How Can You Top Wonderwall?
For the tone deaf and the illiterate, there's some good news and some bads news. The good news is there will be a new Oasis album. The bad news is that it might not have any lyrics.
Songwriter Noel Gallagher explained his writer's block to reporters:
'I've literally got nothing left to write about. I've written about being a youth, and I've written about being a rock star, and I've written about living life in the big city.'
Wow. What a crushing blow. An Oasis album without lyrics. That's like having diarrhea without vomiting. Like being anally raped without getting fisted first. Like someone running over your dog without setting your cat on fire. It's a tough pill to swallow, but let's be reasonable people. Noel's written about being young, being a rock star, and living in the city. I mean, what else is there?
Can you name one song in rock history ---JUST ONE--- that ISN'T about those things? Oh, you can? Lots? Well, sure YOU can, but what if you were a stoned, mildly retarded, douchebag from Manchester? What about then? Yeah, I didn't think so.
Still, always the humanitarian, I thought I'd give Noel some ideas for new songs:
- Sing something about an old not famous guy who lives in the country.
- Write a song about being so unsightly and annoying that you have to get your no talent, only mildly better looking brother to sing lead.
- Steal lyrics off of George Harrison's tombstone now that he no longer has new lyrics to poach from.
- Write Blur an apology letter for all the hateful stupid shit you spouted and set it to music using the three chords you know.
- Examine the Zen inquiry: if a band no one cares about anymore releases an album no one buys does it make sound?
Just looked back and saw this. Was Glad.
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1. "the whole Blur vs. Oasis things is based in the tension between working class and college boys, no?" No! Oasis are not working class, they wouldn't know what work is, they are scumbag underclass dole-cheating vermin.
Reply2. "Back when Oasis started in the early 90s it spawned all this great British rock" No, the early 90s spawned all this great British rock, as well as beatles-lite pop monkeys Oasis. How the heck can anyone call Oasis a rock act? They plagiarise pop acts, ergo they are a pop act.
Despite my last name, I'm not English, but if I were and celebrating my early 90's youth there, I'd be a big time Blur fan. Watched Noel in that new VHI The Who documentary and it was the first time i heard him speak and not speak like a complete and utter dumb ass.
ReplyOf course, my fine English companions, the whole Blur vs. Oasis things is based in the tension between working class and college boys, no? Oh, I mean "University."
BTW, Ross to carry your analogy further. In America, the Oasis fans would have been into Nirvana. Personally, I was/am a Soundgarden man.
I don't see how their style or age has any relevance with their musical stylings and accomplishments?
ReplyI would, i've made that point 3 or 4 times now, and for the benefit of anyone who didn't get what I meant by 'i grew up with them, i'm working in IT, therefore i hate them,' i'll explain, or else just bore you to death.
ReplyBack when Oasis started in the early 90s it spawned all this great British rock, and it was a great time to be a British teenager. You could wear parka jackets, Ben Sherman suits, lairy sunglasses and base yourself somewhere between a mod and an indie-kid. It was a revival of all things great. Or else you could wear some really bright dungarees and dance in a field whilest off your tits on acid.
Now however, most of the generation that grew up with Oasis are working in front of eye-shredding possibly cancer giving computer monitors. And Oasis are still going.
Oasis were always about being young and cool, and now they are pushing 40. With kids. The American equivelant is being into grunge back in 92' and finding out less than 2 decades later that none of the bands give a shit about Seattle and that nobody wants to record there any more because 'the constant rain in the Pacific Northwest makes it a hard place to raise kids.'
I suppose I'll be number 3 (or so) to stand up for Oasis here, although you did do a good job of ripping on them, haha. At any rate, its hard to argue that What's the Story (Morning Glory), Definitely Maybe, and Don't Believe the Truth are all great albums. Also, its hard to argue that everything else wasn't bollocks (although a couple tracks such as Fuckin' in the Bushes, Acquiesce, Stop Crying Your Heart Out, etc.). Anyway, Don't Believe the Truth was a really solid album and that came out only a few years ago, so despite the gap between that and their last good album, (Morning Glory) I wouldn't call them has beens.
ReplyHa. Thanks for that.
Replyi should however clarify that while i am an oasis fan and dont think they suck that doesnt mean i think they are the greatest band ever. its just catchy british rock.i do think they are better than the garbage they try and pass of as rock on the radio. they are like a guilty pleasure to me. i loved them when i was young and im still a fan. im not going to sit here and claim noel is an amazing lyricist or anything. most oasis lyrics are just throw away lines. he does however pull a line or two out of his ass on occasion thats pretty good though. mostly in the early days. their latest single lord dont slow me down is completely nonsense lyrics but i like the tune. id much rather listen to it on repeat over anything they play on a modern rock station though. thats for sure
ReplyNone of those crappy bands can hold a candle to REO Speedwagon.
Replythat's true. sorry. I've been sick for days. That's why I'm missing things, writing in sentence fragments and spelling "weak" as "week."
ReplyAnd Ross, I said most bands just try to be Green Day, which doesn't necessarily mean Green Day sucks!
P.S. Green Day sucks.
i said i was an oasis fan to this day i thought that meant i was saying they dont suck
ReplyDookie was a great album. Chill the fuck out.
ReplyNo, but stay tuned for some dirt on Dishwalla!
ReplyI tuning gtrs thing was just my way of saying oasis has week musicianship. Yes MCR sucks. I just think they suck less than let's say other shit emo bands bc they're music is a tiny bit more sophisticated, that's all. On black parade they tried and failed to be queen. Most bands try and fail to be green day.
Look, let's just focus all our hate on Noel, can we do that? Since there has yet to be one dude to say Oasis doesn't suck. Wow.
oasis? that's the best topic you could come up with? no gin blossoms or better than ezra news to report?
Replyhmm, 'Tropical Storm Noel kills 90 in Carribean' and 'Noel Gallagher talks about new album'.
ReplySounds like a deadly shitstorm to me.
hobolad i agree. mainstream music is basically shit however i dont know where this whole guitar out of tune thing came from anyways. i never noticed oasis having out of tune guitars
Reply"he could tune his guitar before they were born."
ReplyThen why doesn't he....?
MCR- yeah, they suck. But they ain't any worse than most of what else the current music industry (and it is an industry- factory made "punk" bands and posh curly haired kids who wanna play at being a musician so get daddy to buy them a Gibson- rather than anything artistic) has on offer.
CAN WE NOT AGREE THAT OASIS IS THE BEST BAND SINCE THE BEATLES?! CAN WE NOT AGREE ON THAT?!!
ReplyAlso, CAPS LOCK!!!