though if I was high this would undoubtedly be the shit!
October 22nd, 2009 at 2:31 pm
I remember when Cracked actually had articles that were not only original but actually funny. This guy and who ever the hell “Cody” is should just go away. You guys are not funny.
October 22nd, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Bunni-
Yeah. And now Seanbaby does it and it’s fucking hilarious.
Pinkerton is great, but while I *MIGHT* be mistaken… Seanbaby has been doing it longer.
October 22nd, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Terryfying. And funny as hell!
Congrats, Seanbaby!
October 22nd, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Remember when Jay Pinkerton used to do this sort of thing? only it was funny?
October 22nd, 2009 at 2:12 pm
fck my boss just asked me why I am reading this thing… and he dosent know english…. what would batshit batman do???
October 22nd, 2009 at 2:01 pm
This, right here, is fantastic. And right on the money. No wonder dude grew a big ass beard, cut of his hand, got a hook, died, turned into a water elemental, died, and continued to suck even when not in current continuity.
October 22nd, 2009 at 1:55 pm
This column is my favorite part of Thursdays.
October 22nd, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Dude, my secretary is wondering why the hell I’m laughiong so hard, WTF am I gonna do - I sure as hell can’t show her this….
October 22nd, 2009 at 1:44 pm
“American Seeds have my parents”. HA! Good work,Seanbaby.
October 22nd, 2009 at 1:36 pm
funny, funny stuff up there. MUST find a way to work “Shitty Creatures! Be my friends!” into a conversation.
October 22nd, 2009 at 1:23 pm
You are my favourite person in the entire world. keep up the awesome articles, you blow my mind
October 22nd, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Aquaman sucks so bad it never gets old. He’s an infinite resource of pity.
October 22nd, 2009 at 12:48 pm
well. Nice to know that others realize just how badly Aquaman sucks.
October 22nd, 2009 at 12:48 pm
If only they made these as the actual comics. And yeah I think it would probably take several decades of selling those seeds to make enough money to buy one rifle let alone four of `em. Although the one night as a hobo sounds pretty awesome.
October 22nd, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Again with the Aquaman jokes? Can’t you think up any NEW material?
October 22nd, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Except the seeds ad. That was funnier than the comic. Next time wait until your writers graduate elementary school before you sic them on your readers.
October 22nd, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Aquaman is like the Spencer Pratt of superheros.
October 22nd, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Wow, this sucked. That’s it.
October 22nd, 2009 at 11:56 am
“Half of you won’t even know this is food! It kills lab mice!”
I swear to God I laughed so hard that I fell off my bed and nearly crushed my dog. Great article. Glad to be reminded just how badly Aquaman sucks.
There’s one great thing to love about Blackest Night: AQUAMAN DIES. Granted, he becomes an undead evil zombie, but now Superman is justified to rocket Aquaman’s stupid ass into the sun.
October 22nd, 2009 at 11:33 am
Was reading this on the bus home and laughing so hard that people moved away from me. Thanks for making me a social pariah, Seanbaby. Keep up the great work and more old-school comic ads please.
October 22nd, 2009 at 11:29 am
I don’t know why, but I just don’t like seanbaby’s writing. I try to read it, but it’s all shit. Eat shit and die.
October 22nd, 2009 at 11:21 am
The one with the baby is hilarious! So random.
Masturbating Manatees!!!
October 22nd, 2009 at 11:08 am
“Mistress Hate’s BARBED DILDOS”
Awesome, Seanbaby. Even when your contributions are at their worst (and this is not one of those times) they’re better than most shit online. This is why I look forward to Thursdays now.
October 22nd, 2009 at 11:08 am
That seed advertisement is the funniest thing I have ever seen on this site. Thank you, Seanbaby.
October 22nd, 2009 at 11:06 am
… thank God Captain America won’t be!!! http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1292175/ Thank God!
October 22nd, 2009 at 10:56 am
I particulary liked the seed add. I remember selling those damn things in school.
October 22nd, 2009 at 10:38 am
This is fucking awesome. I swear that every time I read a Seanbaby’s article, I add a new word to my vocabulary.
Today’s words: dickhugger. hong chong bong.
October 22nd, 2009 at 10:29 am
LOL
loved it
jsut like the batman
October 22nd, 2009 at 10:13 am
Contributions like this make me happy. For folks who groove on this one, be sure to go to Seanbaby’s site at seanbaby dot com. He has an outstanding Superfriends section.
October 22nd, 2009 at 10:07 am
First Seanbaby article I’ve ever been able to finish… and I enjoyed it!
October 22nd, 2009 at 10:04 am
This is by far the funniest thing he has ever written imo. I was laughing so hard at the seed things.
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:50 am
between Seanbaby’s dubbed over comics and his MMA articles (speaking of which, MOAR PLZ?) he has pretty much become my 2nd favorite columnist behind DOB.
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:50 am
hahaha, i tought the best part was the seeds ad.
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:46 am
“this face will make the perfect test subject for our latest weapon… it works!”
I actually lol’ed
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:36 am
haha Aquaman sucks!
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:24 am
i laughed so much… i cried
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:22 am
Eww, he got piss all over his face. That’s nasty. . .
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:14 am
That was great! i laughed my ass off. the piss rocket to keep the kids away selling seeds…… sweet!
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:12 am
Social comments and analytics for this post…
This post was mentioned on Digg by Awwzm: As a kid watching the Super Friends, I knew Aquaman was totally useless. He was always getting f’ed up one way or another and needed to be rescued. He was the Justice League’s admin….
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:09 am
‘Race: White; Fun Space’
Oh, geez, seanbaby. I was going to tl;dr this when I took a closer look. Nice job.
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:03 am
I’m confused. We see two characters, here. Aquaman, and Ocean Master, and for some reason people pay money to read comics about Aquaman?
Who designed his suit? It’s like gay stereotypes artificially empregnated a mentally handicapped gymnast and their baby grew up making costumes and eating paint chips.
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:02 am
(slow clap)
Well done, sir.
October 22nd, 2009 at 8:58 am
Between this, the Herculoids article and the Batman WTF adventures (and especially the mock ads), this is some of the funniest shit you can read on this site. To be honest, the first two Aquaman articles didn’t make me laugh but the last two did, especially “Aquafather”.
“Later, asshole!” LOL
October 22nd, 2009 at 8:44 am
Two words…
BLACK LANTERN AQUAMAN.
October 22nd, 2009 at 8:41 am
Yeah, that was awesome. I’d like to see more shitty Aquaman comics.
A lot of people rag on how bad old Superman and Batman comics were, but dammit Aquaman’s powers are holding his breath underwater all day and thinking to fish.
October 22nd, 2009 at 8:28 am
Dude, you are worth your weight in gold.
October 22nd, 2009 at 8:21 am
Omg, the f’ing mail in ads cannibalized into something “more” were classic. You could do a whole section those alone.
October 22nd, 2009 at 8:20 am
Seeds? Phah! Cool kids sell GRIT!
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:51 am
As Jeff Dunham likes to point out, Aquaman has exactly the same superpowers as Spongebob. Great way to dramatize the point!
*applause*
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:42 am
Shout out @ glendoor42-
Missed you for a while there buddy. Noticed you started posting again a few days ago. Glad to see that your case worker at the VA Hospital convinced you to start taking your med.’s again.
It’s good to have you back.
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:41 am
My new favorite thing ever.
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:41 am
“Seriously do either of them [Aquaman and Elasticman] get any respect?”
No respect. No respect at all.
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:39 am
Gotta agree with NotSafyreSchool; the mock ads are way funnier than the comic.
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:38 am
While I do not agree with your hairstyle, I find you very funny when you make the articles.
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:35 am
“Kids never sell enough seeds to get guns. So we have them all. You think about that.”
Right on, Punnikin. I’m liking the American Seeds ad best too, though the “Fun Space_____” part of the order form mystified me. Can any one clear that up?
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:35 am
Yah, Augaman is MAJOR boring to say the very least!
RT
http://www.anonymous.ua.tc
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:32 am
“Hand over the piss rocket Earth human.”
…
“This face will make the perfect test subject for our latest weapon!”
“It works!!!”
Damn Seanbaby, I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love what you do.
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:32 am
lol…. just lol.
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:31 am
Good work again, Seanbaby. As I’ve read your site over and over for the belly laughs I get, it’s good to see you revive one of your best, making fun of superheroes. Seriously, make this a regular series. Besides the mainstream heroes, there’s a lot of failed comic book characters out there begging to get made fun of.
Someone asked about the baby. I don’t remember what EXACTLY happened, but the baby died and so did Mera, the mother. The fucked up thing is I think they died in many issues of Aquaman. I think the writer for it then was killing them off every month just to see if anyone noticed. Since no letters of outrage ever showed up, it must have convinced D.C. comics that noone read it.
I used to collect comics and one day I got a gold mine opportunity outside my comics shop. A guy sold me about 200 comic books, many of them old, for $20 out of the back of his car. It had some Aquaman issues in it, which were probably worth - $50 an issue so it devalued the good comics in the mix, including some single digit numbered issues of Teen Titans.
Anyway, I read the Aquaman comics and it seemed every other one had Mera and the Aquababy dying. What was sort of wierd is that Aquaman would see them crushed under rocks or something and wouldn’t even bother digging through to see if they maybe survived. He’d go on with the adventure as if the deaths were just a momentary 2 panel distraction. At the end of the comic he would lament their loss and talk about suddenly feeling lonely. I wish I was making this up.
The thing is I think Aquaman had some good powers and good underwater settings but messed them all up due to ineptitude. He’d call lame ass sea creatures for some stupid reason that would take forever to do anything.
I swear that Atlantis was destroyed 2 times an issue in the same comics that Mera and Aquababy died. I think if some seaweed got dislodged and hit the “shield” over Atlantis, it would bust the entire thing in moments. How can you call yourself a city when you could be destroyed by a child in a scuba outfit throwing rocks?
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:28 am
And the awesomeness kept going and going and going…
If I wasn’t going to a funeral in five minutes, this would be a great Thursday.
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:26 am
It sad that even in such shows like Justice League & Batman: Brave and the Bold…Aquaman still sucks and is disliked. The only superhero possibly worse than Aquaman is Elasticman. Seriously do either of them even get any respect?
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:14 am
Who the hell is “Elasticman?” Do you mean Plastic Man? Or Ralph Dibney, the Elongated Man?
Anyway, I digress. Great work as always, Seanbaby! Keep those superhero strips coming like Peter North, pal.
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:13 am
I like Aquaman…
Great read as always though!
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:12 am
jaguar1024,
Funny you should ask that. I’ve been wondering the same.
Seanbaby… was that “Child Molester” comic autobiographical? It’s okay; let it all out.
I know it must have hurt, but it wasn’t your fault that even as a baby you were more awesome than Aquaman.
Aquaman is a douche.
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:10 am
I loved American Seeds. Best thing ever.
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:10 am
piss rocket made me lol
October 22nd, 2009 at 6:50 am
i enjoyed the mock comic book ads more than the mock comic book material.
October 22nd, 2009 at 6:50 am
they later added super strength and flying or some shit so aquaman would seem less lame
October 22nd, 2009 at 6:41 am
[...] Even Sean Baby knows Aquaman sucks. (Cracked) [...]
October 22nd, 2009 at 6:29 am
Thank you for reminding us again how much Aquaman sucks. For some reason it never gets old!
October 22nd, 2009 at 6:28 am
Dongtastic
October 22nd, 2009 at 6:26 am
“Thats for costing me 30 underwater chinese bucks!”
Goddamn this was epic.
October 22nd, 2009 at 6:20 am
“That’ll be thirty underwater chinese bucks” Ha, ha! The worst part is that in those years, that’s how they would’ve really named the currency in those comics. Check in Seanbaby.com the Aquaman Twinkies comic ads. Those show how pathetic he is, and they’re not even made up. I specially enjoy the comments from Mr. Fish.
October 22nd, 2009 at 6:20 am
Seanbaby’s deep seated hatred for Aquaman seems to indicate some sort of Aquaman related trauma when you were a child. I may be going out on a limb, but could Seanbaby have been Aqualad??
October 22nd, 2009 at 6:19 am
I kind of like the idea of John Bolton as a weapons designer in the last comic. It’s something a man with a moustache like that was born to do.
October 22nd, 2009 at 6:01 am
I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahaha!!! this was AWESOME!!
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:50 am
Wanna find a tall partner???
Here is a very nice dating community —— Tallchat.com ——-It’s where Tall people looking for someone to enjoy their lifestyle with. Come in and stay a while. Complete your profile. Post a message, a picture of yourself and check out the photo galleries. Give it a try, you will find someone you like here…
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:49 am
Fucking funny. I always HATED Aquaman. I also love the little ads in the center. The only race listed for the ad is “white” (This comic probably printed around the 1950’s), and how the old man was making his piss rocket for the neighborhood kids selling seeds in the hood. Ha! Takes me back to a simpler time…when I used to sell seeds to crazy old men. =p
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:48 am
Okay, before I read any further, Very Awesome Dolemite Shoutout, Seanbaby.
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:31 am
Sell Seeds, Get Laid! Depends on the seeds.
Pretty funny. You managed to make Aqua Man suck even harder,if that’s humanly possible, but you did it, I guess that makes you not human or Super Human.
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:22 am
Man I fucking pissed over myself laughing. Holy crap, that was hilarious. Please, do write more of these.
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:16 am
Yeah, the American Seeds ad was solid gold. Good Lord.
Great way to start a workday.
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:05 am
Barbed dildos, fucking hilarious!
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:05 am
Laughed so hard I teared up.
Thanks a pantload Sean.
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:02 am
Child molester? Just to fuck with its head? Awesome.
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:01 am
“Are you talking about my wife or my baby? Because neither one of them listen to me.”
So perfectly pathetic hahahaha
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:55 am
Y’know, the Golden Age Aquaman was a master of bearhanded combat.
And by bearhanded combat, I mean he threw polar bears at people.
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:54 am
I still own one of the old seanbaby.com “Aquaman Sucks!” tees, also the “Mr. T Enjoys Cereal” one. I wish he still sold those.
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:47 am
Giant vomiting Pelican is nightmare fuel.
THIS WAS FORETOLD!
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:44 am
Chai moresto!
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:40 am
“hong chong bong”fucking hilarious!
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:40 am
“I’ll thank you to get the fuck out of my office.”
For some reason, with that specific photo that phrase is even funnier than it already is. Awesome.
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:39 am
Oh man, that’s awesome. Who the hell thought up Aquaman?
Masturbating manatees!
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:37 am
“Underwater Section 3? This is Grove Street!”
Lol. Hilarious.
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:35 am
i want to read the actual comics now.
why are they throwing away a baby that shoots lasers?
thats awesome
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:28 am
From now on I am going to work “shitty creatures, be my friends” into every conversation.
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:19 am
Good article, but the ending was a bit abrup
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:16 am
I would choose a quote, but goddamn, this is all gold. Just… just keep being great at your job, making me laugh!
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:14 am
Kids never sell enough seeds to get guns. So we have them all. You think about that.
Excellent reading at 8:00 am. Well played, Seanbaby.
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:04 am
‘American Seeds Have My Parents’
Awesome