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How Idiots Pull Down Palm Trees: The Daily Nooner (EST)!

Some Idiot Gets Exactly What He Deserves

I'm not trying to make a joke when I say that I love stupid people. They're way more likeable than smart people, plus they're always asking really simple questions that I know the answers to. I'm no rocket scientist myself, but if you're going to hang out with me, I humbly ask that you be A) moderately attractive, and B) dumb as rocks. It's a mutually beneficial relationship: I get to feel good about myself for helping you out, and you get to find out what burritos are. It works out for everyone.

That being said, I'm pretty sure I'd get along great with this guy. And you know what? It'd be for the best. He'd say, "Hey Ross - I think I'm gonna pull that palm tree down with my truck," and I'd say, "Which one? The huge one in your yard?" and he'd say, "Yeah, that one." Then I'd say, "How?" and he'd say, "With a cable," and I'd say, "Oh. Yeah, that sounds like a good way to do it," because I don't really know anything about pulling down giant palm trees. Then I'd say, "Whoa, dude - are you okay?" and he'd say, "Yeah... why didn't you tell me not to do that?" and I'd say, "Sorry, dude. I don't know anything about pulling down giant palm trees."

We'd probably be pretty hungry by then, so I'd say, "Let's go get some burritos," and he'd say "What's a burrito? I've never even heard of those before." I'd say, "Get in the car - I'll explain on the way," but we'd have to take my car because his would be all smashed in.

And a good time would be had by all.

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