How Hot Is THAT?: Penelope Cruz Edition
Lets play a game. Well call it: How Hot Is THAT? Ill give you some factual information and you tell me how hot it is. (Ill play along too):
1.Penelope Cruz is going to be in a new music video.
Well, Ive never been that big a fan, and thinking about Tom Cruise making out with her ---or thinking about Cruz hanging around waiting for Tom Cruise to make out with her--- is kind of a buzzkill. Still, Penelope Cruz, yknow? So Im giving that a 7 out of 10 on the prurient interests hotness scale.
2. Penelope Cruz is playing one of two translators asked to translate a Spanish Lesbian porn film.
Wow. Bet you didnt see that coming. O.K. Now were talking a serious 8.
3. At one point during the video, Penelope Cruz starts making out with the other female Spanish translator.
Gooooaaaaaaaal!!!!!!!!!!!! Thats got to be a solid 9.
4. The other translator is played by Penelopes real life sister.
Uuuuhhhh, hmmmm.. Yeah, Im going to abstain from voting. After all, I just did a barely illegal Hannah Montana post this week. But hey, you feel free to place your votes in the comments below.
UPDATE!
THANKS TO THE COMMENTS BELOW AND YOUTUBE:
___
Gladstone writes for Cracked and others. Go to Wayne Gladstone Lives in Maine to see all his published stuff, links to his other worthless endeavors, and his full name and state of residence.
I want to say - thank you for this!
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Yeah, way to go, Moshimoshi. I thought the Japanese were all about implied incest, threesomes, and other outlandish bizarrities?*
Reply*only on the Der Internetsen and in certain shops in Akihabara.
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I just checked it. Yeah, looks like Moshimoshi is right. But that means Starpulse got something wrong. HOW COULD THAT BE??????????????
ReplyHot lesbian incest!? YES!!!!!
ReplyMoshimoshi, you have ruined this for all of us. :-(
ReplyThey switched the sister in during the kissing thing with Mía Maestro cause her sister looks just like her. Incest was dodged thankfully.
ReplyHa ha 'Sweett Films'. Oh Ian, it should be "Getting your knickers on a twist over little more than an affectionate embrace between two females of the same sex who happen to be related! How very uptight of you Yanks!"
ReplyYours is still good though.
You uptight Yanks, getting your knickers in a bunch over nothing more shocking than an implied incestuous threesome! I say!
Replywow, post alleged soft-core porn and Swaim comments within 3 minutes. shocking.
ReplyWhere's the makeout? I couldn't sit through the whole thing. Although, the guy affirming how "rocking" the song is at 1:55 is classic.
ReplyFamily members do kiss on the lips (IN SOME COUNTRIES) but I find it really wrong, I guess to them its perfectly innocent but in the context of this video it is incest so....do they know they are being incestuous or do they think they are just being 'affectionate'? Also, why is Micheal Swaim always here?
ReplyMan, first it was underage lesbianism and now it's lesbian incest. You're on quite the roll, Gladstone. I think you've set the bar too high. This is definitely a solid 10. How on God's sweet clean Earth are you going to top this?
ReplyThis was already pretty great, but then I read the linked article. "They pose suggestively with [their brother], before succumbing to temptation". That's a definite 10.
ReplyIn Spain, all movies are about sex. I'm pretty sure that even low-cost productions such as new-hire training videos feature scantily-clad or naked Penelope Cruz look-alikes, delivering lines such as "Mark off the area with an orange safety cone" in breathy, excited tones.
ReplyAlso, the age of consent is 12 over there. 12. That's a newborn baby, aged 144 months. If that excites any of you, stay the fuck out of my town.
Yeah, Pan's Labyrinth is the only movie I can think of (that I've seen) that isn't about sex that is from Spain.
A Faith No More Quote! Yay!!!!!!!
ReplyI have to correct you glendoor42. There are no masturbation references in this post. And the Hannah post was about "blogging."
Before these posts, I did posts on Harold Ford, Will Smith, and Denzel Washington.
These things just kind of work in trends it seems. Y'know, the way Swaim blogs about pornography, or technological gadgets, or pornography.
"Girls are nice, but they're not the real thing."
Reply-Mike Patton of Faith No More
Gladstone are you and your significant other having problems? Just curious because your last couple of posts have basically been about masturbation. Like my grandaddy use to say
Reply" get a hooker and be sure to use a rubber".
I fail to see what all the fuss is about. If I had a sister (who looked like either of the Cruz sisters), I would kiss her exactly as they kiss each other in this video. It all seems perfectly innocent and above-board to me.
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