I do a lot of talking in this, so I’ll keep this short. I love the Cracked bloggers. I’ll miss working with them.
I have tremendous respect for Jack O’Brien and David Wong, and I’d be sad never to work with them again.
I didn’t get canceled. I just need to devote some time to the screenplay writing side of my career.
Swaim is not replacing me, but you should watch SWAIM. I know I will. Swaim is talented.
DOB’s abs are middling at best, but I love him like the little brother I never had. He is talented.
Ross Wolinsky is not the Zodiac killer.
Bucholz is Canadian and very funny. I’d like to speak to him some day.
Shout outs: Leandra, Zach, Shannon, Trista, Karo, Emily, Fiendish, Tartra, Astrid, Aimee, all of Australia, and everyone else who ever became my Facebook friend, dugg the show, and isn’t a jack ass.
Special thanks to Matt Tobey for being an early sounding board and Ian Cooper for some super photoshopping.
Thank you Cracked.
Thank you Cracked readers.
This isn’t much of a post. Watch the vid instead.
This entry was posted on Monday, November 24th, 2008 at 9:00 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
The Trials of Gladstone (as told by Franz Kafka)
An Open Letter To American Express
Adam Lambert vs. Clay Aiken: The Gayest Feud of All-Time
A Practical Guide To Sexting (For Men Over 30)
Copyright © 2005 - 2009 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Thank you for your inisghts!
April 27th, 2009 at 4:20 am
Wow! what an idea ! What a concept ! Beautiful .. Amazing
February 3rd, 2009 at 12:54 am
gladstone, please do me. for the love of god, do me.
February 1st, 2009 at 9:51 pm
You were an inspiration to all of us…
Except the total bastards.
December 11th, 2008 at 7:25 am
So, I’ve watched them all (except for the ones that dont seem to be available anywhere…) and I’m sad that HBN is over, even if I am reaching this point a month after everyone else.
I like picking holes in shoddy news reports and I like it even more when someone takes the effort out of it by doing it for me.
So, thank you Gladstone and good bye… for now.
December 10th, 2008 at 9:43 am
I’m sorry, but I just can’t allow the last comment on Gladestone’s farewell HBN to be from a spambot.
peace out
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:28 am
Who cares? We only care how to find these celerbities. Lucky me. I found Hilton on a celeb and millionaire dating site. Its name is like—-W e a l t h ys o u l M a t e .C O M—-
December 2nd, 2008 at 6:16 pm
You totally ruined it be saying ross isn’t the zodiac killer, or that you respect jack o brien.
December 2nd, 2008 at 7:49 am
Who cares? We only care how to find these celerbities. Lucky me. I found Hilton on a celeb and millionaire dating site. Its name is like—-W e a l t h ys o u l M a t e .C O M—-
December 1st, 2008 at 6:40 pm
gunna miss this show good luck and hope it comes back
November 30th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Nooooooo!!!!
November 29th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
At first I really liked the show, but after a while I thought it got kinda old and a little asshole-ish. After watching this, though, and really thinking about it… I’m gonna miss HBN. Congrats Gladstone on a good run and I hope you come back!
November 29th, 2008 at 12:29 am
Much love, really appreciated HBN, especially when they made me laugh riotously at the computer pod in school!
November 28th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
Much love G-Stone.
November 28th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Hey man, good luck with all your life’s endeavors.
November 27th, 2008 at 4:47 am
That was great. A great show, a great series and a great host. Goodbye for now Gladstone. I will miss your biting commentary on all things stupid and reatarded.
P.S Thanks for thanking Australia. On behalf of us, we appreciate it.
November 27th, 2008 at 12:30 am
Aw, that was sad. I loved Hate By Numbers, and even though I don’t comment on it, I am this time so you know.
November 26th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
MBS, I meant to say that as of now I’m at my thinnest in years. 11 pounds to go until I’m back at my peak Calvin Klein underwear model weight.
November 26th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Well, Gladstone, if you are still reading these I encourage you not to get chubby again.
But seriously, good luck with everything you pursue and don’t be a stranger, drop back in every once in a while.
November 26th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
So I suppose this makes Gladstone, not Swaim, the Brian Jones. Sniff. Snuff. Sand in my eye sort of thing.
p.s. Top song, that.
November 26th, 2008 at 6:17 am
Holy Shit! I found the reason why Gladstone Left, after perusing old HBN’s!
TheGirlStumbles Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 11:40 am
You know, I think you should quit Cracked and go around the world with Cyrus on a photo shot escapade
Awesome work, as always.
Its all this bitches fault!
November 26th, 2008 at 5:29 am
It’s just sad to see somebody leave, and especially someone who made people laugh at the opposite end of the world too. :<
Goodbye Gladstone. Good luck.
November 25th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
I wish you the best, Gladstone. And I will be looking forward to anything that you create.
November 25th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
I’ve enjoyed all your material here and elsewhere (boiler room news etc…). Hopefully our loss will soon be Hollywood’s gain. Here’s to the sexiest married father of three(?) that ever lived in Maine. Best wishes.
ps. Would it have killed you to give us gals one last glimpse of your chest hair?
November 25th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
I wonder how many idiots went “Wait…It was a green screen!?!?” XD Damn, I’ll miss this show. Oh well, all good things, etc etc…
November 25th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Funny you said to go buy The Night by Morphine - I did that last week when I finally found out what the theme tune was. Great track, great album.
I’ll miss HBN, you made me chuckle. Good luck!
November 25th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
I got thanked?! Is “woo” an acceptable response here?
Gladstone, this was the best, clippiest HBN ever. Alas, poor fictional bar, we hardly knew ye. Also, I want to see your movies in cinemas.
And also also, I miss you! Already! Even though I’m not totally sure if you’re gone yet!
November 25th, 2008 at 10:43 am
I turned on the TV this morning and Fox News was interviewing Kermit the Frog and Fozzy Bear about politics.
Gone too soon, man. Gone too soon.
November 25th, 2008 at 5:23 am
Damnit. The one thing that made mondays suck less is gone.
November 25th, 2008 at 4:18 am
Okay. Are we done with sad? How much more? Surely anyone that wants to pay their respects..
I’m thinking calm. I want personal..So today some dude-nice guy- messaged me. He was some random guy. He says,,”Jo..I was reading “Nancy Grace..hbn.comments” he asked me what ever happened to Clint. (he was this dude that annoyed me to no end..)
Seriously..today?
Remember him?
Thankfully he fell off into the wayside (Clint).. after a bunch of damage..
Weird though..no? Months later anyone would care? I suppose it’s poignant.. given the day. Memories and what not. That’s why I shared it..
aloha,
jo
November 25th, 2008 at 3:29 am
Just wanted to say thank you for bringing laughter to my Mondays. I will miss this feature. God bless.
November 25th, 2008 at 3:22 am
Thanks for the show Gladstone, I’ve enjoyed it a lot. Good luck with the screenplays.
November 25th, 2008 at 12:03 am
I’m really going to miss HBN…but it’s great that you’re taking new paths in ur life…you really deserve all the success u have and I’m sure will continue to have…keep us posted w/ur projects… u know ur fans will follow u anywhere….good riddance!!!!
November 25th, 2008 at 12:01 am
Fuck You, Wayne! I know why you’re really leaving, to take a goddamn job in the Obama administration. Sellout!!!!
November 24th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
What the fuck is this, Gladstone? A hell of a thing for me to find when I get home from work. Now I have to drink. You’re ruining my liver! Really, though…(awkward man-hug). Yeah. So, Green Bay just got their asses kicked on MNF.
GreenGoddess, I told him the same thing about his delivery/timing weeks ago but he would have none of it. I think the writing part is bullshit; he’s gonna go trans-gender on us and come back as Gladys Stein.
November 24th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
..God damn it. This makes me sad.
November 24th, 2008 at 10:40 pm
That’s the second poem I saw today. I don’t know..after all the outpouring and well-wishing and rhyming..it’s sounds..(DOB said it) euology-ish? (Sure it’s a word)..he’s not dead.
What are you doing to celebrate? That’s what I want to know. Surely Maine has an Olive Garden or something. Maybe if you give them cash they will play non-stop HBNs for the crowds. You may have to pick up the tab, buy the house drinks and all, knowing Maine, but well worth it, no doubt. Big fun.
November 24th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
Even though I never once dugg this show it was the one weekly media thing that I looked forward to each week. Thanks for making them.
November 24th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Goodbye Gladstone.
I was never ignoring you. I was ignoring everyone.
I’ll miss ignoring you.
XOX
Bucholz
November 24th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
Yay! And I’m from Australia too. And we usually like everyone. But not you. Christ we even gave that Jimowen shit a career! Take that fucking god awful White Ninja with you too!
November 24th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Gladstone’s just too good to be true
Can’t take my eyes off of Gladstone
Gladstone’d be like heaven to touch
I wanna hold Gladstone so much
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I’m alive
Gladstone’s just too good to be true
Can’t take my eyes off of Gladstone
Pardon the way that I stare
There’s nothing else to compare
The sight of Gladstone leaves me weak
There are no words left to speak
So if Gladstone feels like I feel
Please let me know that it’s real
Gladstone’s just too good to be true
Can’t take my eyes off of Gladstone
I love Gladstone baby and if it’s quite all right
I need Gladstone baby to warm the lonely nights
I love Gladstone baby, trust in me when I say
Oh pretty baby, don’t bring me down I pray
Oh pretty baby, now that I’ve found Gladstone stay
And let me love Gladstone baby, let me love Gladstone
Gladstone’s just too good to be true
Can’t take my eyes off of Gladstone
Gladstone’d be like heaven to touch
I wanna hold Gladstone so much
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I’m alive
Gladstone’s just too good to be true
Can’t take my eyes off of Gladstone
November 24th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
G-Stone, Morphine should pay you royalties.
Lounsey, there’s no crying in cracked.
Pedgegrow..well said.
November 24th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
All of Australia?!?
Yessss! That totally includes me!
It’s been awesome having your posts as procrastination from studying!
Enjoy the “sabbatical”
November 24th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Being a fan of yours is to be part of one of the best communities I can think of right now without thinking too hard. I never normally care who writes what for cracked.com, but Hate By Numbers just had a feeling about it. Like you knew us all personally. Sometimes I wouldn’t laugh at your episodes, and there are plenty of articles on here I think are funnier, but like I said, you have a community. I would always be happy when a new episode appeared, because even if it was about something irrelevant to us non-Americans, I’d still get to be a part of the Hate By Numbers crowd, and that kicked ass more than basic humorousness could. There was always more to Hate By Numbers than just the episodes. It was a way of life.
And what’s the end credits song again?
November 24th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
@ Josie
it almost made me cry… but I have a feeling that it would have done were I sober or not!
November 24th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
Lounsey! Don’t leave us in suspense! Was watching it better after a couple of pints?
November 24th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
Good luck, man. It’s always hard to say good-bye to an old friend, even when it’s one you’ve never actually met and doesn’t even know you exist.
November 24th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
DOB likes the Watchmen?! *swoon*
November 24th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Awww that was so sweet. Great episode. I’m going to miss hbn and general Gladstonery. I wish you best the of luck in everything you do.
November 24th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
This is kind of sad. I never found Gladstone to be the best blogger, but for some reason I’m sad he’s going away. It’s too bad, but we have no choice but to move on. So with that said:
GLENDOOR 42 FOR GLADSTONE’S REPLACEMENT BLOGGER!!!!
November 24th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
I’m going to miss you gladstone. Your humor cured my cancer, and now that you’re gone, it’ll probably come back.
November 24th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
I’m happy that I got to see the whole thing (finally), but now I’m sad because I have to give you back to Mrs. Gladstone.
You have a good ear for a joke and great timing. The straight faced delivery is sexy hot and it just doesn’t come through in your written work (though that is funny as well). So what I’m sayin’ is I hope you can find a way to continue the on camera stuff, because it’s worth watching (this from a woman who doesn’t own a TV).
Keep the comedy going. It’s the only thing that will save the world.
Plus, Gladstone is hot.
November 24th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
This was a good HBN. But if this was the last one why not get a special guest or two. Where was Amy Winehouse?
November 24th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
No one should remove “cock socket” from their vocab…ever. If DOB and Gladstone do get to work on a sitcom in the future, I hope it’s something like Arrested Development and not something with a title like “Staying Together for the Kids”which would probably star someone like Nick Frost and Ali Larter as a married couple.
You’ll be missed Gladstone. I’m mostly grateful that we can know associate the name Gladstone with you instead of that bonehead from Full House (unless you’re actually the same person, in which case I apologize).
November 24th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Vampires and 1970s progressive rock was my favorite moment. Then again that was the first HBN I watched purely to show my friends who love the books. I’ll have to check out your favorites.
November 24th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Your departure suspiciously coincides with the Eve 6 “Gas Station Restroom Comeback Tour”…
Much success, Gladstone. You’re a very funny guy.
November 24th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
from the moment I watched your HBN on kid rocks song, I was hooked. I loved these, and I shall miss them. good luck with making people other than me laugh.
November 24th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
good riddance! *looks away and bites his finger*
November 24th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
I have now watched the first :58 seconds 6 times. I hate my computer. I hate Gladstone for leaving me. I hate that I have nothing else to do on a Monday afternoon but stress about not being able to see the final HBN. I hate shortening it to HBN. I hate that I’ll probably never see naked Gladstone, but I’ll never FUCKING KNOW because I CAN’T SEE THE LAST 4 FUCKING MINUTES!
I’m gonna go restart my computer… goddammit….
November 24th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Here it is. The last episode. I told myself I wouldn’t cry.
(So I won’t.)
Gladstone’s presence will certainly be missed here. For the last year or so, he’s been the Rorschach to my Nite Owl; while we’ve had our disagreements, and while our particular styles and methods didn’t quite match up, it was clear that we both worked toward the same goal and believed in what we were doing. Our mutual respect, combined with competitive natures, meant that we’d both be working a little bit harder to either impress or one-up each other, and it never hurts to have someone around that would make me a better writer/humorist. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve removed the phrases “cock socket,” “tits biscuit” and “common child rape,” because I thought “That’s too easy. Wayne wouldn’t go there, so why should I?”
G-Balls has been a mentor of sorts, (mostly because of his age. He is shockingly old.), and it’s going to be weird around here without him. If I wasn’t so unbelievably confident that, somewhere down the line, he and I will be working on hilarious sitcom or genre-busting movie together, I might be getting teary-eyed or, at the very least, impossibly drunk. But, that’s not the case. I’m positive our creative paths will cross again, and I’m certain that it won’t be in the horrible, soul-crushing pit that is the internet. (It’ll be, you know, some place real.)
This is starting to sound like a eulogy, (again, probably because he’s so close to death as it is), but I’d like to close by calling all of your attentions to something Gladstone probably doesn’t want me to mention. See, he doesn’t like to talk about it, but Gladstone’s got a Facebook page as well as a fan page, and since he’s too shy and modest to ask, I’ll do it for him: Be his friend, and join that fucking group or whatever.
As a final note, if you’re feeling lost now that G-Cock will be leaving us, and if you ever feel down, and if you worry that nothing will fill the gaping void left by HBN’s absence, (and, most importantly, if you are an attractive girl over the age of 18), I want you to look deep within yourself, muster up some courage, and send naked photos of yourself to dan[at]cracked.com. I know that might seem strange, but I think you’ll find that it really helps ease the pain.
Also I’m pretty sure it’s what Gladstone would’ve wanted.
November 24th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
“and isn’t a jack ass.”
Pfft, that leaves me out. Thanks a lot, jerkface! I mean it, for the series, the blogs, and everything; from the bottom of my heart, thanks jerkface.
November 24th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Will definitely miss this show. Well done Gladstone, and good luck with your other work!
November 24th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
I am having video problems GODDAMMIT and I can only see the first minute. And I can’t even scream about it because my kid is napping.
FUCK!
November 24th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Gladstone is a gas ticket!
Can I ask the opinion of the comments section people… in your opinion(s) would this episode of HBN be better viewed drunk or sober? I have no sound on my work computer and am about to embark on some pub time (Monday boozing like only the Irish can), so I either watch it when I get home from the pub, or wait till tomorrow…. but I can’t decide which. You who have all seen the video already please inform…
(related note: this may or may not count as the “Drink to Gladstone” thing off of Facebook, but I’m gonna claim that’s what the drinking is for. Any excuse right!?)
November 24th, 2008 at 11:44 am
It’s sort of like watching the last MST…..sniff….
November 24th, 2008 at 11:24 am
Aww bitter sweet. I’ll miss your misanthropic rantings. They made mine seem so tame.
November 24th, 2008 at 11:03 am
WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!!
HOLD THE DAMN PHONE!!!
Gladstone, I thought you were just finished with HBN but… you’re renouncing Ross as the Zodiac Killer? Are you leaving CRACKED entirely, too? I didn’t hear a thing about this!
November 24th, 2008 at 11:00 am
[...] offering funny rants about nonsense-plagued cable news programs. Sadly, the final installment, “HBN Says Goodbye,” appeared [...]
November 24th, 2008 at 10:53 am
Good luck with the screenplay writing and really hope HBN comes back soon
November 24th, 2008 at 10:35 am
So sad. Best of luck with future endeavors. Now I must find a new way to kill 5 minutes day while bored on the job.
November 24th, 2008 at 10:30 am
Good luck Gladstone.
November 24th, 2008 at 10:14 am
*weep*
IT WAS SO YOUNG
November 24th, 2008 at 9:57 am
*cries silently*
November 24th, 2008 at 9:20 am
What about those of use who ARE jack asses?
November 24th, 2008 at 9:13 am
Peace out, Gladstone. Thanks for all the laughs!
November 24th, 2008 at 9:08 am
good luck with your career
November 24th, 2008 at 9:07 am
As part of “all of Australia” I think it’s fair to say that we will all miss your videos an incredible amount.
Brilliant ending to a brilliant series <3
November 24th, 2008 at 9:05 am
i’m speechless
thank you gladstone
November 24th, 2008 at 9:02 am
R.I.P. Cracked.com 1958-2008