Hologram Technology By 2010, Laser Swords To Follow
Ever since I saw the flickering blue form of Princess Leia plea for help from an aging and wizened Jedi hermit, I've wanted two things above all else: hologram technology, and to bang Princess Leia. And thanks to exciting technological breakthroughs from our friends over in India, I could accomplish at least one of those goals as early as 2010.
And as for my less savory ambition, who knows? I mean, Carrie Fischer's career isn't going so well, I've got this whole blogger thing, and by 2010 she could well be in the throes of early onset dementia.
As you may have deduced, I'm talking about holograms. Not mirrors, not 3-D goggles, not that old Sega arcade game that looked kind of 3-D, cost a whole freaking dollar, and took up the space of three Killer Instinct 2 consoles. Actual holograms.
According to the article (which is conspicuously absent of any images, videos, or science fiction references), the 3-D imaging handsets will be able to project free standing holographic environments and photos that youll be able to rotate, move through, and dissect. The pornographic possibilities alone are life-changing.
But Im trying not to get too excited. Frankly, Im used to the thought of holograms being made of blue-tinted scan lines, and revolutionary technological breakthroughs ending up being gay scooters.
But there are reasons to be hopeful. The company behind the project, Infosys, is a huge technology conglomerate in India known as the Taj Mahal of training engineers, which is kind of creepy considering the Taj Mahal is a building for storing dead people.
Plus, their headquarters looks like this:
If sci-fi-caliber holographic technology is going to enter our world, Im fairly certain it will be via a glass pyramid made of diamonds fronting two triangular pools being constantly raked by indentured servants.
The Infosys people promise that the images will be high quality, without loss, and that the handsets will be able to capture 3-D images as well.
Imagine it: every time one of your friends snaps a shitty picture of you on their cell phone, it will be instantly transformed into a perfect, rotatable hologram. Yes.
The article also mentions applications such as analyzing crash sites, helping medical students practice surgery, blah blah blah, and GAMING.
Im sure at first itll just be flash games, like moving one 3-D block back and forth across a gray field. But by the time we get to the HoloSet 8, Im hoping for full mindlink and the ability to psi-blast minions on no less than four dimensional axes.
So I put it to you, Cracked Blog readers. Whats the first thing youll do after unwrapping your very own holographic handset?
And dont say videos of Carrie Fischer; I dont want a bunch of copycats slowing up my downloads.
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael is relocating his life, home, and Those Aren't Muskets!
nintendo 3DS!
Replynever played one yet though..
samuel L jackson as yugi moto fighting a hologram heath ledger as kaiba in the new live action yu gi oh movie...
ReplyIts time to duel Motherf***er!
Well, it's july 2010 aaaand... WHERE ARE THE GODDAMN HOLOGRAMS!? I need them for my Xenomorph fetish thing...
ReplyI am seaching for some idea to write in my blog
ReplyIm glad Im not the only one who thought of Duel monsters upon contact lol
ReplyThere's only one thing i want holograms for. Real Duel Disks (ala Yu-Gi-Oh!). I don't care what you think about me or the fact that I enjoy the card game, I still want it.
ReplyI thought about a having a Hologram Christmas tree for years now. That would be cool. Just flip the switch to turn it on. No more dragging out boxes of crap.
ReplyI'm going to masturbate vigorously to naked women and then kill a few things. or maybe I'll play Tetris. I don't know but what i do know is that i will never leave my house again.
ReplyWow! Thank you! I always wanted to write in my site something like that
ReplyEric Bo Beric, I told you already, I am very sorry. I didn't realize she was your girlfriend. She was wearing a false moustache, and you know how I can't resist shapely women with Tom Selleck 'staches.
ReplyDon't let this be the end, my friend. We can still collect pokemon together.
All i here is the end of those damn 'typical angles' on myspace photos. Soon we'll be able to just move our head and realise how hideously disgusting she is!
ReplyLet's see... Obvious applications include:
Reply1. setting up holograms of all cast members of High School Musical for a 3D face-punching extravaganza,
2. Creating an actual Labyrinth even scarier than the movie with David Bowie and the puppets (a difficult task, could become life's work)
3. Why walk around with a hologirlfriend when you can use holograms to get yourself a real one? Considering you can "move through and manipulate" holos, just make yourself a Vin Diesel (or whoever the hell hot chicks dig these days) suit, and walk around downtown LA.
4. Stage impromptu battles in public places against dragons, aliens, 3 story politicians, pokeman etc.
5. Rob a bank in a holo of your douchebag boss. Rob a bank in a holo of your douchebag "friend" who evidently doesn't know that being a friend means not taking my girlfriend out to dinner and a movie last night then over to your place as i watched from across the street you friggin ass.
This is being done in India and won't be done until 2010? I though some Japanese guys would start and finish it on their break sometime on Friday
Replyhologirlfriend.
Replythe lacey chabert model.
Wow Swaim, you're very photogenic. Have you though about a career in modeling sweater vests for the mentally handicapped community? I think you could be their biggest spokesperson. Break down the walls of discrimination against the tards Swaim. Its your calling..
ReplyApparently it didn't work...
Reply/facepalm at Salad day's comment. 3rd from top.
That is just retarded.
Replyhuge /facepalm right there.
You know, every photo of Swaim has him wearing a sweater vest. It's almost like... like he's putting some effort into it. Swaim, I'm getting the idea it's all a show. You're not really a nerd at all, are you?
Replyhmmm... What would I do...? I think i would probably use one to finally learn the body's internal systems, so i could actually do well in biology. Yes I'm a nerd, fuck off, I'm probably smarter than you. And maybe look at pictures of horses. Oh, and the FIRST thing i would do would be to watch the Speed Raver Movie in 3d. BEST FUCKING MOVIE EVER!!!! I would undoubtedly doe of an overdose of fucking awesome, i would die happy.
Replydamn onairos, that was funny!!
Reply