Comments on: How To Train An Army of Animals To Do Your Bidding http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-to-train-an-army-of-animals-to-do-your-bidding/ The CRACKED.com take on the world, in America's oldest weblog, since 1958. Sun, 22 Nov 2009 23:36:14 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 hourly 1 By: Richard Nixon http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-to-train-an-army-of-animals-to-do-your-bidding/comment-page-1/#comment-97945 Richard Nixon Thu, 16 Jul 2009 02:42:49 +0000 http://www.cracked.com/blog/?p=5064#comment-97945 lol lol

]]> By: samuel ghulam http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-to-train-an-army-of-animals-to-do-your-bidding/comment-page-1/#comment-95894 samuel ghulam Mon, 29 Jun 2009 14:27:32 +0000 http://www.cracked.com/blog/?p=5064#comment-95894 hj;ljiljkiu8op hj;ljiljkiu8op

]]> By: samuel ghulam http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-to-train-an-army-of-animals-to-do-your-bidding/comment-page-1/#comment-95893 samuel ghulam Mon, 29 Jun 2009 14:17:56 +0000 http://www.cracked.com/blog/?p=5064#comment-95893 ok im not one of thoes crazy peaple but can u give mor in fon about the animals their self i no a lot about animals but u no u sound so awsome u dont no hw cool u luk im m y eyes man u awsome ok im not one of thoes crazy peaple but can u give mor in fon about the animals their self i no a lot about animals but u no u sound so awsome u dont no hw cool u luk im m y eyes man u awsome

]]> By: here2pwn u http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-to-train-an-army-of-animals-to-do-your-bidding/comment-page-1/#comment-59523 here2pwn u Thu, 11 Dec 2008 01:28:51 +0000 http://www.cracked.com/blog/?p=5064#comment-59523 This was just hilarious and most likely true if you had enough resources. This was just hilarious and most likely true if you had enough resources.

]]> By: Chris http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-to-train-an-army-of-animals-to-do-your-bidding/comment-page-1/#comment-56312 Chris Wed, 26 Nov 2008 04:53:35 +0000 http://www.cracked.com/blog/?p=5064#comment-56312 "If you’re like most Cracked readers, you have a deep and fierce loathing of everyone around you, and constantly simmer in a stew of sweat and rage at your inability to shape the world to your will." Finally, someone speaks directly to me. “If you’re like most Cracked readers, you have a deep and fierce loathing of everyone around you, and constantly simmer in a stew of sweat and rage at your inability to shape the world to your will.”

Finally, someone speaks directly to me.

]]> By: Liz http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-to-train-an-army-of-animals-to-do-your-bidding/comment-page-1/#comment-56236 Liz Tue, 25 Nov 2008 22:48:52 +0000 http://www.cracked.com/blog/?p=5064#comment-56236 My high school football team was the Stevens High Cardinals. Fearsome beasts. No wonder we only won 1 game ever. My high school football team was the Stevens High Cardinals. Fearsome beasts. No wonder we only won 1 game ever.

]]> By: Mebbe Nawt http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-to-train-an-army-of-animals-to-do-your-bidding/comment-page-1/#comment-55611 Mebbe Nawt Sat, 22 Nov 2008 14:59:42 +0000 http://www.cracked.com/blog/?p=5064#comment-55611 Awesome. I'm taking over Canada with my liger-turtle-whale-condor army. Awesome. I’m taking over Canada with my liger-turtle-whale-condor army.

]]> By: Ramen King http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-to-train-an-army-of-animals-to-do-your-bidding/comment-page-1/#comment-55615 Ramen King Sat, 22 Nov 2008 14:52:55 +0000 http://www.cracked.com/blog/?p=5064#comment-55615 Bucholz, this is where the flaw lies in your plan. You claim that birds are rock stupid, but do some research. Ravens have been shown to be almost par with human intelligence, solving logic puzzles and using past experiences to plan for the future. They've even been known to craft and use tools for use in various food gathering aspects. Crows are almost as intelligent and they travel in flocks. Or for a better purpose, the flocks are known as "murders". If you think your paltry army of tigers would hold up long against my flying murder of crows armed with their superintelligence (and why not? Metal tipped beaks) then you are sorely mistaken. Bucholz, this is where the flaw lies in your plan. You claim that birds are rock stupid, but do some research. Ravens have been shown to be almost par with human intelligence, solving logic puzzles and using past experiences to plan for the future. They’ve even been known to craft and use tools for use in various food gathering aspects.

Crows are almost as intelligent and they travel in flocks. Or for a better purpose, the flocks are known as “murders”.

If you think your paltry army of tigers would hold up long against my flying murder of crows armed with their superintelligence (and why not? Metal tipped beaks) then you are sorely mistaken.

]]> By: kingmonkey http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-to-train-an-army-of-animals-to-do-your-bidding/comment-page-1/#comment-55103 kingmonkey Thu, 20 Nov 2008 18:13:02 +0000 http://www.cracked.com/blog/?p=5064#comment-55103 Oh Bucholz, do your really believe that I, of all people, am not aware of how to raise an animal army? Pshaw! I have successfully reared two animal armies in the past. The first was an armada of rather large snapping turtles. The idea was sound: durable shell, angry biting action, amphibious, efficacious means of transport. I had hoped that disbelief would offset the speed difference between my army on land, and the doomed hordes of the tiny European village outside my castle. It worked well enough, but then I felt something more personal was called for. I sold the first army to Disney. The second army was of a hybrid giraffe-shark creation of my own. They were the land/sea division, and the aerial badger-pigeons formed my air force. The artillery division was a race of moose with spastic colons and tiny anuses. Needless to say, they were a devastating force, and the only reason you've never heard of it is due to the cover-up on the behalf of Canada's top secret super spies. (They're so top secret you've likely never heard of them!) I am currently working on designing giant insects to sell to the highest bidder. Super-villains: call me for more details! Oh Bucholz, do your really believe that I, of all people, am not aware of how to raise an animal army? Pshaw! I have successfully reared two animal armies in the past.

The first was an armada of rather large snapping turtles. The idea was sound: durable shell, angry biting action, amphibious, efficacious means of transport. I had hoped that disbelief would offset the speed difference between my army on land, and the doomed hordes of the tiny European village outside my castle. It worked well enough, but then I felt something more personal was called for. I sold the first army to Disney.

The second army was of a hybrid giraffe-shark creation of my own. They were the land/sea division, and the aerial badger-pigeons formed my air force. The artillery division was a race of moose with spastic colons and tiny anuses. Needless to say, they were a devastating force, and the only reason you’ve never heard of it is due to the cover-up on the behalf of Canada’s top secret super spies. (They’re so top secret you’ve likely never heard of them!)

I am currently working on designing giant insects to sell to the highest bidder. Super-villains: call me for more details!

]]> By: sir jorge http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-to-train-an-army-of-animals-to-do-your-bidding/comment-page-1/#comment-55082 sir jorge Thu, 20 Nov 2008 13:03:01 +0000 http://www.cracked.com/blog/?p=5064#comment-55082 I'm sorry, but this as bad news written all over it. I am not going to train wild animals, i'll stick to the domesticated. Nothing is scarier than a fierce gerbal! Just ask Richard Gere. I’m sorry, but this as bad news written all over it. I am not going to train wild animals, i’ll stick to the domesticated. Nothing is scarier than a fierce gerbal! Just ask Richard Gere.

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