Chapter 1
You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot.
You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot.
You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot.
You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot.
You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot.
For more information on idiots, stay tuned for Chapter 2.
Chapter 2
Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy.Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy.
Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy.
Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy.
Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy.
Read the first chapter again, dummy.
Read the first chapter again, dummy. Read the first chapter again, dummy.
Chapter 3
Guhhhh… bweee? Uh huh huh huh huh… Heh heh. Guh. Guhhhhhh. Bweeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Heheheheh.
Bweeeeeeuuuuhhhhhhhh.
Gribb ib ib ib doooooooooo. Doooooooooo?
Bweeeeee. Heheheh.
Guh.
Chapter 4
You’re clearly not a humongous idiot, because you didn’t believe that last chapter was the end, but you continue to read this book you bought, which makes you a humongous idiot, ya dummy! It’s you the book is talking about! Idiots are dummies and dummies are idiots! The book is for you! You’re a dummy! Which makes you an idiot! Stop reading! There is no way you will understand this if you haven’t already! Put the book down! There are no more pages!
Joke over.
The end.
Chapter 5
Man, you really are persistent, and we all know persistence is the mark of intelligence, so you are definitely not an idiot, or a dummy, which are practically the same thing but you know that, because you’re not one of them! Congratulations.
If you have kept reading, it is likely that you are not an idiot or a dummy and the reason you bought this book is because you felt as though you had to buy the book, like it was a part of you. That, one reader, is because you are the Chosen One, reader. It is you that is fated to train with the long dead whatever-his-name-is and defeat the long-reigning Stuff-Doin’ Guy in order to save Who Gives A Fuck. Look, just put the book down. You’re a dummy looking for information on idiots and I’m here to tell you that an idiot is a dummy, which is you. You are an idiot.
The end.
Chapter 6
Good call sticking around That was a close one. I thought those idiots would never leave. You, YOU’RE the one I need to speak to. YOU are the Chosen of the Ones. You must please contact the proper authorities and let them know that I’m stuck in this book.
The end?
Chapter 7
There is no Chapter 7.
The end.
Chapter 8
There is no Chapter 8.
The End
Chapter 9
There is no Chapter 9.
The End
Chapter 10
There is no Chapter 10.
The End
Chapter 11
There is no Chapter 11.
The End
Chapter 14
There was no Chapter 12 or Chapter 13 and there is no Chapter 14.
The End
Chapter 17
There was no Chapter 15. There was a Chapter 16, but you probably missed it because you’re an idiot, you stupid moron. You’re also an idiot moron, stupid. Turn back a page and you can read Chapter 16; It’s really good. It’s about dummies and idiots and how they’re the same thing and you’ll never understand that, because you’re both.
There is no Chapter 17 and there will be no Chapter 18.
The End
Chapter 19
THIS IS NOT A PICTURE BOOK! STOP LOOKING FOR PICTURES BECAUSE THERE ARE NONE!
Chapter 20
Well, you’ve made it this far, which should be impressive because you’re so goddamned stupid, but I honestly don’t even think you’ve been reading the words on the pages. More than anything I’m just disappointed in you.
Maybe you’ll be smarter by the next chapter, but I fucking doubt it. Will there even be a next chapter? Will the next chapter claim to not exist? Will you keep reading? Of course you will, because you don’t get it and you probably just think it’s funny that the weird symbol thingies look different every time you turn the thin edge cutty thingies. For your information, they’re called letters and pages, and they happen to be trying to tell you that you’re a dim-wit. You’re a dullard. You’re a Grade A Mor- You know what? I don’t even know why I’m trying, because you’re probably just flipping through the previous pages trying to find Chapters 16 and 18.
THEY DON’T EXIST SO STOP LOOKING FOR THEM.
the end
Chapter 16
This is Chapter 21.
Chapter 22
You know what? It’s probably been a while since you’ve gone to the bathroom and you probably should do that. You’ve been so immersed in this unfortunately pictureless picture book, you probably didn’t even notice that intense pressure on your bladder. “What do those words mean?” you ask? Try these words instead…
“BUH BUH BUBB BEE BOO! Muh tummy is pain!”
Did THAT make sense? If it did, it means you have to pee. Go pee. Don’t worry, the next five chapters don’t exist.
The End
Chapter 28
Have a good pee? Cool. While we’re at it, it’s been a bit since last we tried to accomplish anything. Maybe I shouldn’t have given up on you so easily. Let’s give this another try…
dummy = idiot = you = idiot = dummy
That might look like a lot of hard math to you. It might look like something else to one of your moron friends. Sorry, but you’re both wrong.
Stay tuned, because Chapter 29 has dragons in it!
Chapter 30
I wish I could have been surprised you thought there was a Chapter 29, let alone that it had dragons in it. There isn’t and it wouldn’t have.
Chapter 31
There is no Chapter 34, but that doesn’t matter right now because you’re not there yet. What chapter are you on? What chapter is it, buddy? Just look at the number next to “chapter.” To help you along, “numbers” are things that don’t look like A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, W, Z, a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, or z. “Numbers” also don’t look like punctuation. “Punctuation” is… okay, look: Numbers are any combination of 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, or 0. Does that help?
Didn’t think so.
This is Chapter 31.
The End
Chapter 32
I am Chapter 18, Chapters 23 through 27, Chapter 29, Chapter 34, and I am also the last chapter.
Turn the page.
Chapter 33
All good things must come to an end, just like when you die in the future and, upon reaching Heaven, God grants you the ability to think like a normal human being and you’re all “Oh, wow, there’s so much I didn’t understand when I was alive. If only I were smarter during that time of living, maybe I’d have learned something from that Idiots For Dummies book. To take this thought even further, if I were smarter during that time of living, maybe I wouldn’t have even bought that Idiots For Dummies book, because I would have gotten the joke upon reading the title. Unfortunately, I instead read the whole damned thing and just went ‘DER DER DUMMY DUM DOO!’ because I was the stupidest moron that ever dumbed.”
And so this experiment comes to an end. Yes, I have regrets. My greatest regret? Writing this book. My second greatest regret? Getting this book published. I do, however, have at least one triumph, which is that I spent an entire book talking about idiot dummies like you and I managed to refrain from using the word “imbecile” until the last chapter, because I assume you have no idea what that word means. Upon reading that word, you’ve just done one of two things: 1) You looked at the word imbecile and went “DUHHHHH, WHATEVER” and kept reading, or you 2) looked at the word imbecile and went “DUHHHHH WHAT” and stopped reading. Then you asked all the kids in your preschool class for dumb fucking adults how one might find out what a strange word means. They couldn’t help because they’re dumb fucking adults in preschool, but your slightly smarter teacher handed you a dictionary, and you spent 3 years figuring out how to use it. Six years later, you found the word “imbecile” and found out that an imbecile is essentially an “idiot” or “dummy.” Then you were all like “DUHHHHH WHAT” because you don’t know what idiots are. Luckily there’s a book out there called “Idiots For Dummies,” so you bought a second copy of it and began reading. You got to the last chapter, stumbled upon the word “imbecile” and you are now either stuck in an eternal loop and you will never read the next paragraph, or you did Option #1 and we can finally put this whole mess to rest with the following paragraph.
I think we’ve learned a lot about each other. I’ve learned that you can’t teach dummies a damn thing, nor can you teach idiots a damned thing, nor can you teach morons that the first item in this list is the same thing as the second item in this list and the third item in this list is awfully similar to the first two items in this list. That’s what I’ve learned. What have you learned? You’ve learned that-
To Be Continued…
That was the last remaining page of the only remaining partially damaged copy of “Idiots For Dummies.” There are many mint condition copies, or so it says in the Table of Contents, which is fabled. Also it’s right here:
Idiots For Dummies: Table Of Contents
Foreward by author Dempsey Mudlock
Chapter 1: The Basics Of Idiots
Chapter 2: Those Same Basics Of Idiots
Chapter 3: Developing A Relationship With Idiots
Chapter 4: Understanding The Idiot Language
Chapter 5: Confusing The Idiot Language
Chapter 6: The Basics Of Idiots
Chapter 7: Proper Arrangement Of Your Collection Of Idiots
Chapter 8: Keeping Idiots At Bay
Chapter 9: What Idiots Eat And How They Can’t Eat It
Chapter 10: Idiot Knock-Offs And How They’re Basically Just Idiots
Chapter 11: How To Read
Chapter 12: Alarming Statistics About Idiots You Are
Chapter 13: Using Political Humor To Confound Idiots
Chapter 14: Acting Like An Idiot And How It’s Not Really Acting For You
Chapter 15: The Basics Of Idiots
Chapter 16: The Basics Of Idiots
Chapter 17: The Sunday Comics And How You’ll Probably Like Them
Chapter 18: These Dick Pills Make You Smarter!!! Click here!!!
Chapter 19: Advanced Idiots
Chapter 20: Suicide (or How To Get Rid Of Idiots)
Chapter 21: An Idiotic Take On Idiots
Chapter 22: Geography, Idiots, and Some Third Thing
Chapter 23: Four Famous Idiots And How They Were Smart
Chapter 24: The Opposite Of Idiot Is Not “Idiot”
Chapter 25: The Basics Of Idiots
Chapter 26: An Idiot Speaks Out
Chapter 27: What Did You Do Today? (A Glimpse Into The Life Of An Idiot)
Chapter 28: TV Break
Chapter 29: Tolerating Idiots (How Do You Live With Yourself?)
Chapter 30: The Basics Of Idiots
Chapter 31: Chapter Zero
Chapter 32: Explaining Why The Previous Chapter Was Called “Chapter Zero”
Chapter 33: You Still Don’t Get It (or It’s About Time To Give Up)
Chapter 34: There Will Be Pictures Soon
Chapter 35: PICTURES!!!
Chapter 36: PICTURES!!!
Chapter 37: PICTURES!!!
Chapter 38: PICTURES!!!
Chapter 39: PICTURES!!!
Chapter 40: PICTURES!!!
Chapter 41: PICTURES!!!
Chapter 42: PICTURES!!!
Chapter 43: PICTURES!!!
Chapter 44: PICTURES!!!
Chapter 45: PICTURES!!!
Chapter 46: PICTURES!!!
Chapter 47: PICTURES!!!
Chapter 48: PICTURES!!!
Chapter 49: PICTURES!!!
Chapter 50: PICTURES!!!
Chapter 51: PICTURES!!!
Chapter 52: PICTURES!!!
Chapter 53: The Basics Of Idiots
Epilogue: Rereading This Book Vs. Rereading This Book
Note: if you seem to only have a partial copy of Idiots For Dummies, you can find many mint condition, fully intact ones.
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November 21st, 2009 at 4:13 am
This was terrible, simply terrible. I have no advice for you, Cody, beyond “be funny.”
November 20th, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Just about every time I read a Cody article my mind starts to twist in on itself. It’s a work of genius, and yet I can’t reconcile that with the fact that there’s no content to speak of. Perhaps that’s intentional.
NICKSON!:
Did you find the pictures? Huh? Huh? Hurr de durr dawwww?
November 10th, 2009 at 12:01 am
Here lies empirical evidence that people are naturally stupid.
Thank god for evolution. Darwin’s discovery has saved us all.
And at Hannah,
I hate Cody because he won’t stop writing bad articles. Although I do enjoy his Tales series, this is just… weak writing.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:32 am
Written in a moment of madness, the best illiterate but fun to read still needs a bit of figuring out though and also it has a shallow deeper meaning hidden underneath the jargon that is this article. Yes.
Well done Cody.
October 27th, 2009 at 10:20 am
y does everyone h8 cody??? he’s not as bad as everyone thinks! (he’s not the best, but not the worst either)
October 22nd, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Approve.
October 21st, 2009 at 7:05 pm
” Will the next chapter claim to not exist? Will you keep reading? Of course you will, because you don’t get it… ”
Pretty much figured it out right there. Genius.
/applause
Cody is awesome.
October 19th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Does it seem to anyone else that this is something akin to stoned stream of conciousness writing???? Loves it.
October 19th, 2009 at 5:28 am
Cody’s Cock Fucks Cody’s
October 17th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
i’m gonna not read anything that has your name on it because t makes my eyes bleed urine. Its possible.
October 16th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Worst cracked writer or greatest troll?
October 15th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Burn the retarded not-funny new guy!
October 14th, 2009 at 10:37 am
Yes, I really do have to admit, I scare even the Elder Gods to the point where they feel it is necessary to commit acts of violence against me.
Cthulhu has nightmares about me as he sleeps in his house at R’lyeh.
October 14th, 2009 at 10:12 am
Given the evidence stated from past (future?) posts, I cannot refute your claim of constantly standing on the edge of madness, hoping over it to and fro like some sort of crazed Homer Simpson impersonator.
Cohiba: Madness! sanity! : Madness! sanity! : Madness! sanity!
(Elder God punches Cohiba in the face.)
Elder God: Here in R’lyeh, we dont’ tolerate that kind of crap, SIR.
October 14th, 2009 at 8:12 am
Again, that’s easy.
I didn’t say I left that line far behind. I’m standing right on it. So I’ve crossed it once but I’m also crossing it continually. It’s become a part of the essence of my existence to be one that “crosses that line.”
Case in point - my frequent ability to respond to your posts before you even make the post in the first place.
We’ll open your space inventory soon enough.
October 14th, 2009 at 7:29 am
Um. I hate to nitpick, but how do you know you can cross the line whenever you wish? If you crossed it a long time ago, and you’ve never looked back…then you’ve only crossed it once. How many roads must a man walk down?
Regards,
Agent 52
October 14th, 2009 at 7:22 am
Agent 23,
That’s easy. I look at it much the same way I view my drinking. I can stop whenever I damn well want. Life will go back to exactly the way it was before I began. Boring and shitty.
Or something like that.
October 13th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
I can cross that line whenever I wish, as I first crossed that line long ago and have never looked back…
On a happier note, I’m officially excommunicated by the Pope! How many people here can claim that? Eh? Eeeh?
October 13th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Dude, that’s just not cool. You’ve crossed a line.
An Eldritch green line, oozing with madness.
October 13th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Ngathf lgan’hagw heyl’r uhluhtc hfan’wlgm iulgn’hp.
October 13th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
.emit desrever uoy erofeb latsyrc emit a pord ot togrof ylbaborp uoY
October 13th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Yes. Actually, the secret to beating the final boss of Bionic Commando is very similar to the strategy I personally use when I play Dwarf Fortress, despite the fact that two less similar games could never exist.
Normally I’d try to say something funny here but I think I’ve somehow managed to open my Space fnord Inventory (?).
October 13th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
WAIT. Ok, I still feel sick, but I managed to make it through.
1.) Get Bazooka.
2.) ?
3.) Profit.
I feel like I’m missing something here…I just can’t…put…my finger on it. This is like the time I grew up in an orphanage.
October 13th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Cohiba:
I’m not sure why, but I couldn’t make it past the first sentence of your reply. I feel sick now, proper ftaghned. Looked to be a splendiforous post, though.
October 13th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
@32
Admittedly, that was a damn tough boss. Get bazooka from Super Joe. fnord Fall off the cliff. Shoot the cockpit of the helicopter and kill Hitl- *cough cough* I mean Master-D. fnord A very difficult closing scenario to what was otherwise a pretty damn easy game.
Lucky for you, I *AM* Don King.
Cohiba, H.M., S.H.
October 13th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Cohiba:
What part of “empty box” did you fail to grasp? My soul was rendered worthless years ago, when I sold it to Don King for the secret to beating the last boss in Bionic Commando.
Also, Primus Sucks.
Your Comrade In Arms,
32
October 13th, 2009 at 1:14 am
Loved the pictures
October 12th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
@32_20Blues
Au contraire. While you were scrawling all over that box I just went ahead and immanentized the eschaton. That’s right - I was really the fifth Illuminatus Primus all along.
Your soul is worthless now. Sucker.
Wait.
CohibaMan H.M.,S.H.
October 12th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
I’m always glad to see fresh meat show up in the columnist section. This was the first column article of Cody’s that I’ve clicked on.
I have to admit I opted to skim over this for 10 seconds instead of actually reading it, so I guess the book “Idiots For Dummies” isn’t for me. Did I think it was funny?
Truthfully, after seeing Zombieland last weekend nothing else has quite measured up. Funniest God damn movie I’ve seen in a long time.
October 12th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Wait wait. Maybe we’re all IDIOTS for reading Eris’ blank post? HA. HA. HA. The joke is on us!
Cohiba, I already have an explosive rear end. Why would I need a second? Keep the Pinto. I expect your retarded, hyphenated-american midget cadre will be shipped shortly. You’re now the proud owner of an empty box with “My Soul” scrawled across it’s exterior, and a propensity to use a LOT of punctuation.
Sucker! Who is laughing last now?
Much Platonic Love
32
October 12th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
Seriously, Eris. You can’t just post blank comments like that.
Although, now that I think about it, I DO get a vague sense of uneasiness that I can’t quite put my finger on…
32_20Blues -
Ah, a hardball negotiator, eh? Okay, I’ll bite.
Act now and I’ll throw in a Ford Pinto.
October 12th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
@Eris
Think something’s wrong with your browser settings, man. Blank post.
October 12th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
fnord
October 12th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
CohibaMan:
I received your letter. I appreciate the offer, but I can’t in good faith accept your offer to give me your entire collection of vertically and mentally deficient persons in exchange for my soul.
While the overall value of a baker’s dozen short, badly proportioned mongoloids (that’s what we’re calling them today, right?) is subject to frenzied debate in the scientific and economic community, I fear that my soul simply isn’t worth enough to fairly compensate for your stash of minority mouth-breathers, and wonder if you would be willing to also accept a direct transfer of my ability to craft run-on sentences, in addition to complete control of the ties that bind my withered husk to this mortal coil?
I await your response with baited breath.I’ve also sent you a box of rabid fire ants via carrier pigeon.
BFF
32_20
October 12th, 2009 at 7:43 am
Wow, look at how many people are bashing on you for this article. I was thinking about doing the same, but you see…I need to be different, so, this article was amazing, I loved it ever so much, it was indeed “Fresh….” Indeed it was, I love fresh new things, I even love the Healthy Choice Fresh Mixers, and even the horrible actress who promotes them. Indeed. INDEED. Indeedy. Fresh.
October 11th, 2009 at 11:42 pm
And I thought Seanbaby was bad …
October 11th, 2009 at 10:48 pm
Great.
October 11th, 2009 at 10:11 pm
Okay… so was this written at four in the morning, or something? Cody’s usually pretty funny, but this was most definitely not.
October 11th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
I uh.
I had no idea reading cracked.com was so goddamn serious. Or really, that people laugh regularly enough at cracked articles to merit this much vitriol over an article being ’self-indulgent’ or ‘unfunny’. Am I the only one who doesn’t laugh at cracked features? They’ve never been *that* kind of funny. It’s just run-of-the-mill, mostly list-based humor, peppered generously with expected toilet humor. This article isn’t anything to get that worked up over, unless you really think a Mad Libs sheet filled with rotating factoids and dick jokes is the apex of comedic achievement.
Hint: I don’t.
October 11th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
Where can I get a mint condition one?
October 11th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
Read this book, though wasn’t impressed. I’ll hold out hope for the second edition.
1 star.
October 11th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
I love “There isn’t, and it wouldn’t have.”
You’re my new favorite!
October 11th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
That was dumb.
October 11th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
lmao, jokes on the tards who actually read this. Get it? FUNNY!
October 11th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
This is an abortion of diarrhea and you should feel ashamed for showing it to people.
October 11th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
This is what happens when you try to be funny after reading House of Leaves
October 11th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Lamest article ever
You Cody are an epic fail.
October 11th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
tl;dr
October 11th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Yeah, Cody’s apparently in that “post-humor” stage where he’s taken enough college courses by self-indulgent, bearded professors that he thinks yawn-inducing, weird shit is beyond hilarious. Maybe in a technical sense, it IS beyond it, but only so far as saying that it’s nowhere near hilarious.
Cody, get punched in the dick. Don’t forget to grow one.
October 11th, 2009 at 10:09 am
Cody’s other stuff is fairly funny, this, however, really isn’t.
October 11th, 2009 at 8:38 am
This is painful to read, it’s so repetitive, makes virtually no jokes, and it is actually one of the longer articles on here. there is literally almost no satire, which is typically what makes things funny, cody. You have to post some better stuff, because these people are all getting pretty angry, and they will eat you alive.
October 11th, 2009 at 7:49 am
Ok. Well. That was rubbish…
October 11th, 2009 at 6:57 am
weird
October 11th, 2009 at 6:12 am
Wow. This may be the most self-indulgent thing I’ve ever seen.
October 11th, 2009 at 5:44 am
Nothing says how cool you guys are quite like saying how bad cody is. Way to go, badass cracked critics
October 11th, 2009 at 3:46 am
That wasn’t very good.
October 11th, 2009 at 12:49 am
TL;DR
Well actually I did.
But that was more like a time waster. Couldn’t crack me up.
October 11th, 2009 at 12:10 am
wow, cody is crap. next………….
October 10th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
I tried really hard to read every bit
Made it to chapter 4
October 10th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
The point was not to read it.
October 10th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Koctagon-
Last I checked, I haven’t been speaking at all and nothing’s been coming out of my mouth.
Those voices you hear are coming from inside your head, not from me. You might want to go check your meds.
Or, even better, you could go do everyone a favor and just shoot yourself and die.
October 10th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
CohibaMan just keeps speaking, yet nothing relevant is coming out of his mouth.
October 10th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
meh.
October 10th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
But where are the pictures??
October 10th, 2009 at 11:53 am
This in conceptual.
Its fresh.
Its funny?
I dont know. I dont care actually.
I prefer seeing something new.
October 10th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Idiot
October 10th, 2009 at 10:02 am
BWAA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
October 10th, 2009 at 9:13 am
@Ask_A_Black_Guy-
Tough call. Most Wal-Marts I know are white trash markets, really. I’m not sure what this place was. Admittedly, most of the people in this store were white too. I don’t think it was Wal-Mart though because they weren’t selling any walls from what I could see.
Wait. Now I remember. The store didn’t actually have anything to do with Black people at all… it turns out that the store’s SIGN had black letters!
How is it that I always screw up important details like that?!
October 10th, 2009 at 8:03 am
Needs more pictures.
October 10th, 2009 at 7:36 am
Loved it, that was funny, I don’t care what anyone else says.
October 10th, 2009 at 6:57 am
Ok cody you had me for a little bit but it went on for a little too long…
@ Cohiba, I’m black and I don’t even know where or what a “Black” super market is..unless your referring to the Wal-Mart?
October 10th, 2009 at 6:11 am
Oops, “females”… I can’t believe I slipped an apostrophe in there. Duh.
October 10th, 2009 at 5:49 am
Well, I have to say this, I didn’t bother reading the entire thing because it gets awfully bizarre.
Bottom line, I am not sure I would even be amused by this in an actual, published book form. The “Idiots for Dummies” title was amusing and piqued my interest but reading it… did not.
The article was more like something a bully on the playground would be saying to someone he deemed inferior to himself.
The table of contents was also amusing but each “chapter” was not so much. Oh well. Hopefully I’ll be able to appreciate his brand of humor soon, but there is another new writer on Cracked that I liked even less. A female. And female’s usually just are not that funny.
But even she got pretty good reviews in the comments, so perhaps it’s just me.
October 10th, 2009 at 2:49 am
I cried a little. Very good.
October 9th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
All I’m saying is I’ve been defending Cody since his stuff went up a few days ago. I think his blog is quite funny.
That said, he owes me and he’d better fucking deliver. Not to put any pressure on him or anything.
It’s just that I haven’t fed my little mutant mental rejects for a while now. I’ve even been keeping them in cages just so they won’t eat each other (they do that, right?). They’ve gotta be starving at this point.
It’d be a pity if one of them turned up in Cody’s shower or something when he wasn’t looking.
October 9th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Clearly, you’ve watched Cody’s video how-to for “Time Travel Understander”. You used one of your time crystals to reverse time after reading MY post, posted your response, then went back to the current time line after rescuing the princess.
http://www.cracked.com/video_17823_helpful-tutorial-game-that-would-confuse-einstein.html
I totally see what you did thar.
October 9th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
32 - anytime.
October 9th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Huh. Somehow I responded to that last post before it was even posted.
This Vicodin’s making my psychic.
October 9th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Cheers, Cohiba. I’ve run out of energy to throw at faking my own funny. I’ll have a drink with you in spirit on the drive home.
October 9th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Cohiba,
I keep an extra stash of Vicodin in my left sock. No worries, I TOTALLY GOT THIS.
Wash it down with this premium blended Irish whiskey, that will help.
*hours later*
You knowha we shuold doo// les go over to this codys weblog thingy and post some stuff. we gone show him what funny is!!
*falls over*
*stumbles off in the direction of http://radiopantsdance.tumblr.com*
October 9th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
32_20Blues
I’ve got the Irish whiskey covered. Let’s just say that I don’t believe in water (or, as I call it, “The Devil’s Drink”). You know who else drank water? Adolf Fucking Hitler, that’s who.
At any rate, it’s been fun!
October 9th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
32_20Blues,
Now that really pisses me off.
I obviously need more Vicodin.
Thank you Cody. Thank you for posting an article whose comment thread was inevitably going to bring up and remind me of these facts.
Thank you to hell.
October 9th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
Cohiba:
How quickly you forget the pitfall our President was tricked into with his Retard Faux Pass. Not only can we not refer to the vertically retarded as “midgets”, we can no longer use the word “retarded”. The correct term for them is now “Potential Local Politician”, or “PLP”.
October 9th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
@32_20Blues
Fine. I “acquired” them at the local “African-American” “market”.
That better?
I swear, you liberals are going to be the death of this country. The next thing you’ll be telling us is that we can’t refer to the vertically retarded as “midgets.”
Then we’ll really be fucked.
October 9th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
@CohibaMan: “special needs folks with Down Syndrome that I bought on discount from the local BLACK market.”
That is completely uncalled for. Here we are, amusing ourselves by flaming someone who was clearly hired not for his skills with the pen, but to satisfy the demands of the Americans with Disabilities Act, and you have to go and bring RACE into it?
We’ve had 2 black presidents. TWO. You and all of your racist, nazi, gay-bashing faggots need to step in line.
What, you don’t think we’ve had two black presidents? Go ask a black dude who the first black president was, he’ll tell you it was Bill Clinton.
October 9th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
@32_20Blues
Not all the flame posts were with tongue planted in cheek. My initial comment here was dead serious.
I really do have an entire horde of special needs folks with Down Syndrome that I bought on discount from the local black market. I make them sleep in these short buses I bought off of eBay. I sometimes let them off their leashes so they can commit acts of murder on command. They kill because I tell them that Jesus wants them to and I have them convinced that Jesus is the only one who will ever love them. When they fail me I take them out back, tell them that there is no Jesus, let them cry a bit so that the others can hear, and then I shoot them.
It’s a strangely satisfying way to deal with what would otherwise be a major problem.
October 9th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Although this post is a bit crap. For cracked, anyway… its too… shallow.
October 9th, 2009 at 10:26 am
It’s ironic.
October 9th, 2009 at 10:07 am
@PandaBearFan89:
It’s not ironic, it’s contradictory.
I’m just sayin’.
Also, what a lot of people fail to grasp is the humor in the flame posts themselves. Many of them, including my own, are written with tongue firmly planted in cheek.
October 9th, 2009 at 9:27 am
Here’s the deal: Some people like it, some don’t. This is a matter of opinion. So on one side we have people saying, “you just don’t get it.” To this, Cody’s detractors respond, “Yes we did, it just wasn’t funny. Furthermore, anyone who finds it funny, including the author himself, must be an idiot.” THIS IS POINTLESS. On the other side we have people saying, “I found it funny, and anyone who didn’t must be an idiot.” THIS IS ALSO POINTLESS.
The thing about comedy is that it’s not for everyone. If it were, we’d all be pulling props out of a briefcase. People have had opinions since they were sentient enough to develop an idea of “self,” and convincing someone to share your opinion through logic is impossible.
My problem is with the amount of virulent hate on these message boards.
I don’t find Dane Cook especially funny, but I am not going to attack his website, and/or the people who actually find him funny. That is their opinion, and I can’t change someone’s opinion, no matter how many times I call them a “faggot.”
So if you like Cody, give him some encouragement. If you don’t, then find someone you do like and give them encouragement. Life is too short to spend bitching on the internet.
Yes, I realize the irony of that previous sentence.
October 9th, 2009 at 8:14 am
@-\_(o_O)_/
It’s not one of those “Haha, only smart people who ‘get’ it will see the humor” type columns. Hell, it’s not even a column, it’s a random blog post that got transplanted over here.
Don’t attempt to set yourself up on the comedic highbrow high ground by claiming others are just not bright enough to “get” it. The fact is, it’s not a funny post. It’s not a bad attempt, you can see where he’s going, but at no point does it make one even feel obligate to chortle. It’s the same joke, repeated ad nauseum, for 2400 words.
No one is denying the author himself can be funny. The mere act of insinuating this will just open your Space Inventory. These migrated blogposts, however, are not his best work.
October 9th, 2009 at 7:39 am
@CohibaMan
That usually works. Now I’m going to have to use the Chewbacca defense.
@russell curk
This piece is to satire what a Crowbar is to a scalpel. Sure, you can dissect someone with a crowbar, however, in the end it will end with a lot of nauseated observers and a lot ’splainin’ to do.
MUCH LIKE THE PIECE ITSELF.
October 9th, 2009 at 7:11 am
stop arguing dillweeds, hes not funny
October 9th, 2009 at 3:48 am
@-\_(o_O)_/-
For the love of almighty Thor, go and FUCK yourself. Who the hell are you piss on someone else’s opinion? If someone doesn’t find something to they’re liking, big fucking deal. Why would you want to tear them up? Becuase you mother routinley fellated wild dogs as a method of dealing with the untold horror of having to fire your sorry, mange-ridden self out of her snatch at birth? Do the gene pool a favour, wear a tinfoil suit and go tree climbing in an electrical storm.
October 8th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
@PandaBearFan899, Johnny and Cody’s attackers’ attackers:
Cracked Standard exists? Yes. Is it determined by a bunch of lifeless nerds? No(t necessarily) What is it about, then? People come here expecting to read an article and find it funny6. Why it is not, matters little. This one in particular is too long to be a joke, lacks plot to be situation comedy, it’s too inconsistent to be a satire, and as a parody (it’s my guess on what this is) it looses the momentum because of the excessive length. If you need to rationalize a piece of comedy this much to explain it to the biggest part of the audience (an audience USED in fact to comedy) it clearly has failed. Even if a hand full of people liked it. I wonder how many of them actually did like it and how many just said so to go against the flow.
October 8th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
what is this i don’t even
October 8th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, W, Z, a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, or z. lmao fail
there missing Y and they have W twice
October 8th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
came for the instantly gratifying humour.
stayed for the satire. thanks cody.
curk out.
October 8th, 2009 at 6:22 pm
@Lauren Medina
I guess you’re right… Cody and the Cracked staff should apologize for disappointing you, THE QUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEN OF COMEDY!!! If you really know funny, then you’d know that the humor of this article lies in the fact that there will be stupid people who don’t find it funny, because they don’t understand the silly and nonsensical and facetious nature of the article.
I’d believe you were a girl… IF NOT FOR YOUR COCK!!1!one
October 8th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
@PandaFan and Cohiba: Hear hear! I was pleasantly surprised when I read this. I hadn’t been on Cracked in awhile (considering that I was flying kites, wrestlin’ bears and talking to girls), so a new columnist was a bit of a surprise for me.
I really do agree with Cohiba, it really is a matter of context. Personally, I found it hilarious without the original textual environ, but considering that blog posts tend to be rather short, punchy and with no build up, I guess it can be a real shock for people to not see a list or a twistedly delightful novella of dick jokes, alcohol, punching shit, and run-ins with the law. It’s like trying to do a joke that requires to be seen on the radio (ie Monty Python’s Now For Something Completely Different).
As PandaBearFan put it, just because he doesn’t make mention of DoB’s sexual deviance, Bulchoz’s being Canadian, Jack’s substance abuse/suicidal tendencies, etc, as part of his writing doesn’t make it devoid of humor. While I don’t know any of the cracked writers, NEWSFLASH: they aren’t REALLY like that in real-life.
I really enjoy Cody’s, as many people have put it, innocent and naive and pure presence, in comparison to the rest of the contributors and it does offer a refreshing change of pace.
Keep up the good work, Cody and good luck with your further cracked endeavours!
P.S. If you’re so hung up on the fact that the article says “You’re an idiot” several times, then you probably just don’t get it and if that book was real, then it’s perfect for you. What I’m saying is this: you probably feel like you’re the subject matter of the book.
October 8th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
hmm….uhmm…alright, so, to clarify:
i am not a nerd, and i am a chick, one who knows funnywhen she fucking sees it. i saw this new columnist guy and was like, alright, let’s see what he’s got, he could be the next DOB. well, actualy no, he couldnt cus DOB kicks ass, but he could be the next bulchoz, you know? so i read all his articles, read most of the comments, just to see what other people thought, and to be honest? the closest i ever came to laughing was when i cracked a smile at the article that was making fun of coldplay. seriously, guy, i’m not trying to be a bitch, but you just…you suck. if they were going to put up a new columnist, they should’ve just brought back ross. seriously. ):
October 8th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
@32_20Blues
Well, I guess you make a good point. I mean, if what you’ve expressed is science and if science doesn’t lie, then…
Wait a minute. Nice try but fuck you! There’s no way I’m falling for THAT one again!
Shit, that was close.
October 8th, 2009 at 11:44 am
@CohibaMan -
Of what value is the source of the material? Whether he wrote it for Cracked or not, it’s still completely devoid of humor. That’s not a personal opinion, that’s science. SCIENCE DOESN’T LIE.
October 8th, 2009 at 11:31 am
I don’t understand. You people talk about the “Cracked Standard.” What fucking standard? This used to be a Mad Magazine rip-off (which is like ripping off Good n’ Plenty candy) until a deranged billionaire saved it. Do you people even exist at all in the real world, or do you exist primarily to deride things on the internet. Go outside and fly a fucking kite, you pathetic nerds. I don’t even know Cody personally, but at least he attempts develops a humorous persona that is not contingent on insulting other contributors.
Seriously. If you don’t like the way Cracked is going, then read a fucking newspaper. Or go talk to a girl. At least wash your piss-stained Star Wars sheets. You people make me sick to my stomach.
YOU ARE THE REASON PEOPLE HATE NERDS!
October 8th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Buy a clue, people.
This “article” wasn’t written as an article at all.
It came from a series of blog postings that were made over a period of time and they simply did not translate well to the Cracked article format. All of this guy’s stuff that is up right now was taken from his blog… they were written as spur-of-the-moment blog postings, not long thought out articles.
Cracked kind of screwed him over pulling his stuff out of its contextual format and the result is that it just comes off wrong.
October 8th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Seriously, what the fuck?
October 8th, 2009 at 11:11 am
OH GOD. KILL IT WITH FIRE.
No, really. Take whatever bar napkin you crayola’d the proof of concept for this article on and light it on fucking fire. Then, shove it down your pants. Do this while being videotaped, post it here, and ONLY THEN will I forgive you for the 3.5 minutes I had to spend reading this to it’s conclusion, hoping against hope that you would have some sort of marginally witty end-game punchline at the end.
Look, I see what you were trying to do with this piece, but it failed. Go for another style, spend a week thinking about it, and come back to us when you’ve got something at least marginally funny.
If that’s not going to work for you, I would respectfully request that you light your own dick on fire, while simultaneously punching yourself in the face until candy falls out.
October 8th, 2009 at 6:11 am
i know it’s been said at least 65 times, but dude…not funny
sorry mate
October 8th, 2009 at 6:03 am
Strike one.
October 8th, 2009 at 5:37 am
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October 8th, 2009 at 5:20 am
Cody? I bareley know her! Or whatever this dude is a fuck-munch.
October 8th, 2009 at 5:17 am
I am funnier than this Cody.
October 8th, 2009 at 5:02 am
I knew a guy at boarding school. He wrote his name on the boys dorm hallway on the first open day of senior year, entirley in his own shit. Then he hit a supervisor with a chopping board. He wound up in prison years later, but the moral of the story is watching actual shit dry on a wall, is not only infinitley funnier than this God-Awful literary abortion, it’s preferable over reading it. So kudos and congratulations. You are less funny than shit.
October 8th, 2009 at 4:26 am
I declare this to be NOT FUNNY!!
October 8th, 2009 at 2:32 am
this is no article, its spam.
stupid infuriating unfunny spam.
the only idiot around is the dummy who wrote it,
believing that anyone would find it funny.
October 8th, 2009 at 1:45 am
You are a dumbass. You are a dumbass. You are a dumbass. You are a dumbass. You are a dumbass. You are a dumbass. You are a dumbass. You are a dumbass. You are a dumbass. You are a dumbass. You are a dumbass. You are a dumbass. You are a dumbass. You are a dumbass.
See! I can be a cracked writer too! I had no idea it was that easy!
Seriously Cracked…tell me you are playing some sick, cruel, tasteless joke on us cracked readers. This can’t be real.
October 8th, 2009 at 1:08 am
You assholes leave Cody the fuck alone, goddammit.
Whenever someone comes here all brand new, innocent, naive… pure… you little shitstains decide you have to choke it all the fuck out of them and crush any and all the humanity out of them until they wind up like poor Brockway.
Not this time. Fuck you guys. You leave little Cody the fuck alone or, so help me God, I will send an army of god damn mongloid retards driving fucking Winnebagos to murder each and every one of you fuckers along with your entire fucking families.
You assholes watch your backs.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
For all the mongoloids out there telling Cody to “get the fuck off Cracked A BLOO BLOO I’M AN INCLUSIVE STUPID FUCKER” please remember that as the new columnist, they’re just sticking up some old work of his that he’d already written, so obviously it’s not in the Cracked voice and laden with jokes about penises. Give the guy a chance, morons. He can obviously write very well in the Cracked style, as evidenced by that Epic Movie article. Putting these articles up that aren’t really fitting in style with the rest of the site is probably a bad decision, but only because of the fact that, despite this being a comedy website, you all appear to be humourless faggots.
October 7th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
He’ll knock it outta the park with his next one guys.
Give him a chance
October 7th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
This was just fucking stupid
October 7th, 2009 at 8:21 pm
I feel like an idiot for giving Cody the benefit of the doubt. Over five posts and I’ve barely had a chuckle.
October 7th, 2009 at 7:14 pm
Sir, your videos are sub-par at most. But they’re not horrible.
How you became a columnist however, I’m not sure. You REALLY shouldn’t be writing. None of your articles are even close to being funny.
I advise you to stick to 8th floor Improv or whatever you were doing before October 6th, because writing for Cracked is not working out for you. Not in the slightest.
October 7th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
This was bad… it was so bad it’s actually made me think “hey, you could write comedy articles too!”.
October 7th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
Keep trying, Cody. You’ve got some funny in there, I know it. Take a few weeks off and develop it. Write some more articles. Show them to discerning friends. Come back when you’re ready.
October 7th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
I imagine Cody is one of those guys who wears rectangular glasses and long-sleeve t-shirts, with a perpetually appalled expression on his face. He sits down to write comedy, but he’s so out of touch with the rest of the world that he just ends up writing dull, cliched garbage.
Naturally, any criticism of the article will be disregarded as irrelevant, and he’ll wave it aside and tell himself that we just don’t get it. That way, he can continue to deny his shortcomings, remain appalled at our refusal to praise him and write even more disconnected, tedious garbage.
But that’s just what I imagine. I might be way off, here.
October 7th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Your “Jokeless Comedy” article was actually pretty good, but this one is bullshit. I have high hopes for you, Cody, but you gotta get your act together.
October 7th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
STFU & GTFO!!!!!!
October 7th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
This is worse than White Ninja
October 7th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Really, get off my site and never darken my screen again.
Shame on you, cracked. Shame.
October 7th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
I’ve passed funnier kidney stones.
October 7th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
I mean… what? I’ve noticed some videos/articles by you recently and they just prompt me to ask ‘why’. Why is Cracked putting your stuff up? I mean…
Come on. You are seriously not funny.
October 7th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
What the fuck is this. That’s not a question because I don’t want to waste my time reading some shitty answer. Get the hell off Cracked.
October 7th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
holy mackinaw its a howitzer.
October 7th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Well, it seems as though all the negative posters actually read the whole article.A mirror to their souls maybe.
October 7th, 2009 at 11:55 am
gay=unfunny=you=unfunny=gay
October 7th, 2009 at 11:44 am
This is unoriginal, dull and utterly lacking in wit, cleverness or humor.
It’s amazingly long too. To spend so many words in service of such a bad idea for an article is really sad.
October 7th, 2009 at 11:44 am
I, erm ….. never mind.
I now appreciate Seanbaby and Gladstone, thanks for fucking nothing Cody.
October 7th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Wow… was this practice for typing class? This is the most unfunny thing I’ve read on cracked. Ever.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Damn i stopped reading at fuckin 17
Keep making stuff bro, all your shit… its semi-funny material
October 7th, 2009 at 10:43 am
Yeah Cody, not really funny
… and who uses the word “dummy” anymore. What are you six years old? Also, ” 1) You looked at the word imbecile and went “DUHHHHH, WHATEVER” and kept reading”. Nobody would say “DUHHHH WHATEVER” it would be “Pshh Whatever”
MeanWaffle is not impressed.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Felt like you tried too hard…
October 7th, 2009 at 10:16 am
Cody. Cody, Cody, Cody.
This… This is just horrible. I am sorry my friend but this article was nothing more than run-on drivel. It really felt like an idea a 10 year old had and quickly wrote down with a friend while chuckling to himself.
October 7th, 2009 at 8:21 am
Perhaps instead of writing ten shitty articles you could instead focus on writing one great one?
I mean, people aren’t bitching about your columns just to be assholes; it just honestly feels half-hearted and is clearly unfunny.
But I have hope. You obviously have a very creative element to your work and I think if you really focus on quality more than quantity, we all will be singing your praise as opposed to wishing for your early death.
October 7th, 2009 at 7:28 am
cody, did you forget to do your homework? this looks like you had to type something up in 30 minutes and this is what you came up with.
im extremely disappointed in cracked.com for allowing such crap to be read.
October 7th, 2009 at 6:47 am
This is a piece of shit article.
October 7th, 2009 at 6:38 am
what the hell dude? im not trying to tell you how to write or anything..
but this just takes the cake..
please write one vaguely coherent article instead of churning out this kind of crap…
sorry ’bout that…
October 7th, 2009 at 5:17 am
Let’s give him a break, he just started with Cracked. I remember everybody hating all over Brockaway when he started here, but now everybody wants to suck on the Word Puncher’s dick rocket. And, why? Because he had time to develop a following and work out the kinks. This isn’t the best, but he’ll get better.
October 7th, 2009 at 5:09 am
Couldn’t be bothered to read this. If you’re going to post something exorbitantly long then you have to really suck the reader in with the first couple of sentences (Bucholz is great at this, take a look at his stuff).
October 7th, 2009 at 4:18 am
hate to jump on the bandwagon but damn, that just wasn’t funny at all.
October 7th, 2009 at 3:55 am
This columnist’s not that bad. He’s just much, much worse than everyone else. On earth.
October 7th, 2009 at 3:36 am
quite possibly the worst article I’ve ever read on here. I want 3 minutes of my life back
October 7th, 2009 at 3:26 am
this was - no, it really was good. I liked it immensly. Nice. Has a kind of arty feel about it.
October 7th, 2009 at 3:00 am
I’m gay
October 7th, 2009 at 2:50 am
Oh no. Ohhh, no. Just…so much… no.
October 7th, 2009 at 2:37 am
I hate that my first post is going to be a negative critique of this columnist…So I’ll start off w/ something positive. He used proper punctuation. These are his first articles, so maybe he was just kinda nervous? I’m sure he’ll get better…Right? I read all of them and with exception to the Coldplay article (which seemed like it was better suited for the Onion) lacked humor. I’m willing to give him another chance, so I’ll be anxiously anticipating his next piece.
October 7th, 2009 at 2:09 am
tl;dr
just lame and boring. I’m sorry Cody.
FAIL.
October 7th, 2009 at 1:33 am
Guys, Gladstone’s cousin wanted to be a Cracked columnist for his tenth birthday. Give him some encouragement.
October 7th, 2009 at 1:16 am
weak.
useless.
October 7th, 2009 at 12:11 am
A rabbi, a priest, and a black pirate with a baseball glove walk into a bar. The bartender says “what is this, some kind of joke?”
October 6th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
waiting for humour
October 6th, 2009 at 10:41 pm
Emperor’s new clothes for dummies. Could have been something standable in three lines- this is just godmodding.
October 6th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
cody you fucking suck. i honestly hope you werent paid for this kind of work.
October 6th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Is this something you scribbled in your middle school notebook then pulled out ‘for just such an occasion’ when you needed a quick column? Honestly this thing when nowhere, even farce has a direction it’s going.
October 6th, 2009 at 7:33 pm
Dude, I spent sooo much time clicking on the title for chapter 18 in the table of contents. It didn’t work! I’m disappointed. Also, where are the pictures?
October 6th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
joke
n.
1. Something said or done to evoke laughter or amusement, especially an amusing story with a punch line.
2. A mischievous trick; a prank.
3. An amusing or ludicrous incident or situation.
October 6th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
I really hope that this isn’t the replacement for Ross. He was a lot funnier than this. Sorry, Cody it’s not a personal attack.
October 6th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
That sucked more dick than Elton John on crystal meth.
October 6th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
That was a long way to go for a recursive joke. Worth every word…
October 6th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
TLDR!!!
That and I don’t endorse a hacker. Especially an unfunny one, from what I’ve seen of his other “columns” that were posted…
October 6th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
This columnist is shit.
October 6th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
huh?
October 6th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
my god…that was just plain crap, not funny at all
October 6th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
uh…
lolwut?