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Ian’s Unnecessary News Roundup

  • By: Ian Cooper
  • December 20th, 2007
  • 1,259 views

It’s time once again to shed your worldly concerns about depressing issues like the global warming whatsit, the War on Whatever, the subprime mortgage doodad, and the fact that you had to scavenge your children’s Christmas presents out of dumpsters (after scavenging those dumpsters out of larger dumpsters)—and ease your furrowed brows with the soothing inanity of the Unnecessary News. It’s hypoallergenic, pre-digested, and guaranteed to work gently by morning. So let’s get crack(ed)in’:

un_huck1.gifSubliminal Huckbertising: Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has been accused of flaunting his religion in a campaign ad which featured Huckabee in front of what appeared to be a floating cross. However, a spokesman insisted the imagery was accidental, saying, “it was supposed to be a burning cross!”

un_spears1.jpgBe Niece, Until it Is Time to Not Be Niece: Although Jamie Lynn Spears has confirmed that she is indeed “with child,” older sis and parenting expert Britney is refusing to believe it:

… Hours after the news broke on Tuesday, the troubled pop star dismissed the reports. In video footage posted on TMZ.com, Spears is heard telling the paparazzi, “She’s not. My sister is not pregnant.”

However, Britney’s denial actually fits quite well with her preferred philosophy on children: “If you ignore them, they’ll go away.”

un_pete1.jpgDohertyshambles: The rock band Babyshambles, which is rumored to be among the front-runners for a 2008 Grammy in the category of “Outstanding Performance by a Group whose Lead Singer Has Banged Kate Moss,” was forced to scrap a recent show early after their beloved crooner Pete Doherty took ill:

Doherty… managed to perform eight tracks with his band before he was forced to leave the stage, insisting he was too sick to continue. The troubled star is alleged to be suffering from a bout of flu, which caused him to vomit and faint backstage.

… incidentally, “flu” is British for “drugs.”

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This entry was posted on Thursday, December 20th, 2007 at 8:00 am and is filed under Advertising, Britney Spears, Drugs, Music, Politics, Pregnancy, Unnecessary News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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16 Responses to “Ian’s Unnecessary News Roundup”

  1. NEW-Britney-Naked Says:

    It was interesting.

  2. sexyjulia08 Says:

    Though Briteny is fat ow, I still love her. She is a big woman with big boobs. Like many BBW=big beautiful women I met @ P l u s M e e t.c o m___, where many big boob women, big booty women and big manful guys meet and seek fun&love together.

  3. Ross Says:

    Pete Docherty’s brain is basically now reduced to a picture of his face, with hair plastered to the side of his head and permanently going ‘whhaaa!?’

  4. Adrian Strongarm Says:

    Apparently after taking ill Pete Doherty was heard saying, “hmmmmm brains.”

  5. glendoor42 Says:

    Huckabee’s funny ,charming and to ignorant to reconcile his faith and science ,hell yeah.
    But the devil? naw, particularly when you put him againist Dick Cheney or Karl Rove.

  6. Gladstone Says:

    Huckabee is funny. And really charming. Too bad he’s the devil.

  7. glendoor42 Says:

    Roadhouse- Be nice until it’s time not to be nice. Oh and I thought that Huckabee’s response to questions if there was a hidden cross in his commercial of “No but if you play it backward it say Paul is Dead ,Paul is Dead , Paul is Dead” was funny.

  8. Ian Cooper Says:

    No, that’s not it.

  9. The Great Cornholio Says:

    “No love for my obscure movie line reference?”

    “If you ignore them, they’ll go away.”

    If you build it, they will come.

  10. Ian Cooper Says:

    What are you talking about?

  11. The Great Cornholio Says:

    If you build it, they will come. come heh, heh. Heh.

  12. Ian Cooper Says:

    Then the gauntlet has been thrown down (yea verily).

  13. Gladstone Says:

    I missed it.

  14. Ian Cooper Says:

    No love for my obscure movie line reference?

  15. kingmonkey Says:

    LEAVE! BRITNEY! ALONE! (sob, wipe mascara, sob)
    Heh heh, that still hasn’t gotten old.

  16. Gladstone Says:

    Huckabee looks nothing like Harold Ford!

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