Of all the things that take a violent pounding in any action movie, nothing absorbs more abuse than the buildings and structures where the events take place. Have you ever wondered what happens to those buildings after the movie ends? Conventional wisdom would dictate that they remain destroyed forever, but we only believe that because we stop thinking about them altogether. In real life, no matter what their post-credits state may be, chances are some enterprising real estate mogul would swoop in and try to turn all that destruction into an opportunity to make a little extra cash. Here's what the listings for a few famously battered movie properties would probably look like ...
Adorable two-story craftsman home with panoramic South American jungle views will leave you and your family breathless. Expect mild altitude sickness without oxygen mask. Inaccessible by car or foot, but generous landing space for helicopter, hot air balloon, or dirigible.
Built by hand in the 1940s, this quirky property requires slight repairs. Plumbing was destroyed by prior tenant, who uprooted the entire foundation with a delightful DIY balloon-powered apparatus in lieu of jackscrews. Some now-petrified human waste is in need of removal.
We recommend hovering the house above a chasm to relieve oneself over the edge.
Adventure awaits the natural outdoorsman. Hiking and rock-climbing opportunities are endless, rare wildlife roams freely through the secluded household, and the feral dogs eking out a desperate existence on your alluringly stark, rocky, and popped-balloon-strewn front lawn will be happy to converse with you about their desperate struggle for survival after their former master abandoned them. But don't worry about troublesome neighbors -- the community's only remaining occupant departed suddenly after forming a lifetime of memories in Paradise Falls.
Property is partially furnished. Two chairs, ottoman, and gramophone, along with assorted dishes, picture frames, and other miscellany, with some storm damage but still suitable for use. No nursery. Purchase all required supplies before relocating, as the nearest Home Depot and Babies"R"Us are over 3,000 feet down and several hundred miles away.
Luxurious one bed/one bath/one intermittent interdimensional gateway apartment is available in the heart of Manhattan. Spectacular Central Park views abound from this gem's gaping yet structurally sound full-wall "bay windows," which were blown out by a paranormal phenomenon that briefly captivated the entire city earlier this year. Security deposit required.
Put aside any safety concerns and breathe easy. The charring on the walls lining this historic property was caused not by an electrical fire but rather an otherworldly terror who goes by many names and titles, the only one that need concern you being "The Recently Evicted." A neutral color will be applied over black stains prior to move-in date.
Now you've got no excuse to not try hang-gliding.
Admire the richly textured, classic Rococo-inspired interior architecture through the heaping chunks of burned sugar fluff that add a fun, post-modern twist. It's harmless, whimsical, and perfectly edible marshmallow that we are required to disclose was technically once the guts of a living, breathing, 100-foot-tall food mascot. This Guinness World Records-certified miracle of life exploded all over a building that's so sturdy it barely felt the fiery proton blast. That detail may turn away less adventurous renters, but we see a natural conversation piece and a chance to own a bit of history. Please note that rats and cockroaches are known to feast on exposed confectionaries and weekly pest control sprayings are included in your building maintenance fees.
Consider it living with a piece of history.
Finally, management would like to remind prospective renters that Unit #2206 has not experienced any supernatural occurrences since this year's earlier incident. However, the Shandor values your comfort and safety beyond all else and will be happy to cover any and all personal expenses incurred in the event of supernatural occurrences or the formation of troublesome cross-dimensional tunnels. Call 555-2368 and ask for Ray or Venkman for details.