As a Canadian, and Cracked’s official Overseas Correspondent, I sometimes find myself with a very different perspective on current events than Cracked’s readership.* Most of the time when this happens, the events are political, and as such, I generally steer well clear of them when picking column topics. This is at least partly out of a sense of self preservation. American political commentators tend a little more towards the shrieking, hair-pulling, shitting-pants-in-anger style than I prefer to write, and the chance of getting knifed in the kidneys by someone with different views than you seems to be an ever-present threat. Mostly, though, I refrain from adding my two cents out of a sense of politeness - it’s not my business how you run your country, even if you are drunkenly swerving out of control and in danger of careening into my country.
*Although Cracked draws an audience from every place in the world with Internet access and lazy office workers, the bulk of our readership still primarily hails from America, the so called “Land of Too Much Free Time on Their Hands.”
However, the recent debate about health care has offered me a unique opportunity to shed some light on the conversation. As American politicians muddle their way towards some sort of comprehensive health care reform, the usual television idiots and Internet morons have contributed to the discussion by spraying the verbal equivalent of diarrhea all over each other as they try to frame the debate. A central point being “discussed” is what this hypothetical future health care system would look like. In particular, they ask, spraying loose fecal matter over each other with their mouths, what would government funded health insurance look like?
As Canada has had universal, government funded health care for some time now, this seems like an ideal time for me to explain a bit about how it works. Hopefully this will allow you to see some of the advantages and disadvantages of so-called “socialized” medicine, and allow you and your leaders to make better informed decisions. No, seriously.
First, I might as well discuss the “Death Panels,” a subject recently raised by one-time Alaskan governor, Sarah Palin. It’s an uncomfortable truth that in any system, there will be a limited amount of resources to be spent on medical procedures - a fact which leads to some difficult questions. Is it right to spend $1 million to save one person, when 100 others can be saved for $10,000 each? Obviously real world examples are never that cut and dried, but nevertheless cost-benefit calculations of that sort have to be made to ensure limited resources aren’t misallocated. On old people, for example.
Here in Canada, there’s no such thing as a “death panel,” but decisions of this sort are handled by a centralized agency, the Canadian Department of Life. There, specially trained bureaucrats, using the most powerful computers available in 1997, work through a decision matrix to see what medical procedures are appropriate for a given case.
An example should help illustrate how this works. For most general medical assistance, Canadians simply visit their local health distribution center. There they wait in a short queue for their Initial 38-point Health Inspection. A doctor then sends the appropriate forms to the DoL, allowing the patient to wait in the comfort of their homes for the six to 18 weeks it takes for the DoL decision. At that point the patient returns to the health distribution center to receive their approved health care.
The entire matrix is about 52,000 pages long, although half of that is just the same thing written in French. I won’t print the whole thing, but here is a small sample:
Patient Age
Between 20 years and 65 years
Condition
Broken Thumb
Decision
DECISION-P7985: Set Bone, Install Cast OR Soft cast, 2 Tylenol
Patient Age
Older than 65 years
Condition
Broken Thumb
Decision
DECISION-L3267: Walk it off, 2 Tylenol
Patient Age
Older than 65 years
Condition
Broken Hip
Decision
DECISION-A3779: Throw over town walls to the ice leopards.
Patient Age
ALL
Condition
H1N1 Virus, “Swine Flu”
Decision
DECISION-V1243: Public Health Override directive E76 - Cast into ice volcano.
I should point out this is the “simple” form of the matrix, and not what is actually used by the DoL. In the 1960s, the Supreme Court of Canada decided it was acceptable for the decision matrix to be biased to favor certain desirable social traits, much like the tax code. People with dependent children can thus expect to receive slightly better medical treatment, and people who smoke can expect the opposite. Other criteria deemed to be a positive benefit to society, and thus to receive better health care, include having some university education, voting regularly or owning a thesaurus. Negative criteria include having overdue video rentals, making excessive purchases of light beer or having an interest in wrestling.
As children are the workers of tomorrow, a great deal of care is lavished upon the young; infants in particular. Mandatory vaccinations are delivered weekly to all infants starting at the age of one month, with additional vaccinations provided to infants with particularly desirable genetic traits. Similarly, infants are also tested to see which are at risk of developing particularly expensive medical problems later in life. Contrary to popular belief, these infants are not euthanized, and are instead cared for warmly and compassionately by trained nurses in specially outfitted shipping containers while they’re on the way to Burma, at which point they’re legally no longer Canadians.
Some Canadians, primarily those who come from the families of merchants, do seek out health care on the black market. It’s widely rumored that in the underground, joint replacements can be had in exchange for two or three cartons of Marlboro cigarettes or a pair of Levi’s. The government has naturally tried to discourage these insidious flare-ups of two-tiered health care. Nightly newscasts by the Canadian Department of Facts regularly point out that black market health care facilities are poorly maintained, and their workers are faceless monsters who feed on the flesh of the living.
All of the above is common knowledge however - something anyone can learn by opening the Wikipedia page on Canada and reading between the lines. To dig a little deeper then, and get the straight journalistic dope that Cracked readers desperately crave, I also spoke to local Licensed Health Distributor, Doctor Neil Channing. The interview transcript is below.
_______
Chris Bucholz: All right, the recorder is running. This is Chris Bucholz, Government Journalist ID A26732243, Registered Satirist number 58008. The date is August 8th, 2009. With me is Doctor Neil Channing of Health Distribution Centre PYR-27. Shall we?
Neil Channing: Let’s.
CB: We hail the glorious government of Canada. We hail its far seeing leaders who stand vigilant against our numerous enemies.
NC: Death to the bourgeois, may the Canadian people be forever free from their nine tentacles of deception.
CB: Kadosh! -pounds fist into hand-
NC: Kadosh! -pounds fist into hand-
CB: OK then. Doctor Channing, I’m glad you could make time for me.
NC: No problem.
CB: The reason we’re talking today is I wanted to get an idea from you what challenges you face, as a practitioner of medicine in a country where the government provides basic health insurance for all citizens.
NC: -louder, speaking into microphone- I face no challenges at all, Chris. The system works perfectly.
CB: Thank you for your time.
________
As you can see, the Canadian health care system is the pinnacle of human achievement. With the measures and processes in place, costs are kept under control, average life expectancy is steadily creeping towards 120 and the first generation of flying infants are expected to be born in 2085.
Hail, hail Canada!
__
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November 2nd, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Voltaire,
Forgive me for only addressing one of your points made earlier on in your commentary as, quite honestly, I found it difficult to read through the rest of it.
Another opinion might be: The fact that so many individuals do endure 8+ years of schoolling for the sole reason that there are huge dollar signs at the end of that long tunnel says something about our overall condition.
Becoming a physician used to be about taking an oath to help the sick, but now it seems it’s almost entirely, if not entirely, about taking an oath to help one’s self, to help one’s future bank account: ‘I pledge not to be poor but to be wealthy, to drive BMWs, Mercedes, Lexuses, Hummers, or whatever brand of car I feel is a true mark of my status in society and affords me the right to look down my nose at others. I pledge to live in an oversized house, which occupies excessive land and uses up excessive resources. In short, I pledge to be the ultimate consumer.’
:-/
That being said, I do agree that, as unfortunate at this is, physicians and other overpaid health care professionals in the US would not exactly be lining up to jump aboard the socialized medicine train for said reasons.
Also, someone had mentioned something about the use of the word ‘canuck’. Well, I’ve studied in Canada for six years and have used the word about as much as I’ve used the word ‘yankee’, which is a fair amount. What’s all the fuss about? Neither is derogatory. Unless of course either is used following ‘You f’n _______!’ Then yes, I could see where someone might be insulted by such a word.
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:11 am
@Champ
NO! Don’t synthesize maple syrup!
Your evil plot will harm Vermont as well as Canada!
October 14th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
In response to Sass, in Toronto at least, Canuck is if not derogatory in any way. Anyone can really say it as well doesn’t matter where they’re from.
On a side note I personally like the Health Care system up here and while some stuff takes a while I never really have to worry about it that much. Also not paying large amounts is nice. Most i’ve ever payed was probably 50$ for a special type of cast which let me shower regularly.
October 8th, 2009 at 1:05 am
Aha, no wonder you’re always hilarious! Canadian comedy ftw!
October 5th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
Umm, but yeah this is a really serious debate. Most americans I know never go to the doctor because of the cost. What bothers me is that in an article that concerns questions that will remain fundamental in the way we live the rest of our lives, the thesis here from a valuable source seems lost in the parody. Do you think there should be a public option? We’ve got Michael Moore’s “sicko” and you as a reference. Do you think these reforms would improve health care and livelihood or just turn going to the doctor into another trip to the DMV?
October 3rd, 2009 at 6:30 pm
I noticed that a lot of commenters addressed their remarks to Voltaire. I spent a good 2.7 minutes finding and reading Voltaire’s post. Having done so, I am only curious about one thing: Is “Canuck” an affectionate or derogatory term? Or is it one of those things that you can only say if you yourself are Canadian?
Inquiring minds want to know.
October 1st, 2009 at 11:04 am
Dear Voltaire – How ironic that you have the name of such an enlightened man yet you are such a moron.
I would like to point out a few fallacies in your argument and more than a few blatant lies which you tend to pass off as facts to our fellow readers here at cracked.com
Where you say “the government would have no motive to improve the quality of services” I will have to correct you and say that the ultimate incentive for a government is to be re-elected.
I can’t myself believe that a man or woman would say to themself ‘hmmmn, I’ve worked so damn hard to get here, now, let me think…what can I screw up so as to ensure that I don’t get re-elected’ could you?
It is for this reason that it is motive to provide effective, efficient universal health care as is being proposed in your country?
As for your ridiculous remarks in relation to fraud, I can see no particular ‘smoking gun’ so to speak, according to your own government organisations “Most Medicare payment errors are simple mistakes and are not the result of physicians, providers, or suppliers trying to take advantage of the Medicare system”.
In relation to this ‘Google search’ that you so assertively suggest we all check out, i put it to you that there is no evidence as to your claims of a prevalence of fraud on any Government website.
Take note, I did look at (http://www.stopmedicarefraud.gov/) which tells us that the capitalist dream which you are slumbering is the one causing most of your ‘fraud’ nightmares with American pharmaceutical giant Pfizer Inc being forced to pay $2.3 billion dollars in settlement for fraudulent activities.
I was particularly entertained by your comment “Tell me, is there any reason to go to med school/internships for eight years if at the end of it you’re only paid, say, $50k per year? “
Please tell me how you came to this figure, don’t tell me you made it up…surely someone with such a authoritarian tone to his writings wouldn’t just make stuff up would they…tsk tsk tsk.
If you are going to say something make sure you can back it up douche here is an example of how it works.
In Australia it is certainly not the case that doctors in the public sector get half what a doctor gets in the private sector. Doctors in Australia receive on average between $110,000 and $120,000 (http://www.payscale.com/research/AU/Degree=Doctor_of_Medicine_(MD)/Hourly_Rate )
I therefore see no reason that a universal system would drive doctors from America or reduce pay.
This quote of yours is my favourite or maybe it’s just because i enjoy pointing out just how blatantly stupid you are, I haven’t decided that yet.
“I’d like to point out the idiocy of the idea that the government could work alongside private options. Private options would be destroyed by the much lower cost of government healthcare”
Okay, now for the evidence! There is a two tier system in Australia which coexists brilliantly. I yet again cannot see where it is that you are getting your ideas? From between your ears or thin air? Perhaps they are one in the same.
Finally, here is your last notable quotable – “selling even more of our soul to the Chinese in nice, crisp, US Treasury bearer bonds”
Excuse my ignorance here, or perhaps it is yours (it wouldn’t surprise me in the least) but I do not see what the Chinese could possibly have to do with health care in America.
I look forward to your reply.
N.B. This time bring some facts.
P.S. loved the article but couldn’t help myself in this reply - Sorry, to everyone else…..
*Kadosh!*
September 21st, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Here in America, people set hand decorated jars on gas station counters with photos of their dead, sick, and injured loved ones asking strangers for money for their medical and funeral bills. People get turned away who need care all the time, like that little boy who died of an abscessed tooth in 2007.
September 15th, 2009 at 7:49 pm
Good work, Champ.
Deliver us from Canada and its insidious, syrupy Communist influences!
September 8th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Man, you guys get nine tentacles of deception in Canada? We’ve got three. You guys really do have it all. But I’m currently working on a way to synthesize maple syrup. Then you’re fucked.
September 8th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Amen, Asmkillr323…
September 8th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Kadosh, comrades!
September 6th, 2009 at 7:59 pm
By the way, for a fun look at socialized health care in other nations, go find the story about how 10,000 people were forced down the ‘path’ in England each year because doctors felt like it was time for them to go. Or all the people in Canada, England, and FRANCE who developed terminal cancer because they had to wait up to 18 months for treatment. What a great system.
September 6th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
Someone mentioned the widely passed around list of countries ranked by health care. Sadly, these extremely biased rankings include things like military casualties, regardless of how well the treatment recieved for the casualty is (how that is part of health care, I can’t understand). As such, America tends to stay lower on the list then they would be if, say, the list were not made by people biased beyond belief. It’s easy to see why France stays at the top, as they’ve barely fought a war since Napoleon got his ass handed to him.
Let’s look at some interesting facts though. American health care has the HIGHEST CANCER SURVIVAL RATE. We have the HIGHEST SATISFACTION RATE. We do NOT have anyone telling us when we’ve had too much health care, because if you’re willing to take out a loan, you can get any care you want (and if you can’t get a loan, you’ve fucked yourself somewhere along the line). There’s also no one in America (well, except our president) who will tell you to just take some painkillers and not get a procedure so you can live another ten years.
A lot of people in America who want free health care also seem to be the people who make just a bit too much to get the free health care we already provide. Of course, GOD FORBID that some family living off my tax dollar has to give up their TiVO with all the premium content and their liquor (or drug) purchases in order to find that 20 dollars a week to pay for health insurance. God forbid that they have to spend money on, you know, the BASICS.
By the way, people like to wave around this ‘47 million without health insurance’ crap. Well, take 25 million off that. Those 25 million are all people between 18 and 29 who have no interest in paying for health insurance, being at that age when they feel invincible. So, there’s 22 million who don’t have health insurance that MAY want it, and they can still get free care via medicaid, medicare, or because hospitals will basically give anyone who needs it treatment for about anything.
My God, what a TERRIBLE system we have here. Let’s replace that with an invasive system that gives government MORE control over our lives.
September 6th, 2009 at 4:26 am
Heil [insert name of leader of Canada here]!!!
Kadosh!
September 6th, 2009 at 12:06 am
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September 5th, 2009 at 1:09 am
Kadosh! *pounds fist into hand.*
September 1st, 2009 at 5:48 pm
I eat 8 McChholesterfucks for breakfast.
September 1st, 2009 at 7:49 am
Silent Hill + CBC = Epic Win. Thank you.
August 29th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Someday, SOMEDAY my country will provide universal healthcare, and once it’s reality, the people arguing against it today will seem as silly as the ones who argued against Medicare.
Kadosh! -pounds fist into hand-
August 28th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
i’m half-canadian and i swear to god i LOVE canada… i go there every year and every singe fucking person i’ve ever met is really nice…
All Hail Canada!!
August 28th, 2009 at 8:36 am
your right jeff, every single american eats at least 8 burgers from mcdonalds, you know what that is complete and total BS, I live in the US and i prefer said burgers from wendy’s god dangt.
glad to see americans aren’t stereotyped in other countries.
August 28th, 2009 at 5:18 am
Its not healthcare that is killing Americans, it is the eight double cheeseburgers you buy for yourself every day from McDonald’s. It is also the fact that no one gets off their butt to do anything anymore, everyone would rather sit down watch tv and eat a bucket of KFC.
August 26th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Haha, did anyone read any of these rants?
August 26th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Classic……
August 25th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Lol…”Satirist number 58008″ 58008=BOOBS!! (.)(.)!!!!! ALL HAIL Anonymity!!! Screw you Google!
August 25th, 2009 at 11:22 am
Dear Bloody Lord.
More comments please. i dont think you’ve quite crashed the servers yet.
August 25th, 2009 at 8:11 am
I live in the US and I loved the middle of your first paragraph stating: “American political commentators tend a little more towards the shrieking, hair-pulling, etc” because it is absolutely true, and what a shame. I favor universal health care and if any of my individual rights are ever in jeopardy, I will start the revolution. I tip my hat to Canada for tackling a difficult issue like universal health care. Wil I have to change my citizenship to get affordable good health care, probably.
August 22nd, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Lies!! Lies!!! Every Canadian knows that the snow leopard became extinct over 20 years ago when the Mulroney Govnernment took off all tarriffs on their hides and the French bought every hide that they could get their grubby hands on.
August 19th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
thats how america health care is going to be, i say….REVOLUTION
I DECLARE REVOLUTION COME TO MY HOUSE FOR NEW GOV.
August 19th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
and all hail ruler geddie lee especially for his completion of the peter mansbridge
August 19th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
god damn those snow lepords they ate my pet walrus charlie and yes its sad my friend was lead to the great snow volcano the other day but still all hail canada
August 19th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Order this list by ‘UN member state’
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_life_expectancy
There stands proudly the US, just between superpowers like Portugal and Albania. Behind Canada, almost all Western European countries and other ‘well developed’ countries like Jordan or Bosnia and Herzegovina.
Guess why?
August 19th, 2009 at 9:06 am
i agree with all the people about the disclaimer thing…if my parents came across this by mistake they’d run to the town meetings and yell at our representatives about it. some people (Americans) are really dumb sometimes.
(i do love my country, just not all the people in it)
August 19th, 2009 at 8:25 am
JE SUIS UN DES BOURGUOIS! ON EST SUPERIEURE DE LES CANADIANS ESTIE TANBERNACLE!!! VIVRE LE QUEBEC LIBRE! DEATH TO AMERICA! DEATH TO CANADA
-DEB (department for the Elimination of the Bourgouis) storms.-
DEB unit: “Get down bitch!”
Bourguois: “merde! Non! Vous ne jamai-”
-Ice Leapard roars-
-Delicious cruunchig noises-
DEB squad leader: Target aquired… Shit! Is that a wire?”
-rustling noises-
-static-
August 19th, 2009 at 7:17 am
Oh gods, this is terrible. But I couldn’t stop laughing. Now I”m afraid of how many United Statians may not laugh and intsead point at the screen saying, “You see! You see! I told you so!” Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear…
August 19th, 2009 at 2:43 am
wow thats alot of comments.
August 18th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
needed stitches couple weeks ago
had to wait 8 hours to get em, but didn’t cost anything
and got a whole bottle of tylenol
Kadosh!
August 18th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Voltaire gets his facts from Rush Limbaugh. I’m a Canadian and i can say that every point u made is false. doctors here make over 100K a year, and u have the option of running a private practice and making even more money.
and u think its bad for a govt to make decisions on who lives and dies (i hope u know its not actually like that). there isnt someone who looks at a case and says its not worth it for us to heal u… thats actually what your american insurance companies do. would u rather have a CORPORATION who cares more about the bottom line and a profit than making sure your healthy?!?!?
August 18th, 2009 at 10:02 am
everyone knows hmo is the way to go; pssh like you really need to see a doctor unless something is falling off/about to fall off anyway. Really America (Canada; other respective nations of the world), come on
August 18th, 2009 at 5:06 am
Commanger- I think that most doctors become doctors because they like to help people not because they can make tons of money. But maybe some people do go into medicine for money. I do not know, but that’s a pretty cold reason for going into a job where you (hopefully) save people’s lives.
August 17th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
I remember when Grandpa fell and broke his hip and had to be thrown over the town walls to the ice leopards. Oh well all hail the glorious government of Canada
Kadosh! -pounds fist into hand-
August 17th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
This is a really good satire.
August 17th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Haha… I love how you write, even when your serious you make me laugh. America’s problem is simply this, because of our distinct law system, (meaning we have delved to much into keeping the law, with the whole “It doesn’t matter if I kill my entire family, as long as I have a good enough lawyer!!!” thing) America has really become so utterly boring. Because America is so utterly boring, everyone in America is so utterly bored, and when your bored you’ll do anything, say anything, to entertain yourself. So right when something arises, the first story we hear is the truth, the facts, and we push foward as if the world is going to end tomorrow… cause we’re bored, we don’t want to wait around to investigate it any further. But I do enjoy what you said here, I hope more Americans read it, because right now, we’re a bunch of sissy girls, we worry about something so much we make others worry about it, then eventually we end up almost making it happen, lol.
August 17th, 2009 at 9:02 am
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
That’s the best take on healhcare I’ve ever read. I’m forwarding to everyone I know.
I am suprised, of course, that people believe that people become doctors and are not also in it for the money. Do Lawyers study law simply because they like suing people?
August 15th, 2009 at 11:54 pm
For all the Americans that are afraid of the government paying for your health care, just listen to your friendly Canadian neighbours! It’s not perfect, but it’s a hell of a lot better than the American system.
Kadosh!
August 15th, 2009 at 9:55 pm
you are an idiot if you think that people don’t become doctors for the money
and for the amount of time,hard work, dedication, and money it takes to go to go to med school and be a doctor
100 grand is nothing
it might not be all about the money
but the money has a huge impact
that is to “Will”
August 15th, 2009 at 10:36 am
This was just great. For a moment, I thought that you were going to laugh about the whole concept, but I see that you made a very parcial and realist still frame of the whole Canadian medical system.
BTW, I finally got into line to get a visa to your country
August 15th, 2009 at 7:18 am
Dear voltair,
You said,
“Tell me, is there any reason to go to med school/internships for eight years if at the end of it you’re only paid, say, $50k per year?”
WTF
First all, in Canada docors get well over 100 grand a year. Also you don’t become a doctor to become rich. That is an opinion almost etirely formed out of ignorance. With the time and energy that one has to put into become a doctor it is not about the money. If it was, the potential doctor could, for the same time, effort, and intelligence, make a whole lot more doing something else (even in America).
August 15th, 2009 at 6:53 am
Shouldn’t it be MINISTRY of life?
Department sounds awefully American.
August 15th, 2009 at 1:03 am
I was going to blast this article being Canadian myself, read it, and realized it was godamned hilarious.
August 14th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
I think the whole thing is a fabrication. Canadians in reality eat the older members of their society and wash them down with Molson’s. It’s the Canadian thing to do, isn’t it? Loved the article. thanks
August 14th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Hi Voltaire -
Re: your belief in the powers of competition between Kaiser Permanente and Blue Cross and other private healthcare providers, you imagine they need to provide better healthcare to attract customers. However, they are actually rational profit-maximizing entities, and have found it is more efficient to maximize profits by selling not to individual customers, but to corporate purchasers who then inform employees of which health plan they have. The insurance companies then delay or deny coverage to patients for as long as possible so long as there is no media attention paid, which would decrease their ability to attract the corporate purchasers.
So no, health insurance companies are not competing for customers among the general public. And capitalism is working just like it’s supposed to. It’s just not keeping us healthy.
August 14th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Also, “socialism” only works if everyone is paying a fair amount of taxes. By this I don’t mean “LOLZ LEZ TAX DA RICH LIBERLZ R AWESUM AND ALWAYZ RITE”. I mean more people have to pay in, everyone needs to pay more taxes. Canada is pretty balanced, but we still have serious issues because lets face it, there isn’t enough money to save everyone, we start having to pick and choose.
We’re too bleeding heart in both countries to deal with the simple fact that EVERYONE is going to have to pay SOMETHING whether or not they make 5k a year or 500,000 otherwise, its pretty well doomed. You start taxing the top %’s too much and they go elsewhere, regardless of how much you punish them for being successful.
August 14th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Thats right…switch to our healthcare, then maybe some of our doctors will come back here as they won’t be paid a fair wage there either! I love having surgery done by a guy who’s been on the clock for 16 hours at a time for crappy pay!!
August 14th, 2009 at 11:12 am
Damn, I am going to have to move to Canada. Their health care sounds effective.
August 14th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Well I’m sure if the guy (in the Winnipeg hospital) was dead, he didn’t mind waiting the 34 hours before someone realized it.
HE WAS IN HEAVEN BABY!!!!
August 14th, 2009 at 10:05 am
pressed tab guhh
Amount of people not receiving adequate health care:
American health care: WAAAY too many
Canadian health care: rare occurrence
Example of some fat chick claiming she would have died of brain tumor
OK first of all, BS. Second of all if she didn’t have enough money then going to America for an MRI which she was scheduled for in Canada would have been pointless. Well congratulations you fat bitch, you’re aware that money talks.
August 14th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Let me simplify
Canadian healthcare - American healthcare
August 14th, 2009 at 8:37 am
I thought of a long and accurate response to Voltaire from the viewpoint of a Canadian who knows that system and knows a bit about other systems in other Countries.
Then I thought of a shortcut. Here it is: Reverse everything he says. It works pretty good.
1st paragraph ignore.
2nd paragraph begins ‘Universal’ see above.
3rd paragraph begins ‘And of course’ Doctors salaries might go down otherwise see above.
4th paragraph begins ‘And of course’ . Takes up too much space to reply to.
5th paragraph begins ‘Finally’ In any foreseeable American reform see above.
August 14th, 2009 at 1:21 am
This is a ridiculous situation. Everyone posting here who comes from a country which has national health care, is defending it.
The people without national health care, are condemning it on theoretical grounds.
Theories are all well and good, and act as good models when there’s no evidence available.
My point is, we have first hand experience of a mixed Nationalized and Private sector health service. We’ve seen first hand how it works. We aren’t working on false economic models, we’re working on god damn facts.
In England the VAST majority of people are on the National Health Service. Some decide to go with BUPA or other private companies. Their choice. Still, the NHS’s approval ratings are still sky high; and as for the “market stagnation” argument I heard Voltaire spouting (by the way, nice username, psuedo-intellectual much?) is bull. Whether it’s the government or private based companies paying for medical research, it doesen’t matter. There’s still competition for research grants and prestige, even competition between different medical colleges to be the first to make a break through and therefore attract more students.
On the pharmacutical side, our government still buys its chemicals and medicines like any private company would, so it doesen’t affect competition at all.
August 14th, 2009 at 12:30 am
I don’t believe-x-Files was filmed in canada-and look how that tuned out
August 13th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
While I don’t defend the shitty government system in Israel, we do have government funded basic healthcare besides the private companies. This means a tiny fraction of our tax payer’s money is used to give free healthcare and medicine to whoever needs it, and payer for better “packages” means you get extras like free prenatal care and refunds for meds. It’s not perfect, and not all treatments are included (like some chemotherapeutic drugs), but much better than the horrors of HMS…
August 13th, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Here in New Zealand, we have the best insight of all. You see, back before ‘84, we had the original Socialized Health System “run like a Polish shipyard” (true quote from the Prime Minister of the day!). Although that guy didn’t have the cojones to do anything, the next guys did, and they did the whole Marketized Health System “run like a Yankee whorehouse” (my words, sadly Prime Minister Potatohead didn’t have much in the way of cojones either). And do you know what we’ve proven?
It doesn’t matter who’s running the system. There will always be waste, misallocated resources, and substandard outcomes.
The only reason you’d want to change is if your health system was as comprehensively screwed as the USA’s - particularly if you are unfortunate enough to get sick. And to anyone who thinks the health “market” can be analysed with the same perfect-competition framework we apply to areas like GROCERIES - any assertion along these lines reveals your total economic illiteracy. Go back to high school and try Economics 101.
August 13th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
I love how that in American right wingers get pissed when their government wants to give them healthcare and tax the rich. We’re all fucked because you all care more about bureaucrats than EVERY OTHER PERSON YOU RELY ON DAILY.
It’s like having a shitty boss make you give him a blumpkin. Wake the fuck up.
August 13th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
Man, I’m so glad we don’t have Fuhrer Obama’s Death Panels here!
Instead, we have Cigna’s Eugenics Panels for a Brighter Tomorrow(TM)!
August 13th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
(The man that waited 34 hours in the waiting room at a winnipeg hospital before someone realized he was dead)
August 13th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
I see what you did thar…
August 13th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
Socialized healthcare blows, just ask Brian Sinclair
August 13th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
You cheeky bastard. I see what you did there.
August 13th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
As I would love to point out, a major part of the healthcare reform is to bring the people that don’t have health care uh health care. Now if the people don’t have health care is it really their decision to live or not. Personally I believe that there are times when things should be done for the good of a nation and that does not mean the economy, that means the standard of living of EVERYBODY.
August 13th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Canada’s public healthcare system is swanky. Patients there get *two* Tylenol.
August 13th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
KADOSH!!!
August 13th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Tristan, I’m pretty sure I heard a challenge in there, and I accept. First, I’d like to point out that your argument was neither cogent nor well thought out, and can scarcely be said to be an argument. I’m not even certain your second point was in English. But that’s beside the point.
Universal healthcare is bad not because we will all have to pay for it, and you are right that we already do pay for it, which is insane enough as it is, but, again, that’s beside the point. Universal healthcare would be detrimental to our nation’s overall health, as it were, because the government does not compete. Kaiser Permanente and Blue Cross and other private healthcare providers have to provide better services at lower costs if they want customers. They have to make people want to pay them for their healthcare. If the government were to take over the health industry, even if the government were working ‘alongside’ private companies, the government would still have no motive to lower costs, which means that more and more and more of our taxes would have to go to bureaucracy that becomes exponentially more needlessly expensive over the years, and the government would have no motive to improve the quality of services, and, because increasingly large bureaucracy and the prevalence of fraud in any such government program (the most defrauded health service in the nation is Medicare/medicaid. google it) would cost more and more and continually lower efficiency, the result would be fewer and fewer dollars allocated to actual healthcare.
And, of course, salaries for doctors would also go down. Tell me, is there any reason to go to med school/internships for eight years if at the end of it you’re only paid, say, $50k per year? The reason you invest all of that time and money into your education is to get a high-paying job later on, and if the government were paying the doctors, as I have said, the inefficiencies inherent in government would continually lower their salaries. And so, after a while (I’m not going to give a timeline), there would be no motive to go to med school, and then we’d have no healthcare at all.
And, of course, as our Canuck commentator pointed out, the government ends up making the decision of who gets care and who doesn’t, a decision that should be made only by the family of the sick person. It actually infringes upon our right to life.
Finally, I’d like to point out the idiocy of the idea that the government could work alongside private options. Private options would be destroyed by the much lower cost of government healthcare (actually, the cost is only lower when you hand your credit card to the receptionist, because of the tax increases, but it seems lower), and even if perceptive health customers like me decided to stay with my private health provider, it would still quickly go out of business because it would lose so many customers to the government. Eventually, their costs of treating me would outweigh the premiums I pay, and then they’d either shut down, or worse, the government would bail them out, selling even more of our soul to the Chinese in nice, crisp, US Treasury bearer bonds.
I’m done, finally, and I sincerely apologize to all of the innocents who got sucked into reading my spiel.
August 13th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
So, what I see here is two things. One, the liberals are correct. As usual.
Two, there are a bunch of retards on here that think a government option means we’ll all of a sudden have to pay for healthcare. Only problem with that is that WE ALREADY ARE. So now I get to pay people that I can kick out of office, rather than people who can tell me to suck a tiger’s dick if they don’t feel like paying for my health, despite me funding their damned vacations every month.
Yes, I just called ALL AMERICANS that oppose the UHC “retarded”. Now please prove me wrong by providing a cogent and well thought out argument against a government healthcare option working alongside private options.
August 13th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
While I realize that a canadian accent sounds NOTHING at all like a british accent… why did I start to here John Cleese’s voice as I was reading? Weird.
August 13th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
I have to agree with Ellemar, when I was in Wales I had a bit too much to drink, and then me and this other guy try to go speedboarding down this awesome hill that, unbeknownst to us ended in a dirt road, I fell and ripped up my leg really bad, but one hour twenty minutes later I’m in a hospital, getting stitched up, and its free thanks to my buddy and the NHS! Attaboy Jameson!
August 13th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Ellemar, if you think that you don’t pay for healthcare, you’re an idiot. It’s not free, and governments don’t make money by themselves, so the money comes from somewhere.
get it? …probably not.
August 13th, 2009 at 11:39 am
DO NOT blaspheme Mahlegeth. From your comment “Death to the bourgeois, may the Canadian people be forever free from their nine tentacles of deception” you are obviously moking Mahlegeth and his nine tongues. This has made you a marked man, for the campassion of Mahlegeth knows no bounds, but wraith is even hotter.
But adore or abhore, it means naught. For it is written, “Give nothing and ye shall be Devoured by Mahlegeth. Give your all, and ye shall be devoured by Mahlegeth.” Book of the Glutton 12:3
By the NINE TONGUES: Mahlegeth Slumbers
By the NINE TONGUES: Mahlegeth Stirs
By the NINE TONGUES: Mahlegeth Rises
By the NINE TONGUES: He WILL devour us ALL!
August 13th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Although the subject is interesting, the article is not. Chris Bucholz has a deadly combination of not that good writing, questionable logic, and crappy humor.
Seriously, all his articles are let downs. It brings into question weither this site is actually that good. Seriously, articles by Chris Bucholz seem like they should belong to a knock-off of cracked.com.
August 13th, 2009 at 2:54 am
# Rebecca Says:
August 11th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
At least I could get an abortion easily here in Canada. That’s something I value.
@Ratman: I am too drunk to read and contemplate your entire post, but I will say this: since when are one’s 20s free from the need of healthcare? Sure we don’t need nearly as many hip replacements or heart surgeries, but we need birth control, STI testing/treatment, stitches and casts for the inevitable results of the dumb, unpredictable things we do while drunk and high. And what about the “everyday” stuff like migraine medication or strep throat? Meningitis from living with five people in a three-bedroom apartment? Psychiatric help? A few months ago, I got a nasty UTI (the result of hot twenty-something sex) while out of province and ignored it for as long as possible because I did not have $80 on hand to see a doctor about it. It was probably one of the most painful things I ever experienced, and it wasn’t until I had a high fever and was close to losing consciousness that I dragged my infected self down to the ER (which was, luckily, free, as I was in Québec). If I had waited until I had $80, the infection probably would have spread and fucked my shit up big time. THANK GOD FOR UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE!!!!!!!
THAT’S your reasoning for why we should have universal health care? So everyone can pay for your multiple trips to the clinic cuz you couldn’t keep your legs together?
Please tell me you’re trolling because this is just ludicrous. No matter what, universal health care is going to have to be paid for by a pool of collective money, if part of that money is going towards treatments of your irresponsibility then it’s money that is being taken away from a senior’s back surgery, or a child’s asthma condition.
“The dumb, unpredictable things we do while drunk and high”, this is exactly why universal healthcare is IMPOSSIBLE in the U.S., because of people like you who can’t take responsibility for their own actions when they choose to impair themselves. If you hurt yourself because you were being stupid then take responsibility for it, don’t go around blaming others and expect us to pay for your treatments because you huffed paint and then burnt yourself because you thought it was a good idea to shoot fireworks out of your asscrack.
I’m currently in Denmark right now and the reason socialized healthcare works here is because people take responsibility for their own actions, if you’re doing something stupid then expect to get hurt, just don’t expect other people to pay for your stupidity. Until Americans learn to own up to their own mistakes a collective system will never work, because many of those outspoken hipsters which so fervently support this bill will whine and cry about their “inherent rights” the moment they are forced to wait more than an hour in the ER for a broken hand because they punched a wall when they were drunk.
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August 12th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
I remember when I found out that Americans had to pay for medical anything.
I was reading an Archie comic, and Reggie was lamenting the fact that he had lucked into $50, but then had to pay the doctor for a check up.
8-year-old me though “What the fuck? You don’t pay to go see the doctor, silly!”
Reading another article on here about the untold horrors of childbirth, #1 was “The Bill”. What the fuck? Not only do you have to live with an insufferable, squalling infant, but you have to pay to have the fucking thing?
Americans, please. I know Socialized Health Care is obviously for commies, but give yourself a fucking break.
August 12th, 2009 at 8:44 pm
Last time I checked, the banner at the top of this site said Cracked.com. Humor site, you see. And yes, most humor here is topical and based on current events, but fuckin’ A. If you all want to DEBATE this shit, go to CNN or Fox or whatever website you feel appropriate. Otherwise, laugh it off and if you’re gonna make fun of the other country, can we at least throw in a few maple syrup jokes or a NASCAR crack?
Question: Do you canoodlers watch NASCAR?
I didn’t say this last time, but kudos Bucholz.
The rest of you, FUCKING LAUGH! Laughter is the best medicine anyways.
August 12th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
# lordofthedans Says:
August 12th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Chris! Don’t you see what you’ve done!!! I guaranty you one in five americans who see this will believe every word of this and start sending it by email to all their friends until soon this gets as big as when people thought Obama wasn’t an american citizen. I hate to say it, but most of us are like five year olds, we will believe any insane lie you decide to pump into our minds, just look at the “swine flu epidemic.”
HEY, you and Obama STOP apologizing for America. I don’t care what the f***ing French, English, Canadians, Middle Easterners or any other country thinks about us. Or you for that matter. All these countries kiss our arse for money, inventions and whatever greatness we decide to produce. I don’t care if you are for or against this medical bill. They are going to pass this bill with flying colors.
August 12th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
What I love is all the ridiculous claims that waiting times in Canada are somehow different than those in the U.S.
E.R. wait times.. comparable.
Wait times for appointments for a specialist (depending on the specialist).. comparable.
Trust me, we Americans (or at least us middle class and poor ones), wait just as long as the Canadians.
And I love the claim that the bureaucracy and disorganization of the government is somehow justification for why we should keep healthcare in the hands of companies whose only concern is the bottom line. Yeah, that makes sense.
And, of course, some doctors (especially the rich ones sitting pretty in Congress) are going to have problems with ‘Obamacare’. Supposedly part of the bill is going to outline how they’re going to be even stricter on the cap that they’ll pay out for procedures and such. i.e. doctors won’t be as rich. Still rich, mind you. But not as rich. Poor things..
Cut me a break. Basically any arguments against the Obama plan or “socialized” healthcare comes down to one of three BS arguments.
1.) I don’t want things to change.
2.) I shouldn’t have to pay more taxes (because healthcare for Americans should definitely be less of a priority than some of the current things our taxes are used for…)
3.) Fox NEWS told me so.
None of which are justifiable in and of themselves.
When someone has a real argument (i.e. NOT something they heard Sean Hannity say), then we’ll listen. Otherwise, you can just continue waving your arms uselessly and sending little old ladies to the town hall meetings to look like crazy, shrill, uneducated morons.
August 12th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
US emergency room care is awful….there is no way it could get worse!!!
after having my child I came home from the hospital with a very bad staph infection on my legs. The pain was worse than the labor i had experianced only 48 hours before.
I went back to the same hospital only to wait for 9 HOURS!!!! not only did I wait that long but I had to stand the whole time because it was unbareable to sit down. Finally when a nurse saw me she refused pain meds because i was nursing (I was given percocet while still in the hospital w/ my child so she was full of shit) Anyway I waited 3 more hours for a lab test to confirm the staph and was given an IV antibiotic…thank GOD it wasn’t a necrotizing strain or i’d be an amputee!!! Screw the US health system!!!!
August 12th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
I’m Canadian, and I take pride not only in our better health care but also proper English…
August 12th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
I’m American.. here is my horror story.
I live in the largest city in my state. There are a dozen or more multiple story hospitals here. My husband chose wisely the one he thought would be the least crowded as he lugged me to the ER. I was in so much pain I could not speak, think, breathe, move, much less walk or even sit. Kidney stones moving around will definitely do that to you.
You are first evaluated by a triage nurse who is just standing at a computer on a counter. My husband had to do most of the talking as I fought, hunched over, to remain conscious. There were about 15 people in this ER waiting room, most of them sitting quietly watching the TV, a couple of them coughing, but no one looking seriously distraught.
We waited for 14 hours. FOURTEEN hours. It was roughly 4 in the afternoon when we arrived. My husband fell asleep after about 3 hours of waiting. I sat there going through phases of being in so much pain I literally was preparing to die right there in front of all those people and then being able to breathe and think when the stone would stop moving for a few moments. It was around 5 am when someone finally called my name. There were even people sitting around me saying “Finally! How long have you been here?!” And then, despite how humble and nice my husband and I were after having to wait so long, they were rude to me. Every one of them. The nurse, the doctor, the people who handled my prescriptions and insurance card.
To top things off, I was prescribed Flomax. Lemme tell you a little somethin about Flomax. It’s for priapism first of all, second of all, women should never take it. Female pharmacists of child birthing age aren’t even supposed to touch it with bare hands. But I just went on home and took it like I was told. Three months later I had heart problems and had skipped three periods (had never skipped one since I started at 11). And no.. I was not pregnant. It took nearly 8 months to recover from taking less than 10 flomax pills. They were supposed to help pass the stones. And guess what.. they didn’t. The stones passed months after the flomax was done and past. From drinking lots of water.
I don’t care what kind of heathcare our country gets when it’s “reformed” if ever, anything would be better than how I was treated and handled that day. Next time I think I’ll just tough it out. If you’ve ever had kidney stones before, than you know toughing it out is a BRAVE thing to say.
August 12th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
I’m from the UK. We pay a certain amount of our taxes to the NHS. This gives us GPs, or General Practioners, which is more for ear infections, fevers, small things like that, and hospitals. If it’s an emergency, you go to the hospital, yourself or call an ambulance and they’ll drive you. They also attend accidents and other public problems. If the doctor thinks that it’s serious, they’ll send you straight to the hospital.
Case in point, I fell down a flight of stairs at work. I didn’t think I’d broken it, so I rang the doctor and got in to see him the next day. I wobbled in and was told that I needed to have the ankle x-rayed. Cue twenty minutes drive and a ten minute wait at the hospital (the doctor rang ahead) and I was having it xrayed. The result was negative, it got bandaged up, I was given a spare so I could wear one and wash the other, some meds for the pain and detailed instructions on how to get better.
Perhaps one of the nice things about the UK is that the NHS is always available, especially in emergency situations like a near-to-bursting appendix or gall-bladder. However, if you like you can sign up for BUPA or similar and get healthcare privately too.
On the flip side of course, the NHS isn’t run very well. Politicians insist on throwing money at it instead of reorganising and reassessing it to meet the needs of the new generations. Having had to get private dental care however (where my wallet winces everytime I have to go get a checkup for £25 for five minutes of poking at my teeth.) due to the lack of dentists, I can’t say I’d be able to AFFORD private healthcare.
August 12th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
So is this supposed to be a satire about how crappy socialized healthcare is or about how stupid Americans are? Right now I am leaning more towards the Americans, but it could be both.
August 12th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
# Rebecca Says:
August 11th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
At least I could get an abortion easily here in Canada. That’s something I value.
@Ratman: I am too drunk to read and contemplate your entire post, but I will say this: since when are one’s 20s free from the need of healthcare? Sure we don’t need nearly as many hip replacements or heart surgeries, but we need birth control, STI testing/treatment, stitches and casts for the inevitable results of the dumb, unpredictable things we do while drunk and high. And what about the “everyday” stuff like migraine medication or strep throat? Meningitis from living with five people in a three-bedroom apartment? Psychiatric help? A few months ago, I got a nasty UTI (the result of hot twenty-something sex) while out of province and ignored it for as long as possible because I did not have $80 on hand to see a doctor about it. It was probably one of the most painful things I ever experienced, and it wasn’t until I had a high fever and was close to losing consciousness that I dragged my infected self down to the ER (which was, luckily, free, as I was in Québec). If I had waited until I had $80, the infection probably would have spread and fucked my shit up big time. THANK GOD FOR UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE!!!!!!!
Good god!! If rebecca here decides to bring her traveling crotch circus across the border into the us I hope to god we all have free health care. She is both the for and against example in the festering living flesh. I don’t want to pay for a gin reeking STD inventing walking scar of multiple abortions to go on oozing puss onto all that is moral. But then I don’t want innocents to suffer the smelly green discharge of her wrath either.
August 12th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Jyggalag,
I mentioned puppies and kittens as an analogy of how some people will cite the most sympathetic of examples to make their case for all. Yes in my opinion giving free health care to soldiers returning from war is far different that pulling 3 bullets out of a drug-slinging dirt bag who drives a lexus and yet has not once payed one dime into taxes.
August 12th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Chris! Don’t you see what you’ve done!!! I guaranty you one in five americans who see this will believe every word of this and start sending it by email to all their friends until soon this gets as big as when people thought Obama wasn’t an american citizen. I hate to say it, but most of us are like five year olds, we will believe any insane lie you decide to pump into our minds, just look at the “swine flu epidemic.”
August 12th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Mehfag. very very mehfag.
August 12th, 2009 at 9:52 am
To: nbas
Sure, we have long waits in America. But as you so accurately pointed out, it’s because of triage. The more serious the ailment/injury, the quicker you will be received. That just makes sense. However, as I see I did NOT point this out in my comment, when I was in the German ER for three hours, there were two patients the entire time. Me and the woman that passed out from blood loss. What am I to believe? There was a massive rush of emergencies that tied up every single doctor in the hospital and cleared the ER minutes before I got there? Despite the fact that not a single patient came OUT of the treatment area during the entire wait? It’s apathy, plain and simple. They get paid the same regardless of who or how many they heal. What’s the rush?
August 12th, 2009 at 9:16 am
@To:Mehfag
I appreciate the civility! Of course it is our responsibility to each other to care for one another, I agree completely. But I don’t support the government mandating this. I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but I feel that people should have the freedom to do the right thing, instead of being forced.
August 12th, 2009 at 8:36 am
hahahahaha. funny.
but seriously, private care has the same flaws that a universal health care plan would have. the only excape would to have honest caring people who give a shit running the country and as the doctors. untill that shit happens…never…..we can expect if your not rich and prabubly white, then your fucked either way.
GO AMERICA YEAH!!!
August 12th, 2009 at 8:32 am
Government is that imaginary yet forceful entity which will break your leg, hand you a crutch, and say “See, without government you wouldn’t be able to walk.”
The State is that grand fiction whereby everyone strives to live at the expense of everyone else.
Bottom line: stop believing in Santa Claus.
August 12th, 2009 at 8:11 am
People are acting like WE DON’T HAVE WAITS IN THE US FOR HEALTH CARE. Ever try to go to a emergency room on a weekend at a hospital here?
They will triage things, so if your head’s going to fall off in the next few minutes, they’ll see you quickly… but if you have a non-critical problem, forget it. It can take hours.
You can also wait in the doctor’s office for an hour because the doctor is overbooked.
Isn’t overpriced healthcare so much better than socialized medicine?
The problem is that people like to compare the two, but ignore all the problems inherent in our privatized system.
They both have problems, of course, but the current system will not sustain itself indefinitely, and everyone is saying, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. I have good healthcare. Therefore, everyone else in the US has good healthcare.”
Rigghhttt…
August 12th, 2009 at 6:44 am
I spent three years in Germany, and due to being stationed in a tiny little base next to nowhere, I was forced to go to a German hospital on several occasions.
1) I had food lodged in my esophagus. I could breathe, I just couldn’t swallow. Nothing life threatening, but painful and inconvenient. I sat in a German emergency room for THREE FUCKING HOURS. They don’t have receptionists, so you just have to wait for someone to come out at their leisure. If you have the audacity to stop someone breezing through, or god forbid, knock on a door, they get pissed at you and tell you to wait. So, after regurtitating saliva for three hours, and watching someone pass out from blood loss in the ER (I shit you not), I finally see what I can only assume was a doctor. It was just some guy that didn’t introduce himself or bother with a lab coat. Oh my god, it must have been the German Dr. House! Well, in his brilliance, he referred me to a specialist, who thankfully was upstairs. I had to wait another 45 minutes while he was brought in from a golf course (again, I shit you not). They wanted to perform FUCKING SURGERY on my throat to remove a hunk of steak. But surely, they could just put a tube down my throat and force the food into my stomach, right? Oh no, that could cause damage to my esophagus. Oh, so I guess I’m the asshole for thinking that cutting into my throat with a scalpel would cause damage. I basically said fuck that, and walked out. I went home and drank tea (regurgitating it whole time) until I built enough back pressure to pop the food down.
2) My infant son had an earache and was running a temperature of 104 degrees. He was my first kid and that kind of shit is scary. So we grudgingly brought him to the German hospital. Now, he was born in an American hospital, because I was damned if I was going to have my wife give birth in a room with three other pregnant women. As soon as she went into labor, I drove 80 minutes to the Air Force base hospital. Anyway, when he was born, the ObGyn told us to NEVER under ANY circumstances take the child’s temperature rectally, as we could cause more harm than good since we don’t know what the fuck we’re doing. Hey, sage advice from a pretty damn fine doctor. Works for me. Skip ahead to the German hospital, and the first thing the nurse does is hand us a mercury filled glass thermometer. I look at my wife, she looks at me, we both shrug and place the thermometer under his armpit. The nurse freaks out and tells us to put it “in the bum”. Without even the benefit of lube, by two inexperienced parents. I refused, and did it my way, which still showed a temperature of 104 degrees. Having never even seen a doctor, the nurse looks at his ears and confirms an ear infection. Then she comes back with a prescription for nose drops. You read that right, nose drops. Yeah yeah, I get it, ears, nose, and throat, they’re all connected. But when I have a sore throat, I don’t stick something in my fucking ear. Well, this being Germany, they didn’t have a pharmacy in the hospital. It was 3 o’clock in the morning, so none of the local pharmacies were open. So it was basically, “Here, take this worthless treatment, which you can’t use for six hours anyway, and just go the fuck away.”
Man, socialized medicine is AWESOME.
August 12th, 2009 at 6:29 am
But in seriousness, “socialized” medicine works fine here in the overwhelming majority of cases.That’s not to say that there aren’t flaws, but is anything really perfect?
If there is something moderately wrong with me I just call my doctor (no mystical “middle man”) and get an appointment, there is a waiting period, but only if it’s NOT serious/urgent. If I feel it’s more urgent I either get an appointment the next day, or I can go to something that roughly translates to “doctors on watch” and get it looked at/treated within a few minutes. If need be, I am forwarded to a specialist. If it is an emergency I can call an ambulance (obviously) which might be a helicopter if need be. No matter which of these things I use I only pay a very small personal fee for the use of the service. The rest is paid by “all of us” through tax. They pay for me, I pay for them. There are no “death panels” or things like that. With few exeptions (organ donations and so on) only my doctor(s) decide what treatments I need and get. The care I (fractures, temoborary bleeder), my father (Serious heart condition that has tried to kill him several times), my mother (blod clot induced stroke, early stage cancer) and all the people I know have gotten is absolutely first rate, and we are by no means rich. Luckily, we didn’t have to be.
Now, dental care however, is not “socialized” here, and that is expensive as SHIT! If you get some serious problem with your teeth, oops, there goes this months pay, if it’s really bad, next months too. Also, since dentists earn more, the more they treat, there are some who claim to find holes where there are non and so on.. outside of getting a very expensive second opinion, there really isn’t much you can do to defend against this. Mostly they are good
August 12th, 2009 at 6:22 am
I don’t get Americans. Like 90% of the world has had national health care since the 40’s. You’d think the supposed super power would have got with the programme by now.
And, here in England, it’s been such a success that no politician has ever DARED go against it since it’s conception. Even Maggie Thatcher and her privatization binge of the 80’s left the National Health Service alone, because she knew it was too popular to the voters.
I honestly don’t see what you could have against the idea. If we’re talking about positive and negative freedoms, then surely you must agree that it’s the governments responsibility to enforce restrictions upon our freedom in order to preserve other, more important freedoms. E.g would you rather have the freedom to choose a Docter with a nicer office, or the freedom to live your life and work without the concern of possibly facing a life threatening illness that you can’t afford to pay for?
And over here, in the UK, we still have private doctors, but very few people feel the need to use them. Surely that must tell you something.
August 12th, 2009 at 5:30 am
James, the Senate may have medical doctors that oppose Obama(non)care, but the House has Dr Steve Kagen who backs Obama(non)care with all his heart (or what’s left of it) and the dark area that used to be his soul.
August 12th, 2009 at 5:11 am
Just to give you an example of healthcare-action in Germany from a person who isn’t completly sure how the system works:
I was hungry, so I made myself a sandwich. I bit into it an somehow in the line of production there must have been a evil spirit throwing in small fractures of what hat seemed to me like stones or metal. I heared something crack in my mouth and felt that one of my front teeth was loose. At that point I wasn’t as hungry anymore as you can imagine.
So I googled the next dentist in my area and called up to find out if they would have some time for an “emergency”.
Following that I went to my dentist that was only a few hundred meters away and was treated after waiting 5 minutes in the waiting room. After my dentist actually saved me from looking like someone from england I left the practice and headed back home.
This all seems very pointless, but the truth is that the treatment I received was not only a high standard of quality but also simple!!!
And thats the way it should be. All I ever did was show my compulsory health insurance card before I was waved in by the secretary at the counter.
I didn’t pay; I didn’t wait 6 months and I was treated by someone actually knowing what he was doing.
This may all seem very odd to some of my fellow cracked readers but thats exacly how it should be.
So let me sum up the important points again:
1. Fast (I’d like to use the ward dynamic since a patient with a broken arm can’t be equally important than a guy with an axe sticking in his head)
2. Easy to access
3. FREE!(Yes, I am aware of the fact, that the treatment wasn’t free but presumably 60 million Germans chiped in on this)
Of course your right when you say that this unicorn health care system I’m talking about can hardly be funded by the government due to the fact that it is enormously expensive. But when it comes down to the decision whether one should live (be treated) or die (pay an insurence company more money than the GM rescue package) I think we can all agree that there is hardly any higher priority.
One thing I’d like to mension towards the financial matter of keeping the health care system running is human resources. Presumably the second highest costs in medical treatment next to medicine and equipment. I pretty sure that you can’t substitute doctors or nurses by healers and wizards and Voodoo priests but I do belive you can ensure a running hospital by letting the doctors do what they do best and letting the nurses do what they are asigned to do while having allmost everything else being done by that someone unqualified. Such as you or me.
What I am trying to point out in my broken english is that we here in Germany still have the Draft.
Now why should that have anything to do with anything concerning this subject? Simply because in Germany the draft doesn’t mean defending our freedom in Kandahar. If you are drafted (usually when you turn 18) you have two options. You can go and serve in the military AT HOME for 9 months or do the equivalent time as a civil servant. For most drafties it means choosing the latter because the german army only teaches you bingedrinking and shaving your head. Civil service on the other hand give us guys the possability to drive meals on wheels for the elderly or working in a hospital.
Drafies get paid close to nothing and usually feed of cheap cantine food. The nice thing about the system ist that basically every young man in the country serves his period without costing the government its right arm. I’m not sure on US demographics but I assume you having millions of highschool graduates physically and mentally fit enough to feed sick kids and accompany them while their parents are working. Also paperwork and errands can help out in hospitals.
I spent 9 months of my life doing it and at first I thought it was a pain in the §%*/, but after serving my time, I’m glad I had the chance to do something for others even though the money I earned during my shift hardly pays for a happy meal these days.
August 12th, 2009 at 4:34 am
I thought you were serious until you got to the part about ice leopards. I checked, no such animal.
August 12th, 2009 at 4:23 am
i’m seeing one error with your analysis. it’s pretty glaring, even. you say that joint replacement can be paid for with a pair of levi’s. you haven’t taken into account inflation, which means that now an entire Canadian Tuxedo must be provided for this procedure. That’s a pair of levi’s jean pants, a levi’s denim button down shirt, and a levi’s denim jacket (leather vest optional). aside from this, your insights into the world of Canadian (Canadienne?) health care appear to be comprehensive and accurate.
August 12th, 2009 at 3:57 am
WoooooW~~
I happen to find a hot dating site***M a t c h Coug ar-C o M**Where are many handsome young men hung out and chating with mature rich woman~Now jion us totally free,just have a romantic dating!
August 12th, 2009 at 3:46 am
Some people take this stuff far too seriously.
Anyway,
Hail Canada!
August 12th, 2009 at 3:37 am
Well here in Britain, we get given MRSA superbugs ABSOLUTELY FREE! HELLS YEAH!
August 12th, 2009 at 3:35 am
In my country we have taken the problem of the sickly and unproductive, predominantly children, the elderly and the rich, in our red iron fist and turned into a booming glue industry. Less waste and more revenue for our glorious fatherland. Long live the proletariat!
August 12th, 2009 at 3:29 am
This was stupid and poorly developed. It was perhaps some of the worst drivel ever seen by human eyes.
Ten dollars says it makes it to Glenn Beck before you read this comment.
August 12th, 2009 at 2:32 am
Australian health care consists of bathing infants in beer and if they survive that, they’re bitten by snakes until they either become immune to or one with the poison.
After that, we’re pretty much invincible.
August 12th, 2009 at 2:05 am
This article is in fact a canadian scheme to detect our ennemies inside the US. Those of you who criticize us will can start writing their will waiting for agents of the Canadian World Control Commission.
August 12th, 2009 at 1:50 am
Pah, the Canadian system is barely dipping its toe into social health care. You should get injured in the UK then you will definitely get the best treatment available, it’s just unfortunate that the best is still pretty shit. But we are all about [strictly regulated] choice over here, you can get insurance too if you want to chuck your cash away as the good old National Health Service will get first dibs on fecking about with your injured body before the nice (and probably clean) doctor from the private sector even knows you’re insured. Oh and I’m an NHS Doctor who’s actually at work now, in surgery, doing a job lot appendectomy on three people, with a spoon. It’s a sharp spoon though so don’t worry.
August 12th, 2009 at 1:33 am
I had a huge TL;DR essay comment all typed up, but to spare myself a comment war and to reduce some of the eye cancer on the bottom of the page I just want to say:
Shel, you rock, and the only thing I’d add is that the way things are now, any system would be seemingly bound to fail miserably due to the dire and chronic corruption of the U.S. Government given that most politicians will sign/order anything that “buys” them votes or adds to their warchest of “soft” campaign money.
Nick, i’m sure he’d make a choice………..if he could. Either way, he’ll end up paying for both whether he wants to or not.
TL;DR Essay: Think the U.S. is capitalistic? Bull#%@!, it’s pseudo-capitalism. With enough money, lobbying, and political pressure you can BUY and control the means of production by exploiting the corruption of the government. The problems of today are not necessarily caused by the concepts either socialism or capitalism.
August 12th, 2009 at 12:52 am
Take a look at the Spanish healthcare model…a little slow sometimes, but quite good.
August 11th, 2009 at 11:26 pm
[...] excellent satirical look at Canadian Health Care, courtesy of [...]
August 11th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
KADOSH!
August 11th, 2009 at 11:13 pm
To answer your question MaxInPayne, a Canada is another form of diversity, that is to say it’s an old wooden ship.
August 11th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
Guy below me.
It’s an option. You think it will cost too much? Stick witht he regular. Don’t trust it? Stay with the corporate money grubbers. Plain and simple.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
One of the reasons that unnecessary tests are run is to avoid lawsuits. No doctor wants to be bent over in court when the lawyer’s expert witness wonders why test XYZ wasn’t used to confirm the diagnosis for the 12th time.
Along those same lines, doctor visits cost an arm and a leg in order to help offset the ridiculous cost of malpractice insurance.
Simple tort reform solves those problems real fast.
The two reasons I’m not in favor of a UHC plan in the US are: 1. Our government is pretty incompetent. The gov’t got it’s greedy little hands on the previously untouchable SS, Medicaid and Medicare money to go do other things. Who is to say in 5 years the UHC system will be completely bankrupt?
2. Insurance is a way of preventing yourself from being screwed in case something happens. You can get relatively affordable private healthcare in the states as long if you only want to basically keep yourself from losing all your stuff. UHC doesn’t do that. It’s another way for the gov’t to take money from those who have it and free up some money for those who don’t.
I’m all for health care reform, it’s pretty clear that it’s a broken system. However, I don’t think the country needs (or can afford at this point) to skip over the cheap, keeps the gov’t out of your life plan and go directly to the gov’t (which is incredibly incompetent. Imagine W. Bush being in charge of your health care legislation) option which not only costs a helluva lot more than Dems are letting on, but also opens a can of worms.
If I have a moral obligation to pay for someone else’s health care, do I have to pay for their house/apartment? What about their food? Water? Electricity?
I’d also say that if the gov’t found a way to give basic coverage and charged a nominal ‘fee’ come tax day, I’d be all for it. But it’s kind of backwards to expect the gov’t take money from people in order to give something to others.
When 30% of the population pays no taxes and yet those people are getting most of the benefits, is it too much to ask them to pay out a couple hundred bucks a year?
August 11th, 2009 at 10:49 pm
I believe the fairest form of healthcare would be administered through the drawing of straws or a rousing game of rock, paper, scissors (or more appropriately, “rock, paper, insulin”). “Oh, didn’t get your bypass. Should have played paper … idiot”
To be really fair, “life and limb” procedures would be allocated by a best two-out-of-three match.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:49 pm
Kadosh! Kadosh! Kadosh!
August 11th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
Shel, allow me to completely dissect and counter your arguments by putting it again, but with all references to insurance changed to various ways of describing testicles being put in someone’s mouth
__________________________________
A little bit of honesty here.
Both Canada and the US have problems and cost limits in their current tea bagging system.
The American one’s include:
1. Inability to get affordable tea bagging for preexisting conditions for individual policies. This make’s perfect sense (no joke). tea bagging companies cannot pay out more in health costs than they receive and stay in business.
2. Difficulty in getting affordable balls-in-your-mouth for pre-existing conditions for employees of small businesses. I wasn’t sure about how this worked so I did a bit of research. I apologize for that. All I can say for sure is that it is very, very complex. If you go smoothly from one job to another you’re probably OK. If you’ve got a period of unemployment in there — look out.
3. Co-pays that are heading through the roof.
4. Decisions on sweaty, pube-ridden ballsacks being shoved violently into your oral orifice. made for non-medical reasons on an individual basis by bureaucrats who you call tea bagging company employees. There are no such bureaucrats making individual decisions in Canada.
5. Too many facilities, diagnostic procedures and specialists. If you need surgery, you want it from a doctor who has a lot of experience doing your operation and does it day in and day out.. And just because a test is available, doesn’t mean that it will be good for you. Watch House MD go on about total body scans.
6. The ramping up of all these problems in the US. I think the one that may knock the house of cards over is cheap and secret complete mouth-raping, now at $50,000 and expected to drop to $1000 in a few years. You see private Ball-chugging is based on both sides having the same information.
But what if you have a pre-existing condition that you’ve never been treated for or had any type of diagnosis done. You’re going merrily along and decide to get anonymous DNA testing. And guess what you’ve got a tenfold higher chance of getting cancer 10 years from now. So you make sure you’re enrolled and stay enrolled for the next 10 years, at which point you get paid off by the tea bagging company.
Or let’s say your DNA test shows that you’re unlikely to have a serious condition for years and years. So what do you? You’re less likely to spring for getting a nice, big nutbag plopped right in your whining mouth.
And while health tea bagging companies can survive if they do the cherry picking, it’s hard to see how they can survive without truly ruinous premiums once individuals can make more informed decisions on whether they’re likely to need health tea bagging.
Canada
———-
Rationing at a global level and a refusal to pay anything for treatment outside the system.
The best is example is provincial governments limiting the availability of expensive diagnostic equipment such as MRIs on an out-patient basis. If you’re an in-patient and need an MRI right away you’ll get one right away. If not, you’ll have to wait. As an in-patient, I got an MRI (not needed on an emergency basis) within about 24 hours of my doctor requesting one. This problem is decreasing.
The latest one is whether the government will pay for PET scans. They’ve finally said yes.
What’s interesting is that you can skip the wait for an MRI by popping across the border and getting one done. Even though Canada is a huge country, most Canadians live within a 100 miles of the US border. The price is pretty reasonable.
There’s also a bottleneck for hip and knee surgery but again that’s getting much better.
There’s also a problem with prescription drugs. In my province, the government pays for drugs for people over 65, the poor and those with very, very high prescription drug bills. But they won’t necessarily pay for the newest, most expensive drugs— there’s a formulary that decides what drugs get paid for.
People who don’t fit in these groups have to pay for their own drugs. If you’re employed, a high percentage of the cost may be covered through your employer’s privates being shoved unwillingly into your unsuspecting mouth. If you’re working for McDonalds, you’re out of luck.
However, there is a safety net. In my province, if your actual drug expenses exceed 4% of your household net income, the government will pay the excess.
And finally, if your Department of Life meeting doesn’t go well, you always know that there’ll be a $25 CDN preppaid Tim Horton’s card for you to buy pre-cooked donuts.
_____________________________
As you can see, my infallible argument completely nullifies your statements. good day.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! FUCK YOU BUCHOLZ, YOU SUCK WORSE THAN GLADSTONE IF HE WAS GETTING FUCKED BY SWAIM IF HE WAS SUCKING O’BRIEN’S COCK.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
so i read nearly halfway thru the comments to make sure that i wasnt being repetitive, but i fell asleep. meh.
let me be clear: I AM NOT A CONSERVATIVE. leftists, please do not try to force your false dichotomy upon me.
now to my points:
1) rights come in two forms, natural and positive. natural rights are inherent; you may remember them as the rights to life, liberty, and property. in other words, you own yourself and your things. positive rights are everything else…
by declaring that people have positive rights, such as the right to free healthcare, one corrodes the natural rights. you cannot have both. the cost of free healthcare is owning less of your salary. the cost of going to public doctors is being told what you are allowed to eat. etc. if you believe that you own yourself, you believe in natural rights. a belief in positive rights contradicts this.
2) the American system sucks. so does the Canadian, English, German, etccc…all for different reasons. the main visible problems with the American system are the high costs and the number of uninsured. if you ever took a basic economics class, you understand that in a market (and in the US we do have a market for healthcare, albeit not an unhindered one) these two things go hand in hand; as price rises, demand falls. why has price risen in the US? a simple reason is regulation. health insurance providers are legally bound to cover a plethora of things which many people find unnecessary. but their wants do not matter. millions of Americans choose to not get healthcare because it isn’t affordable, but one of the main reasons it isn’t affordable is because they cannot simply get a lower quality health insurance (which better fits their financial status).
also as a consequence of the regulation, larger companies have the advantage of better being able to spread costs around, hindering competition (which always brings lower prices or better quality).
why else do so many people skip purchasing insurance? the market is poisoned. the tax system encourages businesses to purchase insurance in bulk for their employees (rather than leaving them to purchase it on their own). this is fine and dandy for those employees, but it also causes less resources to be allocated to less wealthy companies as well as private self-employed individuals.
why else does healthcare cost so much? inflation. the American government spends tons on healthcare, and this high demand causes a rise in prices throughout the industry.
3) are we morally obliged to help those less fortunate than us? many would say so. some wouldn’t. this is a choice which rightfully must be left to each individual. “Setting a good example is a far better way to spread ideals than through force of arms,” and the government is the largest force of arms.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
A little bit of honesty here.
Both Canada and the US have problems and cost limits in their current health care system.
The American one’s include:
1. Inability to get affordable insurance for preexisting conditions for individual policies. This make’s perfect sense (no joke). Insurance companies cannot pay out more in health costs than they receive and stay in business.
2. Difficulty in getting affordable insurance for pre-existing conditions for employees of small businesses. I wasn’t sure about how this worked so I did a bit of research. I apologize for that. All I can say for sure is that it is very, very complex. If you go smoothly from one job to another you’re probably OK. If you’ve got a period of unemployment in there — look out.
3. Co-pays that are heading through the roof.
4. Decisions on coverage made for non-medical reasons on an individual basis by bureaucrats who you call insurance company employees. There are no such bureaucrats making individual decisions in Canada.
5. Too many facilities, diagnostic procedures and specialists. If you need surgery, you want it from a doctor who has a lot of experience doing your operation and does it day in and day out.. And just because a test is available, doesn’t mean that it will be good for you. Watch House MD go on about total body scans.
6. The ramping up of all these problems in the US. I think the one that may knock the house of cards over is cheap and secret complete DNA testing, now at $50,000 and expected to drop to $1000 in a few years. You see private insurance is based on both sides having the same information.
But what if you have a pre-existing condition that you’ve never been treated for or had any type of diagnosis done. You’re going merrily along and decide to get anonymous DNA testing. And guess what you’ve got a tenfold higher chance of getting cancer 10 years from now. So you make sure you’re enrolled and stay enrolled for the next 10 years, at which point you get paid off by the insurance company.
Or let’s say your DNA test shows that you’re unlikely to have a serious condition for years and years. So what do you? You’re less likely to spring for medical insurance.
And while health insurance companies can survive if they do the cherry picking, it’s hard to see how they can survive without truly ruinous premiums once individuals can make more informed decisions on whether they’re likely to need health insurance.
Canada
———-
Rationing at a global level and a refusal to pay anything for treatment outside the system.
The best is example is provincial governments limiting the availability of expensive diagnostic equipment such as MRIs on an out-patient basis. If you’re an in-patient and need an MRI right away you’ll get one right away. If not, you’ll have to wait. As an in-patient, I got an MRI (not needed on an emergency basis) within about 24 hours of my doctor requesting one. This problem is decreasing.
The latest one is whether the government will pay for PET scans. They’ve finally said yes.
What’s interesting is that you can skip the wait for an MRI by popping across the border and getting one done. Even though Canada is a huge country, most Canadians live within a 100 miles of the US border. The price is pretty reasonable.
There’s also a bottleneck for hip and knee surgery but again that’s getting much better.
There’s also a problem with prescription drugs. In my province, the government pays for drugs for people over 65, the poor and those with very, very high prescription drug bills. But they won’t necessarily pay for the newest, most expensive drugs— there’s a formulary that decides what drugs get paid for.
People who don’t fit in these groups have to pay for their own drugs. If you’re employed, a high percentage of the cost may be covered through your employer’s private insurance. If you’re working for McDonalds, you’re out of luck.
However, there is a safety net. In my province, if your actual drug expenses exceed 4% of your household net income, the government will pay the excess.
And finally, if your Department of Life meeting doesn’t go well, you always know that there’ll be a $25 CDN preppaid Tim Horton’s card for you to buy pre-cooked donuts.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
bet this ends up on fox news within 24 hours as fact
August 11th, 2009 at 9:16 pm
Great medical care IS available in the U.S.
If you can afford it.
That’s the catch, and its exploited by, for the US at least, insurance companies that will take you to the breaking point to make a buck off of you. Once you become a financial liability for the insurance company, they don’t care if you die (and this has been proven true sooo many times, i.e. some cancer patients).
Perhaps Canada isn’t perfect, or any of the European systems, or anywhere else (but I like Cuba! Look up how theirs works, their government DOES seem to care if you might die).
The rich will always be able to afford a private doctor and the highest care. The point of socialized health insurance is to get the guy on the bottom a modicum of healthcare as well. Yes, you will shell out cash in taxdollars for another person’s healthcare. We would also be expected to do the exact same for you.
Obviously, heavy drinkers or drug addicts should be exempted from the system since they will drain more money per person than someone that isn’t intent on killing themselves. They can find healthcare through their own insane means.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
Of course, this information is available to all Canadians in a series of “Our Heritage” vignettes made by Canada Post - “but Jacques, it’s never been done before!”
August 11th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Fantastic.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Great article, I laughed a lot.
Chris, you remain my favourite columnist.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
The real joke is that some of the readers probably won’t pick up on the fact that this is satire.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:57 pm
@ Kent
1. I would like to see your data.
2. No one’s saying America doesn’t have good medical technology. It’s only that it’s hoarded.
3. No we don’t.
4. I think this goes back to number 2? And you make it sound like sharing the life saving medical research is a BAD thing. I kinda thought saving lives, ALL lives, was the point of being a doctor. Guess I was wrong.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
@Penopticon
Funny that you say we don’t understand how it works in Canada, and then you proceed to parade your vast ignorance of how it works in the US… making up some wacky fabricated claim to try and lend credibility to your ignorant, lie-filled claims.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
Fun facts for the Canucks.
1) Americans have higher survivability from treatable diseases than Canadians.
2) Canadian politicians come to the US for healthcare when their life is on the line. Nobody in the world, let alone Americans, would actually choose Canada over the US when they wanted to get the best possible care.
3) More Canadians die from poor-quality healthcare as a percentage of population, than the amount of Americans die in the US from lack of healthcare.
4) The reason that healthcare in the US is more expensive is because the US is the world leader in medical research. We spend the most out of everyone to develop new drugs and procedures… that everyone else uses. We are subsidizing the healthcare of other countries essentially, because they only pay fixed costs to physically make/manufacture or appropriate the end result of OUR research, thus side-stepping the major costs.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
Nice article.
I’m counting on reform. Without it I could die. My shots cost $9,000/month w/o insurance, and I have a “pre-existing condition.” People opposing reform almost universally have health insurance. I’m metaphorically swimming from the sinking ship, and people opposing reform are practically rowing past me, in their giant lifeboat, and saying “fuck off, you can swim.” I won’t be checking back every few seconds for a response, so if you don’t like what I have to say, you can just go tell someone else all the regurgitated bullshit your parents said.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
what is Canada?
is that like a cheap rip-off of America?
August 11th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
Universal healthcare in America sounds like a horrible idea.
The last thing we need is stronger and healthier American warriors.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Jam, ratman, you are both retarded. I’m canadian, and our system is better. here’s why you’re wrong:
Jam,
Of course if your ailment is serious, like third degree burn/heart failure serious, you get treated IMMEDIATELY in Canada. Doctors don’t work on first-come first-serve all the time in a Canadian hospitals. If you’re waiting to get surgery, you’re waiting because someone needs it more than you. I’ve sat with a broken collar bone in emergency for three hours because a chef walked in missing three of his damned fingers just when it was my turn. I only stopped to ask him what restaurant he worked at, I was okay with him skipping me. I just packed some snow on it.
Ratman,
I am also American. (cool, huh?)
Every single non-retarded american who does not have health insurance, takes that risk because they cannot afford it. So the next time their little, poor, american kid gets hit in the face with a stray 9mm from a drive-by, they have to wear a f***ing bicycle helmet to cover the missing chunk of their skull. (details are shaky, but it happened) Everyone needs healthcare because everyone needs to not be dead or crippled as much as everyone else. Saying otherwise just helps more people to see how stupid you really are. OH, and if it’s money you’re lacking for this health-care, maybe you can borrow some from all those guys shelling out on “defense contracts”.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
@ jam
U, there’s no waiting list for such emergencies here. At all. If you come in with those, the only waiting you’ll be doing is regular emergency room triage.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:20 pm
By the way. I don’t oppose health care reform. I just put some other stuff out there please don’t turn me in to the snitch line.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
I think a lot of people who haven’t experienced a health care system provided for the government, such as Canada’s, cannot fully understand how it operates. Many people believe Canada’s health care to be slow or substandard compared to free market health care. If a man walks into the emergency room in Canada holding his severed arm and there are 50 people with the flu who were there before him he will get served first and have his arm put back on(if possible). whereas in the US if a man were to do the same he may get treated immediately however it would cost him thousands of dollars to have his arm put back on, and if he didn’t have the funds they would merely stitch his wounds and stop the bleeding. I understand it this way because my aunt is a nurse in the states who has full coverage there, however those who don’t have insurance are SOL. The one true problem with Canadian health care or government health care in general is that people take advantage of the availability and that’s what slows down the system much like the aforementioned 50 people in emergency with the flu who are draining the funds. I have no complaints about the quality of care in Canada either, i broke an ankle, saw three doctors on more than one occasion during the healing process, was put in a cast in less than 30 minutes and never paid a cent. I wouldn’t have any problems if i were an American citizen who was insured, however that’s not the issue the issue is the millions of people who don’t have shit that would likely die or have a much higher risk of disability if they were to be injured or become ill.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
At least I could get an abortion easily here in Canada. That’s something I value.
@Ratman: I am too drunk to read and contemplate your entire post, but I will say this: since when are one’s 20s free from the need of healthcare? Sure we don’t need nearly as many hip replacements or heart surgeries, but we need birth control, STI testing/treatment, stitches and casts for the inevitable results of the dumb, unpredictable things we do while drunk and high. And what about the “everyday” stuff like migraine medication or strep throat? Meningitis from living with five people in a three-bedroom apartment? Psychiatric help? A few months ago, I got a nasty UTI (the result of hot twenty-something sex) while out of province and ignored it for as long as possible because I did not have $80 on hand to see a doctor about it. It was probably one of the most painful things I ever experienced, and it wasn’t until I had a high fever and was close to losing consciousness that I dragged my infected self down to the ER (which was, luckily, free, as I was in Québec). If I had waited until I had $80, the infection probably would have spread and fucked my shit up big time. THANK GOD FOR UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE!!!!!!!
August 11th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
Just to clarify, there are some badass aerospace countries out there. Just saying that the “US is stupid” quip that some people love so much is more than a little unfounded. Every place in the world has idiots. Not every place in the world has brilliant engineers, entrepreneurs and buisnessmen.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
American health care is not great. that is no reason to jump in and try and renovate the system with no planning or forethought other than “all americans need healthcare”.
I like how someone said in america 1 in 5 people believe the sun revolves around the earth. Just to inform you, one of America’s leading industries (aside from medical breakthroughs) is aerospace. Boeing? Lockheed Martin? NASA? ringing any bells? so yeah you are probably right americans are just a bunch of dumbshits who happen to lead the world in some the most challenging and innovative industries. that sure doesn’t say much for the rest of the world, does it?
August 11th, 2009 at 7:59 pm
@ratman
Chill dude, this is a satire…I repeat a SATIRE.
Awesome article though, kudos.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
hahah I enjoyed the article.
Serious note: I hate how everyone acts like our health care system is perfect, when it is nowhere near. Sure, it comes at no cost if you can wait. My mom needs a vital surgery and is finally going in on Thursday after waiting five months. My brothers leg surgery is going to take six months or so to happen.
We have a long way to go yet. Free (well, paid through government funding and taxes) =/= good.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:40 pm
In the United States, doctors take an oath that say they have to treat you immediately in Emergency situations, such as 3rd degree burns from a house fire, so in Canada this would be bad, hence the waiting list. If you have insurance in America, then you would probably pay little for yourself. Now, if it is something like a broken pinky, and could be waited a while for, then it would be better in Canada. Although I am in favor of America’s health care system, neither of them better than the other. M’kay guys?
August 11th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
This was phenomenal. Well done, Bucholz.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
if cracked was a video game i think CB would be the last boss. great article as always. Kadosh!
August 11th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
So before we go rant on how America needs healthcare, lets think just for a moment.
WHY DOES EVERY SINGLE PERSON DESERVE EVERY SINGLE THING?
Why can’t Americans earn their own healthcare instead of demanding others to pay for it for them? What incredible disadvantage has our evil, uncaring government and public sanitation programs left us with?
We are not facing a global crisis. Most of those without health insurance either do not really need it (in general) or set aside money in savings accounts to deal with the costs. A large majority of the uninsured fall in the 20 something age group, the healthiest years of one’s life. Ironically, 20 somethings realize this and decide not to purchase health insurance.
HR 3200 calls for a health committee (board of decision makers) to oversee public health care. If you read the bill, the commissioner of said committee has almost absolute power. The power to review and decide cost and cost efficiency, benefits, rates, and coverage. This committee will have the power to rule out life-saving treatments and new medical advances in treatments. In times of crisis this committee will have to choose who receives what care and who does not. The bill restricts what doctors you can see and when you can see them. Where is personal freedom and right to choose? HR 3200 calls for the end of private healthcare within five years of its initiation. Will Americans start seeking treatment out in Canada, like Canadians and other citizens from other countries using single payer health care have?
Before we further discuss out how much we desperately need the love of an omnipotent always caring government, remember the government’s spending caused an 11 trillion dollar deficit.
So before we proclaim how the poor, sick, and dying Americans need a universal coverage, maybe we should look at who were told “should” be providing that care. If you are comfortable with a group of people who can not control their spending controlling your health, great!Now, see how that works for you, but do not endanger my health and my life and my prosperity for your socialist wet dream.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Screw health care we need to start using the Canadian satire model.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
Canada is an elaborate satire invented by French surrealist Marcel Duchamp.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
I highly enjoyed the satire, but felt that this was a wasted opportunity to input a few more facts on the issue. Either way, kudos.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
@ loveable
I bet Rock did at first.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
I honestly wonder how many readers will take this article seriously?
August 11th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
@Nick - lol!!!
And even if you do pay, you don’t get a remote control. Imagine having to lean forward to change channels. It’s just not civilized - we should start a petition.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:38 pm
@Nerill
It is better to be alive and bankrupt than be dead.
@ LibertarianSince2003
I agree
@LibertariansAreAholes
Usually that is the case, but not always. North Korea does not look for the betterment of its society for instance. I believe that we should attempt to decrease the cost of healthcare, not increase the coverage. I agree that this should be handled on a local scale, if at all.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:38 pm
Hey, Rock? EVERYONE gets that high quality health care. It matters not where the “random ball of Canadian Chance” lands. Citizen? Health care. Cancer? Surgery. You won’t get a prvate room unless you pay extra, yeah. But you do get the best care itself. Though we ARE rallying for our government TV. If I’m in a hospital it’s my RIGHT to have free TV! I shouldn’t have to PAY for the TV!
August 11th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
No goverment is a benevolent entity.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
@Rockstone - oh, I get it now - sorry. It’s better to be alive and bankrupt than alive and still able to keep your house and feed your family. Yes, that makes perfect sense. I am red faced in embarrassment by not understanding your argument.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:22 pm
@Rockstone
Forgive me for generalizing. I was not talking specifically about the federal government healthcare; many states do have a public healthcare system, these are usually restricted to the poorest people. I do believe this should be more widespread, with everyone at least having access to affordable healthcare, which is not the case right now.
Also, when I said the government was a benevolent entity, I mean that their actions and policies are intended for the betterment of society, rather than purely making a profit. It does not always yield the most efficient results, but at least their actions are not dictated purely by self interest.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
[...] How Socialized Health Care Works in Canada | Cracked.com [...]
August 11th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
@Nerill
Yeah, guess what?
THEY still get treatment. If you are having a heart attack, you are treated, then billed later. But YOU are still treated.
In Canada, it is illegal to pay your doctor, even if Canada denies your service.
In the USA, you can bypass an insurance company that denies you. Bankruptcy is better than death.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:13 pm
Hmm, the random ball of chance? My case is typical, actually - I happen to know many Canadians who have benefited from Canadian Health Care. However, let’s give your argument some credence - for arguments sake. Let me try to make this less obscure than I had previously mentioned. MILLIONS OF AMERICANS HAVE NO CHANCE AT ALL IF THEY ARE POOR AND HAVE NO HEALTH CARE!!!!! Hope I wasn’t too subtle there.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
um i have no opinion on anything ever usually, but i liked the part about “spraying the verbal equivalent of diarrhea all over each other as they try to frame the debate.” as that is pretty much what all extremists do
August 11th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
Far to subtle satire for my fellow mouth breathing, moronic, American. Something as complex as healthcare reform is far too complicated for a citizenry where 1 in 5 believes that the Sun revolves around the Earth. You have to assume that when that many people still believe in a theory that was repudiated in the 17th century, that they are far too stupid for words.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
Hey Nerill, I’m glad YOU were lucky, but not everyone is.
All depends on whether the random ball of Canadian Chance gives you a nice fortune or not.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
@Previous comment.
I’m not a Libertarian, I am a Conservative (well, a few Libertarian ideals, but not much).
Anyway, the Government is not a benevolent entity. The government is the problem, not the solution.
Public Education, infrastructure and other services that you have mentioned are local, not national. There is no national law stating that a public school system must exist in the USA. However, local and state laws create these school districts. Infrastructure is usually funded by the City, NOT the country. This is how it should work.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Hey Rock, bullshit! I have stage four throat cancer (a smokers cancer by someone who never smoked). Within days of seeing my GP (who I saw the same day I called) I had a specialist appointment and within a 14 days I was scheduled for surgery by one of the best in the world!!! I’m alive and well now and my family is NOT destitute as a result. Oh, did I mention MILLIONS of Americans don’t have health care!
August 11th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
I’ve read a lot of arguments from libertarians that say that not everyone has the Right to health care, and government intrusion on any part of the private sector is inherently bad.
What you fail to acknowledge is that profit seeking private healthcare is also flawed.
Unlike the government, which is a benevolent entity, insurance companies are faceless corporations with zero accountability and absolutely no regard for anything other than profits. It is in their best interest to take your money and NOT pay off when you DO get sick, and they can cherry pick the lowest risk people to increase profits. So my parents, who are healthy but in their fifties, couldn’t get individual insurance if they lost their jobs. I don’t think I need to reiterate that that ain’t right.
Theoretically, free market competition would force these companies to provide good services at a fair price. But health insurance has become a billion dollar industry controlled by an oligopoly which can now manipulate the market.
Rather than admit that the private system has serious flaws, it is easier for you to dismiss government healthcare as infinately worse than the private sector could ever be.
Because you’re libertarians and have ridiculous ideals, (i.e. government hinders growth under any circumstances, nevermind that government funds infrastructure, public education (which ensures a strong, productive work force), and other services that are absolutely vital to a strong economy) you shoot down any sound arguments by standing by your theoretical ideals while sounding intellectual and pompus as hell.
You’re all assholes.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
How many Canadians have high quality Health Care? None.
How many Canadians can bypass the government if it refuses treatment? None.
How many Americans have high Quality Health Care? A fair amount.
How Many Americans can bypass the insurance companies if they refuse treatment? ALL OF THEM! (Sure, they might go bankrupt, but that is the lesser of the two evils)
August 11th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Oh, for fuck sakes. Guess how many Canadians don’t have health care? ZERO!!!!
Guess how many US of A citizens don’t have health care? A NUMBER GREATER THAN OUR ENTIRE COUNTRY!!!!
Great article Buc. How can a democratic nation (a super power no less) not provide for millions of its people?
August 11th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
“Kadosh” made me laugh and spit all over my screen.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
“Shel Says:
August 11th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
** A Modest Proposal **
I suppose I should be grateful that there are people who aren’t sure if Bucholz’s article is an accurate description of the Canadian health care system at work. Better that than assuming it is true.
It isn’t. It is an over the top satire. It should have been sufficiently over the top that it should not have been taken seriously by anyone It’s written in the spirit of Gulliver’s A Modest Proposal (try wikipedia).
snip…………
….,start ignorance by Shifty’sdad
Shel, Shel, Shel. May I explain something to your unemployed ass?
Cracked is a humour site, it is meant to be funny, not factual. No shit it’s satirical. You’d have to be an idiot to believe this stuff.
Now, I think I can answer why you re unemployed: did you google A Modest Proposal yourself? Because it does not mention a certain “Gulliver”, but a Jonathan Swift.
Next time you try sounding smart, try a bit harder. I heard this works well in interviews, too.
………..end ignorance by Shifty’s Dad.
Wow, a chance for a flame war. That comment dates me, I’m sure.
First, I actually read a lot of the comments before posting. A lot of people seem to believe that this was NOT a satirical article, hard as this is to believe. I’m certainly not the only one to point this out.
Bucholz’s article wasn’t written ex nihilo. Don’t worry, we’ll wait while you look that up. An innocuous idea by a Republican senator to pay for voluntary end of life counseling once every 5 years became forced euthanasia and death panels for Down’s syndrome children in the mouths of the wicked on TV and the internet.
And this wickedness was believed by the ignorant (not necessarily an insult here) and the wicked and repeated over and over and over again. To use your word “idiots”, there are an awful lot of idiots out there who think this is the straight goods.
So along comes Bucholz. He puts a Canadian socialist spin on the death panels… and people…sadly believe it. I think more from what’s confirmation bias than anything else. So your score is 0 out of 10.
Second, about Gulliver’s A modest proposal. Mea culpa, mea culpa , mea maxima culpa. We’ll wait again. My problem was mixing up the author Jonathon Swift with the protagonist of his most famous writing, Gulliver’s Travels.
Of course, if you think about it, there’s no way I could have looked up “A modest proposal” on the internet or found it without knowing about it in advance, which I did.
So unlike you, my scholarship is correct… I just made a small spelling mistake. I’ll give you 2 out of 10 for catching my error. But you lose a point for pointless pedanticism.
Now we have to grade you on the American university grading scale. I’ll be generous and use the Harvard model. Congratulations on your A-
Ta ta.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Once I saw the words “Canadian Department of Life” I remembered I was on a comedy site xD
August 11th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
Next time the topic of canadian health care comes up i will answer by saying the system is perfect, later screaming KADOSH! and placing my fist against my hand palm.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
A friend of mine (42 years old) went into a Toronto-area ER about 18 months ago, complaining of chest pains. The hospital staff refused to do anything other than hook him up to an ECG for 20 minutes and book an appointment for two weeks later to do a “proper” workup.
He went home, disappointed with the quality of care he received in comparison to the quality he was able to access when he lived for a few years in America. Before the the next sunrise he was dead.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
Your satire was too subtle…I thought you were Canadian not English.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
I would find it funny, but even though only a fraction of it is true, it’s still too horrifying. Our system down here is clearly broken, largely from bureaucrats (often called Congressmen) establishing thousands of mandates, price controls, etc. Still, though, if I needed some emergency procedure, I could get it. A friend of mine got some insane, 50000 dollar heart procedure done so she could function normally, something that simply would not happen in Canada unless you were someone important. America not only has higher survival rates from virtually everything and far more access to just about ever machine, drug, or procedure, without long waiting times, but we also come through with several times more medical breakthroughs a year than every other country in the world combined. If America adopts the Canadian, or British, or whatever system, EVERY country will be screwed.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
The united states is the leader in medical science and breakthroughs. I wonder why?
August 11th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Nice article. inspired me to do some research on the topic, so next time it comes up in coversation i can provide valuable incite on the topic, and have it drained out by the yelling of the radicals on the right and the left.
also could’ve sworn Canada had annexed Burma. the more you know i guess.
August 11th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Way to get the debate rolling Bucholz. It’s pretty much the same in Britain. Except all life/death debates are decided by the pickled brain of Churchill. It’s in a jar atop the Tower of London, just down from the Crown Jewels.
August 11th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Wow, a subtle satire. That’s (unfortunately) rare these days. Good job.
August 11th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Maybe you’ve been working for Americans too long. I think you meant to say “Ministry of Life” and “Ministry of Facts”. Good article.
August 11th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
You do realize that Fox News is going to seize this and take it for the gospel, riiiight? /sigh
August 11th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
“Shel Says:
August 11th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
** A Modest Proposal **
I suppose I should be grateful that there are people who aren’t sure if Bucholz’s article is an accurate description of the Canadian health care system at work. Better that than assuming it is true.
It isn’t. It is an over the top satire. It should have been sufficiently over the top that it should not have been taken seriously by anyone It’s written in the spirit of Gulliver’s A Modest Proposal (try wikipedia).
Like all good satire, there is some truth in it. Just like the American ’system’ there are controls in the Canadian system over spending and there are horror stories.
But the Canadian problems are NOT because of bureaucrats making individual decisions as described in the article. In my entire life, I’ve never had any contact with health care bureaucrats. If anything, the spending problems in Canada are on a global basis.
It is the United States that has the bureaucracy that controls individual treatment. You’ve just got a funny name for them — health insurance adjusters.”
Shel, Shel, Shel. May I explain something to your unemployed ass?
Cracked is a humour site, it is meant to be funny, not factual. No shit it’s satirical. You’d have to be an idiot to believe this stuff.
Now, I think I can answer why you re unemployed: did you google A Modest Proposal yourself? Because it does not mention a certain “Gulliver”, but a Jonathan Swift.
Next time you try sounding smart, try a bit harder. I heard this works well in interviews, too.
August 11th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Hi from Manitoba
The government gives me free pills and free shrinks because it thinks I’m crazy. Shh don’t tell them otherwise, the shrink alone costs $130 a week, way more money than I’ll ever see. I’m pretty sure that with the cigarette tax, however, they’re almost breaking even.
ps, SHHHH
August 11th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Hmmmm… I like the satire. I still think the article shows in a hyperbolic way the terrible, terrible things that can happen with socialized care.
August 11th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Penny Says:
August 11th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
The scary part is that 80% of your US readers will believe every single word of this.
If you’ll excuse me, Nantuck is waiting in the igloo with our Molsons. The Hour is on in 5 minutes.
Typical Eastern Canadian.
Not all of us live in Igloos. Out here in Alberta we’re civilized enough to live in log-cabins. We actually couldn’t live in igloos, or they’d be destroyed due to moose stompings.
I heard in Saskatchewan they don’t live in houses. They just shoot ducks all day.
August 11th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Americans love to bitch about the high price of pharmaceuticals in America compared to other countries. The main reason for that is the high price companies get paid to pass a drug through the FDA. Companies spend millions of dollars to get medications approved. The same people will get outraged when a drug turns out to have a harmful side effect. They will scream and shout for lawsuits and rail at the FDA for not keeping them safe. Pick one. Whichever one. Just pick one
August 11th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
I’m in Australia.
I could walk into a doctors office, have a little chat in his medical room about nothing in particular, get my ‘toby was too sick to work yesterday’ certificate, and walk out all in about 10 minutes.
All for freeeeeeee.
And if I fractured my hip again, from all that excessive sex, I could goto hospital and get it fixed. For freeeeeee.
No wonder all the asians come here! Tightass heaven!
August 11th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
The scary part is that 80% of your US readers will believe every single word of this.
If you’ll excuse me, Nantuck is waiting in the igloo with our Molsons. The Hour is on in 5 minutes.
August 11th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
[...] How Socialized Healthcare Works In Canada – Lighthearted satirical article above, epic flame war of apocalyptic proportions in the comments below. Viva dichotomy! (Cracked) [...]
August 11th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
horray for ARI!!!
kadosh!
August 11th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
hey shel, why the hell is my tax money paying for your unemployed ass to post on cracked? hit a call center they’re always hiring - jobs aren’t supposed to be fun.
August 11th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
HAHAHAHA SHORT WAITING TIMES! That one really tickled me. Here in Canada we enjoy waiting till we’re almost dead for a surgery that is required for us to continue living. Though the wait can sometimes be by-passed by raising an enormous stink in the media. Also, walk in clinics = you wasting a good hour or so, don’t bother unless there is something really wrong with you
August 11th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
It’s pretty sad that people can’t recognize satire. On the other hand, we wouldn’t want anyone to mistake cracked for McSweeney’s.
August 11th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Great article. I worry that some though have taken the article to politically; it’s meant to just be wacky or a hyperbolic satire of American nightmares; not an actual comment on Cdn Medicare.
Y’know it’s sad that the below discussion still features more actual discussion than the health care debate playing out on television…
August 11th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
** A Modest Proposal **
I suppose I should be grateful that there are people who aren’t sure if Bucholz’s article is an accurate description of the Canadian health care system at work. Better that than assuming it is true.
It isn’t. It is an over the top satire. It should have been sufficiently over the top that it should not have been taken seriously by anyone It’s written in the spirit of Gulliver’s A Modest Proposal (try wikipedia).
Like all good satire, there is some truth in it. Just like the American ’system’ there are controls in the Canadian system over spending and there are horror stories.
But the Canadian problems are NOT because of bureaucrats making individual decisions as described in the article. In my entire life, I’ve never had any contact with health care bureaucrats. If anything, the spending problems in Canada are on a global basis.
It is the United States that has the bureaucracy that controls individual treatment. You’ve just got a funny name for them — health insurance adjusters.
August 11th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
*** No satire warning ***
The American and Canadian system each has its own problems and successes.
I’ve had two surgeries in Canada.
One was scheduled a couple of months in advance for a chronic disease. Unusually, I didn’t need the surgery because of any symptoms or immediate concern but because of the results of CT scan. So the waiting didn’t matter to me. The surgery was performed using the very latest and best laproscopic techniques available anywhere by a surgeon who used this technique every day.
After the surgery, I was kept in hospital until I pooped which indicated everything was fine. Under the American system and DRG’s I would have been out of the hospital on a certain day whether or not I had pooped.
The other was done on an emergency basis and involved gaming the Canadian system. I was in the US on business and was treated abominably at one the world’s best hospitals in the Boston area. I showed up in their ER four times in 3 days. They missed a rare but well known condition that would require immediate surgery.
On my 4th visit, they finally knocked me out and determined that I needed emergency surgery but wouldn’t do it any earlier than the next morning.
My brother the Canadian doctor wasn’t sure if I would be covered for surgery in Boston (It turned out I had gold plated out of Country insurance from my employer). He was also pissed because of how I had been treated.
So he called around and lined up a Canadian neurosurgeon who would operate the next morning if I showed up in his hospital with my MRI scan. That’s not standard procedure. I flew home in an air ambulance and went directly (bypassing admissions) into surgery.
Clear negligence by one of the world’s best American hospital but American lawyer refused case because I’d flown back to Canada for surgery.
So here it is in a nice nutshell. Money matters in the United States when it doesn’t in Canada. You can always find horror stories even at some of the world’s best hospitals. There’s often longer waiting times in Canada. Sometimes that doesn’t matter. Canadian surgeons tend to do more of the same operations, which is good for patient outcome. After surgery, Canadian patients are less likely to be sent home too early. And it is possible to game the system in Canada if you’ve got connections.
Overall, I think the Canadian system is better. Right now as I’m unemployed, the Canadian system is definitely better.
August 11th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
J.D., August 11th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
“Wait, was he being sarcastic about how great Canadian health-care is? or was he satiring the people (like Sarah Palin) that say that Canadian healthcare sucks, therefore making it a double-negative and saying that Canadian healthcare is good?”
The 2nd one there. Canada’s healthcare is actually pretty good, however I’m not sure how a socialist-style American health care plan would work.
The reason I’m not sure how it would work is because those with medical professions (pharmacists, drug company employees, doctors) in the US are paid ridiculous amounts of money in comparison to in Canada. Don’t get me wrong, being a doctor will still make you lots of money in Canada–much more than your average Joe–but in the US it’s to the point where it’s no longer maintainable IMO.
August 11th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
There are two medical doctors who are members of the US Senate. They are the biggest critics of Obamacare.
August 11th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
inb4 CavalierX espouses irrational jingoistic tirades and theories from the Cold War that don’t account for inevitable social change and upheaval.
August 11th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
“Kindahuge” did you know that calling people “nigger” is a great way of losing creditablity and making yourself look like a dick.
just thought you should know.
August 11th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
correction
http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/hcs-sss/index-eng.php
August 11th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
for the straight facts…
http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/hcs-sss/index-eng.php-canadian health act
August 11th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Wow! Some people have really bought into the insurance company propaganda.
Anyway, just because some of you have a job and affordable health care through your work, you can logically infer that everyone who has a job has affordable health care. It makes perfect sense to anyone who hasn’t taken any sort of logic class. Also, one must assume that if medical premiums are low for a single, 20-something person, that everyone over the age of 40 has cheap premiums, too I like this logic!
What cracks me up is that the insurance industry actually believes the US economy can maintain 10-20% increases (probably a conservative estimate - at least for some people) in health care costs each year.
If it turns out that most Americans think that we should leave “well enough alone,” then America shouldn’t get too upset when the economy finally collapses from health care costs… just in time for the current batch of 20-somethings to be needing that health care!
August 11th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
As someone who lives in what any american would caracterise as a socialist country i would like to set a few things straight:
In Denmark [where I live], the percentage of the GDP used on healthcare is 8, in the USA it is 15,3 %, while danes are expected to live longer - and it is financed through taxes…. And for everyone - and while the danish system does not work perfectly i have many relatives who has profited from a system where everyone gets their share of health care… [I haven't been sick yet, but when i get sick, it will not wreck my economy, though I am a student, whithout much cash....]
Just my 2 cents…
August 11th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
I smoke and drink. I have overdue video rentals from the years before pirating movies was easily accessible. I don’t have a university education, nor do I vote regularly. I do, however, own a thesaurus. I think I’m still fucked if I move to Canada.
@)—–
August 11th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Wait, was he being sarcastic about how great Canadian health-care is? or was he satiring the people (like Sarah Palin) that say that Canadian healthcare sucks, therefore making it a double-negative and saying that Canadian healthcare is good? Eh, either way, good article.
August 11th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
What a fucking, ignorant, shut-in, jealous tool. LOL.
August 11th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Voting for this guy http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1292175/ to play Captain America (how sweet is that). He’s in talks with Marvel now… eh!
August 11th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
J.T. … You’re dumb. Sorry, there just isn’t any other to say it. Let’s take your example of an appendectomy.
I had my appendix out in January. I went in complaining of severe stomach pains. Within an hour I was examined by a doctor. They took some blood, did some work ups, etc. They came back a couple hours later and said I needed to get a CAT scan. Sure thing. Went and got that, waited for a bit. They came back and said I needed an appendectomy. Great. A few hours later I was in surgery.
All told, it took 30 hours from the time I walked into the hospital till the time I walked out, sans appendix. Every single member of the staff that I dealt with was great. They were kind, considerate, respectful, professional, and highly competent.
Total cost to me: $13 for 30 T3s.
You pay more per capita for healthcare than we do, and your sucks ass. Ours rocks. Enjoy your fail.
August 11th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
A few snippets from Slaughterhouse 5, a novel it seems quite a few commenters here should read.
“America is the wealthiest nation on Earth, but its people are mainly poor, and poor Americans are urged to hate themselves. To quote the American humorist Kin Hubbard, ‘It ain’t no disgrace to be poor, but it might as well be.’ It is in fact a crime for an American to be poor, even though America is a nation of poor. Every other nation has folk traditions of men who were poor but extremely wise and virtuous, and thereforre more estimable than anyone with power and gold. No such tales are told by the American poor. They mock themselves and glorify their betters. The meanest eating or drinking etstablishment, owned by a man who is himself poor, is very likely to have a sign on its wall asking this cruel question: ‘If you’re so smart, why ain’t you rich?’ There will also be an American flag no larger than a child’s hand - glued to a lollipop stick and flying from the cash register.”
“Americans, like human beings everywhere, believe many things that are obviously untrue,… . Their most destructive untruth is that it is very easy for an American to make money. They will not acknowledge how in fact hard money is to come by, and, therefore, those who have no money blame and blame and blame themselves. This inward blame has been a treasure for the rich and powerful, who have had to do less for their poor, publicly and privately, than any other ruling class since, say, Napoleonic times. Many novelties have come from America. The most startling of these, a thing without precedent, is a mass of undignified poor. They do not love one another because they do not love themselves.”
August 11th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Canadians don’t feel they have anything to ‘prove.’ But you’re just typical (American?). As soon as you ‘learn’ (which is a first for you I’m guessing) that something is better elsewhere, you bash it. Canadians as a rule are pretty modest, humble, fun, well-read/learned, less ignorant people… than yourself. This article was on CANADIAN HEALTHCARE so people (INCLUDING CANADIANS) are going to talk about it. Suck it up Princess! Canada is better at a LOT of things. So, suck it up Princess.
Now… back to your credit card debt… you whiner.
August 11th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
In England, they have free doctors, and there are long waiting lists for those doctors, which is bad. So you can also pay for a private doctor if you like, much like happens in America already. So adding free doctors will not mean no more special doctors for millionaires. So. Solved. End. Bye.
August 11th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
That sucks J.T. You clearly weren’t in B.C. for your healthcare. Or you were during the strike a couple of years back. Here if you get some sort of operation, they baby the hell out of you. I also got an appendectomy, and they checked on me every two hours or so to see if I needed anything (also free!). I’m not sure how it is all over the U.S. but I know I’m not super fond of the Hawaiian system. Getting pills there is a pain in the ass.
August 11th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Whoops… sorry… cut and pasting and fucked up my question…
WHY did you go to the US instead of a major center like Edmonton or Calgary for your care?
August 11th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Why didn’t you go to the US instead of Edmonton or Calgary for your medical care?
August 11th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Well, Bucholz, I’ll be honest, that sounds pretty good to me, here, in Burkina-Faso, we can just dream about Tylenol, instead we have to make use with that paint thinner.
August 11th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Well, Bucholz, I’ll be honest, I’m not sure what exactly the point is. No, let me rephrase. I’m, not exactly sure what your stance is on your country’s health care system. I THINK I know, only because I’ve be [un]fortunate enough to make use of it myself (and what of the 30 year old stuck out at site in Fort McMurray? Take two Tylenol and slowly bleed to death in the woods). But I’m willing to guess most of my “comrades” will have no clue.
In my experiences with it, a government funded health care system is no better (or worse) than what we have in the states. Americans don’t seem to realize that without the PROPER funding, things fall by the wayside.
Yes, I might have had to pay a shitload to have my appendix out in the US, but I would have paid even more if needed, because I was treated with respect and compassion the entire time, I was given all the medical attention I needed and deserved. Plus, I was examined and tested, not just given two shots and told to “shake it off,” AND I was told what was IN those shots…I could go about cleanliness and effectiveness, but I won’t. It’s not fair; just because I had a handful of shitty and shotty experiences with the health system in Canada, doesn’t mean it’s like that ALL over Canada. I just want to point out that I’VE received better care in the US than Canada, and that yes. I don’t mind paying for it.
I think that government funded health care is like communism: it’d be a great idea if it worked.
Sorry if my view offends. I’m just going by what I personally experienced.
Lots of luck “Bucky”
Slante Mhath
J.
August 11th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Great article, comrade!
August 11th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
As a Canadian, let me be clear — there aro no death panels, no Department of Life and no computer matrix deciding what care you can get and what you can’t.
Rather there is cow bingo — or as we are forced to say in English bingo cow. One of the good things about this recession is that ice time is becoming more and more unaffordable so more and more ice rinks can be brought into play to speed up the cow bingo decision process.
As well, the government is responding to delays caused by the size of of bingo cows by secretly pouring $150 million Canadian dollars (300,000 euros) into the process of shrinking cows. After the collapse of Canada’s newsmagazine, TIME Canada, this information is only known to the few, the proud, the readers of Maclean’s. See http://tinyurl.com/bingocow
Of course, there are always those who try to game bingo cow and bribe the cow and their handlers. Fortunately outside of each bingo cow palace are highly sensitive detectors that only let pre-cooked Tim Horton’s products in through the lines of protesters offering up made from scratch pancakes with organic maple syrup.
Finally, there is hope that bingo cows can be replaced by virtual bingo cows and thereby speed up the decision process by hundreds of times. But here too there are problem as research in motion has taken its R and D department off the virtual cow problem and is devoting its energy into creating the virtual Hamilton Coyotes. We need virtual bingo cows NOW. Our only hope comes from the land of Oz.
August 11th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Your an idiot kindahuge… I hope some “niggers and mexicans” visit you in your sleep you racist douche
August 11th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Funny stuff. I may not believe in Communism or Socialism (or Commusocialism for that matter), but I do give you pinko commie bastards credit, your pledge of loyalty is just so much cooler than ours! I mean, “I pledge allegiance to the flag….” yawn… Who wants to say that? No wonder its getting banned in schools as offensive. Is it too much to ask that we get a kadosh once in a while?
August 11th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
I think the comparison between the proposed US health care reform, and the Canadian single-tier system is laughable.
The initial talks regarding a public option have more or less degenerated into negotiations to include a co-op option for those who opt in.
While this bears a slight resemblance to socialized health care in that many people are contributing to a fund to provide healthcare for all involved, there a few major differnces.
1. A cooperative is not run by tax dollars, as public health care is.
2. It’s optional, not a mandatory part of taxation.
3. The two-tier healthcare system would remain, allowing anyone with the resources who wanted private healthcare to remain there.
I’ve even heard some experts believe this co-operative may even become, instantly, the third largest insurance provider in the US (will try and find the interview and post it for all you doubters).
I’m unsure as to the executive structure, but if it were run like a private corporation, but ruled by government guidelines, it would likely be a huge succes.
So, really folks, US-Canadian comparisons are quickly losing all relevance.
August 11th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Hahah, nice pic from Silent Hill Homecoming.
August 11th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
What I don’t get is why people seem to feel that helping people and being middle class brands you as commie/socialist/nazi. What’s mine is mine and get rich or die tryin, that’s capitalism mutha fucker. The people that argue against tax increases for the rich and universal health care aren’t rich. They’re middle class afraid that when they win the lottery the mother fuckin government’s going to take their hard earned stack and dole it out lazy mother fuckers that didn’t earn it. Mean while insurance premiums and no tax breaks are keeping them down, but that doesn’t matter because one day they’ll be rich some how. While the people really taking advantage capitalism shut up about it, work hard and make money. Hey, I’m middle class now and trying to get rich and would give up some money later on if I could get some tax breaks now, but I guess that’s just the commie in me.
You always read stories about COMMunities in the United States, especially the south, banding together to help someone in need. I wonder if that makes them left wing pinko enemies of freedom.
August 11th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Canadians obviously feel they have something to prove, from viewing the comments section. They are yet to lose their innocence, and therefore will never be taken seriously. Gained independence from England in 1982? Get the f*ck outta here.
August 11th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Personally I think we should just solve this whole debate now and use Dave Chappelle’s idea: fake Canadian IDs for all American citizens.
August 11th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
[...] How Socialized Health Care Works in Canada | Cracked.com. [...]
August 11th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
“A doctor then sends the appropriate forms to the DoL, allowing the patient to wait in the comfort of their homes for the six to 18 weeks it takes for the DoL decision.”
“Some Canadians, primarily those who come from the families of merchants, do seek out health care on the black market.”
Unfortunately (since it’s a serious issue) most idiots will have a hard time filtering the truths from the jokes and satire in this article. The two sentences I’ve pasted above are both true, though. The black market thing was also the same for the Soviet Union. So, today, you’re a hardworking guy making somewhere around $30k-$40k a year, let’s say. Yeah, healthcare can get pretty damned expensive. But you’re smart and you have insurance, let’s say. When shit comes up, you go to the Dr., you pay a bit, your insurance pays the rest. When something gets serious later in life, you handle it, you get your surgery and then have monthly payments to make for a while, depending on the surgery.
Tomorrow, you’re the same hardworking guy getting paid $30-$40k a year. When things come up, you go to the Dr., you wait behind a long line of Mexicans (the way it already is at the county health clinics), and eventually he sees you, and much later you’re invited to come back for treatment if you had anything that needed care beyond painkillers or simple antibiotics. The government foots the bill, mostly. Later in life, shit gets a little serious, like up above. Ok, now you need surgery, maybe a joint relpaced, or maybe an artery worked on. While you wait and wait and wait to be fixed (again, behind a long line of Mexicans that would have had to live three times as long as you to make the same money, because they’re illegal and don’t care about education) you die. The government doesn’t have to use resources to fix you anymore, so in their book, they win. In your book, you’re dead.
That’s pretty much how it goes. Thanks, Obama. Nigger.
August 11th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Grahame H-B Says:
“I think mostly everyone can agree that you have the right not to die, and universal health care prevents you from dying, it’s as simple as that.”
Uhhh…what?
That is perhaps the WORST argument I’ve ever heard for national health care. Preventing death? There is no right “not to die”, and nothing prevents it. Everyone dies eventually.
August 11th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Not sure where puppies and kittens came into this, they are not human. Soldiers are though, and my point was is even they do not get help and they are HUMAN. Shmekle that is exactly the point now, you want to pick and choose who will get the medicine and you can’t make categories for everyone’s life situation. It would be impossible it isn’t a perfect system but it works so far for the other countries, why not give it a try.
August 11th, 2009 at 11:51 am
And to ANYone that says this can’t be done… the you make that happen… you’re right.
To those that say we should try… we should.
To those that do… FANTASTIC!
August 11th, 2009 at 11:49 am
Another great post! May I comment towards your 3rd. point towards Wry-Bread: Great you support the VA… that’s a no-brainer. Were it not for Veterans, we wouldn’t be sitting here with the luxury to debate. God Bless everyONE of them! But… WHY should we pay for everyone’s health care? Fuck finances! Politicians mis-manage OUR money. It doesn’t make who we are (war is more profitable than peace… so far - man… we could use Gene Roddenberry right about now…lol!). Fuck finances! We SHOULD take care of our fellow man WITHOUT judgment because THAT is the mark on this planet we should be making.
Someone reading this… pass it around. The SECOND someone finds a way to make peace MORE profitable than war… the WORLD would jump all over that!
If we don’t take care of our fellow man, WITHOUT JUDGMENT… what does that (what does it) say about us?
We are failing (badly) as the ‘dominate’ species on this planet.
We SHOULD take care of everyone, because we’re all we got.
I hope you take my comments in the light in which I took yours.
August 11th, 2009 at 11:38 am
@UnscrupulousToast
. While that hospital may have been able to treat that man, they could not treat every single uninsured man or woman who stumbled to their doorstep. I do agree with you about our VA though.
I totally agree, Toast, very eloquent as well. I hate to say it, but, despite years of internet experience, I was still surprised by the ignorance of the some of the responses to your post.
@Libertarian
I actually wasn’t talking about in specific, I didn’t even see your original post, I just meant the general people who use any excuse to rail against him.
@Wry-bread
While it would be great to be able to pay for everyone’s health care, we happen to live in a world of finite resources
August 11th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Great post (as are many on here). Sincerely… it’s nice (again, sincerely) just to not read another post telling of the greatness of the US (ignorantly… not just of the facts, but in a jealous overtone). You my friend are the type the US needs (if not you directly… YOUR type) to get things fixed in the US. You recognize there’s a problem, and you know it needs fixing. Nice post!
August 11th, 2009 at 11:32 am
“Why Don’t They Understand? Says:
How difficult is it to become a Canadian citizen?
Honestly, I can’t take the stupidity of my fellow Americans for much longer.”
Then stop whining and GTFO. Godspeed!
August 11th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Canada good. It’s so obvious. Every 3rd song they play on radio is Canadian. Every news report on states always incidentally shows Canada’s superiority. Almost all the shows on my t.v, magazines at the store are all CANADIAN. And they all support the obvious: we live better than you, and our health care system guarantees that everyone alive is healthy enough to remain alive.
Every American I know who moves here complains about how oppressive it is down there - no leverage or ability to prevent other’s bad health through cost-cutting policies, no Human Rights Commission. Who do you americans complain to?
Whenever my dad goes to the hospital for his pacemaker over there he says it’s so ugly with all the different fast-foods and logos and businesses, buildings, wires, littering the skyline it’s very overwhelming, as if no one had ever heard of Tim Hortons. What more do you need? When you have that much choice and can see whatever Dr. you want whenever, and even diseased alcoholic deadbeats get free care, then you really don’t have freedom at all. He says you don’t even import half your Doctors. Guess they don’t wanna go somewhere with such wimpy short winters.
Stop spending so much money on foreigners and charities when you could help ourselves and not worry about what to do with all that money and fast food. When will Americans wizen up and let your officials take care of things for you so you can get on with doing and making great things, like Canadians?
August 11th, 2009 at 11:26 am
KADOSH!
August 11th, 2009 at 11:25 am
It seems that some people are confused about the right to free health care, especially UnscrupulousToast. I think mostly everyone can agree that you have the right not to die, and universal health care prevents you from dying, it’s as simple as that. If an innocent man recieved the death penalty, people would be pissed. A lack of healthcare is much the same, people who don’t deserve to be hurt/killed are being hurt/killed.
And the possible existance of death panels is ridiculous. Why? Because death panels sounds too awesome. Death panels! Come on! That sounds so bada**, the government would never do that.
But this article seriously confused me. The sarcasm was too infrequent to tell if he was for or against universall healthcare.
August 11th, 2009 at 11:24 am
tl;dr
August 11th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Datsun……….it appears he lost you by beginning the article in a realistic fashion rather than a silly one.
After the first section the entire thing is a most amusing satirical exaggeration of what American politicians like to try to characterize the “socialized medicine” systems as.
In other words, the entire article was completely over your head and you didn’t get the joke. Because of this, I’m not surprised at all that you’re a political student.
Additionally, are you really suggesting that satirists should stay away from “serious issues”? Those are the issues most in need of lampooning! God is a comedian, some people are just too afraid to laugh.
August 11th, 2009 at 11:17 am
I like Canada. It’s nice there.
August 11th, 2009 at 11:16 am
“It is also true that under our current healthcare “plan” Americans pay 30% more than other countries for the same medical treatment and 30% more for pharmaceuticals. That extra 30% being profit in the hands of the health care industry.”
HOLY JESUS! FINALLY SOMEONE SEES THE LIGHT!!!
If we’re going to let the guv’ment run our car companies and banks, they might as well drop the other fucking shoe and undo that fiasco. If Obama really wants to show me he’s nothing like Bush, then get out of bed with the Big Pharm companies and crack down on those assholes.
I’m a flag waving lover of captialism, but goddamn you have to draw the line SOMEWHERE. And taking advantage of those who need it most is not capitalism; it’s extortion.
August 11th, 2009 at 11:09 am
This article warms my soviet hart! Kadosh! May your icy kingdom remain strong and your grain harvest be most bountiful this year!
August 11th, 2009 at 11:05 am
Dude, SERIOUSLY, poking fun to canadians always works when it’s about how we talk, how we’re short, how we like mapple syrup, how half of us are french, how the OTHER half is english, but when it comes to health care it’s actually really good.
- Terrance and Phillipe -
August 11th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Canada:
FREE Healthcare (all the ‘Heil’ and ‘Nazi’ cracks, clearly from the ignorant, jealous, working poor of the US… lol).
2nd. largest country in the world with a population only slightly greater than California. We LOVE the space… the scenery. MOST Hollywood types have homes up here.
One of the highest, technological countries on Earth. Advancements in Medicine, Electronics, Software Development.
The 2nd. (or the FIRST - considering the tar sands) largest oil reserves in the world.
Largest provider of oil, hydro and fresh water to the US.
A higher standard of living than the US.
No where NEAR the censorship the US has… not even CLOSE. Despite US channels choosing (for the betterment of man) which words to bleep from movies… lol! Bleep ’shit’ out, but leave ‘Jesus Christ!’ in. All that censorship, Big Brother, phone-tapping, surveillance, and yet the US has a MUCH HIGHER crime rate than Canada.
The US… ‘land of the free’ … you think so? Do you think saying it over and over and over makes something true Toto. Now… where DID you leave Kansas?
Keep spending $’s on Iraq to make Cheney and his boy Bush even wealthier (even to this day)… LOL. We all had NATO’s protection (you were already paying for it anyway!). Money well spent there.
Yeah… fuck those Canadians… they’re idiots!
Bwwwahahahahahahaaa!!!!
August 11th, 2009 at 10:59 am
TO:
Chris Bucholz, Government Journalist (A26732243), Registered Satirist (58008)
Neil Channing, MD, FRCPC, FRCSC, Director HDC PYR-27
BE IT KNOWN TO ALL WHOM THESE LETTERS PRESENT
In the name of Her Canadian Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, Queen of Canada, Defender of the Faith, etc etc etc:
Please be advised that pursuant to Supreme Court Decision re: Regina v. Yan Kee, you have been found in violation of statute for your recent published interview and article.
1. You neglected to add a ” - ” in between “far” and “seeing” in the published transcript.
2. Your ceremonial fist pounding was not lubricated by seal pup oil.
3. The oath of loyalty was not given en français by the respondent (Dr. Channing).
4. You failed to mention that the system works ABSOLUTELY perfectly.
5. Flying infants are a state secret.
THEN
You are hereby ordered to present yourself to the local polar bear processing plant for summary execution.
Failure to follow will result in a fine of $2.25 Million (~7,50 euros) and a melting of your residential igloo. Your children will also be sentenced to lifetime servitude as pageboys in the House of Commons.
Plenary indulgence will be granted with a skinny dip along the winter course of the Rideau Canal. This has been granted as you clearly have educated millions of rebels south of the border with the superiority of the frozen motherland’s healthcare system.
Kadosh,
Mikhail Singh-Choucitimy, RSW
Monitor 6767
Canadian Broadcast Standards and Internet Monitoring Division,
Ministry of Public Security
Government of Canada
(Cette publication est disponible en français)
August 11th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Coming from a Canadian this is actually a surprisingly ignorant post. Public healthcare and socialism are actually very different things and it’s disappointing that a Canadian person is willing to spread this alarmingly short sited view point. As a Canadian political student that has personally been treated by the public healthcare system and then had (elderly) family members use our healthcare system it is difficult to see how some one could be so against public healthcare. Whatever information about the healthcare system this author has is obviously not conclusive or complete, and people should be careful about taking this uninformed viewpoint seriously. This author should seriously consider sticking to topics that don’t have an impact on peoples opinions and lives… like Twilight, or Harry Potter - now those were better articles.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:52 am
The best part about these comments is that this article actually sparked a debate. Hardly anyone seems to understand that it’s meant to be a satire on how Americans think of us Canadians as dirty reds because we have free health care, and to all of you that say Fuck Canada! That’s fine we can deal with it, we dont have the insecurity issues that come along with being ridiculed across the globe. You do have one bright light though, CRACKED!
August 11th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Um. I didn’t really mean to write an essay. For some reason I thought I hadn’t written that much. I’m sorry. I guess the point is just that no, you don’t have to help another person the same way you don’t have to report child abuse, but you still should. It’s not a one-sided thing. Everyone else is supporting you, too.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Haha, wow, that’s an interesting perspective on socialized medicine. The name Department of Life sounds very Orwellian, and a computer matrix deciding who gets what medicine sounds a lot like the first step into the world of, well, The Matrix (I think my government alotment of medicine wouldhave just gone down for that weak psuedo-joke).
For me the thing that most worrys me abot socialiazed medicine is when i look at the DMV, and I think that this is what a hospital could end up being like.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:41 am
… you know, America has taxes out the ass anyways. 30% income tax, on top of taxes on monetary gifts they find out you’ve gotten, taxes on lottery money, taxes on money you’ve gotten for selling things, taxes on taxes on taxes.
And yet we don’t have adequate healthcare? Seriously? I realize that goes towards a lot of other things, but Sweden has a 50% income tax… and every one of them NEVER has to EVER worry about going under because they were insolent enough to get hurt. People who have chronic conditions or unusual problems can expect MORE care, not less. You’re not punished for being unfortunate there, the way you are here. You’re not dumped out in the back alley because the hospital refuses to help.
The only hospital in my entire county is privatized, and they can and WILL turn you away if you can’t pay. There was a man in town who developed cancer, not because he smoked or “deserved” it but because of his genes, and he was turned away immediately because the hospital didn’t want to care for him. They had some of the resources to help, they easily could have assisted until he could be sent to the bigger hospital a few counties away, they just didn’t bother.
I am ASHAMED to be an American. Not because of its people, or the prevailing moods, or because I think I’m hip and outspoken, but because of the way we treat our people. The way we treat our HEROES. The people who gladly throw away their well-being and safety to help others, knowing they might not come back, whether it be from overseas or from a burning building.
What really gets me about events like that are the people who aren’t called upon to help. The nurse who’s off-duty and sees the smoke billowing up and immediately rushes in not for fame, or duty, but out of compassion and concern. Out of that spark of compassion every person has kindled inside of them, even if some people choose to ignore or it or try to smother it. And then she’s ignored completely and even looked DOWN upon for getting hurt or being sick because of it. No one cuts her any slack, least of all our government.
Obama is doing a lot to help, and I’m hopeful that soon I won’t have to be ashamed of our government. I feel like a child whose parent has embarrassed them in public. I feel abused, and dirty. I love America. I love the ideals behind it, the ideals that say anyone can get along, that all people are equal no matter what their pasts, and someday, I want America to fully realize those ideals. I want this to be a land to be truly envied, not out of anger or spite, but because our land is a beautiful one, where everyone really can prosper together.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:37 am
“So to say that it’s a RIGHT for anyone to have free health care is a pretty radical claim. You could as easily say it’s a right for anyone to get a free trip to outer space. Really, how is it different?”
—-
You are ABSOLUTELY right sir. What we need to do is get rid of all those freeloaders who get free health care.
So, from now on, all ambulances should have credit card readers installed and if you can’t pay for the trip, they should leave you to die. No matter what. After all, the right to free health care is a radical claim.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:34 am
“It’s expensive. It just is. You’re not entitled to it just because it’s a matter of life or death… or, more accurately, of living more comfortably. And you’re certainly not entitled to it if it means someone else has to pay the bill.”
It is also true that under our current healthcare “plan” Americans pay 30% more than other countries for the same medical treatment and 30% more for pharmaceuticals. That extra 30% being profit in the hands of the health care industry.
Perhaps that would explain why they are lobbying so fervently on the Republican side. Universal Health Care might cost them that extra profit they squeeze out of Americans.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:33 am
“So to say that it’s a RIGHT for anyone to have free health care is a pretty radical claim. You could as easily say it’s a right for anyone to get a free trip to outer space. Really, how is it different?”
I just don’t know how to answer that question. How is health care different from a trip to outer space? I feel like this is either a lawyer joke or the beginnings of a Greg Geraldo rant at a Comedy Central Roast.
In the words of my friend Jerry from Boston, Mr. Toast, you sound retaaahhhhhded.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:28 am
Also, thanks for summing up modern politics with a never-before used quote. Fucking dipshit.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Yes “Mournblade” because liberalism is cute, youthful idealism and conservatism is rational, steady thinking. Go read a book you fucking retard.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:27 am
But we can agree on one thing: fuck Canada.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:25 am
@SadiZombie
As always, cheers for keeping the discussion civil and respectful. Because obviously only an immortal Nazi douche would have said what I said. (Sigh…)
But I stand by my comments. Really, why is free health care a right? Just because something is within the realm of possibility from a technological standpoint doesn’t mean everybody should be entitled to it. Hence my absurd space travel analogy—this is called “hyperbole.”
Call me a heartless douche if it makes you feel better to paint opponents in such broad strokes, but I’m just being realistic. And I’m more than a little annoyed by this notion that because I think it’s part of life that some people get dealt a shitty hand and it’s not always everyone else’s responsibility to make it all better, then I must be a soulless bloodsucking monster who’s never known hardship. That’s more than a little shortsighted and frankly it’s a lazy cop-out.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:22 am
I wonder if anyone from a country with nationalised health care would actually argue against it. I’m from Ireland, and when I get sick I can get treatment. That’s why we pay taxes and I am glad of it. For public health care I have to wait a while (except for emergencies), but if I have money I can use a private hospital.
There are drawbacks to the system, it’s not perfect. Seriously though, I don’t understand how anyone can believe that healthcare is not a right of every citizen. Governments exist to provide these sorts of services to people. That whole “not my tax dollars” argument amazes me…What are tax dollars for? Having followed American news channels for the past number of years though, I understand that some people actually believe the lines they are being fed about those wars (and their cost) being necessary. And really, I feel bad for them.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:10 am
[...] inside look at canadian healthcare How Socialized Health Care Works in Canada | Cracked.com [...]
August 11th, 2009 at 10:09 am
I don’t wanna pay for other people to live healthy lives! How dare you ask me?! Let me justify this with the fact that, of course, only those people who don’t have private health insurance are illegal immigrants or lazy people who don’t want jobs.
I don’t wanna pay taxes! Whine whine whine! I don’t want to pay towards a government so they can provide for the welfare of the general populace! That’s not how freedom and capitalism work! Every man for himself! The rich deserve more! Waaaah!
*sigh*
August 11th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Oh…and fuck Canada.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:04 am
@UnscrupulousToast
Guess you’re waiting for the SS to make a comeback, huh?
Of course, I’m not surprised at your remarks. Many people are apathetic these days. It all boils down to money as always. Free health care is a right every person should have but that isn’t going to happen in our time. That would actually be productive for our species so we’ll have to scratch that one.
And the difference between free health care and a free ticket to outer space? Not much of a health care issue in space….yet. Any other pointless analogies can be left with my secretary.
You’re not entitled to it just because it’s a matter of life and death? Dude…you’re a douche. I’ve spoken with doctors that have more heart and soul. You’re probably immortal or something.
You say “Someone ALWAYS pays the bill.” Well, if you don’t like our system of government and the processes that are made within the world of health care, then by all means change it. Until then, enjoy capitalism. Don’t hate the players. Hate the game.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:57 am
ALL HEIL CANADA! Oh I mean hail.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:52 am
It’s great you’re honest enough to admit you’re harder on Obama because: ‘…he cast himself as this awesome bastion of hope…’ But seriously… don’t ALL politicians do the exact same thing? Sure you’re not harder on the man because he’s half Brotha?! I don’t need to hear your answer… but you should listen to it.
I think President Obama is the best thing could have happened to the US (and I’m not an American - thus, even with clearer eyes (maybe) I see that man’s impact on the globe… and it IS incredible my friend.
I like your honesty. But do consider cutting the man some slack, and give him his rightful chance. Obama at least admits when he makes a mistake… did Bush… EVER?
Obama didn’t start his Presidency at the starting line like Bush (the books were good, debt in (better) check (if any) when the previous President handed him the keys to the White House and Obama is staring down an almost $12 TRILLION $ debt, getting out of Iraq (safely - trying NOT to leave a power vacuum in the region - which is going to happen anyway… thx. Bush!), Medicare, Baby-Boomers have never been this old. Car Manufacturers closing, Stock Market Crashing….
How would you do in his place?
PS: I’m all for a Canadian Capt. America… lol. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1292175/
August 11th, 2009 at 9:52 am
I totally agree with Xendinthian; without a disclaimer, the so called people spewing verbal diarrhea about the issue could take you seriously.
And nobody wants to sit through that court session.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:46 am
I’m really hoping you left out the part about the Canuckshuck Moose Dance in your interview purely to save on writing, otherwise I’ll have to call the group.
You know, Bucholz.
THE group.
@Pyx
I’m Canadian, too. While I don’t know for sure what would happen with your grandmother, I’m pretty sure an American hospital would still piece your ass back together if you shattered your spine. They figure out payment plans after you can, y’know, breathe, which I hear is a pretty important part of living.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:44 am
I don’t fuck my girlfriend any better than I post.
I am a waste of groceries, air and water. I should be made into Soylent Green. Then… THEN I would become of some use.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:43 am
“Any 20 year-old who isn’t a liberal doesn’t have a heart, and any 40 year-old who isn’t a conservative doesn’t have a brain.” –Sir Winston Churchill
August 11th, 2009 at 9:43 am
@ Bails:
Kadosh!
The invasion will go as planned, comrade! (Infiltration Registration No. 1812-2-A, Invasion Planning Centre 101)
Cue evil laughter …
August 11th, 2009 at 9:42 am
You don’t own this site. So no one gives a fuck of what you’d like to see where girly-man. So SUCK IT!
August 11th, 2009 at 9:40 am
In the 1960s, the Supreme Court of Canada decided it was acceptable for the decision matrix to be biased to favor certain desirable social traits… This line made me laugh and say kadosh! as I pounded my fist into my hand. Thanks for the light, yet topical humor Chris.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:37 am
Great article, Chris.
Hail, hail Canada!
August 11th, 2009 at 9:36 am
I’m Canadian.
Once when I was 8 I slipped on some wet cement stairs and hit them so hard with my spine that I couldn’t breathe and could hardly move. I had to be rushed by ambulance to the hospital for X-rays.
It cost my parents $0, which is great because my family was not wealthy.
My Grandmother just went through intensive radiation and chemotherapy. The doctors and nurses were amazing, she spent 3 weeks in the hospital and spent the rest of the time coming in for day treatments.
All of that cost her $0. She had to purchase her medications, but will be reimbursed for them when she files her taxes.
So picture your Grandma with stage 3 lymph node cancer or your baby girl with a possibly fractured spine and decide whether you wouldn’t mind knowing that in an emergency you could get care for your loved ones even if you were on the hard side of a recession.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:36 am
Right vs. privilege
That’s really all it comes down to: do you believe that health care is a right or a privilege? Because here’s the sad truth: the human body is pretty fucking complex. It takes a lot to keep it going, and if you’re born with a defect or a natural predilection to a certain ailment, then it’s even worse. But even at the best of times, modern medicine is not easy. It’s expensive because it’s complicated. Not because of bureaucracy or politics or taxes.
So to say that it’s a RIGHT for anyone to have free health care is a pretty radical claim. You could as easily say it’s a right for anyone to get a free trip to outer space. Really, how is it different?
It’s expensive. It just is. You’re not entitled to it just because it’s a matter of life or death… or, more accurately, of living more comfortably. And you’re certainly not entitled to it if it means someone else has to pay the bill.
Someone ALWAYS pays the bill.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:33 am
Fucking pousers.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:32 am
I apologize for going off topic here but I would really like to argue about politics in the comment section!
August 11th, 2009 at 9:31 am
@ Libertarian :
I would be very interested to know where you got the figures you cite. Can you give a source please?
August 11th, 2009 at 9:29 am
I was really hoping he’d actually explain it without resorting to satire, but I suppose this is a comedy website after all.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:29 am
XD hahahaha awesome All Hail Canada =D
August 11th, 2009 at 9:28 am
As a fellow Canadian I can attest to the perfect accuracy of this document. To prove that i am in fact Canadian… colour… yes, that’s a u.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:25 am
It left me puzzling for a while, so let me just share this information: Kadosh is the hebrew word for “holy”, but more importantly, the Knight Kadosh is a Freemason degree, used in America and CANADA TADAAA!
And, of course, bourgeois not capitalist.
Correct me if I’m stupid.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:22 am
Yeah! Those Twilight fans really are taking it too far!
August 11th, 2009 at 9:21 am
…Fuck.
They’re already starting.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:20 am
[...] “List” site Cracked.com’s Canadian resident Chris Bucholz. Bucholz wrote an intriguing article which gave some insight into Canada’s healthcare system, which has been the topic of much [...]
August 11th, 2009 at 9:16 am
How difficult is it to become a Canadian citizen?
Honestly, I can’t take the stupidity of my fellow Americans for much longer.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:16 am
Mehfag,
The only reason I’m particularly hard on Obama is because he cast himself as this awesome bastion of hope who could change how Washington did everything. Of course, most sensible people realized that this is just rhetoric, but, sadly, most Americans aren’t sensible.
The other reason I’m hard on Obama is that he’s obviously trying to do too much. Every time something comes up on the agenda he comes out and says something like “We have to get this done by [random date] or else it’s only going to get worse.” He did it with the stimulus, the cap and trade bill and he’s doing it with HC. He seems absolutely petrified that Congress take their time on things that can have a substantial impact on this country.
That, and his belief that the rich should seemingly foot the bill for everything. Both parties want big government, which pisses me off, but the Dems seem to want big government funded solely through increasing taxes on a certain sector of the country. A group of people who could be taxed at a later date to solve problems in Social Security, the crumbling infrastructure or simply to pay off the massive debt we’ve racked up.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:16 am
America would climb out of debt faster if they started charging $65 per 50 gallon drum of unrefined grain. But that would be immoral.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:15 am
Oh, that fucker’s clever, using my name to write a derogatory statement about myself?
Aaaanyway, like I was saying, this article is wonderfully written, made me laugh, that sorta thing.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:14 am
Anyone else see this guy on the show? http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1292175/
August 11th, 2009 at 9:13 am
Who are you talking to? Are you positive the person didn’t make a typo? Is spelling the issue here, or it is really your frustration of living in the bankrupt US of A the problem (or that your parents had kids)?
August 11th, 2009 at 9:11 am
Socialized medicine would simply be trading one life for another. Instead of “Whoever has the money/insurance to get treated lives”, it will be “Whoever the government gets around to treating first lives”.
No more people will be saved. We’d simply be changing how we decide who dies.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:11 am
You’re Canadian, write proper English, using ou’s…
August 11th, 2009 at 9:08 am
The main problem with medicare and medicade is that they don’t pay enough. My mom is a doctor and she takes medicare and medicade patients only because she sees it as her Christian duty, otherwise she would go broke in private practise. So if we are going to reform healthcare just put more money in those existing programs instead of wasting billions setting up and maintaining this far more costly program. America is still a capitalist/Judeo-christian country, and we should act like it. Those able to pay should, those unable deserve our help, that of course does not include illegal immigrants.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:06 am
Am I the only person who thinks this is an awesome idea?
Sadly, everyone knows Ice Leopards don’t eat old people unless you sprinkle parmesan on them first, and if we use all the parmesan on them, what will we put on our spaghetti?
August 11th, 2009 at 9:03 am
Sorry everyone, I too (like Forrest) below am not bright enough to actually contribute to the topic at hand. Thank you for indulging me up to this point (as my abusive, molesting Father and whoring-crack-soaked Mother did). I’m just so… frustrated with my life. I’m a loser, and have not friends, and wasn’t born with the smarts to participate.
I wish God would take me now.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:00 am
Ok, outside of the political debate. the current plan on the table includes the taxation of medical treatment paid by private insurance as income. on a personal note my father has cancer is receiving chemotherapy one shot of the 3 he receives every 3 weeks costs $35,000 dollars. Do the math. Note my father is retired where is this money going to come from to pay this tax? True my father was retired before diagnosis but it’s not a stretch to think that maybe acute cancer may interfere wit ones steady income with which they can pay tax on the medical treatments they need.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:59 am
@GiveObamaAFuckingBreak
1. USA still has largest GDP by a long shot, so I’m not sure how Germany or Japan are kicking the US’s ass? While it’s true they are both economic powerhouses, both have suffered from the global recession/depression and neither have any where near as much money as the States. However, their export/import ratio is much better than the US’s.
2. I’m not sure how a Detroit drive-by, which, statisitically speaking, was probably done by other black people, is a “redneck, inbred” problem…
3. The U.S. has had a national debt since the 1800’s, so I’m pretty it will never be “dug out of.” Most countries have a significant national debt, and both Japan and Germany have a higher national debt relative to their GDP
4. That being said, I do think some people have been overly hard on Obama
QED
August 11th, 2009 at 8:57 am
Plus, I like the article. It’s pretty awesome.
Kadush!
August 11th, 2009 at 8:57 am
As a Canadian I am fully aware of the shortcommings of the health care system here but it does have it’s benefits.
My dad’s friend’s cancer is back for the second time. It’s more aggressive this time and has metastasized. He is going to go to the Mayo clinic for treatments and surgeries and the cost for this is going to be $100K +. The province of Manitoba has said they will put up over $50K so far. Insurance carriers won’t do that after your cancer has gone into remission.
While the US hospital may have more advanced procedures at least the government gives a flying fuck. And when people bitch about tax dollars being used, whose money do you think gets used when someone else makes a huge insurance claim.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:56 am
I want to be inside you.
Also, LOL@comment debaters.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:56 am
To “SexyNoodlesPlz, What?!”:
Ha. Hahaha. No, I just didn’t want to get myself into this debate. I would like to have remained a neutral beacon of hope, but you, as an anonymous poster (imagine that!) have just made that impossible.
You’re an idiot. Really, insulting someone personally? For trying not to argue? That’s mature.
I think that, as an angry 13-year old, venting his sexual frustration, you certainly paint a wonderful picture of yourself on the internets, behind the mask of society. See, I regularly go outside and insult normal people, informing them that, yes, their fathers MUST have molested them when they were smaller, somehow with a french poodle, and that because they’re not smartasses, they must be dumbasses. Because that’s what everyone does, right? NO. That’s normal on the internet. Shouldn’t be.
Also, I fucked your mother last night.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:55 am
I wonder if anyone else noticed that Bucholz’s Registered Satirist number 58008 is calculator for BOOBS. Awesome and hilarious article btw.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:55 am
sorry 4 my last post people. I’m a non-contributing retard and this conversation is way over my head. I’m a disappointment to my friends and family too.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:53 am
…HAWT!
OMG! Her Grad pic! http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=13&catid=4&sku=ENGL-CD00260
Just out of the Golden Corral, eh Tubbo?! LOL!
August 11th, 2009 at 8:53 am
mehfag
August 11th, 2009 at 8:51 am
I liked his post.
So unless you’re sharp enough to actually post something relative to the topic at hand, how about your chow down on a nice plate of shut the fuck up, Forrest!
August 11th, 2009 at 8:50 am
I think you need to paint with a more satiric brush. These ARE Americans. Have you seen the lies their politicians feed them? The picture you paint if unfortunately only slightly more plausible than what these people Actually believe.
I did a project on Holocaust denial in High School- and I concluded that the Higher ups must know that they were lying but that they lay people bought it hook line and sinker.
I have followed US politics intensely for a number of years and I wonder if it is a similar situation. Part of me thinks that right wing politicians might in part believe that they are trying to do good but they have such a low estimation of how much the populous pays attention (and a portion of their constituents are probably not too bright) that they are willing to flat out lie to achieve their goals.
Alternately they are more concerned with maintaining power and placating their corporate sponsors than they are with the well being of the citzenry. or maybe they just think they can get 50% +1 of the vote by just appealing to people who are dumb + those who are more concerned with not paying taxes and don’t care about taking care of the poor and sick
I am a university educated Canadian and both my parents are Drs.
If I am ill I go to my Dr. or any number of drop in clinics wait about half and hour and see a physican. In the case of referals to specialists for non urgent matters I will occasionally wait a few weeks for an appointment to open up. My mother had cancer and the medical system took care of her and she fought it for 20 years.
It is worth noting that when the CBC ran a contest for “The Greatest Canadian” the winner was Tommy Douglas- the founder of socialized medicine in Canada
August 11th, 2009 at 8:50 am
All this arguing makes you a sad Panda?!
Are you into the felt pens Princess?!
This is called a ‘discussion’, ‘debate.’ Clearly the topic at hand is a lot too high-brow for you.
Don’t like it… go watch Maury. I think the episode you were in where you Father admitting molesting you, thus causing your trauma is on today. And the DNA Test is in… the French Poodle IS your Mother!
August 11th, 2009 at 8:50 am
The anonymous “To Justin” poster appears to be an angry 13 year old.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:49 am
I’m Canadian, cause I know what a Timmies is, what a hog line is, and how you correctly spell “eh” (how’s that for proof?)
My government spends billions of dollars on healthcare. For that money, I get cured for free when I get sick.
The US Government spends billions of dollars fighting people on the far side of the world. For your money, you get young men sent home dead in caskets. When you get sick, you have to pay for it, on top of the taxes you paid so the army can shoot people on the far side of the world.
If I was American, I think I would rather have the Government spend money on me and my healthcare.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:49 am
Yeah! We need more bureaucracy! Wooo!!!
We’ve already proven our govt can handle this. Look at the shining examples of medicare, medicaid and social security.
We just keep getting smarter and gooder all the time.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:46 am
You really are a simpleton.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:45 am
Cut the man some slack! Not only has he had to overcome racial overtones (now and his whole life) - and yes… he’s WHITE! His Mother was WHITE and took care of him after his Dad took off. So he’s as WHITE as he is BLACK! Everybody sat back for 8 FUCKING YEARS whilst Bush fought the good fight (puhhlleaasseee!) - running up the debt. Getting the US painted by almost every country in the world as the enemy (while China funded the US and laughed hysterically - because why?! Wars are fought with BANKS these days. That’s why GERMANY and JAPAN have kicked the US’s ass since the 2nd. World War with products - and now China is fueling your military… LOL), and now EVERYONE WANT OBAMA TO FIX THIS SHIT FEST IN HIS FIRST YEAR OF OFFICE?! What the FUCK are you smoking Americans?!?!? Can I have some?!?!?! Give the man time, get off his (black appearing) back! And yes (regarding your CONSTANT, SICKENING, REDNECK, INBRED, RACIAL PROBLEMS)… I have a black friend. And she says she never feels ‘more black’ than when she visits the US. Another black guy I worked with, LEFT THE US because 2 of his siblings were killed playing in a playground in a drive-by in Detroit.
So maybe it’s just about time you pulled your head out of the sand and realized you’re playing on a bigger field other than your own borders. When we travels, Amercian’s are always, ‘Oh this is so great in the US, and we’re so great in that’ - lol. Yeah… choking on that $11.5 trillion $ debt are you, and the more you boast about how great things are in the US… the more (who… only YOU?!) will believe it?
Lol… have fun digging out of that debt. It won’t be in any of our lifetimes… so don’t expect Obama to do it in even 8 years.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:41 am
Even though everyone says teachers are paid shit, they do get a lot of benefits.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:39 am
Wow. Oh my, just wow. You thought that was an insult? Haha! No, silly, I was pokin fun at the people that call them that!
Oh my! Haha!
August 11th, 2009 at 8:38 am
@Carmyn: Teachers are paid by the states, health care would be provided by the federal government. The difference here is the federal government has a much larger budget and would be culpable for the quality of care, whereas the states just don’t give a fuck.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:38 am
First, if I’m happy with my private insurance, why should my tax money go to pay for something that I don’t even remotely benefit from, while those who do benefit don’t pay a dime? The government only wants to increase taxes on those who won’t use the UHC plan until such time that the government cripples the private insurance industry, how exactly is that a fair or just application of taxes? The top 1% of tax payers already pay roughly 1/4th of all taxes in this country and 30% don’t pay any taxes at all. Is it too much to ask that if people are going to use the UHC system that they at least pitch in to help pay for it?
Second, with a “free” public option and small “fines” on companies who don’t provide health insurance, most companies will pay the fines, save their money and force everyone to find an individual plan or go onto the UHC. Small businesses get screwed because they don’t offer health insurance as a benefit because they can’t afford it, now the government wants to tax them money they don’t have, to pay for something they can’t afford. When some, not even all or most, corporations jump ship on the idea of private insurance, premiums will rise on the remaining companies, who, due to increasing costs, may themselves jump ship. Until, eventually, no one is able to sustain private insurance besides things that are so crappy that no one wants to use them.
Third, I’ve seen this government bankrupt two forms of UHC already. Medicare and Medicaid both suck so much that people often go out and get supplemental insurance. The best part? Every American pays 3% of their income into those, so it’s got a steady revenue flow, Congress (Thanks Clinton) tapped into that money to create the illusion that the budget was balanced.
Fourth, the US is currently 11.5T in debt, thanks to Bush and Obama. The new UHC system will add to that, you know what’d be cheaper? Just writing everyone a check for 10K and telling them to find their own private insurance.
Fifth, someone before stated the “general welfare” is an acceptable reason to gather taxes. It is, the problem is that when roughly 300M Americans have insurance and 36M don’t (10M illegal immigrants and ~15M people who make over 60K), it’s not “general” welfare, it’s just welfare. Furthermore, the Tenth Amendment states “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.” MA has UHC, it’s costing them more than non-UHC did, but shhh, and no where in the Constitution is “health care” brought up, nor does it fall under “general” welfare categorization because it only helps roughly 10% of the population.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:37 am
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August 11th, 2009 at 8:37 am
” Communist Socialist Nazi Fascist Canadians… oh nevermind: Keep on keepin’ on!’ - that’s your best insult?! LOL! Ouch!
August 11th, 2009 at 8:37 am
Also, everyone poking fun at Americans, please. That’s some pretty bad stereotyping. Just as we shouldn’t stereotype you Brits and Mounties, don’t stereotype us Yanks. Especially because we’re actually larger, AND more diverse!
Imagine that.
No. I don’t think our healthcare’s the best in the world.
No. I don’t think you’re all.. whatever they’re saying now.
No. I would love to share my healthcare with my fellow man.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:36 am
Look, forgetting all partisan politics here, forget if you’re a democrat or republican or you hate Obama or not, the fact is that the current government provided system is broken. Yes it sucks, but it’s an even WORSE idea to try to force that broken system on everybody.
The facts are that Obama’s health reform will effectively OUTLAW private health insurance. Before, you go on ranting about what Obama said, hear me out. Yes we are allowed to KEEP our current health insurance if socialized health insurance goes through, but the bill basically says that you can’t change from one private insurer to another. In other words? Changing your job and want to get health benefits from your new company? Sucks for you, you have to use the government system. Do you not have insurance now and want to get private insurance later? Sorry, gotta use the government insurance. How is it right that the government is basically legalizing monopoly in the health insurance sector?
(source http://www.ibdeditorials.com/IBDArticles.aspx?id=332548165656854)
I also hear a lot of people talking about how they have “chronic rare disorders” or other ailments. The problem is, under a socialized health care system a lot of people with rare or very expensive to treat diseases will not receive treatment. This is because in order to implement socialized healthcare we will HAVE to ration healthcare, it’s not a choice of if or maybe, even Obama’s forced raise on income tax (235k income for married couples will have to pay about 25% tax, rising steadily as income rises), all of this extra revenue will only cover maybe 30% of the projected cost of his healthcare reform. Which means that care will be heavily rationed, which means so many of you complaining about your “expensive monthly treatments” probably won’t be benefitting so much anyways, instead we’ll all be paying for people to get sex changes or get syphillis shots for a wild night out.
These are just a few of the things wrong with the health reform, not to mention that it’s a TERRIBLE time to try to implement this kind of costly program (this is not an example of proper deficit spending by the government to help get out of an economic slump).
Sorry for the wall-o-text but I just get pissed off when I see people yelling “You don’t like Obama’s health reform because you’re a racist, you stupid hick republican”. Conservative politics aren’t the only ones responsible for stereotypes, a large percentage of liberal media thrives on mudslinging and name-calling, get your facts right before you go on categorizing everyone that disagrees with you as a hillbilly republican.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:35 am
In Canada - I had a spinal fusion.
Almost 3 weeks stay in the hospital. My cost: $0.
God Bless Canada!
August 11th, 2009 at 8:35 am
Perhaps the most amazing article I have ever read. I can not fault a single thing, it is pure genius.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:34 am
You’re right. And… great post!
August 11th, 2009 at 8:33 am
I live in the UK, ride a motorbike and spend a lot of time in our publicly funded hospitals. As far as I’m concerned I have always recieved the very best of health-care; in fact, after the the last serious accident I had I was treated by the leading European specialist in the field of external orthopedic fixators.
How much do I pay for this superb (and regular) heath care? Well, quite a lot if you look at my tax return. But would I trade the health-care for the extra money in taxes? FUCK NO! Not a chance. Personally I believe that access to health-care is a right, not a privilege, so I am perfectly happy in the knowledge that some of my taxes are going to help people less fortunate than me (this is a toally alien concept to Americans, of course). But even if I was a selfish bastard who only cared about myself, I know that the NHS (health service) has spent a six figure sum on my health-care to date and I’m only in my twenties. So there really is no doubt about who is getting the better deal from this arrangement.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:33 am
This arguing makes me a sad panda.
Conservatives: Very annoying, k? Just stop.
Liberals: I’m disappointed in, well, most of you on this site. You’re acting like Conservatives! Don’t sink down to that level.
Communist Socialist Nazi Fascist Canadians… oh nevermind: Keep on keepin’ on!
August 11th, 2009 at 8:33 am
lol.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:32 am
To the anonymous “to justin” blogger.
thank you so much. I wish that we here in america could or would return to a quieter more globally civilized way. It was in the pre-world war era that America shone out as a great nation. Closing out the rest of the world to figure out their own lives without us while we fix our own messed up system would be ideal. however neither the dems nor the reps have interest in doing that because they all belong to the same paty lawyers.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:32 am
If you think people (like Teachers) do their job badly because they’re low paid. That just makes them shitty teachers with poor work ethics. I’ve worked with MANY like you… complaining that if they got paid more, they work better. Bullshit. That’s just a shitty work ethic. ALL people are paid what they’re worth? Even celebs at $20mil. a movie. Even people at $5 an hour. How do I know this? Because their employers are able to FIND PEOPLE TO WORK FOR THOSE WAGES! That’s what decides what a person is worth… NOT what a person THINKS THEY’RE WORTH. Now wonder you’re of the poorer working class. You think better of yourself than your skill set pays. People wanting to be teachers KNOW THE PAY THEY’LL GET AFTER THEY GRADUATE. If they’re not sharp enough to figure out THEN, BEFOREHAND that they don’t want that pay… DON’T TAKE THE EDUCATION! And if they’re not that bright to do the math… I WOULDN’T WANT MORONS LIKE THAT TEACHING! No ONE has a gun to their head to take a low paying job. Fuck… excuse makers and finger pointers like you make me laugh… you really do. Because everyone but you then is in charge of you. So you can blame everyone else for what’s wrong in your world. Pretty lame.
To: SexyNoodlesPlz - oh, so you just read something, and before you’ve gone to research that this claimed medical care in Canada is that good, you diss it? Head back into the hold ostrich. I have a best friend in Canada that goes for a bi-monthly arthritic treatment. The drug cost for ONE treatment is $6000. He pays only $25. of that through his Blue Cross. Again… maybe less time on the blogs, and more research, yes?
August 11th, 2009 at 8:29 am
Nationalized healthcare now. All this ‘laziness’ talk is just plain stupid. I’d like to live in a country where someone’s wealth or insurance plan doesn’t determine the quality of healthcare they’re going to receive.
Nationalize it - end of story.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:27 am
Do you really have to wait 6-18 weeks? If so, I still think that we need a public health-care system but we probably can’t effectively do it on the national level.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:26 am
Comrade! You didn’t mention the most successful Polar Bear Population Stabilization Plan! By passing off the infirm to the bear population, we have stopped the decline in polar bear numbers and reduced healthcare costs by 17%
August 11th, 2009 at 8:24 am
Maybe if the US (by that I mean Bush’s now ex-government) wasn’t so busy picking fights with the entire planet, you wouldn’t have to spend fucking trillions of $’s on defense. The US would learn to work, play nice, and shut their fucking mouths, telling other countries in the world which can and which can’t be nuclear powers while they themselves are loaded with them to the hilt! Maybe if trillions of YOUR TAX $’s weren’t spent on defense (because the US is deserving of the enemies it has… yeah, I’ve been around Sporto!) you’d ALREADY HAVE THE $’s COLLECTED FOR ORGANIZED, FREE HEALTHCARE… ever think of that?! Play nice with the other kiddies in the sandbox, share… smile, and most importantly shut the fuck up more often… rely on NATO’s protection (why not… you’re paying for that too, you stupid shit!), and get back to the business of taking care of your own people. China has loaned the US MOST of that $11.5 trillion. And I don’t see the US telling China what to do. China OWNS THE ENTIRE US MILITARY! If you people got your heads out of your fucking assholes long enough, instead of preaching and boasting you’re the best in the world (at what… DEBT?! LOLOLOLOLOL!), and read a BOOK or looked at a GLOBE once in a while…. you’d be out producing instead of blogging (I’m retired…. yeah, before 40, so fuck you!), and get back to the game at hand. Making America the country it once was… long ago!
August 11th, 2009 at 8:23 am
No such thing as a free lunch?
I’m calling bullshit.
Back when I was young, the elementary schools provided free lunch for the poor kids.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:23 am
yet alot of people are forgetting,
School teachers are at this point paid by the government. and they are paid very little, so they are shitty because they get paid so little. and because they get paid so little for there job that really should be paid more for, they dont need much schooling either to become a teacher.
if you take this concept with docters, who go to school and spend thousands and thousands upon thousands of dollers on there schooling, and have the government start paying them shitty little to nothing money just like with teachers, whos going to want to become a docter? and if they do become a docter, why would they be any good when there not getting paid anything?
August 11th, 2009 at 8:22 am
I don’t understand all the fuss? Hey americans i have news for you, you can still have private healthcare if you want it!
Thats right you can, its juset some of your taxes will be used to make a universal healthcare system for all.
You will find though, like here in the uk, the only difference paying makes is you get to jump the que you will still be treated in the same hospitals as in the NHS because the NHS will be far superior to anything the private healthcarew could offer.
In short US healthcare sucks its akin to a third world country even if you can pay for it.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:22 am
The last thing we need on Cracked is political flame wars.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Maybe is you can’t understand what people are writing, and their grammatical and punctuational errors are losing you. Maybe you’re not as fucking bright a bulb as your idiotic parents have lead you to believe… cunt!
August 11th, 2009 at 8:17 am
As an American I would have no problem with the Congress collecting taxes for some sort of government-provided health insurance of health care. It is, after all, the job of the Congress to collect taxes for the common defense and general welfare of the nation, as stated in Section 8 of the United States Constitution (yeah, some us in America actually read the Constitution when confronted with a hot button issue such as this.)
While they’re at it, maybe the Congress can STOP collecting taxes they spend on things that don’t fall into the category of defense and general welfare of the nation. Hell, I’ll settle for a less complex tax system that only became that way because of special interests crying “it isn’t fair!”. It doesn’t matter what isn’t fair for businesses. It only matters what is fair for the citizens of the United States.
It seems a lot of us Americans have the wrong argument running through our heads. Instead of complaining about spending money for the benefits of all citizens, which is quite clearly stated to be Constitutional, we should be crying for reformation of the tax system itself. Also, before someone decides to flame me as a “liberal” who wants to give hand-outs to people, that is not what I’m saying. I’m simply saying that general welfare (not handing someone a check for a down payment on a house. not buying someone’s old, gas-guzzling car back from him or her) is something we should be taxed in order to provide.
Of course, it does terrify me to think of the US government some how running our health care system. These are the same guys who couldn’t even run a McDonald’s without debating on how much ketchup to put in the bag.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:17 am
Just because there are 10times the people, doesn’t mean their are 10 times the money. The reason our per capita is high, is because the richest people in the world live here, a lot of them at least, which raises the avg higher. But I think you didn’t know that.
Also, the richer people have businesses which equal more ways to get out of taxing. On top of that, USA has slightly more things to do with their money then other people do, you have any idea how much it takes just to maintain what we have now? We had a deficit BEFORE wanting to put healthcare for everyone on it as well, imagine what will happen then?
I’m sorry, I dont think a lot of people make enough money to lose 50% of their paycheck and live off the rest, I sure as hell can’t.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:15 am
Whenever I visit America, I’m always taken aback by how poor of a country it is (no… I’m not talking Hollywood, or Manhattan). Closed towns, broken up roadways. And the prices there are so cheap for everything in the stores, and their real estate tax laws are wonderful (tax deduction on interest for your principal residence… sweet). So with the cheap prices in the stores and real estate tax breaks… and people are STILL LOSING their homes, I sincerely feel for them. Because all that is evidence at to how truly bad off the country is. Hard working, honest Americans got royally screwed over by Bush… and that is a shame.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:15 am
Kadosh!
August 11th, 2009 at 8:14 am
Jyggalag ,
Where in my statement did I mention returning war vets or hard working people who were laid off. Want to take that out of the equation feel free to raise my taxes to improve veterans heath care and help subsidize COBRA heath plans for laid off workers. Heck I’ll throw a fund raiser. While you are at it why not just scream “WHAT ABOUT THE PUPPIES AND KITTENS YOU MURDERING RED STATE BUGGER!!” that would better assist your argument than admitting facts.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:14 am
I want to have an intelligent dialogue about this but I can’t seem to understand what half of your are writing. Either you’re missing punctuation in key locations, or you have it somewhere it doesn’t belong and not other places where it does, or you don’t have it all.
I want to understand you! Help me Help you! Or would that be too much “socialism” for you?
August 11th, 2009 at 8:11 am
@ If Americans were in an illegal war…
Honestly, this needs to stop coming up. I am getting so sick of people bringing Iraq up. It happened, it’s over, we need to move on. The reason that this country still isn’t moving foreward is because people are still dwelling on things that have already happend. We get it, it was a mistake, pretty much every person you ask, republican, democrat or what ever will admit that. The problem isn’t what caused the situation we are in, the problem is how are we going to fix it.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:08 am
@ Scott
And millions are rejected and deemed unworthy of health care because of things they can’t control like being born with a defect or disease. Insurance compaines like United Healthcare have faced criminal charges in several states for this kind of fraud.
http://www.whitehouse.gov/realitycheck/
August 11th, 2009 at 8:07 am
I like to have all the dicks in my mouth.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:06 am
Ahem: Medicare. Medicaid. Social Security. You’re already paying for it. Don’t think lazy people should get health care from your taxes? Medicare/Medicard. They already are. Old non-working people getting your money? Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid. Have a job and pay insurance? Would you like to pay less for comparable service? Because you would in universal health care. If only because you wouldn’t be paying for privatized health care. You’d only be paying your taxes. Overall, it would be less.
Before you get all angry about this “Socialism”, do some research into how much “your” tax dollars are already “our” dollars. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but don’t act like it’s a new thing.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:06 am
Yep, let the verbal diarrhea fly, Cracked monkeys.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:04 am
Kadosh!
August 11th, 2009 at 8:01 am
If Bush never invaded Iraq (which had nothing to do with 9/11) - and Bin Laden is living it up lavishly in Saudia Arabia - only for Bush to trash Iraq (and the US financially… at the same time, sweet deal yes?), just so his buddy Cheney could rebuild it with his Co’s Contracts (arm’s length my fucking ass), and the US wasn’t $11.5 TRILLION $’S IN FUCKING DEBT… THEY’D HAVE THE MONEY FOR FUCKING SOCIALIZED HEALTH CARE! FIND BUSH AND GO STICK A WOODEN STAKE INTO HIS EVIL ASS!!! http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=13&catid=18&sku=ENGL-CD00420
August 11th, 2009 at 8:00 am
Also, you get a gold star UnscrupulousToast. And i’m not being sarcastic or anything.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:58 am
Hail Canada!
Really, America needs some ice leopards to throw people to. Can we borrow some, Bucholz?
August 11th, 2009 at 7:56 am
Socialised? - True but its an ugly word, it makes it sound like something we should avoid. Coming from England the health care is similar and it’s great, i’ve been stabbed at a Bus Stop in Manchester and came out of a hospital 4hrs later with 12stitches and no bill - it’s selfish people like Scott that makes America a crap place to live for the lower classes … just watch Sicko (Michael Moore) it explains everything!!
August 11th, 2009 at 7:55 am
The bigger problem here is the American culture has become way to much about “Me” and not about “Us” you thump your chests and say “god bless america!” and eat your apple pie, but when your fellow citizen gets sick and can’t afford to get medicine it becomes “survival of the fittest”. That sickens me that America the “best” country in the world has become so selfish and distorted of their view as a free country that it has come to this.
Sure there are some people who are degenerates who really may not deserve your tax money but what about those soldiers who are fucked up now from war and have been cast aside for mental treatment and cannot afford it themselves? Do they deserve to be ignored and labeled as the lazy non working population? Perhaps someone who has had bad luck in life and can’t get a job but have always been hardworking their entire life? You would just ignore them as well? Think about how you label people who cannot afford medicine before you make sweeping decisions.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:55 am
Hey Funny article! My only fear is that there are Certain Americans out there who take this article as having a grain of truth…you know, like those who think Steven Colbert is actually Republican….:S
August 11th, 2009 at 7:55 am
Know someone that’s sick? http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=13&catid=11&sku=ENGL-CD00364 That should help. You’re welcome.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:54 am
Free health care?! Sign me up! I hate paying for insurance AND paying taxes. Why would I want to pay for both? When I get sick, it should totally not be my responsibility to pay for the care. Let the government pay for it instead.
Don’t worry that the government isn’t some bottomless well of money, but that it actually needs revenue to pay for all this, which means raising taxes. Oh, but not on me. Just on those asshole rich guys who probably got all their money by dumb luck or stabbing children. Couldn’t be the rich people who earned their money by hard work and sound decision making. Those don’t exist.
At least all the other government-run agencies like the post office or the BMV are really efficient and well-managed. This couldn’t possibly go wrong.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:53 am
shanks Says:
“well the rest of the world knows that Health insurance in america sucks big time… In almost any other countries of the world every person has Health insurance”
So by almost I assume you infer possibly 1% of Africa maybe 20% of South America and a whopping 30% of Asia. What I think actually scares us “right wing loonies” is that there is what appears to be a inherent inclination within certain portions of our national populace who unashamedly takes massive advantage of hand outs to a disproportionate level. No that is not a race remark and if you thought it was check your own mind. What I am troubled by is that for those who work hard to have less and those who don’t to have more causes a larger portion of said population to embrace the slacker mentality. America did become great on the shoulders of people who busted their butt to get a better life and I for one do not want to see that change.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:48 am
1600 Microsoft Points for free - http://proprizes.com/?r=24604
Really works, thousands of gamers have already received free Microsoft points, and you can also earn Xbox 360 games. Look up proprizes and see that it is legit!
August 11th, 2009 at 7:47 am
It looks like it folks! This guy is the forerunner! SWEET! http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1292175/
August 11th, 2009 at 7:46 am
Coming from the United Kingdom, we have a very similar system in place. We don’t throw the elderly into ice volcanoes though, that would be wasteful — we grind them up and press the remains to make cheap petroleum. Perhaps you could mention the idea at your next mandatory community cultivation meeting (if yours are anything like ours, you may want to do it before the vitamin injection, I always feel a little loopy afterwards).
August 11th, 2009 at 7:46 am
@Scott,
You’re already paying for it. Every time someone goes to the emergency room and doesn’t have insurance, guess who foots the bill? Taxpayers.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:45 am
@ Rekiemu
No, you’re not talking about survival of the fittest, you’re talking about survival of the richest. Do you think it’s fair that people suffer of easily treatable illnesses because they can’t afford a simple surgery? Or do you think its fair that people be made even more poor just because they get into a car accident and need $25,000 worth of treatment?
Come on. Get f’ing serious.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:45 am
As a Canadian from Ontario (thats the part that actually matters) i can verify this is 100% accurate. Except BC doesn’t have ice leopards so they just get people really high.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:44 am
@Exile
Commie . . . nazis. If only you realized that they are practically polar opposites. If only . . . you might even realize how stupid you are. I can dream, can’t I?
August 11th, 2009 at 7:38 am
It’s very simple. If you want health care get off your dead ass and get a job. I work hard, I have insurance, I shouldn’t have to pay for health care for some low-life dead beat who is too lazy or stupid to get a decent job.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:35 am
As a British fellow-socialist/free-healthcare-receiver, I bid you greetings my Canadian comrades. Our system is broadly the same, although for obvious reasons we don’t use ice leopards. Instead, our sick and elderly are drowned in hot tea, or clubbed to death with stale scones and crumpets.
Kadush! (did I say that right?)
August 11th, 2009 at 7:28 am
@ Tech
And that’s the problem. Pres. Obama said he would do just that, not raise taxes to pay for the health care reform, which then morphed into health care insurance reform because of the unpopularity of the former and the fact the now taxes WILL be raised.
America faught a war of independance against England, in case you had forgotten, over unfair taxes. Now this administration wants to ram this $1 trillion+ bill through on the heels of a $780billion spending package designed to rebound the econom. We see how well that is working .
August 11th, 2009 at 7:27 am
Okay, I think all of you are missing one major point.
True, such a system would provide healthcare to the millions of people who can’t afford it. And yes, It would probably help lots of old people live even longer. But this brings up a very important question: Why should I care about them? Survival of the fittest. I’m not rich, and honestly I can’t afford healthcare. But it seems unfair for someone who has worked hard to get the money they have now to have to pay for me to go to the doctor. Besides, Americans would go apeshit if taxes went up.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:26 am
So Exile, I’m confused is Obama a Commie or a facist?
Either way it doesn’t matter to me, in a private health care system, people who are enrolled in health care are still going to end up paying for uninsured people. Prices are adjusted to cover the costs caused by people who are unable to pay their bills by hospitals, which causes hospitals to raise their fees, which causes insurance companies to raise their rates. So in that sense, insured Americans are still covering the unisured. Now however, if this health care plan goes through, it will just be we are paying for them through taxes and not through higher insurance rates. I personally don’t want this plan to go through, as I think all that bringing a beurocracy into health care will simply muck everything up, and simply cause longer waits for surgery, sub-standard check ups etc.
Great article, I had a hard time not laughing while reading it at work.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:23 am
As a Canadian I can verify the content of this article to be 100% accurate.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:21 am
Bahaha the CBC Newsworld pic is hilarious.
Great article Bucholz, although it seemed a bit on the short side.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:21 am
It all amuses me the imaginary “death panels” and “socialized” health care debate. I think it should be simple everyone gets health care from the government or no one does, so either we put in place a Canadian or British health care system or we cut off Medicare and Medicaid. See simple.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:19 am
oh, also: hahahaha gotta love people that think that Free health care = communism or something. wtf are these people stuck in 1990???
August 11th, 2009 at 7:18 am
haha loved that interview..
August 11th, 2009 at 7:17 am
“Negative criteria include having overdue video rentals, making excessive purchases of light beer, having an interest in wrestling, or writing for Cracked.com”
FTFY.
Great article, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to read the rest of the shrieking, hair-pulling, feces-flinging rants in the comments here.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:17 am
Ok Nilinor, you seemed to have missed something vital in your comparison.. the U.S. is alot bigger, so you have more tax payers contributing to the heath care pot.. so I imagine the costs would be proportionally similar to here in the U.K. maybe you just resent that your tax dollars might be used to help those who are less well off than you? The UK system isn’t perfect, sometimes it’s slow and sometimes difficult cost vs. benefit decisions have to be made, but it’s definitely good to know that if I’m sick/injured the one thing I don’t have to worry about is whether I can afford the treatment..
August 11th, 2009 at 7:14 am
The best explanation of Canadian health yet!
August 11th, 2009 at 7:11 am
Personally, I like this idea of a healthcare system. This means that I don’t need health insurance, and my mom can get perfect care when she’s older and would most likely depend on my siblings and I for money. This means we wouldn’t ahve to spend that much on her, and there would be no insurance fraud, or giving insurance companies more money, so it wouldn’t matter as much if insurance companies need a bailout, because they wouldn’t be as big. Plus, preventive care would be much more common, and the obesity rate might drop as people want to mov ahead for benefits. Of course, you leave out how emergancies work, like if someone has menengitis and can’t live long enough to get the pages from DoL.
Good, informative article. I think that this site is as good as the Simpsons for learning! XD
August 11th, 2009 at 7:10 am
The cost would be astronomical, how much do the americans spend blowshitup? could maybe scrounge a few bucks out of there?
August 11th, 2009 at 7:09 am
Larger populations provide more taxes.. crazy huh? As it turns out having a larger number as a percentage doen’t change ratio itself in anyway.. i know, math is hard!
So yeah.. while having larger population does change things, IE: one new hospital doesn’t really mean the same thing in the USA as in belgium, its still very doable.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:07 am
Obamunist Commie Healthcare is just another way for Obama’s jack-booted nazi thugs to oppress the american people.
Republican? - Sorry You die now.
Smoker? - Sorry you die now.
Didn’t vote for Adolf Obama? - Die now
FUCK OBAMA. FUCK HIS UGLY APE WIFE. FUCK PLUGS BIDEN
PALIN 2012 MUTHAFUGGAHS
August 11th, 2009 at 7:00 am
@Nilinor
Are you retarded? You obviously don’t understand basic economics! Yes, the United States has roughly ten times the population of Canada, which means health care costs would also be ten times that of Canada. However, this also means your tax base is ten times ours. Unless you’re planning on providing healthcare without raising taxes to equal those in Canada or the UK, there’s no problem with funding.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:00 am
I’m a Canadian and I have a chronic pain disorder. If it wasn’t for my universal health care I would have to pay thousands of dollars a month for my meds and dr visits. I think everyone should be able to have free health care. There aren’t people dying in waiting rooms here. Granted, there are long waiting lists for some specialists but overall people get the health care they need without losing their homes or going bankrupt. I just don’t get what the big deal is.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:00 am
I feel like the vast majority of people in Europe (including me) are surprised there’s such a debate in America.
it seems to me like the argument is:
I can afford health insurance, which is better than the cover the government would be offering (which it probably would be) so why should I pay for this?
To which my response would be: There’s 50 million people who dont have any insurance, so surely some taxes need to go into providing them with a basic level of healthcare?
We still have private healthcare in the UK, but you still have to pay taxes anyway. I dont understand why the USA should be any different, its not like they’re going to stop all insurance companies giving any other plans. There’s stil going to be dozens to choose from, but the majority of people will go for the free (OK, obligatory government tax funded) option.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:56 am
I forgot a 0 in my original post
Canada total sick should be
1,680,000
Sorry for that confusion <
August 11th, 2009 at 6:55 am
Ok, this socialist crap is getting out of hand. Let me phrase this in a way you people will understand:
Population!
USA: 307,120,000
Canada: 33,742,000
Britain: 58,000,000
See a “slight” difference?
Now, lets say over the course of a year, 5% of the total population get sick.
USA: 15,360,000
Canada: 168,000
Britain: 2,900,000
See what I did there? Thats being generous that only 5% of people get sick, thats not counting the people that are sick already or people that have yearly things. The point being, our SICK alone is half of Canada’s total population. Also, its about 1/4th of Britain’s as well. It works for your countries because your countries are small, do you have ANY idea what the costs would be for ours?
August 11th, 2009 at 6:52 am
As a son of everyone’s favourite invasion force (the British Empire, for those of you who have not yet been invaded) I too can see the hilarity in even discussing whether or not “socialized” healthcare is a good idea. Those crazy Americans really do love to cling on to the idea that the “reds” are trying to ivade by hiding in M.R.I scanners and behind crates of prosthetic limbs.
When will they learn.
Kadosh!!!
August 11th, 2009 at 6:51 am
HAHAHAHAHA
# benfromcanada Says:
August 11th, 2009 at 6:18 am
Excellent article.
Any bets on how soon right-wing American bloggers steal this article and repost it as factual? I say 2 months, max.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:50 am
tough call, in the uk we have the NHS its good that its free but the standard of care isfucking shit,,,,,time to legalize marijuana and we can all smoke or eat our way to health, after all, it would replace 43 to 47% of all pharma poison drugs
August 11th, 2009 at 6:47 am
Lets all move to canada. From studying their money I can determine their first president was a beaver and their congress is actually a hockey team
August 11th, 2009 at 6:46 am
Hail, hail Canada!
August 11th, 2009 at 6:43 am
Well played, Chris. For a second, I was worried you were actually going to do a serious article on this matter. Not that I don’t want to learn more about the Canadian medical system (I do, since it would be extremely relevant), but I can imagine the kind of hell it would unleash. Well done.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:29 am
How does one get appointed to the “Death Panel”? Being a harbinger of death, I feel I meet the necessary requirements.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:29 am
I know absolutely nothing about healthcare provision, the ethics of delivery of resources, economics, or medicine, nor have I done any research into the above. BUT MY OPINION IS AS RELEVANT AS ANYONE ELSES, DAMMIT!!
And your Canadian system sounds far too complex and wasteful, over here in the UK we just install a Life-timer crystal into the palm of your right hand. Mine’s not flashing yet, so it’s all good baby!!
August 11th, 2009 at 6:18 am
Excellent article.
Any bets on how soon right-wing American bloggers steal this article and repost it as factual? I say 2 months, max.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:18 am
I am so sick of paying fucking taxes to pay for cool jets I can’t fly and fucking bombs I can’t drop…..at least give me a free doctors visit every now and then America….for fucks sake.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:04 am
I want free Health Insurance. I live in the US and pay lots of taxes (a portion of which goes towards things that I disapprove of). Quit it with the “no free lunch” BS.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:03 am
Okay. I feel insanely stupid. For a moment, I thought Bucholz was actually going to do a serious article. For a moment, I suppose, I forgot this was Cracked. Must be all this news-stuff I’ve been watching!
But the article made me laugh, so it’s okay. Hail to the Glorious Canada and whatnot.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:01 am
Proud to be Canadian. The onlt thing I feel that I have to add is this: If you ask nicely (and how else would we ask?) you can get Advil instead of Tylenol.My children can’t fly, they were born too soon. We don’t use leashes. It’s safe in Canada so we just let the kids run freely though malls.
Peace, eh.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:55 am
Finally! A factually correct and unbiased report about Socialized Medicine.
If I understand this correctly, Canadian Government Funded Healthcare results in flying babies. Do Canadians put leashes on their babies and take them for walks in the park, like balloons?
Because, here in the U.S. we put leashes on babies and just drag them through department stores.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:50 am
I am not really a fan of cracked nudging in on politics. I certainly hope that not all cracked readers are these liberals. However, it does make sense and it pushes the point that a majority of cracked readers are in the group who simply refuse to purchase health insurance. No such thing as a free lunch. I purchase health insurance in the US and it is not that expensive. funny enough I would be willing to bet most of the people who advocate health insurance are people who want it free and the people against are the ones who expect to be paying for it. Healthcare is the new welfare
August 11th, 2009 at 5:47 am
Re Woodsy,
I grew up in the UK too. The evil socialist healthcare worked great when my dad got really sick, he was close to the end and a lot of great people worked hard to keep him well. Worked fine - he ran 10 miles yesterday. My grandma had a hip replacement with no problems and my dislocated shoulder doesnt stay disclocated thanks to a little extra tax. You guys only spend it on canned cheese and internet trolling anyway.
Also Righty yanks need to read up on what ’socialist’ means.
Kadosh!
August 11th, 2009 at 5:46 am
Wow! I didn’t realize Canada was actually masking itself as a totalitarian state, best governmental disguise ever.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:41 am
As an American living in Canada, I can completely concur with this article. Just recently, my co-worker’s 79 year old aunt was diagnosed with terminal cancer and she happily and gratefully got on her ice floe, Tim Horton’s Double Double in hand, and waved goodbye.
And if you knew how hard it is to get an ice floe in August in Toronto, you’d know how important it was to the government that she be taken care of. Permanently.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:40 am
Are you telling me I should be absolutely terrified the next time I hear klaxons in Canada? I thought I left that place behind… I… I… Oh God….
August 11th, 2009 at 5:39 am
excellente!
August 11th, 2009 at 5:39 am
Now in a week or so, go to a Tea Party and see how much of the above is told to you as fact by an “informed citizen”.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:37 am
The Canadian God of Healthcare smiles upon this article. Of course we must sacrifice some lukemia children and some 65 year old homeless people to him by throwing them in the ice volcano to appease it, ‘ey.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:36 am
Too subtle. (Is cracked turning into The Onion?)
Republicans actually believe this type of shit. How many times have they heard things that were said in humour, as exaggerations, that they took seriously?
It’s only a matter of time until FoxNews reports this article as truth. ;(
(Yeah, i didn’t read the comments before writing mine)
August 11th, 2009 at 5:36 am
@Gary
It’s difficult to contain myself when I see people telling lies like that. The percentage of Canadians who receive treatments outside of the country is so infinitesimile that it borders on obscure. And even those who do, I guarantee you it’s elective surgery.
I cannot think of a single Canadian I’ve ever known in my life who has gone to the US for treatment. Not a single one. (Yes, I am Canadian). If you need emergency surgery, it takes priority (wow, just like your ER).
The only thing that remotely comes close to what most Americans allude to is organ transplants. We’d love to just give a new heart to everyone that needs one, but if you noticed, donors are hard to come by.
“…transplantation in Canada is limited by the availability of organs, not by financial constraints.” (http://www.cmaj.ca/cgi/content/full/175/5/489)
This whole article is to mock how you guys seem to fear socialized medicine as if it’s all that different. When in reality, it’s almost the same with the only difference being that you don’t need to be approved for anything first and you simply pay your taxes.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:32 am
Sounds fuckin sweet!
If they can invent soul transfer technology er I mean mindtransfer machine(thats right we have no souls…just chemical reactions or something…) I too can have the ability to fly!
August 11th, 2009 at 5:30 am
@witmereric: the question is how much money gets “lost in the shuffle.” Right now the American system is so shady and convoluted that the answer is “it’s hard to say, but quite a bit.” The first order of business is streamlining the process and providing for public oversight, and then there actually will be more people benefiting.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:29 am
“Even though it is flawed, our healthcare is completely free and is one of the best in the world.”
Nothing is free. You pay for it with outrageous taxes, right? So basically everyone pays for everyone else’s health care… except those who don’t work. They get a free ride.
Currently, Obama’s health care plan of attack is to take the money out of our bank accounts. So the money I work for gets taxed before it goes to the bank and then taxed again as it sits there. My belief is that they will eventually add a tax to any money coming out of the bank as well as a tax on any money I have considered depositing or withdrawing.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:29 am
Unsers: “kingmonkey” and “kingmonkey, no really” have been sought and removed, in accordance with B-226 anti-vandalism accord.
Hail Canada.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:28 am
Yes, long live glorious health care of Canada! Kadosh -pounds fist into hand-
August 11th, 2009 at 5:24 am
Right now, we pay money to insurance companies and they redistribute the money by paying for some care and denying care to others.
Americans could be paying the same money to the government who then redistributes it by providing care to some and denying care to others.
In either system, the cost of caring for one person is higher than that one person can afford. Which is why the pools of money are there. But in both systems, only a few can cash in because if everyone needs care it bankrupts the system. What happens if everyone puts in $4,000 and takes out $100,000?
In other words, someone is fucked either way. Right now it’s the people who can’t afford the best insurance plans, or the millions of uninsured. The government way would fuck over different people, but it’s really the same system.
Also, “ice leopards” made me snort out my morning Mountain Dew.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:22 am
Finally! As a Canadian, it is a relief to see a fair and unbiased view of the Canadian Healthcare system. I am so sick of the arguments from the left and right sides of the argument skewing the facts to push their agenda.
Hail Canada!
August 11th, 2009 at 5:15 am
Wow woodsy. You know the health care industry is scared s**tless when they actually think people on Cracked vote. This is the the bottom of the barrel of internet pushes. I guess when you spend 1.5 millions dollars a day on advertising for the health care industry you just run out of places to post.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:14 am
so they don’t use sacrifices anymore?
August 11th, 2009 at 5:12 am
Congratulations to Cracked for your journalistic responsibility. It’s very important to have an overseas correspondent, even if overseas means across the Niagara River.
The best way to point out the serious flaws of the Canadian health system is to remind all readers that when they have cash and want a service that isn’t covered or available, Canadians go to……Buffalo.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:11 am
All is well. Please ignore my previous comment. There is no cause for alarm. Proceed with enjoying the comedy of this website and pay no attention to me.
Kadosh.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:11 am
I wonder if Chris knows that “kadosh” means “holy” in Hebrew, or if it was a coincidence.
Anyway, there are plenty of working models of successful and economically viable socialized healthcare around the world. It’s just a matter of how through a reform the current U.S administration is prepared to carry out.
Also, a service announcement to anyone who hasn’t figured this out yet: DoctorChaos is a troll. He doesn’t voice his opinion, but rather he writes what he thinks is most likely to get a rise out of people. If you wish to encourage his behaviour, go ahead and flame him.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:10 am
Bucholz, as a representative of the Canadian Ministry of Propaganda, I must point out that you came dangerously close to revealing some of our nation’s top secrets. Just thank the leader you didn’t mention the Inuit ghouls.
Oh, shit. I-
August 11th, 2009 at 5:03 am
I would like to live I Canada. I mean, they are never on the news, and that means stuff is going a-OK back there, because news here only like telling us that we’re all going to hell in a handbascket.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:02 am
Grew up in england. Healthcare there sucks. My grandfather died this year from cancer. The government decided he was told old to treat. 79. He did the entire london marathon two years ago. Too old? who gives them the f’ing right to make this kind of decision. Lib’s, thats who. Give up all your rights to make decisions. You will reap what you sow.
Notice how we you are now referencing the Canadian system which is practically brand new. Nobody references the euor system because they have major flaws that outweight any of the costs associated with the current US healthcare system.
Did anyone see the article on Yahoo yesterday about how much money is wasted with the current healthcare programs? The system is already flawed and it has not even begun.
Good luck America. You are going to need it. In the mean time i am going to prepare myself a nice little private healthcare clinic. When you come to the realization that Bureaucrats like Obama know nothing about healthcare, i will be waiting with open arms and a stellar accounting team that will be counting all of my profit.
August 11th, 2009 at 4:59 am
Regardless of your country of origin…if you take what is said on Cracked.com seriously, ever….at all..in the history of anything you are seriously retarded. Or canadian.
August 11th, 2009 at 4:59 am
I am an American and I take this article completely seriously.
August 11th, 2009 at 4:54 am
You just know someone is going to start quoting this article as factual. And that is why, as much as I like America, I’m staying in Canada.
August 11th, 2009 at 4:49 am
wait, its not true?! i must check conservapedia to verify the validity of these claims!
August 11th, 2009 at 4:44 am
well the rest of the world knows that Health insurance in america sucks big time… In almost any other countries of the world every person has Health insurance
August 11th, 2009 at 4:43 am
“you really need to add a disclaimer to this… you don’t understand that there are actually people in america (fox news) who would believe this”
Cracked, you really should add a disclaimer. Do you know what it’s like here? Millions upon millions of Americans would take this article COMPLETELY SERIOUSLY.
August 11th, 2009 at 4:37 am
I don’t think X is from Canada.
August 11th, 2009 at 4:37 am
Well….at least the ice leopards are well fed.
August 11th, 2009 at 4:36 am
I agree with sean, you should really add a intro to the post stating that the article is satire, because there will be at least a few people who will actually believe this.
August 11th, 2009 at 4:34 am
If anything, after reading this, I want socialized health care EVEN MORE!
August 11th, 2009 at 4:27 am
you really need to add a disclaimer to this… you don’t understand that there are actually people in america (fox news) who would believe this
August 11th, 2009 at 4:26 am
“CB: We hail the glorious government of Canada. We hail its far seeing leaders who stand vigilant against our numerous enemies.
NC: Death to the bourgeois, may the Canadian people be forever free from their nine tentacles of deception.”
It’s funny because there are people who actually equate Canadian health care with North Korea.
August 11th, 2009 at 4:26 am
KADOSH! Its true, universal health care is the best system there is ALL HAIL THE CANADIAN GOVERNMENT!
August 11th, 2009 at 4:24 am
And some people will think he’s serious.
August 11th, 2009 at 4:20 am
Henceforth, all Canadians are required to greet each other with “Kadosh!”
August 11th, 2009 at 4:19 am
Flying infants. Holy crap, to be born again in 2085. Heres to hoping!
August 11th, 2009 at 4:16 am
deep down i knew it would be like that, please excuse me so i can run out to a town meeting and shout about this
August 11th, 2009 at 4:10 am
Even though it is flawed, our healthcare is completely free and is one of the best in the world.
August 11th, 2009 at 4:07 am
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August 11th, 2009 at 4:06 am
Loved it.