Cracked Columnists

How Hot Is THAT?: Penelope Cruz Edition

Let’s play a game. We’ll call it: How Hot Is THAT? I’ll give you some factual information and you tell me how hot it is. (I’ll play along too):

1.Penelope Cruz is going to be in a new music video.

Well, I’ve never been that big a fan, and thinking about Tom Cruise making out with her ---or thinking about Cruz hanging around waiting for Tom Cruise to make out with her--- is kind of a buzzkill. Still, Penelope Cruz, y’know? So I’m giving that a 7 out of 10 on the prurient interests hotness scale.

2. Penelope Cruz is playing one of two translators asked to translate a Spanish Lesbian porn film.

Wow. Bet you didn’t see that coming. O.K. Now we’re talking a serious 8.

3. At one point during the video, Penelope Cruz starts making out with the other female Spanish translator.

Gooooaaaaaaaal!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s got to be a solid 9.

4. The other translator is played by Penelope’s real life sister.

Uuuuhhhh, hmmmm….. Yeah, I’m going to abstain from voting. After all, I just did a barely illegal Hannah Montana post this week. But hey, you feel free to place your votes in the comments below.

UPDATE!

THANKS TO THE COMMENTS BELOW AND YOUTUBE:

___

Gladstone writes for Cracked and others. Go to Wayne Gladstone Lives in Maine to see all his published stuff, links to his other worthless endeavors, and his full name and state of residence.

 

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