I Know We're All Just People, But You Europeans Are Just Plain Weird: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
Dustin the Turkey - "Irlande Douze Pointe"
I can't think of many things that draw a clearer line in the cultural sand between Europe and America than the annual Eurovision Song Contest. It's one of the longest-running TV shows in history, it's watched by 600 million people worldwide, and nobody in America has any fucking clue that it even exists.
The details are a little fuzzy to a cheeseburger chewin', Budweiser swillin' cowboy Yank like myself, but from what I can tell, each country picks a song to represent them in the contest, and then the viewers vote to determine the most popular song. That sounds like it should be pretty straightforward, but here's the problem: This year, Ireland has chosen to be represented by a puppet named Dustin the Turkey. And that, unfortunately, is where I cease to understand what the hell this competition is all about.
Why would you want to send an obnoxious turkey puppet to represent your country in an international competition? Does this enter some sort of bizarre grand tradition that we here in the States aren't aware of? Is it customary for countries to be represented by bizarre animal puppets? Is France sending a water vole with a mustache? Does Germany send a highly fashionable goose with a strong work ethic? Your European customs are strange and frightening to my American eyes. I'm not making fun of you, Europe; I'm just trying to understand you. Please explain yourself in simple terms I can understand. You know - by using the words "freedom," "terror" and "McDonalds."
Do it fast, though - American Idol's on soon.
@Cracked Member
ReplyExactly.
Plus, I really hope that someday an act performing "My Lovely Horse" will represent us.
(Anyone who doesn't know the song, look it up.)
Who the hell takes this contest seriously? All the neighbouring countries vote for each other anyway.
ReplyAt least we got a few laughs when we were represented by a f*****g turkey puppet.
Fair enough, they were awkward "this is a situation I swear never to get myself into again" laughs, but they were laughs none-the-less.
well dude, even people in europe think it sucks, it's more of the worlds longest running and largest "in-joke" (I'm from the UK)
ReplyOk this is very important. Sending Dustin in was Ireland's idea of a national piss take. I'm Irish and anyone I know who voted for Dustin did it to show how ridiculous we find the Eurovision. The number 1 way of spoiling your balot in Ireland is writing 'Dustin', in means you think the competitors are awful, exactly what Eurovision is. There's also a feeling that with voting neighbouring countries stick together so islands like England and Ireland wont win anyway so what's the point. Oh and alot of the competitors are novelty acts. The whole competition is one of those yay Europe, lets keep peace amongst us enterprises. Oh and we used to win all the times. Also it could be like Father Ted says (best show ever)
ReplyI love how he apologises for things like Riverdance.
ReplyROFLCOPTER. WTF?
Dustin defined my Irish childhood. He's a legend and I will cry for days if he's ever taken off the air.
ReplyAh, I love the eurovision. At least it was better then dervish, even if it was just a massive "fuck you europe"...
Replyi'm irish and being completely honest dustin the turkey got sent in because anyone in charge of anything in ireland is a fucktard
Replyeven if they were normal people before there's something about being in ireland and in charge of something that just fucks people's brains...
most people in ireland over the age of 14 hate dustin
but it was a phone in competition to see what entry would go to the eurovision and no one thought to stop their retarded children from voting for the fucking turkey which is about as irish as queen elizabeth (you cant get less irish than that).
its all a load of bollox
and i had to do a stupid debate in irish saying dustin was a good symbol for ireland
the shame
on behalf of ireland i apolagise to the world for our retarded turkey
who gives a fuck about eurovision, block voting, transexuals, the irish and more "ruskies" than an early Bond film. it makes me glad that the world oppresses eastern europe.
ReplyThe biggest retards are the USA and the UK with their shallow, fake sc*m and especially your "women" which makes you oh so unhappy nations. "Oppresses Eastern Europe" .. in your dreams. Go fokk yourself. I LOVE Europe! There is no east or west. Fukk USA and UK.
It's because the Irish won 4 years in a row and each year the winners have to host the bloody thing. They stopped sending anything sensible in because it costs too much. :D
ReplyHowever weird Eurovision gets, I'll still watch it if I'm in because a) Terry Wogan, b) it's a laugh and c) Terry Wogan.
amy winehouse video rehab...
ReplyThis site is so freeking cool. Pceace !!...
Eurovision is weird. I don't like the style of music, I sit there and go "god this is awful" then the next entry and I'm "OK, I was wrong - THIS is awful!"... and yet then in the voting I can't help but be upset when the worst entry wins (due to obvious vote-rigging) and the least worst one gets four points total.
ReplyBut there's no denying that the contest, in which the Moldavian entry got banned for being openly pedophilic, Ukraines entry consisted of transvestites in fantasy space suits, and where Dustin the Turkey will merely be in the weirder third of the starting field, is very entertaining.
I wonder if it's at all possible to parody the eurovision song contest. I suspect no.
Who doesn't like muppets?
ReplyMe for one.
I can't wait to see the reaction of the live Eurovision crowd...
ReplyAll I can say is his singing voice is only about as flat and nasal as that of Dervish's singer last year - at least we have the excuse of the song actually being a pisstake this time!
It's very simple. The eusovision is a overlong novelty act that is embarrassing and unwanted but still happens every year against everyone's wishes (kinda like relatives visiting at christmas). If you take it seriously, you may do well, you may even win the thing. But you lose at life. Badly. The solution is obvious. Send in the turkey.
ReplyAnd just about dustin, he's a genuinely funny puppet making jokes that the kids like but slipping in a few for the older people too. In fact if he wasn't a puppet he'd be sacked long ago for inappropriate jokes for kids (eg. "and this was a real award, not some stupid "oh god larry gogan's gonna be dead soon let's give him a lifetime achievement award we haven't got much time" award.) He's a national institution and an essential part of growing up here. And he's taking the piss what of needs the piss taken out of it.
To those who would call me or others who criticize unbridled capitalism as 'commies' or 'socialists'. Here is a chalenge for you. Post the definition here. Point out the lines that allow for land ownership, home ownership, private industry, and a resonable scale of personal wealth. Do it now. No? THATS WHAT I THOUGHT.
Reply....makes me want to go live in Europe even more. ._.
ReplyPat Kenny is a total tosser. I can't believe he is still profiting off a medium where people actually have to look at him. Ugh.
ReplyBarry, couldn't agree more. Dustin is as Anne says, a national institution - and I have to say I laughed myself stupid at Louis Walsh apparently thinking we were somehow "in it to win it". No, we're in it to take the everloving piss out of it, Louis. Sorry.
Come on Dustin. (Does anyone else remember the flap-flaps?)
Hahahaha, Barry you're a legend, I hate Pat Kenny more than anything, he is such a plank!
ReplyI like you're enthusiasm about Dustin man, he's a straight-shooter alright and has done some great work for charity.
I have no problem with him entering the Eurovision, I just hope it doesn't ruin his rep!
As an irishman, I'm overjoyed to see dustin represent us.
ReplyHe's already ran for president of Ireland (and got 5% approx of the vote) and released several No1's for charity. If anyone could reflect irish honesty and the almighty Craic we have taking the piss out of things, he can.
Over the years he's been the most honest thing we have on irish tv, realising Pat Kenny for the idiot he is long before the rest of the nation copped on once pat took over RTE's flagship program, the late late show. Dustin is our id, our souls bared to the world, and i wish him the best of luck.
G'Wan ya good thing!