Well folks, the Academy Award Nominations were announced yesterday, which means now is the perfect time to start writing the screenplay that will guarantee you a spot in next year’s ceremony. Despite what you might have heard, writing an Oscar-worthy movie is actually one of the simplest things in the world, (just ask Diablo Cody!). There’s a lesson to be learned from every single Best Picture Nominee, and if you don’t pay attention, you’re pathetic.
Frost/Nixon
One of the most frustrating things about the Nixon Presidency, (apart from the entire presidency, in general), was that, once he resigned, Nixon was immediately pardoned. He never stood trial, he never had to answer for his crimes against the American people and he never faced any jail time.
Frost/Nixon uses the real post-resignation interviews conducted by David Frost and, of course, embellishes on and romanticizes the situation for the screen. They took some liberties; They made certain statements appear bigger and more dramatic, they had the Nixon character admit things he never admitted and they wrote in a long, revealing and climactic phone conversation that never actually took place. In doing so, they gave “Richard Nixon the trial he never had.” By basically rewriting history, they treated Nixon like he should have been treated and showed Americans what they wanted to see. This seemed to work well, so for your script, just do the same thing, but take it a little bit further. If history is fair game, why hold back? Give Americans what they really want.
Richard Nixon Goes to Prison
NIXON, looking old and shitty in his stupid, gay prison jumpsuit surveys the cafeteria with TRENT, a tougher and more experienced inmate. Trent is “showing Nixon the ropes.”
TRENT
So, you’ll have the top bunk, but we can switch if that gets too annoying. I think you’re on laundry duty your first month, which isn’t bad, it’s much better than latrine duty. Latrine duty is probably the worst thing about being in prison.
NIXON
(Suspicious, and fat.)
Really? That’s the worst part.
TRENT
(Thinking.)
Mmm… Yeah… Yeah, I think so, that’s really it.
NIXON
No…No surprises, nothing else?
TRENT
No, nothing’s coming to mind. It’s all pretty straightforward.
NIXON
(Smiling like a shithead.)
What a relief. See, I’d heard all these rumors about sodomy, and I-
TRENT smacks his forehead in the realization.
TRENT
Right! The sodomy, how could I forget? Yeah, that- that- is definitely the worst part by, like, a million. Can’t believe I didn’t mention that. Total mind-fart. One of those days, you know? But yes, the sodomy is pretty aggressive and nightmarish, they don’t really mess around here.
NIXON slips on a banana peel and his pants fall down.
DAN O’BRIEN
(On a motorcycle.)
You have AIDS.
Milk
Milk succeeded because they tapped into the pulse of America. They set their story in the fictional land of “San Fran Sisco” and used a bunch of timeless, recognizable stock characters to discuss and investigate a subject that’s on a lot of American’s minds, (gay marriage, gay rights, gay dairy etc), and knocked it out of the park. Really, if you can hack into the zeitgeist, you’re basically a lock for Best Picture. Your challenge is trying to guess what Americans are going to be concerned about by next Oscar season. Will 2009 bring a greater depression? A technological leap forward? A zombie apocalypse? To cater to this problem, write a script that has several options written in. It’s sort of like one of those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books, except it’s exactly like one of those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books.
Sample Scene:
STEVE EVERYMAN walks into his house/laboratory/the desert wasteland that is typical of a zombie apocalypse. He wears a t-shirt/is doing science/is totally sick of the zombies. A LADY/CYBORG walks/hovers up beside him.
LADY/CYBORG
Good morning, Steve. How are you?
STEVE EVERYMAN
Not too bad. I sure
A) Wish I wasn’t so poor.
B) Am glad we invented that device that grants cats the ability to speak.
C) Hope I don’t run into zombies today.
LADY/CYBORG
Oh, Steve,
A) Cheer up; we’ll land on our feet, we always do.
B) The Cat Prime Minister would like a word with you.
C) You probably will run into zombies and they’ll want to eat your brains. I’m a zombie.
STEVE EVERYMAN
Boy, I sure am touching on some issues that resonate with modern Americans when I say
A) I sold one of our kids to buy gas money.
B) Our new Cat Overlords are cruel and oppressive.
C) Holy Fucking Shit Zombies!
By August, you should know which one of your scenarios is the hot button issue. Round up some actors, tell them which version of the script you’ll be shooting, and buy some solid gold condoms, because, brother, you’re about to fuck the Oscars.
Slumdog Millionaire
Your plot is irrelevant. Just pretend to be the heartwarming, underexposed “Little Guy” by having super-rich production company Fox Searchlight spend millions upon millions of dollars on a brilliant yet spurious campaign that somehow convinces everyone in America that you’re some kind of small, humble, “Little Film That Could.” Seriously. Is it weird to anyone else that the last three little-film-that-could, underdog, pseudo-indie films “that beat the odds,” (Slumdog, Juno, Little Miss Sunshine), have all followed identical paths to the Oscars under the same Fox Searchlight banner? Whatever. Write something quirky and heartstring-tugging and hope it gets picked up by Fox Searchlight, and their Oscar machine will take care of the rest.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
TCCoBB succeeded in that they took a typical tale about love and mortality and twisted it, by focusing on a man who ages in reverse. The lesson to learn here is “The Twist,” (in France, ‘Le Twiste’). If you want your screenplay to succeed why not take the exact same story that Benjamin Button used, but put a twist on it: Make it about a man who ages in reverse, in reverse.
The Astounding Account of Dr. Pants
A CATE-BLANCHETTY-TYPE-CHICK comes in. [Note: If it turns out that Cate Blanchett was the one who was in the Button movie, don't use her. Use one of the other Cate's, or alternately, Blanchett in a mustache and trench coat.] Cate Blanchetty-type Chick’s long, luxurious hair pours down her back like a waterfall of blood; strands flow fluidly, splashing onto her shoulders. Maybe there are even fish in it. Every move she makes is like an intricate dance step in a complicated and sexy tango. DR. PANTS sits at his desk, being the most passive and unexciting lead character in the history of cinema.
CATE BLANCHETTY-TYPE CHICK
Why, Dr. Pants, do you look so forlorn, here in New Orleans, or whatever?
PANTS
(The sadness weighs his words down.)
Today…today is…my birthday.
CATE BLANCHETTY-TYPE CHICK
Oh, Pants, that’s nothing to get so down in the cheeks, for. You’re just a year older, yes?
PANTS
Yes…Yes, a year older this year. Same as last year.
(His eyes widen with horror.)
Same as every year.
DR. PANTS bursts into the tears of a man doomed to live his live in forward forever, (until he dies at a statistically average age). He sobs into his hands for several seconds and then CATE BLANCHETTY-TYPE CHICK’s top falls off. SEXY TV REPAIR MAN DAN O’BRIEN bursts into the room and throws a pie at her.
The Reader
Full Disclosure: I did not see The Reader. I did, however, read a fairly thorough plot synopsis, which I think makes me more than qualified to give advice on the subject. As I understand it, The Reader is about a collection of security droids that malfunction and go on a murderous killing spree in a mall one night. It’s not hard to see why this film got nominated: The Academy loves robots. Whether it’s a couple of harmless, kooky droids used as comic relief, as in Star Wars, (Best Picture Nominee, 1977), or a cold and unfeeling killing machine, as in Rain Man, (Best Picture Winner, 1988), including a robot in your script is a one-way ticket to Oscar-ville. I’m certainly not the first person to notice this, (as evident by the amount of robot movies that get made every year), so the trick is to make your robot movie stand out from the crowd. What makes your robot movie different? What’s new, here? In The Reader, they put the robots in a shopping mall after hours, which is a good start, but then they struck the robots with lightning, thereby turning the robots into killbots and The Reader into 2008’s Best Picture of the Year.
So, put your robots somewhere new and exciting, and then make them do things you wouldn’t expect robots to do. I don’t think I need to walk you through a sample script because, when it comes to robots, once you have your location, the script basically writes itself. Case in point, I just got funding for the following six movies and I didn’t even put a single word down on paper:
-Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Robocop.
-Robot President.
-Forbidden Love: (”There’s a Robot On the Pirate Ship!”)
-Crouching Tiger, Robot Pediatrician
-Everybody Get Robot, Tonight! (I admit, I don’t have a plan for this one.)
-West Side Story but with Robots and a Monkey
***
So there you have it. A complete guide to writing a hit Oscar flick that positively cannot fail. If it does fail, fear not- there is a back up plan. All you need to do is combine any two of the movies mentioned, no one will know or care. Really, the big Oscar secret is that, if you combine any two movies that have enjoyed any degree of success, you will have a guaranteed hit on your hands. (If you think about it, Forrest Gump was just a shoddy mash-up of Goodfellas and Look Who’s Talking, Now!) It’s simple math: Two hit movies when added together make one super movie. I’ve applied this formula to my own personal screenplay and it’s currently making the rounds at all the major film festivals and generating some serious buzz. I leave you today with some of the early praise for my latest movie, Hostel for Dogs. See you at the Oscars!
—
“Hostel for Dogs is the most important thing to happen to film since eyes.”- The LA Times.
“Screenwriter Dan O’Brien unapologetically plunged his sweaty, throbbing dialogue deep into the film’s warm and inviting subtext, over and over again until, finally, steamy, gooey cinematic brilliance erupted all over the screen. The audience will have this film’s fresh ideas and complex themes stuck in their hair and dripping down their faces for years to come.”- Morgan Freeman.
“Hostel for Dogs made Citizen Kane look like two pigs fucking.” -The reanimated corpse of Orson Welles.
“I want to take a shower with the writer of this film.”-Anne Hathaway
“This movie was so sexually charged, watching it was like freebasing an orgasm.”-Roger Ebert
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November 19th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
C: HOLY FCUKING SHIT ZOMBIES
I continue to love you Cracked.
Although I have to say, Slumdog was an amazing movie.
July 13th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
I can’t believe someone remembers ‘Chopping Mall’ … “Where shopping costs you an arm and a leg”.
April 20th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
Translation:
Frost/Nixon: WAAAAAAAH!! It’s not a documentary!
Milk: WAAAAAAAAAAH!! It has a message!
Slumdog millionaire: WAAAAAAAAAH!! Fox Searchlight didn’t finance by documentary “Blow Jobs for Me”!!
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! I don’t get the premise!
The Reader: WAAAAAAAAAAAH!! It’s not Chopping Mall!
March 16th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
I don’t normally comment on blogs but your post was a real help. Thank you for a great topic, I will be sure to bookmark your site and check it out again. Cheers, Amy xXx.
February 20th, 2009 at 8:44 am
Everybody get Robot, Tonight! is the best!
February 13th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
Haha love it
January 28th, 2009 at 12:07 am
“This is the only movie ever made that is just as good when you’re not on crack.”
-Amy Winehouse
January 27th, 2009 at 9:34 am
Another hilarious cultural masterpiece, mister O’Brien, sir. You deserve all the credit you do not get (though almost none of the credit you do get). The end of the Bejamin Button story had me laughing twice. And only one of those was because you wrote “pie”.
January 25th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
I’m hoping that since the poster for “The Reader” shows Rob that means he’s one of the people in the mall that get killed.
January 25th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Nixon was great
January 25th, 2009 at 7:50 am
Morgan Freeman
Bwahahahahahahah!
January 25th, 2009 at 5:27 am
Abso-fucking-ly genius DOB! Good job =)
January 24th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
Chopping Mall! Ahh! My friend had a screening of Chopping Mall and Biozombie over the summer, the theme was “Trapped in the Mall”. Fun stuff.
January 24th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
Hahaha, marry meeee!?
January 24th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Dan O’Brien, I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: please have my internet babies.
“Down in the cheeks”? Isn’t it- Damn, I’ll never think of the phrase “down in the dumps” in the same way again…
January 24th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Why are you here, Kevin?
January 24th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Wow. Morgan Freeman’s review was hot.
January 24th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
Not funny, but it’s on Cracked, so why should I be surprised?
January 24th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
This is the best article I’ve ever read on Cracked! All other articles should be run past you to be punched up. Maybe even the authors too…
January 24th, 2009 at 11:22 am
PROTIP: Thor is actually a mousy, 95 lb. high school drop-out from Manchester, PA. He does nothing for a living, but he keeps saying how he’s going to go to technical school and learn to be an electronic technician.
I know this because I gave him some money in exchange for a profoundly satisfying blow job last weekend. Afterward, he started getting all weepy and ashamed, so I let him babble about his stupid life.
It’s okay, Thor. I know these little grammatical errors are all you have left. But some day, bro. Some day. Don’t stop believing.
January 24th, 2009 at 9:27 am
@Thor, It seems you need toget layed ore at leest learn how to masterbate so ewe can lern how too relacks and stop being sew phucking anal about stoopid things. Youse a gramer nazi and soo I feel the need two make phun ov yu.
January 24th, 2009 at 9:01 am
When I win an Oscar, I’m dedicating it to you Dan!
January 24th, 2009 at 4:43 am
MY SPLEEN! it hurts from reading this and laughing so hard. oh spleeny…
January 24th, 2009 at 12:15 am
Oh dear. I cried, hot, sweaty throbbing tears at this, which dripped moistly onto the soft carpet below. Oh so aboslutely freaking brillant.
January 24th, 2009 at 12:12 am
Oh noes Thor, DOB made one single spelling mistake!
January 24th, 2009 at 12:08 am
DOB, this is the first time i laughed so hard i cried at a Cracked article. have my babies.
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:08 pm
“In The Reader, they put the robots in a shopping mall after hours, which is a good start, but then they struck the robots with lightening, thereby turning the robots into killbots and The Reader into 2008’s Best Picture of the Year.”
“LightEning”? “LightEning”?
You’re a writer?
Thor
God of Thunder… and LightNING!
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:53 pm
dob if i EVER make a movie you have to be a part of it
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:03 pm
Hearing Morgan Freeman’s voice as I was reading his “quote” nearly made me shit my pants.
January 23rd, 2009 at 8:35 pm
I cried twice reading this.
January 23rd, 2009 at 7:40 pm
The Spirit was a major disappointment, but come on… Worst Movie Ever? Seriously? Have you even seen every movie ever? I don’t think you have. I don’t trust you, Swaim, you smarmy bastard, you.
Also, I like the bit about DOB throwing a pie at the Cate-Blanchettey chick without any reason or preamble. Bravo.
January 23rd, 2009 at 7:37 pm
BOO! You didn’t mention anything about India or Mumbai during the Slumdog Millionaire part. Shame on you DOB!
January 23rd, 2009 at 6:49 pm
That Morgan Freeman quote was misattributed. It was actually Gordon Freeman who said that.
January 23rd, 2009 at 6:32 pm
Showing your steamy,gooey, cinematic brilliance-once again!
Great job DOB.
January 23rd, 2009 at 6:27 pm
@Panzer- “You know, a lotta my doctors, and trainers, you know what they told me? They told me, they said, that I washed up. Over the hill. That I was old, too old to kill Hitler anymore. But you know what? I’m not killing Hitler for them, for those doctors. I’m doing it for you. And the only people who are gonna tell me when I can and can’t kill Hitler are all you fine folks out here tonight!”
January 23rd, 2009 at 6:08 pm
The Valkyrie Wrestler is a kickass title too.
January 23rd, 2009 at 6:05 pm
To be honest I’m much more looking forward to the retired wrestler who makes one big comeback so he can take part in a secret plot to assassinate Hitler.
January 23rd, 2009 at 5:52 pm
Sadly, Mr. Brockway, watching Grandpa kill a man wasn’t nearly so funny.
January 23rd, 2009 at 5:32 pm
I didn’t know Morgan Freeman was such a perv!
January 23rd, 2009 at 5:26 pm
Imagine if Milk got sent to prison, sodomized Richard Nixon who mysteriously turned into a child (it later turns out he was a robot). The Richard Nixon Robot Child then wins the lottery and goes on a shooting spree inside Fox Searchlight pictures. Who can say they wouldn’t want to see that movie.
January 23rd, 2009 at 5:11 pm
That Morgan Freeman entry was not cool, man.
He’s too endearing - he’s just not allowed to be filthy. When I heard him say ‘motherfucker’ in Wanted I cried for a week.
It was like watching your own grandpa kill a man.
January 23rd, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Wow… that was hilarious!!!!
I am reading this at work and I laughed out loud… Everybody thinks that I’m retarded now but that’s ok because little do they know I am currently working on the Oscar-Bait Screenplay: Two Robot Pigs Fucking.
Wow that was funny.
January 23rd, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Great, great work DOB. Absolutely hilarious.
January 23rd, 2009 at 4:33 pm
“buy some solid gold condoms, because, brother, you’re about to fuck the Oscars”
“This movie was so sexually charged, watching it was like freebasing an orgasm”
…
…amazing…
January 23rd, 2009 at 4:32 pm
Are you two saying The Spirit wasn’t an over-the-top satire? My world has crumbled. I still hope to see the phrase, “Laugh Riot” somewhere on the DVD box cover.
January 23rd, 2009 at 4:29 pm
this article was so funny, i smacked my forward
January 23rd, 2009 at 4:12 pm
That’s why I tell people I’m an O’Brien gal! God - you’re funny.
January 23rd, 2009 at 4:08 pm
damn, morgan freeman can WRITE a review!!!
you had me crying with laughter with that one.
January 23rd, 2009 at 3:39 pm
let’s all freebase some orgasms
January 23rd, 2009 at 3:22 pm
@Swaim-
I agree with you so much on everything you say, as I saw Curious Case and The Spirit in the same weekend. Button, I thought, looked really cool, and I thought his mother was incredible and Cate Blanchett was terrific. But he as the central character was way, way too passive for me. When your movie asks the intriguing question “What happens when you age in reverse” and the answer is “Nothing,” you have a problem.
And The Spirit was so awful, I can’t wait until everyone watches it.
January 23rd, 2009 at 3:08 pm
I really loathed the Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It irks me that everyone compares it to Forrest Gump, when it’s actually the OPPOSITE of Forrest Gump, in the sense that (spoilers!) in FG, the protagonist, despite a lack of sense, manages to touch lives and change the course of history through kindness, determination, hard work and unflinching honesty, whereas Benjamin Button, despite being intelligent and leading a seemingly charmed life, never does anything of note or affects anyone other than the women he sleeps with (whom he then abandons, returning just in time to have them care for him in his old/young age). Wanting to bang Cate Blanchett is understandable, but doing it a bunch on a yacht and then in a crappy apartment isn’t enough to make you a likable character, or even a character. Feh.
In other news, see The Spirit! WORST. MOVIE. EVER. Astounding. Hilarious. So bad.
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Don’t tell mom the babysitters robocop
that did it in for me hahaha
you, sir, are a comical genius
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Terminator: Salvation is going to sweep the Oscars next year.
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Just wanted to add that “The Astounding Account of Dr. Pants” SLAYED me, and reminded me of the ‘time machines’ in “Metalocalypse” that were just plastic bags that allowed you to travel through time “at the normal speed”. Great pie.
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Sweet article DOB! But you should note that Fox Searchlight is a distribution compnay, not a production compnay…they didn’t make the movies. Juno was very low budget and by a first time screen writer and first time director, it was “the little film that got picked up by a huge distributer so it could”
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Ha.. ha… : )
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:39 pm
“This movie was so sexually charged it was like freebasing an orgasm.” -Roger Ebert
I fight not to laugh at work when I read Cracked, but I just couldn’t hold it in at that line.
Fantastic.
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:03 pm
I agree with stevetheidiot. While gay anal rape is always funny, not enough dick jokes for my taste (and I’ve tasted a few). Suck it DOB! And stop phoning it in just because you’re all famous and shit.
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Shaku, hither: http://obrienfiction.blogspot.com/
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:18 pm
A while ago I saw that DOB wrote a novel and published it online but now I can’t find it. Anyone know where it is?
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:17 pm
[...] this was worth sharing. Here’s Cracked.com’s take on the five Oscar nominees up for Best [...]
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:57 am
DOB: It’s why i Cracked, or whatever.
In my head, the dialogue was spoken by Futurama Nixon.
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:55 am
First time writing here and you are my fav writer Dan keep the good work (oh and congrats for the award, any chance you pressure the academy to give you the Oscar you deserve? )
And here is something i want to share with everyone, when i saw the trailer about the Bejanmin Button movie it came to my mind “La vida segun Quino” (”Life according to Quino”; Quino is a graphic humorist, comic writer, creator of the Comic Mafalda more info on Saint Wiki =P) so im going to translate it here:
“I think the way life flows its wrong.
It should be backwards:
One should die first to be out of it. Then live in and eldery assylum until you get kicked when you are not so old. Then you should start working. Work for forty years until you are young enough to enjoy your retirement. Parties, Parties, alcohol, darting with women or guys, what do i know; until you are ready to enter to middle school. Then you enter to elementary school, you are a child that just spend his time playing without any kind of responsabilities. Then you become a baby, you go inside to the matern womb, you spent the last nine months of your life floating in an amoniatic liquid until your life extinguishes in a big orgasm……….
NOW THATS LIFE!!!!!”
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:54 am
::crickets chirping::
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:53 am
“This movie was so sexually charged, watching it was like freebasing an orgasm.” is officially the greatest quote I have ever laid my eyes upon
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:42 am
I’m a film major and I think the oscars are a waste of time and money. They are a cheap tool used for exploiting a legitimate art form! They really should be ashamed of themselves
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:38 am
steveotheidiot is an idiot and DOB is awesome. WTF u mean “forced and unfunny,” this one brought many lols. If you don’t like it then go away.
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:28 am
Question: How does one BUY gas money?
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:21 am
Crappy article, just like the movies being nominated for best picture.
Seriously, DOB, it was forced and unfunny.
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:18 am
DOB needs to put more crotch points in his script during the surprise entrances (i.e. “SEXY TV REPAIR MAN DAN O’BRIEN bursts into the room and throws a pie at her…and then points at his crotch). Maybe insert some kind of pie-related pun too, but I dunno. I’m not really in the writing biz.
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:01 am
Dr. Pants is a proctologist, I’m guessing?
January 23rd, 2009 at 10:59 am
“Chopping Mall” is pretty much the greatest movie ever. I don’t understand why it didn’t win several major awards.
January 23rd, 2009 at 10:50 am
The Wrestler got snubbed, fuckin’ Oscar’s can kick me between the back pockets! For the next two weeks, every guy I see or meet who might be named Oscar is getting a kick in the “garden of good and evil”.
January 23rd, 2009 at 10:32 am
it felt like my eyes were being murdered.
January 23rd, 2009 at 10:16 am
The sad thing is all the movies up for Best Picture aren’t that good. and since when can a movie win a Oscar Twice. Ben Gump…I hate the Oscars.
January 23rd, 2009 at 10:09 am
Good article, but I wish that MLK Jr. Day was on a Friday. I would have loved to hear DOB’s take on that holiday.
January 23rd, 2009 at 10:08 am
hey wasnt WALLE nominated for an oscar
January 23rd, 2009 at 10:06 am
“Sexy tv repair man Dan O’Brien bursts into the room and throws a pie at her.”
Classic.
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:56 am
Wow! that’s all it takes?!?
All this time i’ve been trying to pitch a movie about a talking Mouse who falls in love with the cat that’s stalking him.
Thanks DOB!
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:53 am
i like the red, it adds the charming ‘talented 9 year old with a box of cyber-crayons and a webblog’ air that DOB seems to carry with him.
Dont tell Mom the Babysitters Robocop has the potential to be the greatest film of this decade… if only there was a way to get John Candy in the film somehow… Uncle Buck vs Robonanny?
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:49 am
“Everybody Get Robot, Tonight!” is actually the working title of the unofficial official DOB biography. It’s being discussed in committee right now. Also, I love that the Hero of the Day award gets mentioned before the weblog award. Stupid weblog award, we kick their ass.
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:44 am
I’ve never heard of “The Reader” and my parents said that “Milk” was actually really funny and lighthearted. It takes place in the time when Castro Street was at the height of its stereotype…ic…ness…WHATEVER! Anyway, the whole movie is just something to shove into the face of the Westboro Baptist Church showing that gays are people too. It’s the 2000s “Philadelphia”. That also got nominations, so of course this one does too.
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:43 am
First of all, this was a great article. I think if someone’s compiling a list of your greatest quotes, the golden condoms thing… Yeah, that’s going at the very top.
Second, I owe you an apology. This entire time I never believed you about Jack O’Brien. I’d just laugh and say, ‘Oh, DOB and his silly psychosis!’ and smile and chuckle when some of the other Cracked bloggers mentioned him. But… apparently… he’s a real person. Who’s written actual articles. On CRACKED. My mind exploded when I figured this out (which was very, very recently). So, I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. I should know better than to question your sexy word.
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:21 am
I actually see red. Someone please fix it.
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:06 am
….Red?
Also, stop giving away my screenplay ideas.
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:00 am
Pies would certainly have livened up TCCoBB.
I can’t wait to freebase an orgasm for myself–I’ve just been snorting them all this time.