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How A Bitch Get Her Eye Swole Up (Hint: It's By Asking A Dude To Let Her Smell His Dick): The Daily Nooner (EST)!

I can't say for sure whether or not this Riskay character is going to be remembered 5 years from now, but that doesn't mean that there aren't valuable life lessons to be learned from her hit song, "Smell Yo Dick."

It's a universal story: You come home from the club at 5 a.m. after buying drinks for a stripper named Diamond all night, when your girl asks you to present your genitalia so she can smell it and ascertain whether or not you've been cheating on her. You try to tell her that you have "enough dick to go 'round" and that asking to smell yo' dick is how a "bitch get her eye swole up" but she doesn't listen. She then proceeds to pour bleach all over your clothes, throw your iPhone off a balcony, and perform a song about smelling your penis live in concert to a large club audience.

I'll admit that it's been a little different for me personally, but the idea is the same regardless. True, my "clubbing" has traditionally been a D&D night in the basement of my local community center, and sure, my "girlfriend" is the girl that I see at the bus stop if I get there early enough (about 45 minutes before I actually need to), but what's the difference in the grand scheme of things? So what if the real-life version of my girlfriend asking to smell my dick is actually some girl at the bus stop asking me what time it is? So what if my real-life iPhone is prepaid? No matter which verison of the story you choose to go with, some basic facts remain the same: My name is Ross, I've met a girl before, and I own a mobile communications device.

Oh - and I have a Snickers jacket. How are you gonna fuck with that?

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Ross Wolinsky

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