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Hire Me to Bully Your Child! A Real Craigslist Ad

Each time I board a plane, walk past a school or squeeze through the narrow aisles of a Ross Dress for Less, I always have the same thought: Children are my least favorite type of people. As a non-parent, each one of those activities I just mentioned requires that I mentally prepare myself for dealing with the worst side of kids, and I can only imagine what it must be like for the adults who are forced to live in the same house with those tiny, sticky creatures.

"Jesus, is that ... applesauce and wood stain? I didn't even know we had wood stain."

From what I've gathered based on my own childhood memories and the kids I mistakenly encounter from day to day, the easiest part of raising a child must be supplying it with everything it could possibly need or want in life. The hard part, though, is clearly the discipline.

Well, I want to help.

I've noticed an unsavory trend of self-entitlement among kids, a quality I'm quick to recognize because it smells so familiar to me. Fortunately, I think there's a solution -- so I've turned to the one place where I think I can cast the widest net to families: Craigslist. There I posted the following offer to parents, and so far no bites. Though it may just be a matter of getting the word out.

You can follow Soren on Twitter or watch him burn like a thousand suns on Tumblr, where sometimes he posts pictures of his meals.

Check out more from Soren in A Letter to Parents About the Fake 'Teen Crazes' on the News and Undercover With the Men Who Work The Corner By My House.

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