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6 Things I Hate About The New Miley Cyrus Song (Or Screw You Dan O'Brien -- A Tribute To Dan O'Brien)

So several viewers wrote me to suggest that I cover the new Miley Cyrus song, 7 Things. I admit it: at first I was against the idea.

"Miley Cyrus is really Dan O'Brien's thing," I protested.

But each time the viewers countered with the same persuasive argument: "Yeah, but you're much funnier than Dan O'Brien."

It was hard to argue with that, but it was their next statement that really drove me to action: "Besides," they said. "He's abandoned you for L.A., and he's clearly bent on starting some sort of bi-coastal, blogging war with you. Last week he fired the first shot with all those Eve 6 cracks in the comments to your vacation blog post. Are you really going to take that?"

It might seem hard to believe that multiple, unrelated Cracked readers all said the exact same thing to me, but, so help me, every word of it's true. Or Ross Wolinsky isn't really the Zodiac killer.

Oh, and then there's something else. I was actually the FIRST writer on Cracked to write about Miley Cyrus. Hard to believe, but true. DOB's always copying me. First, by growing those sideburns. Then by deciding to make his writing funny. And, perhaps most egregiously, by implying that he MIGHT be Spider-Man when it's clear that I AM Spider-Man.

So with that in mind, I decided to go after Miley. Is it wrong to pick on a 15 year old girl? Probably, but as DOB has shown so well, it sure is fun. This one's for you, Dobby.


Gladstone wants to be your special friend. Check out some more of his stuff HERE and OVER HERE and HERE TOO.

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