Cracked Columnists

Ian's Unnecessary Farewell Post Roundup

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solongcracked1.jpgWell, my Cracked'y friends, it seems our enchanting time together is at a close, as I will shortly be off to pursue other endeavors (or "endeavours," as our dainty readers from across Ye Olde Ponde would say). But before I go, I thought that rather than shoving out one more snarky post about celebrity proctological habits, it would be more fitting to turn the spotlight for once to you, the fabulous readers, whose ad-clicks have paid for my new kitchen.

So today I'd like to share some of my favorite reader comments from my stint here at the Cracked blog, separated into handy categories for your perusal. I believe they show that you are the true assholes here. I mean stars.

The Concerned Parents:

  • badhog: what if this was your child?would you post her on this site just for comedy?I find the line between comedy and bad taste very fine
  • jaek: Things of this nature only cease to be funny when something similar has happened to you or someone you care about. But that is typically what it takes for someone to gain prespective. A person who loves rape jokes would likely stop making them if they were subjected to that type of violence. Its quite easy to point and laugh at the misfortune of others until then.
The Smartypantses:
  • Ross: By the way, not to be a pedandic dick but Britain is four seperate countries with at least 10 or 20 counties each. Britain isnt just London. Sorry to be pedantic, you know i love you guys (in a totally rugged manly way).
  • Captain Ross: Technically to you British means English, therefore I escape on a geographical technicallity.
  • Gladstone: Wait. I just realized you used the Walrus for Paul. True, Lennon said the walrus was Paul in Glass Onion, but that was a lie. John Lennon was the walrus as in I am the walrus, coo, coo, ca-joob)
  • RDawkins: Id simply like to point out that Atheism is not a religion, rather, the absence of religion. I hope your consciousness has been raised.
  • Brentin: Um, Ian, in the picture of the trademark black cowboy hat, the hat hes wearing is white.
  • Daniel O'Brien: Hey, if someone wanted to write a post about how people always use irony incorrectly, would it be ironic if the author of the post used irony incorrectly all throughout the post? Would that irony be nullified if it was discovered that the author used it incorrectly intentionally? Would that mean it ISNT ironic anymore? Is it possible that there is NO SUCH THING as irony? I want you all to think about that while I finish up this heaping pile of cocaine.
The Sweethearts:
  • Fatty: some of the best comments of all time, although the post was GAY. i vote comments limited to smart people
  • Wallsy: Gladstone, Michael, your comments were funnier than the actual post. Kudos.
  • Ben-jo-man: Well at least it does get funnier, unlike a certain unnecessary unnecessary news round up (Ed. note: "benjo" is Japanese for 'vagina'.)
The LULZers:
  • Gibbo: Mesa yousa friendly naybahooda Spidey, okey-day?
  • Gladstone: Flies in your chardonnay when youre an alcoholic who has a weird body chemistry whereby flies nullify the effects of alcohol.
  • Andy Pants: Oh I get it, thanksgiving right? The American holiday that celebrates the genocide of the Native Americans or something?
  • Ross Wolinsky: And heres floatfishs comment translated from Chinese back into English, then from English to Dutch, then from Dutch to French, then from French to Greek, then from Greek back into English: "It is marvellous blog. I keep but this I have blog this remarkable sugarmommymeet.com with regard to exposed funy in in the platform it should I am called weet. She is the service it seeks the talantoyho outstandingly and in charmante person for the rich woman of already social determination of place. Likely you as the other worlds it shares your idea."
  • glendoor42: When asked about the compliment later, Osborne noted that he was pretty sure he had been speaking to Beethoven. HaHaHaHa! , even worse it was the Beethoven from the dog movies.
  • TheGreg: AIRWOLF 2008??!?!? REALLY?!? THAT WOLD BE AWSOME!!!!!!!!!!!
  • glendoor42: My oldest son and I had a rhinoceros piss on us at the zoo once. Smelled like cat piss on steroids and 10 week old coffee with 20 cigarette butts in it.
  • Steve: Holy shit, I really love boobs.
The WTF?:
  • Online Flower Guide: I couldnt understand some parts of this article, but it sounds interesting
  • Fag: stru n00b lucas is teh roxor an live acton show wil pwn yr @$$
  • oz: I went to a Lizard Spitting Academy here in Norway. I can spit those suckers half way across a football field! And by football, I mean soccer.
  • Eddie: what a joke! Someone just PSed his pictures to some hot nude pictures and then uploaded them to an onliine site Sugarmommymeet.. you know the site is a rich women seeking sugar babies site.. so it says he is looking for a sugar mommy haha.. a little bit ridiculous!!!!!!!!!
  • Pee Public Pee Public Pissing: I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view

Well, that's it. If you were lucky enough to find your name among those listed above, I'd like to invite you to stop by and receive a complimentary two-week membership from my new employer, Sugarmommymeet.com. Until then, I leave you with one thought that sums up my time at Cracked: boobs.